Ep #34: Flaw of Attraction

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Well hello again, how are you guys? It is amazing out here. So I rode my bike this morning and it was actually chilly, so it’s like, it’s fall, y’all, with a southern twang. There was barely a breeze but it was super cool and no humidity. That is something to celebrate. I’ve been spending most of my spare time laying in the grass, walking in the woods, and riding my bike at the park. This is my favorite time of year and I welcome it.

Anyway, I’ve got a really good one for you today. We are going to talk about the flaw if attraction. Yeah, so there’s the law of attraction, and then there’s the flaw of the law of attraction. So you know me, the punch line coach, it’s all about getting to the nitty-gritty and let’s just wrap it all up and just say, it is the flaw of attraction. It’s what goes wrong.

There’s nothing wrong with the law of attraction. That’s real. If you can imagine it, you can have it. That’s the concept. It’s all about what we believe, what we think, what we feel, what we attract into our life, okay. So we create our reality.

Now, let’s talk will. We’ll talk about free will. So this is almost like a little, in my opinion, a little cosmic joke. So, we have the free will to do whatever we want to do, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to get what we want to get because I believe, and you get to decide what you believe, but I believe there is a will greater than mine that’s actually orchestrating things.

And it is my job to get rid of, to decondition, to move away from what is not the real me so that I can get in alignment with the essence of who I truly am, the real me. and then once I come into alignment with that, then our wills will align and I will start moving forward in the flow of attraction, right?

We miss that part because we live in the mind 95% of the time. We believe our mind.  We believe that our brain is our friend, but it’s not. Our brain is our protector. It’s job is to solve problems to keep us safe and alive.

Now, surely we want it to be our friend, but when we’re trying to advance, to move forward, to create something new, its job is to keep things familiar, in a way that it understands to keep us safe, to keep us small.  Like, don’t go out there, don’t do that, that’s scary, you could get hurt, like those kinds of things.

And so what we have come up with as we were growing up are these little rules, and we lock them into our unconscious. Like certain things happened in our life, we didn’t know how to process the emotion, so there was a time and space where we believe something. And we got hurt. We were sadly taken down in some sort of way and disappointed by civilians, by people, by humanity, by all the things, right.

And so we set up this unconscious wall that would keep us protected and safe and our brain is like the military. It’s making sure that never happens again. You remember, Kim, you remember when you did that, remember, they all left you, no one wanted to talk to you, they said things about you, they wrote things on the bathroom wall, they left you, whatever it is that we create, that story, whatever the scariest thing has been is what we are so afraid to relive.

I call this our shadow self. It’s the darkness. It’s the shame. It’s the thing you don’t want anyone to know about and you never ever want it to happen again, even if your life depends on it. And when I say your life depends on it, I mean like you advancing in your life in wholeness and happiness and joy and pleasure and having more, because, guys, that is our life.

If you’re not feeling joy and happiness, growth, if you’re not evolving, if you’re not expanding and exploring, there’s just not a whole lot else to life. Like, I’m kind of afraid that we could die of boredom. This is valid.

I live out here in the country in this rural area and it is, like, really laid back and quiet and serene, which is great for vacation, but living here every single day when you have an active mind and you like to be challenged and you like to grow, it’s kind of hard. It’s kind of hard to have things just the same all the time.

I’m not necessarily afraid of challenges as much as I’m afraid of boredom, especially when you’re living in the same environment and the same thing keeps happening over and over and over and so there’s no more surprises. And so it’s like, yeah, whatever, I don’t even need to listen anymore because it always ends the same, that kind of boredom.

So I would just ask you to question your brain, what is it really protecting you from? What is life to you? Because if boredom feels like death, you know, it feels like, I’m not so sure I’m living, I’m not very satisfied and fulfilled, then what is it that it’s truly protecting you from? It’s kind of a bully. Your brain is kind of a bully. It kind of tells you a lot of things so that you don’t go out there and do scary things so you don’t fall flat on your face. I’m like, fall flat on your face, it’s okay. It’s kind of fun.

You can actually explore and find more ways to do it. And you know what happens in the meantime? You make a lot of money, you have a lot of fun, you help a lot of clients, and you create an impact. It’s okay to fall, as long as we get back up. Do you know any little babies who just fell the first time they tried to walk and never go back up? They’re just like, no, I’m just going to sit here the rest of my life, not doing it?

No, because they haven’t been conditioned to give up. They haven’t been conditioned or they haven’t been taught that it’s okay just to stay sitting. They’re like, come on get back up, let’s go. Even if you don’t tell them that, their innate ability to grow gets up and does it, even though no one’s egging them on and teaching them. They just get up and do it.

We see this all the time. We see this in nature, we see this in humanity. That part of us, that really deep core part of us, our essence, our soul, that important part of us, it knows that it’s here for growth and expansion and experience.

As a matter of fact, we’ve signed up for this life. We’ve signed up to explore and to see and, I don’t know, it’s like it can’t possibly be all about being safe, paying bills, having this planned vacation we do every five years or let’s make sure we have this neat little safety pile in case things go wrong and we’ll retire when we’re 60 And we’ll feed the birds, and then we’ll die. That was an amazing life, right?

No, no, no, no, it can’t possibly be all that. So, with the law of attraction, it’s all about creating the experience that you, capital YOU, the true you self has signed up for; the people you meet, the things you do, the things that you create, your service to the world, how you show up, the example you become.

I love to think about it as reaching potentiality and possibility is available for all of humanity; not some of humanity but all of humanity. There is not one person that is not better than the other and it is available for all of us. And so you will have people who don’t want better and you will have people who don’t believe they can have better, and then you will have people who will not settle. They’re going to go for the better.

And that’s all a fine and beautiful thing. We have that option. That’s our free will. Now, here’s the thing. If you were meant for more – which here’s the secret, you absolutely were – if you were meant for more and your free will is saying, no I’m not going to because I was hurt when I was five or when I was 12 and I don’t ever want to live through that pain again, because your mind is telling you that it needs to protect you and your will is saying, I really want more, your soul is dying to expand and explore, then you’re going to have this dissonance. You’re going to have this dissatisfaction, this unfulfillment.

You’re going to have this frustration. Your body is going to begin to physically manifest some sorts of illness and these conditions and disease. And because it’s not in alignment with who you truly are, and if the inner parts of you want more and the outer parts of you, thee mind, is saying no, then it’s going to be expressed in your physical life, in your health, in your wealth, and in your relationships because you’re going to be kind of moody, dude.

If you are not being all that you can be and you’re unsatisfied, you’re going to be rigid.  You’re going to be stiff and you will not be fun. Not fun. I’m telling you, it’s funner to fail than it is to give up and to not do it. It just is. Take it from me. I have plenty of experience in it.

Alright, so if only 5% of you is in awareness and 95% of you is coming from the mind, from the not you self, can you imagine that you can attract what you really want? No, that’s why I’m calling it the flaw of attraction because the greater part of you is coming from the mind and the mind doesn’t believe. The mind’s full of BS, that’s the belief system, that’s the conditioning, the patterns, the money doesn’t grow on trees, you can’t have that, that’s not for people like us, that’s for rich people, you can’t go on vacation, who are you to do all of that?

My husband and I had a big conversation about that yesterday because he’s retired, and he’s 11 years older than I am and neither one of us grew up with money, so we both understand poverty and we understand struggle and strife and lots of stuff. We’ve experienced many human detriments.

He’s experienced divorce. I’ve experienced being pregnant with no dad as a teenager and a house fire and not having any insurance and having to start all over. We’ve experienced her kids, his kids, like all of this stuff. I’ve been in business for 20-something years, he’s been working at the same company for 38 years. So we’ve experienced all of the human things, all of the worldly things.

And a lot of it was really, really tough and we came in with the story that it was supposed to be hard and then we experienced hard, and then our new belief became, it’s just hard. It’s tough out there. And if you can survive it, you’re really lucky and you should be grateful for that and you should take advantage of that and you should not risk it and you should not expect for a whole lot more. Can any of you agree? Can you relate to what I’m saying?

So we were talking and he was like, you know, you just go wherever you want and you just do and you don’t worry about it and I’m here and I have to take care of all of this and I can’t spend money like you do. And I’m like, hold on, these are your beliefs. What do you mean you can’t? Like, it’s our money. It’s in the checking – it’s right there for both of us. You could do whatever you want.

And it was this, I wasn’t raised that way. And listen, we shouldn’t take advantage of that. There are so many people that don’t have anything. And I’m like, here it I, guys, here it is right here in my own home. I was hearing it again. This is what I hear from my coaches. This is what I hear from my clients. It’s this conditioning. It’s like it comes from the great grandparents and grandparents and parents and all the way down from the great depression and from the suffering and the struggling and it is not like that today.

My kids make over six figures.  They have an amazing life. They did not have to experience all of the detriment that we did in order to get there.  It’s just the story telling us that. It’s the illusion telling us that. So if your belief system is aligned with what you were brought up in, that unconscious story of it has to be hard, you must struggle, you need to be careful, you could lose everything, you shouldn’t spend, you shouldn’t have pleasure, like all of those things, if that is your belief system then you are not actually in the law of attraction. You’re in the flaw of attraction.

Now, I’m going to take this down one more level. If you’re trying to take that belief system and you’re trying to add a positive affirmation to it and taking the action from the positive affirmation but you don’t really feel it – that’s where the F comes from. So, law of attraction without the feeling is the flaw of attraction. Law of attraction without the feeling vibration of the required belief is the flaw of attraction.

So just remind yourself, by looking at the F, the feeling is required in order to be in the law of attraction because you have to feel it in the vibrational field. You have to believe it so deeply. So there’s layers of belief and affirmations and thought work is just one layer. I think it, therefore I become it, is not always true. If you think it and don’t feel it, you will not become it.

You will just become a thinker of the law and you will go through a whole lot of struggle and frustration in trying to figure it out because you’re not in the vibration of it. And so the thought needs to be aligned with the feeling so that you can take the required action because here it is. If you say it and you don’t really believe it, the action you take is from the flawed belief system. And so you’re actually going to attract the flaw of attraction.

I love having word affairs. This is so fun. Alright, got it? I’m going to just bring it all in for you. The law of attraction is creating the future that you want, that is your free will aligned with the greater will outside of you. That’s the big guy, right, that’s the divine. That’s the leader, the master of the universe. Your job is to decondition, to get rid of thee limited beliefs, the conditions, the generational patterns, societal systems, to get rid of those so you can tap into the natural essence of who you are as a soul being.

Once that’s in alignment and you truly believe that you are lovable, you are enough. You are worthy, you are deserving, once you truly believe that and you feel it in your bones, talking belief in the bones, we’re going to make some bone broths of belief, you got it? It’s got to be that strong for it to truly be the law of attraction.

So, you’re deconditioned, you’re in alignment with soul essence. You’re in alignment with the greater will, so your will, the greater will is lined up. You feel it in your bones, you have belief in your bones. If you feel this way, you feel lovable, you feel enough, you feel worthy, you feel deserving, what are the actions that you’re going to take?

They’re going to be way more deserving, way kinder, way more belief-like because you will be able to put yourself into the position of already feeling it, then you will be able to create it from there. So I call this cultivating it as if it already were.

So you come into the belief that you can have the thing that you’re creating. You think it, you feel it, and you take the actions as if it already were so, like, every decision you make comes from your future self that has already created it. That makes sense. That little F, that vibrational, that feeling, that sensation in your body seems so innocent.

But here’s the thing; we’ve been taught to turn it off.  What? Yes. How many of us were taught not to feel? You shouldn’t feel that. That’s crazy. We’ve got to turn this back on. So if you want to really tap into the law of attraction, you’ve got to do this inner work and you’ve got to resolve those old traumas and crises, those unfelt perceptions. That’s what that sensation is. That’s what those emotions are.

Something happened early on in your life. You didn’t know how to feel it, you didn’t know how to handle it, no one supported you, no one showed you the power that was within it for one thing because they didn’t know. We did not go to our parents and tell them that they were bad. It’s not how this works.

It’s actually about the way we are evolving.  We came into the world as a physical being with the five sensations plus intuition. The intuition is the feeling, but it’s not one of the five sensations that we were taught in school and it’s not part of the basic foundation of the physical self, right?

We were taught how to use our mind, how to solve problems with our mind, how to think our way into and out of things. Now, after that s an adult, we have this emotional development, and that is what I am teaching you about. That’s what all of this podcast is about. That’s the more than mindset approach.

It’s not just about the way you think. How you think determines how you’re going to feel. How you feel drives the actions you take that gives you the results that you’re living with today.  So if you are living in scarcity, you don’t believe that health and wealth and love is available for you, that is scarcity. Does that make sense?

So if you are living in lack, you are not living from the authentic self because we are not here to live in lack. So much more. But the conditions, the patterns, those old beliefs that are in your mind are running the show and it feels like death to get rid of them.

There’s aggrieving process when you die to all of those silly little stories because there’s so much emotional manipulation and fear behind them. That is why most people do not transform and do not evolve and do not change because it feels like the pain of change is not worth the prize because you can’t visualize the prize and you can’t get the proof of concept of the prize because you can’t feel to get into the vibration to receive the prize. That, my friends, is the flaw of attraction. That is why it’s not happening for you.

And it’s not as easy as I’m just going to go in there and feel in and turn it on. I do this work on such a deep level. I work with clients six months, 12 months, 18 months, some of them for four years. Like, it is an ongoing process, even the ones who have done their inner work in the past. They’ve done all the spiritual work, they’ve done all the programs. They are self-help junkies. Beautiful, I love that, I love them, but they have to go in and turn on the emotional centers that they’ve been avoiding, which is very, very scary because the military, the brain is keeping up the wall, the mind.

So there’s this agreement between the brain and the mind that’s got this militant wall to stop any harm from coming through. And in order for them to drop that, we have to get into the nervous system. We have to get them into a relaxed state so that we can get into the unconscious because the barricade is too bold. They have built the wall. The wall is super strong.

It just so happens, that’s the gift I bring to the world. That’s my unique gift. That’s what I am amazing at is holding the space and having this little dance, this shadow dancing, this playing in between. There’s an edge. Any of you can turn this on, but you have to do the work within yourself first, right? We all have intuition. We can all play the edge and play the field, but you’ve got to do your personal work first. And that’s why my coach program starts with personal work. It’s all about the personal transformation.

So I see all of these coaches trying to help their clients get the breakthrough, but they haven’t gotten the breakthrough themselves because their wall is up, the defense is up, they’re afraid to fail. They’re afraid to be seen in a vulnerable position. They’re afraid to experience shame. They’re afraid to be known for what, they’re called deficits, because that’s what it is in their mind, the things that they’re not so great at, the things that they feel are going to be defeated by or have been defeated by.

They keep that on the forefront and think going out and fixing other people is going to fix them and it doesn’t, that’s where the people-pleasing and the codependency and the narcissism, that’s where all that behavior comes from. That’s why I was talking about that on the last few episodes. So if you haven’t heard that yet, go back to the last couple of episodes.

So you’ll see these coaches, these leaders or these motivators come in and they want to help and heal the world. But what they’re doing is they’re trying to heal themselves by healing the world. So they see their issue, their problem, it’s reflected in the world, it’s projected, and then they try to fix it because we’re just mirrors for each other. We’re just the soul essence in a body suit and then we show up with different characteristics and different personalities and we show each other our stuff.

We either inspire each other or we annoy each other. But either way, you’re seeing your own stuff in the other person. That’s why this work helps to improve relationships because then you can let them off of the hook and you can go inside and you can do your own work, because what our world is lacking is personal responsibility.

So, the law of attraction is when you’re in a complete alignment, you’ve been deconditioned, you’ve unveiled the old story, you’ve dismantled the unconscious story and you’re living in consciousness and you are in alignment with who you truly are as a soul being. Your will is aligned with the greater will outside of you and then you are flowing, the flow of attraction. It’s all downstream, beautiful, everything’s going amazing.

When you get out of alignment, you will feel that little shift. It feels like you’re starting to grab and struggle again. That’s how you know that your unconscious story has come back in. And so those are the signs that you look for.

The flaw of attraction is when you’re trying to use positive affirmations, you’re using a negative to try and create a positive. It will not work because you’ve got to tap into the emotions. The emotions have to be in alignment with the thoughts, so you have to think and feel so that you can take the actions and create the results.

Now, listen, I’m not saying that you can’t get something done up until this point. You can. But then you hit a brick wall when you try to expand further. So I work with a lot of highly successful individuals and what happens with them is they already know how to make money, they have already created a business, they already have a practice, but then they want to upscale. They want to go bigger, they want to have their clients go deeper and they can’t take them there, and it’s because they haven’t gotten there and it’s because it’s time for them to do their work.

So they’ve gotten by just fine. Some of these people are 40, 50, 60 years old. They’ve survived. They haven’t thrived in the way that they can and they’re being called to greatness and those are my people. I’m like, bring the troops. I am happy to take them through boot camp, get them on the frontline to go out and help other people. We are the military. That is us.

We are those leaders, healers, coaches that hold the space for self-healing to happen with our clients. It is not us who heals them. It is not our energy or our self. That’s where that people-pleasing stuff comes in. That’s why so many coaches are exhausted is because they’re trying to use all of their energy and all of their power and all of their knowledge to try to change their clients, to try to get them to do something different.

It feels like a really heavy, convincing energy. You’re just like, they just don’t get it, they don’t want it. Why don’t you just want to get this, right? You’ve got this really… and that’s your work, my friend. That is not their work. Alright, so, if this is you and you’re ready to move to the next level, you should find me.

So, that’s it for today. We’re going to keep moving forward in this kind of similar topic because I really want to drive in this you do not have to people-please. You do not have to use your own energy. You don’t have to exhaust yourself or beat your head against a brick wall or convince people.

We want to really tap into the authentic you so that you can live your life’s legacy as an integrated being in your natural essence, in ease, flow, and joy. I want to help you to create more freedom and flexibility in your life, where we have more pleasure. Guys, we’ve got to talk about pleasure. I have a whole new series coming out about that.  Alright, until next week…

Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.