#190: Know More and NO More
Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence Coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.
Hey there, and welcome. I am hanging out in Florida. We have a hurricane coming through, so it has been very interesting. You know, guys, I talk about the emotional authority and really following your strategy and authority, and this is one of those things where I am following and I’m trusting. I did not have any pressure about changing my mind or not coming.
It felt very clear to me it was the right thing to do it, and I had already decided, and flights were not canceled. So, I went ahead. The event was still happening, and I made my way here, and I am sitting in uncertainty because that’s what life is. It’s very uncertain. So, I’m assuming I will be able to fly home at some point after Thursday.
But it’s kind of not in my control. And when you really think about it, how much of life really is in your control? Other than us thinking we can manage everything, right? So interesting. But I am feeling calm and safe. I don’t feel any sort of urgency or that I did the wrong thing. I don’t have any regret.
Feels nice. I am satisfied. So that’s what it’s all about. Following your strategy and authority to make correct decisions for yourself, that is the most important thing for me anyway.
So, let’s get on with today’s show. So, for those of you who are following me on social media, you may have already seen this, but I’m going to go ahead and talk about it here.
I came up with this idea to do no more at 54, and it’s a challenge that I am going to post every day. Of what do I know? Like KNOW, what did I learn? What do I know that I didn’t know, sort of thing. And if you put a dash between the K and the N and the O and the W, the middle part of the word is no, which stands for NO more.
So, it’s know more. and no more.
What do I want to end? What do I want to stop? And if I’m living mindfully according to my strategy and authority and signals of satisfaction, then what else could I know?
You know how I’m always talking about, I’m willing to be surprised by what else is possible, that my mind has yet to experience? Well, it kind of goes along those lines.
What else could I know that I don’t know right now, that would be possible so that I can experience something different? And what would it be like to cut out things that I really don’t want to do anymore? So, it could be … no procrastinating, no excuses, no agendas, no attachments, right? So, I am going to do this for an entire year.
I am challenging myself and it is so uncomfortable. Matter of fact, it’s 9:30 at night right now as I am recording this. I was in class all day and then I went out with friends and had dinner and I’m just getting back and it’s somewhat hard. I don’t feel like it’s challenging, suffering kind of hard, but to make a decision and to stick to it, to commit all the way, and then to use discipline.
But that truly is where transformation comes from. So, I had this brilliant idea that I would do this every single. Building the bridge between 54 and 55; what do I not want to do anymore? So, the no more? And then what else could I learn through this experience? So today I’m going to talk about one of the first things that I took on, and I’m using the acronym, J.E.E.R.
Someone came up with this while I was presenting at the Human Design Conference. It is: NOT justifying, excusing, explaining, or rationalizing.
So, it’s part of the no more- the no more justifying, no more excusing, no more explaining, and no more rationalizing. This is one of the first assignments I give to new coaches, especially when they come in with codependency, people pleasing, needing to be nice, doing things. They really don’t know what to know, don’t really want to do, and they keep doing it out of habit, that sort of thing. And it is so challenging. So, I’m going to offer it to you here. No justifying, no excusing, no explaining, and no rationalizing.
So, I’m just going to talk briefly on each one. Think about when you justify something, right? It’s almost like excusing it. It’s given the rhyme and reason behind it, justifying why you want to buy that new car. It could be anything. Why you do the thing you do and why you don’t do the thing you do.
It’s like, why should I think about it like negotiating, justifying is like, “yeah, well, you know, my other car needed new tires and so I didn’t want to keep spending money on maintenance.” And so, it’s like you are justifying why you’re buying the new car. We do this all the time.
We justify why we choose what we choose for dinner. We justify the hotel that we stay at, why we chose those times on the flights. So that’s the “J.”
And you are welcome to take one of these or to try all of them, and I would love to hear about your experience. The second one is no excuses and no excusing, like having to give an excuse of why you do what you do.
So, if someone asked you to go out or to go on a trip with you or asked if you want to go shopping. You don’t give the excuse why; you just say yes.
Just try it. I know it’s crazy and it sounds impolite, but it truly will transform you because you have to deal with all of the thoughts that go on in your mind behind it.
Like, are they going to be mad? I really need to tell them why, and they’re not going to understand. And then they kind of look at you like, what’s going on with you? Are you mad at me? Why aren’t you telling me?
So, no excusing, don’t make excuses. Don’t give excuses. The third one, which is another “E,” is explaining, and that is, these are all closely related, but you can just ask yourself, Am I justifying?
Am I excusing? Am I explaining. Guys, it’s exhausting when we explain ourselves. It’s exhausting when we have to listen to someone explain themself, and as you start doing this personal transformation work and you quit justifying excuses, explaining and rationalizing, you will find it very hard to be in relationship with people who do that.
It’s like they always have this explanation for everything. And it’s just the mind rattling off. It’s meaningless. It’s like we don’t know what to do with the silence. Like not validating or, or just needing people to understand us. And so, we just talk to talk and it’s a habit. Try this for 24 hours.
The last one is rationalizing. Rationalizing is another form of excusing, and it is something that I caught myself doing a lot. Rationalizing is an attempt to explain or justify one’s own or another’s behavior attitude with logical, plausible reasons, even if these are not true or appropriate.
So, think about where you rationalize and when you rationalize. And also going on a little detox diet with just 24 hours of not doing any of the four. And just take note of maybe there’s one you lean into more than the other. Maybe you don’t even notice that you do it at this point. So, when I say diet, I mean like a cleanse, a J.E.E.R. cleanse.
No justifying, no excusing, no explaining, and no rationalizing. Allow other people to have their emotions and to have their thoughts and don’t feel like you need to come in and save the day, make them feel better or, you have to say certain things in order to feel nice or polite, and let me know how it goes.
You can find us in the More Than Mindset Facebook Group. And if you want to do more of this work on a deeper level, then you may be interested in my 10-Week Mind Body Intensive. This is advanced coaching for the individual and the practitioner. I take 10 people for 10 weeks and we do a deep dive into the concepts that I teach.
So, if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while and you’ve wondered how to actually implement these in your life, this is a great opportunity. Send an email to [email protected], or come into my social media and just send me a private message. I’m pretty open and friendly about that and inquire if you think you’re interested.
I am halfway through the first round, so we’re on week five if you’re catching this podcast at the end of September. So, if you happen to be listening to it later, you can still inquire about when the next round is. I know these timely things are kind of weird.
But if you find yourself excusing, explaining, justifying, rationalizing, playing nice, being worried about what other people think, or what they do, or how you should or shouldn’t behave, and you’re always trying to smooth things over. Classic codependency. People pleasing behavior. And guys, these are not anything about you.
This is habit behavior, that simple. We’ve been taught this as little kids, we’ve been taught to play nice, and you got to behave a certain way if you want to be invited to the party or, that you should worry about what people think about you. And this stuff is buried deep in our body, and we have a visceral experience.
Whenever we stop doing it, it feels very uncomfortable. Which is why I’m saying try it for 24 hours and just see how it goes, how it feels, and maybe you’ll find some sort of new awareness where this is actually stopping you from the more intimate relationships that you want to have.
Maybe it’s making more money in your business, maybe it’s helping your clients go deeper, because if you are a coach or a change-worker and you have these habits and behaviors, it’s going to be really hard to work with someone else because you’re always trying to smooth things over and make it more comfortable for the other. It doesn’t matter if it’s your clients or your partner, family, whatever it is. And so, it will show up in your coaching, it’ll show up in your practice, and all of your relationships. It’ll show up in your bank account and it’ll show up in your body.
So that’s it, that’s what I got for you this week. I am not sure when I’m heading home, but we are safe. There’s a little bit of wind and a little rain, and I think a few tornadoes here and there, but for the most part it is pretty comfortable where I am. So, I wish you a great week.
Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.