Ep #241: THIS is Feeding Your Fear
Welcome to More Than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.
Hey there and welcome back to the show.
I am just returning after a week in Miami, and I am heading out in a couple of days for my birthday. It is my 55th birthday tomorrow, and my girls and I are going to my favorite place. Can you guess?
We are heading to Serenbe. That’s S-E-R-E-N-B-E. It is near Atlanta, near the Atlanta airport, about 20 minutes away. It’s like Mayberry a hundred years from now. It is so amazing. Their whole medical corner thing is like Pilates and Peloton with a gym and a juice bar, and essential oils are their medicine. They have a chiropractor, and this is my favorite spa. So, we have an entire day booked out, and we’re just going to enjoy. We’ve got some great plans; we’re gonna have some fun. And I’m most excited because I’ve actually gotten them to come. I have been so many times. I go two to three times a year, and this is the first time my kids come with me. Well, one, my daughter-in-law has been with me, so not the bulk of us together. So, I’m very excited about that.
So, let’s get into today’s show. I have been unpacking layers of fear, and what I want to talk about today is the thing that is feeding your fear, like why you are staying in fear. And when you figure this one thing out, you will get the results that you want. You’ll stop procrastinating; you’ll stop wishing; you’ll stop thinking about all of the reasons why you aren’t getting your goals met. You’re not getting the results that you want. Are you ready? You want to hear it? I have contemplated probably about 60 hours on this one topic, so I’m really excited to present it to you today.
As many of you know, I am transitioning into or evolving into a new department of my business that I am really excited about. But it is bringing up fear, worry, concern, doubt, all of those emotions. On the other side of those coins is hope, anticipation, excitement. I haven’t been this excited about something that can impact many, many people, I’m talking to the degree of generations, and that’s what I’m most excited about. I wish I could lay out the plan and show you everything. I’ll probably eventually do it on a live webinar video, so you’ll be able to see it. But for today, I want to take you on that exploration of what I have discovered about fear.
Two reasons, and if you can think of another one, let me know; I’ll be happy to add it and change this up. Two things that fear comes from. The first one: someone told you or you experienced something that the mind remembers and continues to warn you about. So, think about it. If you’re a business owner and you want to get more clients or make more money, hire more employees, and you are afraid, where does that message come from? For most of us, this has been indoctrinated for generations. Like, we were told to be careful or this will happen. One of the first thoughts for a business owner, and I work with a lot of business owners, is, “I have to settle for this employee who is half-assing it because I might not find anyone better.” So, there is a fear that came from the experience of having hired people before who were worse than that. Or you’ve talked to someone, maybe you haven’t hired anyone yet, and you’ve talked to someone, and they’ve warned you about all the things that can go wrong when you hire someone. One or the other: either you were told or warned, or you experienced it, or something similar to it already. That is the first reason that fear exists, the fear that is in your life today.
So, if I’ll give you another example: if you want to make an offer to get more clients that you want them into your coaching business or your whatever practitioner you are, and you have the fear that they will tell you no because someone has told you no already, or you are the person who is talking about someone who’s making offers, and you’re talking crap on them, and so then you think it’s going to happen to you because you do it. Or maybe you have heard someone, a friend, a family member, talk about someone who makes offers. “Oh, they’re always selling. I see them online; they’re always pitching. It’s money, money, money. They’re always posting and selling something.” And you allowed that to become your belief. So, that’s the first example of someone telling you or you experiencing it yourself, and that is why this fear exists in your life, in your body, in your mind today because you have a fear of what you’ve been told or what you have experienced is going to happen again.
The second reason that this fear exists is because you want to do something that you’ve never done before. So, you need to become a new identity, which is what’s happening with me in the business. I have to become a person that I have not been before. I’m making offers that I haven’t done before. I have built a brand new container for these people, and I haven’t done that before. I have not taken on hundreds of people from within companies to mentor and train at that capacity that I envision I can do. I have not done that before. And so, there’s like this alert system in your brain, like, warning, warning, warning, warning. You don’t know enough; you haven’t done it; everything’s gonna go wrong; you better watch out, right? All these warnings, I don’t actually have the information that I need because I haven’t done it before, so I don’t have a track record to go back on. I don’t have a model.
And just so you know, this is Kim Guillory’s entire life in business and parenthood. I learned through experience, and so I have never had a roadmap to follow. I’ve always done things in a way that feels good to me. I like to experience it, and then I like to articulate it in a way that makes sense to me, and then I like to teach it from that perspective, which is why some people say I speak a different language. That is because it is not a knockoff; it is not coming from someone else. If it is coming from someone else, I state where it’s coming from. So, most of my content, most of my programs, everything in my business has been created from me.
When I first started Nails and Tanning and hair and ladies’ fitness and we had a water massage bed and massage therapy, yoga, meditation, and then coaching all under one roof, plus a little boutique with jewelry and accessories, that came through experience. I would just do one part, then I was like, you know, it would be a great idea, and I just kept investing and trying, and I did not see that anywhere else. I just kept feeling the needs that I saw. It was something that people wanted; I was willing to take the risk; I was willing to put in the work, and I was willing to try it. Most people aren’t.
So, the second reason that fear exists in your life right now is because you want to do something that you have not done before. And so, you don’t have the confidence, the clarity, the certainty that you can do it because your mind doesn’t have the experience to pull from. So, you need information, maybe you need some knowledge, or at least get some answers, some questions answered so that you can map it out because you don’t have those answers that you need to fill in the blanks. Does that make sense?
First reason fear exists is because someone told you you should be afraid, or something happened in your past, and you continue to hold on to that fear in order to protect yourself. The second is because you don’t have all the information because you haven’t done it before, and you don’t have the experience, and maybe you don’t have a roadmap. You’re making it up as you go. Both of those are in order to protect you, so your brain has come up with this pattern, this mechanism that says, “Don’t do it, don’t try it; you’re going to fail; they’re going to laugh at you; people are going to leave you; they’re going to make fun of you; you’re going to be shamed, embarrassed, ridiculed, talked down on.” And what we do because of those thoughts and beliefs, because of the fear, is we wait.
And that is the answer to today’s show. The thing that feeds fear is time. You wait because you believe if you wait, you will be more confident, you will be more certain, you will be smarter and wiser, and you’ll know exactly what to do. And that is BS. It ain’t true. And the only way to solve this is to pull time forward and to take action now. When do the Mel Robbins thing, right? Five, four, three, two, one, go. That’s it. The sooner, the better. The longer you wait, you grow that muscle of addiction, and it continues to feed the fear.
And so, in order to get out of the fear, you have to get into action. The action is the traction that pulls the results towards you. So, think about these big tires turning in the mud. What are they doing? They’re pulling the mud up; they’re pulling it up to the surface; they’re pulling it up and pulling it in. Action creates the traction that brings the results to you. And that is how you get out of the addictive cycle that fear is looping in your body and in your life.
I can’t even tell you how many thousands of coach sessions I have coached on this. All new business owners, coaches, practitioners, solopreneurs experience this, and because they don’t understand the way the brain is working, the way that the mind is a projector in pulling all this information forward, feeding it to the brain, getting a nervous system response, going into freeze or reactive mode, they’re not taking the action that is the mechanism that needs to change. And you have the power to change it, but first, you have to understand it. So, if we don’t have the awareness, if we don’t have the understanding, we can’t change it.
So, I want to give you that today. Squeeze your toes, draw your breath down into your body, maybe squeeze your hands. Get into your body, big breaths, inhale, exhale. Shake it out. You could do some tapping; you can do some clearing breathing.
(30 seconds, that’s it.)
I am here now. I am here now. And you can do that one breath per word in how I am on the exhale. Inhale here, exhale now. Repeat that four or five times, and you will be here.
Second step: you have to understand it; you have to unpack the layers, the habits, the behavior, the imprints. You have to unpack that so that you can move out of that old habitual way. If you understand it, you can change it. So, you start unpacking it; you start questioning it; you start unraveling, unveiling; you start pulling the layers apart. Wait a minute, is waiting helping me? Do I feel more certain because I waited? Or is waiting and time the addiction that’s feeding the fear that’s keeping me further from doing it? Will action take me there quicker, even though I take 50 action steps and I fall all 50 times?
There’s falling, and there’s failing. I don’t believe they are the same. Think about a kid when they start walking; they fall; they get back up. We don’t tell them they failed; you fell out; you get back up. So, it is falling forward; it is taking action forward; fall, get back up. “Oh, that didn’t go so well; whoa, there’s a big hole right there; watch out, be careful.” Write all the stuff that happens. This is all the old habit telling you to be careful, be careful, be careful, be safe. You won’t; you don’t want to get hurt. Everything is trying to protect yourself.
But what if you didn’t need protecting from it? What if you were safe anyway? Because what your mind is telling you is that, “Oh, if I wait, I’ll be more prepared; I will be safer.” And that ain’t true. You will not be safer. You’re actually losing time, and you’re allowing more opportunity for there to be competition and someone else doing it in the market. The faster you get it to the market, the better chance you have of reaching your goals and getting it into the hands of more people. But you’ve got to take action, and then you’ve got to multiply that action. You’ve got to keep taking it; you have to be consistent, get that traction going.
And the person who does that is the person who’s going to get their goals, the person who’s going to succeed, the one who’s going to get to the finish line. The thing is, 1% to 10% of people will do it. That’s crazy, right? 9% to 99% will not do it. They will not get back up once they fall; they let this fear thing keep them down. And then it’s failing, but it’s only failing because they didn’t get back up. You cannot fail if you continue. If you keep taking action, get your mind straight, get clear on what you want, identify and understand, and then navigate the old habituated behavior. So, what you used to do is stop and wait; what you’re going to do now is you’re going to get clear, and you’re going to take action. That’s the end.
Listen, you really have to normalize and neutralize all that’s going on in your head. Ain’t nothing wrong with you; it’s your brain and your mind doing its job; it’s your nervous system warning you and trying to regulate you. You’ve just got to clean all that clutter up. You’ve got to be able to identify that it’s not you; it’s not yours; it’s something you were told or something you experienced in the past. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again, and it doesn’t mean that they’re right. The only way to know is to continue going. Got to continue going and find out for yourself.
So, presence, understanding, navigating. That’s when you’re going to change the neural pathway; you’re going to change the understanding; you’re going to rewrite the story, and you’re going to have new information because you took new action. Got it? Everybody’s on board? What feeds the fear? Tell me what feeds the fear. Write it down so that you remember. Time. Time feeds the fear. It is an addiction, and you can’t see it, and you don’t know you’re doing it. But once you stop and you replace action, I guarantee you, you will be addicted to the results. Be uncomfortable for a little while; you’ll fall; you’ll get back up; you’ll do it again, and eventually, you’ll have grown the muscle to keep going.
You know, I was talking to a couple of business owners over the weekend, and it’s really interesting because I’ve been in business since 1997, figure it out, I don’t know, 20 something years, and I didn’t have anybody telling me what to do. I don’t even know who put me in charge of that, or parenting, that was kind of crazy. And the only thing that I can say that distinguishes, like, between me and other business owners and what I see in the market today is when we made the decision to go into business, we had to put up a lot of expenses; we had to truly commit. And it wasn’t as easy as like, “Oh, I’m gonna buy a bottle of essential oil, and now I’m a business owner. I got a coach certification, now a business owner.” Boo, if you ain’t making money, you ain’t a business owner. It’s a hobby; it’s something that you do with your time; it’s a charity; it’s something that you give. But a business, if you look up the definition of a business, a business makes money. Let me pull, I need to pull that up, but I don’t want to do it while I’m on here live. And so, maybe it’s about articulating your words differently and calling it something different. Maybe it is okay to call it a side hustle, call it a hobby. But if you want to bring something to the markets, you have to understand that fear is going to show up. And when you feel afraid, the natural thing to do is to pause and wait and try to get better, think you’re going to be more confident.
And I want to challenge you to not do that. Maybe today, if you’re listening to the podcast today, just try it for today or tomorrow or try it for a week. Five, four, three, two, one (credit Mel Robbins). Do it as soon as you hear the thoughts in your head say, “I need to wait, I need to read, I need to learn, I need to research.” As soon as you hear that, I challenge you to take action instead. Call someone, put up a post, send out an email. You can’t just go journal about it; I’m talking, take an action that’s going to get you closer to the results. So, if you need a new customer or client, pick up the phone, call a friend, text someone, put up a post, make an offer, do a free masterclass, or some sort of event that puts you in the position to talk to people about what you do. Promise me. I know I can’t hear you back; I’m just going to keep talking to myself. If you’re listening to this live, say yes; let me know how it goes. I want to help you become more successful; I want you to beat the addiction.
Alcohol does not feel better tomorrow; it doesn’t take you closer to what you want. It’s all little short-term things. Waiting doesn’t take you closer to what you want. Recognize the addictive patterns; understand that fear is false evidence appearing real; it is not real; it’s just some thoughts that someone told you or your experience in the past. Or it’s the lack of information.
If you want to get rid of fear, or if you want to move through fear, take action. Do something. If you fall, get back up. Do something else. Keep going until you get a result and then stay in that momentum. Ten X multiply it, keep going, and cha-ching cha-ching it will show up in your bank account, I promise you.
All right my friends. That’s it for me this week. I think I got one more day to work and I will be hitting the road with the family heading to the spa and hopefully meeting some business owners there. One day, I might even pitch Serenbe to come in and train their staff because I am super passionate about what we can do to up level the employees. Because they really are affecting generations to come. All of those people, there are so many employees really compared to business owners, right? Or entrepreneurs, way more employees, and when we can train them to up level their mindset and their life, and their integrity, and being proud about the work that they do, and contributing to contributing to the world in an amazing impactful way that’s going to impact what’s happening in their home and that is going to impact Humanity as a whole. So that is my goal. This is my intention is to like I want to do this at a 100 times more than what I’m doing today.
So send me some good vibes, some great wishes, and if you want the opportunity to do this with me, send an email to [email protected] and say “I would love to be a part of what you’re doing, I want the opportunity to create impact, I want to help you get this out into the world, or I want to partner with you,” and I will be happy to have a conversation with you.
Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.