Ep #10: Creating the Movement of Change

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Hey folks. How you doing? We are in April and let me tell you, the weather is gorgeous and I’m also in – so April is kind of like this celebratory month for me. It’s my wedding anniversary month, so I married into this family 30 years ago. Actually, it was like in October that I became part of their life and then we legally, we became legal property in April 28 years ago.

That’s insane. That’s like a whole lifetime. I really have to sit and wrap my brain around that. Something I’ve been accused of is like, I’ve been called wishy-washy or I change a lot or we never know what to expect from you because you’re always different. I’ve kind of been accused of that forever.

Back in high school I remember one of my friend’s mom were like, I was like crazy Kim because I was always doing something crazy and different and out the box. And I used to think there was something wrong with that. Just so you know, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I’m actually very proud of shifting and changing and I love what has become.

Not just how I’ve become but how my life has transformed and become. And so I don’t think change is a terrible thing, and that’s exactly what I want to talk about today. So think about this; so I said I married into this family 30 years ago. Like, I adopted into here. So I have a total of five kids. I was 20 years old.

Now, I wasn’t raised, like I didn’t have a mom and a dad and a family. I didn’t know what that was even about, to be part of a family – what do I want to call it? Like a systematic family unit, the traditional family. I had no idea. And I move into this totally different arena of a mom and a dad and kids and I had to figure all of this out. There was no toolbox to pull from.

And I remember looking outside and I tried counseling and spiritual direction and I read books and I looked for people who were married. And I was like, show me how, tell me how. I remember every time something would come up, this new challenge, we had to figure it out. And we didn’t have much money, so that was a whole ‘nother thing.

And then we had his, mine, ours, all of this stuff, so that was a whole ‘nother thing. We’re dealing with children who were abandoned, also dealing with spouses that were abandoned and like me myself, abandoned by a parent. And just the dynamics of all of that when I think about it today, I’m like, we’re like rock stars. 30 years. 28 years that it’s been legal in the month of April.

I just want to sit in the – my word this week or this month has been like, I’m just in this creamy indulgence in the essence of presence. Creamy indulgence of the essence of presence. It’s so sweet. It’s like remember the bubblegum that when you would bite into it, it had this liquid in the middle of it? That’s how my heart feels right now. It’s just so gooey and soft and everything is flowing and it’s easeful and it feels free, and it’s interesting. I’m very inquisitive.

And looking at anniversaries and times to reflect and look back, but more than that, it’s looking back at how many years and so to take it back to people saying that I like change and I’m inconsistent and flippy-floppy, I’m like, I don’t know, I think I can prove otherwise. How many of you have done the same thing for 30 years? How many of you have been in business for 24 years?

Talking to the ones who are having issues that I change the furniture, I change the classes, or I change the business, like, this is how important it is to really recognize your thoughts. That’s their thoughts. It is not a fact. If that were true, how would I still be in the same household with the same family in the same business for 24 to 30 years? My mind is blown.

I just want to say that. Be very careful and question everything, especially what other people tell you and exclusively – inclusively what you tell yourself because I believed them. I really spent time kind of like, trying to problem solve how I could not be different or how I could be more consistent, but the proof is that I am consistent so I can let all that go.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that. So what we’re going to talk about specifically today is creating the movement of change. And not just the creating the movement of change but accepting the movement of change and allowing the movement of change. Because really think about this. I am an entrepreneur and I speak, trade, and teach entrepreneurs, so when I say we, I’m speaking to us.

We are the movement of change. We are the creators, we are the ones that seek transformation and that want to have something yummy and delicious and passionate to offer and we want to create and that’s just how we’re made. That’s just how we flow.

But whenever we run up against habits and conditions and the way things were in our environment, makes it kind of challenging to create movement, especially to be on the frontline, that’s where I consider entrepreneurs is like, we’re right up there in that boot camp section where we have to come fully equipped and we’ve got to be ready to – we have to have this, I don’t want to use the word persistence, but it is persistence.

But it’s not like a force. It’s just a consistency. The persistence is in the belief so that you keep taking the action moving forward. We have to be equipped with that. The other thing is the movement of change is we are not the same people that we were 30 years ago. I am not the 19-year-old who has no experience in family dynamics, who has no experience in parenting or being the child or being the parent.

I am not the 19-year-old who didn’t know what was her next step. I know exactly where I’m going, I know exactly what I’m creating, I know exactly what the next step is, and I come with so much information from the experience that I actually walked through. The other thing is allowing the movement of change, and that is just understanding that change is the only thing that is consistent in life.

It is the only thing you can bet on and count on. The only thing is that change will persist. You cut the grass; it will continue to grow. It rains, it will stop. The sun will come out tomorrow. The sun will go down tonight. It is always changing. Our currency changes when we go to different countries, our mindset changes when we get around different people, when we’re exposed to different concepts.

The amount of money that we want to make every month changes according to not just the industry or what’s happening in the economy, but it also changes according to new things that we want to do or things that we no longer need to do. Like for example, having five kids or having kids in private school and then they graduate and that frees up money, then maybe you have to save money for college.

There’s a time when you pay insurance on maybe three to five children who are driving, and that’s a big deal, especially here in Evangeline Parish. This is thousands of dollars. And then suddenly they’re gone, they’re paying their own insurance. So it’s a constant change and fluctuation. So our money, our mindset, our belief systems, all that is all change.

So when we’re talking about the movement of change, it’s how do we want to move through it, or how do we want to create the movement of what is changing. My mind is like, blown with this. I have to really stop and step into it and take a breather. So a couple of questions that I have for you because I want to like, really stay present with you as I weave in and out of a couple of different concepts here.

Like, something that’s been coming into my heart is who are you when you aren’t being who you were? Who was I when I stepped into being the 26-year-old parent with five children? Who am I now that I step into the adult who has adult children? Who am I now that I step into the life of having these independent children and now a grandmother? Who am I when I started my business, who was I when I started my business as a solo owner?

I just opened the business and I offered a service, compared to who am I now that owns a business that other people are managing. We get caught up in who are we and we want to describe or explain ourselves according to what we were and we’re no longer that anymore, and it’s kind of weird. It’s kind of a weird shift to sit with.

So I want to not be in a hurry to get out of this because it can feel rather lost. Like there’s a moment where it’s trying to shift and there’s so many parts of us that’s trying to acclimate to the change. So the mind knows, the eyes see, you hear it in your surrounding, but then there’s parts of the chest or the belly where you can kind of feel this wobble, I call it. It’s kind of like when a fawn is born and it’s trying to get up and walk.

There’s that physical part of us that’s trying to acclimate, it’s trying to settle like wow, here’s change, this is different. My thoughts are different, what I see is different, what I hear is different, how I talk is different, but I don’t quite own all of it. I own pieces of it or it’s like a glove that’s not quite so tight. Or I’ve been using the example of like, a taco or a burrito and the stuffing is still falling out because it’s not tightly wrapped.

That new person that you have become, who you are now, it’s not 100% sure. An example of this is even like, who were you when your relationship changes? So when your partner decides they want something different, or when you experience say, a death in the family or there’s suddenly one person missing from the norm, or just changes their mind.

Like yeah, this is what I wanted when I was 15, when I committed to you and married when I was 20 and this is what I was but now that I’m 40 or 50, I realize I’ve been doing things that I really don’t like or really don’t want to do and who are you then? Who are you then when the partner decides to change or when you’re the one who changes?

This goes back to my theory – I’m going to get a little off track here, just for a second. This is like my theory about just to keep the date the same, I think we should all do it on Valentine’s Day because anniversaries change. So we want to keep it consistent in case you marry someone else. But say every year, February 14th, you do an assessment in your relationship.

Have a conversation, just like you would in corporate America, like hey, it’s time for our annual assessment, let’s see how did you do last year, what can be improved, what can be changed, what do we need to celebrate. Let’s sit down and do an assessment and see where we want to go from here. How do we want to grow forward? Do you want to continue being part of the team? Did you do so well that we want to compensate you for it, for what you’ve given back to the company?

And maybe there’s a bonus, maybe there’s a manager position coming up and you can upgrade your positioning. Whatever it is, but just think about if we did that in our relationship. Like hey hon, tomorrow’s our annual review, let’s have a conversation and see if we’re still on track. Do we still want the same things or is this still working for you? How have you grown? What’s changed since your mother died or since we lost one of the children or since we had a baby? How’s it going now that we’ve had our first year with you retired?

The willingness to openly have that conversation and communication I think is like, not even 50%. Because not everyone really wants to find out because there’s so much fear and so much doubt. But what if we all were vulnerable and willing and open to have that honest conversation? How could things change?

My god, can you see and feel how wonderful those relationships could be? When there were no fear and it was just done with love, non-judgment, conversation, intimacy, and openness? Like hey, let’s just be honest here. Wow.

And the other thing, example I have for you is let’s talk about money. If we were not to go with the movement of change or allow it or accept it or create this new movement, then what would happen? Could you live off of the same income that you were living on 20 years ago? As the economy fluctuates, as things shift and change and happen or as you’ve gotten promotions and now maybe you’re making $3000 more a month than you used to or maybe you’re an entrepreneur now and you’re not working for anyone else and maybe you’re working less.

Whatever that looks like, when the perception hasn’t caught up, you could find yourself still living on that first salary and selling for that and not even realizing that the rest of the world is living on five times that much. It’s really kind of weird. Perception is a cool thing. It’s like I have been diving into it on so many levels and I’m blowing my own mind.

Are you willing, number one, to accept the movement of change? To allow the movement of change? And are you creating a movement of change? I’m 50 this year and I’m like, I couldn’t wait to turn 50 years old. I don’t know exactly what was the difference but number one, I turned 50. My family anniversary was the very next month, like 30 years, and then my business, I’ve been in business for myself, working for myself since I’ve gotten out of school, it’s like 24 years.

And so many things that – what do you call that when it’s like, the numbers? Like whenever the container changes. It’s like you’re just flipping a new number. But it was a big deal because I also turned 50. And so I was like, okay the kids are all grown, we have nine grandbabies, the business is different, most of my business is online now instead of being the person who’s offering the service. I’m now coaching, leading, and teaching the people who are offering the service.

All of that has changed and shifted. The money has also shifted. My husband, we’re retiring him this year and that’s going to make things look different so the last three years we’ve made the adjustments and the changes moving into that so that we’d be prepared. So if my perception wasn’t shifting, allowing, accepting, and creating, then I could be a deer in headlight. What just happened?

So awareness and presence buys into all of this. Having to notice and being willing to see and it’s not so much accepting it in a way that like, it’s about things so you need to just accept it and go on. It’s truly accepting that change is inevitable, it will continue to happen.

So what happens when you want more? What happens when you want more and your perception hasn’t changed or you haven’t acclimated or you’re not willing to move and integrate and change things? Because it starts with a ping, like just a little ping. It’s almost like an oven timer or a microwave timer.

Time for more. That’s how subtle it is. And then suddenly you maybe meet up with someone and you see they’re doing more or you see someone’s offering more and then ding, it kind of grows and you’ll feel it maybe in your belly, maybe in your gut, maybe in your heart. Those are little feeling centers and it’s just like saying more, more. It starts off, and then here it comes, the old perceptions, the habits, the conditioning, the way it was and it’s like you can’t have that, you can’t do that, who said you can do that? That’s not safe.

And I want to offer you to really sit with those comments, those thoughts, and ask, is it true? Is it true that I can’t be an independent, free, courageous, amazing woman at 50-years-old because I’m 50-years-old? Because I was home and had five kids that I still have to live as if I were home and had five kids? It’s not the same. It’s totally different.

I have to really sit and question that. You guys, you know that every day between three and 3:30, my husband worked shift work for a while but then whenever he moved to different shifts, he was home at three o clock, 3:15 on the nose like, every single day. And my kids would get off the bus or I would pick them up at school, same thing, between three o clock and 3:30 every single day.

So it’s like, after like 25 years, you’re kind of scarred with this. It’s created this neuro pathway. It’s kind of like the ding. My brain still looks at the clock. I know my body can feel it. It’s like three o clock, got to get home. And I’m like, no I don’t, why do I have to get home? It’s so weird. It’s like all of me, all parts of me haven’t acclimated to this new schedule, this new way yet.

And what’s really weird about that is my son, my youngest one is 24 so it’s been a while since he moved out. My kids have not come home at three o clock in a lot of years. And even when my husband comes home at three o clock, I’m not required to be here, but that neuro pathway says hey, it’s three o clock, it’s 3:30, it’s time to check in.

So that’s so interesting. So it starts with a ping and then you unveil the story, get into presence, ask is it true, and then you begin to entertain the concept that it could be different. Just entertain like now I’m curious. If I don’t have to be home at 3:15, what could I be doing? What do I want to be doing? And I start to think about it. Then I start to talk about it.

I start saying it. Then you may try to do it and here comes the frustration. You think that society and the world and the conditioning and all that stuff is the reason why you can’t do it but I swear to you, it’s just a thought. It’s just a thought in your head. So when you’re frustrated, you try to change the environments.

Like oh, if only they did this then I could do that, if only he saw that then I could do that. That’s the conversation that’s had, but I want to challenge you to that. You don’t have to change the circumstance, you don’t have to change the actions. You truly just need to change the thought and be willing to be present and unlayer, is it true?

And it may take a while, you may have to do this for years, you may have to do it for weeks, it may take minutes. It just kind of depends on your journey. What’s going to happen is it becomes this little wave because I’ll coach clients through here and I’ll stop them. Let’s just sit here for a moment and let’s visit that part of you.

And I was like, what do you feel? And almost every single time it feels like this wavy moment, like right below the heart, right above the belly. It’s like this little – almost like you would see a little ghost moving, how they’re wavy on the outside. It’s like trying to feel its way into settling in, that part that’s like, you got to be cautious, you got to be careful, it can’t be that way, you can’t do that, that old story that’s coming from your head is creating that feeling.

It’s a feeling of uncertainty, of being unfamiliar, unsure, unclear, maybe a little risqué, a little scary. That’s that waving, and if you just stay with it, so if you can imagine this happening in your body right now, I can walk you through it. Just imagine like you’re just writing how does it feel. It’s a little pounding, it’s a little blurry, it feels kind of strong. Just describing it, and then take a couple of breaths and recognize that it’s only a sensation or a vibration that’s coming from a thought.

And the thought is I can’t be different, that can’t be different, change is scary, I don’t know if I can trust it, I don’t know if I’ll be safe, I shouldn’t do that, that’s not how it has been in the past, that’s not how it was, that’s not how we do things, that’s not how we did things. Just be very present with it.

Because what happens, if you don’t stop and really question it and pay attention to it, then you’ll just go right into proving that it’s not possible because the brain thinks that you will become it. So that’s how we process emotion and notice what’s the thing that stops us. Once we put in that thought like hey, I want more, and then you keep trying and you don’t realize why you’re not getting more, that is what’s happening in the middle of it. That’s what’s happening on the inside.

And what most people will do is they will throw in the towel rather than staying the course, rather than figuring it out and receiving the transformation, they will go back to the habitual mambo-jumbo, the everyday stuff, the old conditioning, the patterning, the generational way that things were done in the past. Go right back to staying the old course, being on the old bridge because it’s comfortable, it’s familiar, and it feels safe.

But what I want to challenge you to, what are you wiling to give up? What are you willing to pay? What are the consequences that you want in your life? What do you want that to look like that’s willing just to feel safe? Because it doesn’t mean you’re safe. It actually means you’re unsatisfied, you’re unfulfilled. You’re just afraid and you’re having fear and doubt.

So really look at what are you giving up in order to stay familiar and comfortable and so says safe. That’s just your brain’s story, by the way, staying safe. I don’t even know how many times I tried and failed at this. That’s why I’m so familiar with this patterning and how it works and I finally went all the way through.

I was willing to go through the change and transformation long enough, far enough to actually get to the other side, to actually experience it. I see this a lot with my entrepreneurs versus amateurs. So the entrepreneur is the one with the creative – wanting that movement of change, wanting to create and bring things forward that are new and dynamic, and the amateur is the one that’s watching the entrepreneur and thinking they can just follow and do it. Like, give my the one, two, three, I can do that, anybody can do that.

And they just put some money in and they do it and they try it, but they’re not doing the work, they’re not doing the transformation. They’re not doing the part that I just described. So if you find yourself – like if you’re a massage therapist in the business and you went to school and they told you you were going to make so much money and you watched someone else do it and you’re not doing it, just know that it’s about the movement of change that’s being called into your own life.

Same thing if you’re a therapist or a yoga teacher, fitness trainer. I train health and wellness leaders, so they’re always the ones I’m thinking of because we guys who do this, we are the change that they are looking for. So we have to become it. We have to have the experience imprinted in our own life for us to show up and be the example for them to see it.

So the way to grow a business is to grow the owner. The business owner. It is the work. This is the work. You don’t want to skip this part and think that you can walk into instant success. It doesn’t work that way. The transformation, the success is the byproduct of the transformation, of the work, of the becoming that you are experiencing for yourself and then taking that forward.

It’s like confidence versus self-confidence. Kind of the same thing. It’s like, you see someone else does it, it’s like that’s so possible, I have confidence that I can do it, but then the difference between that and self-confidence is you believe it so that you take the actions and then you become it and it’s coming from within yourself and you know without a shadow of a doubt, without the proof, that it is within yourself.

It’s like all of this stuff shifts. You have to have time for the belief to settle on all layers. You have to think it. You have to feel it, and that’s when that wobble comes in. That little wobbliness that’s the fawn that’s trying to stand up and walk. You have this happening inside of yourself, like your container, your body is preparing to hold the new you.

And then you become stronger, and then your results come as the byproduct. Not the results are the motivator. So don’t look at the results of what someone else has and let that be your motivation. The results are just the byproduct. The belief is so strong that you continue taking the aligned action for your belief. Not someone else’s, not how you think it should look, but for yours.

And then the results are what you desire. And so this, I want to wrap it up with creating the movement of change is what do you want more of, what is your life calling forward? And then the accepting the movement of change is just accepting that change is inevitable. I was not the same person I was 30 years ago, nor do I want to be, nor am I sad about who I was.

It’s all perfect. My husband told me, I don’t know who you are from day to day, you’re not the person I married. He says you know exactly who I am, I am the same exact person, and I’m like, I don’t know that we should be bragging about that. I don’t know that we want to be the same exact person, right? And he’s like, I like me, I’m good, and I’m like, I like change and I’m good.

Being able to speak about that, talk about that, and being okay with it. Because if I try to create movement of change in him and it’s not what he desires more of, then what’s going to happen? And if he tries to stifle and stop me from it, then what’s going to happen? So it’s like hey, let’s have that conversation, let’s reassess this, let’s think about it.

Am I the same person as I was last year in my business? Do I want to keep showing up that way? Or do I want to show up differently? Same thing with your relationships. Same thing with your money. Is this amount of money that I made in 1998 going to be enough according to what I want in 2019?

That’s a super powerful question, right? And then the allowing the movement of change, and that’s allowing the aging process, allowing natural transitioning, allowing that life is always changing. If you plant – I’m looking at a crepe myrtle outside – if you plant a crepe myrtle, it is naturally going to be in the movement of change. It’s naturally going to grow.

I can keep trimming it back and it’ll get thicker and stronger and then it’ll get wider and bigger, but it’s like it’s still going to be this constant movement of change. Can you allow, accept, and still give yourself permission to continue to create if you want to?

You can also just create this environment of things being the same. You have free will. You can choose that, you can desire that. And then you can assess and think about it, but when you feel the ping and you start to entertain the idea and then you start to speak about it, just know that there is a process to actually getting to it.

Alright, I hope that made sense. I’m going to talk a little bit more about this moving forward so I’m super excited about the next episode, the next show, and we’re going to dial in a little bit deeper. So let me know, give me some feedback. I’m happy to go and read any comments and see who’s following along. Alright guys, have a great week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.