Ep #130: Hopelessness

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Hello, hello, and welcome back to the show. Guys, I am still hanging out here in Vegas. It’s been a couple of weeks. I think I told you that last week whenever I recorded, that I had come in from a mastermind in Minneapolis, come straight here. And I have been geeking out with peers, friends, mentors all about self-healing hacks.

Yep, the good stuff. Scuba diving, you know how I like it, way down deep. Let me just kind of paraphrase the message that I want to leave you with before we get on with today’s show. I’ve got something pretty interesting for you.

So let’s just sit with this for a moment, just take a deep breath. Exhale, sigh away, and take this in. The person you think you are is the person you were taught to be. So if that is true, you can teach yourself to change your identity, right?

If you are right now, the person that you think you are, something that has been conditioned to be. In other words, someone told you or taught you to be that way. When you really start questioning these things and determining who you truly are you will come to realize that you have no idea why you do half the things you do. Why you think the way you think and believe the way you believe.

And as you start to peel those layers away and start to uncover the bio-individual, that’s my favorite word in the world. Every single one of us, we’re created to be unique beings. But the world, our parents, the school system, society, whatever it is that shaped and molded you and conditioned you to be a certain way. And you adopted those belief systems. And you won’t know about this unless it quits working for you.

So when illness and disease, chronic pain, all of these conditions show up in the body and you wake up and realize that you’re not living life as a whole being. That you’re not living life as yourself.

Now, if that’s not you, I’m pretty sure you’re not listening to this podcast. I’m going to go out on a limb and say those who are listening, I believe, can relate. So I’m just going to leave you with that and then move into today’s show, which is called hopelessness.

This is something that I have been working through for the last few months. And I’m just going to share a post with you that I put on social media, I think before I came on my trip here. Because this kind of summed up the after work, I would say.

So I went through the awareness. First, I went through the confusion, and the suffering. And what seemed to be complicated, like I was in conflict. I couldn’t understand, there were some things taking place in my life and I just couldn’t make sense of it.

And so I sat in the stillness and really listened to what started coming through. And this is a little tidbit about the after game, I’ll say. One day she quit explaining, waiting, and anticipating anything other than what is in this moment. She quit resisting, and suffering seized. Isn’t that interesting?

Guys, have you really thought about when she quit explaining, waiting, and anticipating, that anything else was needed? She called it hopelessness. Committed to not hoping for anything else ever again. Not because she didn’t care, but because the disappointment of caring so much became too heavy.

Attaching to hope and vision is resisting what actually is. That has proven to be painful and pressuring and leaves her always waiting. See if you can sit with that one for a moment. When we attach to hope and vision, and when we resist what is because we are hoping for something better, hoping for something more. I didn’t realize how much pain and pressure that was causing. It’s like you don’t know until you know. Releasing attachment to future vision, hope, and desire is light and easy.

Allowing life to deliver is a practice. Of course, it took some prying away from the old habits and behaviors of the mind wanting to control, wanting to know, and wanting to do what others expected. Some call it giving up. Others say it’s a negative attitude. And another believes it could close off opportunities to think this way.

But she says it creates freedom, ease, liberation, and potential of limitless surprises to appear. In this moment, going back is nonnegotiable. Because she is forever changed. There is nothing wrong, nothing to fix, nowhere to go. And nothing else to attain that is better than being here right now.

Drop regrets of the past and worry of the future. When she accepts what is, she allows what is to be. That is ultimately, so much greater than the mind could have imagined because it had yet to be experienced. Pretty deep stuff, right? I’m not even sure if you got all of that. But I can tell you this, it took me a few weeks to really sort through this and to be able to deliver it in a way that even made sense to myself.

The best way I can explain this without sounding negative, because I don’t mean hopelessness as in giving up. I mean it as in to quit attaching and hanging on to needing things or people to be different than they are.

It was actually the act of accepting, of acknowledging, of allowing people to be who they are in the process that they’re in, in this time and space. I was feeling so much pressure. And I put this on myself, no one did this to me. It was my own attachment to a future vision that I, keyword, could see. It was an attachment to the hope that things would be different.

Now I want you all to really consider this. Think about what we’ve gone through in the last, what is it 18 months? I don’t even know. And hoping this goes away, hoping things get better, hoping it doesn’t stay like this forever, hoping we don’t have to continue all of this stuff. But guess what that has done? It put us in waiting.

Waiting for a certain time. Waiting for something else, for something to change. We could spend a lifetime in this holding space, in this waiting, hoping that it will be better when, fill in the blank. It’ll be better when he changes. It’ll be better when he sees me different. It’ll be better when she appreciates me. It’ll be better when she grows up or when she does this or he does that.

How often do you find yourself in this state of waiting and hoping for something other than what is right now? You know, this blew my mind. And when my friend said, “I’m afraid you may miss out on an opportunity. There may be a door you’re not seeing or that may appear.” And I’m like, it’s kind of like we don’t fall off the wagon and there is no door.

This is what we have. But we don’t want to face it. We don’t want to see it. We don’t want to experience it. We want to hope and attach ourselves to thinking that another time, another day will be better than right now.

Have you ever really questioned that? Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. It’s waiting. And there’s an attachment to that waiting, I’m going to wait until I lose 30 pounds. I’m going to wait until I make $30,000. I’m going to wait until I have my words all right and my website done. Like we hope that this goes away really soon. We hope it’s not like that next year. We hope it’s not like that next school year, or whatever it is.

How many times do you use the word hope against what is right now? And not appreciating everything as it is in this moment because we’re hoping and waiting. And that takes us completely out of appreciating, right? Because we’re so future focused, like I’ll be happy when this happens. I hope it happens soon.

I have caught myself so many times going to use that word again. It’s like so many times, I refuse to use it. I am so aware, so conscious of how much I was postponing my life and waiting. And not living, and expecting, and holding out, and holding back because I was hoping someone else would behave different, something would happen differently, something would be something else that it’s not.

I don’t think that’s living. And I don’t think it’s negative, I actually feel so liberated. I feel so calm. It feels so much easier when I’m able to look at life as life is and allow it to be. And drop the expectation and the hope of something else. So that something possibly even better could come along.

But I couldn’t even see or accept that because I was so attached to the hope. So let’s see if this makes sense. When we get so attached to the thing that we envision that is not now, in other words, we get attached to the thing that we envision that is not here.

And when we do that, we don’t allow for surprises. We don’t allow for the gifts that life can bring us that is so much better. Because the mind cannot imagine what it has yet to see, experience, or receive.

So we can’t even imagine how good it could be. So we’re cutting it short. We are shorting ourselves when we hope for this thing, and we don’t accept what is, and we don’t allow what more could come. It’s kind of what is it, meta, deta? I don’t know what it is. It’s this serene acceptance that has brought me so much joy.

I want you guys to go try this out. This is going to be a short podcast this week. I want you to play around with it. I want you to notice how many times you use the word hope. I hope this goes away. I hope this ends soon. What if we drop the hope, we just completely let go of it? And then we drop down into our bodies in this present time right now. And we fully appreciate and accept.

Just breathe into life as it is. Whoever it is that you live with, whatever it is that you’re hoping for to change, just imagine it won’t. And just accept everyone and everything at face value. Yep, this is what it is. This is how they are. This is how I am. This is how it is. And just be there.

I dare you just to close your eyes and just allow all of that to come through. See what it tastes like, see what it feels like, Just fully experience. Your partner, or your partnerships, or your career, it doesn’t matter. Use whatever is troubling you right now that you hope is going to be different. Use that, whatever that looks like health, wealth, relationships, doesn’t matter.

Now just imagine this is it, this is as good as it gets. And be there and fully accept it. Feel what sensations come up for you. Don’t run away from it, stay here. Feel it all the way through. This is like dancing in the darkness or dancing with the shadow, right? I have a previous episode called shadow dancing, go and check that out.

It’s been willing to even be in the darkness. To be in, I don’t know, sometimes it’s shame, sometimes it’s fear, sometimes it’s worry. Whatever
it is. Can you not only allow it and accept it, but can you appreciate it? This is how they are, or it is, in this moment.

Let it come in. What comes up for you? Can you even stay in your body when you’re thinking about it, when you’re considering it? Are you having trouble staying? Do you want to run? Do you want to close it off? Do you want to react? What if you just stayed? What if you just stayed a little longer?

And now what can you find about that situation that is perfect? Or that person that is perfect right now? And what else? And what else is perfect about it, or about them? One more time, and what else? What if this is as good as it gets in this moment. And you were able to stay with it, you were able to look it in the eye, finding compassion, and empathy, and grace, and understanding.

Just try. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to change it. Don’t try to hope ii a way. It’s just like when I first started this off and I said the person you think you are is the person you were taught to be. Think about this in that same way. That hope that you think is going to make everything better, is just something you were taught.

And when you can recognize that, then you could be empowered by the idea that you can teach yourself to change your circumstance, to change your identity, to accept what is right now. And then to open the mind to receive something that you maybe haven’t even imagined yet that could be so much better than the mind could conceive.

Just pause, open, allow, consider. Just the willingness to consider will expand you beyond anything you could ever imagine. Just that willingness. We are so hooked on control and we don’t want to let it go. We think hoping is helping.

And I want you to consider something different. Maybe just for this moment, maybe just for this week. Just notice how many times hope takes you out of the present moment. Hope takes you away from what you could be appreciating, what you could be grateful for, what you could be exploring and expanding.

See if you can just stay here, staying in presence. And then begin to unpack all of those beliefs about something else or somewhere else or someone being something else could be different. Just begin to unpack it, just let it fall apart. Let it unravel. Just for fun. Just for fun.

All right. That’s what I have for you this week. Pretty short, right? See if you can tap into hopelessness. Find the joy, find the ease, find the freedom. Tap into the willingness to let go, to explore, to open to something new and different.

Allow life to gift you. Just see what comes and be willing to be surprised. Let go of control. Let go of attachment. See if you can spend more time in your body. When you notice you’re anxious, you’re nervous, you’re fearing, you’re frustrated, you’re wanting things to change, just notice.

Interesting that my mind thinks my life will be better if they are different. My mind thinks I will be happier if I live somewhere else. My mind thinks I will be happier if they do not do that thing. My mind’s pretty busy, my mind’s pretty active. My mind thinks a lot.

Could you separate yourself from your mind? This is where we get so caught up at is, we’re on the stage at the theater, in the story, in the emotion. See if you can take a seat in the audience and separate. Separate yourself from your mind, from your story and drop into your body. And then just watch and experience life from a different perspective.

If you want to take this work deeper and you want to change your identity or your personality, and you want to become something other than what you’ve been taught to be, I want to invite you to Self-Healing Masters.

This is where we really dial in to bio-individuality. And we begin to question your beliefs. Who told you that? Where did you learn that? Is it true? Do you have to suffer this way? Can you self-heal? Is that possible for you? Why wouldn’t it be? Who told you that? Where did you hear that?

All of that. We start questioning, and unpacking, and unraveling so that you can be empowered. So that you can be in your own authority. It’s okay to question, guys. It’s not a bad thing. It’s okay to question. It’s okay to wonder. It’s okay to explore. And it’s okay to change.

Release the societal conditioning, the generational patterns, the sexual stigma. All of the things that you’ve been taught to fear. Just be willing to play with it. All right, let me know how it goes. Until next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.