Ep #52: Humble Appreciation

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Hello, hello. Welcome back. Guess what? This is episode 52. That means it’s our anniversary. Yay! I wish I had one of those little clappers in the background, like we had an audience and we can all clap. So fun! Oh my god. And I did the first interview today. It’s going to be live next week, you’ll get that. I am kind of fired up. This is some fun stuff happening.

So, for today, first of all, let me just tell you this. It’s almost midnight. I went to Lafayette this evening, which I very rarely do after dark. The mall closed, I walk outside, and my car has a flat. Brand new experience for me. I was like, “I think OnStar has roadside assistance. I’m not sure,” but I pushed the button and asked, and sure enough I was fully covered.

So, I had the experience of hanging out in the misty rain with my friend Danielle, who turned around to come and visit with me, figuring I was not in a safe space to be sitting by myself in the parking lot. That was my evening. I knew I had to get this in regardless, so I drove straight here to the business and I am recording this for you. So, that’s how my day has been. It’s been pretty eventful.

Okay, so, this is what we’re going to talk about today, appreciation, because I am in such deep appreciation for everything. For this year, for recording 52 episodes. I did it solo. That was not the plan, by the way. The plan has always been, from the beginning, that I would travel the world and interview other people like me, holistic wellness leaders in rural areas who figured out the magic solution ingredients to better health, wealth, relationships, and we’re sharing it.

I wanted to share those resources for a couple of reasons. Number one, it was really to show that I am not the only one saying this. I recognize that I am in a rural area and that it is not the norm, and it is not what we’ve been taught. It’s kind of new age-y and it’s kind of spiritual woo-woo, and it’s a lot of those things, but guys, I’m not the only one saying these things.

I wanted the companionship, I wanted the connection, the company from other people who figured it out like I did. I kind of feel like I spent 30 years hiding in the cellar, really diving into the books online, certifications, just really teaching myself because I wanted to heal, and I learned how to self-heal.

Once you learn this, you can’t keep it to yourself. You want to tell the world. I see so many people suffering. All of the years in the business, they were coming in to exercise, or even back in the day, to get their hair done or their feet done or their hands, their nails. I just heard all of the pain, the physical pain, the emotional pain, the mental anguish.

I listened for years, just hour after hour after hour. I was fully booked for years. It just doesn’t feel right to not share this, and yet I’m sharing something that’s not quite so common, and so, it kind of rubs raw sometimes. It’s like a disbelief that it can’t be possible. You can’t truly do that. That’s not what medicine says, or that’s not what I’ve told, that’s not what the doctor told me.

The thing is, there’s more than one way to heal. The way that you choose is perfect. And I decided that the way I chose was perfect also, and I wanted to talk about it. That’s really why I started this. So, I didn’t do the interviews for whatever reason. I was just resistant to it. I brought equipment with me everywhere I traveled.

When I was away and in nature, I just didn’t – It felt invasive and it felt like it was taking away from the experience that I was having, and it seems like it was equipment and setup and wi-fi wasn’t perfect in some of these locations because it was out of the city limits and kind of in the mountains, so it just never happened.

As the year started coming to an end, I started seeing where it was more available and I started lining up the interviews for you guys, so it’s just the way it worked. Thank you for following along, for hanging out with me for 52 episodes. I have such a deep appreciation for you, for my journey, for this work, for my clients, for the coaches that are also trained in this process and are now my collaborating soul journey buddies, my community, my sunga.

These are my people. It’s like they are the speakers, they’re on the front line, they have done the work. They have become the product, and now they are teaching it. It is the best feeling ever. I don’t think I’ve ever been more satisfied, fulfilled, grateful, and in such deep appreciation.

I’ve been really talking about vulnerability and gentleness, kindness, and honesty. It seems that that’s just where we’re called to be right now. Can we let down our guards and can we feel appreciation for all of life, all of the layers? Whether we’re starting over, whether we’re doing the day in and day out boring stuff, whether we’re at the top of our game, which is where I’ve been feeling with my business.

I have failed so many times, but I’ve still done well. Even though things didn’t work out the way I thought they would, they still worked out, and I’m in such deep appreciation for that. For this particular show, I just really wanted to slow things down and just be honest with you, and be honest with myself about all of the contrast and all of the desires of wanting more and feeling shame about wanting more when society or the program has been that we should settle, or we shouldn’t want so much.

There’s so much shame about that. Even with my clients, it’s like I’ve heard them say things like, “Well, I don’t need to go big like you do,” or, “I don’t need to make as much as you do,” or, “I don’t need to do all of that.” And I’m like, there is so much shame in that, feeling embarrassed to want more.

But guys, it’s really I ask you to inquire this even of yourself, is that something you’re being told? Is that something that you heard growing up? I remember from my dad just like, “J’amie la vie, Kim. When’s enough going to be enough? How much you need to go?” as I’m traveling and really enjoying doing things that we did not do as kids.

I just figured out how to make money. I figured out how to find joy. I figured out how to not feel alone and to find people that I connected to. We do this to our own children. You’ll notice that we do that with our own friends, we just want them to stay safe. So, even for that, I am in appreciation for the limitations, for the contrast, for the desire, and I’m in appreciation of what is, exactly the way that it is today.

The flat tire, the sitting in the parking lot in the rain at 10:00 at night, the warning lights coming on in the car on the way home. So appreciative for OnStar, so appreciative for the lights being on where I could stop on the side of the road and check on my tires.

All of this stuff, I’m just such deep appreciation, and I’m actually going to get to a little assignment for you here, but I wanted to use this as a celebratory episode for all of the things, mind/body connection, mind/body medicine. Would I have learned about health, about lack of health, of how we ignore our body’s language when we are in pain, when we are not listening to the mental and emotional stories that we tell ourselves, and we’re physically suffering because of it?

Such deep appreciation for that understanding. The ability to heal my own body through my mind. Guys, that’s like, you hear about things like that, but you have this doubt anyway. It’s like, “Yeah, I wish it were that easy.” It used to be me, I used to say that, but I truly did, I healed my mind of the negative thoughts, the negative beliefs. I healed my emotions.

All of that closing off for so many years, not feeling brave enough to feel, and bypassing, turning it off, ignoring it, not being vulnerable, acting tough, willpower and white-knuckling. Even that, I’m in such deep appreciation, even for that. Because of that contrast, I now know about joy, about gentleness, about kindness, about self-compassion and self-love. So much gratitude.

And I’m going to ask you, what do you have that you want? Or not what else do you want, but what do you already have right now, in this moment, that you want? The closeness, the bond, the bonds that we share, knowing that if there is any type of crisis or emergency, we’re seriously one text away. We’re really good at that. We’re the tribe that holds it together.

We’ve experienced some tough stuff. We’ve experienced what some may never go through in their lifetime, and we do it together. And for that I am so appreciative. For these new babies, I have 11 grandbabies from high school all the way down to newborns. I’m in such appreciation that I can get in my car and I can go and see them, and meet them, and touch them, and be with them. So much appreciation. 

The majority of them are in my backyard, and the ones that I have to travel to are only five hours away. I can get in my car at 8:00 in the morning, drive there, get snuggles, and drive back. Almost quicker than a shopping trip. And my work that’s so satisfying and fulfilling, my clients who I’m so honored to be a part of their transformation, that they trust me, and they allow me to churn into some of these deep emotions.

They allow me to be with them and to witness their self-healing. I’m in such appreciation for my coaches, my mentors, my teachers, spiritual leaders, all the way back to 20 something years ago, starting with Louise Hay. Her work still lives on in me. So many amazing coaches who have figured it out and who are offering to hold the space for us to figure it out.

I love investing, paying for the experience that they give back. It’s an honor. It’s an honor to invest. I’m very satisfied, fulfilled, grateful, but more than anything else, I just sit in such humble appreciation to have the opportunity to have a business online, to still have a local space where I can come and do my work.

And the community. That was the biggest thing. We are having an epidemic of loneliness. People are lonely. We have more opportunity for connection than ever before, and people are feeling more alone than ever before. Less personal time together, more social media, more online availability.

Less need for others, more DIY and how can I just Google it, figure it out, not need anyone else. And for the vulnerability to be open to accepting my need for other people, that I am in such appreciation for, because I was one tough cookie to crack. You’ll hear this on my interview with Danielle next week, and that’s probably why I’m feeling so soft and gentle and kind and compassionate today, is because we had that opportunity.

And then we met in person, and we did some shopping together, and it’s like this work is so beautiful, and I am in such appreciation for it that just wanted to have this celebratory experience. And body language is probably one of the things I am most grateful for. Understanding our body speaks to us through physical pain, through disease, and illness, and discomfort.

We turn that off and we curse it and we want to get rid of aging. We want to get rid of gray hair. We want to get rid of wrinkles. We want to get rid of the body. We want to get rid of pain. We want to run away from our own humanity. And actually, what we’re being called to is to come into it, to bring more of that essence, more of ourselves into our physical body in this material world.

That is the experience that we came to have in this physical body. The soul in the body suit. We would not be able to have the experience, this perception, these feelings, these sensations, the contrast, without this body. Can we come to appreciation for the body? I didn’t always. It was over a dozen surgeries I had on this body. I thought my body was working against me.

I said, “My body hates me.” And then for a while I said, “My body is my teacher. Pain is my teacher. I learn through pain, because it knocks me to my knees, and then I seek the answers.” My body, I’m so appreciative for it. My feet, after six foot surgeries I can put on a pretty pair of shoes and walk. There was a day I couldn’t do that.

I would buy so many shoes to try to find something comfortable. I would cry. I was getting regular massages just on my feet. I was like, “Just do my feet.” I was in so much pain, but I was in so much fear of moving forward and that has physically manifested in the feet. The fear of moving forward, the fear of taking steps in the forward direction.

Our hips, the inability to thrust forward in trust, shows up in the hips. Then you’re going to take the entire spine back. I suffered through all of this without understanding it. After I understood, I could not un-see it. It’s just the way the body speaks. We are one entity; Mind, body, spirit, soul, connection, all of it, all of us.

In this body our work is to integrate it and to bring it all together. And I have figured out how to do that, and I feel like I own the secret to the universe. I own the secret to joy. I own the secret to health and wealth and amazing relationships. I am in such appreciation for that. I’ll ask you again, what are you in appreciation for? What do you have right now that you really want?

The other two things, emotional regulation. There was a time I could not regulate my emotions. I was just batshit crazy. I was suffering so much loneliness, so much sadness, and I could not regulate my emotions. I had so much rage and so much anger. There was so much injustice that I was holding onto, and I couldn’t forgive, and I couldn’t let go. I didn’t know how.

I couldn’t see another way. And I’ve learned how to manage my emotions. I’ve learned how to regulate them. I’ve learned how to turn them on in the direction of what I want. I’ve learned to turn on joy on purpose, happiness on purpose, appreciation on purpose. I figured out how to do that by managing my mind, my thoughts, my beliefs.

When the beliefs are not in alignment with what I want, with the results that I want to live by, that I want to feel in my life, I can investigate. I know how to unpack the old story. I know how to unveil, how to peel away and get right to the root cause, and I’m very good at it. Is it easy? No. It’s been hell. There are some days that have been hell, but I can do it in pleasure.

I can do it with joy. I can recognize it, and I have the ability to stay in it without running away, without running to the refrigerator and snacking, without grabbing a beer and drinking. There was a time where it was a 12-pack of beer or two bottles of wine and a pack of cigarettes. That is how I dealt with it. I’ve put it to sleep. I’ve put it away. I turned it off. I bypassed it.

And because I learned how to just stay with it and still live in pleasure and live in joy, and live in honesty and vulnerability, there’s so much power and control in that, when you have the ability to manage your mind, to regulate your emotions, feel your feelings, allow sensations to be awoken within you without throwing plates at people.

My kids laugh. They talk about, “Mom, there used to be pots flying across the kitchen and you threw us on the side of the road. You let us out of the car and told us to get the heck out.” I was like, “I did.” I was crazy. I was really stressed out, had a lot of internal anger, and I was so victim-y. I was terrible. All I could see was the negativity and all I can see is all of the things that had gone wrong and I couldn’t find hope.

I just couldn’t see the other side. I had no idea how people did that. I really didn’t have an example in my life that I can go to. How the heck do you stay married and how do you raise these kids? How do you not want to kill them? I felt like I was just holding my breath for years and years and years.

I remember whenever I joined the Mastermind about a year ago, that was my introductory video. I was like, “I have five kids and I have this, and I’ve had this,” and I was like, well I shouldn’t say it that happily. It was pretty hard. It was actually, I was pretty bad at it. I was able to say with honestly, my children are amazing.

Amazing, independent individuals. They’re responsible. I’m very proud. I’m honored and I’m appreciative. Not just of how they turned out, but how I turned out because of them, because of them, because of wanting to figure it out, wanting to break generational cycles and patterns that were not serving. I just wanted it to stop here, stop now.

I remember when my son was born, I was like, “This is it. It is over. It will not go any further than me,” and I took that stand. I know a lot of you listening, you also did this. You decided you were going to be the end of that cycle. Those generational patterns were no longer going to happen through you. They were done. They were stopping right there.

And you’ve had to experience this, because you’ve had to process it in order to stop the behaviors and habits. I know you understand what I’m talking about in this particular show, and what I’m expressing here, or I hope you do. I hope you do. Really, what I want to get across is in this moment, which is the only moment that really matters, I am in deep, humble appreciation for all of life.

All of the contrast, the pain, the loss, the grief, the joy, the love, the connection. So much appreciation for – Here’s the thing, the human experience, what we desire most, is being connected, making contribution in some way, and creating. We need to express, explore, because that is what makes us feel alive.

That is the experience that we came to have, otherwise we don’t need this body suit. We just could be the orbs floating around in la-la land. But that wasn’t enough. We wanted to have the experience, we wanted to feel all of these sensations. We wanted to live, feel, breathe, love, compassion. And guys, you know what comes with that?

The other side, the contrast. To love so deeply is to lose so deeply, right? Whenever there is a loss, whether it be in relationship or by death, to love so deeply and then to lose so deeply, and then to come back to appreciation and to dare to love again. It’s fascinating.

A friend and I were speaking yesterday about this. She’s my best friend of 35 years and lost her first husband to suicide, and then went through a divorce, and then lost her third husband to a terrible accident, and it’s so intense, it’s so deep. The willingness to have just the capacity to want to love again once you’ve lost, just losing to such tragedies, and then you question, “Will I ever be able to love again? Will I ever be able to open my heart again? Will I ever be able to trust life again?”

And the answer is yes, always. It’s in our thoughts, our emotions, our actions. I ask you to make a list, what do you have that you want? And sit in appreciation, and allow that appreciation to grow. Feel it in your body, feel the sensations, see if you can find that soft, gooey spot in the center of your heart, and just allow it to bust open.

Let that ooze all the way through you, through your body, feel it all the way down to your toes, feel it through your blood, through your breath. See if you can feel it in every part of your being. Find something. If you can only find one thing, then only find one thing. Think about your partner, think about your child, think about that job. Maybe it’s your car, maybe it’s your house, maybe it’s having heat on a cold day.

For me, every evening it’s getting in a warm tub. I’m always so cold. That moment where I can just sink into that water and just oh, I’m in such appreciation to have that. Now, I don’t know if everyone can take themselves there if they’ve not experienced the contrast. I truly don’t know.

I’ve experienced not having, and so I recognize that I do have a deep appreciation, especially for the physical body, because of being sick for so long, having chronic pain for so long, the depression, the not sleeping, the surgeries, the recoveries, the intense pain with the feet, not being able to walk or go places.

I have a deep appreciation for not having pain, and that might be the thing that you can appreciate today. Find a part of your body that does not hurt, honor that, appreciate that, and see if you can grow it and really see if you can experience it all the way through. Not just a casual thought, but take 15 minutes and write. Take out your paper and pen and write about how amazing it is to have that thing that you’re appreciating, or those things.

The house, the job, the community, safety, connection, the ability to create. Maybe it’s for your coaches and teachers and mentors. Maybe it’s for your neighbor. Whatever it is, write a story about it and let that become your new story. Begin to talk about your life in a new way. Begin to tell the story about yourself in a new way.

All right, that is what I have for you today. I’m kind of worried I may have bored you. I am okay. I’ve had a lot of time this week to do a lot of deep thinking, and had a couple of experiences that were intense, and I was willing to stay with them and in them. I was willing to not run away, not buffer, not hide from them, but truly sit in the whole experience without a thought and just be in the feelings and the sensations.

Guys, I swear to you, it was like a pinball machine. I would feel it shoot through the foot, then it would go through my shoulder, then it would ping in the back of my head, and then my heart would pound, then I can feel my heart pounding. It’s my back, and then I can feel this pressure in my forehead, around the temples of my head, it felt like my brain was going to blow out of my head.

And then I felt a lump in my throat, and it was like pinball. You push the little thing and the pinball goes, “Ding, ding, ding, ding.” That was happening in my physical body. Pretty intense. I had no thoughts about it. I was basically this just is what it is in this moment and I’m just going to be here now. I’m going to be in the experience. I’m not going to run from it, I’m not going to try to change it.

I don’t need to drink, I don’t’ need to eat, I don’t need to run and hide, I don’t need to get on the Peloton, I don’t need to get on the yoga mat, I just want to be right here in this experience, and I want to offer that to you. I want to offer that you find some sort of appreciation, even if it’s in an appreciation of grief, that we have the ability to feel that because we were in this human body because we were having this human experience.

Let me know. Come over to the More Than Mindset Facebook group. I’d be happy to discuss this with you. Every week, the podcast comes out and then we do a live Facebook, and then we have a live group coaching call every week in this group. I would love to have you there. I’d love to hear about your experiences and what the podcast is bringing up in you or for you.

Send me an email to [email protected] if you’re interested in the work that I do for professionals and you want to take this work, this emotional processing and mentoring into your coaching practice or into your health and wellness practice, whatever that is, and you want to add these modalities that I teach with my clients, then come over to KimGuillory.com, check out the website.

I do one-on-one coaching. I take very few one-on-one clients. I have a group Mastermind that is all about mind/body, soul work, and very simple strategy business coaching that is organic, especially designed for the health and wellness leader, for the healer, for the healing-based businesses.

I would love to have a chat with you, so head on over and you can book a consult with me there if you want me to take a look at your business and see if we’re a good fit. And until next week, I love you all, super excited to bring these guests on and introduce you, and I think you will find them fascinating also. They are lovely, amazing people. All righty. Have a good week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset. If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to health, wealth, and relationships, head over to www.portal.kimguillory.com to learn more about the portal. It’s a membership community where we take this work deeper, apply the concepts, and coach around the tough stuff.