Ep #25: Becoming the Watcher

We all reach a point in our lives where we recognize that something isn’t working and we are not in control of the path we’re on. Whether we blame it on the past or have faith that life will give it to us, we are not receiving the richness that we know we deserve.

Today, I want to talk to you about the process of becoming your own watcher and learning to recognize your beliefs as they are. As you come to understand these beliefs, you can prepare yourself for the mental work required by the integration that allows you to transform your life. By noticing and starting to question the stories you have, you can do some very important groundwork for changing your beliefs.

Join me as we start to think about taking a step back and thinking objectively about the way we act and what drives us in our decisions.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How you can change the story you have about your life and take control of your path.
  • Ways that our accustomed beliefs change how we live and reinforce themselves.
  • The importance of noticing and questioning your thoughts non-judgmentally.
  • The process of understanding the results we are getting now so we can make changes for better results later.
  • How you can alter the thoughts about yourself you’ve always assumed were fixed.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners, the only podcast that can help YOU help more people, create a greater impact, and make more money in the health and wellness industry. Join Master Clarity and Confidence Coach, Kim Guillory, as she teaches you how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started…

Hey there. Oh, my god, I have to tell you; today, we have the most amazing weather. So, I think the perfect temperatures, no matter where you are, is between 72 and 74. 74 is my all-time favorite. So, I’m here in Louisiana where it’s, like, really, really, really, really hot. And today it is perfect.

It has a cool breeze and we started off in the 60s going into the 70s and 80s. It is amazing. Everyone’s in a good mood. We don’t have that oppression of humidity, shall I say. That’s what I call it. It’s like this you can’t breathe and you can’t get away from it kind of feeling and you just want to stay inside, and then we are deprived of sunshine and outdoors and nature. So today is one of those gifts.

So I want to talk about that today, even in this episode, is the gifts, the creation, what it is that we want more of and how do we get it? Like, first of all, let’s talk about why we don’t have it.

So I’m going to break this down in a couple of ways, that it’s really about beliefs. What you believe, what you make out what happens in your life, what you believe about that, it’s all your stories. So when I use the word story, and I realize I use story a lot, I’m talking about the story is the description or explanation of what your mind sees is going on. It’s its interpretation of life.

The story is the drama, the perception, the what it is that we interpret and believe, so it is our belief. So someone can see, like an accident or an injury or an illness as a gift and someone else can be the victim of it and see it as a curse.

And so it’s like, what is the story that you create around it? What’s the story that you create around divorce or around illness? That story is like your unconscious belief and it takes that story and it lives in it. And then because it believes it, it creates more of it. So that gives you an idea of where all of this starts.

If you believe this is a safe world and you believe you can have anything that is possible and that you were designed and created to experience all of life, like, all of the ifs, you could have it all. You could have the amazing relationship with the fabulous place to live and whatever your vision of a beautiful family is, whether it’s four-legged pups or two-legged kids or whatever it is, your belief of that possibility.

The power of possibilities lies within your belief system within your mind. And I often refer to it as BS. I was like, look, let’s hop into the ring and let’s relieve your brain of all of the BS. You know, some people can see that it is bullshit. Some people can see that it is the belief system – it’s still BS. But I say BS and story I use interchangeable because it’s the thing that you create or make sense of according to the perception and the belief that you have.

So I want to talk about becoming the watcher of that, like, taking your mind, putting it in the passenger seat, and it’s just watching. It’s the watcher. It’s the thing that is kind of understanding, elaborating, or how can you become the watcher of your own life instead of the reactor to the thoughts, to the feeling, to the story? Could you just watch the story?

And this is something that we stay on in the coaching group for a very long time because you’ve been brought up to believe a certain way. And this is kind of counterintuitive of all of that. It’s more like questioning, is that true? Why do I think that? Why do I put mayonnaise on this kind of sandwich? Is it just the habit and the thing you’ve always done, or is it because you really like it? Or is it because that’s what your parents made you eat growing up? What’s your story? Is it something that’s wrong or right in your mind?

Are you willing to take a good hard look at your beliefs, at your thoughts, your habits, behaviors, your conditioning, your generational patterns, religious upbringing, all of the things that you have been doing that have created the results that you now have? Sit on that for a moment because you’ve got to really get it at this level before moving forward because what you don’t want to do is try to bypass the deconditioning, the unveiling, the releasing, dismantling, unplugging the root story.

It’s the pruning phase that is so painful in the change process. So we can just agree on that. It’s the letting go of the things that are not working, the things that are familiar, in order to move into the new unfamiliar, the unknown, okay.

So if you’re willing to take a good hard look at why you do the things you do and ask the question, is it true for me? Is it something that someone taught me? Is it something that I’ve always seen so I don’t know another possibility or another way? I don’t have any proof that it could be different or it should be different – and some of the reasons that we hold onto things.

So we can just look at faith in general. Well, if it was supposed to happen, it would have already. You know, if God wanted it to happen, God would have done it. If it was supposed to be, it would have. So that’s one. That’s kind of like the chronic settling, like, just receiving, yep, not possible for me because it would have happened, I wouldn’t have had to do it. It’s kind of like a lethargic thing to that. It’s kind of like let me just sit back and see what life brings me and see what God delivers. Yeah, maybe I’ll just win the lottery and I won’t have to figure it out and that kind of attitude.

So that’s one of them. And sometimes it’s like the faith is – it’s a mixed faith.  It’s not necessarily on the belief of freewill aligned with the exterior force or this greater knowing that’s beyond us, right? I’m going to talk a little bit more on that later.

So let’s just say faith and believing that if it’s supposed to happen it would have already and that life happens to you, that has nothing to do with you. You’re just waiting on life to happen or not happen.

Another one is blame. So it’s someone else’s fault. Well, it’s not my fault, this is how I was raised, this is all I know. That’s not what they told me in second grade. This is how it’s always been. I read that in a book or whatever it is. It’s just this blame that someone else is – like you’re taking on the responsibility for someone else’s beliefs or someone else’s thoughts or you were, like, in a bad sham, you know.

It’s like you were brought up in the wrong household and they were poor and your dad beat your mom or someone left you, it’s just blame, like I’ll never have it because I’ve never been good enough and no one ever showed me how and I wasn’t able to go to college. It wasn’t available for me. Yeah, you know, I just never had the chance. Like, no one ever knock on the door and came get me to go, you know, no one ever showed me, no one ever taught me differently. So that’s the blame.

This one’s pretty interesting and it is the guilt, like I can’t have better, then I’ll be left out. Like, if I go any bigger then I might not belong here anymore, the guilt of having more than your parents or your friends, the guilt of being seen and respected or achieving will leave you isolated and alone. So that’s a pretty big one when you feel guilty about it.

So I want to stop right here for a moment and share the thing that really got me to see this one. And it was a poem that was in the book Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. And she says, “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God and your playing it small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us. It’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So, when I’m talking about guilt, it’s that guilt that you becoming more will leave someone else behind. It’s kind of like that judgment and comparison but it’s really about the unsafety and the not belonging that comes up for us when we think about not being in the familiar, in the norm, and not fitting in.

Because as humans, we truly need to feel safe, we need to feel connected, we need to feel like we belong. So these are three big reasons that I see clients having trouble moving into more. And so blame – someone else’s fault, you didn’t get what you needed, somebody made you this way, life happens to you. Guilt – that if you grow bigger and better and more, that you’ll be left out. And faith – like, if it were supposed to happen it would already have, and just waiting for life to happen to you, instead of integrating.

That is the whole point of this process is we want to dive into this work to see, first, what are the things that are holding you back? We want to understand. I want to create an impact through awareness, through awakening. And then we want to plant the seeds of possibility.

But first, we have to see why we’re not doing it yet. We have to see how we’ve created what we already have. And then we can move into the how do we create something different. And that’s the actual membership that I just started. It’s the process. It’s the action to traction.

We take the step by steps. We do this work like individually and collectively. And the work that we do together creates that traction. So you can imagine these tractor tires or these grips going across the highway, like by turning them and making the movements and taking the actions, you actually get across so you can get to the other side where the possibilities are.

And it’s the understanding why we do what we do, and then the how to comes to you naturally. But this is the process, the actual action process to doing the work. And so what we’ve done, just all of us, trying to figure this out, just humanity in general is we keep looking and seeking gurus and teachers and leaders and guides and we just keep indulging in more information and we’re not integrating, we’re not bringing into our life, in a simple practical way, that the mind can understand and absorb and that we can truly change our thinking change our beliefs so that we can create more hopeful feelings, more encouragement, more inspiration, and then we can then take the action from that feeling to create something different.

So, the uncovering of the mystery, that’s basically what we’re doing here is what is the mystery of what is change so hard? Why do we have what we have now, the results we have now, and how to change so that we can create the results that we really want? That’s the power of possibilities. We have to first understand so that we can take the action.

So we’ve been trained to believe the way we do. We’ve been conditioned to it our entire lives. We were born into it. Well actually, you were born in perfection. And that’s where the Integrative Life is going to take you back to. You were born with all of the answers within yourself until you were conditioned to believe otherwise.

I guarantee you, there is not one of you listening to this that does not have fear, doubt, unworthiness, limited beliefs that you can’t have what you really want. Scarcity – scarcity is that there’s not enough; there’s not enough money, there’s not enough love, I can’t have someone who can be in a relationship with me and we can have it all.

There’s never enough money. No one understands me. I can’t get this. That’s all scarcity. It’s a scarcity mindset and you were not born with it. Well, maybe, you may have some genetics that were passed down that are beyond. But most likely, you were hypnotized into it in the way that you absorbed what was going on in your environment. And this is huge when we’re talking about finances, chronic pain, depression, illness and disease.

Guys, it’s huge because the world we live in, the time that we live in, we have been told that our bodies are not dependable, that as they age, they will create issues and problems and illness. We were taught, according to our background and according to our upbringing, what we could or could not have compared to the neighbors, compared to the rich people, compared to whatever it is.

There are some people who have guilt and they can’t receive the abundance because of their religious beliefs. They have guilt that they have more and that means someone else is suffering because of it. Like, if I receive this, who am I to think I can have all of this luxury when there are people who are starving? Can you relate to that?

All of that, that’s all in what we’re doing right now in the Belief Boot Camp.  We are breaking down all of these belief systems. We’re breaking down the BS and we’re stepping into the power of possibilities. So what we have to do is decondition.

I talked last week about deicing. We’ve got to remove the debris, the clutter, the old thinking that’s been poured into you your entire life. So this is going to be a little awkward. But what happens one day, you guys wore up and realized something’s not working. I want more, I want what I see others having, I want that lightness in my step. I want that glow. I want that smile. I want that joy that I am seeing on other people. I want this paint o be gone. I want this anxiety to be gone. I want this confusion and chaos to be gone.

That is what happens. That is the call to awakening. That is the call to wake up; something is not aligned with who you truly are. That’s the moment, that moment right there, such a sweet, sweet moment. It’s magical and it’s mystical and that’s when you started searching, and that’s when you started looking. It’s like, it can’t be this way, I should not be waking up in this extreme pain every single day.

Like, I’m healthy, I love my family, I’m active. What happened? What went wrong? Why can’t I have this breakthrough? Why can’t this business take off? I have the desire to help and to heal. I went into the medical field. I went into coaching, or whatever it is, the health and wellness industry to help other people; why am I in this position? What’s happening to me?

Why can’t I make the money? Why can’t I heal my body? Why is this not available for me?  And it’s the conditioning, guys. There is nothing wrong with you. Your brain has latched onto this defense and it’s believing your mind. It’s believing the story. It’s believing the BS, the old belief systems and the patterns and the behaviors and the societal systems that your body is not available for healing, that it’s a muscle thing or you’re out of alignment.

You know, they’ll tell you – let me just stop it for a second. So I am a massage therapist. I know all about the schooling and education of the body. I’m a yoga teacher. I’m a 500-hour certified yoga teacher. I did a lot of anatomy training. I understand what you’ve been told because I was told the same thing.

And it’s hopeless. It’s hopeless to believe that you’re at the mercy of medication and surgery and someone else’s hands and it’s not true. It’s false. That’s just the beginning of the awareness, the impact here, the eye-opening awakening to realize that you are available for more. And if you choose not to believe it, I love you too.

Everyone has their place. Everyone has their experience. And everyone gets to be exactly who they are and if they cannot or will not trust or believe or even imagine that something else is possible outside of that mindset, the belief system that they already have, then you may just continue to experience this forever, and that’s okay. We want to honor that too, we want to honor everyone. No one is better than the other. We’re all here to be mirrors. We’re all here to reflect. We’re all here to evolve, to grow, to love, to find this unconditional love, empathy, compassion. So it’s all perfect. It’s all perfect.

But for those who want more, who want to uncover this mystery and who want to tap into the power of possibilities, even if it’s just by removing one belief and by playing around and practicing with just trying to manifest or to bring or to create one little thing, whether you believe it’s by serendipity or by chance or luck or alignment or manifesting or just creating, however you want to call it, whatever language you use – I use those interchangeably.

What we are doing is first getting your mind to understand that we see, we’re watching you, we get it, we see why you’re afraid, we know what’s happening, and we don’t have to do anything about it. We’re just becoming familiar, becoming friends with the way it behaves. So we’re just noticing. It’s just like watching the weather, watching a thunderstorm. You just want to watch your own mind and watch these stories and start asking the questions. That’s your first step.

And then you want to – how do I say – you want to take it out to play.  You want to take those thoughts on a play date. This is kind of like the dancing with the shadow. It’s like you just want to test it out, like look, let’s see if we can be friends. Maybe we’ll go take a walk. Maybe we’ll go sit in the yard, put our feet on the grass. Maybe we’ll go and explore this together.

So you can kind of find a common ground where it’s not necessarily bullying or calling out or putting down. Can you just call a truce? Can you just settle in and just see this is just the nature of the mind? This is just the nature of humanity.

I want to invite you to that today. We’re going to keep moving into creating, but this actual episode today is in alignment with the Belief Boot Camp. So I’m teaching on that this week. And if you haven’t heard about the membership site, you absolutely should check it out. It’s starting this week but there’s recordings, so you can jump in at any time.

There’s no urgency except if you come in while we’re actually doing it, you get live coaching, so you get personal feedback and coaching and as it’s taking place. Otherwise, you’ll get the recordings and the replays, but I encourage you to come in and get the work and ask questions, like, be interactive. Let us be in the process together.

We have this amazing community. It’s high-minded, high-vibing, and it’s all about raising the possibilities in your life. So I would love to see you there. But you can continue to follow along here. And maybe you can do the work at home. That might work better for you.

Just so you know, the membership is just $39 a month; it’s very practical. And we’ve got all kinds of cool stuff planned out for you. We have some masterclasses. We’re going to be introducing so many modalities and tools, you know, EFT and mindset and hypnotherapy and regression and just so much energy work as well as mindset work and emotional processing.

 And we have a whole episode geared towards just coping skills and just feeling feelings and really working with that deep dive into the physical manifestations of chronic pain, chronic illness and disease. We’re going to be breaking through all of that. So I would love to have you on board and share that experience with you.

Alright, until next week, your job is to be the watcher, just the passenger. And just watch what’s happening and kind of let the mind do its thing and be entertained by it. Turn off the TV, turn off the radio and just watch. It’s pretty interesting. Alright, bye-bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.

 

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