Ep #19: Navigating Our Integration

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Well hello my high-minded friends. I am so excited to be back here and have a little chat with you again today. By the time you get this, I should be back from New Mexico, Sedona, and California. So prepare for whatever new stuff is going to come through while I’m there.

So to start the show today, I want to do one of the $100 massage gift certificate giveaways. This is for anyone by the way. We still have one more to give away after this one, and I’m going to read the review that I received.

She says, “Every time I listen to Kim’s podcast, coaching sessions, life experiences and et cetera, I am motivated and inspired to be the best person I can be. I am like a sponge soaking it all in and blossoming into a better person each day by learning from Kim’s stories and teachings. I feel empowered and I love myself more. I am forever grateful. Highly recommend it to all friends and family.”

So fun. This comes from Jamie Bro. So Jamie, when you hear your name, reach out to me. Find your desired place where you want to go to the spa or your massage therapist location so that you can take some time out for yourself, especially the work that we’ve been talking about here, the importance of the nervous system, of relaxation, the importance of turning off the fight or flight and really coming into that space of holding presence for yourself.

That space of healing, of letting go, so that this work can reach you on all levels, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. Where it can touch you on all levels. So we have to process this out of our physical body also. This is where yoga and meditation is so important as well as finding a practitioner who’s on the journey with you, who understands the mind-body connection. Super important.

Those out there who are listening, make sure and follow along. Give us a rating and review. Subscribe to the podcast. Share with your family and friends. It really helps us to get this information out to more people and our show is actually reachable on iTunes. So it is highly dependent on having ratings and reviews so that we can stay in the ratings.

Alright, so let’s get started with this week. I’ve been talking about the first three steps of the process. We’ve gone pretty deep in the getting really present, becoming aware, notice what you notice. Notice the sensations. Begin to tell the difference between how a thought creates the feeling and how the feeling is just a vibration, a sensation in your body.

And then the nervous system kind of comes in and grabs hold of that and goes into that fight or flight and freezes, and that is when we kind of get stuck and we go into this shame and this defense and that’s a place that I was stuck at for such a long time until I understood how it worked.

So it’s something I want to spend a lot of time on and plant a great foundation for being able to go back and forth and listen to it and don’t be afraid to go back and listen to it again and listen to it again because each time, our perception changes. Our understanding changes.

I will go back and listen to my master teachers and coaches and I get something different every time I re-read the book or listen to their series or whatever it is that I’m engaged in, whatever workshop I’m doing with them. So it’s important to recognize that it’s like the layers of an onion. It just keeps getting deeper and deeper. It’s the same work. It’s beautiful, amazing work.

But the more we stick with it, the more we’re willing to feel it, and the more present we are and aware to what’s happening and getting into the anatomy of what happens when we’re in this old trauma, old story, fear, nervousness, scarcity, anxiety, the things that are physically happening in the body, understanding that it’s happening on so many levels. It’s not as easy as just oh yeah, I’m not going to feel that anymore, it’s over, it’s done, I’m just going to think something nice. I love everyone, everything is great and beautiful.

Doesn’t work that way, guy. Does not work that way. So what we’re going to talk about this week is how to navigate. So first we did presence and awareness, and then we did unveil, and that’s the part about is this true, am I certain this is true? What if I didn’t have this thought? What if this is just an old belief, just a thought that I’ve been taught to think or just something that’s familiar and I didn’t even notice that it was a habit.

So that’s the unveiling part. And then what we want to do is once we’ve unveiled it, it’s like we have this big hole, this emptiness, and we want to be careful what we’re filling it up with. So we don’t want to just pull the old roots out and then just leave a big hole right there because you might trip and fall. You never know what’s going to go in there. Might get filled with rainwater, maybe things are just going to start growing back.

You’ll notice if there’s still old roots there, you’ll start sprouting new sprouts from the old root. So we want to be very meticulous and careful about what we put in the empty place, what we fill ourselves up. Listening like, to this podcast, to the books. Hopefully you’re following along in the Integrative Life group and actually participating and getting feedback and support as you move through this work.

You know, maybe you’ve been coming to retreats or whatever. Just keep the momentum going in the growth process. Being careful not to just get kind of mopey when it feels kind of creepy and fall into that old habit, the way things used to be. Because when you change, your friends change. You tribe change. The things that you like, your whole environment, your social life changes, your family starts looking at you like you’re weird.

It’s like yeah, now what? And because most of us are already into personal development and self-growth, we’ve brought lots of stuff in over the years. So their question is probably what now? What are you doing now? What do you want to know? And that’s just because we’re on this awakening process and just let them think what they think. They’re 100% entitled to their own thoughts and to have their own opinions.

It doesn’t mean anything about you unless you make it out to mean something about you. It actually means nothing at all. It’s just a mirror of their story, of their reflection. Maybe it’s fear and they’re kind of freaking out because you’re going to be different and maybe they see the relationship is changing, or they sense that something big is shifting and it is bringing on some fear. And so they’re just responding, reacting to that fear within themselves.

And so maybe just opening up that channel for communication, for gentleness, for understanding, and drop any judgment or comparison or thinking that – getting defensive and like, well you need to come and learn what I’m learning or do what I’m doing. Drop all of that and trust that everyone finds their path and way exactly when they need to.

And sometimes, we take big steps and we’re on top of the mountain and we go rolling down on the other side and end up down at the bottom again. You know, I tell the coaches, I was like listen, we’re all going to cross the finish line, but you never know. Sometimes the one who starts off the fastest is the one who stops midway or right before the finish line, and they have to stop and rest there. It depends on what comes up in us.

And sometimes the one who takes it really slow and steady ends up being the first one. So there really is no competition and there is no arrival. So when I say finish line, I mean it in the way of perception and understanding on that level, and it’s just our human nature. We’re always going to want more. We’re always going to want some sort of improvement or action or it’s just how we’re created. There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s no judgment about it.

So presence, awareness, unveil, navigate. So let’s talk about how do we do this. So you’re maybe in a different circle of friends, maybe you have different interests than the tribe you’ve been hanging with and there’s no one in your area who you are relating to. And you might feel kind of lonely, and maybe most of your time is spent researching and reading and trying to connect with other people outside.

So I want to encourage you that if you don’t have a judgment about being disconnected and being different and being away from, you’re probably not going to experience this on a deep level. For me, it was my story. I was so afraid of rejection and abandonment that I believed that I was not supported, that I was not connected, that I was not a part of, and because I believed that is why I kept proving it to be true.

Our mind is very suggestible so when we believe something, when we think something, our brain’s like yes, yes, I’ll go find the proof for you. Like here, and it brings back a basket full of goodies for you with all the proof you’ve ever imagined possible about how everyone is doing all of this stuff to you and this should be your first hint. Any time anyone is doing anything to you and it’s someone else’s fault, you got to navigate.

Any time you say he, she, they, them, when they do that, any time you say that, you have to be willing to turn it around and ask where am I not seeing that for myself? Where am I not doing that for myself? That is the navigating process. It’s an interruption where you question the mind, where you question the brain and dive into truth, to perception, to factuality.

Like you want to get really neutral with all of your emotions and once you recognize that everything’s happening for you, even broken, severed relationships, even testing times, even stuff breaking, things going wrong, they are what you call wrong people dying, all of that stuff is really just life happening. What we make of it is what causes our suffering.

So when you’re feeling that void, that difference, that disconnection, just know that the actual connection you’re looking for is within yourself. So just take your breath back into your body, drop back down, like go all the way down beneath the ribs, go into your belly, go into your root chakra, take it all the way down, get really centered and grounded. Close your eyes, soften your jaw, relax your shoulders, and just take a few breaths there.

The breath is the anchor always, always, always. When you’re not sure what’s happening, when you’ve just gotten some crazy news and you’re not sure how to respond or react, or when you feel rage coming up in your body, or when you feel sadness coming on, just always stop and go to the breath and ask the breath to take you to the answer. Ask the breath to take you home within yourself, where grace lives.

Always, always, always have grace. Always. As long as you’re in present moment. But if you’re in the past and you’re thinking about what happened before, what happened the other time, the last time this went on, the last time they did that, that’s your suffering. You’re going to cause more suffering to yourself.

So I ask you to let that go, to forgive, to get them off the hook. Take your breath, come back to yourself. Same thing with the other direction. If you are predicting well, if I spend this I won’t have that, if I do this, I won’t have that, there’s never enough, there’s never enough, I can’t figure it out. Just know that you’re causing anxiety and stress about the future. Take it back to this moment. Get present, get neutral.

This is kind of like the multidimensional world that I was talking about last time is like, we have presence. That is our 3D, 4D. This dimension where you can actually feel and smell and touch and hear and experience. And then you have the mystical world, the spiritual world, the soul-aligned world, that part where it’s just all grace and ease and flow, and that’s what I want to invite you to more of.

But we’re just building the bridge right now. But what you don’t want to do is go all the way back to where it’s all about the thought, the feel, the sea, they’re doing this, they’re doing that, this is how it’s always been. That’s all going to take you down into the valley. So you want to keep your thoughts super clean. You want to keep your environment clean. You want to keep your relationships clean. You want to keep communication open.

You don’t want to assume. You don’t want to take anything personal. You want to ask questions. Like, if somebody goes somewhere and doesn’t invite you, instead of taking it all personal, just ask. Or you can just say. I used to go with you, I was disappointed when you didn’t call. People are willing to have a conversation about it to keep the communication open, to keep the relationship going.

And it’s okay if relationships change. It’s okay if time in between them grows. It’s perfectly fine. Can you get to the place where you’re just trusting life and you’re loving because of just who you are? Because you are loved and you want to experience at the highest expression of yourself, which is just unconditional love. Doesn’t matter what they do or say. Doesn’t matter where they go, doesn’t matter how fast or slow they grow. Nothing matters except for love, and you can ask yourself the question like, what would love do in this moment? What would love do? If I were to ask.

And these dimensions are all going on right now. We just don’t tap into them. But the more we’re learning about science and meditation and we have these amazing teachers, leaders, doctors, masters who are doing this work and have all the scientific proof, we have all this cutting edge equipment that’s been proving this. It’s so mind-blowing that that is why it’s suggested to do yoga, to do meditation, cranial sacral, Thai yoga, to get into the energy centers and really come to that place of love, peace, joy, freedom, compassion, spiritual wisdom. That is the mystical, magical world.

It’s not scary. It’s not woo-woo. It’s actually your birthright. It is tapping into your soul essence of who you are inside of your body suit and outside of your body suit. If you were looking at other individuals from that place of oneness and wholeness, you would see that the only thing separating us is a body suit and a personality.

So we are expressions of one divine source. We are expressions of god. I love the woo-woo, mystical world. I’m really enjoying this platform to be able to have that conversation. It feels really safe. I’ve spent a lot of years worrying about how it comes across, and then I realize that was my own fear, that was my own worry.

And you know, our minds are highly suggestible. And I was told that it was bad or it was wicked or it was scary and you need to be careful about those people and you shouldn’t meditate and you shouldn’t go there, and that’s sinful and that’s – and I’m like, didn’t feel right, it didn’t sit right and my option was death. I swear to you. I’d have pulled the trigger.

I was like, just so depressed. I was struggling, I was caught in this trap of misery and I just couldn’t figure it out and there was so much emotional trauma, mental separation, and this emotional manipulation. You act a certain way so that you can – even in business, you have to offer a certain thing for clients to keep coming, you have to over-give and overdo and people-please and you’ve got to say the right things, you’ve got to go to the right places. You can’t do this, you can’t do that. Everything was so conditional and so painful.

And I promise you, if you’re willing to do this work and you’re willing to get present and you’re willing to tap into grace and bring those things into the new space that you’re creating, into the new accessibility within your own system, within your own perception, your own life, that you fill it with love, peace, joy, freedom, compassion, spiritual wisdom, you fill it with those things, then you will be satisfied, fulfilled, and whole within yourself.

You won’t depend on other people to give you something that you already are. You just have to claim what you already are. We get mixed up with these parts that we play. Where our personality comes from and we get attached to other people, into this role-playing. And it’s a beautiful thing because we have so much to learn from that. This is what relationships are all about is us showing us each other.

But what happens when we’re in 3D, 100% human form, they, them, he, she is doing to me. And that’s the part that nothing really changes except for the perception and the understanding, the awareness and the awakening to see. If you struggle with really being stuck in scarcity and fear and doubt and this sinfulness or this is woo-woo or this is not good but I’m totally miserable and I don’t know what to do, I’m stuck between two rocks and I just keep banging my head, you may consider hypnotherapy.

You know, it’s that – again, is not like quacking like a duck or this stuff that you see on TV. Hypnotherapy is just a deepened presence and awareness without the defense. It’s a highly focused attention, relaxation and it’s like the back door. So what happens is when you’re in this really relaxed state and you’re able to receive information, you’re able to articulate it in a way that’s not defensive, that you don’t have a wall and then you can hear and you can feel and you can tap into the calm nature, the emotions, without the stress, the anxiety, and the trauma being triggered.

It’s this total control of the self. You have total control of yourself. You’re just in a really relaxed state. What’s happening is when you’re on defense, you’re not in total control of yourself. Your emotions are in total control. Your emotions are triggering and then your mental capacity is frozen and it just gets all mixed up like a ball of yarn just all knotted together. And so that would be another thing. Tapping EFT, emotional freedom technique is amazing. Same exact thing as hypnotherapy, as meditation, cranial, psychosomatics. These are all to release and process and integrate emotions.

This is what the Integrative Life is all about. We want to integrate all parts of ourselves that have been left behind. The parts that have been abandoned, that have been slapped round, that have been rejected, that have been neglected. You know, in my trauma training, that was a big thing that really stuck out to me is you don’t have to really be beat around and pushed around and abused sexually or physically in order for it to be trauma.

That actually, neglect and rejection are more powerful and that actually inflicts more trauma than the physical sensations. It’s crazy, and this is how the brain is wired because that’s all it knew. And so you were hypnotized according to your upbringing, according to your environment, the things that happened and how you perceive them as a baby, as an infant, as a toddler.

So it doesn’t mean that trauma is someone slapping you beside the head and throwing you across the room and telling you you’re a piece of trash, but actually just not giving you what you needed. Just not nurturing, just not giving you that space to feel safe and to be held and to be nourished and loved and to be accepted and to be wanted. And so the nervous system has adapted to that and that’s what keeps coming up in this trauma triggers.

So breaking bad habits, overcoming addictions, getting to the root causes, recalling the reasons why we create the defenses in the first place, the contracts that we sign, the agreements that we make, spiritually, emotionally, physically, all of that stuff, that is what we do when we are in these state of traumas or this abuse or neglect or rejection moments. We make these unconscious agreements.

I remember specifically I was standing in the middle room. My brother was giving my dad hell as he always did, and I remember standing there and consciously, I did some work around this and I went back into the moment, I remembered it, I felt it in my body, and I made the decision in that moment that I would never make trouble. I would never do that to anyone ever. I suffered so much feeling terrible for my dad and I felt it in my body. I felt it in my stomach and I created a contract, a story, an agreement around it so that no one would ever feel that way because of me.

And you know, it’s just what we do. You can probably recall yourself trying out for the basketball team or not getting picked on the baseball team and you made this agreement standing right there on the field like I will never put myself out there again, I will never try again, I never want to feel this way again. Maybe it was the first time someone broke your heart and you’re like, I will never love again, I will never trust him or her again. Never.

And those contracts, we can get into that in the subconscious because that’s where they were created. You didn’t say that out loud. You said that subconsciously, and what you don’t realize is that that story is still running and it’s basically like a toddler running your life because it’s the reason there’s so much doubt and fear and scarcity and worry and people don’t want to put themselves out there and they don’t want to take risks. They don’t want to play big.

And let me tell you something. I want to talk about this because my job here, my purpose is to awaken and empower so that we can help humanity shift. And so I see way too many wellness leaders, fitness trainers, yoga teachers, psychotherapists, hypnotherapists, I see way too many health and wellness practitioners who are living these stories and they should be on the frontline instead of sitting on the sidelines and I want to help get them on the frontline, and this is the work, the boot camp to get them ready. To get them ready for the frontline.

They’ve got to do their own work first, otherwise they’re going to be constantly triggered and they’re going to be trying to fix people, and that is what a healer does. We have pain within our self that we have to mend, that we have to bring back to wholeness. And what we do is we project and reflect it and then we see it in the world, we try to fix it in other people, and that’s how we become people-pleasers and codependent, and I want to change that.

I want to change that in the health and wellness industry and I want to have a conversation about this so we can get people serving from a place of wholeness where they are not needy, where they’re not desperate, where they’re not frustrated, where they’re not wearing themselves out and overworking and doing stuff they don’t want to do and not being able to charge and feeling guilty and feeling shame and all that other stuff.

I’m so passionate about this. I really want to help create more leaders. We need it. 30% of our youth is disconnected. They have no job, they’re not at school, they’re not being trained and loved and nourished and guys, this is our future. This is our future. If we don’t do something about it – you know, I was talking to a friend the other day and she was like, you know, we really can’t make changes from the electric chair. We have to make changes from the high chair.

And I’m like yes, we need more parenting skills and we need more coping skills, emotional intelligence and processing. We’ve got to talk about these things that we never learned about. It’s time. It’s time. We’re seeing suicide is like crazy, off the charts. Opioid addiction, crazy, off the charts. Alcoholism. People are running from their emotions and they’re going to these addictions or they’re bailing out because they don’t want to feel it because they don’t know what to do with it.

Well, here it is. This is what we do with it. You could manage pain, illness, depression. It is available. The help is available. Think well, act well, feel well, be well. You know, it’s like mental illness, it’s unhealed body trauma response. That’s what mental illness is. Listen, it goes so much deeper than a prescription bottle to fix this. We got to learn how to feel. We’ve got to learn how to process, how to integrate.

It’s truly not as scary, painful as it sounds. Once you have someone there with you and supporting you and loving you and holding the space and this is something I would ask you. Who has ever done that for you? Who has allowed you just to drop everything and just be held? Not try to fix you, not try to change the story, not tell you what to do, not give you advice but just listen?

You know, the world we serve in right now is – especially what’s happening, what I’ve seen in healthcare, in mental health is – I had a client who went to her counseling appointment and she was having a hard time and they asked if she was suicidal and she said no, I wouldn’t do that because I want to make sure that I get there to see my mom and my husband. They turned it around and said that it was suggestible that she would, and she was like, locked up against her will.

This is happening. This just happened last year. This is true stories. People are being locked up and because of talking about how they feel, that it’s just not safe. And the number one thing we need as human beings, we need to feel safe. We need to feel love, we need to feel connected. We need to feel like we belong. We need to feel like we’re heard. We need to be seen.

We need human connection. We need other people, we need community. These are just our human needs. Yes, we need water, we need food, we need sunlight. But we need other things too, mental and emotional wellness is huge. Alright guys, enough of this. So just start to use those new thoughts as you’re navigating through here. It’s that’s not me, I am safe. I have a worksheet that’s attached to this so you can go and get that online and I’ll talk more about it next week.

Alright, looking forward to maybe getting some feedback from you guys on those worksheets. So fill it out, do it at least five or six times a day every single day and start training your mind more about how to navigate and how to create these interruption patterns so that you can begin to think differently and create different neural pathways. More on this next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.