Ep #279 Handling Haters in Business Growth with Erin Esser

In this episode of More Than Mindset, I’m interviewing my client Erin Esser about navigating the complexities of menopause and midlife transformation while growing her business. 

Erin, a health coach and fitness enthusiast, shares her personal journey of losing 60 pounds and reclaiming her vitality.

This episode is packed with insights on overcoming societal myths, handling negative feedback, and the importance of physical health as a foundation for overall well-being.

Discover practical tips and the motivating factors that drive Erin to help other women thrive during midlife changes.

Key Takeaways Include:

  • Understanding the myths and truths about menopause and midlife health
  • How to handle haters and negative feedback while staying true to your mission 
  • The importance of physical health in achieving mental and emotional well-being 
  • Real-life strategies for maintaining motivation and overcoming challenges 
  • Insights into developing a thriving business while navigating personal growth 

Don’t miss this special interview, especially if you’re growing your business while navigating midlife transformation!

Get the Simple Business Trifecta — my unique framework used to sell over a million dollars in offers organically — for FREE! Get it here! 

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Full Episode Transcript:

Ep #279: Handling Haters in Business Growth with Erin Esser

Kim: Hello, and welcome back to the show guys. I came back from the biohacking conference. So excited and lit up and ready to shop, buy all the things. And just so you know, I have inspired myself back in to action. I’ve been having a lot of conversations with Erin, who is also my guest today. Just so happens.

Kim: But we’ve been talking a lot about menopause, paramenopause. the challengesErin and also like the magic of menopause. There’s actually some good things about it. And what we’re talking about this morning, Erin, what was the name I wanted to call, call the thing? Melting.

Erin: Something about melting. The

Kim: menopause meltdown.

Kim: So tell me, do you think that would be interesting? We could change this show title to the menopause meltdown. Erinwe might get into some of that stuff, but for the most part, I invited Erin on. She’s one of my clients in Boss Up. She’s been with me since, I think you said February, the beginning of the year?

Erin: Yep. Beginning of February. Yep.

Kim: Yep. We’ve been connected for a few years on social media. I think I was on your podcast a few years ago and she has been growing her business. She’s going through major changes and she helps menopausal women drop the weight. And the mental drama, the mental baggage, everything that comes with menopause and what we’ve been taught about menopause and she’s killing it.

Kim: And I wanted to come on and kind of tell the story around when you are growing your business, what kind of things do you have to overcome? And one of those is getting haters. That is something that you’ve been getting lately, the more exposed you are. So I’m just going to let Erin introduce herself and then we’re going to jump right in.

Erin: Yeah, awesome. Thanks, Kim. Erinyeah, it’s exciting to be here and just having these conversations are so great and I love them. Erinbut yeah, I’m Erin and I help midlife women lose weight and have energy. It’s really as simple as it is and really bust through the myths that we are being programmed. Well, should I say melt away the myths thatErin that, that we are beingErin taughtErin about midlife and about paramenopause and menopause so that we can live the last.

Erin: Best years of our life. So yeah, and I’m a mom of three and I’ve lost almost 60 pounds. Erinmyself. Erinfixing my own, you know, body and learning all the things that were not being taught and finding out that it’s actually a lot simpler than what we’re being told. So yeah.

Kim: Love the word simple. Yep. So take me back to when you were at your highest weight before starting to lose this.

Kim: We kind of talked about this recently when you, or maybe even, I read it on your social media, it might not even be that you and I talked about it, but it was when you just kind of like settled in to just being the heavier person, there was a moment right that you were just gonna be okay with it. You wanna talk about that?

Erin: Yeah. Yeah, I, I don’t think I’ll ever forget this. It was March of 2023. and I felt horrible. ErinI didn’t know how bad I felt until, right. I think that’s, I think that’s a pretty common thing. Like we don’t really know how bad we feel until we start to feel better. And that was been my experience, you know?

Erin: So I tried to convince myself that at my highest weight, our hormones were tanked, like literally tanked. The woman that I was working with, she was like concerned because. Of what was going on, on the labs and the testing that I had, all the stuff, all the numbers were cortisol, all the stuff, all the stuff wasn’t sleeping well, just so many things were going on.

Erin: So no energy. Erinand yeah, I, it felt so overwhelming and so, but I want to say daunting at my highest weight to things that like, oh my gosh, I have to lose all this weight. Yeah. It felt impossible. It felt like there’s no way I’m gonna be able to do it. There’s just no way. And, you know, I tried to convince myself that, like, I was just meant to be heavy, that I’ll just get comfortable being heavy, you know, and I was like, well, they make cute clothes now for, you know, bigger girls, and I’ll just have to go to some of those stores that cater to that and just really start to get really comfortable with that.

Erin: And I tried to convince myself to do that. Until, until there’s a few things within that led to the until, but I remember seeing a woman that I knew very well and I loved very much go upstairs, like up a flight of stairs. And she was fairly, you know, heavy, probably similar to where I was at actually at the time.

Erin: And she had to hold the railing to like launch herself up. And I remember like. I don’t ever want to have to do that. I don’t ever want to have support because I can’t support myself because I can’t support my own body weight. That was one of the things. And just seeing people like, so I broke my ankle too.

Erin: Okay. So I was a mobile for like two months last summer. I couldn’t walk. I had no weight on it. I’m on a scooter. I was able to literally relate to the people at Walmart and at the stores and these scooters, and I thought. If I don’t do something, I’m going to be that in less than 10 years, max. And I was like, this, I’m not going out like this.

Erin: Sorry, if I just swore, I don’t know, but

Erin: I’m like, fuck this shit. I am not going out like that. There’s no way I’m doing this, you know, and my background is fitness training and nutrition coaching. There was a lot of shame because I felt like I should know what I need to do. And I’m at my heaviest weight and there was like, I was embarrassed, you know?

Erin: Oh, there was so much emotion around it, but I was like, nope, I’m not doing this. This is, I’m not ending up like that. I’m not going out like this.

Kim: I love that you said that because, you know, working with wellness practitioners, this is the thing I hear so often is it’s very hard for them to grow their business whenever they’re not actually being the example of what they’re telling other people to do and how much that sets them back and slows them down.

Kim: So you’re like, I can help you with anything and it’s like, I can’t even help myself. You know, this is subconsciously going on. So I totally get that. So the two moments are really, that’s, that speaks to me. My biggest story is like when I go to Walmart and they’re like getting the scooter in, they’re trying to get out the car and they have to help each other.

Kim: I’m so scared of that. What is it that, why do we, it’s, it’s these things that scares me more than anything else. Oh yeah. It’s my vitality. Yes. To lose my, my control. Freedom. Like, I don’t know. Oh my God. I totally get both of those moments. And those have been really good for my growth, watching, like, I remember my nail clients having knee surgeries, shoulder surgeries.

Kim: I remember the client that had both and like, she couldn’t get out the chair. And I, you know, I’m young, so I didn’t realize this was a thing, but when you get out the chair, you push. Yeah, she couldn’t do that. And man, I was like back in the gym, back in the gym. I’m going to keep exercising. And I think about Jane Fonda, who that’s one of the things she’s most grateful for is that she exercised so much of her career and that how, how that has helped her, you know, not living this long.

Erin: Oh, absolutely. I mean, it’s, it’s movement.

Kim: If we don’t move our bodies, it’s the muscle loss, right? And that’s something that we battle with menopause. And what about the history of dieting? Most of our life as women, 30, 40, 50 years of dieting and then losing the muscle. And then hitting menopause and then losing the hormone and the muscle and the elasticity and then not wanting to be seen in public.

Kim: The shame of the wrinkles, like so much of that happening and us being told or believing that we can’t restore it. That’s really what I want to talk to you about because you are restoring it. This is the example that you are setting, not just melting the fat and the unwanted stuff away. You’ve rebuilt the.

Kim: You’ve healed your metabolism. You’ve organized your energy in a way that it’s endless. What else, what else would you say that you’re surprised that you were told wouldn’t change that it would just get worse as you got older and you’ve actually hormones.

Erin: My hormones, my, you know, cortisol levels, right?

Erin: Like I’d wake up at two, three o’clock in the morning, had a hard time getting back to sleep. This is, you know, before. And by the time I’d finally get back to sleep an hour later, it was time to wake up for the day. And. You know, the, the narrative is, I’ll just get used to that. You know, this bad cortisol, right?

Erin: And this hormones, and it’s like, it’s one of those things where I’ve actually reprogrammed my cortisol to spike in the morning when it’s supposed to spike because it is supposed to spike cortisol. It’s not bad. It’s just, let’s see, you know, there’s one time a day that it spikes. So I’m learning all these things and I’m like, oh, okay.

Erin: How can I program my cortisol so it doesn’t spike at two or three in the morning that it can actually spike at 7 a. m. 6 a. m. when I, when I need it to spike, when I need to get things done. And so that’s what I’ve done. Erinand just sleep is so much better. So yeah, hormones, I mean, hormones is a huge story for women in midlife hormones, hormones, hormones.

Erin: I mean, oh my word, it’s crazy.

Kim: And it’s pretty interesting because we titled this how to handle haters and you’re getting a lot of hate around the claim. And even your own truthful story, you’re getting haters and disbelief around, are you a doctor? That’s not possible. Can you prove it? So, since I should have started the hook with this, but I knew we’d eventually get here.

Kim: Tell me how that was for you to actually be the example that went against the norm. And then to be told, basically, you’re a liar. Yeah. Dangerous.

Erin: Yeah. It’sErin I mean, it’s, to be honest, I mean, it’s startling right in the, and it’s like, oh my gosh. And you know, I’m used to people in a way, like not liking me, I’ve always been one to go against the grain, you know, and anything that I do or challenge, you know, authority challenge the status quo.

Erin: But when there’s a bunch of women, and it was women, that don’t know me, and I’m trying to help, because they’re asking a question, it’s confusing too. It’s like I’m just trying to help you. Like, why, why are you arguing when I’m just, I’m trying to help and give you like literally free tips on something that maybe could help you, maybe not.

Erin: But it’s not going to cost you anything to try it. It’s not going to, you know, it’s not going to do anything. And yeah, to get the responseErin that I’ve gotten in, in some of the ways has been really interesting. AndErin but you know, it makes sense after, you know, we’ve chatted about it and after you said one thing and do you want me to share it right now that literally got me, I was like, that’s it.

Erin: Like, that’s it where, you know, and, and this might be like the punchline, but like, but like, To a victim or victim mindset, a solution will always be the enemy. And that’s, that’s literally what took me out and helped me reframe, I guess, how I looked at it. And I’ve shared that already now with like a few people of like, this is so good.

Erin: It’s so good. And well, the other thing that you said too, is like what we have to offer and our service that we have to offer, we have to believe in it. I’m getting chills even as I’m saying that more than people are arguing with us, or it’s something like that it was, those weren’t your exact words, but it was like, are we so led by our service and our, our call to be of service and what we want to help people with that we are able to not let that take us down, right?

Erin: Like how, how, how big is my call? How strong is my call to help people? Cause there are people out there who do want this and there are people who don’t and. It’s okay. And it’s recognizing that. So those are the two things that you had said that when all of this started to happen that I thought, yeah, you’re right.

Erin: Like, this is it. Like, this is it. And I had to get real with myself, too, of like, Do I want to do this because it takes an amount, like a enormous amount of strength within myself to keep forging ahead, you know, where before I don’t know if I would have, and the way that I am now, but I have support now too, where I wouldn’t have had support before too.

Erin: So, you know, there’s, there’s many factors, but, but yeah, that’s what helped me really start to re to reframe it.

Kim: For the, for the first point, theErin cause I don’t mean victim in a negative way. I mean, when we’re the victim of life or the victim of a circumstance, the enemy is the solution when, especially when it’s subconscious and there’s some sort of secondary gain that we’re not aware of at the time.

Kim: Do you remember a time when you were at the mercy of your body and your age and your circumstance and your, and hearing someone’s success?

Erin: Yeah.

Kim: Thank you. Putin on it. Do you, do you remember? Absolutely. I mean, I’ve done it many times

Erin: in my life, you know?

Kim: Can you pull, can you pull compassion and empathy in that moment?

Kim: Cause man, it’s so bad to hate like that because of what it’s that, that envy and, and resistance and hate because you don’t believe you can have it. You don’t believe you can have the resolution. And so everything in them is just likeErin against it. And I’ve been there too. Yeah. And I didn’t realize how harmful it felt to the person who was offering the solution.

Kim: Now to be on the other side of that, I have so much empathy and compassion For the ones who try to offer a hand, or try, who tried maybe in their own way to give a solution. Yes. see it or receive it because I didn’t know how I could get it. I was like, you don’t understand me, right? The unicorn syndrome, you know, you don’t live this, you don’t have a size 10 foot or a five nine body or live in Louisiana or have five kids and it’s food all the time.

Kim: And like, I couldn’t, I couldn’t. So I, I had to find that place too, because the hate was really shutting me down. It, I mean, it’s disheartening. It’s like, once you get it together for yourself, it’s like you have all this energy that used to be sent on fixing yourself that all of a sudden it has no place to land.

Kim: And there’s this desperate need to serve and to give, to feel that, that old habit of fixing and fixing and fixing when you no longer need it for yourself. And man, it’s one hell of a lesson to learn in business. It’s, this is like the, the wounded healer.

Erin: We

Kim: summon all of this energy to heal ourself and we stay in this trying to solve our wrongness or whatever, you know, it is about ourselves that’s incorrect.

Kim: And then you, you know that you, cause you’ve come to the place to where you’re in love with yourself and your life,

Erin: you

Kim: know, and really accept the call and the, like just feels right. And then we naturally want to give. We, I mean, it just.

Erin: Absolutely. I mean, that’s the thing that’s been probably one of the biggest ahas on my journey is, and this is what I, what I really love to share with women as well too, is our physical health.

Erin: Is really the foundation of our mental, emotional and everything else. And if we don’t have that in line, we’re not able to show up for our family. We’re not able to show up for our business or our job or our friends or our spouse, anything else. We just, there’s no way that we can. We don’t have the emotional capacity to do it if we’re not physically.

Erin: Like optimized physically, or just, we just don’t, there’s more to it than that. That’s basically, we just don’t have the space to do it, you know, within ourselves, cause we don’t have the energy. We only have the energy literally to survive. It’s get up, get my stuff together, go to work, get home, do the next thing the next day.

Erin: And there’s nothing more left to give. So then when we see someone on the outside with all this, like we either number one, this is where I’ve been before. Like they must not, it must not be real. It must be faking it because I’m not experiencing that. So that can’t be real. Or if we’ve experienced it before and we know it’s real and then we see somebody and then we’re like, shit, why did I let myself.

Erin: Get back to where I know. So then there’s that shame within ourselves beating ourselves up as well too. So you knowErin but yeah, I mean, our physical health is the foundation of everything.

Kim: How about the, like what you were just saying, how about the going a little further with that in having had it and then not being able to face, but what about the part of having have it and not being able to keep it?

Kim: And so then not want to get it again to not lose it again.

Erin: Hmm. Yeah. I never thought about it like that, but yeah, yeah.

Kim: Just when you, when you just said that, I’m just like kind of tracking with you. And then it was like, cause I’ve lost weight so many times and there was a point where it’s just like, just not going to keep trying because the heartbreak.

Erin: Yeah. No, it’s true. It’s like, I think there’s a joker around there like, you know, I’ve lost a hundred pounds of my life. It’s like 10 pounds over and over and over again. Right. Like the same 10 pounds or the same 20 pounds, you know? Yeah.

Kim: It’s like the person that’s too rich. It looks like it’s too easy. It looks like there’s too much of it.

Kim: You have to either make them wrong or you wrong. Because if we’re the same humans with the same God source, with the same, like what makes them different, you know, it’s like not wanting to even see that about ourself. That’s so interesting. So for the second part, so you said, so then you had to ask the question, do I want to do this?

Kim: Do like, do I? So I’m curious. What drives you like what like when you think about I actually don’t have to do this or I’m going to do this Yeah, when you’re in that I’m going to do this What’s what’s the driver behind it that you’re willing to take the hate take the heat hear the rejection? Like all of the stuff that we face every day that I don’t think other coaches and business owners No, that we go through, I really believe that there’s this exciting part that people see online and they have no idea what we’re going through every single day.

Kim: We’re in boss up. Luckily for us that we’re together every day, you know, just working and supporting through all of this stuff. What, what is it that, why are you willing to tolerate?

Erin: What drives me in my own health or just to keep showing up for in service?

Kim: You don’t have to give those ladies anything, like you, you could just step away.

Kim: Why would you, why would you keep going? Is it because it helps you? Or is it because there’s something in you?

Erin: That’s a really good question. ErinIt’s, I’ve always been one where I always have wanted to prove the impossible. Prove it. My tagline. You can

Kim: make me wrong. I’m going to do it even more.

Erin: Yeah. Like my tagline before was, you know, what else is possible that we’ve never even thought of like ever before. Like, I loved that saying, I think it was like Dane here that actually like I got the from access consciousness, you know, it’s like, what else is possible?

Erin: It’s like, Ooh, I love that and leave it open ended. Right. So I’m, I’ve kind of adopted that over the years. And it’s, it’s like, I’ve always had this, let’s show people what’s possible. You know, let’s show people what’s possible. And I want to show these women that because I’ve been there too, I’ve been there, I’ve been there when I thought it wasn’t possible and then I’ve shown myself that it is possible.

Erin: And so I guess what drives me is it lights me up. When I get messages from people saying, Oh my God, I was always groggy in the morning and needed a nap in the afternoon. And now I’m actually able to do yard work and to spend time with my kids. And I’m still awake at 8 PM or like before I would have literally been crashed like on the couch with no energy at all, because I see other people getting their life back because I know how that feels.

Erin: I know how it feels. to want to give up. Like, I know how that feels. So I know that there are women out there that are like, this is not possible. This can’t be possible. And it’s just that, like, it is possible. It is possible. Like you just need support and you just need the correct information. That’s all you need.

Erin: And you’ve been fed so much freaking bullshit and lies. And it’s not your fault, you know, it goes back to like, it’s not your fault, but now it’s like, let’s do something about it. Like take my hand and let’s go, you know? And anyway, so that’s, I know what it feels like to not have hope and to almost give up on yourself.

Erin: AndErin I know you don’t have to, I guess that’s what drives me.

Kim: It’s theErin the dis, the disheartenment when I come from the disheart, like you’re saying, like the bullshit that they fed you, like the, like you’re giving. This is possible. And then you’re getting all of this crap thrown at you because of believing. There’s almost like a part in me that like gets stronger.

Kim: Like a mama bear part is like, they’re like, cause you got drowned out by those negative voices, right? There were more of them than you. Can you imagine what these people are facing every single day in their families? on the media, on like everywhere. It’s like, it summons something in me and I, I like it. I want it.

Kim: I need it. to stay in the game.

Erin: Absolutely.

Kim: And so kind of, I’m kind of wondering like the hate being the fuel

Kim: to stay in the game. Like, thanks for filling me up. Thanks for putting gas back there. Thanks for that one. Because now you’re showing me what they have to face everywhere as they go, even in groups that are supposedly supporting

Erin: them. Supposed to be supportive. Exactly. And it’sErin yeah, no, and, and it’s, you know, it was a realization for me too, because I’m, I mean, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve set up my life over the years completely different than, you know, I would say theErin average person.

Erin: Erinand so it’s a real, like, live, like look into. When you hate your job and yet you’re not in a relationship that is satisfying and you have stress all day long. And because of that stress and because of the anxiety and all these things, you’re grabbing food that is just draining you even more. And it’s just this endless loop and loop and loop and loop.

Erin: So when I see that, it kind of brings me back to the reality of where most women are. And it helps me to get back to that.

Kim: that’s grabbing food because you don’t know what else to grab. Yeah. It’s like the brain just goes, like, it’s so easy to fall back into that without even knowing it.

Erin: Well, we’re sold convenience for years, right? And I’ve said this over the convenience is what’s killing us. Like there’s a level of like simplicity, right?

Erin: Like love simplicity. And just like every asset can become a liability. Too much simplicity can be dangerous also for us too in so many different ways, right? But that’s what we’re sold because we’re just like trying to survive through life. So we just grab whatever’s there.

Kim: Well, it’s interesting. It’s one of the dynamics of the brain.

Erin: It’s

Kim: lazy. It needs instant gratification and its job is to preserve energy. Yeah. So it takes more energy to, for the non conveniences. Yes. And so you’re being marketed to against that. That’s what, it drives me crazy. Those recliner chairs where you push the button and you don’t have to get out because it stands you.

Kim: I’m like, couldn’t believe when that came out. It made me so mad because you quit using. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to do it. Still do it. It’s like going to physical therapy. You, you’ve got to do it. I remember after my surgeries and not being able to stand on my foot or you like, you have to use it.

Kim: You can’t. You have to. So, oh my gosh, you just got me like heated on that.

Erin: Well, it’s the thing, right? We’re sold that our body wants to be comfortable. And that’s the thing. It’s like, it’s only when we’re uncomfortable and we’re putting these stressors on our body that we actually grow. That’s it. Know that.

Erin: And this is one of the things it’s like, we get stuck in this, well, this doesn’t feel good to me or whatever. Well, of course it’s not going to feel good to you because it’s not, this isn’t like, it’s not your, the, the normal, right? So the brain’s like, no, I don’t want change, right? Like bring me back to a sense of where I feel safe, you know, and we have to break outside of that.

Erin: That’s why support is so important. You know, that’s why I work with you. That’s why women work with me because when we make any change in our life, like this, Our brain will want to take us right back, right back to, to that, that, you know, that level of comfort and safetyErin because we don’t want the unknown.

Erin: We don’t want the uncertainty. AndErin but that’s where we grow. That’s why we need somebody to lock arms with.

Kim: I don’t know if they all want to grow either though. And that’s, that’s everyone’s choice, you know, but it’s definitely like, it’s okay, hon. We’ll feel good later. Let’s just, you’ll feel good after.

Kim: So I’m curious from yourErin experience with this, because Erin has now filled up two groups, which I’m very proud of this. You know, my goal is to help coaches get more clients, period coaches, healers, practitioners, whatever. But, and when we have clients who actually do that, I want to celebrate them because this is a big deal.

Kim: You, this is your second year. Second group that you sell out in a couple of months time. This is where you started in February. And

Erin: I just started the first group that I first filled up, started April 18th. And then my next group started today. And so there were like six, seven weeks apart. So, you know, I guess, yeah, over the next last couple of months that I started doing it, doing this and having a group on this.

Erin: Yeah. So let’s talk

Kim: about how easy it was and effortless it was. Cause it sounds like great. Erin just filled up two groups in less than two months. Kind of speaking of the discomfort and the unease and the underestimating the amount. of action required. What have you learned through this process?

Erin: Well, honestly, I think this process has even helped me in my health too, because it’s like anything, like to really have what I want.

Erin: It is, I realized it takes way more effort and time and commitment to do those things and to have those conversations and to, You know, keep reaching out to people because I generally like, no, it’s like you need this. I don’t say that, but it’s like, Hey, like, let’s do this. Right. And to continue to do that.

Erin: ErinI mean, even amidst the resistance, right. Even amidst the no responses back or amidst the, you know, all of this stuff. Yeah. It takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of showing up. You got to show up. You got to show up all the time. And one of the things I’ve learned along this too, and I tell my clients this now all the, and I repeat it and repeat it and repeat it and repeat it as.

Erin: The days that you, that I don’t want to show up are the days that I have to even more because those are the days that are going to define my journey.

Kim: And I remember a couple of those experiences, right? I call it the five day, the five day experience. And then the other one, the heavy day where it was just the harder work that was recently right before you really got things moving.

Kim: So I’m curious if. Like what it, what it is that you tell yourself, I know what our conversation was, but you took something from that and I’m wondering if it would help the audience of like when they’re feeling this, like, yeah, when my back stops hurting, I’ll do it again. OrErin yeah, I haven’t gotten up with the sun for a couple of days orErin today I’m just doing the basics.

Kim: Like, let’s just use those three examples because I hear that a lot from my clients.

Erin: Yeah. Yeah. What do you

Kim: have for them? What could you give them when they’re thinking that I’m just going to take a few more days off or today I’m just going to do the bare minimum.

Erin: Well, first I would get curious and be like, Oh, that’s interesting.

Erin: Like, why do you feel like you need to do that? And just kind of understand where. Their mind is right and then understand, like, one of the things that I try to do with my clients now and this program now is really prepare them about the mind drama because it’s like when I’m like normalizing right away, he’ll recognize it and it’s not a surprise.

Erin: Right. But. But yeah, I mean, I guess, you know, I mean, I would just get curious about it first. But one of the things that I realized for me, I’ll just share a story about what my own mind drama that I had to overcome as well, too. So maybe people can put this in their own life and resonate with thisErin is, I was literally battling my mind in my car one day because I was going to the gym.

Erin: I didn’t want to go to the gym again. I was like, I’m kind of tired right now. That whole thing, right? I’m not really feeling it. And we had an issue with our cat. One of our cats had just passedErin and just stuff going on. I had a lot of external life shit going on, right? It’s just life, right? Life stuff goes on.

Erin: Sometimes it’s harder. Sometimes it’s not. I had life external situations coming in, right? But because of that, I was sad and I was emotional and I was likeErin navigating this. And so within myself, I remember sitting in the car in my driveway. I finally was like, nope, I’m going to the gym. So I drove to the gym and then I got in the parking lot at the gym and I was doing the same thing for like, probably, I don’t know how many minutes, probably five, 10 minutes, I don’t even know.

Erin: And what I did, which was actually the best thing that I could have done was first, I did have compassion for myself. Cause I was like, I’m not going to beat myself up right now. But I’m like, what do I want? What do I want for? I was just reminded of my goals. Cause I try to like, I try to allow my, like who I, my ideal self, like who I want to like pull me forward.

Erin: So it’s like, okay, what would she do right now? Kind of like, what would Jesus do? It was like, now what would future Erin actually do right now? Right. It’s like, all right, she’d go into the gym right now. And she would just do something, just something. Right. So I went in, I was doing something. And I think this is when you reached out to me too, that morning I was at the gym and you’re like, Hey, I’m kind of getting a feel likeErin how are you doing?

Erin: You know? And I was like, yeah, all this stuff. AndErin I actually then ended up going in deeper. I did more of a workout. I did more of like, I fell into that even though I didn’t want to and I did more like I leaned into the discomfort more and you know what by eight by me being able to do that I actually was able to feel everything that I needed to feel and what I realized I had an aha in that moment of like, oh my gosh.

Erin: If I would have let myself off the hook, if I would have said, okay, you can go just take a day on the couch and you can just check out that’s, that’s when I bypassed everything that I was going through. Cause I didn’t want to deal with it. That’s when I would put stuff in my mouth that I knew wasn’t going to make me feel good.

Erin: That’s when I did the things that I want to felt like, like, that’s not who I want to be. So. That moment that I’m like, Oh my gosh, like when I lean in more is actually when I’m like moving through all the emotion, which is exactly what I needed at that time. And I got emotional. I was doing kettlebells. I was doing my stuff, you know, and I, emotion came up and I just allowed it to come out.

Erin: I wasn’t like balling at the gym, but I just allowed it to move through me and I needed that. And you know what, that was one of the best things that I did for myself, because It got me out of this space where, oh my gosh, before I would have listened to him and like, yeah, like, yeah, again, you know, laid on the couch, just checked out, right, just checking out where I’m like, that’s not supporting myself.

Erin: That’s not loving myself. So I realized there’s such bullshit even around self care, like under the guise of self care. Right. If I would have called up somebody like, you know, whatever, it’d be like, yeah, take your day off. Just relax. Take, you know, take some time. Oh, it’s so hot. Right. Rather than like, Hey, what do you really need to do to support yourself right now?

Erin: And that’s the person I have to be for myself right now. And sometimes it’s hard. It’s really hard. I battled with my, I don’t know how long in my driveway and in the gym parking lot, but that’s what I realized. And I had one of the biggest ahas, I actually did a live on it that day. So I was like, Okay.

Erin: Whoa, that is true self care because that is how I show up for myself. And since then it is like literally changed the game in how I do show up for myself. Like when I’m like, the mind drama starts to go, it’s like, you could just go take whatever, you know, just take a little break, whatever, go. It’s like, is that what I really want to do?

Erin: Is that really, really what I, you know, so I just get really like curious about it now. And anyway, that was, so I don’t know if that helps, you know, people listening, but that was a example that I guess that I went through of, and, and here’s the thing. Our mind, like my mind, I’ll speak for myself, my mind can make up any excuse to rationalize anything and it sounds real good.

Erin: It sounds real good. I mean, most, 99 percent of people have been like, yeah, take a break, man. You’ve been through a lot. Right? Like, it sounds good. It sounds logical. And that’s the thing to watch out for. And I’ve learned that a lot from working with you. It’s just like, oh man, your mind is going to take you for a ride.

Kim: And

Erin: it does.

Kim: It does. It’s super tricky because some are going to hate hearing this and they’re going to have their story of how they Overrode their own compass to please someone else. This is not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about you Battling your old self for your new self and I remember that day I don’t remember what what it was that made me reach out, but I remember The do more until you do feel like it came up after that for me personally, too.

Kim: And it was like, that was the thing right there because it’s moving through that next layer, that sheath that it’s just right there. But the muck feels so slimy that you don’t know. Like it just, It feels natural to go down with it. You don’t know that you can actually rise above it. And that’s that we’ll do go into it.

Kim: Don’t disrespect it. Don’t bypass it or turn it off. Go with it. I think that’s what it was like. Go with it. What could you get with? When you show up feeling like this, what does that look like? It was like, that wasn’t even an option though in the, in the mental space. It was like the black or white, the owner off, but it was like, no, we have to get used to showing up in some days, 50 some days, 50 50, some days, 20 80, some days, 90, 10, like you just, so what would 90 look like?

Kim: So what would 10 look like? So what would a hundred percent of 10 look like? What would a hundred percent of 90 look like?

Erin: Yeah. I like that.

Kim: And it’s like, do it until, and right there on the other side, you’ll fucking feel like you blew out of, you hit max limits. You went like over and beyond. And it was just that messy motion, just like kind of doing its old thing.

Kim: So it is very tricky. I get a lot of resistance around thisErin when it comes to them getting on social media. That it’s, it’s not different. It was you at the gym that day, but for the most part, it’s when I’m telling a client like, listen, if people don’t know you and you don’t have leads, you’re going to have to get on social media or you’re going to have to go pay someone to make you popular.

Kim: I mean, or get referrals and good luck because everybody else is looking for those. And this is what it feels like. And I’m like, just do it until it feels good.

Erin: Oh yeah. We just have this aversion of like being uncomfortable, you know, and it’s like, it’s

Kim: like, it’s If we had the results right then and there, it would be different.

Kim: Like, I think, let’s just give ourselves some credit for this. So would we want to do more social media if we had someone listening and liking and following and telling us how amazing we are all fucking day. These podcasts I’d be booming them out like two or three a day. I was like, Oh, they’re so excited.

Kim: It’s so fun. I want to do more. I’m going to like clear up my book and just invite a bunch of people on and do a bunch of podcasts and everyone loves it. Oh my God, I feel so good because I’m getting a pat on the shoulder. It feels like the sunshine just came on. And when you put it out and it doesn’t get any hits and you don’t get any replies and no one.

Kim: We’re.

Kim: And it’s like, all of a sudden it starts getting heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, sun just went out. Boom. Boom. Now we’re way in the bottom of the swamp and we can’t get ourself out. And that’s when you pick up the heavier kettlebell because it gets you out. The energy comes from inside ourself. Period. So you can either put a blanket over your head and cover it up.

Kim: Or you can push your feet down and pull it out, but it is yours. It’s not coming from anywhere else. We summon the energy for what we want, but it’s so dang hard to get past this monster up here. And if it’s not ours, it’s the haters. Because it comes from, from the world telling you, you shouldn’t push that hard.

Kim: Because they don’t want to push that hard. They don’t want you to win because it shows them, to them, they’re losing. They’re like, shit, if she can take off 60 pounds. If she can take off 60 pounds, fuck her. Yeah. Because I can’t take off 60 pounds. But if they knew they could beat you, and I think it’s a thing with women too, having to out beat the other one, it’s, it’s a wicked quiet little competition thing.

Kim: Erinand I, I guess is what happened in grade school and how we treated each other when we were kids. There’s, there’s gotta be something to it, taking the boyfriend and taking the friends and Erinyou trust and they stab you in the back and it’s so sad. I wish we could have more support for each other and ourselves.

Erin: No, I agree with you. And you know, a couple of things came up as you were saying that like, I think there’s this, like you’re saying, just like kind of being average is what came up, you know, it’s like, we have this, if we want to move past average, because that’s where 90 some percent of people really are.

Erin: And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. Like, it just is what it is. It’s just, that’s just what it is. I don’t want to be average. And I think

Kim: there’s something wrong with it.

Erin: And

Kim: gravity together means below average.

Erin: That’s true. Yep. That’s a good way to put it. So I don’t want to be average.

Erin: Like, and it’s like, I, I don’t want to be average. And so it’s, it’s like, that is, I mean, I’m going to, I’m the one that is always pushing harder for myself and is always like, Let’s see what else I can do. I remember when I first was a fitness trainer. Here’s the funny thing, I’m just gonna share a funny story.

Erin: I would mow the lawn and I had a hill on my, this is when I lived in South Dakota and I had a hill on my lawn in my front yard. And I wouldn’t just mow my lawn and mow my lawn. I literally would run and sprint and mow my lawn up the hill because it was harder. ’cause I’m always for a challenge. Like I was literally at Tractor Supply yesterday getting.

Erin: Chicken food, chicken feed, like, do you need a cart? No, I’ll carry the bag. Thank you. 40 pound bag. I’m like, no, I’m carrying the bag. Cause I’m always wanting to challenge myself because that’s how we grow. You know, that’s how, and I know that. Right. And so, but your normal person’s like, no, just give me the path of least resistance.

Erin: You know, that’s what they’re looking for. And I’m like. Okay. That’s boring. You know,

Kim: the brain though, they just following their brain. Like, it’s like, this is not going to take as much effort. It’s going to preserve energy. I’m going to stay alive longer, which is true, but it’s not true. No.

Erin: Well, and that’s the thing.

Erin: So then that leads me to the next thing that made me think about it, where I was like, Oh, this is an interesting way to look at the people and population is like, There are people, most people, they don’t, I can’t remember where I heard this. It was on a podcast somewhere that I was listening to recently.

Erin: They don’t want to be healthy. They just don’t want to be sick. And I was like, Oh, that wasn’t. Of like people, they, they just, they don’t want to be sick. That’s it. But they’re not really interested in health. I’m interested in optimal health. Like I want to live to however I want to live, to live to, and I want to feel good.

Erin: Like, I don’t want to be in a nursing home, but I want to feel strong and I want to feel good. And those are the women that I’m like, I’m looking for those women who are like, yes, let’s freaking go. Like, let’s be 90 and doing road trips. Like, I don’t know what, let’s be a hundred, whatever, you know?

Kim: I don’t care how long I just care that I have wellness while I live.

Kim: Yeah, that’s that’s I’m I’m with you on that too. Erinall right, we are at the end of our time for this little spontaneous interview. We decidedErin that we would get done today. So Erin, You have a podcast, your social media is where you hang out at. You want to tell them where that is. We’re going to put the show notes.

Kim: We’re going to link it to there and get a great photo of you and Mallory will put it together.

Erin: Awesome. Yeah. No, my social media is just Erin Esser, really simple. Erinand on Facebook mainly is where I hang out. And thenErin my podcast is thriving in midlife and you could find it on Spotify, Apple, or any other, any other podcast

Kim: format.

Kim: So yeah. And she is definitely thriving. 60 pounds. I remember the 40 pound threat. And you, boom, made it through that hurdle. And now we’re at 60. Did you even imagine it that day? That, that could be here in this short amount of time. Do you remember that breakthrough moment? Oh,

Erin: yeah. I, I remember I was sitting in my car talking, I remember that, in, in a parking lot.

Erin: ErinI do a lot of car talk, I guess, but, but no, yeah, I remember that. And it wasErin it was, I literally thought I was sliding back during that time. And I, it was, that was a, that was a struggle moment for me. I had to get really real with myself. And it was like

Kim: a five day, not at the gym kind of thing, but you were hiding it.

Erin: Yeah. Yeah. Cause I was like, Oh, like I knew deep down that it was like something more than just like back pain. Yeah. My back hurt. But once I started to realize what was really going on, I was like, Oh, this makes so much sense. Thank you. Brain. Yeah. And thank you, Kim, for your support and calling me out on that.

Kim: Not because I don’t have to call myself out on it all the time. Listen, we’ve, we’ve got to guys, when you find your power, people help each other. Stay accountable, check in on your strong friends. We struggle too. Check in on the people who you think are bad asses all the time. Check in. We just won’t tell anybody about it.

Kim: We just, so we have to be checked in on it. Find your people, you know, like so important. We’re all struggling for attention. We’re all trying to make this work. We’re all trying to be an influence. We’re all trying to keep it together for ourselves. You know, like, I think if we could just open up these relationships and just Like push out of love, like push out of what you would want for yourself.

Kim: Yes. Yes. That’s service. Especially when, you know, it’s like you, like, I don’t have anyone who pushes me. Well, my husband’s getting a little bit better. I said, I think I’m going to see what it’s like to take a year off. I’ve never done that. I’ve never even taken like a whole month off. And he says, go take a nap.

Kim: You’ll be better when you get out. My kids are like, no way. You’re not staying home. Get back out there. So they’re actually kind of giving me that now, but it wasn’t like that in the past. You know, they were the kind of, why do you work so hard? It’s okay. You don’t have to do it all. And I’m like, oh, that was terrible, terrible advice.

Kim: No, you definitely want to push your people to get above average guys because they’re being pulled down by society that’s telling them that that’s fine. And now we’re going to, we want to avoid what that scary thing you see at that grocery store like that thing. That scares me. It makes me cry. Very, very scared.

Kim: I see it at church too. Very scary.

Erin: Well, here’s the thing that gives me hope though. It doesn’t have to be like that. We are in full control of that because it comes from the inside out, like you were saying. And that is the beauty of this. We have control to say yes, you know, to our health. Absolutely.

Kim: All right, Erin.

Kim: Thank you. Have an amazing day. Guys, go check her out. Follow her podcast and give us some love on social media. Give us some thumbs up. Let you, let us know you like the podcast, send it to a friend, rate and review. These things matter. You want to support people and you want to be supported, support others.

Kim: That’s how it is. Just it’s about supporting each other. All right, my friend.

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