The concepts I’m introducing to you today are hopefully going to open your eyes to a new way of building confidence in yourself to go after what you really want. Too often I see my clients (and myself too) fall into the pits of doubt and frustration, so I want to help you get out and succeed by building on layers of belief.
Having faith in yourself, trusting the process, and ultimately trusting in yourself is invaluable. Tune in to discover how to broaden your mindset, rather than just looking to others to prove your limited beliefs true.
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Hello my amazing friends and welcome back to the show. I of course feel excited because I always do. Always excited when it’s time to do the next one. So this is what I’ve been contemplating on, so I’m especially going to talk about business and entrepreneurs this week, but just know that you can apply this in any circumstance or situation.
You can put this with relationships, career, in general. It’s just because I am an entrepreneur by heart and it’s what I’ve always done and it’s the training and coaching that I do. It’s typically just where the direction of my conversation ends up.
So this is what my current circumstance or situation has been, and I want to show you how I work around it and continue to go through it, and why I believe that life happens for us. It’s not that – it’s a total shift in perception and in mindset whenever you’re thinking about these things happen to me or these things happen for me, and that’s what I want to offer you today is the concept of instead of looking at life as this circumstance and being the victim of life is how we can embrace all of it.
Like, all of it. The things that don’t feel so great as well as the things that feel amazing. And not to get attached to believing that things can be amazing all of the time. So what – I’ve been working on building a yoga community here for quite a few years now.
So I’m in south Louisiana and it’s not – I don’t want to say it’s not welcomed but there’s still a lot of fear around yoga and what it is and is it being seen as a religion or are we worshiping other gods, is it like voodoo. And I know this is going to be funny to some of my listeners because I’ve talked to some of you guys in LA or New York and you’re like, “Are you kidding me?”
But guys listen, I’m not saying this in a judgmental way but I’m saying this from a way of this is just who we are. We’re simple. Things are calm. We don’t necessarily like change or embrace change. We don’t like to stir the pot is the language that we would use.
And what happened was – to get to my story – I have a client who came in to start doing yoga and she contacted me first and she was like this is the thing I really think I need to do, it’s like I’m in my 70s and I’m losing strength and balance and everything I read about it and hear about it, it’s like it seems like the thing that’s calling me. And I’m just going to let you know in advance I did talk to the priest and he told me that it was a sin and that the – not that yoga necessarily was the sin but it’s the practice of yoga that can take you into the sin.
And I’m listening, and I’m listening with like, humbleness and gratitude and openness and really listening because I was there. I remember because I was told the same thing. And my body was broken and I was desperate to find a solution and exercise was out and yoga was the option that I had.
And I remember the first time – there was like this quote by Buddha that was given in the class and I remember my eyes getting really big and I was like, “Oh my god, oh my god, it is true, we do need to be afraid.” And I looked over at my friend and I was like, since then, I’ve seen where those beliefs have really held me back and it’s coming from a fear.
But I 100% completely understand it and I have respect for it. So with that being said, she says like, I’ll possibly lose my job if they find out I’m here because she works at the school in the church and is part of that, and I was like, really humbled by this. So my old mindset and belief was people here don’t want it, they don’t want change, I’m fighting a losing battle, I’m always swimming up a stream or I’m actually trying to climb the waterfall, this is so hard.
And in that moment I realized I no longer think that. What a beautiful thing. I no longer think that. It’s actually – the fact is someone said I’m in my 70s, I want to try yoga, and my priest said that it was wrong, I shouldn’t do it. That’s the fact. Everything else from that moment on is our perception and what we want to make that out to mean or believe.
In the past, what that meant to me is this will never work, they will never get it, I will never create the community that I want to live in here, it is impossible, it’s not available to me. See? See? They just keep proving it over and over. That is the thing I would have been saying to myself because that’s what my brain would be telling me.
What happened this time is I was truly in a space of being able to listen very neutrally. Just as the spectator and with understanding and empathy that this was a big deal. Her church, her priest, her belief, like all of this was a big deal. Her soul. And I wanted to hold the space for that and yet say that yoga is safe and say you get to choose and I get to choose what I think about the circumstance and it was a beautiful exchange.
I just can’t say how mind-blowing it was to see myself look at it differently, all because I knew how to manage my mind and how not to take it personally like I talked about last week, taking things personal. And then making the assumption that everyone believes that way. The whole community believes that way, everyone believes that way.
Because those two things would have truly been the thing that would have taken me down and back into the pits of doubt and sadness and frustration, and it didn’t. It totally didn’t this time. So what I want to talk to you about is what I used to do compared to what I do now.
And here’s the concept that I created and I’m using in my practice and in my life with my clients and in my training. So I used to wait and see. Let me wait and see how it goes, let me wait and see how they respond, let me wait and see if that brings in money or brings in clients. Let me wait and see if this is going to work.
How many of you have done that in your relationships and in your business? Well, I’m all in but I’m going to wait and see before I truly invest, and that could be – when I say invest, I mean monetarily but also mental and emotionally. So we invest on different levels. So we can put our money up and not truly believe, or we can say we believe and we’re all in and never really put the money up.
So, with that being said, we have those layers, trusting layers of belief, layers of the waiting to see compared to the I’m going to go and get it. It’s such a beautiful dance that we have with life. So what I used to do is wait and see. Let me wait and see how many people are going to come to yoga, let me wait and see what they say.
And in this case, it was the wait and see would have been the thing to actually stop me because what I saw was they don’t support me, they don’t get it, I’m going to be rejected. They’re going to use this against me. Can you see that? The wait and see would have been like I’m waiting to see what the response from other people is going to be before I see what I’m going to do and move forward from here.
So this was big. This was so big that I created the whole concept around it. So what I think now is when I’m waiting and seeing, I believe that the decision is outside myself. I believe that someone else knows better than me. I believe that the answer or the solution is outside of myself. Like it’s at the mercy of someone else. My business is at the mercy of the community, what I want to offer, what I do, how I show up, what I want to create is at the mercy of other people and if they show up or not.
And what happens is we end up speaking to the naysayers. We end up – so we’re in the ring and we’re doing the dance, the courageous and daring and creating and moving like Brené Brown would say. We’re doing the dance in the ring. And instead of being with those that are like, right there cheering us on or actually in the ring with us, we turn from the ring and we look over at the cheap seats way over there.
They’re sitting there and they’re just like, watching and comparing and waiting for us to fall, wait for us to get beat, and we take our attention there and we convince them of how we’re the winner, of how we can make this happen or how we can do this. And it’s like trying to prove, like hey, look, see, I’m in the ring, see, I can win, can you see? Can you see? Do you believe me now? Do you believe me?
I know, I’m getting a little crazy here but that’s what it feels like. Like hey, let me show you, let me show you. I call this needy creepy behavior. Like needing the approval. And so you do all this crazy stuff like to see if you’re going to get it. You wait and you see how they’re going to respond, if they’re going to approve, if they’re going to be a part of it or if they’re going to laugh at you and then maybe that is the telltale sign for you to quit.
Stop while you’re ahead, don’t fall completely down. Just give them a little taste of it and then wait and see how they respond to it. And again, it’s about the solution being outside of yourself. Like I need tangible proof from the outside world. The brain, the logical brain wants to feel safe always and it always wants to solve problems, so it’s like you’re not safe, you should quit now. That’s the brain’s job to find the problem and figure it out.
And my thing to tell you today is what if there is no problem and what if it truly is about knowing and going instead of waiting and seeing? Like know that you can trust what’s inside of you, what you’re being told to do, trusting your gut, trusting your inner knowing, trusting the vision that’s been planted within you.
Like, this community, it’s really just a health, high-minded, conscious, aware community of living life to its fullest in ease and flow. Like how can we be the best version of ourselves and uplift the entire culture and community. That’s the vision. It’s not so off the wall, it’s not so woo-woo. It’s truly our birthright to live in abundance, to believe so deeply that you take actions every day and you watch it grow, you watch yourself create it, you watch other people grow and then them themselves as they show up, they create more of it.
This know and go, choosing what you want, believing that you can have it, making the decision. Like yes, this feels right, I believe it, I believe in me, I believe in life, I trust the process, I have faith, I trust this feeling, and I trust that the solution is not outside of myself. It’s actually within myself and even better than that, there’s not even a problem. It’s like there’s not even anything to solve.
Once you’ve found that peace and ease and flow within yourself, there is nothing left to prove. You’re basically just hanging out in the ring with others who are doing the work with you and for you and supporting you and you’re supporting them. That becomes the community instead of looking over at the cheap seats and expecting them to invite you over or you to take them in. Not going to happen.
There are fans and spectators who are right there in front of you, who are cheering you on. Focus your attention there. And just close the curtains on the ones who are looking for the failure, who are looking to prove that that can’t possibly be true, who are looking to prove that their limited beliefs are what’s in existence.
Don’t even worry about that. It doesn’t even matter. It’s not personal, you don’t need to change them, they’re not doing anything wrong, you don’t need to judge them. They’re actually the gift in your life to get you to push through your fear and your limiting beliefs. That’s the gift that they have to offer you.
So it’s not even about closing the curtain and judging them and turning them off because they’re not supportive or they’re bad or there’s anything wrong with them or that they’re better or worse. It’s not like that at all. It’s truly about they are doing their job here exactly the way they’re called to do it. That’s the part that they’re playing in this scene where you happen to also be.
Scene 13, red shirt, blue hat, what part are you playing today? What is your name? And it changes. It’s always changing. Sometimes it’s your boss, sometimes it’s your husband, sometimes it’s your kids, sometimes it’s your coworker. We play many parts for each other. Not against each other. For each other. All for the reason of evolving our soul.
Isn’t that amazing? So good. So instead of waiting to see what the naysayers might say or think, instead of waiting to see if you are safe, you just make the decision. I already know and I’m just going to go. So you know and go. This is the way. You just take the next step.
And once you step into that, you have to believe it. You can’t just oh, I know it in my gut so I’m just going to go. Like, there’s another layer to that. You have to truly believe it. You have to believe it’s available for you, you have to believe this is something you can do, and if you don’t, you have to be willing to do the work around figuring out why you can’t.
And so this is the second step of the process that I teach, this is the unveiling. Doing the work around why you can’t is the unveiling the old story that has been telling you that you can’t do it, be it, can’t achieve it, whatever it is. It could be an old kid’s story, it could be something that you heard, it could be from an old marriage or relationship. Maybe it was the last job you had or the boss you had, but somewhere, somehow, someone told you that you couldn’t.
Because I guarantee you, it did not come from your own inner knowing. Have you ever seen a kid start walking, try to walk, fall, and never get back up again? They all get back up because they know they can because that’s their inner knowing. They eventually get up and walk. It might take them 18 months, it may take then 24 months, but eventually they get up and walk.
They don’t just fall, oh yeah, I was waiting to see if I would fall so I’m just going to stay right here. No, they’re like oh, I know I’m going to get up and go. The other part of this that you can add to your bank of concepts is believe and be. So work on that belief that you can have it and be willing to do the work around why you think you can’t because I swear to you, it’s only a thought.
It’s only a thought. Someone, somewhere, somehow told you you couldn’t and you believe them. You believe them. So you have to be willing to fall and to fail because that is the way that is the path between the thinking and the having. The believing and the doing.
The path in between is you are guaranteed to fail, to fall. It happens. I think of the belief system kind of like a new fawn. It gets up to walk and it’s kind of wobbly and it’s feeling its way into belief. They’re really strong when they’re born and they have like – I could just see it standing up in the field and having a little shake and you literally feel this shake in your nervous system as you’re growing into your future self.
It’s something that truly happens on a physical level also. It’s not just mental and emotional. And this is the thing; when you’re waiting to see, it’s as if it’s up to someone else or something else instead of it being up to you. Whereas when you make the decision and you just do, you know the decide and do, that’s about you. And the believe and be, that’s about you.
But the wait and see is oh, well let me see about the economy, let me see how many people are going to come, let me see if I can do this coaching thing, let me see how many people I can help, let me see if they rebook an appointment. That’s going to tell me everything. This is our brain. It’s so crazy.
The thing is when you’re waiting to see, you’re at the mercy of life. You’re at the mercy of the client, you’re at the mercy of the cheap seaters, as well as the front liners, as well as the ones in the ring because you think there is something outside of yourself that’s going to make this possible instead of just knowing that you are the person, you are the solution, you already know the way.
And what happens when you’re at the mercy of life and you’re at the mercy of other people, you’re actually in victim mentality. Like oh yeah, they didn’t come. That’s just how it goes in my world. You become the victim and we don’t want you to be the victim. That’s probably the biggest thing to overcome is to get us out of victim mode.
And being in victim mode is only believing your thoughts that you can’t have it, you can’t do it, it’s not available for you, they’re going to laugh at you, they’re going to reject you, I’m not worthy, I can’t prove it. That’s the victim mentality. It’s nothing but a thought. It’s just something that your mind creates.
And because your brain’s job is to keep you safe, it’s going to keep telling you these stories so that you keep playing small so that people don’t see you fail and fall. So I’m just going to leave you with this. Let me just ask you, tell me, so what if they see you fail and fall? So what if they see you sucker-punched? So what if they see you knocked out in the ring?
Honestly, just sit with that for a moment. Is that one thought, that one feeling worthy of you giving up your dreams? Is it? Because here it is. If you’re waiting to see the proof of the results and thinking that that’s going to give you the confidence, I’m here to tell you that’s not true. I see this all the time in my coaching practice. I see this with my clients and I saw this with myself.
Your brain believes that it needs to see the results in order to feel confident. I need to see clients paying, I need to see them returning, I need to see them telling other people what I great job I do. I call BS. Let me tell you how to build confidence. Let me tell you all about building the bridge to confidence. It starts with the dare to believe. It starts with courage.
It starts with courage and belief so strongly that you’re willing to take the action and you’re not just willing to fail and fall. You will fail and fall. And understanding that and accepting that. And each time you try, you add another plank onto the bridge each time you try because courage, belief, and action are the bridge to the confidence that you’re seeking.
It is not coming in other people, in their actions. It is not coming outside of yourself, it’s coming from within yourself. So I’m just going to ask you to really take a look at what are you waiting to see? What are you waiting for? What’s that proof that you’re waiting to see because I can bet you you’re waiting to see it’s not possible.
You’re waiting to see that the priest tells them not to come or waiting to see that they don’t show up or waiting to see that they no show you or waiting to see that they won’t pay you or they don’t buy your service or whatever it is. You’re waiting to see that he did not change. You’re waiting to see the proof that this is not possible for you.
Guys, this is like the real stuff. This is like, the anatomy of success, the anatomy of believing. It’s like we’re really diving in there to look in the nooks and crannies of what truly is the difference between the shameless success of the entrepreneur, compared to the amateur who’s just waiting to see.
Yeah, I’m just going to offer this, I’m going to make a few pies, I’m just going to offer it and if I sell so many then I’m going to do something else. What happens is they never grow into the belief and so they might sell 100 but then poof, it poofs out. And that’s because they didn’t truly believe so they didn’t make a plan as if they did believe so they didn’t know and go. They didn’t decide and do. They didn’t believe and become. This is everything.
Alright, that’s what I have for you today. I want to hear from you. Let me know. You can make comments or you can find us in the Integrative Life Facebook and connect and let me know if this is helpful and if you’re starting to implement some of these concepts in your life and using these tools and what a difference it’s making because this is the core of transformation.
It’s more than just listening and absorbing information. It’s about taking action, it’s about being willing to fail and fall, taking the steps even though your legs are feeling wobbly, even though it’s hard to stand on your own. You just know that you know that it’s the thing that grows you and it’s so worth doing. Alright, until next week.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.