Ep #134: Dying to the Old to Become the New

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence Coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to the show. I am happy to report I am pretty close to 100% being on the other side of Covid. How do you like that? I have a couple of clients and friends who are actually in the process of recovery right now. And I want to send them massive amounts of love, and healing energy, and vibrant vibrations.

I believe wholeheartedly that we have it within ourselves to completely recover and return to physical wellness, physical wholeness. And possibly, this has been so interesting for me, possibly return even better than before.

It’s been a very interesting experience. And I feel sure that many of my clients and friends can say that something has transformed since my Covid experience. I do believe that everything that life presents to us is for us, including Covid. Even if, even if it was done by man, it was still allowed here. That’s kind of the place I am.

I think I used some of that anger, and rage, and disappointment, and whatever, all that stuff. I used it to actually propel my healing forward. And now that I’m on the other side of it, I am living the benefits of having experienced it. And guys, I don’t know what it is, I probably should bring on a few other people who have actually experienced this and we could just dialogue about it and share the experience.

Because I do realize that for those who haven’t had it yet, that it is a fear on your mind. And it’s something we’re all hyper aware about. And that weight of fear, and worry, and what if, the message that we receive. So I want to tell you that it has been one hell of an experience. I think the conversation that I have with people who experienced what I experienced, is so much richer. It’s so deeper, the inquiry itself is so interesting.

So if that’s something you guys would like to hear about, I can bring a few guests on now that I have some within my arena, who I’m sure would be happy to share. But on to today’s show.

I am talking about two things, and these are questions that I’ve received from clients a couple of times. I say a couple of times, it’s been a few times.  And one of them is what do you mean when you say dying to the old? And the other one is what is embodiment? And because they are related, I’m going to discuss the two and bring you full circle.

So when I’m talking about dying to the old, I’m talking about it in the context of to create the new. What I do know, and I for sure can tell you that there’s a lot I don’t know. And I’m not ashamed of that, I’m not afraid to say that.

And just being aware of not knowing has made me know so much more because the curious and wondering mind, and for me, for those of you who know about Human Design, for me personally, I have a wide open head, Ajna, throat, root. I have a lot of undefined in my body, like in my graph. And that creates a lot of space for exploring.

And it’s interesting, through the exploration, through the questions I’ve sat with this and contemplated on what does it mean to die to the old in order to create the new? And here’s what I’m going to tell you, this is the contemplation, or the results of the contemplation and inquiry.

In order to create something new in your life, to create new results, a new relationship, more money, better health, whatever it is for you in particular, or for your clients. In order for them to create something new, they have to become something new.

In other words their perception, their awareness, the understanding has to align with the new creation. Otherwise, they will continue to repeat the old patterns and behavior. And therefore they will continue to receive the same results. Got it?

So, we have to die to the old ways. We don’t burn her, throw her away, shoot her, destroy her, that’s not what I’m talking about. It is the perception of the identity of your personality. That’s a lot of big words. The perception that you identify with, your personal reality.

See how I put those words together? It’s game play. Our personality is a reflection of our personal reality. In other words, the world we live in, the lens we look through, the experience that we have because of our understanding creates the results in our life. I know that’s a lot. Like we could dive in and tear apart the layers of this.

And I’m hoping I’m doing it justice, and that you have a great awareness and takeaway and understanding of human behavior. Because if you can identify with this, if you can see it, if you can put it into context, it will change your world. You know, we are doing the active Belief Boot Camp this week, and this is something that we are discussing.

On day one I shared the reason that we believe the way that we do, or the reasons. I shared what creates our belief system. Like where does it come from? Why do we believe this way? And how do we change it? And this is in direct correlation of that. In order to create a new identity, a new perception, a new reality, you have to be able to see the world differently.

So if you are the old identity, if you are the old personality, if you are the old perception, that won’t work. Can you see what I’m saying? So if you continue to think the same, and believe the same, and your truth remains the same, you’re going to continue creating the same results. There’s no way around it.

So the dying to the old, or the old self, or the old identity is the mental construct of your understanding. It’s not in physical form, although your physical form will change because you will see the world through a different lens. You will have a different truth. You will believe differently. Therefore, you will create differently.

It sounds like a lot of woo, I get that. But I want to teach you how. How to do that. And the very first step is to first be aware of what you believe now. Why you believe it. How did you come to the point that it became, I’ll say nonnegotiable? In other words it’s like, “It’s just the way it is. You don’t understand. You don’t live in my world. This is how it is for us folks out here.”

Do you see how I played that out? That is what we do with information because the mind is so curious. And it wants to know that it knows, so it will create shit. It’ll make it up. Whatever it takes to have ego nourished and fed, to be right.

We hold on to so much that is actually against what we really want because we don’t want to be wrong, we don’t want to change our mind, we don’t want to be judged by people. And so we go into full-fledged ego effect of protecting this knowledge that we hold on to, this truth that we can’t let go of.

I feel like I’ve been preaching all week. I don’t know what it is, I’m telling you guys, something has changed and shifted in me. I feel like I’ve like let go of something old and become something new. So it’s perfect time to have this conversation.

The hardest part is I can’t look at you, I can’t see your reaction, I can’t see your eyes and tell if you’re staying present with me. So that’s one thing I don’t love about podcasting that I do love about retreats, and events, workshops, webinars, that kind of thing. Is when I can see you and hear you, then I can respond according to the message that you are relaying back to me.

And so sometimes it looks like bringing in more context, more examples, teaching in a different way, maybe bringing a visual or telling a story. But because we’re on a podcast I’m going to have to just trust that you are going to get this.

So dying to the old is like changing your glasses, rose colored glasses, creating your own world. And it might kind of sound like make believe, guys, but it’s not. It’s actually more real than anything I’ve ever experienced.

So I have been sitting in this wonder, in this curiosity, and I’ve asked myself a lot of questions. And the poor souls around me who have been tortured with listening to me ask myself a lot of questions to try to figure it out, bless you. I am very appreciative and grateful for you being my sounding board as I am trying to make sense of this.

Because here it is people, what we can understand we can change. And so if you can understand what we mean by the old ways and the old self, then you can actually understand how to create that new identity, that new perception.

Now, a lot of you think that your memories, your past is what made you who you are. I want to challenge you on that. I know, I know, I hear it all. I posted it in the More Than Mindset group and I got all kinds of feedback. And you sure give a lot of credit to those memories. And I want to challenge you to flush them, to release them. To let them go and create new ones.

And not new ones that you’re going to be attached to, but new ones that you are going to be present to. So back to the topic at hand, dying to the old self is the only way to create the new. Because if you do not change your mental understanding and your emotional state of being, I’m telling you, there is no way to create something new.

I’ve tried and I’ve got a pretty busy brain and I don’t give up easily. The one reason that I keep coming to, which is preventing you from doing this, is because you are hanging on and clinging to that identity because it scares you. It scares you to let it go. It scares you to think about what you think other people will think about you. It scares you.

I’m telling you, this is exactly what we’re talking about in Self Healing Masters, in E-School, in Mind Body Business mastermind, in Belief Boot Camp. In all of the work that I’m doing with all of my clients, that fear of what other people think is so powerful. And I want to offer you to let it go.

And I don’t mean you saying, “I don’t care what they think.” Because that’s not true. The truth is, if there were such a truth, is that we do care. And that’s painful. It’s painful to care. It just is, right? It’s very disappointing. It’s very saddening. It would be way easier to care if we could control people, but we can’t.

So if you are willing to love them anyway, to receive them as they are, and to allow them to be themselves and see that it’s just thoughts going through their head and it’s thoughts about themselves. It’s thoughts about their biggest fear, about their worries.

This is what we do, we project and reflect what is inside of us. And what they are thinking is about them. No matter how you twist and turn it, it always comes back to us. Our concerns, saving face, preventing shame. It always comes back to that. It always comes back to us.

You know what’s the thing that gets under my skin more than anything else? It’s for someone to think they know me and to judge and label me. It’s okay to judge me. But labeling, I can’t be put in a box. I don’t care how hard you try, you’ll never figure it out because I won’t allow it because I don’t live in a box. I am a soul in a human body living in the material world in this time and space.

And I am a flexible being. And I’m not willing to be tied down to an old story. I’m not willing to be tied down to memories. I’m not willing to be tied down to pain, and hurt, and the ways, the tactics that my brain has come up with to protect me. I’m just not willing to stay there. And that’s why I can transform. That’s why I can become new. That’s how I can become flexible. And that is why life is always changing the world that I live in.

Now, I have been judged by that. I have been critiqued about that. People think I should be the same all the time. But that’s only so that they feel safe and they know what’s coming next. That is not my problem to solve. That is their lack of flexibility, their lack of wonder, their lack of curiosity.

Can you see where I’m going? Can you see the protections, the reflections, and the stories that we make up? We got to be willing to let that go. We’ve got to be willing to wake up in the morning with a clean slate. What is here for me today? What can I create today? How can I contribute? Who can I connect with?

And maybe it’s about connecting with yourself and what you want. Because the reason it is so hard to die to the old self is because you’re so attached to safety, to knowing, to believing life is predictable. It is not. No one knows. No one knows. No one knows. Say that to yourself throughout the day. No one knows, we’re all figuring it out. We’re all learning.

And y’all that is as close as I can get to the truth that I live today and to always be in curiosity and wonder so that I can see what’s next. What is next? What if you just ask that every morning? What’s next? What can I create new? How can I see this differently? How can this be done for me? What are the benefits of me experiencing this? This episode, this circumstance, this situation?

Those questions will take you to the new. But notice what comes up in your physical body just thinking about it. Do you feel that? That’s resistance. That’s, “You’re crazy. If I let go of my memories, of my beliefs, of my truths, then I will dissolve. I will be gone, I will no longer exist.” But it’s quite different from that.

You will have a deeper experience if you’re willing to even question yourself so that you can come to authority of your own life. Because what is happening up until now, with the generational patterning, societal conditioning, environmental messaging, religious dogma, like all of that stuff has played such an important part in you that you’ve been brainwashed.

And you guys, I hear you talking about being brainwashed. And you think we’re hypnotizing, and persuading, and we’re so bad and we’re trying to influence you negatively. No, not at all. When I say brainwashing, I’m talking about taking the fire hose and cleaning out the smut in your mind of what you think is reality so that you can see most of what we cling to and hold on to is just an illusion.

So now I feel like I’m getting into crazy talk. So I’m going to move to the next step. So first, you have to die to the old self, which is just meaning you have to die to the lens that you’ve been looking through. So are you willing to change your glasses?

And just try it on. Just that ask these questions in the morning and throughout the day and see. Just see what comes. Are you willing to test it out? That’s all I ask you.  Are you willing to get curious? Are you willing to wonder?

Don’t try to cut off and burn and throw away parts of yourself. That’s not what we’re saying at all. It is actually about dancing with the shadow. It’s about being in the whole entire experience. Getting comfortable in the uncomfortable. Loving to dance in the darkness and allowing the light to come in while you’re in that experience. It’s both.

So let me talk to you about embodiment. And then we’re going to bring these two together. So think about this in the body. So it’s about taking the experiences and allowing them to, let’s see, download maybe, or be felt? I’m trying to use words that are going to make sense.

So here it is, you have a soul that inhabits this physical form, this meat suit, this body, and you’re in this physical world, this material world. But there’s something somewhere along the line between religion and just dealing with trauma and things that we’re not comfortable in life, we somehow thought that life was outside of us.

So we need to escape the emotions, the feelings because we haven’t been able to embody the experience, negative or positive. And so all we’ve been taught is to shut it off, turn it off, don’t be that way, don’t behave like that. Don’t think like that, then you won’t feel like that. And that has not served us.

So now we’re understanding that the life that we are experiencing right now is actually requiring the physical body. And that’s the invitation. That’s what I want to invite you to, is are you willing to have new experiences through new perceptions so you can create a new personality that will be embodied in physical form? So that you can fully experience and express. That’s a lot.

The embodiment process is the journey in physical form. It sounds kind of boring, right? It’s kind of like, “I got to go fold the clothes, and wash the dishes, and sweep the floor. I really just want to go and do it’s fun.” It is important. Getting inside of your body is the most important thing you will do on your time here in the material world.

Gaining authority of your life, of your decisions, of your experience, those two work together. The only way you’re going to be able to come to your authority and to stand in that as a sovereign being is if you do the integration and embodiment work.

And what we’ve been taught to do has set up these boundaries, these barriers, these warning signs that it is dangerous to do that. And I want to tell you otherwise. It’s the most prevalent work you will ever, ever do because we have given our authority away.

Think about how many times you doubt yourself, “I’m not ready. I’m not qualified. I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy.” How many times do you consciously and unconsciously think that in a day? In a week? In a month? That’s because you don’t trust your own authority. You don’t trust your own experience. You believe someone outside of you knows you better than you or knows what’s right for you better than you.

And it is by no fault of yourself at all. It’s just the conditioning that we’ve experienced from our parents and from society, from our environment in general. And so dying to the old self is dying to the conditioning that society has taught you. So you’re not dying.

Do you see what I’m saying? Please respond and tell me you understand that I’m not a foo foo, woo woo crazy woman. Because this work has been so powerful.

And if I wouldn’t have so many clients in Self Healing Masters who are truly living the benefits of this, and what I’m seeing with the entrepreneurs in E-School, and also everything that I am witnessing, through this work, through my clients, with me being able to see that transformation and them see it in each other has given me so much courage.

So the confidence comes from the courage. Do you see what I’m saying? You don’t wait to feel confident to go out and be yourself, to be in your own authority. It’s actually requiring courage to wonder, to be curious, to question.

And I know it’s scary. I lived it. And I watched the look on your faces when I’m offering it. It is scary because we’ve been taught all of the worst case scenarios. But has anyone talked to you about the best case scenarios? Has anyone talked to you about the actual transformation that happens when you transmute the shadow into the gift?

So now I’m talking the embodiment work, from the mind body connection, the integrative healing approach, Human Design, Gene keys. Like really understanding your astrology, your cosmology, your psychology, physiology, neurology. When you can understand that those are all aspects of you, and the problem is, it’s been severed.

It’s been disconnected. And because it happened at such a young age, you’ve been walking along as this person, as this identity that’s not actually you. What? Big eyes. A little bit of sweat on the brow, right? You’re like, “Wait a minute.”

Yeah, it’s kind of like finding out there’s no Santa Claus. There’s no Tooth Fairy. You’ve been lied to, you’ve been duped. Now what? Are you willing to question it? Are you willing to consider that there could be something else? Or do you want to continue recreating what you know and what you have experienced over and over and over?

Do you want to keep recreating it? Or do you want something new and different? And there’s no judgment either way. You might be done, you might be satisfied. You might be good here. Just going to hold on, do it this way. I don’t want any more challenges. That’s pretty scary. I don’t want to go through any more crises. I don’t want to fall apart. I don’t want to drop my eggs out of the basket. I’m good right here. If that’s you, that’s okay, I love you.

But if the results you’re living with right now are not enough and you want more and you want to experience more, I want to give you permission until you can give yourself permission. Because this is a hard lesson for all of us. UPS is not going to come knocking at your door and say, “Hey, you have permission.” Ain’t going to happen. You’re not going to get it in an email, not going to happen. You’re going to have to give it to yourself.

And you’re going to give it to yourself when you realize you actually are in this alone. We are, all of us. You’re having this experience in your body and we’re just lucky enough to know how to be in relationships, and to connect, and to have experience with other people.

Which brings the problem, we get attached. And then we want to hold other people back, we want to keep them the same, we want to stay the same. Why? Because your brain wants safety. That’s it. It doesn’t realize that change, and growth, and transformation, and new experiences are safe also, until it’s been experienced. And that’s what I want to offer you.

Dying to the old self is just releasing the memories or your interpretation of the memories. And I’m going to tell you right now, most of you who are telling that story, it’s just coming from your memories and it’s not even how it actually happened. It’s the way you interpreted it.

I’ve been listening to multiple sides of stories for many, many years. And it always blows my mind. I remember when I was doing nails and hair and tanning, and I was the place to go to. Let’s just say that, I had lots of clients. And there were families and friends who would come in. And we kind of had to monitor things, right? Because this one wasn’t talking to this one, or she just married my husband, or she just did that. I heard all sides to the story.

So I have been in this work for a very long time and I am telling you, you put these people in a room and you get them to listen to the other sides, it’s like they weren’t even there. It’s very fascinating.

So I want to challenge you on that. Are you willing to question some of these things that you’re holding on to and you believe they’re your truth in order for you to feel safe, and it’s keeping you exactly where you are? Are you willing to question that?

And are you willing to embody a new perception, a new understanding, a new experience just by being in curiosity and wonder? Just by questioning some of the things that you’ve been taught? Just the willingness to see if there really is a Santa.

How many of you woke up at midnight, or sat on the stairs, or peeked out of your room and waited for Santa to come? And for how many years until you finally realized you’d been duped? You’d been lied to. Someone passed on some kind of story, some kind of myth, and brainwashed you to believe until the day you were able to think for yourself and have your own experience.

But it was disappointing. It was sad, right? They took all the fun away. And you had to grieve that. We have to grieve that old identity. We have to grieve our disappointment that we were lied to. That we were manipulated. That we were controlled. We have to grieve that, feel that sadness. That’s the dance with the darkness. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to feel jealous and envious.

They’re not fun, but it’s okay. Because they’re part of your human experience. Are you willing to embody all of it, both sides of the coins? Let’s say you can’t have joy unless you experience the sadness. Let’s say that you can’t have satisfaction unless you also feel the disappointment, or the frustration compared to the satisfaction.

Let’s just say that, the more sides of the coins, the richer your life will be. The richer your life will be. Are you willing to question, to explore, to allow, to let people be who they are, to not think what they’re thinking is controlling you? But to be in your own authority. Love to say homogenization is like brown M&Ms. We don’t want to all be the same. We don’t want it.

Well, you might, I don’t. I believe in bio individuality. And I want to taste the rainbow. I want to be in the bag of Skittles. And that is the world I am creating. And that is the lens that I look through. And I get to have those rose colored glasses. That’s my belief, it’s my world, it’s my experience. And I have created it and I’m living in it. And you can too.

So you get to choose, do you want to be like everyone else because you believe that that’s going to create safety? Or do you want to join the rainbow? Do you want to be part of the colorful, vibrant, tasty? Hmm, tough choice, right?

All right, that’s it my friends. I just wanted to talk to you about questioning some of the things that you believe, being willing to explore curiosity and wonder, to question things to ask amazing questions, and to have new amazing experiences.

And I’m going to leave you with one last thing. I want to thank you for coming week after week. I want to thank you for participating in the More Than Mindset group, for being part of Self Healing Masters, and E-school. And whatever part in my life you are playing, I am in humble appreciation of this community, of this organization, of this world that we have created.

And I’m going to also encourage you to keep the blinders on. If it feels good, keep doing it. And allow other people to have their experience. Some will be disappointed, because they can’t control you, because they can’t manipulate you, because they can’t persuade you. Many will be disappointed.

But here’s the beauty, when you do that, they will fall away or they will come along. And neither has anything to do with you. It’s allowing them to have their own experience. And I know this is scary. I get it. I’m going to end this with a big old thank you and I love you. Until next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.