Ep #240: Mindbody Healing: Your Path to Freedom

Hey, guys, and welcome back to the show. This is Live with Kim and Monique, and we are talking about mind body healing, nervous system regulation. Somatics and the big question, why can’t I heal or why am I not healing? We talk to a lot of business owners, entrepreneurs, practitioners that keep bumping up against these physical issues. And what we do as Mind Body coaches addresses the root cause. But because it’s not quite popular yet, or it’s not as well known, we tend to answer a lot of the same questions. So I brought Monique on and she’s going to talk about her experience with clients and also the experience that through the mind body coaching, the piece that was missing for her, the piece that was missing for me, so that we can maybe help you better understand how to get to the state of wellness. Hi, Monique. You want to introduce yourself?

00:01:17 – Monique Derouen
Hey, Kim. Thanks for having me. I am Monique Derouen. I’m the mind body coach. And I went through years and years of chronic ailments and symptoms, and there was something missing and we finally figured it out. And I am so excited to share this with people now.

00:01:37 – Kim Guillory
So Monique Monique is one of the mentors in our membership, our coaching membership, where we address these issues. It is a membership that is for business owners, entrepreneurs, practitioners who are helping other people. And this is the place where they come and get help for themselves. So, Monique, could you share a little bit about the experience that your clients are having right before the breakthrough? What do you hear the most?

00:02:10 – Monique Derouen
What I hear the most with people that are right on the edge of it, it’s kind of like this build up is happening. So they’ve been struggling or suffering with something for a long time, and it kind of all hits them at once from all the areas. So they’re having physical symptoms, they’re exhausted. The body is responding in a way. And what I know is it’s sending them signals and messages and getting them ready for that breakthrough. But for them, it feels like overwhelming and they want to shut down and kind of stop even at that point in time. And that’s where it’s really critical that they truly get some support so that they can move through what the body is doing, so that they can feel better, so that they live better and do better in their realistic life out here in the world.

00:03:20 – Kim Guillory
Yeah, I hear you. I saw it in my clients also, and I see it in the membership. It is the point where they have all of the information, or a lot of the information, minus the integration and understanding. Is that what you’re saying? It’s right at the point where you’ve spent the time with them, you’ve given them the knowledge, you’ve helped them to kind of have a visual of what’s happening between the mind and the body. We talk about TMS, talk about mindset coaching, because I can see the part of they know. Like it reminds me of my mindset. Coach friends, they say they know that where it’s coming from, but the understanding is in the mind. It hasn’t dropped down to the body yet. And so the physical symptoms almost get louder and stronger. And I’m not sure if that’s because the hope, they come in with this hope at the beginning and then realize, oh man, this shit ain’t easy. I got to feel all that. Wait, I thought it was going to be all fun and comfortable. So I don’t know if it’s more that they don’t quite have the understanding and the integration or they expected it to be different. Which would you say?

00:04:46 – Monique Derouen
I would say it’s actually probably a little bit of both. It’s going to be layered in. And you’re right. Most of the people that we work with are smart, they’re intelligent, they logically know the information. They may even understand the root cause of it. And I think that might be a little bit of the problem because they’re so smart and they’re so into this work and they’re like, yeah, I know, I know where it’s coming from, I know the trigger. They know it. But it’s not a logical knowing. It’s an internal we call it visceral embodiment integration. It’s the part where the feelings in the body changes. And I think that we’ve been taught to turn off our feelings so much that it’s really uncomfortable when we begin to feel or we don’t even know what feelings are. We might understand sensations in our body, but to understand the emotion or the feeling itself and what it’s doing to the physical tissue, I believe is really hard for people to digest and really go with because it’s that part of our brain that wants to know the information. But the information is just information. So I think it’s kind of both. They come in, they’re like, I know all this stuff, so it shouldn’t take me long. They want a timeline. A lot of people want a timeline. What is it, like six weeks, a month, three months? They want us to give them a time. And I say, oh, I’m still healing because I’m becoming whole. I’m moving into wholeness. Which is kind of woohoo to say, but that’s actually what’s happening.

00:06:40 – Kim Guillory
I love what you just said about the knowing. And those who had trauma early on have really learned this pattern, this behavior, this pattern. And we do need to know to be safe. Nobody fucking me over again, right? It’s that tough exterior. And I want to say this, so whoever’s listening to it doesn’t feel insulted or called out. But we don’t like to be critiqued or we don’t like to be shown something that we don’t know. It pulls up this defense, and internally then we become that next person who hurt them by trying to help them. And it is so painful to be a part of and to be the client. I was the client, and I have been the practitioner a lot. And now you’re in that position, and I’m curious about what is the actual thought or belief at that time? I should be better already. I already know this. It’s not working for me. I’m different. There’s really something wrong. What do you think is.

00:08:01 – Monique Derouen
Well, I think that a lot of people really think, like you said, that it should be working faster. That because they know the information, they should be healed, they should be figuring it out. It’s almost like they think there’s like a prize at the end of the road they’re going to get when they do this thing. But it’s that practical daily thing that’s going on that eventually moves you into another space. And what you said about the knowing and stuff, we’ve kind of been talking about that back and forth. But for me, I was a client. I mean, I’m still a client. I was a member in this community. I went in as a client. I really wanted this work. I wanted to help myself and figure out all these things. And I remember when you asked me, are you willing to know something that you don’t know yet? Are you willing to know more than what you think you already know? And at that moment, my brain kind of dropped the defense because it was like, yeah, I’m super smart and I’ve done all these things and I have all this knowledge, but am I willing to know there’s something else out there that maybe I haven’t quite embodied or understood or got the information on? Because we sponge up all of these words and all of these things, but I don’t think that we always know what we’re saying or how to use them in the manner that will actually bring us to that next level or that next step in, for lack of a better word, this work or the healing.

00:09:32 – Kim Guillory
Yeah. Well, are you willing to let go of what you know, to know something else? It’s a very tricky position, and I do think it’s the resistance that the brain it’s just the natural mechanism that the brain puts up that we just don’t want to get hurt again. We don’t want to be put down however our perception is about it. So let’s talk about some of the best cases that have actually overcome it. Like you and I and some of our clients who really struggled with years of chronic pain and illness and disease, as in D-I-S-E-A-S-E disease, lack of ease in the body. For myself, it was a 20 something year journey. Like, thinking on you and absorbing information, I guess. And we have clients that the doctor said they were given this sentence of when this was going to happen, and I still hear that happening today with clients, but completely over this. And once you get it, you get it, you can’t unsee it. So do you want to talk about what you saw that you hadn’t seen or what you know, that you hadn’t known what was the thing for you? Because it’s different for all of us, by the way, guys, we just got to break through the resistance. And that’s why I think we’re so good as mind body coaches, because we have a very stubborn, protective brain. So we’ve had to master ourselves.

00:11:07 – Monique Derouen
Yeah, for me, it was really understanding that this does not come from the.

00:11:12 – Kim Guillory
Mind, because there’s so many other things.

00:11:19 – Monique Derouen
Going on out in the world that say, it’s in your head, it’s in your mind. Change your thoughts, change your mind, change your whatever, which, yes, I’m going to agree to that. But the soma is the body, and your soma remembers what your logical mind cannot. Your unconscious and your subconscious hold so much that we can’t even rationalize or remember anything. So it’s like your body speaks this one language and your brain is speaking this other language, and there’s no translator between the two. And so you’re believing that these sensations and these pain points are from something that they might not be coming from, and then trying to come in with the mind and change it from the mind, just the mind is really tricky. It didn’t work for me. It doesn’t work for my clients.

00:12:18 – Kim Guillory
Well, the mind wants to know, and so it wants the information, and then it paints this picture, but the picture is inaccurate, so it’s separate from the nervous system. And so our neurology, the accumulation of all of it and all of these pieces and parts, and they just haven’t integrated. And it’s because of the resistance and the rejection. Like, no, I’m going to reject that. I don’t want to have that. So the whole name of this is more than mindset, because mindset is important and there’s more, and then mindset works. So you have to have the foundation, wouldn’t you agree? We have to teach them the understanding of your mind, like your thoughts do create, but then you have to have the experience, and I don’t know if listen, nobody wants people to be more personally responsible than me and DIY it and come back to themselves and have autonomy. But in this case, because of the resistance and because of the mechanism and the disconnect, like you said, the lack of language between the mind and the body, it does take someone else, it does take a practitioner. And I think we just it’s it’s almost like a little kid who wants to tie their own shoes and say, I just do it myself. And we’re just like, why don’t you just get some help? You got the rest of your life to do it yourself. Just get some help.

00:13:52 – Monique Derouen
Yeah, it’s very true. It’s very true. And I can speak from my own experience. Again, with all the knowledge, with all the trainings, with all the certifications.

00:14:06 – Kim Guillory
I.

00:14:07 – Monique Derouen
Knew it from a mind standpoint, but I couldn’t see what was in my own way. I couldn’t see what we call that block or the defense, because to me, it was just how I responded and reacted through life to white knuckle, to survive, to get through. And so I’m sitting here and I’m pushing up against something because I don’t know how to surrender. I don’t know how to soften it, because that’s definitely not safe. I’m a fighter. I’m coming out with my boxing gloves on, which is great because the book is called The Punchline. So it’s like, it all fits in. But I had to surrender to all of these ways that I used to protect myself with, and I had to get really curious about how else can I do this and is this really safe, and can I trust you, and can I trust this work and can I trust this method? I had to be willing to, again, know that there was something else that I didn’t know yet, or that I didn’t know how to integrate, or I didn’t know how to use it in my favor.

00:15:21 – Kim Guillory
To be honest, I don’t even think we know what integration is. I didn’t know what it was until I started really understanding the emotional body and the unfelt perceptions hadn’t been experienced. I made that shit up. When I did it, I was like, oh, this is it. This is the thing. But I really didn’t know what it was other than the word that kept coming up is like, okay, so we bring in understanding energy, understanding beliefs, understanding thoughts. All of that together is a new entity, like a new identity. It was a new thing, and it’s still not a popular word. It definitely does not get SEO hits. We have to use other stuff. So I have a question for you. Did you think you were feeling?

00:16:10 – Monique Derouen
Oh, yeah, because I was mad. I knew what anger was, I knew what depression was. I knew what sadness was. And I knew how to numb myself from whatever I needed to numb myself from, with whatever I could numb myself with, anything. I was really good at that. And so I thought that when I felt anger or depression, that was the emotions that were there. I didn’t realize there’s, like, hundreds of emotions. And as I began to open up and I was trying to identify what they were, I was like, I don’t even know how to feel. Like, I don’t even know how to feel, like, energetic or cheerful or I don’t even know what those mean. It was like positive Polly on Facebook or something. I was like, well, that’s not what I want to know. I didn’t understand that.

00:17:06 – Kim Guillory
Yeah, I’ve learned, like, I’ve been calling myself Bitter Betty. I’m almost like a projector. Like, I’ve just been bitter about some things, and I was like, Go, look at you, bitter Betty. And I remember learning about indifferent. And indifferent is probably the most painful emotion for me. Indifferent is like not belonging and not understanding and not agreeing and not disagreeing. It’s just a very weird, surreal emotion, feeling indifferent and so really understanding that for our clients or whoever’s listening to this, that I’m curious if they know what they’re feeling or if they’re trying to fix a feeling. Because all of our clients 100% come in. We do this work, we do sessions, they have breakthrough. And now it’s time to get down to the basics, which is changing the habit and behavior. That’s where the work is. Everything we do up until that point is to get to the work, because that’s where the transformation is. And as soon as we get to that point after the breakthrough, they immediately resist the habits and behavior change, and that is the time to practice. Growing the filling muscle is through the commitment, through the discipline. Tell me. Talk. Yeah, open up on that one.

00:18:46 – Monique Derouen
I agree. It’s like, okay, I had the breakthrough. I’m done. I really think that’s what holds so many people back from long term again, healing ing, because they’re like, okay, I got this little hit, so, okay, I feel better now, and I’m just going to go back to my ways. They don’t understand that the ways is actually what created the imprint, the samscara, and the problem. And that that was actually just the catalyst that opened it up for them. They don’t understand that this is something that’s probably really old and they’ve forgotten about, and they’ve gone on with their lives. And I run into this so much with clients, they’re like, yeah, that was, like, 20 years ago. And I’m like, Right, but your body is still, like, gripping it for its life. I woke up this last week and I had realized I was clenching my jaw again. And I haven’t had jaw problems in years. But something was stirring around me, and it was bringing up some old stuff. And as soon as I had the awareness and I drew the boundaries and I started making the changes, I woke up this morning, it’s gone. It doesn’t exist anymore.

00:19:59 – Kim Guillory
We say this, and I think this is what’s expected. I had a rash right here down my face for the last two weeks, at least the last two weeks. I mean, it was rough, almost like an eczema. And I was on my way back from Dallas, and I was having the bitter Betty, all the emotions, all the disappointments, and good thing I had a five and a half hour drive to kind of just dump it. And I get home, I didn’t put moisturizer, I didn’t do anything different. And it was completely smooth, like a baby’s butt, like, just soft, just gone. And it was coming through that having all this new stuff that was coming up they wanted to express and then having the fear of being seen in that new identity, in that new way and with the metaphysical part, it fascinates me. But I do think it trips people up and it keeps them stuck because they want to know. The mind wants to know everything, and then that becomes the next crap show.

00:21:00 – Monique Derouen
Yeah, they think if they understand the metaphysics, then that’s it. That’s all they need to go. And I’m here to say it is so much more than that. So I’m grateful for a community that we can practice these new ways and this discipline. And I love the challenges and stuff that we have as a group to where we can kind of check in with each other and really move through those things and create those new patterns and then practice being that new version of ourself in a really safe space.

00:21:32 – Kim Guillory
Yeah, because it’s not safe when it’s just you and you haven’t been accepted amongst this, and you’re with people who are familiar with you and they’re like, you seem different. That’s it. It’s actually crazy because it’s such a habit and behavior to instantly go into hiding and not just stay open, stay present, stay, just stay. And that’s why emotional resilience and emotional maturity is so important. So once our clients present, and now they’re understanding where it’s coming from. So now we want to pivot the habit and behavior because we want to change the neural pathway. Right? That’s where we’re at right now in the conversation. And in order to do that, to interrupt the pattern, you have to feel there is no way to do it without feeling the discomfort. And that is the point where I see more people fall off because the mind is stuck in the understanding. Wanting to know, wanting to know. Wanting to know. Wanting to know 600 books later, right. Not changing the habit and behavior. And so we do things in the membership. Like right now, we’re doing a priority challenge. Monique does 30 Days of Jamming, where it is about habit and behavior. You have to prioritize and create a routine. And it’s the easiest thing ever, and it is the hardest thing for people to actually do. And it’s because you have to be able to feel because you’re not going to want to do it. Your brain is not going to want to do it. It’s lazy. It wants things to be done instantly, and it wants to be pleasurable the second it gets it. And so that’s what you’re up against. That’s what they’re up against. That’s what we’re up against. It’s not easy for us either. Right? And that’s where the victim mentality starts coming up. They become the victim of the discomfort and not realize that the discomfort is the answer. We have to learn how to feel uncomfortable. And the more we do it, the stronger that muscle is. So when you first start, the muscle is to check out. Right. You were pretty good at checking out and going into driver mode. Right. Just kind of bulldozing over it and just like get away from it. And so it was just stacking, stacking, stacking, stacking, like up into a mountain. And then as we’ve shaved all that off, now your discomfort, how is it different from your discomfort in the past, two years ago, three years ago?

00:24:21 – Monique Derouen
Oh, I’m really able to be honest now in a way that I wasn’t before, which is helpful. So I can have a difficult conversation. I can let things come up. I’m willing to cry in public and just wherever I’m at because I know what it’s like. If I don’t allow myself to feel that, if I push it down and I just hold my breath and white knuckle through, I will get sick. And I am not willing to sacrifice my physical body anymore because emotions make people uncomfortable. Like, I’m just not. And that’s from true. Just like, I don’t want to be sick again.

00:25:13 – Kim Guillory
Yeah.

00:25:14 – Monique Derouen
And I know that’s what created it.

00:25:18 – Kim Guillory
And look what it does to the relationship when you’re not being sovereign, when you’re not being honest, then one day you’re just like so resentful and so bitter and it’s like stacked up. And so when it’s no longer showing up in the body, it shows up in the relationships and then that becomes the next pain point.

00:25:40 – Monique Derouen
And I love what we’ve learned about that, like how pain shows up in so many areas. It’s not physical for everybody, but it is a mind body connection regardless. And so no matter where your pain or your hurt or your discomfort is at in your life, there is a path that can clear that up. But we haven’t been taught this stuff, and that’s the other thing. We’ve been taught to do things a certain way and for me, it’s just not correct. It’s not the correct way anymore. Right. It was for a long time where it was fine.

00:26:18 – Kim Guillory
Yeah. It was survival. It was great. Yeah. So relationships, employment, going to work, providing financial energy. It is an energy depleter.

00:26:40 – Monique Derouen
Yeah.

00:26:41 – Kim Guillory
And then it’s passed down and then you’re dealing with it coming out from the generations behind and in front, and before you know it, you’re a sandwich. So when you look back, you see, you remember. And then when you look forward, dang it, you start hearing the reflection of those around you who heard it from that is so painful. I find that so painful for myself. And I was like, I did this to my kids and now I hear my grandkids. Those were my beliefs. I did, I believed that.

00:27:17 – Monique Derouen
Yeah, I agree. I mean, I’ve witnessed the same thing and I’m like, oh, dang it. But they didn’t know any better. And I didn’t know any better, but now I do. And so now. I’m willing to have those hard conversations right now to change these things, to do it differently, because that old way does not serve me anymore. And why would I keep doing something that doesn’t feel good, that doesn’t serve me? That’s not going to move only because.

00:27:58 – Kim Guillory
We have a habit of settling, period. We have so much potential. It’s literally limitless.

00:28:09 – Monique Derouen
I agree.

00:28:10 – Kim Guillory
And if anyone is not living that potential, it is this mind body disconnect. I see it with people who just struggle to get out of bed, and I’m sad about that, that they waited that long and it’s at that point. But it’s also happening to people who have hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars because it is in the upper limit. It is in the breakpoints. Just like you have breakpoints in your business, you have breakpoints in the body when you get to the next level in your life and we can identify those. And so, guys, if you’re listening to this and you are doing something new and big in your business or hell, you’re just going with the flow of change that is new and big because we have people around us who are kind of fighting and resisting the changes. And as the owner and the entrepreneur, we kind of move through the changes, but no one is going untouched. Like, everything that is changing right now, whether you’re trying to just hold on to what you have or expand, that resistance is going to be in the body. It’s going to be in your relationships, it’s going to be in your bank account because that’s how it shows up. All right. Is there anything that we didn’t cover before we hop off? I’m looking at the time like I think we went over 30 guys, we address all of this stuff in self healing masters. Monique, I think you’re doing a little I don’t want to date this, so I don’t want to use what’s going on at this time. But you do periodic, like, small group six week things. I do small group six week things, so that way we taking tiny groups so you get a lot of attention prior to coming into the membership. So typically one of us always has something like that going on. But you have that coming up. Could you just talk a little bit about what is the pre work?

00:30:15 – Monique Derouen
Yeah, so I’m really going to be talking about the physical body transforming the trauma, a little bit of somatics just really the understanding behind what’s going on in your body. And that is going to prep you to come in and get this work on a deeper level. We found that this is what works best to really have a few weeks with someone that’s a little more intimate and to where we can really share this information. For lack of a better word. We’re just taking in information. But I can help you with the physical body and what’s going on before you come in, and then you’re better set up for success that way. After years of trial and error with this stuff, I think Kim and I both agree that this has been the best way to do so.

00:31:08 – Kim Guillory
Yeah, my clients with the most success already worked with me privately. And then I was like, we need a place to continue the work because life keeps changing and happening. So we came up with the membership, but when we tried to bring coal people into the membership, it has not worked. So being in a small, intimate group at the start point where you can get foundation, then come into the membership, where we do at least two weekly calls, coaching calls, and then you have actual support in the group, and you have modules and videos that you can go and listen to. You have access to the replays. And then once you’re in the membership and you’re getting more comfortable and the big stuff starts to come up because it takes time to prime and prep, then we have one on one discounted, one on one coach packages in the end. So as a member, you get like 40% off of private coaching. So that’s the way we have set up self healing masters. If you’re dealing with any of this, just know whoever is sending you to this video. If you know anyone, any of us who are presenting, just send an email or a direct message. You can always email support at Kim geary. If you just happen to find this by chance and ask what’s happening right now, who’s doing the intro right now? I’m doing one. It’s already started. Monique has one coming. Caitlin has one coming. So there’s always an opportunity to drop in to whoever is doing that at the time, I agree. We have figured out what has not worked, and it’s because it’s so clear to us, it’s so obvious. But we are miscalculating. Miscalculating. And then once you get into a big group, it’s harder because there’s so much going on in there. And what you really need is not to come into any of that and just be with us for six weeks.

00:33:08 – Monique Derouen
Yeah, it’s so much more personal to really just have that little bit of time together, to kind of dive into things in a different manner and get.

00:33:21 – Kim Guillory
The foundation and listen. These are just fundamentals of mind body healing, and it’s always expanding because it shows up in different ways in every person’s life. And so you getting to see it happen in someone else’s life is so beneficial. We don’t want to be alone. I think that’s the biggest thing is we think we’re different. Our mind is always trying to find, what’s wrong with me. And when you get into a group of other people who are actually overcoming this stuff, you can celebrate together, but you can also learn from each other. I think.

00:34:00 – Monique Derouen
That’s a great point, because so often people will say, I completely relate to that. Thank you so much for talking about that. They’re excited because somebody else is going through something really similar and they’re getting support together. And I think that’s something that a lot of us have never experienced before, support in a community of like minded people that are wanting something more. I didn’t know how much I craved that until I was in there and I was like, oh, this is gold to just have that community support.

00:34:44 – Kim Guillory
All right, well, that’s what we got for you this week. Feel free to comment below. Ask any questions. Share this with friends, family friends, if you know anyone who is interested in mind, body work or interested in checking out the community. We also have a free Facebook group called More Than Mindset Podcast and Community and otherwise you’ll be hearing you’ll continue to hear from myself and the mentors in the group. Because we really want people to understand that in order to eliminate or reduce suffering, which I do believe is possible, have to feel. We have to learn how to feel. We have to get better at feeling. Because when you willing to feel anything, you can have everything.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.