Ep #22: When You Feel Like You Don’t Belong

When you revolutionize your mindset and radically transform how you approach your thoughts, it can be both empowering and isolating because your old tribe might not understand the wonderful changes you’ve experienced.

Sometimes, you share this monumental shift in yourself and your friends can be scared or confused about the person in front of them, and that can make you feel like you don’t belong and take steps back so you can fit in.

In today’s episode, I want you to know that you are not alone and that there are ways to continue your amazing progress while not feeling isolated. This part of your emotional integration is extremely important and I want to share how you can feel confident in the beautiful person you’re becoming. I invite you to join me and learn about how we can navigate the difficult feelings of isolation so we can both share and receive gifts with one another!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • The impact the social community has on your spiritual and emotional transformation.
  • How to change your attitude in regards to your community so you can share your gifts with the world and receive gifts in return.
  • Why it can be difficult to deal with feelings of not belonging when your peers don’t share your mindset.
  • Ways to share your transformation with others without feeling isolated.
  • How to find a community that will be like-minded and helpful for your continual growth.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners, the only podcast that can help YOU help more people, create a greater impact, and make more money in the health and wellness industry. Join Clarity and Confidence Coach, Kim Guillory, as she teaches you how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started…

Hello my beautiful tribe. Guys, I had the best trip ever. This is coming to you post-California. So the trip ended up going a little bit longer than planned and so much more than I ever expected. And so I started off – for those just hopping in, I started off in Santa Fe, I met some friends there, then we headed to Sedona, and that’s where we did the event with Joe Dispenza and Gregg Braden and HeartMath.

And we spend quite a few days there hiking and just kind of indulging in the essence and energy of Sedona, which is fabulous if you have not been. We spent some time with some amazing locals, little businesses that – just so good. I could live there for sure. It is on my go back list. Maybe I’d host a retreat there if that’s something you’re like, yes, for sure. Respond, let me know and we can put that in the plans of one of the destinations.

So I checked out quite a few easy hikes, moderate hikes, things to see and do, places that just kind of oozed the essence of the culture there. And then I headed to Lake Tahoe, which was fabulous. Had another retreat there, and then Mount Shasta, which – so I went up, spent a little extra time there than what I thought I would do. Gosh, I could totally live there half of the year.

Amazing little small, quaint, again, fabulous healthy options. Super slow paced and easy. Weather was amazing. Hikes were amazing. Mount Shasta is a must do if you love the outdoor stuff and hiking and simplicity. I would highly recommend that. Another place I want to go back to. I found a place to stay to do a small group and host some kind of event there too maybe one day.

Anyway, and then kind of little surprise. I met this great guy in the parking lot when I was heading out and he – of course, this is how the whole entire journey went. There was always the next person to tell me the next path. So this was not predetermined. None of it. The only thing I knew I was doing for sure, the reservations I had was Lake Tahoe.

And his suggestions and we had the map out and he just kind of showed me some things that I had no idea about and I knew I wanted to go down the coast of California to head home, but I couldn’t figure out how to get across from Mount Shasta. There were no main roads or whatever and didn’t make sense to me. And then he introduced me to Grants Pass in heading up to Oregon and heading down the Pacific coast there and then going into the Red Woods, which totally stole my heart.

I swear to you, there is maybe – I don’t know. Either I needed to visit there, I need to belong there, I need to go back, something. I would stop on the side of the road and just smell the goodness of the forest. It just drew me and it was just the word that kept coming to mind was majestic. This is just so majestic. I couldn’t hardly contain myself. I couldn’t stay on the road. I’m such a feeler.

I would pull over and just go and stand in the forest. I would weep. It was so awesome, guys. If you have not done this neck of the woods, you really should. And so that led me to spending more time than I thought, than I was going to be there, and then I headed down and the beauty of this trip is California has it all. I was able to experience – well even Sedona, Santa Fe, the red rocks and the forest and the ocean.

Mountains, red rocks, desert, wine country, Oregon, Nevada, New Mexico, that area of cactus land and grapes and I don’t know, it was just the best mix. And then I ended up stopping at Joshua Tree National Park, which I had no idea about. Again, I said I don’t know much about geography or history. This is kind of my growing up phase and I am my own mentor.

So I’ve got this little kid in me that did not do vacations or ever knew about any of these places, and her mind surely was not on schoolwork. It was more on survival. And so this opportunity, this trip presented to me of being in the snow and being in the ocean and in the forest and learning these things firsthand, learning about nature and just how the ecosystem works and how this natural process of earth and life and totally blown away.

What I didn’t realize is there were like, these spiritual vortexes and all this fabulous majestic – how can I say this? I didn’t know that was even available, that was even an option, and it’s every single thing that I was taken to without knowing it was there, which makes this so much more mystical to me, this whole entire experience. And then doing it solo, being alone, having to figure out the next step, and knowing that there was always the perfect person to guide me to the next step.

So there was always like, a little angel in disguise or a little – some hint, some form that took me to the next place, whether it was the GPS or whether it was something that I saw on the map and I got curious about, or maybe something along the way someone told me about. And every single place I got to, it was like this hey, we’ve been waiting for you. And I had all this – I don’t know.

I’m so grateful because all of these little special treatments and deals and like yeah, we’ve already closed out the computer so you can just have your night for free and we’ll let you in your room early and oh, we don’t have any rooms left so we’ll give you the grand suite for the same price. I get to the spas and the massage therapist have been waiting. It was so weird. Fabulous experience. I do think I came back somewhat of a different person for sure.

More grounded and solid in this inner knowing and that I’m on the right path, to trusting that everything we need, everything is provided for us. And that some of the experience was the questionable parts. I truly danced in the shadows. So I hear these people who go on these spiritual quests and they go out in the wilderness and they’re just by themselves in the darkness with their own shadow, which sounds fabulous because this is what this felt like.

I spent a lot of time in this not knowing and what it brought up for me was this little kid that I didn’t know like, how do I know? No one’s here to tell me, I don’t know who to ask, I don’t know. Crazy stuff like even being in elementary and not even knowing who to go to to find out these natural processes that were happening in my own body and how to – where do I get that? How do I do that?

Being raised without a mother and having only a father who didn’t know these things either, it really created this I don’t know in me, and I took that story, that belief, that unconscious – whatever my mind conjured up, this unconscious perception that I don’t know, I don’t know how to find out, I’m not sure, and then you put that with shame of asking and being judged because you don’t know, and now I’m just like you know what, I don’t know because I never got to experience that and now I am and I don’t mind asking questions.

Drives my husband crazy because I ask all these questions and I’m always getting suggestions from people and he’s like, will you just stop that? You’re embarrassing me. Like, it’s part of the learning process so let me be the eight-year-old or let me be the 12-year-old. Let me ask the questions. Let me be the four-year-old who got to figure out why the horse does that with the whatever it does.

But I didn’t have that opportunity, and obviously I’m wanting to experience it now. And I have agreed to take myself through it, the wiser me, the part of me who has more of the soul connection, the soul alignment, that part of me, the wisdom can help guide and lead this younger part of me into some of these human experiences. Some of this earthly survival stuff that I didn’t learn early on.

Anyway, it’s super interesting. I think that’s why I’ve got this sort of ignorance about geography and understanding some of the systems of the world, but I’m open to it. Open to learn it. So with that long introduction, I’ll get started here. So what I want to talk about today is first of all, I believe I’ll be bringing more of that experience through that entire – I don’t know. I don’t even know how many days I was gone, but I think it was close to three weeks.

Being by myself and having to go inside and listen and trust and see the shadow, dance with the shadow, probably more experiencing it on a deeper level by not having the distractions of having to go to or the drama. Very often I did not have internet connection. I was in areas of the desert that had no wifi. So bringing that into what I was already teaching about, which is the punch-line approach.

So this is a five-step process. It’s a process of transformation that just came through my own experiences and that’s what my book is about. It’s called The Punch-Line Approach and it’s really just getting down to just give me the punch line. Tell me, let’s just weed through all of the drama, tell me what really matters, and I find I do this in movies, in books, when I’m listening to people.

Like yeah, all that is just stuff. What’s the real story here? What’s the takeaway? And maybe that’s kind of like I’m just a natural problem solver so I just want to get to the problem so that I can articulate it, so that I can understand it, and that’s why who I am as an individual.

And this particular process, it’s a simple, practical five-step process to transform all areas of your life mentally, the way you think, the way you believe. Emotionally, the way you feel and experience, physically, the way your mental, emotional, spiritual self manifests in your physical being, in your body with chronic pain and disease and health and overweight and underweight and just the things that reflect in the body coming from your mental and emotional state. And then spiritual, what is the connection, this wholeness and faith and grace and being able to tap into exactly what I’m talking about on this journey.

Knowing you are safe, knowing that there is a force greater than you that’s just holding and embracing and loving us and guiding us to be more of who we are and how we’re created. Like, we’ve spent so much time trying to be like everyone else instead of spending time trying to figure out how we’re different and how it’s a beautiful different, and how it all click together.

So that spiritual connection, and then your occupation, our career, it’s what is the gift that you bring to the world. Whether it’s in an actual business or a service or if it’s in just donating your time or your resources, what is it that you offer in service, what do you give back as in occupation, in career. Maybe it’s a stay-at-home mom or maybe it’s an entrepreneur, but it’s how are we created different in order to bring that service to create something different to help humanity evolve.

And after that, one of the things that we talk about is financial and that’s your ability to earn money to care for yourself. Your personal responsibility, to the ability to earn money. Also your ability to receive abundance. Your ability to be able to receive money and hold on to money. How to manage it, how to use it as your resource, how to grow it. This is a gift, this is a skill, this is a learning process and it is part of your health.

Your financial health is part of your responsibility for taking care of your own needs, being able to afford your desires and needs, and then your ability to handle it. But more than that, what I work with and find is one of the hardest things for people is the ability to receive. So abundance is available for everyone. Everyone. You were basically born with a bag of abundance.

Or like I say, there’s this plane flying over all of us, this blimp that’s just full of money and it’s waiting for the house that’s open to receive it. Like Santa Claus coming through and do you have your chimney open or is it capped off, can I just drop it in there. But you have to have the container. So you have to have the house or the chimney for it to drop down into.

So your beliefs affect this. Do you have the ability to receive abundance and goodness and just so much love and so much gratitude for everything that’s possible for you? It’s crazy to think about and everybody says oh yeah, wish I had that, wish I had that, but here, the truth is you have to learn how to be worthy of receiving it, and that’s part of this process.

And then intellectually is your personal growth. Self-growth, personal development, evolving, finding out more of who you are and then the freedom to be all of that. All of you. Intellectually is the books you read, the things you listen to, those you get advice from, or who guide you and support you, and intellectually being okay with challenges and knowing that the challenges are what help us grow.

So intellectually understanding that, how the mind works, and how can you use some of the experiences to help you grow intellectually. And then part of that intellectual is also how do you share that. How do you be the example of that or how do you help other people gather that? And then the social and environmental is the eighth area of health and that would be the habits and behaviors that you put forth or from the ones that were created in your environment or your social life.

So if you look around you, like how do your parents behave, what are their beliefs, where did they learn that from, because you take for each generation, there’s two sides. So eventually you’ve got multiple sides. Those beliefs and behaviors and understandings and perceptions are all coming down to you.

And this is on more than one level, so we can do a whole ‘nother show just on that aspect, but just for the sake of today, we want to look around you and we basically have around six main people in our tribe. And you’ll notice that you kind of think the same way, do the same things, believe the same way, and then you’ll have this transition where some grow or some think differently, or they’re kind of outside of the circle and others drop off. New ones come in.

So that’s basically that social environmental. Where do you live? What’s the resources that you learn from? Like what is that belief system? It could be in religion, it could be in financial, it could be in politics, it could be in family dynamics. But either way, there is a social environment aspect of your health, of the part of you that – the hardest thing is when you start doing the intellectual, the personal growth, the spiritual connection, you start understanding mentality and emotions, that changes and then we don’t know how to change on the outside.

So the inside has changed and so imagine you go on this retreat or you have this huge awakening, or say you’re listening to this podcast and you’re like, oh my god, things are starting to shift and I’m starting to see things. Now I see the separation in the vision, I see where I was conditioned, I see where I took that belief on and I see why I’m sick now because it doesn’t align with what I truly believe and I’m trying to live it out.

So I’m basically living out someone else’s life or someone else’s belief instead of mine, which is making my body physically sick. And so you go on this retreat or you listen to this podcast and you figure that out, and then you come back into your typical tribe, your typical circle, and you’re kind of sharing what you know. You don’t realize you’re being different because this is just who you are now.

But those who didn’t go with you, who didn’t gather the information, who didn’t have the transformation, the change, they didn’t have the awakening or their perception wasn’t shifted, they continue to treat you like you were or there’s this sort of not belonging because they can’t relate to you, and then we often interpret that as I don’t belong, they don’t accept me, they’re judging me.

So I tell people when we go to retreat or when they start doing this work with me, I’m like, listen, don’t feed the diamond to the swine. Don’t throw all of your diamonds into the pigpen and let them be stomped on because that will happen and it’s not because the pigs are bad or it’s not because they’re doing anything to you.

It’s because they truly don’t know that it’s gems or wisdom. They don’t know so they just kind of stomp all on it and then the diamonds are buried away and it goes into the trenches of the old mindset, the old perception, the way things were before.

But what’s actually happening is they don’t know what the experience, how it’s changed your perception and how you see different. So possibly, every time you listen to one of these shows, you could see things differently. And then they haven’t had that experience to see things different and so you’re no longer on the same page of conversation and understanding.

And because we’ve got these old wounds, this unresolved trauma, these old stories, everyone is worried about being left out, not being worthy enough, not being good enough. Everyone. So let’s just say that first. What you do is you take that story into this experience and because they don’t understand or can’t relate or don’t like it, or argue or use emotional manipulation like, against it, if you keep acting that way I’m not going to talk to you, then the fear comes up.

Then the nervous system is activated, then you go into fight or flight, and then you freeze and you worry about not belonging and all of the insecurity comes back. And we just keep doing this over and over and over. I want to share what’s happening so that you can see it’s truly just that you have shifted your perception and your tribe, your environment, your social community does not know that.

They can’t get inside of you and feel that and see that, and it’s more like a maybe unrelatability and the judgment is actually coming from – it’s on both sides. You think they’re judging you but it’s actually you judging them like they should understand you, they should be feeling great. Remember the two reasons that we suffer. Judgment and comparison.

They should understand, they should love you, they should accept you no matter what. But what the defense that’s happening here is really just a story. Nothing has gone wrong. There’s just been this kind of breach in understanding of the way things were that no longer is and we’re trying to use the same habit and behavior in a situation that’s no longer in existence.

So I say whenever you’re doing this, it’s not that you’re hiding anything. We’re not doing this very scary, very let’s go in the backroom and we don’t want to tell anyone what we’re doing kind of thing. It’s not that. It’s you really want to take the work inside of yourself instead of outside of yourself.

So the reason we try to explain it, rationalize it, and basically beat it to death in someone else is because it feels so amazing in us we want to share that with them. So it’s with good intention. And we’re like oh, they’re really stuck, we need to share this with them so they’re not stuck anymore, but they haven’t asked for the help and they’re fine where they are, and there’s a judgment that they should be that way so you try to vomit your stuff all over them.

So that’s what I want to invite you to is instead of taking the transformation, the new perception, and the new understanding or the new awakening, instead of taking that outside of yourself and throwing it into the pigpen or throwing it into your circle or tribe or environment or social setting that’s not ready to receive it, take it inside of yourself.

Take a deep breath. Drop down into your heart. Maybe drop down into your belly and bring the work and the transformation inside of yourself because honestly, what you’re doing when you throw it out and when you give it to other people, you’re only doing that so you can see it yourself, so you can believe it. So it’s really you just driving it in more for yourself.

So you’re using those people, that landing space as a mirror so you can see, and so there’s this projection. Take it, put it out, let them see that it’s true so they can prove to you that it’s true, so you can be sure that it’s true, and that doesn’t need to happen. So you’re actually setting yourself up for the disappointment, for the suffering because you’re trying to push it onto someone else and something that you love so much, that you want more of, trying to put it in someone else’s circle or story.

So I hope that made sense. We’re going to keep talking about this so if it doesn’t this time, maybe it will another time. So what happens is when you share with someone this new perception that you have or this new understanding, and I’ll call it like this new prosperity and health and wellness and wholeness and connection, and you’ve like, got this new process of possibilities and you’re like, oh my god, life is so good and I’m not suffering anymore and when I do stuff I realize it’s coming from my thoughts, and oh my gosh, this is so good, everybody needs to know about this.

Know that when you share that and they’re not able to receive it yet because that’s part of all of it, right? You have to have the understanding to receive. Your mind falls right back into the old groove, into the old story. I’m not good enough, I should have known, they never accept me, I really thought this was the thing that I was going to fit in with, I thought everybody could see how amazing and wonderful this was and then they would like me and then they would want to be around me and then they would accept me, and then it doesn’t happen.

You think it’s about you, and it’s not about you. It’s never about you. What other people think is never about you. What other people say is never about you. And what you say and think is never about them. That’s the beauty. They don’t need to be fixed. They don’t need to be saved. They also are looking for unconditional love and acceptance, and tolerance and patience and empathy and understanding of where they are.

And if you’re not judging or comparing where they should be, then you won’t have this trying to force yourself or your story or your new – whatever you’ve just come across onto them because you won’t see a reason for it because they don’t really need saving. Does that make sense?

This is something I’m really passionate about sharing with my coaches, leaders, mentors, teachers is if we go into the workforce, if we go into the field and start doing it from how we feel or how we want to feel, it’s actually you just projecting your story, attracting it and then trying to fix it. Instead, I teach them how to get the personal transformation within themselves and then just be an example of it.

And then the person can see the reflection of what they desire and they can help them to realize and understand that that reflection is recognizable because they already possess it. And then we help them start shifting that. So what we are doing is we are deconditioning in this process. First thing we do is come into presence. I’ve taken you through that on the first few episodes. And then we unveil.

We unveil the story, we unveil the conditioning, the limiting beliefs, the generational patterns, the societal systems. We unveil that and we ask the questions like is it true? Where did that come from? Do you know for a fact? Who told you that? Why did you believe that? What’s the proof that you have?

And then we navigate, which is – there’s processes that we use in between all of these. We navigate by creating the bridge. Navigating is this is how I did do it, this is what felt right, now I know that something’s different, what do I do now to take me to the next step? That’s the part I talk to you about with Louise Hay, with the positive affirmations. We navigate by telling yourself a new story, a different story.

We navigate by seeing it differently, understanding it differently, and taking different actions because now we think different and we feel different, and so now how we respond is going to be different. So that’s the navigate part. That’s the last five episodes. Go back and listen.

What we’re moving into from here, so that’s why I wanted to kind of go through the whole entire process is we’re moving onto the create step. So you don’t want to create your future from an old mindset, from old perceptions, from old stories. This doesn’t mean you want to change your circumstance. You still get to live in the same house if you want to, you still get to have the same job.

All that can stay the same. You can do all of this work in the exact physical position you’re in because all of this happens within yourself, in your mind. And so this trying to change – if I had a better job, if I made more money, if my husband was nicer, if I didn’t have kids, if I did have kids, all that’s just drama.

So what I want to show you is you don’t want to create the new future from the old place. So you don’t want to – people are trying to create the end of the story with the same beginning, but you can’t do it because that’s unconsciously running the show and you’re going to keep going back and you’re not going to be able to change. This is why breaking habits is so hard.

So for you who want to take this work deeper and really get into this, the Belief Boot Camp is all about this. It starts July 25th. I don’t know when you’re hearing this, but even if you get this recording a year later, just know it’s in the vault of the membership so you can come back and get it at any time. And once you’ve gone through the Belief Boot Camp with me personally and you’ve done the work, it’s yours to keep.

So you can go back and do it over and over and over, you can stop a few years, you can go back, you can stop for a few months and go back, you can get a revisit to it, and you can also – what happens is this work goes layers and layers deeper. So even though you get to one particular place in your life, you can still go deeper by repeating the process.

So that’s starting up soon if you want to work with me specifically. I only take a handful of private clients and it’s mostly in the coaching and training. I train health and wellness professionals, massage therapists, health practitioners how to bring emotional intelligence, coping skills, and reconnecting the disconnected into their practice.

So for those who want to come on a personal level and just have the transformation in their life, it’s really affordable. It’s $39 a month. You’ll be part of the membership. I coach you personally. It’s the only way you can coach with me personally is through that membership site. We have mentors, coaches who can help you, and we explain all of this in depth.

You get to hear it, do it, listen to it again, we do some integration in between the boot camps, and then when the Belief Boot Camp is over, we go right into another boot camp. We’ve got them planned out for the year. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s super hopeful, and what I’m hoping you do is gain power and control of your life.

So what’s happening is if you’re doing things you no longer want to do, you’re actually being ruled and run by your emotions of the past, by unresolved conflict, by unresolved trauma, by unintegrated emotions, unfelt perceptions, things that happened in the past that you didn’t deal with, that you aren’t able to deal with because you didn’t have the understanding, the mentality, or the intelligence that we teach you how to do that now.

It only takes a few seconds and then you move on. Deconditioning is basically death to the old perception so that we can help you create the new perception so that you can have the things that you really want and they’re your birthright. Come on guys, we’re like, amazing beings and souls having a human experience and it’s available for all of us. It’s possible for all of us.

The thing is to find out who you are and to get rid of who you are not, whatever that conditioning has been that’s been running your life up until now. Just never underestimate the power of the unconscious, which was running the show behind the scenes that keeps you in the old habits and behaviors and keeps you stuck in the positioning and conditioning.

So the Punch-Line Approach is the process to that. It’s very simple, practical. We use it on all levels and layers of your life. We really want to create more health-conscious culture and the community to support it, and that’s what the membership site is. It’s global and we want to help you and your actual environment, social area, whatever, wherever you live geographically by we create the model for others to follow.

So you can take this, especially in rural areas if you happen to be someone – you’re just finding that you’re on this transformation process by yourself, you maybe have found some Facebook groups or some things to follow but you don’t actually have that help and the transformation, and I say transformation doesn’t have to happen alone, that we are a very safe and open, loving community.

There is no judgment. There is no one who is allowed or not allowed. It’s whoever wants to do the work. You are welcome. So you can check out the Integrative Life in the Facebook group first. That’s just a free group where we educate and share and we do some little challenges. And you’ll have all of the resources there on joining the membership site if that’s something that you want to do.

I invite you to continue listening to the podcast. Please share with your friends. Share on social media. The more people that follow, the easier it is to reach and to get this out there and I really appreciate that. Feel free to reach out to me by email. I love hearing the stories and the revelations that others are coming to through this work. It just helps to inspire me and I feel more courageous and confident as you guys reach out to me.

That has been super helpful. I love hearing from you. I love seeing you in the Integrative Life group, some of you have hopped onto the life coach calls. It’s been fabulous to meet you personally. This is so exciting. I have so much more coming up, it’s been really hard for me to contain, and this is already going longer than I want to so I want to cut it off here and I will catch you on the next show.

So those are resources and ways that you can find me. The Punch-Line Approach is available but there’s nothing like doing the practical work. There comes a time where it’s time to quit absorbing information and it’s time to start putting it into action. You already know it, you’ve already read it, you’ve already said it. Now it’s time to do it.

I invite you to come along and I’m a great supporter of the work in emotional intelligence and emotional processing and integrating. That’s who I am. That’s what I do. I am presence. I reflect presence. I love life and helping these amazing souls figure out how to have this amazing human experience. Alright guys, until next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.


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