#208: Growth Risks
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Hey, welcome. Alrighty guys, today we are talking about growth risk, the risk that you have to face surrounding growth. Whether you choose to grow or not, it’s a risk either way. Which one will you choose?
So, I am just returning from Florida, and I am back settled into my routine. Just so you know, a little personal thing, here I am on 100 days of Peloton.
And so, I am on week eight that I am on a workout routine every single day for 100 days. It’s really fascinating excuses that come up, the things that I tell myself and the confidence that I have grown in trusting myself. So, if you tend to lack confidence or certainty, and you want to trust yourself more, set yourself a goal that you have to work at on a regular basis that requires commitment and discipline, and that is the fastest track to self-confidence because when you can prove it to yourself that you can do it, you won’t need anyone else to validate it or approve.
Alright, so let’s get on with the show. Now that I am settled back in, I have been spending time contemplating what my clients struggle with the most, as well as what I struggle with.
This is kind of a big deal, and that tends to be change. So, I’ve been talking about this the last couple of weeks, so you, it’s kind of a continuance of that and the risk, the very first of growing is what happens in your current environment, whether that is with your peers or with your partner, or just friends in general, whether that’s at work or at home, it’s the five people that you are around the most.
So, you can just think about that real quick. Who are the five people that you communicate with most often? This is where that growth risk typically happens in the deepest way. So, for me, it’s amongst my family, my team, my partner, my husband.
It’s scary because that one thing that changes that you become more confident in or more sure about that one area of growth. You know, it’s health and welfare, relationships, money, whatever thing you’re working on. It could be body image, it could be, just releasing or healing, scarcity, or it could just be more intimate in your relationship.
It doesn’t matter. That’s what I’ve discovered. The growth risk is what happens when there is change within you, and I think about this from an energetic perspective. There is this agreement. Imagine there’s an energetic agreement when you meet someone and you begin to relate and communicate, and there’s kind of an unsaid agreement on how this relationship is going to play out.
You can even go as far as saying, what character am I playing in this relationship with that person? And then you’re kind of like locked into that just because of the way we naturally connect with each other. And then you get really used to being that person and being around that person the way that you engage, the things that you say, the things that you do, what is expected, and when you change, something typically on the inside, when something shifts and you have new beliefs and then new activity, that follows the way that we behave, happens in behavior.
Then that contract gets a little tested is the best word. So, in other words, there was a time in my life where there was an unspoken agreement that I wouldn’t travel too much or I wouldn’t buy certain things or go certain places and all of that wasn’t necessarily verbalized. It was kind of like, you just kind of know, right? Does that make sense?
You have those people where you just know what they expect. They’ve kind of said it, but they didn’t come out directly and said it’s not okay for you to dot … dot … dot. You just don’t test the waters because you’ve seen certain behaviors.
When that relationship begins and that agreement is made, even though it’s not spoken, it’s on an energetic level, or maybe it is spoken in some cases, and then there is like something that happens, something that changes you. It could be on purpose, or it could just be maybe there was an accident, maybe you lost a job, or something happened in a friendship, and you just changed as a person, and the relationship that you’re in, and the energetic contract that you were in, isn’t the same because you’re not the same.
And so, then you decide that that’s not important anymore, but then you don’t tell the other person, and that’s what I mean by that contract gets broken and it gets a little sticky and uncomfortable, and you have to make the decision, am I going to continue on this growth process? Am I going to continue with this new identity at the risk of losing this relationship, losing the relationship as it is, or losing the relationship as a whole.
And that is why growth is so scary and why relationships are so hard.
And this is client-coach relationships, it’s employee-employer relationships, it’s romantic relationships, friendships, all of it. If there are two humans involved, then that’s what I’m talking about.
It could be as simple as like a gym that you go to and the owner of the gym becomes more empowered, maybe sets boundaries, changes things, and you don’t like the new way. You’re like, we had an agreement that I didn’t have to follow rules, or that I can get this discount, or I get to have free access to whatever, and then suddenly the owner decides, hey, this is a real business and no more of this shady stuff, and they clean it up. They are at risk of losing clients that were already there.
Now this is really scary for the mind. We tend to walk through the world being afraid to shake things up because we don’t want to lose what we have. And here’s the bad news: you’re going to have to give up something. You’re going to have to lose something if you want something else. Darn, right?
It doesn’t mean that it’s going to be worse or it’s going to even be bad. It’s just the attachment to it, or the security and the safety of it being familiar. But we are working with the most powerful organ in the body, and that is the brain, which is always trying to protect us, to keep things super simple, to get to get the quickest results. It wants instant gratification, and it wants to feel safe and protected and to know what’s happening.
And whenever we challenge the status quo, we challenge what has been, it gets really uncomfortable. The nervous system is activated, the pupils are dilated. The heart starts beating fast, and we start taking caution.
So, the tricky part is what you focus on is what you create more of. So, if you’re focused on that, then your attention is not on the continuance of the growth and then you end up in a mess and it feels overwhelming and chaotic and feels like there’s like a crisis going on.
I want to tell you that if you had clarity and expected that this was going to get shaken up. And then you can plan, so you can have a strategy and you can preface those conversations. My first core value is transparency, and so if you can be transparent, open, intimate, honest, just be honest. I love you and this has been wonderful for the last 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes or years, but I’ve decided I want to try something else. I’m letting you in on it. I’m letting you know that I’m going to be trying something else, that I’m going to be changing some things.
So that way there’s an understanding and maybe that next contract can be agreed upon instead of it getting brushed under the rug and just having these expectations that are actually not agreed upon.
I hope I’m not going in circles. I’m going to take you back around and bring it back in. So, the topic is growth risk. What are the risks that you take in order to grow yourself as a person, as a business, in the relationship, body confidence, whatever it is for you? What is the risk that you’re going to have to take?
Number one is risking being critiqued, being threatened. I don’t mean in a bad, scary way, but emotionally threatened or even physically threatened, hey I’m outta here. I’m outta your life. I’m going to throw you in the ditch. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. So that’s like a physical threat that the person may not like who you’ve chosen to be.
You are risking people talking about. That’s going to happen anyway, right? But it’s what you make it out to mean. You’re going to risk some sort of separation, some loss. You’re going to risk being critiqued. You’re going to risk someone resisting that change.
You’re going to risk this comfort. So just take one scenario. Let’s just imagine I’m going to use business because you know, I like that. So, let’s just imagine I’ve decided to change something in my business, in one of my containers, and it could be like I go up on the price, or we don’t have as many calls as we used to, or you can no longer contact me in between calls. I’m only going to be available at this one time, and that’s it.
But it’s just any sort of change and at the beginning of that contract, or that relationship, let’s just say it was a year ago and that’s not how I started it. So, let’s say I was available all the time. You could text me; you could privately message me; you can get coaching anytime you want.
You could post in the group. I’m always going to answer you. So just say that you pay me this much money and I’m going to give you all of this extra support, and then a year later that contract is still intact. And I’m like, hey guys, things are changing. I’m just going to be available at this certain time on this day, and this is what I’m going to offer. The rest of the stuff is off limits.
So, imagine the same thing if you were at the gym and you used to get access to the sauna and to the tanning beds and all this other stuff, and then suddenly that’s all changed. Here’s the price that’s not included anymore and you are still in that contract. Does that make sense? So, there is a change that happens from what it was.
In order for you to grow the business, in order for you to get new equipment or for you to maybe offer a different service because maybe the container has changed and what they need has changed and you want to improve it for them to grow, they might not agree.
They might not want to grow to the level that you can see their potential. They might not want this new agreement. And so, they have the option if you change the contract, the agreement, if you do it differently to get out. So, you risk the loss, the loss of the business, the loss of the person, the loss of the friendship, whatever that looks like.
And the question is, are you willing to risk what was in order to create something else? To have something new? If not guys, you are going to be in a bind because you’re now at the risk of not growing, which is bailing and disappointing yourself.
So, do you want to grow despite the fact that you might disappoint someone else? Or do you want to disappoint yourself? Which one is the greater risk for you? Regret? Not living out your potential, not experiencing some of the things that you want in life, maybe some of the challenges that you want to overcome, something that you want to create, risking this unmet potential in you that’s going to go to the grave, risking resentment and disappointments that you are going to have about yourself and not having the courage to do it.
Or it’s going to be the other. We really don’t take time to think this stuff through, and we kind of just hope for the best and then it all happens. So, what I’m presenting today is, what if you knew that that was possibly going to happen, and you prefaced a conversation and you were completely transparent? You shared or informed what your plans were, you were really clear about it, maybe even your intention behind it, maybe you would go as far as asking for support. How simple is that?
Yet we tend to not do it because we are afraid someone’s going to disagree and then we don’t do it at all, and then we both lose. The relationship doesn’t grow and you don’t grow and possibly the business doesn’t grow.
So I just want to talk about what I’ve been considering and thinking about because I have made some changes.
I’ve made some changes with my team. I’ve made some changes with my program. Matter of fact, we did the 10-Week MindBody Coaching Intensive. It’s an advanced coaching container, and I’ve been thinking about doing this live instead of a 10-week intensive.
So, a 10-week intensive is, the calls are supposed to be an hour, but they’ve been 90 minutes, they’ve been lasting two hours.
So, it’s like 20 hours of advanced mind body coaching or advanced coaching techniques and now I’m contemplating doing this as a five or six day intensive.
So, you would imagine that’s a lot of hours. But the beauty of it is we can go way deeper and get a lot of practice and it’s in person so they can actually stay up at night and continue to practice and you know, meet people on a very intimate level and learn how to become amazing coaches through this in-person weeklong event.
And of course, I have people who are asking about the 10-week intensive online, and there are some people disappointed, and so am I willing to risk moving it into physical form to have a deeper, more intimate training? Plus, there will be a different expense point, right? Because they’ll have to travel and take time off.
I have to weigh out the difference. So, what I’m doing right now is I’m being completely transparent. I am having that conversation. I’m talking to people about it. And for the last two years, I have not offered my integrative mind body coach training because I saw where the coaching industry was just kind of pumping a lot of people out, and I felt like it was a disservice because the work that we do is so deep going into the subconscious layers, going into a lot of the old unresolved traumas, and it didn’t feel good to me to pump out a bunch of coaches that didn’t get long-term proper training.
So, I decided the last couple of years that I would just do it one-on-one. So, anybody who has been through my coaching program did it with me inclusively. And that’s another thing that’s going to be changing.
So there again is another conversation and it could look more like I’m just playing with all these ideas. Doing this intensive, this weeklong intensive where we get a lot of practice. They really learn the concepts and then they practice it on each other. And when we come home, this training would extend for six months online, and that would be, instead of having just the intensive, it would actually turn into the entire coach training or the certification.
Looking at it that way and having these conversations brought up a lot of discomfort, a lot of like, you changed your mind, or I didn’t get that, or I thought it was going to be this other way. And it’s really interesting because the whole reason that I’m entertaining this new idea is because I think it’s going to be a much richer experience for the client, for their training.
Just in general, they will walk away a well-trained coach who understands this work at mastery level to be able to do it at that intense level and then follow through for six months.
So, it just got me thinking how we do this in all of our relationships. If I decided to go vegan or vegetarian, and my husband is a meat eater and he’s not liking the changes in the house and the groceries (not that I actually do that), but that in the past, that has brought up a lot of arguments because he wants things the way they were.
He wants things the way he expects them to be or the way that he likes them, and I wouldn’t tell him that I was going on a diet or that I was changing things. I wouldn’t tell him whenever the menu was going to change, and he would come home, and he is wondering where his meat is.
So again, just having the prefacing, the conversation, being transparent, being open about your intention. What do you want to get from this? And asking, will you support me? Could I count on your support through this change? I’m open to having a conversation about it back and forth.
I’m open to explore options if it feels like it’s not working and see what else we can pivot or change. And I realize, guys, that I’m so flexible that that actually creates chaos and conflict because I don’t have a problem changing my mind. I don’t have a problem changing the program. Or, if we see that something’s going to work better and like there’s a better option, I’m all about it.
And I tell my team this. I was like, if you see something that will work better, let me know. And I tell my clients this, hey guys, it’s time to reset anybody who’s in E-School and Self Healing Masters. I do this all the time.
Today, we did a call on the incarnation crosses and Human Design stuff, and I stopped the call, and I was like, where is everyone at? Let me know where you are. Let me know if I can pivot this. How can I serve you?
Because when we are focused on serving, it is so much better than focusing on being stuck with something that’s not working anymore. That’s not actually serving. And so, my intention is always, how can we do it better? How can we grow from this? What else do you need? I am open to suggestions, and at the same time, I also have rules and boundaries that protect my clients, and I don’t negotiate those much because I’ve already tested them out. So those things really don’t change.
So anyway, that’s what today’s about, it’s growth risk. If you do grow and if you don’t grow, there are risks either way because you cannot control another person’s growth. And that’s one thing that is always going to be a consideration because we are humans, because we change, because we have new challenges every day, every year, especially as we age.
I remember this conversation with my husband. He’s 11 years older than I am, and as his body changed and his ability to do things changed, and his interests changed, and my interests changed, and we were at risk of not agreeing with the other. So, we had to come up with something.
And I think this is a big part of, what do you want in your relationships? Do you want it to be the same all the time and you’re still married to the same person you were 14 years ago? Like not just the same physical body person, but the same mental, the same spiritual, the same emotional person, not me.
No, I don’t want to be the person I was yesterday. I want to keep learning and exploring and that makes it really challenging to be in relationship. It’s also challenging to be in business because my team has to stay on their toes, and they have to keep up with it. I’m not willing to negotiate that.
I’m not willing to go into so tightly bound in our container that we don’t have leeway, that we don’t have expansion. We have an event coming up. We’re doing another bootcamp. The first one was about relationships with yourself and others. This next one is Belief & Business Bootcamp. That’s going to be in Austin.
So, we were setting the dates and we’re working out the details and the day that we wanted to have it changed. And so, we had to be able to pivot. At any given moment, we have to be able to pivot.
We have a conference coming up in October. We added a night to that one. So that’s another way that we have to pivot. And if my team says no, you said, and so now we can’t change it, we are going to be in a bind. I am definitely going to be in a bind if you want to be in relationship with me. You have to be flexible; you have to be transparent. You have to inform me. Let me know what’s going on. I will do the same for you.
So, what kind of relationships do you want and what is the risk if you do grow, what are you at risk of losing? Like is it going to be people being mad at you? Or maybe they not going to like what you become, maybe they’re going to criticize you. What others criticize is the very thing that they have given up on.
So sometimes that critiquing is actually self-critiquing, that is projected onto you. And then what is the risk if you don’t grow? If you stay exactly as you are right now, you don’t learn new technology, you don’t upgrade your iPhone, you don’t get a new car, you don’t change the way that you communicate, speak, experience, and then gravity’s taking over.
Your body is changing. Technology is taking over. Everything around you is changing, but you’re stuck with this old iPhone, and you can’t open the apps, and you have to do new and different things as your body ages. It doesn’t like the same things. We’re always pivoting and changing.
What is the risk if you do grow?
Make a list on the left side of a piece of paper and write, this is what’s going to happen, this is who is going to be mad, this is what I’m going to lose.
On the right side of the paper write, if I don’t do this, am I going to be mad at myself? What am I going to lose? Am I going to be resentful? Am I going to regret not meeting my own potential, my personal freedom, my expression, my soul essence?
What am I going to lose if I don’t change, if I stay locked into every relationship that I have? If I stay bound by the old energetic contract or the old agreement, then what is going to happen to me?
Alright. That’s what I got for you this week. Have a good one.
Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.