Ep #235: Master Your Habits, Transform Your Life

 

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Ep #235: Master Your Habits, Transform Your Life

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Alrighty. Hey there, and welcome back to the show. So, I’ve got a good one for you today or what I think is a good one. As last week I talked about habits and some addictions to the habits that we have, like social media, cell phones just being so pulled by electronics. And this is going to lead into the next, I’m going to say for the next couple of months, you’re going to hear a lot about this.

I am talking about habits that create your results. So, the name of the show is more than mindset, and it doesn’t mean that I minimize the effects of mindset because I don’t, I truly believe that mindset is so important, and everyone needs to understand that our mindset. Does create a lot of what’s in our life because it’s the accumulation of our past experience, our thoughts, our attitudes, our behavior, our perception of the way the world works and experiences that we’ve had, forms our mindset, right?

And we also know that can be changed, which is great news. The biggest problem is we don’t really understand. Mindset or how to change the mindset as a whole. So, I have been in a community where it was all about change your thoughts and my first mentor was Louise Hay, and she was always saying that don’t think that way.

Change your thoughts, think nicely of yourself. Be kind, love yourself. And I’m like, I get it. Louise, I hear you, but I changed my thoughts. Nothing else is changing. Like I was so aggravated by that. And I remember stopping, I was on the road, I was riding my bike and I was listening to a 2014 Hay House recording event, whatever, and I’m like, no, Louise.

It does not work that way. Like I was so insistent that she was wrong, and she wasn’t telling the whole story. Now when I listen back, I realize she was, but I couldn’t hear it. I wasn’t able to receive the message as a whole. And so, I was just doing the part of changing my thoughts and like walking around with affirmations and thinking different and not understanding why it wasn’t changing anything.

I remember when I was yelling at her, not that she could hear me, I was like, I am going to finish this work. Like I’m going to figure it out and I’m going to tell people. And it was really about uprooting. I remember thinking you can’t just cover up the negativity with a positive thought if you don’t actually believe it.

I was like, you have to uproot. You’ve got to dig that other thing up so that you can replace it with something else. But I really didn’t know the how. Now I do. And hopefully I teach it in a way that is easily understood. It’s my attempt to do that anyway. So, what I’m talking about today is how habits create your result.

So, it’s not necessarily your thoughts, although your thoughts do have a part in it. But what I’m going to do today is to break it down to going beneath some of the conscious thoughts. Let’s just use for an example, you want to. Lose weight or let me just stick to one. You want to lose weight, and so your goal is to lose 30 pounds.

So, the very first thing we have to do is identify what is the goal? Is it attainable? Can we truly achieve it? Is it reasonable? And can we measure it? Do we have a path to it? Do we know that it is possible? And once we know what the goal is I can’t say I want to lose 30 pounds in 10 days. It’s just not reasonable.

It’s not attainable. It’s just not real. That’s just like the positive affirmation thing. But if I say I have the goal to lose 30 pounds. The second step is to map out the math and the path. So how long does it take for the human body to release weight, like something that is measurable and attainable?

And so, we know the average is about two pounds, like max, about two pounds a week. Consistently. And so, if I want to lose 30 pounds, then I can map that out and I will know that it’s going to take at least 15 weeks, right? So that’s four months. So that’s the math and the path. So, lose 30 pounds. How this is what I’m going to do for this number of weeks or days or months.

And then the third step is who do I need to become? And so, what are the habits that I need to have? Who is the person that is 30 pounds lighter? So, it’s not me who I am today because these are the habits that I have. This is the way that I think this is. These are the things that I do, and this is where that has led me.

These are the results. So, who do I need to become in order to follow through with the math and the path? Who do I need to become to take off and keep off 30 pounds? That’s the third step. The fourth step is what do I need to get rid of? What do I need to release? What do I need to quit doing? So, the person I am today got me to where I am today through the habits and behaviors that I currently have.

Do we agree? So now I’m going to map this out and then I’m going to determine who I need to become, which is likely someone who is committed. Who is disciplined, who does what she says she’s going to do. So, if I follow the math and the path, it’s going to lead to those results. So, what I need to get rid of is not following the math and path.

Does that make sense? So, what do I need to get rid of? Could be my thoughts. Oh, it’s so hard. It takes so long. I really want it. I don’t know when I’m going to be able to eat this again. I need to take advantage of this moment, and I don’t want to be deprived. It might be thoughts like that, which is what many people struggle with when it comes to weight loss.

The other thing that I need to get rid of is the belief that I can’t do it right, and the belief that I’m not disciplined. I’m not committed that I don’t follow through with new habits and behavior. I need to get rid of all of that. So, I need to ditch the excuses. I need to ditch the old habits and behavior.

I need to follow the plan and not lie to myself. I do think that we lie to ourselves a lot and that we don’t understand why we can’t change it, but it’s because we’re not really. So, we continue to lie to ourselves, and it keeps us in the same position that we’re in today. So those are the four steps to actually writing down your goal.

Deciding how you’re going to do it and committing to that, become the person who does it, and then get rid of what got you where you are right now. So that takes me to really understanding habits and how habits become your results. So, as I’m doing this 90 day. I’ve already started, but I’m doing it for the public also.

And I hope some of you will join me. That’s going to be coming up. We’re going to start in August. We’re probably going to go all the way through the rest of the year. So, if you happen to get this later, just send an email and say, how can I become a part of this? So, we’ll have a few story dates, and what we’re going to do is get really crystal clear on how to set goals.

Goals that are attainable. That are achievable, and then how to become the committed, disciplined person that follows through with what you say you’re going to do, and then quits with the lies and excuses, the things that you have been telling yourself, the actions that you have been taking, and you’re going to give yourself the credit for where you are today.

Because as soon as you can get real and you can get out of resistance of like it being hard and you needing to, it’s almost committed to the excuses, right? So, if you’ve been saying for 10 years, I want to lose 30 pounds, but you keep doing the same thing that you used to do, then you can clearly see that it’s the habits that need to change, right?

It’s not just my thoughts or my beliefs, but what do I do? What’s the action that I take when I have the thoughts and beliefs and what feeling is compelling me to stay committed, to stay disciplined, and to stay in the game, as well as what feelings are causing me to quit. So, if I have the thoughts, it’s going to take too long.

I’m going to be deprived. It’s not going to be comfortable. And then I feel maybe it’s disappointed or impatient. That is driving what action? Eating it anyway. Doing it anyway. Not being consistent, not closing the kitchen. That’s what’s actually creating the results, the habits, not what you’re thinking and not what you’re feeling.

Matter of fact, Thoughts are just sentences in your head, and fillings are just sensations in your body. Neither one of those creates or causes results. Your reaction, re dash action, in other words, acting what you are doing, the habits, the steps, the activity that you are taking is what’s creating the results.

And the sooner you can get real. And take responsibility for the actions that you are doing or not doing. The quicker you can get to your goals, and you can attain the results that you really want. I hope this is clear and it doesn’t sound like I’m just talking at you. We are going to go through the exact process of, first, determining the goal that you want to meet.
Many of us do not even dream anymore. We don’t even wish; we don’t even put out requests because we don’t believe we can do it. And we believe all of the excuses that we have fed ourselves or truth, they’re not truth. As a matter of fact, most of what you say is not truth.

It’s just like a mind drama. We just say a bunch of things that’s not true, and we don’t even hear ourselves. 95% of our thoughts are just rambling. We don’t even notice what we are saying, so we know for sure that our thoughts, we’re not creating our results, but what you were doing and not doing what you were putting in your mouth.

What you are deciding to eat or not eat, what you are committing to comfort or discomfort is what’s actually creating your results. So, I’m going to tell you one more thing about habits and where habits come from and how it pertains to our results. So, when we don’t question our normal, average, everyday behavior, we can for sure.

Know that is what’s creating the result over time. When you stop and question, like notice how many times you are uncomfortable and you’re sitting at a table with people and you’re in conversation and you’re just mindlessly eating. Notice when you are bored standing in the refrigerator or in the pantry, how you’re just grabbing things and not being honest with yourself.

Not writing it down, not taking note that you were doing it, and it just happens on the fly. Like you’re not even aware of most of what you do in our everyday life. We don’t, we’re not aware of what we say. We’re not aware of what we feel, we’re not aware of what we do, but when we start tracking our habits, we can just call this the habit tracker, something that we do in the membership.

So, I have a coaching membership, and it’s all about changing your identity and practicing the new identity in the community so that it can be more comfortable for you out there in the material world, because it’s really hard. First to change habits and behaviors around the people who are used to us being who we are right now.

They want to know why and why you need to change that you find like you are. They don’t like that you quit people pleasing, and you quit doing the things like setting. You start setting boundaries and you quit doing things that you don’t want to do anymore. They don’t like that. They want you to stay exactly as you are so they can keep getting what they get from you.

So, this membership is a place for you to come and practice boundaries. And goals and being accountable to yourself and taking responsibility for what you want and stop blaming people in your life. Stop blaming time change and stop blaming your partners or your kids. Or someone told me the other day the reason that adults are overweight is because of kids.

I’m like, come on, seriously. Yeah, it might be a little more tempting because you have food all over the counter, or your kids don’t finish their food and you eat it, but you have got to take responsibility for your habits. The kids are not putting it in your mouth. You are. But as long as we have those excuses and other people around us and we continue to repeat them, the same stinking results that we don’t want.

So let me talk to you about how to change your habits. First off. You’ve got to see that you’re doing it. So becoming a detective, writing notes, having memos, like I have the notes in my phone that I use for anything that I’m trying to change, and I make myself stop and write down what I’m doing so that I can look at the end of the day or the end of the month and I can see what got me the results that I currently have.

It didn’t happen by chance guys. It happened through habit. You continue to do the same thing; you will continue to get the same results. Now, the way that the mind works is it’s got conflicting beliefs. I want it, but I don’t want to suffer. I want to be thin, but I want to eat like it’s got these conflicting beliefs going all the time.

And if we don’t have commitment and we don’t have discipline, guess which one we’re going to listen to? The one that gives us the quickest sense of satisfaction, the one that takes the least amount of effort. And the one that can give us instant gratification right now, because that is the way that your brain functions.

It is always looking for pleasure hits. It doesn’t want to be inconvenience. It doesn’t want to wait. It’s very impatient and it wants to keep you alive. And if you are suffering and struggling, your brain’s oh my God, we’re going to die. We used to have the joke in the community that was like, I did the thing that was hard, and I didn’t die, because we are very often.

Letting this stuff play in our head without us stopping it, we’re not going to die because we’re uncomfortable. We’re not going to die because we feel certain things and we are not going to get our results if we don’t start feeling and growing the muscle of discipline to change our habits and behavior. Now listen, some of you super committed, resilient.

You do what you say you’re going to do and never fail. You’re just that person and you expect everyone else to be like you and they’re not. So, I just want to tell you that they’re not, most people are not disciplined. I think we’re committed, but you will know if you’re committed by the action that you take, by the habits that you have.

If you wanted to lose 30 pounds, feel healthy and strong, then you would watch what you’re putting in your mouth and you would strengthen your muscles, right? So, there’s, you can lose weight without exercising. That for sure can be done, but if you want to feel strong, then you’re going to need to grow the muscle.

And that is the same thing with your habits If you want. What you are doing to truly be effective, you’re going to have to commit and you’re going to have to practice discipline, which means you’re going to have to repeat those actions consistently until they become a habit, because that is what a habit is. It’s repetitive actions.

That become automatically so you’re no longer arguing with yourself about if you’re going to do it or not do it. You’re no longer negotiating. A habit is something that you practice until it becomes second nature, first nature, like the thing that you always go to. But when you’re first starting, it’s a lot of mental chatter.

You’re constantly arguing between the mind and the brain and the feelings and the emotions and the negotiating and there’s just a lot of drama going on. But the day you commit, and I mean you truly commit, and you begin to, like I’m talking, this is going to have to become a ritual that you just do every single day.

It will eventually become automatic. Just like the excuses are now automatic, the negotiating is now automatic. You have grown a muscle to negotiating and quitting and stopping and not following through, and that has become your new norm, and that norm is now your results. And so, if you could drop the resistance and get really honest with yourself.

If you have mental chatter that says, no, I am consistent, I promise you, then start writing it down so that you can see what’s really happening. Because if your muscles are not getting stronger, I would have to argue with you. Is that true that you are pushing yourself beyond comfort? Or that you’re pushing through discomfort because in order to grow the muscles at the gym, it’s not going to come from doing the same exact thing every single day, because as you get stronger, you have to challenge even that.

And so, it’s not going to be comfortable, but it’s exactly what the brain does not want. It’s got to be easy, it’s got to be pleasurable, so it needs to really be fun. It should happen instantly. And so that’s what you’re up against. So, what I want to tell you is if you decide what you want, you have to first choose what is your goal going to be, and then you map it out.

The path. What is the plan? How do I get there? What is the math and the path? So, if I want to make $10,000 and my thing that I sell is a hundred dollars, how many times do I need to sell it? That’s the math and the path. It’s super simple. There’s no drama. It is factual math and path 30 pounds, two pounds a week, at least 15 weeks.

So, you can say four months or 16 weeks. And you have to do it consistently. Because if you don’t do it consistently, then your math and your path are not going to work because you didn’t do what you said you were going to do. So, who do you need to become to follow through with the math and the path You need to become a person who doesn’t listen to their excuses.

You need to become a person who challenges the thoughts that your mind tells you. You need to become a person that watches what other people do. And then continue to do what you want. In other words, quit following. Quit making excuses. Quit lying to yourself and be a person who is committed and reliable and dependable and responsible.

And what do you need to get let go of. Following everyone else and trying a whole bunch of things, but not being consistent with one thing. You need to get rid of the belief that you can’t do it or that it’s hard or it’s uncomfortable. You have got to get to the point where you realize that is not a problem.

Yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable. Yes, it’s going to be hard. Dang it. I’m going to have to do it every single day. So, what, like you will have to get rid of discomfort being a problem and. You have to commit to yourself, and you might want to make a list of how badly do you want it? Do you want it just ’cause someone else has it?

Or do you want it because it’s satisfying and fulfilling to you? Do you want it because you want to prove to yourself that you can depend on yourself, that you’re competent, that you’re reliable and dependable, that you can make your way through anything with or without anyone else? What is your reason that you want to commit to this?

Then you need to cultivate as if it already happened. So, if you already made the $10,000, if you already lost the 30 pounds, how would you be behaving? Because that is what you have to do. You have to behave as if it was already done, and that is becoming the person. You need to be in order to get those results and keep them, because if you don’t become the person, then you’re going to slip right back into the excuses and you’re going to lose what you attained.

So, you have to become the person who has already done it, who has already succeeded, who has already knows how to maintain it, and then cut away. Cut away the excuses, cut away the bullshit cut away the lies, cut away the old habits and behavior that are giving you the old results. And I like to say on the last one, get coaching.

Like you can’t trust and depend on yourself doing your own coaching because you can’t see the resistance like you keep fooling yourself. So, get someone that you trust. That could be an accountability partner, or it could be a peer, it could be a coach, it could be someone that you hire and make sure you have the documentation.

So, write it out and then say, look, I’ve done it. Can you help me problem solve this? But if you’re not willing to show what you’ve done, they should be challenging you. Are you doing what you’re committed to? Are you practicing discipline? Are you growing the muscle to become who you want to be? Are you growing the muscle, the habits, and the behavior of the person who has attained it and is maintaining it?

Because that’s the big question, is if we can’t become that person, instilling those habits and behavior the new way of thinking and being and doing, you’re not going to get the results, nor are you going to be able to keep the results. So, if you want help with this, you can come to the challenge. It’s going to be happening August, September, and October, and you could, if you missed the deadline this month, you can do it next month.

You can send an email to [email protected] if you’re interested. I am going to be working on breaking the habit of social media. I am so I. Drawn in and hooked on it, and I don’t like it. It’s actually getting in the way of a few things that I want to be doing, and I hate the way my nervous system is actually married to the phone.

It’s like a pull. And you’ll notice this is with so many people, right? You’re sitting in a conversation and it’s like, you just got to check it. It’s like smoking. I remember I was a smoker and it’s you want that nicotine, right? And so, it’s like you’d get up, go to the bathroom, make an excuse, go outside that you were like, the body was always trying to get that nicotine hit.

And now I. It’s doing it with social media, with cell phones, with any kind of drama or excitement. We just have a really hard time of just being calm and stable, and that is because we don’t really understand how to manage our mind. We don’t understand the way the most powerful organ in our body works, and that is our brain.

But once we have some awareness around all of this and we make a decision, and we follow through. Like we learn to depend and rely on ourselves and what we say we’re going to do. And it is not about this hairy bodacious big ass goal, guys. That’s not what I’m talking about. Like less social media time. That is not something that’s going to take a whole change in my life.

This is something that I’m going to have to do within myself. It doesn’t even affect other people the way it affects me. And the reason that I noticed it is my husband was never on his devices, but since he got an iPad and we have been connected to he watches, he listens to podcasts and YouTube things about hunting and all of this stuff.

It is always on. And that’s when I noticed it for myself. because he used to say that to me. He doesn’t say that to me anymore because he’s always on it. And I thought, this is the most disciplined person I know. And if he can get hooked, anybody can get hooked. It has a lot of control on a lot of us and. I don’t want to be controlled by a device.

I don’t want to be controlled by the drama of social media. I just don’t want to be controlled by likes and hearts and thumbs up and comments. I don’t want it. So, I’m making the change. It is not comfortable. I’m sweating it out and I’m growing the muscle of discipline where I am actually off. I’m doing a fast and I am having to deal with the discomfort of.

First of all, my mind saying I should check it and I’ve got this story. If I don’t check it, if I go too long, I can’t keep up with the messages and then I end up not following through. Like I won’t remember to answer a private message, or the comments just get lost. I’ve got a very busy social media account and if I don’t look at it every hour or two hours, it’s just too much and it’s overwhelming and I can’t keep up and I miss things.

So, what I’m actively doing is beginning to move things over to email. It’s a little harder to actually open up your email and send an email than it is to just comment and do something on social media. So that’s one of the things that I’m doing. I’ve also have a time that I turn it off and that I turned it back on, and that’s because I was getting caught in it and I was just like two hours down the road.

I was like still answering and commenting and responding and I’m like, I need to break this habit so, that’s part of the goal that I want to achieve in this challenge. And it’s also a consistent routine. So, I wake up at the same exact time. I do the same exact thing at the beginning of my day. And then of course I have a lot of things that kind of float in and out and I’m not so, it’s not every minute that’s regulated, but for sure the way I.

Enter into the new day is very regulated. So, I invite you to come and create a routine that’s going to help you get to your goals. But first, we’re going to set the goal. We’re going to understand the path, what it’s going to take, what the math is, and then the things that you need to be accountable to, the commitments you need to make, and the muscles that you need to grow in order to become the person who reaches those goals.

So, wish me luck and I travel a lot. I just got back from Miami and in two weeks I’m going to, I’m going to start traveling again. I’m going to Dallas. And then from Dallas, I’m back to Miami the same week, and then I’m going to Atlanta within 10 days later. And so, it’s really important to me that I have this routine no matter where I’m at, so that my body functions properly and that I’m at the top of the game in my business, that I have complete control of my mind, of my body, of my business, of my life.

So, there you have it. Have an amazing week and share this with a friend. Invite them to listen.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.