Ep #236: The Power Shift of Living in the Gain

As I stumbled upon the pages of Dan Sullivan’s book, ‘The Gap and the Gain,’ I felt a profound shift within me. I realized how often I was trapped in focusing on what I was lacking, instead of celebrating my gains and achievements. This realization sparked a transformation, which I’m excited to share with you.

Our conversation today centers on the essence of shifting your perspective from what’s missing in your life to the progress you’ve made. It’s a simple yet profound change that can open up a myriad of opportunities and bring about a greater sense of fulfillment.

Let this episode be your guide to an amazing journey of transformation and don’t forget to celebrate the gains you’ve already made in your life. 

 

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What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • How to embrace and appreciate personal growth, regardless of its size
  • The importance of consistency, commitment, and discipline
  • How gratitude can make a significant difference in your personal growth
  • How to ease self-imposed pressure by focusing on gains rather than gaps

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

Ep #236: The Power Shift of Living in the Gain

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey there, and welcome back to the show, guys. It is almost nine o’clock at night. I just remembered that I didn’t record the podcast today. I did extra calls today. We had a breakthrough session in the coaching membership that lasted a couple of hours, may, yeah, I think an hour and a half to two hours, and that is the time where I usually record the podcast either at the end of the day or before I start my day.

And I was busy both times. So, I did a lot of coaching. Today we just started the priority project, in case you heard me talking about it recently. This is the week that we get started. You’re going to hear quite a bit about this, ’cause I’m in it for 90 days, if not until the end of the year, because I do not think it is a one-time event.

I think it is something that is always working towards, because it involves a routine, a committed, disciplined routine if you want to meet your goals. You need to set it and then you need to have strategy, and then you need consistency. So, I think we need to get over this black and white once and done kind of thinking, and this is why like New Year’s resolutions and stuff don’t work, right.

So, you’ll probably hear me talking a lot about this 90-day project, but for this week I am rereading the book The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan. Let me pull it up to make sure I am giving you the right. Yeah, and Dr. Benjamin Hardy, the Gap and the Game, and I just re-listened to the intro. And I actually didn’t get any further than that.

It was enough of exactly what I wanted to hear, and I have referred to all week long. So, I’m going to talk about the difference between the gap and the gain, and maybe you will see why it’s important to live in one and not the other. That is my hopes from this. But I’m going to read something to you that I took notes.

If you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have. If you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have. So, imagine that you have gotten where you are right now and everything that it took to get to this point, and you want to get over here. So, this is where you are today, and it took certain steps and experiences in order to get you there.

I think we can both agree and then the way that, that we’re always focusing on doing better, getting more growing, evolving, and so then we’re focused on where we want to go, right? So, if you focus on what you lack, you lose. What you have, so I’m taking this to back to Abraham Hicks, right? Let’s look at the law of attraction.

If you are focused on what you don’t have, like, I want 10 more clients, I want more, $10,000 more income. I want to lose 10 more pounds. When you’re thinking about that, you’re thinking about what you don’t have. It’s almost like you’re thinking about the illusion. It’s like future tense, and then you lose where you are right now instead of looking back and seeing where you came from and then being in appreciation of the actual gain.

So, when you’re focused. On what you lack, what you don’t have, the 10 pounds, the $10,000, the 10 clients, whatever that is to you. Like I have to have that, and I don’t have that, and I’m so frustrated and I can’t figure out why I don’t have that. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. When you’re thinking like that, you are not thinking about where you were last year or maybe six months ago or six years ago.

That got you to where you are right now. So, what I had my students do is make a list, like we did this in E-school today. So, before you came into E-school, where was your income? Where was your mindset? Where was your relationship? Why did you come into E-school? What was your goal? What did you need to fix?

What problem did you need to solve? I want you to write that first. And now I want you to make a list of what you have gotten or attained. What are your results since you started? And I had some that did not even know what their income was. They were massage therapists who were just, or yoga teachers who were just like working and never really looked at even having a goal.

They were just like looking at the end of the week and like, oh my God, I got to hurry up and do some more so that I can pay for some things. Where they are now is a steady five, $6,000 a month working with boundaries, weekends off, evenings off. But they lost sight of that because they were focused on what’s the next big step, what’s the next goal, and thinking about how they weren’t there yet.

And so, I’ll read this again. If you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have. So, they couldn’t even see how far they had gotten because the focus was on what they don’t have. Here’s the second part of this. If you focus on what you have, you gain what you lack. So now imagine being in appreciation and recognition and gratitude for a consistent, sustainable, predictable, profitable business.

Like, oh yeah, I’ve been making steady money every single month. I’m not. Coming in at night, working on the weekends, negotiating schedules. Everything is pre-planned. Pre-scheduled. I have consistent clients that come on a regular basis. I have a steady income, a consistent business, and it’s profitable. So, if they were focused on that, then guess what?

They would get more of. See, it’s really like the law of attraction, but it landed at the right time, the right place. I started playing with this last week and I was talking to my team about it, and we had one day. We meet every morning, and we have a team call and like we’re always growing and learning and reading and sharing and we meet every morning and talk about it.

And so that morning I was like, I don’t even want to hear what you’re going to do or what you’re learning or what you’re going to fix. I want to hear what you’re celebrating. Because I’m pretty sure I have not developed a habit to celebrate, and I’m like, I’m just calling myself out here. I don’t get a lot of cheerleading.

I definitely don’t get it from my family, and I don’t like I never have been. My love language is not words of affirmation. I don’t need that. I’m self-driven. I’m self-motivated and self-disciplined. But I forget, and this book reminded me. I forget that people need to hear it. And so, I took the opportunity to apologize and share that.

I don’t think I say it often enough. I don’t think I recognize it, and I see where I do this with my clients. So, I’m going to apologize to all of you too. And it’s not because I’m hard ass. I want you to go somewhere else. It’s ’cause I don’t function that way. And so, I forget because we think everyone thinks like us.

We think everyone has the same integrity, has the same vision, has the same mindset, the same perception. And that’s just a human flaw. I forget. And so, reading this, just the intro brought me back to slowing down. I. And calming down and really giving some, a little bit of cheerleading, but a more than that, it was recognition of what a great job they are doing.

And what happened is, all of a sudden, I could see where everyone else was doing so well, where everyone else was growing and how much better they were. Like I had my Advanced MIND BODY Coach Training today, certification training, and. I just watching from this, this new lens, I noticed how far those students have come and it was so nice to be in, in that gain.

It just kind of blew my mind, and I’m hoping for those who are listening that were on that call today, that you noticed the difference. It felt really good, and I noticed it with my grandkids on Sunday. I pointed out things that they were doing well. I placed an order with Ella who does bracelets, and I went and picked them up today and I didn’t realize that could really be wounding when they look up to us, whether it’s our kids or our clients or our friends that look up to us and appreciate us.

And we never say, and I’m talking for myself, I’m not talking for anyone else, and I never say, what a great job you’re doing. I’m really proud of you. I love the work that you are putting in. I can see the difference, and I noticed that since I started to recognize that. They seem happier. I think that is something I’m driven by.

I do like to be recognized and acknowledged that I do, but I don’t need words of affirmation and I actually don’t even believe when someone tells me something because we’re kind of taught to say polite and nice things. So, I’m just kind of that off, you know, the shit sandwich. You say something really nice, then you give them the real news and then you know, pack it on with something nice again.

That always rubbed me wrong, but I didn’t realize how, I had kind of hardened to thinking no one needed this, especially in the position of a mentor, a teacher, a coach, a leader. So, I’m recommending just listen to the intro or just take this one phrase and see what you can do with it. This week, if you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have.

Because when you’re out of appreciation, you’re in absence of the mind cannot hold conflicting beliefs. It can only hold one. So, what you focus on is what you become and when you’re always focusing on what you don’t have, what you want to gain when you’re focused on the lack. You’re going to get more of that because you are out of the awareness, you’re out of the gratitude, you’re out of the recognition of what you do have and where you have come from.

So, one of the exercises that I do with my students and put in the free Facebook group pretty often is, what do you have that you want? And I’ve been practicing this with like things, I have this 2,500 square foot building. I get to come to work, I get to record podcasts at nine o’clock at night. I get to do whatever I want here, and I am not worried about how much money it brings in or not.

It’s a building that I get to use to do my work in. If I want to do a live event, if I want to teach a yoga class, if I want to have a guest over and them have some kind of class, like we’ve done sound bath classes, we’ve done Aveda classes, grow your business classes. If I want to do anything like that, I have the space and I forget.

Sometimes to like really appreciate that I have all this space. It’s in my yard, like it’s, I walk across so it’s not at my house, but it’s near my house. I can drive or walk here every day. I forget to appreciate that I have fiber internet. Like I did a few years ago when I got the podcast because our internet here was crummy and I couldn’t upload anything.

Like I really appreciate the speed of. Uploading these podcasts and my Zoom doesn’t go out and I don’t lose connection. I have really good internet, which makes my job easier. It’s so much more convenient. When I walk up to my car, I have a Yukon. I love my car. I remember when I bought it, I was like, I don’t want this.

I tried to return it. I thought like you had 72 hours to change your mind. I literally tried to return it, but I really love that it fits my body. It drives well that there’s plenty of room in it, and now every time I walk up to it, I’m like, I love owning you. I love having this car. It took me all the way to California, from Louisiana to California up to Oregon and back, like with no trouble.

I really appreciate it, and I’m so glad I have that because my first car cost $125. I made installments. It was my friend’s dad selling her car because it kept leaving her everywhere and he sold it to me for $125 and he let me pay in installments. Like, oh my God. Like I don’t want to ever forget where I’ve come from.

I remember living in a house where the bugs would come in at night. I had to like stuff things, towels and stuff under the doors, and I couldn’t run the air conditioner because I didn’t have the money to pay the bill. And it was me and my son and it was a government housed home, like, I don’t know what you call it, a HUD house and like, oh my God.

Like I, this I do every night. Like I am so comfortable in my bed. I’m so appreciative that it is comfortable that we are safe. I’m not afraid. I spent a lot of years, my entire childhood growing up so scared. I couldn’t sleep, I was so scared. I was always by myself. I would look up in the back of the Bible.

I would read about fear. I’d try to relax myself. I am so safe. I’m so comfortable. I have what I want and need. I can literally go to the store and get anything that I want. I just got back from, like I was in Miami. I’m going back to Miami next week. I was in Nashville twice in the last two months. I just got back from Las Vegas.

I’ve been to Colorado recently. I can go wherever I want when I want. I have a career that I can take calls from the road, from the hotel, from my car. My car has internet. So, I can literally take a zoom call from anywhere that I just park my car and it plugs into the internet so much to be appreciative for.

And this by no means is bragging. I am a woman of convenience, and I am willing to work and be uncomfortable and do what I have to do to have those conveniences. So that’s why the gap and the gain really impacted me. If you are in the gap, if you are in the space of I don’t have what I want and need, and you’re focused on that and you have pressure from that, and you’re not in appreciation of how far you have come in the last six months, the last year, the last two years, the last 20 years.

Then you cannot find happiness. You cannot find joy because we never stop seeking the gap. It’s just our nature. It’s how we are and when we are in the gain, like this is what I have gained. This is how far I have come from welfare and food stamps and single teenage mom. Who had no family to help me, didn’t know what the hell I was doing with this kid.

Like that’s where I was. I spent a lot of years wanting to die. I was not happy. I couldn’t find happiness. I was always sick. I was on 20, for 24 years. I was on seven medications. I’ve had 15 surgeries. My God, I’ve come so far and when I look at it this way, I. I don’t beat myself up. I’m not mean to myself, but I soften, and I recognize like with compassion and empathy, that is my mind that can’t be satisfied.

That’s always looking for what’s missing or what other grass is greener or whatever that is. But when I really look at the gains and I make the list and I write it out, and so for some of you, maybe you didn’t have that kind of crappy childhood. Maybe your gratitude is in the parents that you did have, or the partner that you do have now, or the kids that you do have a great relationship now.

What is it in your life that you have come from not having to having journal about it, write about it? Talk about it and watch how your mood changes. I have an entire gym in this building. I have all of the Peloton equipment from every weight to the bike, to the rower, to the treadmill. I have a tonal, it’s a robot-like AI that measures the pounds that I lift in my work like.

I’m so lucky. I’m so fortunate, but not because someone gave it to me because I wanted it. I saw it, I had a vision for it, and I mapped it out. I strategized. I was willing to do some work for it. I was willing to do things that a lot of people won’t do, like recording this podcast. How many people would’ve just skipped this week instead of walking across at nine o’clock at night in the dark and committed?

I’ve never missed one week, 230, whatever episodes I’ve never missed a week. I’m committed. I’m loyal. I’m disciplined. Those are gains. What would you write about yourself if you were telling this story about yourself? What do you love that you have? What do you appreciate that you have instead of focusing on what you want that you don’t have?

Can you see the difference between living in the gain or living in the gap? I hope that everyone listening to this, that is in my community, that’s in self-healing masters, in coach training or in E-school, I hope you noticed. I hope you noticed the change this week. Because I noticed it and I saw you differently.

I saw you winning. I saw. Your advancements. I saw how far you’ve come. As a matter of fact, I’ve already sent messages and posted in the groups how proud I am of them. It’s not because they did better than last week, it’s because I couldn’t see it when I’m focused on them like, ’cause when my clients say they want something or they lack something, I tend to get personally attached to that.

And then I put this pressure for them to go get it the same way that I would go get it. And I am at fault for that. I recognize it and I’m willing to ask those questions. When I feel that pressure in my body, when I feel that tension, when I feel the dissatisfaction or the frustration, I pause and I contemplate and I ask.

I’m frustrated because, and then I let that part of me be there. I let it come up. I noticed that a lot of it is stuff from childhood and from the past of just some old beliefs. I don’t believe them anymore, but there are still some memories of it in my body. There’s still some residue in my system, and when we did the breakthrough session today, I talked about that.

So, guys, if you. We’re always looking at what is lacking, and you’re always looking at how far you have to go. It’s going to be very hard to find satisfaction and joy, and pleasure and happiness. So, I would like to leave you with the challenge this week of noticing what you have, noticing how far you’ve come, and maybe just trying two hours a day to live in the gain.

Notice how you feel and notice what comes from that. Because when you’re in the game, you gain more exactly as this saying. If you f, and I wish I could quote exactly who said it, but I’m telling you, I don’t remember. But it’s there and it’s in the introductory chapter. You focus on what you lack, you lose what you have.

And if you focus on what you have, you gain what you lack. So, if I’m in appreciation of my clients, if I’m in appreciation of the work that I do, the things that I have, I’m happy, I’m satisfied, I’m joyful, I’m appreciative. I’m telling people what an amazing job they’re doing. What do you think is going to happen?

They’re going to be more successful and I’m going to be more successful. So that’s what I got. I love the way this feels. It feels light and easy and comfortable. It feels comfortable, and I recognize that it is a habit of always needing to attain and always needing to gain and always needing to grow.

And although I can see it in my clients, I often can’t see it in myself, but I know that if they are mirroring that there is a part of that in me. And so, I like to stop and do my own work. Now, the priority. Project, although it sounds like get out there and get shit done, it is not, it really is about getting it done.

But the way that I am presenting it, I promise you, you’ve never seen goal setting presented this way. It’s something that I discovered in my own journey and we, I’ve already started to introduce it and I’m telling you, if you go and look at my social media right now, you will see that the clients who are doing this work with me.

It’s like they’re already another personality. They’re already excited and inspired and motivated, and we haven’t even started yet. And I believe it’s because I’m in the game. I believe it’s been that impactful for me, for my kids, for my husband. It’s everywhere. It’s all around me. My daughter-in-law sent me a message and she was like, I almost didn’t message you.

They’re like three and a half hours away, two and a half hours away. She says they have a birthday party on Saturday. I know you don’t like birthday parties. I don’t know you. I know you don’t like people. I don’t. And I was like, I know I, there are a lot of things that I hate, but I do it because of the people that I love, like, so even noticing that, like how much I was dreading.

Being in public going shopping. I went shopping with my daughter-in-law over the weekend. It was so hot and miserable, but I did it because of this book, because of this. This one, all I got from it is this, by the way, this and something that Dan Sullivan was saying about interns that he had that were like super bright, really smart people, and what he noticed is when someone is really smart and high achieving that they kind of get to the top.

And then they realize they’re still not happy, and that has set a lot of people up for suicide. And it’s a realization that I can’t ever get more, because the more doesn’t bring a happiness. So, I’m going to just stop there. And let you know that when something, whether it’s one paragraph, one sentence, an entire book or a course creates that kind of impact, I really want everyone else to know about it.

How simple is that? To take that one phrase, and contemplate on it every single morning and watch what it does? I feel brighter. I feel lighter, I feel happier. And I really believe now that I can be the kind of person who gives compliments in a very loving and meaningful way, not because I think they need it, because it feels good to give it, it feels good to recognize them, and it feels good to recognize that I want to be recognized and acknowledged.

I think this is going to be a game changer for me. I think this is going to turn a lot of things around in my business. I noticed a couple of weekends ago, I talked about it on the show here. I was judging people who were in a higher position. And then I realized that if I’m judging and comparing like what they have, I will never be able to attain that heightened status of success in any way, shape or form, because I’m judging it because I’m putting it down.

So, it’s the same thing if I recognition I have to give recognition, and not because I’m faking it, but because I’m actually living in the gain. I’m living in the success. I’m living in the wins. I’m living in the results, and I think when my team hears this, they’re going to be really excited too, and hopefully they will pass it on to their people.

I apologize, if ever you have needed that from me and I was not able to give it to you, now I’m available to give it to myself. Now I’m available to receive it, and it has turned everything around because now I can give it. And when I give it, I get it back because it feels so good to me, and I have this genuine joy and happiness that is not about going to get something else.

It’s about being in the gain that already exists. So, thank you guys for writing the book, for bringing that awareness to my attention. And thank you for listening to coming to the show week after week, no matter what the topic is on, because it changes all the time. Thank you for sharing my life with me.

I appreciate you. Thank you for sharing the podcast. Thank you for coming to the More Than Mindset Group and introducing yourself. And if you know anyone. Who you think would appreciate listening to it. I do appreciate you sharing. And you can also catch this if you want to watch the video and watch all my hand language.

Most of these are also recorded on YouTube, and you can watch the live video, especially when we do interviews. All right, my friends have an amazing week. I appreciate you. You’re doing a great job and I see you. Can you see you and can you be in your game? And to release the gap, it’s okay to set the goal, set it, and forget it.

Have your strategy in place. Prioritize your time. Make sure you have a routine and it’s just going to happen.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.

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