Do you read and listen to all this information about integrative healing and think to yourself, “I get it. It just doesn’t work for me”? My guest and I have been in your shoes and we know how hard it is to suffer with chronic pain.
Monique Derouen is an integrative therapist who helps her clients work through limiting beliefs about addiction, trauma, grief, and chronic pain. She has experienced the healing and relief that comes from doing this work consistently, so she’s the perfect person to talk to about why you don’t think it will work for you.
Tune in today to hear my conversation with Monique about why our clients sometimes don’t think that healing, joy, and freedom from pain are possible for them. We share our experiences of being in that mindset, and the things that helped us finally break through. Monique is sharing how she helps her clients heal intergenerational pain, and what you can do to start finding relief today.
Join me in Self Healing Masters, a program to heal your health, wealth, and relationships. Enrollment gets you lifetime access to my integrated healing approach so you can finally live your life’s purpose and help others. I can’t wait to see you there!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- How Monique’s body purged her old stories and beliefs.
- Why it can feel like no one understands your suffering.
- Why consistent one-on-ones are so important for making progress.
- How Monique’s work impacts her clients’ entire families.
- Why Monique’s word of the year is “pause.”
- Monique’s advice for those who think this healing work can’t work for them.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Join me in the More Than Mindset Facebook group!
- Check out my new YouTube channel!
- Monique Derouen Website | Instagram | Facebook
- Ep #66: Integrative Massage with Monique Derouen
Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.
Hey there, and welcome back to the show. So, I’m doing an interview with one of my integrative coaches, Monique. We’re going to talk about chronic pain, trapped emotions, and what we are seeing. Like with her client as well as our experience together. Like she and I, and how she experienced this same transformation within her own life, her own body.
So we’re going to kind of bridge this gap between what is TMS, understanding how to release chronic pain, where does it come from? How do we deal with it? What do we see? What’s the experiences that our clients are having? And we’re going to kind of bridge all that together for you guys so that you can get a better picture of how this work works.
Because I think there’s a common understanding that there’s a possibility of self-healing. But the mind, the intellect, thinks that it understands it. Like wants to know like, “I already know that. I already did that. I already did 30 years of work and I’ve already read 300 books. I’ve already listened to Joe Dispenza’s books or Bruce Lipton’s books. Like, I get it. But it doesn’t work for me.” And so we want to kind of like dial into some of that stuff.
So I want to welcome Monique, she is an integrative therapist, which means that she is trained in this integrative healing approach as an integrative coach, and she is a massage therapist, a mind/body practitioner. And so she’s just integrated all of that into one term. So welcome Monique.
Monique: Hi Kim.
Kim: How are you?
Monique: Thanks for having me. Yeah, so here we are.
Kim: Yeah, let’s talk about like when, you know, I don’t want to go into the whole history and story, I just want to understand. Because you knew too, but it didn’t work for you. And so I want to see if you can relate that to the audience. Because I think that’s where a lot of our clients are. This is what we’re seeing in the More Than Mindset group. This is what we’re seeing on our private Facebook pages is they’re like, “I get it. I hear you. That makes so much sense. It doesn’t work for me.” Or “What am I doing wrong?” Or “What am I not getting?”
So, in your own personal experience, I’m thinking of the time when we started working together, you had just like really committed to the work. And your entire body broke out in these hives, or this rash, this itching. I remember you were drenched in geranium and we were talking about the unprocessed emotions that had bubbled up. And you remember, you were curled up in the bed, you were like, “Oh my god, I’m just…” Let’s talk about that and how you relate to it today. Because it was aggravating back then.
Monique: Oh yeah, very much so. And it’s interesting because those pictures just came across my phone like at the two-year mark or whatever. Like it’s kind of like that time and I got the little memory of it. And I did, I was breaking out in hives across my neck, and my arms, and my belly, and my hands, and everywhere.
I was so irritated with multiple things. Number one, because I knew. I knew this work, right? I knew it inside and out. Why is this happening to me? You know? And then just the irritation, realizing that my body had actually created it for a reason, and I was so frustrated.
Kim: So let me just talk about this for a second. So, it was real, that we’re sure. It was persistent.
Kim: And you knew that there was a rhyme and reason behind it. So you had an understanding of it. But then you were still like pissed as hell because it was still there. Because the mind was like, “Well, if I understand, and I get it, and I see it, why is it still there?” Right?
So, I think this is where a lot of our clients are, right? It’s that like, “Okay, I know, but…” Or “I know, and…” So when you messaged me the awareness that we came to was that it’s kind of like that sloughing of that old and this new identity coming forward, coming out. And so it was like how would you say? What was the phrase that your unconscious was saying? That, you know, “This is getting under my skin.” Or “I can’t…” Like how would you –
Monique: Yeah. It was definitely under my skin. It was definitely irritating to my body. But it was like purging the trash, the old beliefs, the old stories, right? And they were coming through my body, was the best way that I could describe it.
Kim: Yeah, I remember at this point you were really kind of in that codependent position, where you were still trying to fix and do. Like it was leaving that part of you behind, like, “Well, then who am I going to be now if I’m not the family fixer? If I’m not the one that solves the problems?”
Kim: Like, “Who is this new identity?” And there’s like some shame about it and that mask wants to stay on. And then here’s this new stuff coming up. And then there’s that dissidence between the two.
Monique: So, you know, in my design I am a fixer, but I didn’t understand how to use that in my favor. I didn’t know how to use it as a benefit. Instead, I was using it against myself. So it was like understanding that I didn’t have to fix the world. I don’t even know that I had to fix myself, you know?
Kim: It’s like unsafe to lose the identity of, “Will they like me? Will I belong? Where will I be? Who am I?” And it’s like that shedding of what doesn’t work so you can do more of what does work, but we can’t see that. So the unconscious is holding on for dear life and creating all of these sensations in the body.
Monique: Yeah, my nervous system was on fire. Like, it didn’t know where we were going. And I didn’t have enough trust, I thought I had trust, but I didn’t have enough trust to really just jump, you know? That was the difference in what I knew and what I know now.
Kim: Love that.
Monique: And what I open to learning. Like it’s the part that I’m open to exploring now that I wasn’t before because it was so scary, and shut off, and not available, and ugh.
Kim: Almost like not wanting to be seen as what you don’t know. Like it’s so hard to… And we talk about human design and we talk about five ones and that’s kind of, you know, one of those traits. It’s a resistance, but it’s really a defense so that you can’t be seen for all, or it’s this protecting mechanism and then the body reacts, responds with these TMS symptoms and that’s, you know, the work that you do now.
So, I wanted to take the time to really sit with this. Is it helpful for you even to go back to it?
Monique: Oh yeah.
Kim: And like remember being there scratching, and being doused, and you were like, “I can’t do it, I can’t do it. I don’t know if I can do this. It’s just not working.” And that’s the dissidence that’s so powerful when people start doing this work. Because what happens is it actually aggravates it and brings everything to the surface. Which the brain is then, like you said, on fire. Like, “This is not safe, I got to get out of here. It’s actually getting worse not better.”
Monique: And it does get worse, you know, for a minute. Because your brain doesn’t see that you’re moving into a different space. It you’re not in belief in that moment, and trust, it’s like a freaking roller coaster, tilt-a-whirl, like some crazy stuff going on. It’s a lot of spinning, it’s a lot of confusion, and in that think-feel cycle that emotion reconfirms that thought and you just keep scratching, and scratching, and scratching and it just keeps coming our harder, and harder, and harder.
And at some point, we just shut down and freak out and blow up, you know. But I was being asked to just allow, just be. But I loved you and I stayed with you. “Just sit here and feel it, you’re okay.” And I was like, “I am not okay. This is not okay.”
Kim: I wish I had our texts to go back to.
Monique: Oh my gosh, I know. I might be able to pull them out of something because I bet they’re funny. But to just sit there and hold the space, and just keep bringing me back to present. Keep anchoring me back down, don’t let my balloon fly off, you know, it was hold down the basket. And that was the difference for me because, again, I knew this stuff. I mean I was very familiar with this information, but I couldn’t put it into practical actual light. I couldn’t merge the two spaces because the beliefs in the middle were so heavy.
Kim: I think this is so important because we’re now battling the neural pathways. So, for 30, 40 years have said something different, you know? Just through human nature, it’s just the human condition, you know, in general. There’s nothing that’s gone wrong, it’s not even about someone else making you believe anything else. It’s the way that you understood life and the way that your body protected you. You know, it’s our own mechanism.
And I think when we can really have compassion for that part of our self and that understanding, that’s when things really start to shift and change. But it doesn’t feel like that when you’re in it. Because, I mean, I remember specifically the times that I had the pain and it took me years, years to get this because I didn’t have anybody holding that space, I didn’t have anyone explaining it. You know, I was reading and trying to put my own experiences together.
And for those, you know, we’re talking about human design, I’m a six two. I’m now off the roof and so it’s been a lot of life experiences up until this point and figuring things out in order to be the role model, in order to share it.
And you know, I feel like we’re both living that, you know? Like, okay, we realize that there’s a greater entity than ourselves at play here and we’re just part of this paragon, this process, this experience and free will is actually will I align with what it is?
And I think we’ve both said that because our life was hell. Like, I know for you the addictions and the trauma. For me the trauma, the abandonment. Like all of that stuff, it’s like we logically knew it or intellectually knew it, but we didn’t really understand the intensity of the samskaras. And a samskara is just the emotional scar in the cells of the body. You know, when we experience these traumas that are unresolved. And I want to talk about that with you all.
So, I think the main reason for doing this show with you is so that your clients can hear a different perspective, like even from you, of yeah, you get it. And I mean, you’re telling them you get it but whenever you’re coaching them, they don’t really think, “Yeah, you didn’t really think I got it. You kind of thought I got it but you didn’t really think I got it.” You’re like, “This woman is bat shit crazy but I don’t know what else to do.”
Monique: Yeah, it’s very interesting. And I have this conversation with several of my clients because I understand trauma, and grief, and pain. And my clients tend to be along that same spectrum because we have stories that are similar and we relate to each other.
But when they’re in the story, when I was in my story, because it’s from my perception and my personal reality, you don’t believe anybody else can possibly understand. Or even have true compassion because there’s so much self-doubt, and judgment, and shame that we put on ourselves for the situations that we have been in that we don’t really even know how to forgive ourselves in those moments, or move forward, or let things go, right? Like letting it go.
Kim: Do you think that’s why it’s so important, I’m going to say this and I hope it doesn’t come out wrong. But why it’s so effective that they kind of be at their rock bottom? They kind of be out of resources? They’ve kind of already tried it all? They’ve done it all?
Kim: Because if I were working with you five years prior, or you hadn’t quite gotten frustrated enough, you hadn’t tried enough things and, you know, had enough failed systems. Because you were a big investor in personal growth and self-development, and healing, when I met you you were a big investor in it, you know? And I’m seeing that with my clients also.
So the difference between Monique and I is we both do the same thing, you know? But I’m working with a health and wellness practitioner who wants to do big things. And when they go to put themselves out there that’s when this stuff rears, and bubbles up, you know, and starts coming up in their systems because it’s the unconscious part of us that says, “Don’t do it, you’re going to fail. People are going to laugh at you, you’re not good enough.”
So, I’m working with the health and wellness practitioners so that more of them can get out there. And so that’s how Monique and I came to this. So, she’s helping the healing focused individual in a very unique, intimate way, you know, by doing one-on-one. I don’t do one-on-one for clients anymore unless they’re a health and wellness practitioner on my team. And I saw it was so important that, because you just said something that made me think about this.
You were like, “I find that my clients had a lot of the experiences I had.” Well hello, we’ve been in a human world, and we have been traumatized, and we have not been taught how to deal with that trauma. And so all of us have these repressed, and suppressed, and we’ve been oppressed. You know, especially out here in the south and in the bible belt, you know, by religion, by generational patterning.
And, you know, we’ve watched our parents do it, we’ve watched our neighbors do it, and so we just thought it’s the way it’s supposed to be. And so when you said that, you know, it brought it up for me that, yeah, millions, billions of people are in this, and it is in their bodies, and we have access to it.
And what would you say is so important about the way that you do it, being one-on-one, consistent, intimate, where it’s so safe and so different that it’s not something they’re going to get in a group or with a program. Would you say that that’s the difference between you and I? Would you have been able to get this far if we wouldn’t have had so much time together?
Monique: I’m going to say yes, that is a huge difference. And no, I would not have gotten this, I mean at some point maybe. I might have been multiple years on some intense stuff, but yeah, the one-on-one. For my personal transformation, the one-on-one was hands down what got me through it.
Because once the relationship is built, and the safety is put in, and the trust is available, and you can actually be vulnerable and it not be a scary word, it’s life changing. I can tell anybody anything now and I’m okay with that. Like truly, it feels clean to say stuff that I used to hold inside and create so much pain in my body with.
Kim: But you had to show your nervous system, your mind, that it was okay to do that.
Kim: Through the experience of doing it.
Kim: I see.
Monique: And that was the difference.
Kim: I remember when I was working one-on-one with clients and it was like the demand became so much higher than I was available for. And that’s why my passion is so strong about this. I knew how powerful the work was, I knew no one was doing it on this level. Especially the way that we’re really very high-touch, hands-on, you don’t see that very much in the coaching industry. You know, even in psychiatry and psychotherapy, it’s like this exact time frame and du, du, du, and you get out of the office.
And, you know, it’s like this same thing but this work that we’re doing is really breaking down those barriers, cracking open that shell. I always put my hand inside of my other palm and it feels like a little baby bird’s heartbeat, it’s that sensitive. It’s like there is a life inside of that body that is like barely beating. And we’re bringing it on board.
But after 20, 30, 40, years of someone or something telling them that it’s not possible, or that this is going to happen if they do that. I mean, that’s why I think the intensity of the one-on-one and the long term is so important.
Monique: Yeah, you know, I don’t know how many courses I took and it was like, “These three sessions will heal blah, blah, blah.” And do this, and do that, and try this method, and do that method. And they’re great, they all have their purpose, but it wasn’t enough to help me. It wasn’t enough to pull me out. It wasn’t enough to make a difference.
It was great, sure I can do meditation every morning and for an hour feel absolutely amazing. But then when I walk out my bedroom those are the humans, and there’s life, and there’s reality, and there’s environment, right? And we’ve been structured to believe the environment is the issue. I was the issue Kim.
Monique: Like, it was me.
Kim: Well, our belief.
Monique: And I didn’t know how to do it.
Kim: And I see this too. So, I’m a hypnotherapist, an RTT hypnotherapist, and that’s one of the claims is, it’s a really fast technique. Which it’s a beautiful technique and I love it, and it’s a really great way to get inside. Any of the hypnotherapy, NLP, energy work, we’re talking about like regression, whether it’s past life regression or just integrating these unfelt perceptions. Like those modalities are beautiful. And I mean from the experience you have this instant liberation. I love that and I’m glad that we have access to that.
Then we have to change the neural pathway. So it’s like, yes, you can get the liberation, but then that’s why I think the long term is so effective. It’s like the mind learns through repetition. And so that one moment of release is not enough because they go back to the conditioned human behavior. And the neural pathway comes right back.
You know this from dieting, people lose 30 pounds, it took them a year and then the minute they [inaudible] it dribbles right back in. It’s very much the same thing. So, I think the integrative approach, which is what we are teaching, is that yes, we have the modalities, we have the access, and we have the process, the framework, the approach to actually create something new and different that is long-term. And we do that through the repetition, by meeting with them one-on-one. By helping them and supporting them in between.
Like we’re holding the space, the container, they can come to the podcast, they can come to the More Than Mindset group, they can get the book. It’s like we’re so rich in support and I just wanted to get your feedback on that and see if you think that that’s maybe what’s making the difference in why your clients are able to break this so much faster.
Monique: Absolutely. I mean just the tools and the resources that we have available, the groups, the containers, the spaces that we speak from and teach from, on top of the one-on-one. Reach out to me when you need me. You know, I’m here for your support. And the individual sessions. You know, it makes such a huge difference. It really is, if people take advantage of the entire program, all the resources, all the tools, and they do the work and practice it.
Monique: Yeah, do the work daily, reach out when you need it, show up to your sessions, be vulnerable and honest, you will break through. I mean I have clients that have broke through some crazy amazing stories. I have people that put down things that they never thought that they could let go of. Just guilt, and shame, and judgment. The family, what it altered and the pain that it created. And then being able to release that and put that structure back together, there’s nothing like that, Kim.
Kim: I love that, how your business or your service evolved into the whole family. Like oh my god, that is breaking generational patterns. Like, if we’re talking about diet and weight loss it’s almost like having a dietitian in the house. And so it’s like you help steer everyone else to come in so that they can have his seamless relationship within that family. Like being able to heal generations that are within the home right now. That’s so powerful.
And that was kind of a surprise for you, but you see it as a mirror for yourself, yeah?
Monique: It was something, it was not intentional, it was not something I was out seeking to do. I just began to work with one family member and then they were like, “Hey, would you meet with my son?” Or “Would you meet with my husband?” Or “Would you meet with my wife?”
And it’s not group sessions, it’s not family therapy or anything like that. It’s coaching the individual person so that they get the clarity and confidence, and they get the love, and honor, and respect for themselves so they don’t mirror their trash on everybody around them.
And yeah, it’s very obvious in my own family because when I started shifting here, I noticed that my husband wasn’t quite as awful some days as I thought he was. Because it was me. And then I started working with my daughter a little bit and started reaching out to my mom a little bit. And they’ve got the information, now they’re digging in, and now they’re shifting things within them. And so now we have three generations that are alive in my family right now that are busting through some serious shit that we used to have and it’s lovely.
Kim: What I’m seeing too is you’re like this catalyst, this connector in the middle that rewriting even the language of communication within the unit. Because now they all have that same language or understanding, which is something that I’ve heard so often with the work that I do. Where they’re like, “I tried to read your book and I just don’t know what you’re talking about.” Right? I was like, “Well you kind of have to like fumble through the portal into this new perception.”
It’s the actual transmuting the shadow, which is that shame, the mask, the conditioning. We’re transmuting that into a gift through simple, practical, applicable approaches. And I think that’s it. What’s my new word? Simplicle, I think is how it came up. It’s like I said it so many times it kind of brought the word up into one word. But I do think that’s the difference because we’re teaching them how to do it in their daily life when it’s coming up.
So we’re like, “Listen, if stuff comes up in between don’t just go sit in a cave and chew on that. Send me a message, yeah, call me, at least write it down somewhere because that’s how navigate. That’s the third step. That’s how we’re changing the neural pathway, is by what I used to do is shut down. What I used to do is lash out. What I used to do is react. Or what I used to do is quit.
That’s not available here anymore and that’s what was the difference when you were having that itch. It was like, “No, no, no, no. No, nope, I’m still here. You can’t scare me. Like we’re going to work through this.”
Monique: The navigating, man, that’s the tough one, you know? People think the how is tough, you know. I get the question all the time, I get messages, “How do I do this? Is this true? Do you believe this?” And I’m like, “None of that matters guys, it’s now.” And we need to navigate here.” You know?
Kim: Yeah, because I tell you all that, I was like, “You’re probably going to work with clients for three months before they ever get present.” Because you’re trying to get the whole picture and give them the whole thing when you’re first starting but it’s all experiential, right? And then it’s like, “The P is the hardest part.” And then it’s like, “The U is the hardest part.”
And I’m like, “Oh no, you haven’t even seen the hardest part yet. Now we’re going to retrain your brain.” Like first we got to get present, we got to dig in and unravel, then we’re going to navigate. Well, the thing about navigating, that’s what needs to happen 30, 60, 90, 180 days, depending on how long, how strong, what your environment is, what you’re up against.
And I think now that we’ve been in this for a few years several of you are in the N part. And so your word for the year is pause, which is navigating from what you used to be. Which is go, force, push, get another certification, get another thing on the menu. Like it’s completely different, you’re like, “No, pause. I’ve got enough, I’ve got it all. Let’s just be here.”
Monique: Yeah, it was like the need to figure it out so that I could be satisfied. So that I could have freedom. So that I could live the experience that I wanted. And not understanding, again, that if I just exhaled for a moment and grounded back to reality and stopped believing that all of these things needed to be done, or were necessary, or that made me something different. You know, that was the idea that I had. “Well, if I had this certification then I could do this thing, and then I can touch this body part and then they’ll trust me more.” Right?
Kim: Yeah, I need more, I need more, I need more.
Monique: Not realizing that like the trust was from being honest and vulnerable and being a human being and coming out.
Kim: Yeah, and you touched on the part about satisfaction. You know, being satisfied, and that’s it for us for generators. And that’s how we know we’re aligned is when we’re satisfied. And, you know, you can tell just in the conversation you and I are having today, compared to our last podcast where we were speed talking like duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Right? Because there was still that massive amount of energy.
But now we’ve like really learned how to contain that, bring it in, satisfaction in the ease. Satisfaction in the ease. And that’s really the whole punch line approach, right? Living your life’s legacy as an integrated being in natural ease and flow. And so it’s like how does it feel in your body to be there and not be… Like to be satisfied? Was it hard for you to contain satisfaction?
Monique: It was super weird because I mean I remember reaching out to you for probably three or four weeks straight. And I was like, “I have this problem. I have this problem.” And I was just like dumping out nonsense and you would be like, “Really? Tell me all about it, download it.” And I’m like, “Kim.”
And you would just look at me on the computer screen and then all the sudden like I’d have this little a-ha, like this light bulb and I was like, “There’s no problem.” It’s just my brain creating a problem because I’ve been in survival my entire life, and it believes it needs to stay addicted to this emotional response in my body, this samskara. Like all of that stuff made sense in that moment and I was like, “Damn it, this is good.”
Kim: Just habit, like we want to change the whole habits and behaviors, that’s the neural pathways that we’re changing, that’s the work that’s so beautiful.
So, I wanted to speak to, like we’ both understand the frustration of not getting it. Knowing it, thinking we know it, that’s the thing I already know, I know, I know, I know. That’s what we say, which I say, every time you say “I know” you’re blocking what you don’t know. You’re blocking the reception of hearing something different.
So, what would you say to the clients? Like let’s just talk to the More Than Mindset group or to our personal Facebook pages where we’re talking and we hear these same comments of, “I know, but I don’t know why it’s not working for me. I don’t know why I’m not getting it. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I don’t know what I’m missing.”
Where could we tell them to start? Or what can you ease their nervous system or give them some sense of, “Okay, I’m willing to allow, or I’m willing to drop the defense, or quit looking and trying.”
Monique: It’s a tough question because you have all this information.
Kim: I know your pain point is here because it feels like leaving people behind. I mean we say it, and say it, and say it and then we just have to keep going, we can’t stay. And I know that’s painful for you, it’s painful for me. And so I want to give you the opportunity to speak to them with compassion, with gentleness, with, you know.
For me personally, not recognizing that the problem was the searching. Not recognizing my belief about it wasn’t available for me. Does that make sense?
Monique: Yeah, yeah.
Kim: I want to make sure I’m wording the question in way. Because I know this is a really, this is an intense part for you. You know, as being the caregiver, the people pleaser and then step into the role and have someone for six months, one year, two years. It’s so hard to watch because we understand it. We were them.
Monique: It is. And I believe that’s why I’m so passionate about what I do because I remember being in that space and I remember just thinking, “Why isn’t this working? Why doesn’t this modality work? Or why doesn’t this do…” And the time, and energy, and effort that I spend searching, and digging, and researching, and asking, “How? How? How?” I spent so much time in that spin, and then created more confusion from it because my brain was like, “Oh, surely there’s an answer out there. Surely somebody knows how to fix this. Or am I just that messed up I’m not fixable?”
I played in and out of this information for years, you know? I would get little bits that fed me just enough to move me to the next phase. I would say try to create a sense of grounding and stability and trust that you know what you know, what you need to do
Kim: That it’s not outside, that’s it’s not-
Monique: That it’s not outside, yeah. That it’s inside and when the person comes up that can help you, or hold the space with you, or the program is available, take a moment and just drop into the body and ask yourself like, “Is this for me?” It may not be, but it may be.
Kim: Yeah, I think the hardest part is at that point, when you’re kind of like at that rock bottom, you’re kind of tired of trying all the things, you’ve been screwed over by buying so much shit that didn’t work, that’s kind of when we get these clients.
Monique: That’s true, yeah.
Kim: I find that’s what comes anyway. It’s like they’ve already tried all the nonsense and I’m like, “I promise you this is it, but I get that your brain is like not another one, not again.” I don’t ever see myself not talking about this stuff. Like, until eternity.
And I think it’s the pain or the compassion, the empathy. Not sympathy because it used to be sympathy, but once we get to this point you realize that its’ not sympathy that’s going to serve, it’s actually the empathy and the compassion that’s going to serve and the willingness to not be attached if they can’t see it or believe it for themselves.
Monique: Right. It’s really about having the patience to allow them to be in their own space and their own experience. And then when they get the awareness, I make sure that I let them know that is where we’re supposed to be.
Monique: Like, I continue to reaffirm where they’re at because I know the timeline. I’ve been through it; I’ve actually walked the same steps in the punchline. Our stories are all a little bit different, but our stories are individual perceptions that we have in our own life.
And so the story is not what matters to me when I’m working with people. It’s the beliefs, and the perception, and the response that comes up in the nervous system that we really want to dial in and just have love with so that the survival method can come down and they can receive.
But you can’t receive when you’re in that survival mode. And so, so much goes into just creating the safety, and the comfort and the understanding around where their little brains are. And you know, when a six-year old’s brain has been impacted and traumatized a 40-year-old doesn’t necessarily understand why they’re irritated or triggered with certain things.
Kim: It’s so fascinating that you say that because I so often am like, “This is a four-year-old toddler brain, this is a six-year-old toddler brain.” I use four-year-old because to me that the one’s the one that’s more prominent with my clients.
And that’s so hard to understand. It’s like, no, these are trapped emotions from the four-year old’s experiences. And here’s the 40-year-old who’s supposed to be mature, who’s supposed to have their shit together and they’re kind of beating themselves up for not getting it, or “I’m stupid, I’m dumb, there must be something wrong with me.” Which is the story, that is the dialog, you know. So I love that you’re saying that.
So, we’re going to have to end this. As we’ve said before we plan to do many of these. We want to invite everyone to come to the More Than Mindset group, meet Monique. She does lots of appearances there, talks about this stuff.
Monique, let’s talk about who you’re serving before we hop off of here. So, I know you’re working with the individual, does it just so happen that families end up coming in? Or is it like your specialty, working with the family? It’s not, okay.
Monique: No, it just so happens. Like as I start working with someone and they realize what the beliefs are attached to and what else it’s impacting in their family. You know, it’s just like us when we start getting the transformation, we want everybody to get it. We want everybody to know how amazing it is. So they reach out and they say, “Hey.”
Kim: It must be really impactful though, for the family to come in because sometimes that’s the hardest one to get to. So I think there’s something to this. I’ve been watching you do this for over a year consistently. And so I was just curious if it was. So, you work with individuals who have chronic pain, is that typically the problem that they’re calling you about? Like what does it sound like? Who are your clients?
Monique: So, when they call, they’re not really sure, they’ve been in pain for a long time, they don’t know what else to do. They’ve tried all the things, they’ve done all the surgeries, all the medications, and they’re kind of just like, “I don’t know how to get rid of this issue.” And they believe it’s just this one problem that they have. You know, “I’m sad. I’m upset. I’m angry. My boyfriend blah, blah, blah.” Like there’s always an issue that they believe is the problem. And as we start pulling back the layers.
Kim: But your specialty –
Monique: And when I say pull back the layers, I mean that in a very soft manner. I don’t mean like going into trauma and pain and –
Kim: I just want to make sure that we’re clear on who you’re talking to. But, I mean, this came to you as a hairdresser, seeing the problems over and over and over. Then you became the massage therapist. And then as a massage therapist, as you started using those modalities.
And I’m the same way, it just so happened we both started as cosmetologists and kind of we just kept seeing the same thing over and over. We can say this work called us. And we would get the next certification to help them with the next thing. And then it’s like, “They’re still not getting it. What else? What else? What else?” And then poof, we’re finally here.
So, this did not just start a year or two guys, like this has been like a decade of seeing it and solving it, seeing it and solving it. Just always solving the next problem consistently. And it just so happened we met on this timeline. You know, for us to be doing this work together, which I am so grateful for. I love that you’re part of the team and that you’re helping taking this work out there. I feel like really honored that it’s an extension of this work and you’re doing such amazing things, especially for healing the generational patterns. That is so intense.
And so they may not recognize that the problem is chronic pain or they do recognize it as chronic pain? Because they’re coming to you as kind of the massage therapist.
Monique: Well, it’s both. Some people are like, “I’ve had this frozen shoulder for X amount of time. Or I’ve had this hip thing for blah, blah, blah.” And some people are like, “I just don’t like life. I just don’t like what’s going on. I’m just hating everything.” And as we unveil, we see what’s actually going on.
Kim: So they’re hearing your story where you didn’t like life. Where you were trying to figure it out.
Kim: Where you had turned to drugs and then away from the drugs. They’re hearing that.
Okay. So, that’s really what I wanted to get clear on, is who you’re talking to. We will put Monique’s information in the show notes. I want to thank you for coming on. You guys, if you have questions reach out to Monique, or send an email, or come to the More Than Mindset group. Let us know what else you want us to talk about.
We are happy to come on and do a live and answer your questions. So just know that that is an option for those of you who have been sitting in this for years and you’re afraid to jump in, to commit, to dive in because you don’t know what it’s going to look like.
We want to offer you that opportunity to come in and kind of get a taste of what we’re saying. Because we get it, we get it. We had a lot of doubts too and we were highly invested in a bunch of crap that didn’t work, or crap that gave us little bites, little snacks. And it’s scary to do it one more time. You know, one more time. So we have empathy, compassion, and so much love for you because our mission is to help other people overcome it because we know what it feels like to be in it.
Monique: Thanks for having me Kim.
Kim: Is there anything you wanted to add that I didn’t ask you?
Monique: It was rough, but I’m so grateful and I’ve created so much space in my life now because of this. And just gratitude, you know, on all levels. So thanks ma’am, appreciate you.
Kim: All right. All right guys, until next week.
Thanks for listening to this episode of more than mindset.
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