Ep #44: Emotional Wellness

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with Clarity and Confidence Coach Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve, with your skills and experience, to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to the show. Guess what? I have a new grandbaby. She arrived on Black Friday. She’s amazing. Her name is Kinsley Hope. She was 7 pounds, 10 ounces, born in Jackson, Mississippi. She is number 10, and number 11 is about a month behind. So, all about the babies this holiday season.

And I’m on my way out the door tomorrow morning. I’m going to a Mastermind event with my mentor and peer coaches. I’ll be going for three days, get back on the weekend. It’s going to be all things “Coach Your Brain”, get rid of any negative residue that’s hanging out, so that we can end the year off with a bang and have a fresh, clear start for the new year.

I just love coaching and business and just all of this stuff. I know you hear me talk about this all the time, but guys, have you really tapped in to the power of managing your mind, processing your emotions, coming to gain power and control of your entire life? There’s just nothing like it.

Like, I can’t even describe what it feels like if you’ve never felt it, because you have to experience it. There’s no words that can indicate how it feels.

Anyway, today we are going to talk about emotions, emotional wellness. We’re going to talk about two really important reasons why you want to feel, and then I’m going to give you takeaways so that you can start to implement this in your life ASAP, like today. So here are the two reasons that feelings are important.

Number one, if you do not feel your feelings, if you do not process, allow, integrate feelings in your body, you will react to them later. So here’s your choice. Feel it now, react to it later. Okay?

So what happens is we have feelings buried in our body. I’ve said this before, feelings buried alive never die. What happens is we have current incidences, like watching the news is a good example of it, because you hear it and then it like annoys you, or angers you, or saddens you when you’re only watching it, and it’s something that has already happened, and you can feel it in the here and now.

Does that makes sense? That’s how powerful your feelings are, that’s how powerful emotions are. They hang around in our bodies. If we do not feel them, if we do not find resolution to whatever the situation was when you first felt it, okay? It could be a crisis, it could be trauma, or it could just be incidences that you didn’t know how to process.

And what happens is, you hear a story, even though it’s not even happening to you, but you hear about it, and that sensation is activated in your body. And this is why it’s so important.

You will take that sensation, and then you would make it out to mean something to you personally, and then you react to it. In other words, “Well that just put me in a bad mood. That just makes me feel really crappy. Well, now that I’ve felt that, I’m not doing this.” Right? You react to it.

It’s not even yours. Chances are what you just heard on TV has nothing to do with you, right? It’s something that you’re watching. But what it’s done is it activated something that was personal to you, inside of you, and then you are reacting to it as if it happened to you. Okay?

So that is the first reason. If you do not feel it, integrate it, which is just allowing it to become a part of your experience, then you will respond to it, react to it. Like, you will have a sensation, now here it is, because of your thought.

So it always comes back to thought. But I like to take it beyond thought work and into feeling sensations. Because we get hooked here, and we think it’s just about changing the thought. That’s like in your current environment, but it’s really not.

A lot of times it’s an unconscious thought. An old memory, an old thought that’s underneath the current thought, and that’s why I believe in More Than Mindset. It’s not just about the thought you’re having today. But that thought, like you see something on TV and you say, “That is not fair.” And then you feel this injustice and it may either anger you or make you sad, so you feel that, “I feel sad.”

And then you ask yourself the question, I feel sad because? Because that’s not fair. Because that’s like injustice. That could happen to anybody. That means I’m not safe. Can you see how you can break it down and go deeper and deeper? This is inquiry, you really want to dial down on these feelings and find out where they’re coming from. Otherwise, you’re running around the world really mad, and you’re not sure why.

All right. The second reason that you want to feel your feelings is because that’s what creates your future. Yes, feelings compel you to take certain actions. And so if you’re watching this on TV, and it has nothing to do with you, but it triggers something that was unresolved within you, like, all right, let me make sure I got this right. Then you’re going to create your future according to the feeling.

So you see it, it makes you sad, now you feel sad, and you create more sadness. What you create in your future comes from what you are feeling today. Okay?

This is why your beliefs are so important. Right now, what’s happening in your life, your current life, the results that you have today, you are experiencing your thoughts. What?

Those thoughts are creating these sensations, which are these emotions, these feelings in your body. When you feel them, you naturally have an action or a reaction. So, you take action according to this feeling, and that is what creates your results today.

So, can you see what I mean by you or experiencing your thoughts? You are experiencing your emotions. That is your actual truth, you can say truth with a big T, today, the results that you get right now. This is powerful stuff.

You don’t really see the value in the depths of this work unless you can look, like, in the inside and really start breaking this stuff apart. Because I hear this all the time. It’s like, “Yeah, I know it’s my thoughts. I know it’s my thoughts.” Especially when I’m coaching coaches. Like, I get it. Like, “Don’t you think I know? Because I’m the one who told you what I was thinking, of course I see it. Of course I know it.”

 And I’m like, “No, if you actually believed that it was your thought and you knew how powerful that thought was, then you would see that you wouldn’t keep doing it, if you actually understood that.” Like, this is just what our brain does, guys. It’s, like, on fire. It’s got this defense and we cannot see our own stuff.

That’s why it’s so important to have someone else holding the coaching space for us, to help us see what we’re not seeing. And we’re so good at bypassing, we’re so good at just changing the thought, and trying to find a thought that feels good, and we forget all about the one that didn’t feel good and we pretend like it’s not there, but it’s still there.

And actually, your action is coming from it, even though it’s not on the forefront. You know, our unconscious is the most important thing in our life. It’s like 95% of our thoughts are unconscious, of our actions are unconscious, of our feelings are unconscious.

Like, imagine this. You get out of bed in the morning. You’re conscious for about five seconds. As soon as you’re brushing your teeth, like you’re on autopilot, right? That’s because your unconscious is running the show. These emotions are coming from unconscious stories. It’s crazy powerful.

So, why is that important? Because you are reacting every time you feel something, and you are creating every time you are acting and reacting. So it’s everything, like absolutely everything is coming from your emotional wellness.

You have to start paying attention to this stuff if you are stifled and stuck in your business, and you’re not creating the success that you want. If you’re not attracting the clients that you want. If you are not having these powerful, intimate relationships and this open communication that you thrive on, or that you are thriving to achieve. Like, if you are not getting those results, this is your work.

Because when you close yourself off to pain, or painful emotions, painful feelings, you are also closing yourself off for pleasure. Remember how you do anything is how you do everything. You can’t just, like, close a part of your heart to say “I will never feel pain again. I’ll never feel distressed again. I will never, like, not be sad again or not be hurt again, so I’m going to close off my emotions.”

No, because you’re closing off all emotions, that includes the contrast which is the joy, pleasure, peace and calm. Can you see that? And so you’re not available to create your actual future the way that you want to design it and the way that you want to see it, because you’ve blocked this off.

This is the hardest work, but it is the most rewarding. And the reason it’s hard is because it’s uncomfortable. That’s it. You just have to get to a point to where you recognize the power behind it, and then be willing to experience all sensations.

The worst that can happen is that you will feel something. The worst that will happen is that you will have a sensation in your body. The worst that will happen is it will take a couple of minutes to resolve, to dissolve, to actually, like, limit its power.

So instead of it being inflamed and creating a reaction in you, it will be neutral, and then you will be acting from a conscious thought and conscious feeling that you create, because you have the ability to do that.

And here’s the thing. When you feel crappy, you create more crappy. When you feel joyful, you can create more joy. Being conscious of what you are feeling, understanding the importance behind it, and then understanding what creates it, is everything.

So, let’s go back to watching the news, and you see something on the news. It’s a story that you say makes you sad. But really, what’s making you sad is your thought about it, how it shouldn’t be this way, and then you’re actually feeling the sad feeling that’s coming from that thought, right? It’s discouraging, it’s disheartening.

And then what happens is you will start taking actions from that place because what it’s done is created this perception in your mind that the world is unsafe, and they’re not being, like, defended or this, you know, shouldn’t be happening. And so your perception is now blurred by these new lenses, which is saying that it’s an unsafe or unfair place to live.

It’s everything. Our perception is like our personal reality, how we see things is how things are to us. So, the power of our thoughts, the power of our emotions, compel us to take the action, which gives us the results all the time, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.

Now, it’s okay, just to know that. I hear that all the time. Many people are talking about it, but the actual steps in order to create new results is what I want to talk about here today.

And so I’m going to give you a couple of takeaways. So, the law of attraction says that you have to fill it to create it. Okay? So, if you’ve turned off, like, painful emotions, and you’ve made yourself unavailable, I don’t want to ever feel love or hurt again, then you’ve actually turned off the emotions to be able to feel intimacy and connection also.

And so if the law of attraction says you have to feel it to create it, and you can’t feel it, then what are you creating? You are regurgitating the same exact scenario that you’re in today, over and over, because it’s the only thing that you can relate to, because it’s the way you perceive life.

And it seems so innocent, right? Like, well, who would do that? Who would create more destruction? Or, who would create more sadness? Because it’s unconsciously done, you don’t realize it. That’s why I want to bring it into your awareness and get you to really, like allow this to sink in.

Be willing to be uncomfortable, to feel some emotions and sensations, so that you can begin to reactivate these feelings in your body. And it’s going to be a little scary. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but are you willing to slow down and feel it, so that it can heal, so you’re no longer taking actions from it?

Slow down. Take a few breaths. Ask questions. What do I feel? Where is it in my body? What is the thought that’s creating this feeling? What was I thinking before it happened? What am I thinking now? Where do I feel that moving up and down in my body? You may feel it in your head, in your arms, in your chest, in your belly, in your throat, in your back.

Like, just slow down. Ask questions, get curious, explore, describe it. Stay with it long enough to get the whole story up. Like, oh, I feel it in my back and it’s, like, on the right side more than the left. Oh, it feels really hot. On a scale of 1 to 10 it’s like got enough pressure that I would say it’s like an 8.

Just start having fun with it. Start describing it, writing it down, exploring it. More than anything else, just really getting curious on, can this feel safe? Am I willing to consider that it is only a sensation and that it really can’t hurt me? But my brain has been telling me stories that it can hurt me.

Am I willing to consider that maybe my brain has been a bully? Maybe it’s been bullying me around and scaring me, and I believed it, so I actually eject it from my body, so that I wouldn’t feel the uncomfortable sensation.

If you are willing to slow down and feel, to ask questions, to get curious, and to explore, and you stay with it long enough as you’re describing it, it will dissolve. It will minimize. It will lighten up. It will start to melt away.

If you are by yourself doing this and it feels ferocious, I will say, like it’s very activated, it’s intense, then you can try tapping it. So that would look like using your index and middle finger, and you could just tap, like on the thymus, or you can tap on the outside of the eye, or the top of the head, or the chin, just kind of tapping very gently, it is safe to feel this.

You can just repeat this. “It is safe to feel the sensations in my body. These sensations feel like…” and then describe them. I am willing to feel these feelings in my body. I’m willing to allow this to process. I am open to integration, like just repeating this to yourself.

And then you can do the actual EFT tapping which is, I feel discomfort in my body. I love and accept myself anyway. I feel unease. It feels like pressure. It feels hot. It feels numb and tingly. I love and accept myself anyway. Even though I feel this pressure in my head, I love and accept myself anyway. Even though this is uncomfortable, I’m willing to stay, I’m willing to consider that I am safe. I love and accept myself, even though I feel this in my body.

Use your own words. Really get in touch with it. Imagine you’re journaling, but you’re verbally journaling. Let whatever comes out just flow from you. You may find tears streaming from your eyes, you may cough, that’s typically a sign of grief if you have a little cough.

I have this very often when I’m helping clients break through old trauma. It can be recent or it can be old, but I find the older it is and the more that it has to do with personal grief, then they’ll have that little clearing of the throat or coughing or hacking. When we’re at retreat and we’re processing as a group, we’ll hear several that cough.

It’s really fascinating to understand the mind-body connection and how these feelings and emotions have been, like, really deeply buried, and it’s got all kinds of story on top of it. And the story is like the shadow, which is saying, “It’s unsafe to feel that.” Like, something really bad is going to happen to you if you allow this to come up.

So what you’re basically doing is you’re hiding in the closet, in the dark, you’re really afraid, but you’re the one that’s holding the doorknob and you’re pulling it shut, and being able to feel it is like shining a light. Like “Hey, it’s okay. Like, let me show you.” And so you’re talking to yourself that way.

Like, let me show you that it’s okay to feel this. Like, let’s turn the light on. Let’s open the door. Let’s see what’s in there. Let’s get curious and see what is in the dark, what has been lurking, what has been hiding, and allow this stuff to unveil over and over and over.

This is like the pain body, the areas, these samskaras, these, like, little marbles in the body, it’s energy spots that are being held, and it’s by these old stories and these old emotions.

But what’s happened is our consciousness, like, has stepped out of the body because it’s uncomfortable and we turn the emotions off. So when I say we put up a wall, we put up a defense, what we’re actually doing is we’re preventing ourselves from feeling the uncomfortable emotions.

And once you realize that it’s just an uncomfortable emotion, it’s just a feeling, a sensation in your body, then you can take a breath and relax. You can just become more mindful, slow down, be willing to feel, get curious and playful.

What’s happening here is you’re turning on more of the feminine side of you, which is that more playful and it’s got this sensual passion, pleasure, you know? It’s like, it could be silly and kind of airy-fairy and floaty.

And, you know, so many of us have been in defense most of our life. We’ve been in survival mode, and so we’ve turned on this masculine, this, like I call this A-liners, it’s like we’re always in the action. Tell me what to do, tell me what to do, tell me what to do, just tell me what to do. I don’t want to feel, I don’t want to think, I just want you to tell me what to do.

And that’s what’s happened, is we’ve actually cut this part of ourselves off, and it’s time for it to come on board, because it’s really where our power and our strength is.

So, that’s your two most important reasons for feeling a feeling is, number one, if you have unresolved triggers in your body, you’re going to react from that place. And what that’s going to do is you are going to say and do things that you really don’t want to, because you’re responding to this trigger, to the way that it feels.

It’s like, you’re doing things that you don’t want to do. You might be over-eating, over-drinking, gambling, telling people off, you know? Cussing in traffic, whatever that looks like. But the thing is, you have to see the power of that, because it’s actually repelling the thing that you do want. Because it’s like pushing. Any time you’re resisting, it’s pushing something away.

So the second reason is you are creating your future from this unconscious emotion, from this unconscious space. And so you’re recreating the exact thing that you don’t want anymore, and this is why so many people stay stuck.

Guys, you have to turn it around. And in order to turn it around, you have to feel it. Otherwise, you’re going to keep getting the same results. So if you’re stuck and stifled in your business, in your health, in your wealth, in your relationships, this is why. It’s these triggers, these old stories, these root emotions, things that are buried in your body, and the way out of it is by feeling through it.

So, here’s the rundown. Slow down. Be willing to feel the sensations. Let it be uncomfortable. Ask questions. Get curious, explore, until it lightens up, until it dissolves. That’s how you know that you’ve gotten resolution.

And what we say is, feelings come up, like especially these old triggers, come up for a better resolution, the resolution that they did not get when it first happened, because the child did not know how to handle them.

And do we carry these around for a lifetime? Like seriously, it affects everything that you do in your business, in your relationship, and the decisions you make as far as your health. Everything is coming from this, so it’s super-important.

All right, I hope that made sense. Let me know if you have any questions. You’re welcome to join the Integrative Life Facebook group. You can reach out to me by email if you’re interested in the coach training or in private one-on-one coaching, especially if you are an entrepreneur and you’re finding yourself stuck and stifled and you’re not getting anywhere.

You’ve been doing this work for 20 years, you know all about soul alignment, you know about emotional processing, you know all about mindset, but something’s still not clicking for you. You’re not getting that breakthrough.

You’re sick and tired of beating your head against the wall, and you’re like, “I just don’t know. I can’t figure it out. I get a little head start and then, I don’t know, it just falls apart. I keep doing this over and over. I’m self-sabotaging. I can see where I’m doing it, but I can’t get past it.” Like, reach out. Set up a consultation. Like, let’s chat about it. All right, until next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset. If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to health, wealth and relationships, head over to www.portal.kimguillory.com, to learn more about the portal. It’s a membership community where we take this work deeper, apply the concepts, and coach around the tough stuff.