#189: The Illusion of Attachment
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Hey, and welcome back to the show. I returned home last night from Colorado, where I was presenting at the Human Design Conference. It was so much fun. Listen, you remember back in the day, I said “I’m not doing anything else if it’s not fun.” I was, like, twenty-nine years old, swearing off anything that wasn’t fun.
And I have to tell you: this was fun. I actually love having a mic in my hands and an audience in front of me, especially when they give me something to respond to. As soon as I finished, I was so fired up. I just verbalized, “I want to do more of that. It was so much fun.” That’s it. That’s how you set intentions.
It’s kind of like “yes and more, please,” right? I’m willing to be surprised. What else is available beyond what my mind has imagined? And that’s what I got. I used to freak out when it came to doing a Facebook Live, right? Anything on the computer or in front of even a small group of people, but that is not the case anymore.
And it goes to show that you can reinvent yourself. Let go of those old stories of you predicting your future and talking about what you have been and saying things like, “I’m just not like that guy.” It’s holding you back. And that’s what I want to talk about today. The things that hold you back, the things that keep your future a repeat of your past.
That’s pretty big. I noticed, not just this weekend, but especially over the weekend, that we’re creatures of habit and attachment. We want to continue doing the same thing and we are unconsciously just playing out this program, this consistent habitual way of being. And then we stand there and say, “I want it to be different. I want something else. I’m tired of this. I want to experience more.”
And then we let the subconscious keep running the show and repeating the patterns. I’m going to give you an example. I ran out of Facebook friend capacity. I hit my max. I’ve been watching it for quite a while now because I knew it was coming around. I was gaining new friends pretty quickly, and I stopped accepting anyone I didn’t know. Like, either we hadn’t met, or we didn’t have things in common. Maybe they had reached out to me, or I had an idea of one of the containers that we were in together. I’ve been limiting it, probably for a good year, really being mindful of coaches who are coming in just to make connection to spam your inbox. You know that kind of stuff you can kind of tell just from looking at their profiles.
So, all of my Facebook friends, when I went down the list—as far as I got, I’m not going to say all 5,000—the majority were people that I knew, and I want to stay in touch with, and I want to see what they’re up to. And they either came from a yoga community, or a health perspective, or hypnosis, or life coaching, health coach, you know, all the things. I have quite a few communities that I’m in.
And I really like social media and connecting, staying in touch, and watching what my friends are doing, but as I was going down this list, I would click on their name and notice that they actually had things going on their profile that were pretty recent and I was not seeing it. And I thought this was really interesting that we have this attachment to things, to people, to numbers, to places, whatever it is. Familiarity is basically what it is.
And although I know these people and I want to stay in touch, the truth is I’m not even seeing their stuff. So, are we really in touch? Like, I didn’t even know what was going on, but yet we carry this attachment or this familiarity to this group of people, these ideas, these attachments; we just keep carrying them around.
And that is actually holding up our energy. Think about your kitchen cabinets, how much stuff is in there that you will not use, that you have not used. And then you open the cabinet, and you move some things around, and then you think, “oh, I forgot I had that. I haven’t seen that in a while.” Right? Kind of like what I’m saying with the Facebook friends. They’re there, but I wasn’t.
Even in communication or connection. And I hadn’t even noticed what they had been posting because of the algorithm. I wasn’t being shown what it was. But it’s kind of like your kitchen cabinets: it’s the stuff behind the stuff, yet it’s holding up space in the cabinets. Would you agree? And so is our attachment to “I might need this. I might want this one day.”
Think about your closet, the clothing that’s in your closet. What’s in the bottom drawers, your bathroom cabinets? Maybe it’s file cabinets, the old business stuff. I have, like, tons of massage tables for when I hold an event, but I don’t always hold events and people can bring their own stuff.
So, for this episode, I just wanted to talk about attachments, and habit, and safety. To how it feels safe to have a lot of stuff around us and inside of us attached to us. And it is a reflection wanting to be “just in case.” We do this with weight, also.
So, it got me thinking about this letting-go process. And I love to question my own brain, you know, and notice the things that my mind does on repeat that I kind of let it get away with. But when something like this happens, I want to come up with a solution. I go into every corner, every nook and cranny. And I try to figure out “how did I get here? What created this? And do I want to keep it?” And you can use this line of questioning in anything in your life because how we do anything is how we do everything.
I am one hundred percent sure that is true. That is my truth in this moment in time. And it has been for a few years. Anything is everything. Everything is anything. It’s all the time. So, if I’m doing this on my Facebook, holding on to things that no longer are, whether it’s in a relationship or even in existence, where else am I doing this?
And listen, I’m going to take it a little bit further just to tell you how certain I am. That is happening somewhere else. I have people on my social media who are deceased. They will not show up on my Facebook page. They technically no longer have a Facebook page. But I haven’t deleted them. I’m curious if you’ve had the same experience. Why do we continue to hold on if I want to create something new, if I want to expand, if I want to experience something exciting, and refreshing, and different? How am I going to make space to do that if I’m holding on to what was?
Now, what comes up for you when I said that? Because I know what comes up for me: there’s a little bit of guilt. There’s a little bit of what “if I regret it and then I can’t friend them again because they won’t accept my friend request?”
Y’all. Morbid. Right?
Y’all, I kind of like the morbid stuff because it’s edgy… it’s uncomfortable. And some people think it’s not okay to talk about it. But the truth is we will die. This body, in the here and now, will not always be just how it is, and no matter how moralistic we are, we cannot change that. That is truth. We will not exist forever in this world, in this material world, in this lifetime. And yet we want to hold on. We want to avoid. We want to deny. We want to keep it the same. And I say we, but it really is the way the mind-body works. It’s the experience between the brain and the mind, between the conscious and the unconscious, between the subconscious and the reality. And the illusion that we don’t want to face, it’s kind of all of it. It’s like a hodgepodge of a mess that’s in our mind.
So, this came up for me. I could make space. At least ten people for new friends, because they’re no longer here. So why don’t I? Why don’t you? Why don’t we? Is it a moral thing? Is it a conscious thing? Is it a habit? What keeps us holding on, even when it no longer exists?
And if we do it there, where else are we doing it? What else are we holding on to? What else do we continue clinging to? And where else is it showing up? If it’s in your closet, it’s on your body. If it’s in your body, it’s in your relationships. If it’s in your relationships, it’s in your bank account. Our health, wealth, and relationships are directly reflecting our beliefs.
Our truths are illusions. An illusion is an idea of something that you see, or want, or desire to be true that isn’t. And so, we pretend. And this one thing today, this one thing of just running out of Facebook space for friendships, brought up all this. And I went into contemplation and inquiry because I really wanted to know where else it was showing up.
And oh my God! I saw it and now I’m sitting in it. I’m sitting in the awareness. I haven’t made decisions yet, and I’m not just talking about deleting deceased friends from my social media. I’m talking about deleting deceased things in my life. Things that no longer are things that maybe never were. Things that I was hoping for.
And here’s why this is so important. If you aren’t willing to let go, then you actually can’t bring in something else. So, if you can’t let go of the old identity, the fears, the doubts, the stories, the memories, you can’t become the new. If you can’t let go of the old, or something of the old, you can’t replace it.
It’s kind of like the cells in our body. When we start doing inner work, personal development work, the cells change. Our cells are constantly dying off and regenerating. And if we stay in the same understanding, the same perception, the same mindset, we just keep regenerating and it’s actually regurgitated from generations.
You’ll see it the way your family, their family, before their family, the grandparents, all the way. You’ll see it just get passed down until someone disrupts the pattern, until someone breaks the cycle and does things differently. And then there’ll be a new repeated pattern unless you choose to not be attached to anything and just let it flow like it is and allow it to happen. But that’s unlikely if we are not living by the program.
The habits, the patterns, the old behaviors, and we let go of all this baggage, the friends that no longer are, the relationships that have severed, the people who have died, and yet we’re still holding onto their social media page, the programs that we used to offer… and they no longer align with us, but they still make a few bucks.
So, we hate to get rid of it, even though we don’t really believe or think or feel that way anymore. What else? What other stories do you hold on to? What other habits or traditions? I think about my family for Christmas; we had the Santa Claus tradition and all the things, and the whole month of December was sucked up in a vortex of this Christmas thing.
And it’s been at least ten years that it is not like that at my house with my family, not even with five kids and twelve grand babies. We do not do that traditional month-long holiday now. Not everybody’s going to agree with me, and that’s okay. That’s the cycle and the pattern that I broke. I’m likely not going to agree with a lot of your traditions, and that’s okay. You don’t need me to.
What if you even detached from needing approval or from needing validation? Crazy! Think about how light and free we could be from addictions, from habits, from oldness. If we were willing to let it go to make space, to open for something new.
Just a consideration. Just do that this week. Just consider it, just sit with it. Maybe make a list when you’re aware, just write it down. And then if nothing else, just burn the paper or throw the paper away, but just release it in some capacity. It doesn’t have to be all the way to the physical REM, but just see if you can energetically and emotionally begin to bring it to your awareness and release.
And just know I did this last month, if you guys remember, in the podcast I talked about your one thing. This is like that. Another level deeper. I did that, and I exceeded my monthly target by like seventeen-grand. Like, it was unbelievable how much opened up for me, just from doing that exercise. And I’m telling you if you’re not getting what you want it’s because you continue to do what you don’t. And you don’t even notice it. It’s not in your awareness. You continue to do out of habit in behavior and you continue to create the old results. And if nothing else, just stop to notice. That’s a great first step. And then ask the question—I like to tap in the center of my forehead—”What do I need to release, heal, or bring to my attention or awareness?”
In order to release, let go and become, or have something else. It’s super simple. There doesn’t have to be particular words, just the intention of “what do I need to notice that’s in the old pattern, so that I can have the new? What do I need to notice so that I can bring in something new?”
Try it out. Let me know. Come to the More than Mindset Facebook Group.
By the way, the Business Liftoff Challenge is happening again. I do this probably four times a year. And, if you’re catching this later, after it’s already happened, we have replays of all of it. But if you come into the More than Mindset Group and you hang out there, you will get announcements of all the things that we have to offer, like the live events, Grow Your Business workshops, any kind of deals that we have going on (this should be coming out right around my birthday).
And I would love to hear from you. That would be a great birthday present, just to hear what sort of impact this show has made. I would love for you to share it with someone else and maybe try out some of these concepts for yourself, for your family, for someone you love. Introduce them, bring them over. Let’s grow a conscious-minded community and make amazing connections. All right my friends. Have a beautiful week and let go of something. Just try it. Just something. It could be something small. Just see what it makes space for.
Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.