Ep #29: Diving into Feeling

One difficulty we run into in our practice is not acknowledging that we have problematic thoughts, and this shows up when we are stumped why our projects and businesses fail to take off like we want them to.

This problem is rooted in an emotional response that is limiting for us and doesn’t let us move past the disbelief we have in ourselves. Because we cannot use our feelings to respond correctly, we can’t even see the thoughts.

This week, we are continuing to move beyond mindset and start to gain control of our emotional responses. By learning how to take command over your feelings, you can uproot and shift your beliefs to be more productive and happier in your life.

Listen in as we talk through how our emotional responses that can transform our thoughts and beliefs so we can get out of this ‘failure to launch’ stage of our lives.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why our great ideas are being held back by a limited ability to understand our thoughts.
  • How our thoughts change the sensations and emotional response we have to the world.
  • Ways we can gain control over our feelings about our thoughts.
  • How to change your beliefs to integrate your feelings to align with your whole body.
  • The importance of identifying what emotions you are feeling so you can understand the thoughts you’re having.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners, the only podcast that can help YOU help more people, create a greater impact, and make more money in the health and wellness industry. Join Master Clarity and Confidence Coach, Kim Guillory, as she teaches you how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started…

Hey, guys. I am going to jump right in today. So, I am in the middle of doing a couple of masterclasses called More Than Mindset and we’re at the tail end of our first class in the new membership site, which is called Belief Boot Camp. So they very much have the same content, which is, if you truly want new and different results, you have to go beyond just thinking.

So we can think all these positive thoughts and not get the results that we want. So I call this, like, those who are in health and wellness, that you’ve had this, like, failure to launch in your business. And you’re like, “I’m thinking all of the positive things. I’m buying all of the programs. I’m buying all this coaching and I’m not getting it. I don’t understand what’s not changing. My clients are not getting the breakthroughs that they want and I’m not creating the client flow that I want or the money. And it’s like my business is just failing to get off the ground and failing to get the breakthrough.” So I like to call it the failure to launch.

And so it’s really important to me because, you know, I actually have a coach training as well as this membership which is for individuals who want to take this work deeper and apply it in their life in an actionable way; not just listen to it. Like on the podcast, you can listen to it, you can hear about the concepts, you can hear some stories and how it’s worked in my own life and I’ll give you some examples, but you’re not actually getting the step by step guide on how to do it in your own life. And we’re doing this with the Belief Boot Camp in the membership site.

So I do live calls and they actually get coaching and then I do follow-up. And so we’re processing through the entire step by step process. And what I’m noticing with my clients in the coach training as well as my clients in the membership site is the same problem. And that is, they believe their thought.

So they don’t see the problem thought and they believe, just by changing the thought, that they’re going to get different results, they’re going to create a new circumstance. But that’s not so when you haven’t changed the emotional patterning or the emotional response, that actual physical chemical response that’s happening in the body following the thought. So if you think happy thoughts, you feel a flush of chemical going through the body that gives you this amazing feeling that propels you to take an action, take a positive action, towards the thing you want.

Now, if you have a negative thought, then you feel this sensation, this chemical response go through your body on a physical level. Like, you feel it. Imagine what fear feels like. Imagine what doubt, sadness, it creates a different feeling from that joy and happiness. That actual sensation compels you to take an action. If you took those two thoughts and compared those two actions, they would be different, right?

So it can even be like the same thought sometimes but you feel it a different way. In other words, you’re saying it but you don’t really believe it. So the back thought is the disbelief thought. And so you’re getting the chemical from the disbelief, not from the one that you want.  I hope that’s not confusing.

I feel like – it’s like I want to break into the anatomy of this and get really, really strategically deep because it seems like you’re talking about the same thing. Like yes, our thoughts ultimately create our life. Let’s just agree on that. But I would like to go beyond that model of your thoughts create your feelings, create your actions, therefore your results.

And by that I mean, diving deeper into the feeling part, so here it is. We have two kinds of people. We have the one that thinks. They have a thought, they do the thing, they get a result. And then we have the one that feels. They feel a thing, they take an action, they get a result. Can we both agree?

So now we have this one set of rules; your thoughts create your results. Ultimately, you create your life. Alright, let’s agree. But what about the person who the thought, it sounds like a pretty thought, but it actually brings up a thought of disbelief which is, “I can’t have that, it’s not available for me, it will never happen, yeah, well that sounds great…” Super subtle, right? But it’s actually that thought that’s behind the scenes that’s driving the action because of the sensation that it creates. Crazy.

So, this emotional signature that I keep talking about that I’m doing, I’m teaching this, I’m training this, it’s something that I’ve come to realize through my own process over and over. In yoga we call it a Samskara. We also call it this emotional pattern or scoring. It’s kind of like this little wounded part of our self that has not healed.

That emotion has not been integrated and embodied in such a way that you’re, like, over it, processed it. I like to use the word processed because that’s truly – it just makes more sense. It’s about recognizing it, feeling it, truly feeling it for 90 seconds so that it can process and then it can kind of like evaporate, I’ll call it, or dissolve. It minimizes the effect of how it feels so it’s not so intense. So let’s just agree on that so I can move forward.

So I want to talk about going beyond mindset. If the beliefs are the thoughts that we think over and over and they create a feeling in our body and that feeling compels us to take a certain action and that gives us our results then let’s talk about what the driving force truly is. And that is, in my opinion or in my thought, for many people or people like me, that is the feeling.

And so, ultimately, yes the thought starts it, but can we manage? In other words, can we gain power and control of the emotion, of the feeling, and instead of – let’s just use these two examples. You’re in the car. You are the car. You’re behind the steering wheel and you have the thought driving the car and your thought is a little crazy, a little creepy.

Your thoughts is trying to go straight. It has a destination. Here it is, it sees Buc-ee’s and it’s like, “Maybe I’ll stop, maybe I’ll see what’s there. Oh, let me see what this Buc-ee’s has.  Oh, let me see what Texas looks like,” or whatever, right. That’s your brain. It’s crazy. It’s always doing crazy things. But it’s driving the car.

And then let’s imagine that your emotions are driving the car. So the thought is, “Buc-ee’s has this amazing cappuccino,” and so now it’s got this really good feeling in your body when you think about the cappuccino and now your emotion has the steering wheel and your emotion is driving the car and taking the exit instead of staying on the lane and going wherever you’re going, wherever the GPS is set.

This happens over and over in our business, in our own life, in our relationships with our clients, in our diets, our fitness plans. We allow our thoughts and our emotions to drive our actions even though they don’t necessarily align with where we are going, that’s what I’m saying. When I talk about more than thought work, it truly is more about mindset because, here’s the thing; every thought you think causes a physical reaction, an emotional response within you. And so, can you see where that is driving the results in your life?

Now, if you wanted to – let’s see how we can use this in such a way that it’s actually going to benefit you in the results that you want. I believe that beliefs are everything because the belief is the accumulation of thoughts, of thoughts, of thoughts until it locks in and it becomes a belief. And then it’s kind of wrapped up with that emotional signature, right?

And so that becomes this emotional design that you are being run by. And so, if your personality is an accumulation of the things that you do, your environment, your experiences that you’ve learned from and you become the personality and then the emotional signature is the accumulation of the things that you feel that follow that. So let’s say there’s those two aspects of you.

Your beliefs are the accumulation of the thought and the feeling. And that’s what you believe because that’s what you’ve been thinking and feeling. Bingo. There’s the integration that I’m talking about .

So if you wanted to truly change things and get different results, it’s your belief, your new belief, with aligned action, that creates results. And what I mean by aligned action is it’s not just like a positive affirmation and then you take the step as if it were true and then you don’t get the results because you don’t have the feeling. I’m talking about it has all the steps.

So you have a belief. That belief creates a sensation in your body that feels good and inspiring and motivating and it drives you or compels you to take a certain action that is aligned with the result that you want. That’s the way to make change. So what do you have to do? Thought work, yes, emotional processing, yes. So it is not just thought work. It’s not just your thoughts. You have to actually do the emotional processing if that sensation in your body is stronger than the thought, got it? That’s the difference.

So they say, if you think you can and you think you can’t and both are correct, that’s what we mean. What you truly think is what you can or can’t do.  It is. It’s like that thought over and over and that belief over and over truly creates your world, the way you see things, your perception.

You’ll have some who believe only in spirituality; I am waiting for god, I’m just going to believe, I don’t need to change my actions, I don’t need to change my feelings, I’m just waiting on god.  That’s their belief. That’s fine, that’s perfect, that’s aligned with their life, their belief, their actions, their results, period.

And then you have the person that is all about the way you think. I just thought, I just thought, I changed my thoughts, let’s do law of attraction, it’s just about the thoughts. But here’s the thing about law of attraction; law of attraction is all about vibration. That’s the secret. The secret is not just change your thoughts. The secret is change the vibration. And the way you change the vibration is by all of those aligning.

I know I’m saying the same thing over and over and I’m hoping I’m saying it in several different ways so that it actually sinks in because I’ve got to tell you, I’ve been teaching this stuff for quite a while and I’ve actually been in the world of it myself and it’s quite a change of perception.

Saying it and actually doing it, like being in it and truly, truly, truly believing it and doing it is not the same thing. And so, after seeing, taking it step by step and seeing so many people still not get what I was saying because they could not identify the feeling, they couldn’t articulate or identify the emotion, the sensation in their body. And that is because it has been turned off or maybe never turned on for so long that that is where the stuckness is coming from.

The brain has built this wall to keep them safe, to keep them from feeling what I call the shadow, that’s the scary aspect of our self that we don’t want to feel because we feel unsafe and it is completely blocked for some people. And so what I noticed in doing the Belief Boot Camp, in work and with individual clients and with teaching this process to actual coaches and therapists and leaders who are already in health and wellness, what I realized over and over by every single one is the majority of individuals do not know how to emotionally feel, process, and integrate, and therefore they are staying stuck.

And so the coaches are not able to take their clients deeper because they’re not able to go there themselves, hold space for themselves, much less hold space for the client. And that is my mission, to teach this process, simple five-step process, amazing tools that are not out there. I don’t know anyone that is teaching the combination of these tools and integrating, the actual integrating process.

It’s not about learning it. It’s about processing and integrating and embodying and becoming therefore representing the example for others to follow. So you have to think better thoughts to create. You have to have better feelings created from those thoughts, and you have to take better actions. So you have to think better thoughts to create better feelings to take better actions to get the thing you want. Just make sure you don’t have a missing step. It’s not just the thought work.

So, here’s the thing; you often can’t see the problem thoughts because you’re caught in the problematic feeling. Bingo. I’m not going to go much further than that in this particular episode because I want you to relisten to it. Even though I’m saying the same thing, I want you to listen to it in different ways.

If you can’t see the problem thought because you’re in the problematic feeling, what we call is it’s a spin. You’re caught in this cycle just going in this spin where you’re caught in the vibration of the sensation, the chemical response from the thought. So the easiest way I can say it is, so recognize that that thought creates a chemical response in my body and that chemical response creates this sensation that I stay stuck and spin in.

And so what happens when you’re stuck and spin in it, you keep regurgitating the thought, the feeling, the thought, the feeling, the thought, the feeling. It just stays in this spin and you will find yourself feeling mentally paralyzed. And that’s what I’m talking about when I say it’s like the frontal cortex, your forehead, the front part of your brain that does your thinking, it does your problem-solving, is frozen. It’s frozen in the spin.

And you will see this with people when it kind of looks like they’re in shock and they’re like, um, um, and you get super frustrated, especially for smart people. Yes, I called myself a smart person.

You’re caught in this mental paralysis like you can’t take action and you can’t solve the problem and you can’t see a different way because you can’t even see the problem anymore because you’re so caught in the sensation, in the feeling. And these are the people I am talking to. If this is you, you are the person that the feeling overrides the thought. That’s why you can’t get the breakthrough. That’s why the businesses are failing to launch. That’s why the clients are not getting the breakthrough, because you’re not able to get to it yourself, but just take someone else to it.

You have to be willing to turn the feelers back on, turn the emotions back on, bring the wall down, relax the nervous system so that you can start to drop the wall. There’s a process to it. It’s not as easy as just saying it. This is experiential. The transformation process is in the doing.

I can continue to talk about it, but unless you’re actually experiencing this and creating the new imprint in your body, the new sensation in your body, then it’s going to be near impossible to get. And this is why I’m talking so much more about this, more than mindset, more than thought work. It’s beyond the thought work. It’s beyond the mind because remember, every thought you think causes an emotional response or physical reaction within you.

Your mind always does what it thinks you want it to do and that’s to stay safe. It wants to return to what is familiar and to avoid what is unfamiliar. This is your brain’s job. And in order to turn that off, that keeping you stuck off, you’re going to have to give your brain a new job. In other words, you’re going to have to direct it, set the GPS, and tell it exactly what to do.

Like hey, help me to figure out which thought is causing this sensation that’s keeping me stuck. Help me to figure out how to get the next client. Help me to articulate my message in a way that it’s received by my ideal client. You tell your brain exactly what you want instead of your brain telling you what to do, right, instead of your brain driving the car or your emotions driving the car, you set the standards, you decide.

So you make your beliefs, then your beliefs make you. Does that make sense? And that’s what people are caught in. That’s what they’re spinning in is these beliefs. And here’s another thing, once you make those beliefs, your body has no choice but to respond to them. So it’s like, the body, your life, your finances, everything about yourself and your relationship are just a byproduct. It’s just a result of your thinking and feeling. It’s a result of the actions that you take when you think and feel a certain way.

Alright, I’m going because I feel like I’m just going to keep repeating the same thing over and over and you can go back to listen to this again and get it. I hope this was helpful and not confusing. And make sure and check out the membership site, the Integrative Life membership site where we are taking this work deeper.

We’re actually applying it and teaching you how to process. This first boot camp is called Belief Boot Camp. The second class is called Feeling Feelings, which is exactly what this is about. It’s taking the information from here and applying it in your life. You learn coaching tools and concepts that are not talked about on the podcast or not talked about on the Facebook group or the book because it’s the actual practical steps, step by step. And that is exactly why we opened Integration Live membership community, so that we can bring you guys together and help you take the steps and do the actual work instead of just listening, you’re actually doing it. Alright, check that out.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.


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