Ep #74: Burn the Backup Plan

Welcome to More than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and Confidence Coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion, to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back. Alright, you guys, I got away last weekend, I went to Toledo Bend Lake as I said in the last one. We went to hang out by the lake, rode around, looked at a couple of cabins that were for sale, made me dreamed about owning one and then decided not to, all that good stuff. But it was good to get in the car and go somewhere else, yeah, I haven’t done that in a while and now I want to do it again.

What do you think is going to happen out there? Here is my prediction, I think this is going to be a couple of years, two to four years, a little push pull, a little bit of tugging. We’re going to have some freedom. We’re going to be able to move about then they’re going to pull us back. And then we’re going to go back and we’re just going to keep acclimating and it’s going to become a norm. That’s my prediction. We will adapt and adjust as humans always do and then we’re going to grow and evolve under pressure. It’s such a beautiful thing.

That’s just my prediction, take it or leave it, find your own, whatever works for you. I just happen to believe we’re going to be alright, we’re going to work it out.

Alright, so let’s get started with today’s show. In this episode I’m going to talk about burning the backup plan. So you may have heard, we literally cut down and burnt the sign I had in the front of my business, 20 years. Sorry I didn’t get a picture for you. I saw it burning and I didn’t realize it was it until after. So I didn’t get that but it’d have been kind of fun to literally watch it burn. And I probably would have had some thoughts about that, but it’s over and done and got a few lessons. I learned from the experience of holding on just way too long, and this is what we do.

So in the episode today I’m going to talk about why we keep the backup plan around and what you can do differently. And steps that you can take today to start moving forward. So, listen, we hold on way too long just in case. And that is the very thing that keeps us where we are. We keep negotiating, waiting, half assing it, but now it’s time to make a decision. It is time to go forward, go all in on yourself. Tear it up, burn it down, crash the backup plan. Are you ready? Let’s do this.

Just so you know, I did this so many times over the years, I can’t believe I’m still talking about it. I would say I used to think about changing things two to three years, I would just kind of tolerate it. I got really, really good at procrastinating and tolerating, managing my mind, white knuckling, bypassing, ignoring, pretending it wasn’t there. And just kind of stifling and settling and hoping things just fall apart. You ever did that? Just hoping the other person or the other thing will end so that you don’t have to come forward and confront. So that we don’t have to make the decision.

It would feel so much better if they would just go away, or if they would just quit or something would happen so we don’t have to make the decision. And sometimes that works. I know being in business, I’ve had times where I kind of thought I didn’t really want to do something, I was hoping something wouldn’t happen. And boop, it gets cancelled, did you ever have that happen? And then there’s other times I would think about my clients and I was like, “I haven’t seen so and so in a while.” And then they would call, it’s like magic.

Anyway, but what we’re talking about right here is this negotiating over, and over, and over. How long have you been in the situation you’re in right now and negotiating, five years, 10 years, five months? There is something that you have been thinking about doing and you haven’t done it yet, and the problem is you’re settling.

We are so afraid to make a mistake, to not go for the dream, we play it safe and then we don’t understand, like we sit in this dissonance. We’re so afraid to screw up that we just don’t go for it. And we do this just because it’s how our brain defends us, to play it safe. And it’s done for us, it’s just the tactics that are used to keep us alive. And by alive I mean safe and familiar, where you know what to expect, so there’s no surprises. So you don’t throw away an opportunity just in case you regret it. We do this all of the time, in our relationships, in our business.

Think about talking to entrepreneurs, most of you are health and wellness practitioners. So think about whatever it is that you’re doing right now, think back, how long did it take you to make that decision? And that’ll kind of give you an indicator of how long the next thing is going to take.

Sometimes there were just people in my business and it just wasn’t working out. And I didn’t want to let them go, I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. And I would just kind of wait for it to get worse, and worse, and worse until I couldn’t tolerate it anymore, and it’s kind of the same thing in our relationships. We kind of let them get under our nerves, like enough, enough, enough, enough, until boop, we finally blow up, we react. So it’s like we need that anger, we need that emotion to stimulate us into action.

But we’re going to talk about doing something a little bit different today. So first of all just recognizing that you’re settling, because we’re so afraid to make a mistake, we’re afraid to dream too big, we want to play it safe. It’s the way our brain defends us, and it’s what’s keeping us alive, and safe, and familiar. You know why? Because we are so stinking scared to feel failure. And you know what failure feels like? Shame. Shame is the culprit, it is what is driving all of this settling, the indecisiveness, the waiting, the not taking action. That is all driven by shame.

And it’s not this big bad monster, but what we make it out to be is a big bad monster, shame is a feeling, a sensation in your body. It feels warm, it feels kind of like flesh, heat, that is shame. It’s the worst thing ever.

Think about it, you’re not afraid to fall or people to laugh at you or not afraid to doubt and to fear. You’re afraid what someone else thinks about that and that’s where the shame comes from. And you know what you do instead? You shame yourself. And we’re just so used to it that we can’t even tell we’re doing it. The feeling is familiar, the feeling of shaming ourself, it’s safe because we know what to expect. Or we’re fooled to believe that we’re safe.

It’s fascinating. We’re so adamant about not experiencing shame, that we shame ourself and don’t even notice. Because here’s the real story, it feels terrible to keep beating ourself up, but we would rather beat ourself up than risk other people may be doing it. But I can guarantee you this, no one is as mean as you are to yourself. We would never talk to someone the way we talk to ourself, the way we shame ourself. And yet here we are, we stay in it, we keep doing it, and we don’t do the thing all to avoid feeling the feeling of shame as if someone else can do that to us, but we do it to ourself.

So we shame ourself in advance, isn’t that insane? We shame ourself in advance and we think it feels better than if someone else were to do something, or say something, or make a comment, a smirk, maybe not like our post.

It’s insane, what holds us back. All because we are worried about what someone thinks, but we don’t even consider what we’re thinking about ourself, how we’re beating ourself up. Yet every day we keep at it day after day, self-defeat, self-loathing, self-judgment, feeling this unworthiness and having the dissonance of I wish I could, I wish I could. I feel it in my soul I know this is what I’m supposed to do. And then just stay stuck in self-defeat as if that is going to motivate or inspire us.

Guys, it’s time to stop it, and I’m going to suggest that we stop it today. So let’s kind of just wrap all of this up. We hold on way too long just in case we may regret it. So it’s like, let’s not burn the backup plan because we might need this, we might need to come back to this.

Here’s a funny story, I’ll give you an example is everything I’ve ever done, all of my licenses, certifications, board certified stuff, I kept everything going.

A CDL, never drove the darn bus, but just in case I needed insurance I had a CDL, just in case I got a divorce, just in case my business failed. I was going to go and drive a school bus or maybe go drive the casino bus. I was going to do something with that CDL. Before I would be living homeless under a bridge, I knew that I had a backup plan, so I kept that CDL year after year, until it became really inconvenient to have to go and do – I had to go to the doctor just to get a health checkup or whatever so that I can renew the darn thing.

And I was never going to the doctor because I wasn’t sick and it became very inconvenient, so I decided to give it up in September. So this is something kind of recent. I did the same thing with the Cosmetology Board. I had not cut hair in years, but just in case, just in case everything else fails, just in case I have to go back to it. I don’t want to have to risk, we just stay living in this just in case.

So let’s talk about burning the backup plan and three reasons why you should do it today.

Number one, you were created for more. You are unique. No one else can do things the way you do them. And it is your job to be you, all of you, it is your responsibility and your role to show up in this world and represent the soul essence that you are. Your talents, your skills, your ability, the compassion and love that you have to share with the world, your knowledge and experience, your wisdom. You have that to serve the world. There’s something that you have that you can uniquely offer, and no one else can do it like you. You were created for it.

Reason number two, settling sucks. It’s that simple, it just sucks. How many years have you been waiting or how many months, how long? How long have you been dreaming about doing this thing? No matter what it is, for some you it’s going to be relationships, for many of you it’s going to be career.

Because I know stepping into your authentic power and your skill set, your craft that you have to serve the world with, that is scary stuff. That is like super vulnerable to go all in on yourself. And settling not doing it, sucks, it sucks either way. So you’d just as soon be doing something while you’re in action. You’re trying to avoid suffering but you are really suffering more and longer than if you would just do it. The worst thing that can happen is you are going to feel a feeling when you worry about what someone else thinks, that is it.

I have done this so many times and when you get to the other side you’re going to look back and not even recognize who was holding who back. You won’t even know who you are, because once you step forward and you step into that new identity of the person who does what he or she says they’re going to do. You lose the old identify, but you don’t even recognize that part of yourself anymore and you’re going to wonder.

I can’t believe I waited this long all because I was afraid of what someone else would think and what I was going to make that mean about me. Rather than just deciding that it means whatever about them, because you get to decide what you think about what other people think. What? For real. So just do it already because settling sucks.

And reason number three, it’s fun, there’s nothing more satisfying, fulfilling, and there is nothing quite like the feeling of joy. When you truly step into your power, when you finally decide you’re enough, when you finally take those steps forward and go all the way and quit backing up. Quit holding yourself back and just go all in on yourself. Quit half assing it, and start whole assing it, all of it, forward, one foot in front of the other, little hip thrust, little toe stepping. You just keep going, you just keep going and just commit to continue to step forward and not pause and not go backwards.

That’s it, that’s the three reasons you should burn your backup plan because you know you were created for more. You have something unique to offer the world that no one else can offer the way that you do, with your experience, your skill set, your drive, your passion.

Number two, because settling sucks, it sucks way more than experiencing that moment of shame that you are so afraid of.

And number three, because it’s fun, it’s satisfying, fulfilling to step into the power of who you truly are. There is nothing like the feeling of joy that comes from being yourself, so that’s why you should do it.

Now I’m going to give you some momentum, a little bit of action for you to move forward.

Number one, quit waiting. Decide and do it today, just make the decision right now and get it over with, rather than waiting to see, waiting on the results to show up, you choose to create the results. This looks like clarity over confusion, just do it, non-negotiable, going all in on yourself, that’s it. I’m not waiting on the results. I’m going to go out and create the results. We’re not talking about hanging back and manifesting and waiting for it to show up. I’m talking, make a plan and go.

The second thing, rather than waiting on someone to see your greatness, which is what we do, we wait to be acknowledged, we wait for someone to tell us how awesome we are over, and over, and over. But notice how it’s never enough if you don’t truly believe it. So rather than waiting on someone to see your greatness, go out and do great things. That’s confidence over confirmation, we don’t have to wait for someone to confirm that we are great, we decide it. And we step in the confidence of being that, the person who does great things and we just do it.

The third thing for you to do, rather than fear feeling shame and doubt just feel it now, just be willing to get it over with. I feel shame and doubt that this could go wrong, very, very wrong. People could say terrible things, and just sit with that and just imagine they said all of those things.

Matter of fact, this is so interesting, I was telling a client this today, I said, “Tell me who they are and what they’re going to say. And then let’s just deal with the feelings of that right now rather than living in the fear of it. And that way it’s going to be gone, it’ll be over. Let’s just go into the worst case scenario and let’s experience it, process it, integrate it, move on.”

Yeah, sounds easy, right? It is, it’s seriously that simple, the worst thing that’s going to happen when you move forward is you’re going to feel a feeling. You’re going to feel a sensation in your body, so what? Come on guys, quit waiting, decide and do it today, commit to yourself and your vision. And then you’ll have an action plan, you’ll know what to do next, you’re going to assess how it worked and then you’re going to pivot as you need.

So you’re not going to get it right the first time, second time, third time, fourth time, maybe you will, maybe you won’t. But you’re not going to get it right every single time, we never do. That’s part of the fun is actually giving yourself that flexibility, the pliability, being able to transition and move and try something new and different and come back and look again, and assess it. And say, “What did I do last time? What do I do this time? What have I not tried yet.” I look at the results and I look at what else I could create, that’s how it works.

Be willing to play in the flexibility, be willing to let go and not be so serious, and quit fearing the shame and just feel that crap. It’s going to feel crappy either way, if you don’t do it or if you move through the fear and do it, both, either one, because you’re going to have to feel something. So you’d just as soon feel it while going somewhere than feel it while going nowhere. That’s my advice to you. It’s going to feel crappy either way, so you’d just as soon feel it while going somewhere rather than feeling crappy and getting nowhere, boop, that’s it.

Alright, if you want to get support as you’re moving through this transition, as you’re burning this backup plan, come over to the More Than Mindset group. I do a morning meditation with my group, matter of fact we can link it in the show notes for you to register there if you’re not on Facebook.

Otherwise I show up, I do live coaching every week, and then I do a live interview. And we discuss the podcast or whatever’s going on in business or health and wellness for those who are in the group who are transitioning and using this work in their work or even on themselves, we’re there to support you. So I invite you to come over and let’s create your new plan as we burn the backup plan.

Hey, and by the way, I survived, cut the sign down, burnt it, ditched the fitness, the things in the business that I have been doing for 20 somewhat years, and I’m still alive. I had a little bit of grief, I kind of had to feel some emotions moving through my body.

And I had a lot of stuff going on in my head, I had to really find presence, unravel all of the things my brain was telling me about how it was a terrible idea. And it was unfamiliar, it was unsafe, I was never going to be able to go back. I was going to lose the clients that I did have, that was it, I was going to lose my place in the industry. I was not going to have any respect, people were going to talk about me, like all kinds of stuff, over, and over, and over. And I just let it roll and I just watched it and let it release, let it release, let it release.

The way I think about it is just stress moving through the body, we just have thoughts the brain produces over, and over, and over. Kind of like we have breath that the body produces, I am human, I breathe, I am human, I think, so what? I am human, I feel. Be willing to feel it.

That’s it, that’s what I have for you this week. Quit fearing the shame, feel it, move through it, commit to what it is that you want to create and go have some fun.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More than Mindset.