Ep #218: Inspire by Desire
Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.
Hey there, and welcome back to the show. Got a good one for you this week.
So, it’s going to be really simple and kind of catchy. The name of this one is called Inspire by Desire. And what I want to help you do is help others. So how can I help you help others? Is that something that you want to do? Is that something that you attain for, something that you desire. Are there people in your life that you love? Maybe it’s clients, maybe it’s family, maybe it’s your children, niece’s nephew’s.
Do you want to be the inspiration that catapults change just by the mere example of being yourself? If so, this is for you. So I have been doing a lot of work around this. I am I had a whole new crop of coaches that I am training right now. And oh my god, you’re going to be so amazed when they get out into the world. They are already amazing. I have really inspired working with them. They’ve inspired me.
And some of the things that we discuss in coach training is how to be a better coach. And I realized that many people confuse coaching with giving advice. I think of coaching as a 360 view, seeing it from your end, from their end, and from the others end. And so we take into account the whole picture in the relationship and expose things that could be subconsciously hidden, things that we are just habitually hiding, and we don’t even know it.
And that comes from the way that we were brought up are the experiences that we have had. So, we are unpacking habits and behavior that actually don’t align with your desires, with what you want. And you know that if that’s happening with you, it’s happening with others.
So in the actual process of becoming a coach of unlearning misinformation so that they can receive correct information, and by correct, I mean, how can I help you attain personal expression or individuality through radical responsibility? I’m going to unpack that a little because what we’re going to talk about today is three things that you can do to be a better coach or a better health or for someone else, whether that is personal or professional. Deal? Ready? Let’s unpack.
So I believe … big word. My truth is another big word that everyone wants … personal freedom. Now, I’m not sure if you agree with that, but everyone that I work with and myself included desires, personal, freedom. I want to know who I am. I want to get to know myself better. I want to be the best that I can or want to reach my potential whatever that is.
I don’t even know yet because I haven’t experienced it yet. I am still learning about myself because I am still unlearning what I was taught that is not true for me. It was possibly true for the person who told me. It was possibly true for my parents who taught me, or it was true for the teacher who taught me. You get my drift.
I am fifty-four years old. I am still unlearning some of these habits and behaviors. A lot of it coming from religion coming from school, coming from systems that taught us how to behave or how to win the game of life. What is the game of life? God, if you look at social media, the game of life is how to be popular, how to be famous, how to be rich, how to be influential, how to have the most followers, because there’s something in that that gives them validation to believe they are worthy instead of just being flipping worthy because you were born.
So that’s what this work is about. So I’d be curious to know if you want personal freedom. If you want to reach your potential if you want to unpack some of these habits and behaviors that were taught by society or religion or your household, are the environment that you live in so that you can unlearn what you don’t what or what you don’t desire. So this podcast is called inspire by desire and that is a personal goal of mine is to be the inspiration for personal freedom, personal expression, and individuality for reaching my goals and being the example of that being possible. And through that, I can inspire other people to unpack and unlearn so that they can discover what their genuine desire is.
Three things, I’m going to get to it, I promise. I wanted to make sure I gave you enough foundation and didn’t bore you to death. I know you hear me talk about this all the time. All of these habits and behaviors are not you. They are not you. When you say I am, I don’t like, I don’t do like, it is not you. That’s your learned habit in behavior. You are that deep soul expression that wants to expand beyond the constructs that have been given to you beyond the limitations that have held you back, that’s you I’m talking to today. So if you could please call that person forward.
As we continue. Tap into the part of you. That is limitless. Tap into the part of you. That can express in a beautiful way, and through that expression can expand into experiencing more personal freedom that you desire. Got it? You’re there? Are you there yet? Okay?
So I want to talk about three things that you can do as an individual, personal, or professional. To help lead others by your inspiration to help them attain their desire. Not your desire for them. Get this straight mamas.
Not what you want for your kids. But helping your kids get what they want for themselves, not what you want bosses from your employees, but how can you be the inspiration that helps them reach their desire through your company? What if you can both win? You get where I’m going? So this is this is for everyone.
So three things. Number one. Create a clean space, a clean space, which means everyone can be heard. All opinions matter. All experience is valid. All feelings, all emotions, count, and matter. Whether you agree or not. Can you hold a clean space for someone to be themselves and to be heard and actually be accepted as they are today in this moment as their growing into who they want to be. Can you hold that space without an agenda? Without your opinion of what you think they should be doing by now?
Like, think about what we do as parents. It’s not really about what our kid wants. It’s about what we want for them, so then that can mean that we exceeded or that we’re a good parent. But what if we held a clean space for their voice to be valid for their opinions to be expressed and just holding the space and being seen and heard creates safety.
We are so often cut into before we get to complete our sentence. And I will say, I do this as a coach sometimes. When the mind is just going on the carousel for the sake of the group, it’s like I will like pause it, so I don’t mean it in the way if you’re doing it constructively. I mean really letting someone get their thoughts out so that they can land somewhere so that they can experience what they are saying. That’s what I mean by a clean space. That you don’t make it wrong, you actually agree with them.
So if you downloaded the document from last week, which I think you should, that is the exercise. So go back to the last episode if you haven’t if you haven’t watched it already and get that download.
So a clean space is, and you can put a timer if you have to start this. Set one minute where whoever you’re talking to gets to express gets to say whatever’s on their mind and you don’t get to have an opinion about it. You just get to listen and say, Thank you for sharing. You just agree that where they are right now, is perfect. It’s a great place to be because guys never flip and arrive. So where we are is perfect. OK? That’s number one.
Number two, nonattached outcome. It isn’t your business with someone else wants. Sorry, guys, whether that is your kid, your boss, your employees, your sister, it just isn’t your business. And when you get attached to how you think someone should behave, what someone should do, you are going to suffer because you cannot control people and if you figure out a way to manipulate them and control them, it will very often lead to resentment and bitterness, and disconnection because that is not being in relationship with them. That is being in relationship with what you want them to be. It’s not relationship with them because you don’t even know them, and they don’t have the opportunity to even show you who they are because you’re so busy trying to control them and attach your ideas to what you think they should do.
So in coaching, we might see some potential, but our client might not want it. It might not be where they are, or it might be where they’ve been and don’t want to go back. And so we have to learn to drop that attached outcome and allow people to reach their own desire through their own process in their own time. That attachment is such a killer. Like, if you do this, you should feel responsible for me feeling this. This is what I want. And if you do this, I will get it … how crazy does that sound?
All right, ready for number three? Pressure free is what creates expansion. Releasing the pressure and the timeline and the urgency. Creates safety and calmness. And when we are safe and we are calm, our creativity comes on board, and we can begin to play. And in the playing, we will naturally expand.
Think about a kid. They’re so fun to watch. When they’re in make believe land, man, I don’t even know where they get this stuff from. Have you listened to three, four, five, six-year-olds? Like, even before they’re watching TV, it’s amazing what they come up with. When they feel relaxed to play and express.
And there is brilliance born in the pressure-free expansion. So when you release and allow, they calm down. And all that conditioning, the habits, and behaviors and how they should be and what they should do and what they shouldn’t do and what they have to do. All that just kinda dissipates. And then they can tap into their brilliance and bring it to the world.
But when we pressure them and when we attach to their outcome and when we don’t hold a clean space, we’re actually just manipulating other people and trying to force them into being something that we want not what they want. That’s what I mean by inspire by desire. If you are doing this work for yourself, you will naturally inspire other people to question and become what they truly desire and then you will be in a real relationship, not the ideal relationship that your mind is imagining it should be like, but so much better. So much better for both of you, for all of you, for all of us. Is that we are all expressing as our individual self and we are taking radical responsibility, radical. I am responsible for my own emotions. I am responsible for how I feel. I am responsible for what I do. I am responsible for my own discipline and accountability and commitment. And if I am at, and I can inspire someone else to be that by the example of it, we are winning.
We cannot create change by arguing with reality and we can’t create change by trying to force something by the idea in our mind. It doesn’t work that way. We all have a journey. And we all have the path to go on that journey. We all have the vehicle that was given to us, which is our body and our mind. Our soul, our heart, our gut instincts. That’s our vehicle. This body is our vehicle to experience life. Whatever size it is. However, many pounds, it weighs, however tall it is, whatever color it is. That’s the skittles of the world.
We don’t want to all look the same. We don’t want to all be the same. We don’t have the same desires yet. We want everyone to be like us. Like, think about it. It makes us feel better if there is someone else like then we feel worthy. We feel validated. Right? What if you don’t need that? What if it’s okay that we’re all different?
And what if we can inspire others to reach their personal desires, by releasing the pressure, by cleaning the space, and by letting go of any kind of attachment to the outcome, and just allow them to become who they want to become. I think we’ll have less illness, less sickness, less stress, and we will have more expansion.
And I don’t think we’re going to be so pressured about the old habits and behavior? We would just recognize that it’s habits and behavior. What if it’s okay to have these old habits and behaviors kind of hanging around but not controlling us. In other words, we might see it, but we don’t have to follow it. We might recognize the urge and not have to do it.
That’s really understanding the mind body connection or disconnect action is so much of us is driven by habits and behavior. It is not us, but we think it is us. So this is for personal and professional.
This is my rant for the week, call it whatever you want. If you get something out of it, great. If you don’t, Great. Like, what if I don’t have to be attached to that either? What if being giant numbers doesn’t mean squat about me. Like, I really think of this when we’re in business, when we’re entrepreneurs, we truly want to change the world. And I believe changing the world is changing ourselves. It’s becoming who we truly are. And that example is going to help others become who they truly are, and then you’re not going to have all this judgment in comparison because everyone is being who they are.
And listen guys, if you can help one person, that person might be the person to help a hundred thousand people. We never know where our inspiration is going to take someone else. But if we don’t become all of us, we cannot inspire someone else to become all of them.
If we can’t reach our potential, we can’t be the mirror for them reaching their potential because we’re going to be wrapped up in the limitations.
That’s what I got for you. Three things that you can do to inspire so that other people can recognize and reach their desire through the example, hold clean space, nonattachment outcome, and release this pressure and allow the freedom to create the expansion.
Learn how to listen. Just listen without giving an opinion, without directing, just allow them to hear themselves so that they can be empowered to make the change according to what they hear that is coming out of them. Just hold the space, love being in the space, agree and thank them for sharing. Let me know if you try this exercise. It’s not easy.
Matter of fact, you can do this challenge of just agreeing day one, just agreeing. You’re right. I hear you. Sounds great. Just agree, don’t give feedback, don’t give opinion, don’t give advice. Yep, sounds great. Thanks for sharing. Just try it. It will drive you bonkers. I promise you.
Not easy. But if you want to become a really good coach, mentor, friend, to be a great partner in a relationship, these changes will give you that. If you desire that, it will give you that.
I’ve seen it happen too many times. There’s no way that you even if because I know that I I’ve just heard it in my head, so I know you’re going to say it. Even if the other person doesn’t want to change, I promise you, they do not have to change because the minute you change, it’s a different relationship.
You cannot have war. If it’s just one person unless it’s a war within themselves. So whenever you drop the defense, when you wave the white flag, I hear you. I see you. I agree with you at some capacity. I’m not saying that it has to be right for you. But you have to understand that it’s right for them.
As soon as you understand, it’s right for them and you agree, defenses drop, resistance drops, and intimacy is open. Trust is open. Vulnerability is open. Give it a try.
Come in to the More The More Than Mindset Facebook group. Let me know how it’s going. I would love to hear from you, respond to the email, [email protected] and share your experience. I’d love to hear from you. Have an amazing week. Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.
Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.
Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.