Ep #38: Freedom to Feel Depression

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey people, how are you? It is amazing weather out here in Louisiana, guys. I have been hanging out in the sun, laying in the grass. There’s a few mosquitoes. That’s the only problem. But this is my favorite. My absolute number one, if I could choose any temperature in the world would be 74 degrees with a little cool breeze and warm sunshine. Perfection.

Anyway, today we are going to talk about creating more joy, ease, and being in your life and your business. I just did a Facebook Live on this. So for those who follow me on social media, you know that the month of October, I have been doing a free entrepreneur training for the entire month.

And so I come on and I do a Live on questions that are submitted to me through email or posted on my Facebook, or just from my coaches in general, all about how to create or launch a business. A successful business.

So I work with a lot of coaches and therapists – well, I train coaches, so it’s that point where after they’re trained and they’re moving from a brick and mortar kind of business into the online business. So if we start with the foundation of what does it take, you have to kind of know the difference between the two.

And this creates a lot of nervousness and anxiety and putting yourself out there. It’s kind of like – I was saying on a previous podcast, it’s like trying to scream to the ocean instead of just talking to the pond. It’s like so big and you can’t really see who’s there and what’s going on, so you’re kind of just shooting stuff in the dark, and it takes a whole lot of nerve and personal growth to get to that point.

So when we finish the actual training and they’re very clear about what they do and they’re super confident about their skill, the next layer is to sift through scarcity, doubt, fear of what other people are going to think. Because guys, this is not a little simple program. This is a transformational experience.

They come in thinking one way and we completely dissolve all that is not authentically soul essence and being. In other word, conditioning patterns, societal system, generational behavior, all of that stuff is stripped away. And when they complete this program, they are standing in this authority of the soul essence, of the person, the being, the spirituality of who they truly are and then we integrate that with their previous skills and the coach training and they take the work out into the world on the material plane.

It’s pretty big. So the confidence is there. They know exactly how to use these tools. They’ve been personally transformed, they have the experience. They know what they’re up against because they have been through it themselves. So there is no imposter syndrome that comes about because you haven’t truly had the transformation and you feel like you’re trying to change other people when you haven’t experienced yourself. There’s no doubt about that.

They have truly been through the ringer. They can all tell you. You can just reach out and say, who has done the Integrative Coach Training and tell me your experience. So once they start to put themselves out there, then all of this other stuff starts coming up.

And instead of being in the state of joy and ease and being, or even freedom of expression, there’s this worry. And the worry is coming from judgment and comparison. What will they think? What should I be saying? How should I present this? I’m worried about what my family says, I’m worried about what my friends and they won’t be able to relate to me. I’m different.

And this for sure happens. It’s like an identity crisis. And the difference is the real identity is what’s coming forward. And so you’ve been a fake person. So the person that they relate to is not even real. It’s an ideal of what you thought you were. That’s how it gets all messy in here.

Anyway, so what I want to do today is talk to you about creating more of this joy, ease, and being. Like the freedom to be. All of you. All of you that has come forward, all of you that you have been hiding underneath the rubble and the experiences of life. All of you that has come beyond the crisis and the trauma and the recovery and the transformation.

And not be ashamed of that. To fully stand in the power and authority of who you are as a soul being, who you are as a service provider of the work. So you become the example. You become the results of the work that you have been taken through and the work that you’re offering the world.

And so this works really well for – like, the spiritual healer can understand what I’m saying. But when you’re just talking about just the life coach, just a health coach, we’re trained in different ways. So I’ve done both trainings. What I’m doing here is an integrative coach.

And so I integrate all health aspects. Mental, emotional, physical, financial, occupational, intellectual, your relationships, your personal growth, all of that is your health. So I do that from a health coach perspective. But then from the life coach perspective, I really ground you in mindset because we all know this.

We become the results of what we think. We think it, therefore we become it. And it’s all because we feel it. Whatever we think we feel, and then we take action from the way that we feel. And so if you are not feeling joy and ease and freedom to be in your business, it’s because of your thoughts. That is true.

But it’s also because of your judgment and comparison, which are your thoughts, about other people. So it’s not just what you think about yourself. It’s that shame of your medicine. Shame of calling yourself like, a spiritual healer or a coach or whatever your medicine is. And I use the word medicine, I throw it around like – it could land anywhere.

You think about when you are running a fever and your mom gave you Tylenol. That was your medicine. It was the thing that calms the ailments. And so it’s the same thing when I’m talking about medicine in the spiritual world or in the coaching world, in the transformation, whatever it is. It’s the medicine is what the coach brings to the table.

And that is likely what they have transformed from, whether it’s overcoming shame or fear or doubt or abuse, neglect, sexual trauma, whatever they are bringing to the table to help you transform is their medicine. And I’ve noticed the reason that they do not have joy and ease and the freedom of being is because there is a shame about the medicine.

It’s like niche shame. Like for me, I talk about a lot of things under the rug. I talk about rape. I talk about divorce. I talk about suicide. And all of the things, abortion, that people are afraid to talk about and so they act like it doesn’t exist, which is like burying our head in the sand or throwing the dirt under the rug. Putting the rug on top.

But guys, that is denying humanity. It is denying emotion, painful emotion that comes from those events. And so, so many people now, especially through the healthcare system and the religious system, you kind of don’t have a place to belong if you’ve sinned or if you’ve done wrong or if you’ve inflicted because there’s this judgment.

And I think that’s where the shame is coming from, so I’m going to use an example today because I teach better through analogies. And I want to use the example of depression. So I do work with a lot of individuals who come in with – they’re highly-functioning individuals and they do really well in business, but their personal life is preventing them from taking their business further.

So there’s a lot of depression and chronic pain, they have illness and disease, and that’s coming on from this sort of stifling of emotions. So what’s happening is they are repressing, which is – repression is an action. And it’s the thing that you do to prevent a feeling. It’s a way you deny emotion.

And then we have suppression. This is a noun. And suppression is like you force or put an end to the feeling, to the sensation, to the emotion. And then we talk about oppression, and oppression is like this prolonged cruelty. It’s unjust subjection to this certain kind of treatment and it’s this mental pressure and distress or distress.

So oppression is like the environment or the thing that happens. Oppression is a subjective treatment. It is the way it is oppressed. We live in oppression. I find here, where I live especially, I’m wondering if the land is not oppressed. And we’re in financial oppression, in relationships, we’re still in the he tells you what she can do kind of thing. It’s still that war between the feminine and the masculine.

And that is oppression. You listen to what I have to tell you and you believe this certain way, and if you don’t, I will use emotional manipulation. I will punish you, I will reject you, I will deny you, not talk to you, whatever that is. So that is oppression. When you are being controlled by an action and it’s almost like a disciplinary measure. You’re oppressed.

And so there’s actually the state of oppression. So the reason I want to speak about this and I’m really breaking it down to all of this repression, suppression, oppression is because I’m leading to depression. So this was something I battled with.

Oh my god, I got the diagnosis of depression so long ago and I truly believed it. And because my mom abandoned me and then she kind of went on and did whatever, she left her kids, and so for sure, she must have been depressed. She must have been mental, there must have been something wrong with her. I’m sure the doctors would call her bipolar.

They love to flip labels around and put a tag on and give them some medication and send them off into the world rather than really digging up the root cause of why is the behavior happening at all? Like, why are these results – why do people feel depressed?

Well, if you’re oppressed, I promise you honey, you are going to feel depressed. It’s pretty crappy. And the same thing with if you are repressing emotion, then you’re actually preventing your actual feelings. So you are denying yourself. So hell yeah, you’re going to feel depressed.

And if you are suppressing, then you’re actually forcibly putting an end to what you are feeling, so yes, you’re going to feel depressed. And so my question to you is, is depression a label, a diagnosis? Or is depression a feeling, describes a feeling of sadness, of hopelessness, of disappointment? Or is depression a result?

Now of course, I’m just going to leave some questions here because I want you to think about it. Because I don’t claim to be the guru or the person that everyone needs to come to me to ask. It’s all about what do you believe because that’s truly what matters.

What I teach my coaches is now to stand in their own authority. I am not the one setting rules and telling them what to do and how to behave and how to set their programs. I’m the one telling them what they are not and I’m defending – I am an advocate for the higher self that is within them. The natural soul essence that has come to this world to bring something forward in service. I defend, I advocate for that.

And so the rest of it is just a story. It’s just the program, it’s just the old beliefs that have been passed down. That stuff is what we have to get rid of and we chisel away, we crack, crack, crack, peel away, remove, unveil, unravel, unlayer, so that we can discover and identify the true soul essence and that authority and service that’s coming forward.

I call this your unique gift. What are you equipped with from divine, from god, from whatever word you want to use, again, I don’t put labels. I don’t work by labels and I don’t assume labels. And so wherever you tap into that force that is greater than you, that energy that is beyond all that wheel that has control of everything, you have been equipped with something.

You are someone. This is not in some of us. It is in all of us. Every single one of us has a unique gift. And that unique gift might be to serve a certain position for someone else. So we want to tap into that and if you were really clear about what that was and you were really confident, and I call this the Joan of Arc energy.

You truly believed and felt this to the bone. Like I’m talking bone marrow belief. Then you wouldn’t be so concerned about the judgment, the condemnation, the comparison or opinions of other people because you would be in your authority of who you are as a soul being and you would just be Joan of Arc-ing it. You would just be getting out there and doing your work.

Because the reason that most leaders are sick is because they are stifling their magnificence, their excellence, their – whatever their brilliance is because they’re afraid either they don’t measure up or they’re afraid they’re going to be too big for the environment that they serve in.

And so if you’ve been told you’re too big for your britches, you better come down off that pedestal, who do you think you are? And that’s what I’m talking about when someone says that I’m trying to be a guru or a teacher, or I’m the person who knows all, never. I’ve never claimed that. Why would I claim that?

I am the authority who helps to chisel away for you to find the authority. Now that I will claim. I have no problem with that whatsoever. I think the teachings of Christ have been distorted. I think Jesus came to teach us how to be better humans.

He came to teach us not to judge, not to compare. He came to teach us that all of humanity was valid. That sin was of human nature. Whatever you want to call sin is your judgment. It is your label and it comes from your perception and it comes from your upbringing. How you were taught to believe what is sin.

And this drives me bonkers. I’m doing a whole series on this, on people who are not living in their power because they’ve been labeled, diagnosed, put down, scarlet-lettered about a sin that’s actually not even a sin. It’s just a perception. Anyway, I’m actually laughing. I’m not mad.

So I want to help my clients, my coaches, health and wellness leaders, I want to help you step into your authority and run your business with more joy, ease, and being. I want you to have that freedom to be who you are.

So I’m going to take this back to the example that I wanted to give you and that is we have repression, so that is the preventing a feeling from being had. It is denial. Don’t know what to do with this, my mom told me I shouldn’t cry, I shouldn’t feel that way, my dad told me to go in the room and hide it until I could come out and not do it or whatever it is. Guys, you know what I’m talking about.

It’s you shouldn’t act this certain way and then here’s the human experience, here’s the child who’s having a very pure and natural human experience and they’re feeling sad, they’re feeling angry, they’re feeling annoyed, and they’re being told by the adult, by the program, to turn it off, it’s not valid, you shouldn’t feel that way, you are not a human. You need to go hide until you’re not a human anymore.

Y’all, really? Let’s call out the BS. That’s a belief system. But that’s why people repress. It’s also why people have chronic pain, illness, and disease. It’s also why people are broke and why people’s relationships are broken. And why people are not confident. All of this is because of that story.

So if you need to rewind this and hear that again, I can say it again and again and again, but you have it hear so just rewind and listen to it as many times as you need for you to see it in a different perception.

So the suppression is actually when you’ve become the adult and you forcibly put an end to it. So you’re going to cry and you stifle. Put an end to it so you don’t feel it. You force it away. You’re really sad, you’re really disappointed, but you – what? What did I tell you about last week? You mentally bypass and you convince yourself that you don’t feel it. You put an end, push it down, suppress it.

Oppression is when you live in the environment of someone telling you to do that. To repress and to suppress. The oppression comes from the tribe, it comes from the partner, it comes from your parents, it comes from the community, it comes from the environment that you serve in that oppression is a state of being.

When I looked it up, the actual definition is prolonged cruelty, unjust subject treatment. Mental pressure and distress. So tell me guys, do you live in a state of oppression? Because this is what I believe. We live in a state of oppression and our thought is, it is not safe to be my human self. It is not safe to feel, it is not safe to believe what I feel, it is not safe to hear and believe what my body is signaling to me. It is not safe.

And then I feel and think about what you feel. When you don’t feel safe to express, safe to feel, safe to be a human because healthcare and religion and society is telling you that it’s wrong and you don’t feel safe, you will feel doubt, you will feel unclear, what else? Think about it.

Doubt, fear, here it is. I’m about to tell you. You ready? Shame. You will feel ashamed because you’re being denied your natural humanity. Your emotions. And when you feel ashamed, what action do you take? You hide, you become small, you try to dial in who you are.

You want to know why there’s so much breast cancer and throat cancer and thyroid disease? Because your throat is you standing in your authority and speaking. That is your voice. That is actually how you communicate and express yourself.

But because you have shame and you have shut off these communication centers and you are hiding who you truly are, and you’re worried about what people say and think because you’ve been told your entire life you should not feel that way, you should not think that way, you should not do that, you should not, you should not, you should not, you’ve taken that story into adulthood and now you’re taking it into your business.

And when you hide and you’re not authentic and you don’t put yourself out there, what is the results that you get? I’m disconnected, I don’t belong, no one listens to me, they don’t hear me, and that is because you are not hearing you. That is because you are not seeing you and that is because you are not allowing you to be all of you.

And the result is depression. I believe depression is a state of being that is brought on by the action of repression, the state of suppression and oppression creates depression. It creates a stifling of humanity, of soul essence, and that is what you are so it’s a denial of yourself.

And when you are denying yourself, you will not be in a state of joy, ease, or a state of being in freedom. Because if you felt the freedom to be yourself, you would be in joy and ease because it would be very easy to be yourself. But by disengaging and by becoming passive and dismissive, you actually create the state of depression.

Think about teenagers. You guys have teenagers? Think about trying to talk to your teenagers and they’re passive and dismissive and they disengage. Use that as a mirror and ask yourself, where am I disengaging? Where am I not being open? Where am I not listening?

Ask yourself the question and just notice that how we do anything is how we do everything and these mirrors pop up everywhere. And they pop up for us, for our awareness, for our awakening.

And if you can see this and you can step into a state of safety to be yourself, to be willing to have these stories chiseled away, peeled away, chipped away, if you were willing to release the program, to let go of the old patterns and conditioning of the generational systems and society’s structures, if you were willing to step away from that and step in full authority of who you are as a soul being, as a child, a creation of god, of divine, and an example of Christ or whatever you choose whose your leader, whose your teacher, whose your person that you look up to.

How can you be an example of their work? Because the work I teach is an example of Christ consciousness. All of this time, all of the pain and suffering and all of the teachings have been about this. It’s how can we have this soul essence experience on this earthly plane. How can we bridge the third dimension and the fifth dimension?

This is where we are right now. In this time and space, we’re right here on the bridge and we have this lull happening as we dive in and up and in and up, and we bring it with us. I have another example but I’m running out of time so I can just share it with you later.

But I just want you to really sit with this today and see if you can notice where it’s truly you being yourself and where it’s a program that you have to act a certain way because of society, because of your environment, because of your parents, because of the system.

And then ask yourself why you’re not putting yourself out there and is it shame because you were taught to be ashamed of your humanity? You were taught to turn it off, to hide it, to suppress it, to repress it, to whatever. Because it was not okay to feel it because it could be the story that’s driving this bigger story because it just follows us.

It’s kind of like if you leave this husband and you just marry another, you’re just going to take the same problems. You just assume work it all out, it’s not saying you have to stay if you’re in an oppressed situation, but at least open your eyes to see what’s happening. See where the oppression is and see where you are responsible.

Because this is you. You don’t get to blame anyone else. This is all you and all of the changes happen within you. The repression is your choice, the suppression is your choice, the living in the state of oppression is your choice and I believe depression is also because I truly believe that depression is the result.

Let me know what you think. If you know someone else could benefit from listening to this, please share. I ask you to follow, to comment, to let other people know about the podcast. We just changed it and I absolutely love it. We’ve opened up the coaches portal, which is really fun.

So if you’re a health and wellness practitioner and you are interested in the practical coach training that I offer and implementing some of this in your practice so you can help your clients go deeper, so you can create more impact, so you can make more money, I am here for you. Reach out. Let me know.

The registration is now open. I will be happy to talk with you. You can go to kimguillory.com. Book now and set up a call. I’d love to hear from you. If you want to hop into our free group, it’s called the Integrative Life on Facebook. You’re welcome to hop in. Come over and meet me. Have a visit, let me know you’ve been listening to the podcast. Alright, until next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset. If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to health, wealth, and relationships, head over to www.portal.kimguillory.com to learn more about the portal.  It’s a membership community where we take this work deeper, apply the concepts, and coach around the tough stuff.