Ep #40: Judgment and Comparison

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey, hey, hey. How you doing? These last few episodes have been really deep, right? We are diving in again today. So I have been planning my retreat. I have a Gulf Shores retreat that I do every year with this amazing three-story, 11 bedroom, 11 bath, private beach, balcony on every room. Amazing, amazing place that we stay at.

So I take my coaches and clients and we just dive into this work on the deepest level. We exit the busy world and we dive into the all that we are. We go down into the abyss. We go into the portal. So for those knowing, the new membership that I have is called The Coaches Portal and really, it’s all about this work and it’s specifically with coaches and therapists and healers.

All of this fun stuff. So the retreat is where we can really dive in on a way without distraction and interruption, so it’s imprinted in a different way. It’s been fascinating. I don’t know if any of you have ever been to retreat but I started, I think I was 29 when I went to my first retreat at the Cynical in Metairie around New Orleans, and it was life-changing for me.

I had, oh my god, I had the most profound experiences started there and that really opened up my world to this work. That was the beginning. And so I did retreats in Grand Coteau, I did all silent retreats after that. I did a couple of yoga retreats that I think in between the years, but this went on until I was for sure over 40.

And then I started seeing what was missing and I decided – this is what I’m good at. I see a problem and then I solve it. I decided that there was something lacking. There was a hole in the theory. And what it was is once they get this profound change or transformation, then they’re just sent back into the world.

And you go through this kind of identity crisis. So it’s like you’re in the abyss and you’re getting all of these new insights, and then you – kind of like I talked in the last episode, you come out of the water, like you bopper up and you look around and there’s other people there and they’re not thinking the same way as you.

They’re still treating you the way you were before you went on the experience. And so there’s this dissonance, and so what happens is you start diluting your transformation and you start gradually – you’ve heard me talk about the crab pot. You start gradually just dropping down to the bottom of the crab pot because being on the rim, being in the higher minded, being above all of that chaos and noise, you look around and you find yourself by yourself and what we really want and feel safe with is connection.

And so we’re trying to find something to connect back to, and because the crabs can’t come up, we go back down. And I did this for years and it took a while to understand what was happening, and now I just kind of tell my clients when they’re at retreat like, listen, do not go home and throw diamonds to the swine. If you start throwing pearls to the pigs, they will stomp all over it.

This stuff is golden. This is medicine. This is healing. This is bringing you back to the core essence of who you truly are, and if you try to take this kind of work out into the world where it’s chaotic and busy and they’re not present and you’re kind of in all of that racket, they don’t understand. You’re trying to explain to them and of course, everyone who leaves retreat thinks everyone else should come to retreat.

So they go home and they try to transform their husband and their mom and their mother-in-law and their cousin or whoever they can talk to. It doesn’t work, guys. It’s just like the TMS theory. You cannot tell other people about it once you understand it because they don’t understand unless they experience it, and that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

They don’t understand it unless they experience it. That is our human experience. We don’t understand and we don’t have compassion and we don’t have empathy unless it happens to us. And I know that’s what makes me so compassionate. I’ve had a lot, lot, lot of life experiences.

I’ve had a lot of trauma, I’ve had a lot of death, I’ve had a lot of hurt, rejection, resentment. A lot of things that have taught me what I know today. And I think that is part of why we’re here in this bodysuit is to have these human experiences so we can come to compassion and empathy of fully loving, embracing life and other people, and recognizing that 50% sucks.

We have to have the contrast to understand. So you have to – there’s two sides to the coin. You got the head, you got the tail. It’s like, you have to have the contrast of doing without or the sadness or the darkness in order to recognize the light, in order to notice what you don’t want. You have to know what you do want. And so some of that darkness teaches us about the light so that we can go out and get the light. Beautiful thing.

So last week I talked about imposter story, which is the program. So the imposter story is the program. In other words, it is the conditioning that happens to us when we enter the physical world. We are conditioned to believe certain things. We adopt habits and patterns and behaviors that are done in our environment.

You can look at a little kid and they’ll start doing exactly what their mom does. My fitness class, one of the moms said the other day, this past week, she was like, her little boy said shit. She’s like, I know that wasn’t in his vocabulary. He was not born with that word. I taught him that. And I’m like, for sure.

And if you ever listen to a little kid that says, oh darn it, or whatever it is, it’s always like, in the right enactment. They’re exactly like their mom and dad, whoever says it. And it’s so funny but when they pick it up, it’s really cute to curse. It’s kind of like, when you’re the baby and you have the rolls on your arms, it’s really cute. But when you’re an adult, not so cute to have a dirty mouth and not so cute to have rolls on your arms.

Anyway, let me come back. So they are like some little parrots to us. We program them. The problem is the program creates this not true self. The true self is I see all that I am. The imposter story is I cannot see all that I am. I can only be this program, which is BS. The program is your belief system. Take note. Write all this down.

Tell me if you’re using this on your clients. If you’re not one of my coaches and you’re actually taking some of these concepts into your practice, let me know. I would love to hear how it’s working out for you. You can catch them on my live training on the Facebook page also.

Okay, so let’s come back here. Focus, Kim, focus. The imposter syndrome is the program and the work here is to decode, to break the program, so that you can become all that you are without your story, without the conditions, without the patterns, without the labels, without the systems.

Guys, you already know this. I figured this out, I don’t even remember, a few years ago, and completely – I’ve not seen anything that proves it not to be true. There’s only two reasons why we suffer. Judgment and comparison. This is why you suffer with lack of confidence, with lack of self-worth, with lack of acceptance just in general.

Because you judge and compare yourself. The reason you have a problem with your husband is because you judge and compare. If you can find out that this is not true in any way, shape, or form, send me an email. I want to hear about it because I honestly have not come across anything proving otherwise.

We are so entitled that we judge and compare and we are attached to the way we think it should be and then we take ourselves into the suffering of what it’s not. And like Byron Katie says, it’s like you are resisting what is. And when you’re in a constant fight against reality, you are going to suffer. Got it?

I’m going to give you a couple examples of this. You have been conditioned and programmed to run by a clock. Let me tell you what a clock is. It’s a piece of paper with some numbers on it. It’s slapped on a piece of plastic with a piece of glass in front of it and it has a battery on the back. And it turns and these little hands go on the numbers and it tells you what to do when.

Time is a mental construct. Time is not real. Number two, think of the scale that you weigh yourself or your food on. Piece of paper with some numbers on it, with some little gears, maybe a battery, maybe not. Has some sides on it. You step on it or you put something down on it. The needle moves, tell you how you should feel.

This is acceptable. Here is a label. Too big, too small, not normal, not enough, too much. We are taught to judge and compare. It’s too soon, time doesn’t tell us what to do, when to move, how to go. Same thing with the scale. Tells us what we should weigh, what’s acceptable. Same thing with height.

They needed to find a norm so that they can judge and compare. So someone somewhere has created the ideal height for the ideal weight and now we all run the program. Let’s take it a little bit further. Money. Piece of paper with numbers on it. Look in your bank account, see the numbers, look in your savings account, see the numbers, someone pays for your program, here’s the numbers, judgment and comparison.

What do you compare it to? What are you judging it by? What’s the norm? Who created the norm? And you want to know why we live in this imposter syndrome, in this imposter world and this ideal world? This thing that we created or someone created, plugged us into, and then we run our entire life from that program.

And we have a story around it. It’s our imposter story or it’s our not self story. Everything about your experience here is coming to the true self. It’s coming to the place of being your higher self now, like how can you do that and bring that in. So this is what you’re trying to do in your business.

It’s all about your BS. It’s about your belief system. And if you’re being run by clocks and scales and money, and no telling what else. Oh my gosh, I’m sure you get to judge yourself by how many times your husband has given you flowers or how many times you have sex or how many times somebody says I love you, or how many times a client resigns with you.

Think of all the things. Oh, let’s use Facebook. How many people like your post? Interesting. Instagram. How do you rate if it’s a good post or not? Judgment and comparison. How many people shared your post? Is it good or is it bad content according to how many people clicked the thumbs up, clicked the thumbs down.

Sent you the angry face, sent you the smile, the heart. Oh, they really loved it. They labeled it as good. Get it? Do you get where I’m going? I think I have set my story in cement. The reason that we continue to buy the program and we continue to live the story is because of this one question.

Who am I without the story? Who am I without that belief? Who am I without the program? Who am I when I’m not conditioned? Who am I when I don’t have the pattern or the system to follow? Who am I without the label? Who am I without the label of my career? As a mom? As a partner? Who am I when I’m not a daughter? Who am I when I am not being measured up against in order for me to know who I am?

This stuff is fascinating. I told you we were going deep. We’re going back into the abyss. This is the portal. The portal of truth. The portal of possibility. The portal of potentiality. Do you know that every single one of us has amazing potentiality within us?

But these programs, the conditioning, the labels, the judgment, the comparison are stopping us from being all of us. Stopping us from stepping up and out of the imposter story. And that is also just a story. So I’m going to ask you some questions, like I haven’t already, right?

Think about this. If you’re thinking, I can’t put that because they’ll judge me, someone won’t like me, someone will resist or fight against me, someone will send me a sad face or they won’t like my post, when you’re thinking that, tell me how many people are they.

So if you can bring it up in your mind right now, who is they? Who are they? For some of you, it’s just one person. I asked a client this recently. She was like, two. Two. Fascinating. They’re my parents. I’m like, you know what’s even more fascinating? Your parents more than anyone else wants you to be safe and succeed.

So the two people you worry about are the two people who love you the most and want you to succeed the most and they’re only worried and afraid for you in case you don’t, then you’ll be sad, and they want to protect you from the sadness. So now tell me, who are they that you’re hiding from?

Because you know your parents love you unconditionally. Who else is preventing you? It’s really surreal, right? Because then you got to look in the mirror and you have to say me. I am they. I am the person who judges me. I am the person who stops me. I am the person who does not claim myself. I am the person who does not see my own worth and value. It is me, me, me.

I am the imposter. I need to put these on video because I’m like, boof, mind-blown. I am the imposter who is running the program because I believe the BS, the belief story. I believe it because I feel it, because I have the emotional signature and the hook is locked in. In other words, the thought that I think, they’re not going to like me, is hooked into the feeling of rejection or fear or abandonment.

It’s hooked, just like the ride. Imagine you just got the hook is coming out of the head and is dropping down into the heart or the belly center where the emotion is at. And then you’re stuck in it. Guys, it’s just a story. It’s not even real. Just like the clocks and the scales and the money.

It’s the way that we contrast. It’s the way that we compare so that we set that standard so that we know. And so we’re like, oh, she must be a good coach because she makes $10,000 a month, or she’s a good coach, she knows her stuff because she’s making $50,000 a year. Oh, she must be really good because she’s making a million dollars.

How about they’re amazing, great marketers, they know how to deliver their message, people trust them, and that’s why they’re coming? It’s because they show up. It’s not that they know more than you know. It’s not that they know more than I know. It’s not that they know more than someone else. It’s that they have the courage and the confidence to stand up and say I have it, I am it.

I know who I am. I can see all that I am. Would you like to come and see all that you are? Come to me, I will show you how. This is the core of your online business. Stepping into clarity and confidence of your authentic power, of your authenticity, of your medicine.

What is the gift? What is the craft that you have been given to share with the world and will you get over this ego? Get over this program, this imposter story, so that you can get out there and share it? Because right now, you’re so worried about yourself and you’re so worried about your shame being exposed and you’re so worried about stepping into your all-ness that you are willing to leave your work on the line and not serve your people.

Take a breath into that one. How long are you going to allow the fear and the doubt and the story to run? Because this is the reason that you feel defeated and frustrated and depressed and unworthy. It’s not because of who you are. It’s because of who you’re behaving as.

The call is to become who you are. The resistance is to grow you into who you are. And once we say yes, I’m in, yes, we tell the universe, we tell god, we tell divine, we’re like, in Christ consciousness. Yes, I’m here to serve, I give you all my heart, Lord, I just want to be a vessel. I want to be a conduit of your work.

Once we say that, arms spread open, palms spread open, things will start to shift. And you will feel that energy being compressed as we are pushing out the disbelief from you. That is the resistance that you feel. That is the pain and the suffering and the peeling away that you feel. That is all of this chipping away. That’s what it’s all about.

It’s releasing the resistance. It’s like a vice grip. It’s like being in a pressure cooker. It’s like having a Coke bottle and you’re shaking it up and you’re trying to depressurize it. The stuff needs to come out of you. Make sure you’re exhaling, make sure you’re breathing, make sure you’re recognizing, and then allow what’s coming in to be imprinted in such a way that you become it.

This is integration. Integration is the missing link. It is what we have not been taught. We are a being that came into this world and we were taught to turn off our emotions, to not listen to our body, to not listen to our feelings and sensations. We are now stepping into this time and space where we need to turn those on because where we’re moving forward to without the judgment, without the labels, without the program, we’re going to need these emotional centers and we’re being called to turn them back on.

So if you are a coach, a leader, a teacher of this work, and you are not doing the work yourself, I encourage you to reach out. Book a consultation with me. Let me know what your business is. I’ll see if I can help you. If I can’t, you can just follow along in the free group. Keep listening to the podcast.

But if it is you in the imposter story, and that’s what’s stopping your business from launching, it starts with you. The way you grow a business is the grow the owner. You have to be willing to look at yourself and do your own work first. You have to be willing to step into the story of who you are so you can step into the work that you do.

Make sense? Alright, tell me what you think about clocks and scales and money. This stuff, it’s really – my brain is so fun. I do have fun. This is my entertainment. I have a lot of fun by myself. I don’t have a lot of social activity here where I live but it is super fun to teach this stuff, to be in community with my group of coaches, to help them take their work out into the world.

I love celebrating with them whenever they get clients, when they step into their authenticity. It’s super powerful. It’s inspiring, it’s motivating, it’s fulfilling, it’s satisfying. I know that is what you’re seeking also. It’s never about the money, ever. It’s what does the money represent? So I’m going to ask you this question. What does the money represent for you?

Does it feel safe? Does it feel secure? Does it feel solid? Does it give you freedom? What does money represent for you? Write that down. And see if you can come to that feeling sensation now, and then the work is just bonus. That’s how you create joy and ease in your business.

And now I want you to ask what do the 20 clients represent for you. You have 20 clients, they’re paying you top dollar, that’s one thing I teach in my program. We do not do one-off sessions. I teach them how to do three-month, six-month, and 12-month packages only.

And I teach them about offering a lot of value, less clients, more value. That is the signature program that I help them to create and it’s always authentic to their unique gift, which sometimes does not come out until a few months in the program because you don’t want to figure out what your niche is, where your unique gift is while you are under the program because you’re going to be someone else.

And so I believe that you have to go through this unveiling process in order to find what your niche and what your specialty is. You can work on a few things and you can try them out, but it’s not as powerful as this is because once you step into it, you are her. It just fits like a glove.

So these are a couple of questions to ask yourself. So the last one was who are you? How does it feel? What are the results that you get once you have 20 clients paying you top dollar? So once you’re making $20,000, $50,000, $100,000, what does that mean to you that you’re serving this many clients, making this much money? What is the sensation in your body?

Because that’s your why. That’s what you’re driving for. You want to feel that. And you feel that now. You tap into that now. This is the law of attraction. You tap into that feeling now. You don’t tap into the lack of it. The lack of it is what creates the resistance and the wall.

Alright, so more on this later. I am actually right on time so I’m going to leave you with these few questions. I would love to hear from you. Come into the group. Send me an email. Respond, share the podcast, share it with your family, people that you feel are stuck in the story in the program.

Especially as you transform and start to change this, as you follow this work, you will start to shift just from listening to me because these transformations just come through and they have a way of shaking things up. So before you know it, things get rattled and start falling apart. That’s how I know you’ve been listening.

It’s some really good work. It’s very powerful and it is the path to liberation, and that’s really what we seek. We want to live our life’s legacy as integrated beings on all levels in our natural essence, in a life of ease, flow, freedom, and fun. Yes, yes, yes.

Once you say yes, I want that. Look out, take out your journal, beware, because things are going to start falling apart and you’ll be ready to do the work because that’s how it happens. We get pushed out of the nest, we get pushed off of the cliff because we have the wings and the universe will, or god, or divine, however, again, I don’t use labels.

The wings are meant for you to fly. Not for you to walk. Use your wings. Expand, explore, express. That’s what your wings are for. Alright, until next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset. If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to health, wealth, and relationships, head over to www.portal.kimguillory.com to learn more about the portal.  It’s a membership community where we take this work deeper, apply the concepts, and coach around the tough stuff.