Ep #248: Cracking the Coaching Conundrum

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

Ep #248: Cracking the Coaching Conundrum

Welcome to More Than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey there, and welcome back to the show. So, I had a special episode ready for you today and then figured out that my mic was not on, so it sounds very echoey. I had to ditch that one and do another one, and this was kind of on the front of my mind, so I’m going to go with it.

First of all, you have to know what a coach is and what a conundrum is, right? In order for this one to make sense. So, I have been coaching since 2012. I started off as a health coach. I am also certified as a life coach and a business coach, and the best coaching that I do, the most powerful coaching that I do, is coaching the subconscious. And that is what I’m going to talk about today. But first, what is a conundrum?

It’s like a mystery; it’s like an angst. Let me see if I can find the dictionary. Confusing or difficult problem or question or a riddle, often depending on a pun or any perplexing question or thing. So, I’m gonna talk about the coaching conundrum because this is a real thing. I just finished a session where we released 54 years of unresolved trauma in just one session. And the question I get the most about coaching, especially from those who are coming from a mindset world, is, “Why doesn’t it stick? Why doesn’t it work? Why don’t they change habits and behavior?”

I coach them, I swear. It’s like they don’t want to change. They don’t want to do better. These are the things that I hear. And I’m like, “Guys, everyone wants to do better. Everyone wants to heal this old stuff. They don’t want to keep doing the same old thing that isn’t getting them the results that they want.” Like, I truly believe people really do want to change, but they don’t know how.

And one of the biggest problems is the coach isn’t adequately trained to teach them how. And the way that I know this is because they don’t have it understood themselves. So, and I’m not saying that all coaches are underqualified or their skill set is not good or their training is not good. I’m talking about when we are talking about healing unresolved trauma, decades, centuries of beliefs. Like, guys, this stuff is so deep. It’s imprinted in the body. It’s imprinted in their understanding, and it is the environment that they have been in for 30, 40, 50, 60 years.

It’s not that they don’t want change. They don’t know how to change because they can’t even see what the problem is. And unless we help them resolve the root issue, that’s the issue beneath the issue, beneath the issue that is going beyond the mind, what we consciously know we can talk about. We can talk about those thoughts. We can talk about how we talk negatively to ourselves and how our mind presents a lot of thoughts that are not true. And we try to make up for it. We try to change the thought. That’s not going to help heal the unresolved trauma. This stuff goes deeper.

So, you who are listening are probably already coaches or you have been coached. You’re either a client or a coach. And the reason that I am so passionate about this is because I was stuck, and I was frustrated for over 20 years. You may have heard me tell the story about, like, I was yelling at Louise Hay, who was telling me to change my thoughts. And I was like, “It doesn’t work. It does not work.” And I made a Commandment that if ever I figured it out, I was going to teach it so that other people understood it.

Now listen, nothing wrong with mindset. It’s a very valuable skill set. We all could do better by thinking better. Legit, I have a lot of negative thoughts that go through my mind. I have to clean it up all day long, and sometimes it slips out. I don’t even catch it. But what I’m talking about with the coaching conundrum is way deeper than conscious thoughts. Generations, sometimes lifetimes before, like grandparents, great grandparents, our mothers, our neighbors, things that we were told when our mind was very open and vulnerable we latched onto as truth sometimes.

So, that’s just like our psyche, our understanding, but sometimes it’s experiences that we don’t even recall making agreements with. Like, something happened at a young age, and we were trying to avoid being afraid. We wanted to feel safe, and we didn’t know how to process the fear or whatever the experience was going on at the time. And because we didn’t have the tools, because we couldn’t access or process the emotion all the way through, so we couldn’t close the cycle, it actually just became a part of our understanding. But it’s misinformation, and we spend a lifetime with this pent-up fear, these imprinted experiences that weren’t processed all the way through that get triggered.

So, there is a lot going on in the body, and mindset only talks about your thoughts. Mindset is about changing the way you think. Mindset is about changing the words that you say. It is about telling a new narrative and a new story, and I’m all for that. I truly am. I believe mindset completely changed my life, but it didn’t help me heal on a cellular level. I just saw I became aware that I had negative thoughts. I became aware that I had negative beliefs, and I became aware that I had imprints or, I call them, emotional signatures in the body that were being triggered by current experiences. I was aware of all of that, but it didn’t heal the unresolved trauma. I had to go through two steps that are not addressed in changing your thoughts.

I had to understand what was happening on an unconscious level. I had to unravel, unpack, like, release the layers so that I could fully understand where that belief came from or what that belief was before I could actually change it. The problem is not the conscious thought, the thought that you keep saying, that you’re saying about yourself. Like, I hear all of you. I coach so many clients and very, very many coaches, and I hear them using coach lingo. I hear them saying the words “impostor syndrome,” being mean to myself, not feeling confident. Like, I hear all the coach talk, but that is coming from the mind. It’s coming from the words. It’s not coming from an understanding.

You have to understand before you can change, before you can pivot, before you can come up with a new thought. It’s just how it works. What you’re dealing with is Mind-Body disconnection—thoughts and then a body that has been tossed aside, that has been ignored, discomfort that has been closed and tucked away. We don’t want anyone to know about that. We were told not to express that. We were told not to talk about that. Forget that, let it die, let’s bury that. That’s not going to help you. You shouldn’t be expressing all of this. Pretend like it did not happen. Change the way you think about it and move on. That is what we were taught as children, and this is what we are taught in the coaching community,in the mindset coaching community.

And because I am more than a coach—I work as a Healer, as a practitioner, as a massage therapist, as a yoga teacher, as a hypnotherapist—I work on Multi levels, and I’m telling you that changing your thoughts will not heal your unresolved trauma. Burying it deep inside, putting it below six feet under, shoveling dirt on top, pretending like you’re someone else is not going to work. Feelings buried alive never die. And if you do not understand the belief, you’re not going to understand how to change it.

And you keep changing the thoughts. Guys, it’s so painful to watch this happen day after day after day. I have been coaching since 2012, and I’ve been doing coach training for about 7 years now. So, I have lots of people who come through my world as coaches, trained as coaches. Some are brand new; some have been through tons of other certifications, especially in the healing modalities because we have been searching and seeking for so long. And listen, I’m here to tell you it is totally possible to self-heal.

We don’t need healers. We don’t need anyone to heal us. We need guides, we need coaches and mentors, we need support systems so that we can access what’s going on in the subconscious so that we can integrate it. We have to integrate it. You can’t ignore it; you can’t cut it away; you can’t throw it; you can’t pretend like it’s not there. You have to actually—and I want to catch myself saying this right now—you have to actually re-experience it without re-experiencing it. You don’t have to go into the past; you don’t have to ever tell the story again. We have to process what is coming up in a way that makes sense to you now.

And sorry, you can’t do it by yourself. It doesn’t work that way. There is a lot of resistance going on between the mind and this sensation that’s going on in the body. And then you go into, like, a mental freeze. You can’t access the frontal cortex. You can’t solve your own problems when you’re having nervous system disregulation. It doesn’t work that way. So, coaching conundrum is believing that you can change your thoughts and it will change your world or your life or it will heal your trauma.

The other part of this, it’s even in a healing conundrum. You can go to process after process; you can do every healing modality on the planet. And until you understand it and you integrate it and then you navigate and move through a new habit and behavior to change the neuropathways and you’re not embodying the new identity. So, these are the two missing pieces, but they’re almost four pieces because there’s two things that happen in each.

So, first, you recognize, “I’m having crappy thoughts. I’m believing things that aren’t true, that are negative, that are working against me.” And in the mindset world, the coaching world, they tell you not to think that, just quit thinking that, go think something else, and act like that’s not ever happened. Okay, that’s the issue, that’s the conundrum, that there’s two steps in between. This is what we resolve in Self-Healing Masters in advanced coach training. This is what I do with my private clients. It is different than just mindset coaching.

The conundrum is, or the disagreement or the mystery is misinformation and not understanding what’s really happening between your mind, your brain, your body, energy, emotions. Like, there’s a lot going on. And in the integrative Mind-Body coaching, we take a 360 view. We’re looking at all components, where you came from, what kind of household did you grow up in, what was the conversation at the dinner table. That tells all, right? All of the stories about your environment, the patterns, the things that happened before you came along for Generations before. All of this stuff is affecting you on a cellular level. And if you want to top it over with human design or astrology or all the other things, it’s like the actual characteristics of these influences that are in the body. So, it’s like literally when you take this 360 view, there’s so many parts of you that have been affected.

And so when you are coming at it from just the mind or just from thoughts, it’s a teeny tiny part of it, a tiny, tiny part of it. So, I spend all of my days helping people integrate, taking what they know about mindset, what they know about healing modalities, bringing them together and having it make sense for themselves and their clients. And we have a lot of coaches who think they know what they’re doing that don’t know what they’re doing. And yes, I’m calling you out. Get yourself educated.

And I’m not just talking about a little trauma certification. I’m talking about truly understand what is going on between the mind and the body, between the soul and your being, between the environment and the patterns and the behavior. There’s a lot of pieces to bring in and have this 360 View. And I already see you guys. You take training after training after training of the same darn thing, but it’s not getting to the integration and embodiment piece. And until you understand it, you’re not going to be able to take your clients through it. We cannot give someone what we don’t have. It doesn’t work that way.

You’re not going to be able to hold the empathy and the compassion and a clean neutral space because your trauma is being triggered in it. And then you’re coming from a head space instead of allowing them to heal themselves. You can’t tell them where to go; you can’t push them into getting where you think they can go. It is about experiencing it, and they get to lead their own healing. But you have to first understand how to access this for yourself.

So, that is the coaching conundrum, that it’s a teeny, teeny tiny bit that is being utilized—either it’s just thought work, or it’s just energy work, or it is just emotional processing, or it is just body work, or it is just spiritual work. And those pieces need to be all brought together so that you have the understanding, so you release the misinformation or pivot from, “Oh, I thought it was just changing your thoughts,” or, “I thought it was just—some of you are going into past life regression, you’re going into hypnotherapy all the way down into the abyss and bringing up all this old past stuff.” That is not what I’m talking about right here in the here and now.

Like, I actually created a process that is conversational hypnosis, happens right here in real time, and we can knock out decades, centuries when we’re doing group, we can knock out centuries of unresolved trauma responsibly. And that’s a key word—responsibly—because you have done your own work. And we see way too much coming from one little teeny tiny piece and then putting that on top of everything and trying to make this cookie-cutter process from just mindset or from just energy work or it’s the whole enchilada, guys. It’s the whole enchilada.

The whole process involves addressing the parts of you that have been wounded and the parts of you that are yearning for more. It’s about accessing all of it—there are numerous limiting beliefs locked in the cells of your body and embedded in your mind. So much misinformation circulates, and I’m uncertain whether it has improved or worsened with the internet. Regardless, there’s an overwhelming amount of information. Moreover, our environments are often limited, shaped by small experiences from our upbringing that we mistakenly believe define life. However, life is truly about expansion.

Unfortunately, societal teachings, particularly from religious perspectives, discourage this expansion. Messages like “don’t have an empty mind; the devil might get in there” constrain our thinking. So, no matter where we turn, we encounter these limiting beliefs. Even when seeking medical assistance for physical symptoms, the doctor’s office becomes a breeding ground for more layered beliefs. For instance, if diagnosed, it’s often framed as a lifelong condition, especially if it runs in the family.

These limiting beliefs pervade every aspect of our lives, including myself. That’s the insight I’m sharing this week. I apologize for the failed interview; we will reschedule it. The coaches in my team are accomplishing remarkable things, and their qualifications stem from actively engaging in this transformative work. We recently conducted additional processing, emphasizing the importance of ongoing personal development.

If you’re intrigued by the integration of emotional processing, nervous system regulation, subconscious work, and energy work to augment your existing training, explore the Integrative Mindbody Coach Training. Visit my social media for a link or book a consult to discuss where you are and where your clients face challenges. Let’s open up pathways to help them heal on a deeper level; we all deserve that. None of us want to be shackled by limitations in our bodies. I’m witnessing a shift, especially in the younger generation, who seem less burdened by these constraints.

If this resonates with you or someone you know struggling with mindset issues, please share, rate, and review the podcast to reach more people. Wishing you an amazing week ahead!

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.