Ep #84: Choosing to Trust

Welcome to More than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion, to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey you all. Welcome back. Today I’m going to share a bit about where I’m at, where I’ve been and where I’m going. We will conclude with my take on trust, what I discovered and how you can adopt it in your life. So make sure you stay tuned all the way to the end to learn exactly how it’s done.

But first I have to tell you I am having so much fun this week. You know how much I love business and entrepreneurship. But nothing compares to how I feel when I could help someone shift from pain to pleasure, or from locked up to liberated. Nothing feels as amazing as being in the energy of this work. And doing it with others, with Self Healing Masters, guys, it is my new playground. There is nothing we are afraid to talk about. It’s an open space to heal on all levels. I don’t know. I feel like a little kid.

All week I was like, “It feels like I’m going to seventh grade and like I’m going to the junior high building and I’m not really sure what our rooms are going to look like, who our teachers are going to be.” I just feel this really fun anticipation in my body. It feels free, and joyous, and expansive and I know it’s because in the business coaching world, and with the integrative training that I’ve been doing, it’s got a lot more seriousness to it. It’s more about business, and money, and strategy and structure and that kind of stuff.

But this is like there’s no rules for the container. It’s like we have solidity in the foundation and in the process, yet we’re allowing life to lead us through the process as we discover more of who we are, as we unpack and unravel all of the conditioning and the stuff that we’ve been told to be. And we can show up authentically, raw, vulnerable, in ourself, as ourself. It’s so crazy. It’s so fun. And I think maybe I always thought I was a little kind of flexible and free and I made my own rules. But this feels completely different.

It was not an easy decision to go all in on this, I have to tell you. I stepped out of what I was doing before, and the financial security in that, and the proof of concept and the demand. And to move into what I feel is my soul’s playground, it took a lot of trust on my part. I had to trust my inner compass, that this did not feel safe. It was a lot less money, and it’s lifetime, so it’s not like my clients are re-upping every six months or every year. It was just completely different.

But what I feel in my gut and in my knowing, and the breakthroughs that I’m seeing, 50, 60 years of pent up stress and just pain in the physical body as well as the mental and emotional body and the spiritual disconnect. What we were experiencing with these clients, with the morning meditation, and in Self Healing Masters and with integrative coaches, I would have never expected to explore something so dynamic. And yet, here we are living it.

So it’s not just for others, it’s for me also, we’re doing this work together. And I think that’s what’s different is I’m super vulnerable, I’m sharing my experiences and I’m getting real and raw also, which gives them permission to do the same. So I know this, life is going to continue handing out shit pies, there will always be something changing and happening. And I want this container to be the support for that. I can already see deep meaningful relationships growing and bonding. I can see connection happening and it is so stinking fun.

We pulled human design charts, so I’m not sure if you guys know about human designs. But it’s really fun exploring parts of ourself that we haven’t identified yet. And as we explore and begin to activate some of this within ourself and then share that with the other group, it’s a beautiful way to validate the very essence of our being.

It kind of reminds me of when I began teaching about TMS. So for those who don’t know, TMS is The Mindbody Syndrome. I relate to it as the mindbody disconnect, you may have heard me say that. It’s when your brain creates pain in the body as a distraction so that you don’t feel repressed emotion. So it’s kind of off the wall. So this new container feels kind of like that. Like it’s a bit fascinating to describe I guess I’ll say.

So I was so afraid of what others would think and say, it was a really tough sell, people didn’t want to admit it that illness and disease come from emotional history. They wanted a band-aid rather than going into the wounds and feel what was hidden there, they wanted to bypass because that’s easy. It’s so much easier to blame pain on physical dynamics than it is to say, “I created this in my head.” This is coming from my emotions. That’s kind of tough to say.

So this – I’m just connecting the two pieces, Self Healing Masters is kind of like the whole TMS world. It’s where we identify root cause so that we can unpack it and then we can discover more of what we are and step into that role. And therefore the illness, and disease, and the yuck, and the boredom, and distress, all of this, that yuckiness that’s happening in our life falls away. Because the problem is not because life is bad, the problem is we’re not being all that we are. So we’re fighting against the very grain of our own essence.

If you think about what we have been told by the medical system, by society in general, by religion. It’s much easier to say the body gets old and breaks down as we age rather than looking behind the mask and deal with the sloppy feelings. It’s much easier to take pills and have surgery than it is to feel vulnerability and shame. I get that. I did this for a very long time myself. Denial comes very easy for me. It’s actually in my personal design.

Self-denial and martyrdom, that is my go-to, babe, I’ve got that covered, I can do it so easily. It is comfortable and safe. I don’t have to worry about anyone saying I am selfish, or that I want too much. So I’d rather just stifle my needs and pretend it doesn’t matter. I would rather repress and die than face humiliation and rejection. I would rather be disappointed than be alone.

I don’t want anyone to dislike me or talk bad about me. That brings up so much crap, so much past stuff, so much hurt. And yet this is what kept me stuck for so long. I see it in my clients. I still see residue of it in myself, in my relationships, in my business, it’s just there. It’s like an old habit, although I’m aware of it I notice where it kind of tries to sneak its way in.

So we are all shifting, even on a collective level, and that is very scary and very exciting. Very scary, yet we know we have to do it. We know in the deepest part of our knowing, that denial and repression is not how we are called to live. It’s terrible to feel bored and unfilled, not satisfied. It’s terrible to be frightened by change because we know change is going to continue to happen. Things are always happening. We have to grieve, we have to mourn, we have to be sad. We’re so afraid to face those emotions, to face that part of our humanity.

It’s hard and yet it is time, it’s time to trust. And that’s exactly what I’ve been practicing and what I want to share with you today. Trust is an action. There was a time where I thought it was an emotion. I trust, I feel trust, I feel safe, so then therefore I trust. But what I’ve come to discover is it’s a decision that we have to make and then we’ve got to go all in. And so when we think about our thoughts, our feelings and our actions, because that’s really the only three things I am concerned about is what am I thinking that’s creating this feeling that’s compelling me to take this action?

And so when I think about trust, what is required for me to take the action of trust? And what I discovered is the thought, I trust life. Guys, that’s a mouthful coming from me. I don’t have a whole lot of reason to trust life, just so you know. If you knew my past, if you knew my story, the very essence of who I am, if you know human design as a 6/2 now off the roof.

It took a lot of story, it took a lot of experience, a lot of growing to get to where I’m at now, to fully understand who I am, what my purpose is, what makes me come alive, what I share with the world, what is my gift, what is my being. It was not a pleasant route. I did not know that I was abrasive and a little tough. And I burnt bridges with some people. And I insulted them and scared them off and was a bit intimidating. But I honestly felt like a kitty cat and so I didn’t know I was doing that. It’s only that I see it and hear it now.

And probably that there was some part of me that was denying it. I didn’t realize that I was being less sensitive or less compassionate. I was just speaking the truth, you know how that is. Sometimes it’s just like I say what I think and not considering how someone else may be taking that. So that has been really in my awareness as I make this decision to trust, to trust in my relationships, to trust in my career, the changes in my career, the changes in my business.

I’ve also come to recognize that there is nothing more important than relationship, relationship with ourself, our spirituality, our relationship with other individuals, whether it’s our family or our community. It’s everything, it’s for the human, it is all about connection. So the more times you trust as an action, the more times you try it, the more times you experience it, the easier it gets.

So let’s talk about how to trust, because you may find yourself in a position right now where you’ve tried all the things and nothing seems to be working. And you’re not sure what else. And when you ask your own brain, when you go to yourself, you really don’t have any evidence from the past that is encouraging you to trust yourself. That’s where I was. And so really sitting with life itself and all that has happened, and sitting on the other side of the bridge. And retelling that story, changing the inner dialog of how I express it, how I share it, what I think about it was, I guess was everything.

Being able to make friends with the things that have happened, the things that I have experienced. And once I came to that recognition that it’s actually the things that happen in life are the things that help to grow us. They help us love better and have more compassion, and more understanding, and more empathy. And that I do, I have a lot of compassion and empathy.

I think that’s the beauty of Self Healing Masters is I wanted that container where they felt really safe, they had that one time investment where they’re all in. They won’t get kicked out. They won’t be eliminated. One doesn’t have a better rank than another. Everyone is treated as their unique self. And when – it’s like I wanted to say equally, but then I wanted to – that doesn’t feel right. It’s not homogenized. We’re not all the same.

We’re actually treated as the very essence that we are. So in other words, if you are a leader we’re expecting you to be in your leader role. And I don’t mean it by an expectation, I mean it by we’re going to treat you as you are, not how the world told you to be, not how you’ve been conditioned to be, not how someone has shaped and molded. But we want to get to the very core essence of who you are by design.

And we want to go into this exploratory phase so that you can retell the stories of your life also. So that you can change the inner dialog, so that you can change the way you experience what has happened and see it from the eyes of appreciation, from gratitude, from understanding, from sympathy and empathy, even for yourself. We want to nurture that child, that – I was talking a couple of weeks ago about feeling like a kitty cat being really timid and hiding. It’s like that inner child, that softness, that fragility that’s within us that has been wounded.

And it’s not all about going into your past and telling all those stories, you’re not in counseling, it’s not like that at all. It’s about bringing all parts of ourself onboard. And when we do that and we see that we can truly trust life, then we can take the action of trusting. But it’s only through the experience, the repeated experience, like going back and yeah, this happened here and I can see where I trusted. Yeah, this happened here, I can see where I trusted. I can see where this worked for me.

So first you have to decide and choose that you want to trust again. This is a big deal. If your heart’s been broken, if you have suffered grief, intense shame, and there is a part of you that’s like, I don’t want to fucking trust. Humans are assholes and I just have no reason to let my guard down ever again. So recognize that you have to first decide and choose that you want to trust. And then once you make that decision you have to commit to yourself, into the vision. And understand that it may be hard. It may feel vulnerable. It may be uncomfortable.

But if you commit to yourself and to the process, I guarantee you, the path to trust, oh my God, it’s so powerful. I feel so much more ease in my life, so much more playfulness since I’ve made this decision to fully trust life.

So once you commit yourself into the vision then you will start cultivating already, right now, as that person who trusts, who can trust, who chooses to trust. Who is willing to continue to trust over and over every single day. Who is willing to come back to presence and feel the sensations in her body and come into the sensitive part of yourself and allow her to be heard and seen.

Allow that part of you to be nourished, to be witnessed, to receive. That is so hard for us if you’ve, like me, lived the life of denial, of stifle, of putting your needs off in order to feel comfortable. And to feel in alignment with the group or whatever it is that you wanted that you couldn’t be yourself, that you had to be what everyone else in the room wanted you to be in order for you to feel accepted, that sellout.

So when you’re cultivating it, that’s like the secret source, because cultivating is actually feeling, feeling the trust in your body. What does trust feel like? It might feel a little shaky at the beginning. You may feel a little nervous. You may feel hesitant. Be with even that. I choose to trust while I’m learning to trust.

And then you continue every day, you keep getting support, you allow others to witness you, that’s something that I’m loving in Self Healing Masters is we’re actually doing the work in real time. And we have the community to support us as that newer higher version of ourself, that I like to say high minded or consciousness, bringing in this more conscious awareness of actually who we are as a soul being in this sacred soul essence.

And then let it be easy, guys, even the discomfort, let that be easy. Be willing to have tough conversations. And be willing to admit the things that you desire. Be willing to put yourself out there and be experienced in that desire, how that feels, how humbling that is. Being in all of it, just let it be easy. And not waiting until a crisis happens. Not waiting until you don’t have a choice. Not waiting until you get a diagnosis, or not waiting until that scary thing happens, but truly giving yourself permission now.

So that’s what I wanted to share with you today is how to trust. First you have to decide and you have to choose that you want to trust again. And I invite you, come over to Self Healing Masters if this is something that you’re battling with. Just step number one, if you’re like hell, I don’t know, I don’t think I’m ever going to trust again. I encourage you to come on over and do the work.

Once you’ve chosen to want it, that’s the first step. You have to choose to want it and then you have to choose to believe it’s possible, that’s when you commit. And then you have to cultivate it as if it’s already happening and you start taking these steps. You start having these tough conversations. You allow it to be easy. You celebrate yourself. You celebrate receiving and don’t wait until there’s a crisis. Don’t wait until you don’t have another option. And continue to get support to be witnessed as all that you are.

Allow people to love you. Allow people to hold space for you and to love on you, to share compassion with you.

Alright, that’s what I have for you this week. I hope to see you over in Self Healing Masters. May you all have a pleasant experience and even the willingness to think about choosing to trust again. I say that, I say that with deep, deep meaning, because it is a big deal, guys. It’s a big deal when we grieve, and we hurt, and we’ve been heartbroken. It’s hard to turn that back on. It’s hard to open those doors and allow someone in. I want to encourage you that it’s very doable and I wish it for you.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More than Mindset.