Ep #138: Human Design Immersion: Reflectors

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Kim: Hello, hello. Welcome to the More Than Mindset show. I am talking about Human Design reflectors today and these three gorgeous women are reflectors. And we’re going to talk about their experience, finding out they were a reflector, what does that mean to be a reflector? And how are you using this information in your life?

So I’m going to start with Sandy. And so, Sandy, if you want to just introduce yourself, and then we’ll move to Candy, and then Tammy. Pretty interesting here is Tammy is brand new to Human Design. And so this sharing today, a big part of it is to see the relatability and to see if this is something that she understands and she’s experienced. Because it’s different for all of us. But you guys are 1% of the population, which makes it really interesting. So, hi Sandy.

Sandy: Hi. Hi, everybody. I’m Sandy Shriemer. I’m one of Kim’s integrative life coaches, and through Kim I got exposed to Human Design. And I guess it was about two years ago that I then found out that I was a reflector.

Kim: What was that for you the first time, Sandy, when you started reading about it? I remember we were just kind of like, “Oh my God, this is so fun. Let’s explore.”

Sandy: I know, and you thought it was so spectacular and fantastic and like I was some kind of unicorn. So it was, I guess, shocking in a sense. I didn’t understand what was so unique or special about it, I guess, just finding out that they’re just 1% of the population. But I couldn’t really understand what the big deal was about it so much.

But, yeah, the more I learned about it, it was actually quite freeing and explained so much from my past, how I related to people, or how maybe I related to people yet I didn’t feel that I fit into a lot of different circles. So it was freeing and it provided explanations for a lot of things. It provided a lot of clarity for me.

Kim: Whenever you say it explained things about your past, could you elaborate a little bit about that?

Sandy: I guess just that feeling of never quite knowing where I fit in or where I belong. And yet the feeling that I could relate to almost anybody and everybody. So finding out that I wasn’t meant to truly fit in, that was a big eye opener for me. Like you’re not meant to be like this person or like that person, I’m here to reflect them.

So it explained a little bit why I could fit in with different groups of people yet still not feeling like I truly belong, if that makes any sense. It explained why I could kind of be like a chameleon in a sense where I could relate to people up here, I could relate to people down here.

Kim: I’m thinking of something that you said early on when we were talking about who your niche was going to be, who you were working with. And I remember you using the word shit magnet.

Sandy: A shit magnet, I think I used the term shit magnet. Yeah, I mean, that explains a lot too, like why I’ve had the relationships I’ve had. My tendency towards codependency in past relationships. A lot of that is explained by the open centers and the fact that if we’re not careful, we can truly be sponges to everybody else’s emotions.

My mom used to say that to me, “Do you feel like a shit magnet often?” And I said yeah, because it’s like there was always a stormy cloud over my head throughout my life. Struggles in relationships was probably my biggest thing back in my 20s, 30s, and even part of my 40s. The first part of my 40s I would say.

So yeah, it’s made a lot of sense once I found out. I don’t want to say found out the reason for these things, but found out a little bit more about myself that explained why I kind of got myself into the spaces that I often found myself in.

Kim: Mm-hmm, I see that even talking to you guys before we started this call with like my body is so sensitive to what’s going on with the planet, as to what’s going on in the environment. And, I mean, I have some defined centers, so I can only imagine. Of course, I can’t experience what you guys are experiencing, but I can only imagine just from the taste of what I experience of what that could be like.

And your centers are different, you guys are meant to reflect. So it’s a little bit different, but just when you would use the words like about being the shit magnet or it’s like people wiping their feet on you as a mat, you know, just kind of leaving that. It’s like it really is so reflective of what you experience. So I’m kind of with you on the part that it makes sense so that I can understand that it’s not personal.

Sandy: That’s exactly right, I don’t want it to be like you talk to us all the time about not relating to it so much that it becomes almost like a crutch for us. So I don’t want to look at it that way. But it just really did open my eyes as to why I found myself in the places I found myself. And even now with my health, relationships are much better for me now. It’s a completely different story.

But again, it just explains how easy it is for us to absorb as opposed to sample, I guess, and then letting go.

Kim: Yes, because you know what to do with it instead of sucking it all up like a straw is. So much more empowering to understand.

Candy, you’re shaking your head so I feel like you’re about to relate. Would you like to introduce yourself and then kind of tell us your experience of finding out?

Candy: Sure, my name is Candy Leigh, thank you for having this conversation with us, Kim. I am an author, and a coach, and yoga teacher. And I have been loving how these different things, while they could be diverse or different, are coming together in very unique ways that make sense in the moment.

And that’s also part of what I have learned as being a reflector, is this surprise of when something feels like it’s a surprise to me, when something feels a little enlightening, that’s a clue that I’m on the right path. That’s our signature, that’s where we find ourselves and then where we can appreciate that magic as opposed to the feeling disappointed about things. Which would say that we’re on the wrong track, if you will.

But I found out about Human Design, Kim, in a call with you, where it was right before Self Healing Master started and we were doing kind of an intro call. And you said, “So tell me about yourself, and what do you do.” And this was just over a year ago, I think.

And I shared with you my what I do, what I did in my corporate world. What I was doing for the book that I wrote, how I love to travel and just sharing life experiences and sharing my reflections on the journey of life and how maybe my story can help other people.

And throughout that conversation, I just remember your eyes getting wider and looking at me. And then you finally saying, “Do you know that you’re a reflector?” And I said, “No, I don’t even know what that is. Tell me more.” And then you said, “When you’re writing, when you’re doing that, you were in your divine essence.”

And I will never forget what a light that shone for me and how surprising that felt for me in that moment. And then I was like, “All right, I’m hooked. Tell me more about what this is. And what do we mean Human Design and reflector?” And so that started my journey with Human Design, which I’m a 1/3 reflector, so for me it’s all about investigating and learning and digging deep and then experiencing.

Which, for me, when I looked back and said, “Oh my gosh, this is my life, I have lived that 1/3 past over and over and over again. And still to this day, I’ve got a stack of books behind my laptop that’s all about Human Design, and the gene keys, and all the different yoga books, and kind of that quantum physics, all of those things. And I want to know and learn and soak it in.

And now rather than making excuses for well I shouldn’t have to know all that, I’m like, “No, that’s just part of who I am, I like to learn, I like to experience.” And I can relate to a lot of what Sandy is saying with looking back on my life and realizing there were times where I was not being my true self or I was simply being conditioned and absorbing from other people and taking it on as my own.

The shit magnet piece, can definitely relate. That’s been a chapter or two in my life too. And then as the three line in my profile would say, but there’s no failure, there is only lessons learned from all of those experiences. And in this moment, I think what’s most impactful for me is recognizing the gift of time and understanding that there really is no urgency around most of the things that we encounter in life. There’s no need to make a snap decision.

And for some people that is great, and that is right, that is how they’re designed. And for people like us, it’s okay to say, “Huh, let me just sit with that. Let me soak that in, let me reflect on it for the lunar cycle, for the 30 days and move forward.”

When as I look back in my life too, there have been instances and experiences where I’ve said, “I need time to think about it” and people have looked at me and said, “No, we need a decision right now.” About very big, big decisions in life. And then I would say, “Then I guess my decision is no, I’m walking away from this, that’s just not okay with me.” And now that I look back on those experiences I’m like, “Oh my gosh, I was experimenting with my design even before I knew that I had a design.

Kim: That’s so interesting because I will often see that. So, one of my friends, I’ve been asking her for her birth time for over a year and she wouldn’t give it to me and I finally got it. And when I looked at her design, I was like, “She is so in alignment already.” I mean, it just made total sense.

And then sometimes we’re like, “Oh, this person is completely opposite.” Like you’re 20 something years in corporate, like in that ride and die kind of, how did that feel in your body to be in that?

Candy: So yeah, it’s really interesting because I had a really phenomenal corporate career of 20 years. And it was a great company, great experiences when I was with the right team, and when I was with the right people doing the right work.

So I’m a trained facilitator, and so when I would be working with groups and facilitating, I would just know because I can reflect. I can understand and I can read that energy within the people and the dynamics and kind of know where we’re going, how to move us back to where we need to be, or how to let it go for a while and then bring it back. These were all things that you can train somebody to do, but then you have to be able to artfully feel it. There’s a science and an art to all of that.

When I was in those types of roles or working for advocating in the diversity inclusion space, those things that I was really passionate about, social justice causes, all of those things for me felt in alignment on a daily basis at corporate. But towards maybe the last five years in my career, when I was not with the right people, not with the right team dynamics, and not doing the right kind of work with my environment, feeling like it was crumbling around me, I felt sicker and more exhausted every day.

And it was like a downward spiral. And I have some health issues too, that really came to a head starting in about 2019. And then even earlier this year, found out about some things that are going on in my body that I need to really handle.

But when you’re not in alignment, your body just starts to feel this, “Get me out of here. It’s time to jump ship. I’m too exhausted.” And I’m not talking about, “Oh, I’m just too tired to get up today.” I’m talking about this chronic exhaustion, I’m awake and I all I want to do is sleep and I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep. And now I’m awaken and I want to move but I can’t move because I’m so exhausted, like that type of exhaustion.

So yeah, those last couple of years in corporate were really rough. And then here’s the kicker, the deprogramming from that experience has also been quite a journey. Because it’s now recognizing certain things, and unlearning or deconditioning, deprogramming from those old thoughts and behaviors.

So every time my phone rings, every time I get an email I don’t have to jump and respond and make sure everybody’s okay, and does this team have this and this person have this? And it’s now like I get to set the boundaries for what I need for my body, for my health, for my time, from what I need for my mental process too, and that has made a world of difference.

Kim: So good. So I want to kind of stay on this part about the environment and then I’m going to come to Tammy. But I wanted to kind of let you guys kind of talk on it and then come back to her and let even her asking questions, or maybe relating to see what this is like.

Because being in the wrong environment is crucial, or being in the right environment is crucial for you guys. Because you’re absorbing all of that and it does affect your MO your physical, emotional, mental, that whole thing.

But I think the when Sandy and I really had several conversations about this, and she has dealt with health issues and she’s recently moved and it’s like, oh my god, you look like– Well all three of you have recently moved, which is interesting. So we have so many people in Self Healing Masters who have moved, completely transitioned their life. They’re starting the unpacking process.

So Candy and Sandy, what have you experienced personally by moving environments? You’ve both moved homes, and you’ve both left jobs, careers, marriages, that sort of thing. So could you share that?

Sandy: Gosh, yeah, just now, I shouldn’t say just now but with this house move now and being in a new neighborhood, new house I can see what an impact now truly being in the right space has on us. And I can attest to being in the wrong environment, how that can physically, emotionally, mentally make us so sick.

I guess I was probably in my mid 20s when I first got my first ailment, if you want to say it that way. I was in a very toxic marriage, I stayed in that marriage for 10 or 11 years, I guess it was. And by the end of the marriage I was diagnosed with lupus. So that was my first autoimmune diagnosis.

Then I had about a year off, being a single mom and just kind of gathering myself all over again, obviously getting past a lot of emotional hurt and pain and still dealing with the physical symptoms. But then I got myself into another relationship, another marriage and that one also ended badly.

Through that marriage I developed chronic pain syndrome, whether it was fibro or myofascial pain, whatever, you know, the pain of lupus even. So all through my 20s and my 30s it’s like if I would have known then that I was a reflector, I guess I would have had a better early warning system. I would have seen what my environment was doing to my health.

But I couldn’t make any correlation back then to that. It’s hugely important, not just the place you’re at, but obviously the people that you’re with, who you hang out with. Yeah, definitely.

Kim: Could you feel the difference, like moving to another environment does it feel physically feel different?

Sandy: I had a beautiful house, I came from a townhouse in the city in the busiest neighborhood in our city. And this townhouse was located right on a traffic circle. Even though I loved my little space, the noise, the constant noise of the traffic and the busyness, just I always felt off living there and I guess kind of rattled at times. But not yet ever really being able to pinpoint what’s not right here? What’s irritating me so much?

But yes, as soon as we were on a house hunting journey and we looked at a lot of the houses, when we walked into this one it’s just it was like, “Ah,” I could just exhale. It was not something I could explain other than I knew as soon as we entered this space, that this was the place that we would be. Yeah, it was a feeling that washed over me that it was just kind of peace and bliss really.

Kim:  Interesting. Candy, how about you? Because you’ve left a career, a husband, and a house.

Candy: So I was divorced almost 10 years ago. And divorce is a journey in itself. And there’s lots of ups and downs that go along with that leading up to divorce, during the divorce, and then after the divorce. And so what I have found in working with my therapist, my coach, and others along that journey is that it’s really important to protect my peace, no matter what that looks like.

And also doing the inner work that is required to take accountability for my role in my life. So don’t be the victim of your design, right? What is my role in my life and what am I doing? And what do I have control over?

One of the things that I would say in building on what Sandy is saying too, is I have never really felt, I’ll say, at home in my community. My best friends are kind of scattered across the globe. I’m in the Midwest, one of my best friends is out west, one of my best friends is on the southeast coast, and then one is in England. And my college roommates who are also my best friends are all in Minnesota.

And last night my daughter and I were talking on the phone and she said to me, “I’m going with my friends, we’re going to go chase the sunset for a while.” And I just thought, “Oh my gosh, what a beautiful thing to do with your people, with your friends.” And this wave of disappointment came over me that I’m not with my people, that I’m not with my friends where I can grab them and we can go do those things.

Now, life circumstances are not going to allow me to live in multiple areas across the world with my friends during different parts of the year. I have children that I am raising also, so it’s like what do I have control over in this space? And my friends that I have who are in this community, when we can make time for each other how can we make that happen? And the relationship that I’m in, we enjoy each other’s company, like it feels so good and so right.

All of those different pieces, it is, yes, about the building that you’re in or the home that you’re in. And I downsized from one home to where I am right now because of the amount of stress it was putting on me for thinking about, “Oh my god, the roof, the fence, the yard work, the planting, the weeding, everything that has to keep on getting done and it never it never ends.” And my health prevents me from enjoying some of that work, I have some spinal issues.

And so with that, I thought it’s just time. These repeated thoughts are it’s time to move, it’s time to actually take the next step in making that transition. So my space now feels like contained energy. And I feel like the people that I choose to spend my time with are ones that enrich my soul. And if I’m ever in an environment where it all of a sudden feels like this is not right for me, or I’m with people and they are not lifting, like the energy does not feel lifted up, I will not hesitate to excuse myself.

There have been times where people that I’m with are like, “Oh, all of a sudden you’re very quiet.” I said, like, “I’m done, I will not be sharing energy. There’s no energy exchange. I know we have to be here for another half an hour, I’m done, that’s it.” And it’s not meant to be out of rudeness, it’s not meant to be out of anything except protecting my own peace because I know how detrimental that can be to your personal health, even pain management and other things too.

Kim: Tammy, is any of this making sense?

Tammy: Yeah,

Candy: I want to add one quick thing too about looking back and, Tammy, maybe this would resonate with you too. In growing up, Sandy, what you were saying was being a chameleon, being able to fit in in multiple places, but never exactly feeling like you belong.

I was on a call with some reflectors a while back and we were talking about how when we were in our high school years, junior high years, we could fit in with all these different groups and go to the drama, and go to the sports, and be with the band, and go hang out with these people, and these people in these groups, and these groups, but never necessarily feeling like one was home.

And someone said, “When I realized I had all these open centers I felt like oh my god, I’m nothing. Just who am I? What am? I’m nothing.” And then it was, “Actually, I’m everything. I am everything that I’ve experienced in this life. And it is a beautiful, beautiful thing.” So, sorry to interrupt, Tammy.

Kim: I love that because that was definitely one of the concerns when Sandy and I talked. She’s like, “Well, what does that mean? I don’t even know who I am. I’m nobody. I’m nothing. I can’t even put my finger on it.” It’s like, you’re actually like an expression of all, but it changes from day to day, correct?

You don’t know, today and tomorrow are probably not going to be the same experience. Because you’re experiencing the transits, you’re experiencing the environment, and then whatever is going on in your own life. Correct? Does that make you feel a little, what? I don’t want to put words in your mouth. Can you do it in in a fun explorative way? Or does it feel a little still kind of wonky because you haven’t figured it out yet?

Sandy: For me, I still feel like sometimes I probably come off a little bit flaky.

Kim: Because you change your mind or because you change your?

Sandy: Yeah, because I change my mind. Like one day I’m super hot on coaching and the next day it’s just kind of meh to me. I have a few certifications and even before I got into the coaching world, the life coaching, the health coaching, the breath work facilitator, I did an interior design course.

And it’s like, I wouldn’t stick with anything at that point in time. So I think to the world, not I think, like my kids used to say, “Mom, you don’t ever stick with anything. You don’t follow through on anything.” I have followed through on things. But yeah, I got into a period where it was like kind of one thing after another and I just couldn’t quite land on what I felt was the right thing.

So I think probably people still might see me as a little bit flaky. It’s nicer to look at it as a way of, yeah, we’re meant to be samplers, we’re meant to sample lots of different vocations, careers, people, environments. That’s just who we are. And so that feels a lot better in the heart than to think of yourself as flaky and you can’t land on a damn thing.

Kim: Yes, for sure. I’m like permission to explore and to taste and to express and share what you’re discovering. I think that’s so exciting. Of course, I’m saying it from my perspective, but I don’t believe anyone should be a victim of their design. There’s no one design better than the other. We’re literally consciousness expressing in different ways. Like that’s it, it’s all the same.

So I can bring something forward for you to get a taste of, and then you can reflect something for me to get a taste of, something from somewhere else also. And I think when we can see it, it just takes the pressure off. I don’t want to be like everyone else. I don’t want everyone else to be like everyone else. It really is about permission to– So what if you don’t know what you’re going to want tomorrow and it’s something different from yesterday, so what?

Sandy: Exactly, and like Candy I also have the first line so I too am the investigator. So I’m meant to have my nose in all sorts of different things.

Kim: But you’ve judged yourself because society has judged you? Like were you hard on yourself personally? Or is it because you thought you should be different, that other people thought you should be different?

Sandy: No, I can say that I judged myself.

Kim: Because I’m always excited like, “Hey, can you reflect back what’s going on in Self Healing Masters. Can you tell me what’s going on there? I want some feedback on what’s happening here. Can we pull cards? Can we do some channeling? Let’s just go play.” I think that’s so fun and exciting.

Sandy: Yeah, and I still feel like I’m just kind of coming into some of those gifts. So when you ask things like that, sometimes I get a little freaked out.

Kim: Yeah, I love the idea that when I’m looking at the charts and looking at the transits, that it’s a completely different, well for all of us it’s a completely different design according to the transits that are coming through. But for you, it’s like daily, daily, daily, daily.

Candy: It’s like three times a day.

Kim: Yeah, yeah. I know, when you were like, “Can you do the moon transits?” I’m like, “Uh, that’s kind of a lot.”

Candy: Trust me, I know.

Kim: Tammy, do you have any questions for these girls? Or is there any, like do you want to share anything that you’ve experienced?

Tammy: I’m just still trying to learn the whole process and the meaning of being a reflector. I can relate on relationships. I can say that I have not had one good relationship. Trying to understand why and to learn how this whole reflector Human Design thing works. And as a child as well, I never fit in either, as a child. In school always felt left out, I had friends. But I can relate to everything that they said. Yeah.

And even now, working the jobs that, I don’t know if I want to say my purpose. I mean, every job I’ve had, is only a job because I needed the income, not really a job that I feel I’d love. And still trying to figure out what that is, what my passion is. And to be indecisive and not making decisions and making the wrong decisions. Yeah, I can relate to all of that. Not being able to make decisions. And I’ve always said to myself, “Why can’t I make decisions?” And when I make decisions, it’s always the wrong thing.

Kim: Or it’s different the next day, right? It’s different. Can you all talk on that? I think those are the two most interesting things for me, is you basically wake up as a new person on a regular basis. And I’m wondering if you can physically feel that and sense that, and what’s the voice in your head saying?

Candy:  I think it’s interesting to wake up every day and be like, “Who am I today?” Very sincerely, and how do I feel and check in with myself. And for me, it’s more about energy levels. Like some days I’m like, “Got to go, like we’re in the cleaning mode, we’re going to tap into that because we have energy to do it right now. And we’re in we’re going for it.” Or forget it, I can write a little and I’m going to lay down and I need to just be taken care of today. I can’t do it.

I think that it’s kind of a blessing and a curse, though. And I can speak also, Tammy, like you were saying, a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month ago, two months ago, I was like, “I think I want to go back and get my doctorate.” I really have always been passionate about teaching facilitating, and I’d love to go back to college to teach because I was a TA when I was doing graduate school. And I think I’m going to go get my doctorate.

And two days later I was like, “Why would I want to possibly go back and write a freaking dissertation? No, absolutely not.” Well, guess what? Right now, these last couple days I’m like, “Oh, kind of sounds like it would be great again.” I’m sure it’s not.

Kim: That’s the thing you need to do for the 28 days.

Candy: Right.

Kim: For those who don’t know, we kind of put a challenge out that Candy and Sandy would decide on something that they would play with for 28 days.

Candy: And I’ve got a couple of things that are in the margins in my journal that are like, “Oh, on the seventh I started thinking about this.” And does it keep coming up for me, is my key. Does it keep coming up for me? And does it come up for me with the same excitement? That I feel like is a really important piece.

But that opportunity to reinvent ourselves, when I was in my good corporate years, we used to say we have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves laterally year after year. Like you could do a year in a position and then like “Oh, I’m going to rotate over here and learn this.” And it felt good to be able to do that. I think that was part of the reason that I had this longevity there. But then when it was time to be done, it was definitely like it was just time.

Kim: How is it to ride the sacral? Like whenever you’re seeing that the sacral is defined, can you guys sense that and do you have more energy?

Candy: I don’t sense it as well. That’s not something thing that I’m really tuned into yet.

Kim: Sandy, do you find that there’s some days that you’re energized or – No? Because I’m not, like I don’t consider myself an expert in this. I feel like we’re all exploring and figuring it out. And I don’t like the hard rules like you need to eat alone, you need to wait this many hours. Y’all know that, you all know me better than that, I’m like, “Actually, let’s go explore and discover and see.”

Now that it’s being experienced, we’re learning more about it and it’s coming through these kinds of conversations where we can relate it back and forth, and see, and ask questions. And I don’t have a problem saying I don’t know. I’m actually quite relieved by saying I don’t know and I don’t need to know.

I have a wide open head and Ajna, so I ask lots of questions and there’s lots of need to be certain. And then I have a wide open root, so then I feel the pressure to know and to move on. So I can relate in that aspect.

But I’ve read or heard something about the way that your open centers are, it’s different from a projector, it’s different from just open centers. And it’s that protection that Sandy was talking about earlier. Sandy, can you say a little more about that? Have you researched it?

Sandy: Oh, when I send the Teflon aura?

Kim: Teflon aura, there it is.

Sandy: Okay, yeah.

Kim: I’m wanting to explore your experience with your open centers and what that is like for you in particular when you see these transits come through and then you have this defined chart, that are you experiencing that or not? You haven’t kind of researched it yet.

Sandy: Some time ago I did start going every day to the Jovian just now chart and I was tracking transits every day. And I’ve kind of gotten away from doing that a little bit.

Kim: What did you experience when you saw it? I’m just curious. Like there’s some days my chart is completely, like fully defined depending on what’s passing over. I can’t say that I always notice it, I don’t watch this stuff all the time.

You know when I watch it? A day like today. I’m like, “What’s happening? What’s going on? I’m feeling heavy. I’m in this low, I’m sluggish. Like there is nothing going wrong in my life, personally, what’s happening?” And I’m like, “Freaking Mercury is in retrograde, here it is. All this stuff starts like slowing down. Let’s revisit some things.”

Sandy: Yeah, I don’t know. I feel like it takes a lot of introspection to follow the transits every day. And it’s a finite amount of energy. I found even that took energy.

Kim: Yeah, and it may be that you’re constantly reflecting anyway and tasting and doing it anyway. You probably don’t even need to look at it.

Sandy: That could be, yeah. So I’m not sure how to answer that other than to say, yeah, I was doing it for some time. I did find it took a lot of energy and I just kind of naturally drifted away from it for a while. And maybe I need to get back to it, but then maybe I don’t.

Kim: Maybe I don’t, I love that. Maybe I can just experience what comes today and tomorrow and the next day and just let it be what it is.

Sandy: Yeah, exactly.

Kim: What if it’s that easy?

Sandy: That would be beautiful.

Kim: I’m also enjoying exploring it, not with just myself but with others who are just being introduced and we’re just kind of unraveling and unpacking it. And I feel like it’s an important conversation because so many people are just coming into it. So to be able to find this video and get some feedback of just testing out the waters, and then be able to relate again in six months or a year and to see what has come from that. Go ahead, Candy.

Candy: Yeah, I was going to say, if I were brand new to Human Design and wanting to hear something in addition to what we’ve already discussed, one thing would be that reflectors, sometimes we need to talk through all of our thoughts. And one of the best things that people can do is help reflect it back for us, like reflect the reflector. Or just let us talk through it so we can figure out what we already know.

And sometimes, my very best friends in the world are the ones who have allowed me to sort of just talk and ramble and listen, and maybe show me a mirror here or there. But then just let me kind of sort out the decisions that I have where it goes awry sometimes or where you might feel like they’re– 

Find your sounding board people, but the people who are not your sounding board people are the ones who are like, “Well you should know this,” or “I can’t believe you’re doing that again,” or “Why are you talking about this? You always talk about this.” You know what? Yes, and I need you to hear me because I got to hear myself.

Because that need to talk through, yes, open throat center but also the need for the reflection that comes with those sound waves is critically, critically important. So make sure you have good people in alignment with you to help hear you.

Kim: I would say the thing that I notice is when someone is feeling sick, or exhausted, or just off is to really check in with your environment and see what’s going on there. Because that is not just reflectors, it’s all of us. We find ourselves in these conditioned positions, where you just kind of think it’s just the way life is and you’re not feeling well or it’s just because you’re getting old or whatever the story and all of that stuff has been. That we can all be at risk of that.

Candy: Can I ask a question to Tammy and Sandy?

Kim: Yeah.

Candy: I’m curious, one of the things that I guess has been articulated to me and I’ve articulated more recently is this need to feel seen. I feel like I want to be invited into a conversation or asked for feedback or asked for things rather than being expected. And it’s almost as if when that invitation is there, it feels like okay, now it’s the right time to share wisdom, it’s the right time to be seen in this way.

Otherwise, it’s like I’m just going to be a chameleon until further notice. In lots of ways, family, friends, others. So I’m just curious if either of you feel that way too.

Sandy: For myself, I would say I have often gotten the invitation and still not felt ready to share. And Kim is smiling because she knows that’s absolute truth.

Kim: And I don’t do it because someone’s a reflector or a projector, I swear to you guys. When I feel compelled, I just do.

Sandy: So I get the invitation, Candy, and I still feel that I’m not quite ready to share, so yeah.

But the whole idea of not feeling seen and not feeling heard, I so relate to that big time as well. That’s always been my thing and so it’s never made sense to me. If that’s almost like a wound for me, an old, old wound, I’m not seen, I’m not heard. And then I get the invitation to speak and be visible and be seen, and then I turn down the invitation. Yeah, there’s some dissonance there. I’m not sure what that’s all about, actually.

Kim: We’ll definitely keep the story going.

Sandy: Yeah, absolutely.

Kim: Kind of unconsciously do that. How about you, Tammy? Did you want to give her some feedback?

Tammy: To be seen? Yes. And to be heard? Yes. I feel that nobody hears me when I talk and that nobody listens.

Candy: I think it’s a really interesting thing, that sense that is am I even seen? Or am I simply a reflection of somebody else to them? Like we can be very good at showing back up for people when they need things, or when they see things, or want things, or to discuss things. But then
what about being seen for who I am too?

And I think about that in various instances throughout my entire life. And now like, oh, okay, so maybe it’s a function of being reflective of others, as opposed to standing in the truth of who I am. Something else to play with and think about.

Kim: Yeah, like, here’s the opportunity. And we’re all in Self Healing Masters, so it’s not like we can’t get the opportunity again, but I think it’s quite interesting just to have three reflectors in this small community, that within itself.

But to answer that question, like I invited all of you separate, how did you feel? Like being seen, being experienced, being invited to come on and share your experience?

Candy: It made me really happy. It made me feel like, “Oh, I’m part of the club, I’m part of the gang. I get to share. I get to share a little bit about how this is all going.”

I think as reflectors too, anybody who’s a reflector you start googling, right? Yeah, everyone starts, especially if you had a one in that profile, you’re looking for information, and who am I? What does this mean? What is a reflector? And there’s an inordinate amount of information about every other type, and then you get to reflectors, it’s like there’s this much.

I know one of the first groups that I was participating in about being a reflector, they’re like, “Yeah, this is our world. That’s just how it is. We have to create all the information.” And I thought, well, there is some beauty in that.

And when you did this invitation, or even on the call the other day, where we were talking about Human Design, I was like, “Yes, we’re going to talk about some reflector stuff.” Just because I know how helpful it will be for others who are just starting this journey.

Kim: To find it.

Candy: Yes, absolutely.

Kim: I feel the same way with the 6/2 off the roof, by the way. But this is fairly new, we’re really just all kind of figuring it out. And the four and six lines, when I first found out about it and that there was three stages of life. And I started Googling and I found one person and I’ve done quite a bit of mentoring with her since then, but they are few and far between. Matter of fact, this is in our proposal of something that we have a community that’s getting together to do to leave.

And so this is an invitation, I tell you guys about the book, the reflector book. So someone did put one out, so it’s coming, it’s there. But when you’re looking at like if there’s a billion people and there’s 1%, of course your crowds going to be small and the information is going to be small.

There’s the book, say the title.

Sandy: It’s just called the Human Design Reflector, Barometer of the World.

Kim: There you go. And who is the author?

Sandy: Amber Clements.

Kim: Candy, you were saying that your book, you realized after you found out about Human Design is actually like a journey of the reflector.

Candy: It is a little bit about the, you know, what is a 1/3 experience and how do you reflect on your life? And the whole premise for my book was supposed to be to go on a road trip, and I was going to blend the things that I love. Which are making connections with people, traveling, and then sharing life experiences and talking about how we’re all connected.

But what happened, what actually came through me in this journey was my own reflections on life lessons as the conversations that I had on the road trip were just like a catalyst for these key life learnings.

And so I remember talking to my publisher and being like, “This is not what we agreed to. I don’t know what I’m going to do here.” And she was like, “Just go with it, just write to your heart’s content, we’ll figure it out. Just do whatever is coming through you.”

And as you know, when you write sometimes the book starts to write itself. And I remember getting home and thinking, this was not the plan, but here it is. And the universe has somehow called me to do this. And so I’m going to put it out here.

And then after we had our conversation, I was like, “Oh, my God, this is really, it’s a book of life lessons that I think, in my opinion, all women will relate to a portion of that.” Whether it’s trauma that’s occurred, a massive transition, a layoff, a massive change in health, and learning to protect your peace and reclaim yourself worth. And I’ve had so many messages about that. And I’m thinking yeah, this is a one three reflector journey 100%, but reflector all the way.

Kim: And it’s all of us, like I’m going to just end it with that. The majority of us humans, trying to be human beings, have been trained to be human doing. And so much conditioning and lack of worthiness and self-acceptance.

And we’ve been taught to look at what’s wrong, even what gets the most attention at school are the bad grades, right? The C, Ds, Fs. The A, Bs are what’s expected. And so we’ve been trained to look at the problem. So of course, we’re looking at what is the problem with us.

And that not feeling like we are understood and belong, because when we’ve tried being ourself, no matter what our design is, we have somehow taken insult personally that we can’t be, it’s not safe to be, that kind of thing.

And I think that’s what’s made me really want to talk more about this and bring in designs. We’re going to bring in profiles, and strategies and authority, and what that experience has been, basically just to share the experience. I mean, there’s no intention or motive around it, it’s really just to open up exploration for other people who maybe don’t feel like they belong to this planet either. We have permission to be different. And we’re going to have to start with giving it to ourself.

Does anyone have anything to add, we have a couple of minutes left, that you think would be worthy of leaving for someone else or a question for each other?

Sandy: Just kind of iterate the value of having a reading done. There’s so much more information that can be revealed to you, more specific to your gates as opposed to just focusing even on the strategy and authority of being a reflector. I found great value in having, I think I had three or four sessions, maybe five even, with a Human Design expert, and I found that super valuable.

Kim: Are you guys open to them reaching out to you and ask questions and to connect? Is that something you’re interested in and growing your own community of people who can relate?

Candy: I’m happy to connect. I actually have helped a couple of people do some basics around their chart, so I’m happy to do that. There are a lot of people out there who have a lot of expertise, and there’s all the classes that you can take. But if you’re just getting started and want to talk through some things, I’m definitely open to that.

And my one piece of advice would be to get yourself a journal that is marked out by the days and just track your feelings, what you’re doing. This is an iterative process that will last a lifetime.

And so you might start, you’re going to start tracking your feelings or track the phases of the moon and just start to notice what’s going on with the moon and what your energy levels are. And then maybe the next month, you can add in a little bit more about your appetite or something like that. And then a little bit more.

As you’re learning about Human Design and as you’re starting to tune into what the moon is as a reflector, you might start falling into wanting to learn more about the gates, the transits, other things. It’s iterative, it takes a long time to stack the knowledge. And so just grab a journal and start somewhere and it will definitely take lots of time to go through that. So that’d be my advice, is just get started on a journal.

Kim: It is a lifetime journey. We’re always discovering more about ourselves and others. All designs, except for a very, very tiny percentage of manifesters, have to wait. This is for all of us. Generators have to wait to respond. Projectors have to wait for the invitation. You guys have to wait for the moon. But we’re all waiting. So what does that tell us? It really is about patience and trust.

Regardless, there is no bad design, they’re all perfect. We’re all a taste of each other. Just an expression of the same source and consciousness and love. And I can’t express that enough because that’s been the thing I feel like I’ve been warning people from, because you will go down a rabbit hole. It’s impossible not to, especially if you’re a one line being, you just will.

And it’s your role, it’s part of what you do. You are researching and discovering and then sharing it. You guys are tasting and then letting us know, reflecting it back to us. It’s not a sentence, like you haven’t pulled a bad card. It’s, for you guys, I feel like it’s the humbleness of just getting to be what is that day. Like is that humbling?

Sandy: It’s humbling, it’s hard to wrap your head around. Or at least that’s been my experience. I think it’s like almost too easy.

Kim: I feel like that’s the feedback I’ve gotten with you, Sandy, just working with you and really sitting with this was like– And I can only relate to it because when I look at my incarnation cross, it’s 10/15 and then the 6/36, and so it’s this naturalness also. And it’s hard. It’s hard to be transparent and natural. You got to go, Candy? Someone’s walking in the room.

Okay, we’re going to go ahead and wrap this up. Thank you for coming. We’re going to keep the conversation going. For those of you who are listening and you want to be a part of this exploration, if you have anything I’m going to go ahead and just be quiet for a moment and let you say goodbyes or whatever it is that you want to leave.

Sandy: I just want to say thanks, Kim, for doing this. It was great. Great talking to the other two reflectors as well.

Candy: Yeah, definitely thank you.  So much gratitude for this. And I would just say the journey to know thyself is not a wasted journey at all.

Kim: Love that.

Tammy: Yes, and thank you. and I am open to learn more and I can’t wait.

Kim: Willing to be surprised in what else we can discover.

All right my friends, I’m going to go ahead and end this.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.