Ep #157: Eliminate Distractions

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence Coach Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hello and welcome back to the show. I may sound a little tired today, I came strolling in at 3:30 this morning and slept till 5:30. So I’ve been taking little cat naps throughout the day and I’m recording this pretty late. So if my voice sounds a little low, that could be why. I came back from a few days break. I was in Miami, chilling out, reassessing, evaluating, deciding, determining, all kinds of fun stuff. And I came back on a mission. My mission has been reignited.

So I want to talk about something that is very important. And it could be affecting your mission. And that is distractions. What is in the way of you achieving your goals, your dreams? Whether it be in your business, your health and wellness, or your relationships. This will apply to any of those. If you aren’t getting what you want, this could be the reason why. And then I will end it with what to do about it. So buckle up, this is going to be a pretty quick one, nut it’s going to be powerful.

So the first thing is to really do an assessment of your life and determine if you truly are living in a way that feels satisfying. You feel you are reaching your potential, you are maximizing your life, your time here, you are doing something that makes you feel alive, vibrant, excited. Because here’s the thing, I found myself in a position recently where I was literally laying on the bed with my ankles crossed, thinking I was bored, I was unsatisfied. And I wasn’t sure what was missing.

I wasn’t sure what was happening. But what I found was so interesting is it felt like I was a seventh grader locked at home. No money, no car, nowhere to go, nothing to do. That’s what it felt like. It was really weird when I noticed that I was just, like the thing about the ankles crossed and I was just like, kind of bouncing my feet around like frustrated. And I had this huge epiphany, this awareness.

This was, by the way, right before I purchased the van. And what I noticed was how real it felt and how true the words seemed. So the thoughts running through my head and the way it felt in my body, the sensations in my body. And it was the furthest thing from the truth. I have money, I have keys, I have freedom, I was not locked away. I was not a seventh grader who couldn’t go to the party or whatever it was, but it felt that way.

And that really woke me up because I had to ask the question, whose responsibility is it to get up and do something? To maybe engage in something new? Maybe reach for bigger goals? And that’s what it was for me. Somehow, my mission got put aside. And that happened because of distractions.

I was distracted because I didn’t want to do it alone. Because I wanted someone else to show me how to do it. I wanted someone to prove to me that it could be done. And so I was waiting. In seventh grade waiting to be a senior, waiting to get out of the house. When I realized it, when I caught myself and I took responsibility for changing it. And so I booked a flight and I headed out of town.

And I really sat with this and I asked some very serious questions. And I’m going to offer you to do the same. So the first thing is what is your goal? And if you’re bored, is it big enough? Is your goal big enough? Is your mission big enough? Does it light you up? Do you feel a sense of urgency that you won’t have enough time to get it done? Because if not, your goal may not be big enough.

My primary goal is to not leave this earth with my 12 grandbabies not seeing an example of the potential that could be reached. To me, that’s a crime. And if I’m waiting around for them to see it in someone else’s example, which is what I was doing. I was letting someone else be the example for them instead of taking responsibility for being that example myself. And yet, it was weighing so heavy on me.

I can’t imagine my five kids, their partners, and their babies not knowing that there’s more to be reached, to be attained, to be lived out. And that’s on me. That’s my responsibility. That’s not the world’s responsibility. That’s not the authors and the libraries of all of the people who have done it, it is mine. I am the role model of this family. It is my responsibility. And I was pawning that off on other people.

And I mean, it was like a slap in the face when I realized it. And I was so afraid to be alone, I didn’t want to do it by myself. I don’t want to exercise by myself. I don’t want to go on trips by myself. I want someone to do things with me all of the time. And when I first started traveling alone this was the biggest awakening, is I decided. I had been waiting for years for someone to be able to come with me and no one was ever – I mean, the excuses after excuses. No one was ever able to come.

So I just kept waiting like that seventh grader who had no money, no car, and no friends, or nowhere to go. It’s the same story. It just keeps repeating itself. It is not other people’s responsibility to do it with me. It is my responsibility, it’s my mission, it’s my goals. It’s my dreams that are not happening. It’s affecting me and my body. Does that make sense? Do you any of you guys ever experience that?

And so I took responsibility. I will not leave this earth without those kids seeing an example of the human potential being reached through my life. I will do it. And the fire is big, and I do feel it’s urgent and I might not have enough time. And it really got me moving. And I carved out a few things that I want to share with you.

So the first thing is, what is your goal? Would you make a decision, would you choose, is it to get healthy? Is it to lose 50 pounds? Is it to get fit? Is it to feel better? Is it to have a better marriage? Is it to be a better example for your children of what a marriage could look like? Is it to change the family dynamics, change the generational patterning, heal from the religious dogma? What is it for you?

Because for some people it really is healing from a broken family, from dysfunction. For some it is healing from poverty and scarcity. So you decide what is it for you. I will show my children financial potential, health and wellness potential, and relationship potential. I will help them do this by me doing it and them seeing me do it. Not me telling them, but me doing it.

And once you decide, once you choose what it is, commit. Commit to yourself, commit to the mission. Really make a solid, firm decision. This is important. It’s non-negotiable. I’m not willing to cheat on myself and my family or whatever the goal is. And then determine who’s with you. Who’s coming with you? Because that’s what I’ve been waiting on. I’ve been waiting on who’s coming with me.

Can you see what I did? I pawned all of the responsibility on the humans of the universe instead of taking it myself. Waiting on other people for me to be responsible. So who’s coming with you? Make a list. Who’s got your back? Who’s always there? Who doesn’t tell you that your dreams are too big? Who tells you that you’re worth it, to go for it? Who’s in your corner?

I was surprised at my list. It really woke me up. Who doesn’t tell you the things that most of us dread to hear, which are aren’t you ever going to be satisfied? When’s enough going to be enough? Or like my dad used to say, j’aime la vie. I mean, when you going to stop? How much you got to do? How many times you got to go? It was a problem.

And it wasn’t a problem because what I was doing. I didn’t know it then, it was a problem because he was worried about me. That he was afraid that when I was going, and doing, and buying, and building, and opening businesses, he was afraid for me. He was afraid I was going to lose, he was afraid I was going to get hurt.

But I didn’t take it that way. I was insulted and I shut myself down so that I wouldn’t feel the shame that I was feeling. Because I was too much, and I wanted too much, and I dreamed too big. I had too much potential. I needed to shut that potential up. I needed to close it inside my body.

And then you know, what you do? You end up stuffing it with food and doing other habits and behaviors like drinking, and smoking, and doing things because you’re bored to death. That’s what I did for so many years.

So think about this, who is with you? Who’s your ride or die? Is it your partner? Is it your best friend? Is it your neighbor? Who is the person? Because it’s likely not going to be a long list, just so you know. And once you decide who’s with you, you can talk to those people and ask them if they’re with you. Because sometimes we make assumptions and we believe some people are with us, we believe they understand our vision. We believe that they believe.

And I’ve found that I was highly mistaken by that. Not everybody’s interested. They might love me, but they’re not really interested in me reaching for that vision. Me attaining that possibility. Not because there’s anything wrong with me or them, just because they’re not interested in it in their life. They are satisfied and that doesn’t make me wrong or bad.

So if you have someone on your list, ask them if they’re in. I did this. At the end of last year I realized that I had a lot of contracts, per se, that were unhealthy because I had an agenda. I thought they were seeing what I was seeing and wanting to do what I was wanting to do, and wanting to go big and wanting to come along. And I didn’t realize that I was actually not giving them the choice.

And so I cleaned all that up and then I started this year fresh. I just talked about this last week on the podcast, it’s pretty scary. It requires a lot of trust. So ask them, if they’re interested. Ask them if they see the vision that you see. Ask them what their role is. What part do they want to play?

For my husband, he doesn’t want to do business. But he holds down the fort while I do. He’s here while I travel. He takes care of the house. He does the grocery shopping and cooking. He takes care of things, he takes care of me. He protects me. And it took a lot of work for us to get there. This was not easy and it was not always like this. We had to work for it, we had to decide it was important. And then we had to both commit to it and decide we were in long term. So ask them.

And then here’s the hard part, carve out who’s not. It doesn’t mean you can’t be in relationship. But they’re not in the vision. They’re not in the decisions. They don’t get to have an opinion. And you make the decision that you don’t go to the people who can’t see your vision to ask for support or to ask for advice.

That’s another thing that I kept doing, I kept asking people who didn’t understand. And then I was getting the interpretation of limitations that I didn’t have. All because I didn’t want to do it alone. But then I realized I was afraid to win or succeed alone. I recognized that I was losing alone. So either way, we get to do it alone. We can do it with others, but we do it
our self, we take personal responsibility. It’s our wholeness.

It’s just like a marriage, you got to be whole first if you want to be in a relationship. You can’t have two half people or two broken people in a relationship, it doesn’t work. You have to both do your work to be responsible and to become whole and not expect the other to take responsibility for your needs. You got to take responsibility for your needs, this is the same.

So when I realized I was failing alone, I was bored alone, I was waiting alone, I decided, well, I’d just as soon be winning alone. So I drove to New Orleans, hopped on an airplane and went and discovered some different things, went and discovered myself. I went and be with myself. I went and pumped myself up. Got excited about my mission, got excited about what’s possible for my grandkids.

And so one thing you can ask if you’re not sure how to do this, because maybe you don’t have anybody that’s with you. And in that case, reach out. Send me an email, join E-school if you’re in business, join Self Healing Masters if it’s for your personal goals. I’ve got plenty of help for you. What I won’t do is hang out with you in an inbox. Sorry, but I’m not doing that anymore. I’m not negotiating that anymore. I’ve been doing that I put in my time.

I have products that will give you results. I guarantee they will give you results if you do the work. So if you have a personal goal of relationships and health, come to Self Healing Masters. Come and learn the process, come and learn the work. If you’re in business and you want to elevate your business, come to E-School. It’s all there, we got it from the ground up. From idea all the way to materializing it.

You have support, you’re not alone. But you’ve got to do it alone with support. Does that make sense? It’s a big difference. It’s not hand holding, it’s supporting. It’s someone to carry your dreams and your beliefs with you. So you have to be willing to eliminate in order to elevate. So I’ll repeat that, you have to be willing to eliminate what’s not helping you elevate. Be willing to eliminate in order to elevate.

I’ve talked about this before with negotiating, you’re either negotiating or elevating. It’s the same thing. Are you negotiating and holding on to old things that are not coming with you? That are actually pulling you back? It’s actually harder, it’s harder to pull something and drag something with you than it is to just carry yourself.

So I hope this is helpful. I’m going to just kind of go through the whole process again and really just offer you to do an evaluation and ask what is distracting you? Is it because you don’t want to do it by yourself? Is it because you don’t know how? Is it because you haven’t seen the possibility? Are you pawning off the responsibility for someone else to be the example of it? That’s what I was doing.

That’s what I was doing, I’m not proud of that. And if I wouldn’t have found myself twiddling my toes and crossing my ankles and flapping my feet like a seventh grader, and if I wouldn’t have been willing to investigate that, to really get curious about it and to ask what I was resisting. And it’s a pretty big awakening to realize that you’re resisting succeeding alone, and so you’re willing to fail alone.

It’s not more comfortable guys, I promise you. It’s not more comfortable. And when you are not eliminating and elevating, you’re negotiating. So if it’s your health and wellness, are you getting up and moving your body? Are you eating the right foods? Are you putting an adequate amount of fluids in your body? Are you stopping when you’re full? Are you making decisions about consciously eating?

And if it’s your relationship, same thing. Are you guys deciding together what you want? Are you willing to get honest? Maybe it is over. Maybe you don’t have the same goals anymore and maybe that is painful. But you basically just die into this instead of living. It’s really sad that we do that because we’re so afraid to eliminate. Eliminate is not a bad word. Eliminate will help to elevate and it will elevate everything.

And then is it financial? What does your checkbook look like? Do you have financial freedom? Do you have your needs met? And that includes pleasure needs, not just basic needs. I don’t want to live here with just basic needs.

I did that. I didn’t have basic needs as a kid. I was so fortunate when I finally got to the position where my basic needs were met. But then I got stuck in that. I don’t want to live that way and I’m not going to apologize for it. And so if that is a problem for you, I’m not going to apologize for it. I did that, I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to go beyond the basics. I want to explore and experience. I want to show my kids that they are not stuck in this.

Guy’s, we talk about $50,000 or $100,000 a year being a lot of money, those kids will not be able to survive on that. I have to show them better. That’s my responsibility. Do you get where I’m going? Okay, I hope so.

All right, guys, if you are new to the show, you can come to the More Than Mindset Facebook group. So it’s the same name as the podcast. But if you really want to do the work, you really want to come and hang out with me, you want to learn about these processes and techniques that are working for many others, then I invite you to come to either E-school or Self Healing Masters depending on your needs. We’ve got you, we’ve got your back.

All right, my friend, have a great week. Do some eliminating, got it? No more negotiating. Promise me. Are you willing to take an oath and say to yourself I’m willing to eliminate in order to elevate? I am done with negotiating.

I’m ready to trust source and self like never before. And I’m willing to experience what is possible beyond the mental constructs that have been created through societal conditioning, generational patterning, religious dogma, environmental messaging. I choose to believe that there is something more and I can have it.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.