There are 3 reasons we are bailing to prevent failing: lack of knowledge, lack of belief, and lack of desire. We may question ourself: do I really want this? Is it worth all this trouble, the heartache and disappointments?
The key to facing failure and moving through it is to trust your desire more than your fear of failing. When we’re afraid to fail we don’t get the growth and we miss the transformation.
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What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
- Why believing it’s not possible makes it hard to take the steps needed to see change
- The reason we lack belief is because we’ve never been taught to believe in ourself
- When we desire to create the change we seek we become resilient in the face of failure
- When you feel ready to bail, ask yourself: is it lack of knowledge, lack of belief, lack of desire?
- We fail in advance so we aren’t disappointed later, so we bail by not even starting
- Disappointment is coming anyway, so why not trust it enough to bring desire on board
Listen to the Full Episode:
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- Send Kim an email to find out about the Year of Knowing More Challenge
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- Flaw of Attraction
- Mind Body Coaching Tools 10-Week Intensive
Full Episode Transcript:
#193: Bailing to Prevent Failing
Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence Coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.
Well, hello my friends and welcome back to the show. I am just returning from the Hypnotherapy Conference in Michigan, which was a blast. The trees and foliage, the fall foliage, was just gorgeous. I have never seen such bright, bold colors. But I must say, it was a little cold. It was a little chilly! So, I was glad to get back to some normal temps, but I am missing the beautiful array of colors.
Matter of fact, whenever we were on our way back and we started entering, like closer to home, I looked at, like, the color of the trees and thought, “I used to think this was a pretty show. Like we’re now ruined forever.” So, that was a great trip, and I am currently packed up and heading out tomorrow for Scottsdale.
This has been the year of travel. So, I don’t know if I told you guys this at the beginning of the year, but I knew that I was going to get involved in my business in a deeper kind of way. So, I am highly invested in this organization and creating something bigger than myself. Doing something different that I’ve never done before is very uncomfortable.
So, I have been a solopreneur for a very long time, since 1997. I actually was in business as a hairdresser even before that, a couple of years before that. And it’s fairly hard in its own kind of way to manage myself. But actually doing this with other people and feeling the pressure of creating something that’s basically a belief, like a vision that I believe is possible and having other people on board.
And it’s almost like telling your kids that they can do something whenever they grow up or they can be something. They’re like, “Mom, you told me I could!” Right? It’s that kind of thing. So, oh my God, am I feeling the pressure.
So, I want to talk about this today. Not just in business, but just in your life in general, is when you take on this commitment and how important—last week or week for last, I talked about discipline, the gift of discipline—how important discipline is to stay in that commitment. And what we are experiencing, myself and my team and clients, because they’re all bringing their legacy out into the world, that it’s like an agreement that we’ve made, and these are people that I work with. So, it is visionaries and believers in that something else is possible that they haven’t experienced in their families before. So, they are risk-takers and game-changers and interrupters, generational interrupters. They want to show their kids and grandkids something other than what they have seen is possible.
Which is very scary for the mind, right? Because it’s imagining everything that can go bad and wrong, and then it’s like at another time, you’re like in the vision and it’s so fun and it’s so fascinating. And then there’s this low of grief and disappointment and disheartening. Like it’s a little bit of all of it.
Now, some of this could just be my life as a 6/2 Generator. Some of it could be about being off the roof. Some could be being this long in business and marriage, like over thirty years in marriage and raising children, and also growing individuals, just as I learned the process of implementing things in my own life and then helping clients do the same. These are… these are hard! Like, because you’re in the midst of change at all times, and that’s the complete opposite of what our mind wants. Our mind wants comfortable, convenient, easy, quick, certainty.
But guys, when we are really living the potential of our lives, it’s not safe. It’s not comfortable, and it sure ain’t convenient. So, what I want to talk about today is something that—I love when these little rhymes come to me—something that came to me earlier, which was: are you bailing to prevent failing?
And I have been saying this to myself every day, several times a day, and to my team and to my clients, like… bailing out to avoid failure is still bailing out, so you’re not any safer because you’ve decided to dodge the ball. You just got off of the court and lost all chances of winning. Got it? You just fell in advance.
So, when we bail, because we’re afraid we’re going to fail, we actually don’t get the growth. We don’t get the change and the transformation. And I’ve been doing a lot of contemplating on this all week long. I’ve journaled about it. I’ve talked to several clients. I’ve talked to my team. I’ve noticed it in myself.
And there’s three reasons why we would want to bail. This is what I have come up with. You may have your own reasons, but I’m going to go ahead and share these and see if it maybe opens your mind up to see something that you hadn’t seen before. So, the three reasons that we bail. Quit. Throw in the towel. Turn our back on the vision or on the dreams of something different because that’s really what it is. It’s: “I had an idea that things could be different.” Maybe I saw someone else do it. Maybe it’s a soul journey of me just believing from a deeper part of myself that it was possible? Maybe it’s the experience that I had with my children and realizing that I could have done different or better.
Maybe it’s not wanting this to be passed on for one or two or three more generations and wanting to be the person who now knows better, and then there’s a moment of doubt and moments of fear and disbelief. And as I wrote all of these things down and took myself into the detriment, which is the: “It’s not going to happen. It’s never going to happen. I just as soon throw in the towel. Now I might as well quit. I’ve tried everything and nothing works.”
Right? It’s that moment. Have you said that before? Have you said this to someone else or do you just say it to yourself? Like personally—I’m going to take you into a little story, and I’ll come right back to the three things—last year, at the end of the year, I felt this way. It was very disheartening. I was disappointed. I was upset with myself because I continued to repeat a pattern, which is about people pleasing and codependency and wanting to do or heal or change someone else. And it was like such a deep passion or desire. Like I totally missed the part about myself, right?
Because we all do this. Well, most of us do this. I’m assuming if you’re listening to this podcast, you do this. And we want to help other people and we see the pain, and we feel the pain, and we want to create this change, and we want to be the change-worker. We want to be the role model, the leader. And it’s often the thing is inside of us, the thing that needs healing.
The thing that needs to be brought to our awareness. That we are important, we are valid; we are enough, and we are worthy of whatever that thing is. So, it’s something just to reflect on. But at the end of the year, I felt this way. I made plenty of money, so I actually could have just continued with some coaching, and I had enough to take me through. I could have not worked the next year. So… I bought a van. I bought a Sprinter. I was like, “I quit.” Pardon my French, “but eff ’em. Screw it. They don’t want it. People don’t want it. People don’t want change.”
I’m trying to get others to see what’s possible and I can’t get beyond their limited mind. They don’t want to see it. There’s so much conditioning and limiting beliefs that’s been planted in their psyche from the people that they’re around that they actually don’t believe me because it’s hard. It’s hard to take these steps and to make these changes because they don’t believe it’s possible, and it’s very painful to be the person who sees the potential and truly believes in humanity, and truly believes that people are capable if they’re willing to commit and to practice discipline. That it can be different. I am an example of that and sometimes I forget I am an example of that. I did break the cycles in my family, for my children, for my grandchildren. I am that person. But because of my, myself, me, I still experience the pain of so many suicides and so many quitters because it’s “too hard.”
And they can’t see because they don’t have an example. And here’s the thing about depression and about suicide and giving up and throwing in the towel, bailing out, quitting. Here’s the thing, here’s the reason behind it: depression comes from not being able to express. So, think of expression and depression. When you’re not expressing, then you are depressing. So, there is depression, and the reason for depression is the belief that “I can’t ever have what I want. I can’t get what I need. It’s impossible. I don’t believe it’ll ever be better.”
Now, I lived in this for so many years. I’m telling you from my experience what’s the reason behind it. Many of you don’t understand how anyone can do that, and you believe it’s so selfish and it’s so sinful, and it’s all the BS that I’ve heard at all the funerals I’ve been to where there was the suicide—victim, we can call it, or whatever you want to say. The person who succeeded. I think there’s like a new political way to say it, right? You can’t just say “commit suicide.” Right?
Anyway, because I remember at one of my very close friend’s funerals, who did take her own life, and that’s what I heard. Oh, “she’s at peace now. She’s so much better off. She’s finally at rest.” All that bullshit. And being a person who has thought about this many times and has lived this disheartening disappointment in the human race, for myself and others, and a lot of this comes from our upbringing.
It comes from… maybe it’s not abuse, maybe it’s neglect. How many of you were not seen, were not heard, were not told that you were worthy? Maybe we’re abandoned by a parent, maybe weren’t taken care of. Maybe you didn’t get what you need, and now you believe you can never get what you need because that hasn’t happened for people like you.
That’s where the depression comes from. That’s where the bailing comes from, the quitting. Because you’ve never actually seen or experienced for yourself what it’s like. And so, you have a few moments of high where you kind of get some of the things that you need, and then you have a low, and then you have a high, and then you have a low and a high and a low.
And then it just so happens that in one of your lows, you get hit with something else, and then there’s the moment of: “It never works out for me. I’m so tired of doing this. I just as soon bail out now. I’m so tired of watching other people succeed and it never happens for me.”
Now I work with a lot of coaches who experience this. As new coaches who haven’t made it to six figures, and there’s a world of social media saying, “six and seven figures” and on and on and on and on. And so, they’re constantly looking at, “I can’t measure up. I can’t do what they do. There’s something wrong with me.” And a lot of this is coming from the subconscious and unconscious.
And I’m just going to plug in that this is why I’m doing the 10-week Intensive. The Mind Body Intensive is to actually teach this and to get you beyond those beliefs.
The reason I want to talk about the bailing to prevent failing is because I believe you can get some relief when you get some understanding. And so, I’m going to tell you the three reasons—and you may find other ones. You’re welcome to reach out to send an email to let us know in the More Than Mindset Facebook Group—is that it’s a lack of knowing. In other words, there’s something you just don’t have information on, or you have misinformation. So, you haven’t figured it out. You truly don’t know how, but you’ve spent most of your life pretending like you knew in order to fit in. So, you’re afraid to ask. You’re afraid to be seen in the unknowing. You have shame about admitting that you can’t do something.
So, the number one reason that I hear about people wanting to quit or wanting to bail out, or one of the things for you to consider, is that it could be a lack of knowledge. If you knew how, if you knew the information, if you received the steps or the process, would you be able to do it? Like would you be able to get out of this, to get out of chronic pain, to get out of poverty, to get out of broken relationships? Would you be able to reconnect with Self and Source if you knew how? If you had the process, if you had the steps. That’s number one.
Number two reason for bailing not to fail is a lack in belief. You actually don’t believe it’s possible for you. You’ve never seen it. You’ve never experienced it. No one around you has done it. And so, you lack in believing in yourself, believing that anything’s possible, believing that you can change your life. So, the lack of belief is due to a lack of evidence. You haven’t seen it in anyone else. You haven’t seen it in yourself. So, number one is a lack of knowledge. Number two is a lack in belief.
The number three reason, and this one’s kind of hard because it’s there, but it gets hidden. And so, it sometimes seems like it’s not there anymore, and that is a lack in desire. Do I really want it? Is it worth all this trouble? And heartache? And disappointment? Do I desire it enough to overcome? Do I have the resilience and the tenacity to push through? Because if you don’t have the desire, it’s going to be hard. I have the desire. I struggled so deeply as a kid. All I ever wanted was a family: a mom, a dad, just family. I just wanted to know where I belonged, where I fit in. I wanted to be a part of something. I was so alone. I was neglected.
I was not visible and not important. I was told I talked too much. I was too much. As you can see or hear just from listening to me. I’m very deep. That’s not comfortable for many people. And so, I was ridiculed. I was made fun of about it, and as I’m processing and thinking out loud and talking and thinking everyone’s like me, I was picked on and put down.
And so I learned to stifle my voice. I learned to be quiet and not. So that I could fit in, so I could be there. So, let’s just not be heard, not be seen. Don’t let anyone see who you really are. That’s why I fight so strongly for individuality today, because if I could have accepted myself, maybe I wouldn’t have had the attempt. Maybe I wouldn’t have tried to bail to exit permanently.
And if other people knew that and they were accepted and they had permission to be the individual stuff that they were different, however that looks, then maybe they wouldn’t have checked out permanently. I don’t know. I’m not here to save anyone. I am here to expand your thinking. To maybe change your perception. To give you something different to consider.
That’s all this podcast is about. And I actually think that’s all my life is about because there’s not much else that interests me. And it is, I wanted so badly to have a family. I had a desire since I was a little kid. I would spend the night at friend’s houses, and I didn’t want to go home. I never wanted to go home. I would go to school because I had friends in food there. I was fed. There was electricity. It was cool, or it was warm, and there were people to talk to.
I don’t know why this is so heavy on me today. I think it’s because there’s been a couple of incidents that have brought it to light, and if I can speak it, maybe someone else will have permission to experience it for themselves and maybe they’re afraid to speak it.
So, I’m not afraid to use my voice and talk about what I’m experiencing with this wanting to bail out so that we don’t fail and wanting to check out permanently, so we don’t live in failure. Because we don’t know the process. We don’t know how to get out of it.
If any of you are interested, I have the Flaw of Attraction, which talks about this. It’s a digital course that you can get. We lack in belief because we’ve never been taught to believe in ourselves, and we lack in desire because we actually don’t think it’s possible and we don’t want to get our hopes up. So, my desire for breaking these generational cycles, my desire for helping those who are on the edge of not wanting to live anymore, those who are on the edge of checking out because they don’t have the steps, they don’t have the process; they don’t have the knowledge, and they don’t have the belief that it’s possible for them because they have no evidence.
Their mind has no evidence because of their upbringing, because of their environment, because of the people they live with or live around. And the desire is stifled by the disbelief and by the ignorance, the lack of knowledge. So, I do believe that desire is created. I created the desire for a family and to bring generational cycles and to have a life of freedom. Freedom to be myself, freedom to express, freedom to explore.
So, making money is very important to me, and I’ve been put down for that, too. And made wrong and bad and sinful for that, too. And these things are hard to overcome when you’ve had an upbringing where you were put down and not accepted. Are you seeing… are you guys getting where I’m going?
So, the desire actually becomes a threat because if I desire it, then I’m either going to live in the disappointment of not having it or it’s going to cost me this discomfort in becoming a new, improved version of myself. Because I’m going to have to die to the old self and the old relationships, the old friendships, the old belief. Everything that was up until now has to die. And it is an extreme amount of sadness and grief and disappointment and disheartening of what some people will say and do, and the severed relationships that take you back to the old wounding. And so, the desire becomes the danger. So, I am afraid to desire it because I set myself up for a disappointment of either not getting it or getting it and losing something else.
I hope this is speaking, since for someone… I hope it’s relatable. It feels very real for me, and I will be doing some talks on this. I’ll do some calls on this in the More Than Mindset Facebook Group for you. Those who don’t know about the group, it is free. This podcast is a free resource and the More Than Mindset group is a free resource where myself and some of the coaches actually do trainings and challenges in there. And I come on at least once a week and do live. We do a hangout sometimes up to a couple of hours where we just explore our human design and our desires. We get to talk about our desires. We get to support each other in our beliefs, and so it’s a community of consciousness where we want to become more mindful, more conscious, more aware, and we want to achieve something that has never been achieved the generations before us. So, if that is an interest to you, if you are a legacy leader, in other words, you are creating a new legacy and you are leading the way for your family… I call this the Million Dollar Grammy Movement.
It’s not about making millions of dollars, guys. It’s about stepping into that role and creating a change for generations to come, whether you have children or don’t, whether you have grandchildren or not. All of us have had the experience of not being afraid to desire, of not knowing, of not believing, and when we come together, and we hold the belief for each other, we can actually change things outside of us.
So, it doesn’t necessarily have to be our children. Maybe I will affect someone else’s child and that will affect their children. So, I might be helping another mother because her daughter or son can hear me where they can’t hear her, and we can actually create that change in their lineage that they benefit from. And maybe someone can affect my children because they can’t hear me. And that will therefore affect my grandchildren. Another way that I see it is maybe I can affect your grandchild and create an impact, and then my grandchild will marry your grandchild, or they will be in the same class together, or they will meet up somewhere in the world that will impact them.
Guys. We’re in it together, like it or not. One’s not better than the other. One’s not hurting more than the other. One’s not darker than the other. This stuff, this separation about who suffered the most and then invalidating those others because if they don’t have the right color that represents that they suffered, that is bullshit.
All colors, all nationalities, experience suffering. And when we start labeling and boxing whose pain is worse than someone else’s and whose is valid to be spoken of and to be healed, we’re often not in it together. And so that’s where a lot of this comes from. It’s stuff that I see, and I hear, and I don’t often talk about unless it’s behind closed doors.
So, for me, doing this in public is a little scary, right? Because I want to bail out. Because my nervous system doesn’t like it. To say anything that’s challenging, even though I do—I know a lot of you think I’m very courageous—it’s only if I really have the desire to create a change and a change in perception and a pain, a change in your reality, your personal reality.
So, I hope this was helpful for someone. If you are wanting to bail out, wanting to quit, wanting to throw in the towel… exactly what I did last year. I threw in the towel. I bought the van. I was just going to go out, travel, live off of my bucks that I had made, do some online coaching, and screw everything else.
I was not going to keep fighting for this business. I wasn’t going to keep fighting for this mission and this impact and this purpose. I was just like done. Done. Didn’t want anything to do with it. And then I found myself feeling very empty and unsatisfied because, actually, this is what I want to fight for. But just saying, I understand what it’s like to bail.
I know why you bail, and I know why I want to bail today. I talked to my business manager yesterday about bailing. It’s like I’m not afraid to talk about it, right? So just bring these three things to your awareness if you feel like bailing out: is it a lack of knowing, is it a lack of belief, or is it a lack of desire?
And can you create desire, and can you trust that having the desire—this is the big part, right? Because it’s like this fear of desiring, so we bail in advance so that we won’t be disappointed so that we don’t have to feel the disappointment. But here’s the thing… you find the disappointment, anyway. Got it?
So, trust. Do you trust enough to bring the desire on board? All right. I know this was a long one this week, so let me know if you think someone else would benefit from hearing this. Share it. Come into the More Than Mindset group. Let me know you heard it. We would really appreciate the activity to help with the algorithm in the group because we would love to grow this community with more risk-takers and change-makers and generational-breakers. Right?
And if you are a legacy leader, and you’re interested in the 10-week Intensive… you want to do this work for yourself so that you can help your clients on a deeper level, then I invite you to reach out to me personally. I am hand selecting for that, so there is actually not a sales page for it.
I have to vet every person because we take a very small group of people, and it is very intensive. Very intense. It’s called a 10-week Intensive. And I really help you to understand what’s going on in the mind and the body. And for many of you who are coaches, this is the thing that’s preventing you from taking your clients deeper. Because you know, as soon as you start working with your clients, all that traumatic stuff starts coming up, and if you don’t have the resources to handle it, you will bail out. And that’s not fair to the client. It’s not fair to you either. So, get the resources. Build yourself up. Get the skill set. This is not a certification.
It’s not about putting a paper on a wall. It’s nothing like that. This is an actual experience that I take you through, and then I explain to you how to help your clients.
All right, guys. Have a beautiful week.
Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.