When we are in the middle of need greed, we have a scarcity mentality. We feel as though we don’t have enough time, resources, or finances to get to where we want to be. It influences us to make decisions from a negative place inside of us.
My guest today is Susy Porter, an integrative life coach with a miracle-minded approach to healing. She helps people reset their lives through memoir, memory, and intuition, especially when it comes to childhood trauma. Today, she’s helping me unpack need greed from the experience of having wounds that are hurting and influencing her in the wrong directions.
The truth is that it is a challenge to come out of need greed. Discover how need greed might be showing up in your life and our take on processing it and coming out of it. There is so much joy that comes with personal awareness and healing, and we hope this episode helps you get there.
Join me in Self Healing Masters, a program to heal your health, wealth, and relationships. Enrollment gets you lifetime access to my integrated healing approach so you can finally live your life’s purpose and help others. I can’t wait to see you there!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- What need greed is.
- Why it is difficult to recognize the results of need greed in the midst of it.
- How to come out of need greed and a scarcity mentality.
- Why old wounds that haven’t healed are often the cause of poor decision-making.
- How the brain defends its ideas and thoughts.
- A new way to view suffering.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Join me in the More Than Mindset Facebook group!
- Check out my new YouTube channel!
- Follow me on Instagram!
- Follow me on Clubhouse @kimguillory and click the bell to get notified of upcoming classes! You can ask for an invite in the More Than Mindset Facebook group.
- The PUNCH-LINE Approach by Kim Guillory
- Susy Porter: Facebook | Instagram
- Ep #117: Success Shame with Monique Derouen
- Ep #116: Human Design with Danielle Rodenroth
- The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks
- Eckhart Tolle
- Abraham Hicks
- Ram Dass
Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence Coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.
Hey there, and welcome back to the show. My name is Kim Guillory and my guest is Susy Porter. We are talking about need greed. This is something that Susy and I have both experienced, myself in several areas. And in the work that Susy and I have done together we’ve brought up this concept, that’s kind of how it was born.
And so we even looked up what is greed. Because it’s like, you know, need greed, we’re actually not coming from a negative space. We’re coming from a compassionate space, and exactly what’s going on behind the scenes in the unconscious when we feel like we need to know. Like you need to give me that, you need to tell me, I need to know now.
And this is very common in the coaching industry, that we hire mentors and coaches, business coaches, to tell us how to be successful. How to grow our business. How to serve clients. And it can sometimes get out of balance. So yes, there is the, this is what I’m investing in and this is what I’m expecting to get. And then there’s the, I’m going to say this not to be insulting, but there’s this needy creepy need, like I got to go dig, I got to go find. It’s this like sense of desperation and it’s coming from the nervous system.
And so we wanted to expose it, talk about it, maybe have some education around it. And I want to let Susy express what her experience has been. And I’ll tell you a little bit about how it’s been for me and even in the work we did together and how it came up. Because I think this is going to serve the audience, you know, that’s listening. So with no further ado, welcome Susy.
Susy: Thank you, Kim. Hi, everyone. I’m Susy Porter and I am an integrative life coach, miracle minded coach, who helps people rewrite their life through memoir, mindset, and love and intuition, compassion.
Kim: Yeah, when I first brought this up and asked you to do the show and you were like, “Okay, but I’m going to be honest, I’m just going to tell all.” And I’m like, “Good, that’s what we want.”
When we did the Believing Better series, it was the same thing, you were not in a great space, you know? I think it would be out of integrity for me to only want to bring on people who are glowing and joyous and, you know, we’re only talking about like the end game. And I think it’s a little deceptive and there’s a lot of that in the influencer role, you know?
And I see it very often that they’re taken to stage and they’re giving you all the success stories. And they’re like implanting this idea in your mind that this is what it’s going to look like. And not even taking into consideration what is coming to the table. What are we bringing with us? Like each one of these clients are coming with a different story, a different dialogue, a different unconscious story that’s happening within us.
So when I first brought the topic up and you said that, I’m just curious about what you were thinking. Like what would you like to share with the audience about what we’re calling need greed, but it’s actually just I need to know?
Susy: Well, I just have to start with compassion. And I think, yes, in the coaching industry and there’s so much online about manifesting. Manifesting, manifesting, money, relationship, health. And the piece that I think I was missing was that I wanted to manifest what I saw other people manifesting, seemingly to me easily. That they were manifesting faster and easier than I was. What was wrong? I kept beating, I was using their success to beat the hell out of myself.
And so there is such value and worth in doing the inner work on who you are. Once I become the person, I think manifesting will just be a natural outgrowth of who I am. And if I’m not “manifesting” whatever it is, I’m not ready yet because I’m not the person who’s able to receive it.
So I think our culture, especially our American capitalist success results-oriented culture, is very much as into being rich, skinny, successful. We don’t value the unseen deeper work. Especially for somebody my age it’s like, there’s another reason to feel bad about myself. I’m at this stage in my life, I should have already figured this out. And some of us are dealing with a lot of shit, wounds, pain, subconscious programming.
So to trust that as you do the work, whatever it is with your life coach or your therapist. Whatever work you’re doing, that you are making progress and to love yourself through it and don’t compare yourself to other people. That was the most painful thing for me, is comparing myself to other people.
Kim: I agree, from my experience also. And we talked about this on last week’s episode that the podcast that we were talking about success shame. And then there was like a shame in beating myself up about feeling jealousy and envy. So it wasn’t enough, you know, but it was like, “Oh, let me make myself wrong for it.”
And I think that’s what this whole entire podcast and organization that we are creating here is about. It’s demystifying humanity and like stepping into like all of the things that are human, all of it. Like we’ve been taught to deny it. If it’s not pretty, you know, our if it’s going to offend someone, or if it’s not going to look perfect up there, like we should put all that aside. And no, it’s who we are as a species.
Susy: Absolutely, if every child and teenager, young person was taught to value and to experience their feelings rather than suppress them, I think, you know, I was the great spiritual bypasser. I’ve always been religious, spiritual, deep. If there was a workshop, a teacher, I was there front row taking notes, you know. So it wasn’t that I wasn’t trying, but when I started my work with you, it was all within me. And it was like, “Whoa.”
So you know, to not judge your insides by other people’s outsides. I mean, the work that you’re doing, if you’re hurting or angry or you have issues, I just want to honor and respect everyone for anything they would do to heal. And that does take time, for some of us longer than others. And it’s not a race. It’s the human race, but it’s not a race.
And even if you get there and make $500,000, you’re still just a person, you know, everybody has their stuff. You still love and value yourself and to not beat yourself up and to, yeah, don’t compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to yourself.
I’ve made huge progress, you know, in a lot of ways. And it’s not been easy. And just to value that and to not put myself down that I haven’t achieved other things that other people have. It’s irrelevant to who I am and my worth and value.
Kim: But we can give credit to society and how we’ve been taught to judge and to put people on pedestals or, you know, “Oh, they’re better than because they’ve already made that, or they’ve already done that. And so we should listen to them.” And that’s where a lot of this comes from.
Because you’ll see the coaches in the industry talking about the result. They’re selling the result of their clients, right? They’re selling this picture of what it can be like for you too. You and I had this conversation about this with even the coaching, but they’re not putting the other thousands of clients who have come through their program on the podcast, right? Or on the stage, they’re not promoting the others. They’re only promoting the ones and lifting it up.
And Danielle and I have talked about this several times where she’s like, “There’s a lot of influential talk that’s selling the result but not the how.” And that is what I think is different in this actual integrative coaching and process and even in Self Healing Masters is, “No, this is the how. Like I’m here to hold your hand literally, be on the screen hold the space, as this stuff moves through you, even this need to know.”
And for you, you mentioned something just now and this came up several times in our coaching, and it was the need now because of the age. It was the urgency, where it was like the need for more time, right? Or the need to know faster because I have less time because I’ve wasted so much time, or whatever that story was, which creates pressure.
Susy: Yes. And also I had a whole nother negative narrative about needing to support myself financially now because of that whole story of being dependent on my husband financially. And that was a whole thing I had to work through and heal. There was a desperate anxiety that I need to be independent now.
Kim: It was a few years ago and I was in the same, I told you that whenever we were doing our work together. I was like I found myself there too. And I needed to prove to myself that I could make the money so that I could go out and take care of myself and be empowered and not need to depend on someone else.
And I remember saying once I clear $50,000. So not just once I make 50,000 but once I have 50,000 in my account, and I remember having the 50,000 I took the screenshot, I was getting coaching at the time. And I was like, “Yeah, still not safe.” So I was like, “I need to make 100,000.” Like not make 100,000, I need to have 100,000 in cash, so then I’ll know I have arrived in safety and that I can do it.
And I’ll never forget, it was 100,008, it was $100,008. And I screenshot that, and I was like, “Dang it, it’s still not here.” It really isn’t in the circumstances, it’s within us, The wanting to belong, or the need to belong, the need to be seen, the need to be heard, that all of the needs are actually within us, they’re actually attainable. But you said this earlier, we’re not yet ready to receive.
And we talked about this recently with the hot potato. You know, it’s like to be able to be fully received as all that you are, it’s very humbling. It’s very uncomfortable.
Susy: And if you have decades of an unconscious belief, and just because you get conscious of it doesn’t mean it’s all of a sudden healed. So I had that unconscious belief that, you know, I wasn’t worthy. I wasn’t at the cool kid’s table. I was a victim who didn’t get her needs met. That showed up in my relationship with you and in the group. And so even if you are offering me all the magic formulas and everything, something in me couldn’t receive it.
Even if I would have won the lottery. I mean, I can’t overestimate how important and powerful that belief is. So me becoming the person who can receive it is the most, and for all of us, that’s the most important thing is being the person who can receive.
So I still needed to heal so much in my marriage and in my life before I could go on. It’s almost like maybe I didn’t even want to be successful yet because I felt like, you know, I had to heal emotionally first and then believe in myself. I have a lot of integrity and I can’t, you know, be successful in one realm while I’m a hot mess at home, losing my shit and losing my temper and being psycho wife. You know, there was a lot I needed to work through and heal.
Just being the person and loving yourself every step of the way. It was hard to do that when other people were like doing more than I was in my estimation, you know? It was hard.
Kim: Yeah, and so it’s almost like I need to make and do what they’re doing so that I can be safe, so I can belong, so I’ll know I arrived, so I know I’m doing it right, so I know I’m worthy.
Susy: Yeah. Why are they any, they’re not smarter than me, you know, all that stuff.
Kim: Oh, believe me, I remember in my own, like, I remember thinking this, this is what got me off my butt. I had been doing this coaching thing for several years. And I’m in this community where they have no idea what coaching is, right? And this is probably for all of us, well not in LA, you got a life coach in every corner. But, you know, out here down south, you know.
Matter of fact there is a Facebook post that was put up last week questioning the integrity of life coaches, and they’re coming a dime a dozen and, you know, it’s like every time I turn around, there’s another life coach here. Well, I’m the trainer that’s training all these people, right? So it’s like it was pretty obvious. And I was like, that’s fascinating. Actually, it’s so interesting.
But that’s exactly what I was afraid of eight years ago. It didn’t hit me that way this time. I was just like, “Oh, isn’t this interesting that that’s out in the air, but it’s not triggering me.” I thought that kind of felt like a win, you know, that felt like success.
And so when I was, like I remember I would do these consultations and I’m trying to tell them about coaching and they’re wanting to buy essential oils. They’re wanting to buy, you know, a pedicure. And I’m like, “No, like let’s do the internal work and then, you know, that’ll be just for fun.” And through that afraid to go online. Someone younger than me who was pretty new to self-help put herself out there and started, you know, like saying I do this and I do that. And I’m like, son of a gun, like how long am I going to –
Kind of what you were feeling, right? At my age and I’m still not doing the thing that I said. I’ve been doing this for 35, 40 years, I’ve done been to the Guru’s, I’ve read the books, I’ve done the course in miracles. You know, I’ve done all of this stuff. Why am I still not doing it? And you just hit it when you said I could be consciously aware. That actually doesn’t change things. Being consciously aware is, “Oh, I know I’m eating the Oreos, but I continue to eat them.”
So that’s where the Punch Line comes into play. Because it’s the presence, and the unpacking, and that all mighty N. And the last time we recorded something you talked about you thought the P was hard but then you were like, “No the U is like the worst.” And I’m like, “Wait, we haven’t gotten to the N yet.”
Because the navigate, now we’re talking about you making decisions and you changing the actions. And the N is we’re rewiring the neural pathways and we’re retraining the brain to do things differently. That’s going to require some work from us.
Susy: Yeah. And as you’re talking, I’m thinking about how different I am, how much I’ve grown from the day I met you. And how it’s almost like I enter a new phase, and then my energy shifts and changes and I acquire new, you know, like meditating every morning, or developing a practice of study, or whatever I do. It’s like, it adds. I expand and then I add, and then I do more, and I believe more. It expands, and sometimes it seems like I go backwards and freak out and cry and feel terrible for a week or so.
But every time, like you talked about with Danielle and that Human Design thing about how when you get into a bad mood, somehow pain, or whatever it is, is sort of like, like when a when a caterpillar goes into the cocoon, it’s almost like that’s the melting. But that is the material. So nothing is wasted. All the growth and the years, I just read in the course, this morning, that miracles collapse time. I even circled it and was like, “What does that mean?”
You know, like, there’s nothing lost, everything is valuable. So I value the age that I am. I value every ounce, every minute that I was depressed or angry or freaked out, because I have a heart that feels true genuine empathy, and compassion, and is strong because I am not a victim of constant depression anymore. So I believe that you can overcome it, I have that strength and conviction.
Conviction and compassion, those are my two C’s. I have the conviction that you can get past it, through it, and be healed. And I have the compassion that I know it feels terrible. And it’s like, Dante’s what are they? Eight layers of hell. It’s awful, I know how awful and how hard life can be. But I’m not going to just stay there with you. I’ll visit there, but I’ll know for sure that you don’t have to stay there.
So it’s not like, you know, like one of our favorite teachers, Abraham Hicks says, you’re ready to be ready to be ready. And that’s so encouraging. You don’t have to get there today. But you’re getting a little closer every day. And you’re going to find, “Oh, wow, I just made a leap.”
Kim: But when you’re in need greed, you can’t see that, I can’t see that, others can’t see that. What you just said is yes, and we can see it now. But when we’re in need greed, we’re in scarcity. Scarcity of knowledge, scarcity of time, scarcity of resources, whatever it is. We cannot because the lizard brain, or the bitch brain, or the damn whatever it is, the bully I call it, that part of the brain, when it goes into defense and it creates that resistance, the chemicals surging through the body we can’t see past. It’s like when we’re just like in the middle of all this smoke, you can’t see through it until it clears. And so the need greed is coming from that fight or flight or I’m going to die if I don’t figure it out.
Susy: But let me ask you this, do you think that that, because I certainly went through a lot of ugly patches of that need greed, I kind of feel like it was necessary. Because number one, it happened and I experienced it. I mean, it wasn’t like I was making it up for some melodrama fun.
Kim: No, I never saw that.
Susy: That was my actual experience. I mean, I was really suffering and hurting. And I think that that was part of the cocoon, that was part of the transformation. I mean, it’s valid, it’s not fun, it’s not enjoyable, but it’s part of the mechanism of building the transformation. It’s part of it.
Like I was saying before we came on, it’s kind of the Lord moves in mysterious ways. I mean, you could try to figure all this stuff out but good luck. I mean, the human mind with all the –
Kim: Yeah, I’ve been in both positions. So I’ve been in it where I couldn’t be supported. The space wasn’t available for someone to hold it because that childlike behavior is so intense, right? Most people are just like, screw you. And you know, just kind of throw you aside and ignore it. And which was I was like, basically screaming, “No, like listen, I want to work through this. Like I want to go through this.” But it was almost like well you’re not going to inflict your stuff on me kind of thing, right?
And so I recognized it whenever you were going through it and I just remembered like how deeply I wanted that help. Like how much I wanted to never experience the intensity of this again. How I wanted to, like I just was looking for the teacher, for someone to help me.
And it took me back to not having the support of a parent like not having what I needed even as a kid. Like no one to take me shopping, I had nothing to wear for homecoming. Like my dad brought me to the Western store, I didn’t want to wear Wranglers, you know, I was a girl. I remember sitting there and I had boobs and I had no bra and I had no mom.
Like so it’s so intense, like the need is so intense on the unconscious level. And I think when it’s coming from a deep passion or a deep urgency that some people just can’t handle that intensity, right? And so I feel like that’s something that I recognize, I don’t feel like it’s a people pleasing quality either. I feel like it’s a listen, I can let you and I can allow you to have this tantrum. And I’m still going to be here and I’m still going to love you. And I’m still going to be in compassion. I understand and I’m okay, this is the hard part, I’m okay if you go away.
Susy: Well, you know what’s so interesting as you’re talking, Kim, is that somebody else could have, like say there was another Susy and she did the exact same program with me with you. And every step of the way she was just totally fine with the progress, the results, where she was. And in every coach call she was like, “Okay, I’m not getting it yet but I’m fine.” That could have been my experience every step of the way. I’m just going to keep my nose, I’m just going to keep doing it.
But this Susy, me, made another story out of it. And that, as you’re talking about deep childhood wounds, imagining my father with all the money being very cheap, not giving it to me, I’m not worth it. And so me not succeeding, it was almost like it was so incredibly painful. The pain that I felt from my father and my husband, like working with you kind of ignited that exact same wound.
So whatever that was in me that couldn’t believe that I could be loved and successful and get the money that I want, was stopping me from letting it in. And that is unconscious shit that I can’t really explain in this podcast. I am a smart person, okay, I’ve read a million books, but I can’t intellectually explain to you that energetic barrier to love, barrier to success. And the pain that I went through throughout the last two years and recently, like two months ago, which was so incredibly intense, was like I was a rock, it just had to break me down to dust. Where now I just feel like, “Okay.”
I feel much more open now and receptive to you. And I feel like whatever that painful shell was, was really broken open. And I don’t feel, like yes, I would want to succeed and make progress. But for some reason I feel a more peaceful thing. Like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, when I’m supposed to be there. And that money and success, all that stuff will come when I am the person.
Kim: Who can receive it.
Susy: Who can receive it and hold it and manage it. And, you know.
Kim: Yeah. It’s like the story was I’m not worthy of getting my needs met, I can’t get it here either, right? I’m just the one who pays, or the one who has to play, or the one who has to play the part. Like it’s just a repeat of the unconscious. Like for me too, like it was just a repeat of the unconscious.
And I use the word catalyst because I’m like these circumstances are the catalyst for the healing so that the stuff can bubble up and have a better outcome. Because it wasn’t able to have an outcome when we were in the trauma, right? It was repressed, it was shut down, there was no support.
And so that story was true. I can’t get what I need, or I’m being used or whatever it is. And when it comes to our money. This is what makes business coaching so hard, when it comes to money and making money, you know, and you can actually heal those stories, those limiting beliefs, it pretty much takes care of everything else.
Because in order to step into the role of the person who can consciously shamelessly make the money, receive the money, you have to drop all the baggage. That’s what I came to realize. But at the same time I think speaking about need greed is so important because there are so many new coaches and even health practitioners who are moving into coaching. And I don’t know what the percentage is, but I’m pretty sure it’s high, that I need to know. I need to know that framework, that exact plan, I need to know what’s going to work for me.
There’s a couple of sides of that coin. One is, if the coach tells you exactly what and you do it, then you can blame them if you fail. So that’s one. And I like that one. I’m like, “Yes, tell me so that I can say that’s not what you told me.” And I’ve recently done that and caught myself. I was like, “Oh, interesting, here it is.” That’s when I was like, “Oh, well you’re the one who told me to do that.” I was like, “Oh, there’s some blame.” Right? It’s actually growing a business, it’s just tattering. And that’s the hardest concept to understand is you have to just decide. And then try it.
Susy: Yeah, but growing a business happens simultaneously while you’re growing yourself.
Kim: That’s right.
Susy: So when you say need greed, need greed comes from a wound that is bleeding. It’s because you’re just hurting and you want to feel better. You want to feel better, for God’s sake you just want to feel better. And so the big revelation to me, just even in this conversation is that I’m feeling better before all these other things that I thought would make me feel better are happening. I can feel better right here right now and trust.
You know, you told me trust life a couple years ago, and I was like, “Yeah, yeah, excuse me?” And then you said trust masculinity. And I swear I almost had like a heart attack and a brain aneurysm. Trust masculinity, what? So all this growth within me to trust life, and to, you know, to heal all my wounds. This is making me the person, it’s all connected. Money, success, love, it’s all connected, and to go ahead and get all the money and business and success without the clarity and the healing emotionally, I don’t know how that would have worked for me.
Kim: I can tell you this, it shows up later. Because I’ve seen it happen where someone was like unpreparedly successful. Like, it just came really, really fast. Like someone winning the lottery, but then they’re not worthy or deserving of it. And so like it’s a fluke, or they just go and blow it. It’s like this is what they talk about in The Big Leap, right?
I love that book because it talks about hitting those glass ceilings. And as soon as you lose a certain amount of weight or have a certain amount of money. And then we unconsciously kind of like destroy those results because we’re not comfortable in receiving that, you know, at that capacity.
Kim: But the thing you talked about earlier, too, when you said it’s like I had it together, I don’t know what happened, because then it comes back. You’re like it comes back, it’s still there. I call that a glitch. It’s like a glitch in the system. So you imagine the way the neural pathways work and like you’re rewiring, through practice, this is all through practice.
So it’s like, first you have to become aware of what the unconscious is. So what we’re doing is we’re bringing the unconscious to consciousness so that we can be aware of what we’re thinking on both levels. So this is why this podcast is called More Than Mindset, it’s more than your thoughts.
There are thoughts that are conscious. And then there are thoughts that are unconscious. And the unconscious thoughts are the beliefs. And so the work we are doing is healing the belief system, and that’s why I call it the healing the BS. Like it’s all just BS, it’s just a belief system. And you get to change what you believe.
But I think what happens is, it’s almost like a mishap like a glitch. Like there’s this pathway and then like “zzzzz,” like it wasn’t quiet, you know? So if you imagine like electricity going through a wire, “zzzzz,” that’s actually what the nervous system is responding to. So we have trained the nervous system to behave a certain way according to what we’ve experienced.
And that’s the next level. Like that takes us all the way into the advanced coach training because you have mindset, you have emotional processing, right? Then you have the integration. So you have the processing, the pie, like we say, you have processing, integration, and then you have the embodiment, okay? Nervous System. So it’s like more than one way to get to the end of it. So of course it takes a long time. That’s why Self Healing Masters is like you got to come in for life.
Susy: Well yeah, and if 95% of our thoughts are unconscious.
Kim: We have a lot of work to do.
Susy: Yeah, hello, we’re trying to fix everything from the 5%.
Kim: Yeah, from the intellect, from the mind.
Kim: Yeah, it’s not going to work.
Susy: That’s a lot. So I think for me, when I would hit a glitch or whatever, I was just reaching down a deeper level of that 95%.
Kim: You were like, “Well, it’s for sure true, here it is again. I have all the evidence.” And then like we go on to convince the other person of all the evidence that we have, right? Because that’s just the way, that’s the mind body. That’s just the way it works.
Like when we’re feeling uncomfortable, we’re going to look in front of us to find what is creating that. And whoever is there, that’s why coaching is so tricky, whoever is there is going to get the blame. It’s just that [inaudible].
Susy: Well yeah, it fascinates me how it tapped into decades old trauma that had nothing to do with you. But it tapped into that place what was in my subconscious mind, that was in my nervous system, that was in my heart. And to process that is a revelation. It’s huge. That’s what’s changing my life, is like getting in touch with all of that and being able to shed that and let it go. And see that it was within me before I ever met you.
Kim: Yeah, yeah. And it’s the tumble through the portal that changes the perception and that’s when like everything we see, the lens we look through changes. Like where you’re at right now, it’s just different. It’s more expansive, it’s more aligned with love, with A Course in Miracles.
It’s really like in order to heal we have to heal the separation of humanity. We have to heal the separation of man. And it’s not going to come from being right or wrong. It’s not going to come from force. It’s not going to come from belittling, and emotional manipulation, and payback, and shunning people. Like all of that creates more division, more separation, and more pain. Which is exactly what the triggers of the past are.
Susy: Yeah, we create what we defend against. Absolutely, absolutely. And I kept creating my own thing that I was defending against by trying to keep myself safe I kept myself –
Kim: Right, it’s right, don’t you think? It’s like the brain will do whatever it has to do to prove it is right. And we will defend what we think is right, what we think we know.
Susy: But if we’re afraid, if we don’t trust life, if we don’t trust God, masculinity, whatever you want to call it, we’re going to build up a defense. And then we’re going to be really unsafe. Like this get your gun out, you’re so unsafe. Drop all your defenses and surrender.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because A Course in Miracles is constantly talking about surrender, trust, surrender, in my defenselessness my safety lies. So if you lay down all your defenses, all of them, that’s when you’re the most safe.
Now, okay, to get to that level of feeling safe you have to have utter trust that in your defenselessness there is a loving universe all around you, loving you, protecting you, guiding you. And you don’t believe that when you’re in need greed.
Kim: Because sometimes it’s pooping on you.
Susy: Well, that’s how you’re interpreting it because you can’t understand.
Kim: That’s what it feels like, right? Like I mean you hear this all the time, “Why does it happen to me? Of course it happens to me, this is what happens all the time.” You hear people say this all the time. And it’s really the awareness is being able to see that you say that and then unpacking is the work. But then it’s not over. It’s almost like the commercial that’s like, “But there’s more.” It’s like now we get into the N, now we’re going to navigate, now we’re going to change the neural pathway, now we’re going to come to neutrality.
Life is amazing. It’s actually all neutral. That is not hard to swallow when you’re in suffering or when you’re in victim hood. Just like we’re using the word greed and need greed, and I say victim hood, I am not saying it as a looking down on. I’m saying it as a stage in awareness. When you’re blaming anyone, you are the victim. There has to be a victim where there is blame. And so it’s just recognizing that, you know?
And the thing I was going to say earlier is coming back to need greed and why it feels so intense. It’s because it’s this desperation to heal this scarcity. Because the scarcity is so real, right? I’m not going to have what I need I gave you all of this and now I don’t have what I thought I was going to get.
So it’s an intense scarcity. And you add time, and age, and money, and power on top of that, it’s going to be very intense.
Susy: And asking someone to trust, and also with life coaching or when you’re changing your life, it’s not like you’re just continuing with what you’ve already known. You’re doing something completely different that I have no idea. I mean, I have an intuitive feeling of the way that I will serve people in my work and I have done that. But also there’s going to be so much more that I really don’t know what it’s going to look like yet. So it’s the epitome of faith, believing in what you don’t see yet.
And like I love what you say, be willing to be surprised. If you believe that the universe is your number one supporter and it is love, then you’re going to be excited about what it’s going to surprise you with. Like, when you’re a little kid and you ask for a pony for Christmas, you think you’re going to get a pony and you’re happy. You don’t dread everyday going, “I’m not going to get a pony.” You’re like, “I’m going to get a pony!” You know you’re going to get a pony.
So that’s kind of where I am. I don’t have the pony yet, but I believe the universe is super loving and wants me to have the pony. So I’m excited about what the pony is going to look like, you know, I think about the pony. You know, I’m using it as a metaphor.
Kim: Yeah, for sure. But I want to really, you know, validate what’s going on when you’re in the middle of this transformation work. It looks like everything’s falling apart around, 100% the relationships are going to change.
I was told years ago that I was meant to work in relationships, to help heal or mend and I was just kind of like, “Yeah.” I just didn’t see it at all. But now I recognize it because every one of my clients who comes through we end up having this everything in humanity is relationship. How we relate to ourself, to our bank account, to our neighbor, to our leaders, to everything is about relationship.
So coming back to that and allowing it to be valid for all of these people who are listening, especially when we’re talking to coaches and entrepreneurs and people who are changing their lives, I’ll just say change makers. As soon as you start changing, people will fall away or come along one or the other. So it’s very scary, it’s very unfamiliar. And so we have that going on on top. And then we have the belief system, which is saying, “I’m not worthy, I’m not going to get my needs met, I’m going to run out of time.” So all of that going on top.
So what would you say through your experience, and let’s just say you’re talking to one of your clients, because what Susy does is helps you rewrite the inner dialogue, helps you rewrite your story, your beliefs of whatever happened in childhood, especially when it comes to childhood trauma?
And what would you tell them coming in? Because this is something you’ve told me several times, I wish we knew at the beginning what it was going to be like, maybe you could have prepared us. What would you say? Like let’s honor that. And for the person who is in the middle of this and they’re not getting their needs met. Like coming from your experience, from my experience, and they’re listening to this.
Susy: First of all, I would say I’m really sorry, because it’s really hard and it hurts. And I know that. And I’m sorry, but on the other hand I’m optimistic that whatever we feel at every step of the game, there is value and worth in it. And there’s a reason for it. And it’s building within you. It’s going to be your strength on the other side. So hang in there, don’t beat yourself up.
Eckhart Tolle says our pain doesn’t come from pain; it comes from pain plus the terrible story we tell about our pain. So just, you’re in pain, or you’re struggling, you’re hurting. I have compassion for that. But don’t make it worse by telling a bunch of stories about how so and so is not in pain. Just love yourself where you are and know that there’s worth and value in it. And get as much love and support as you can from yourself and from people who are good to you.
And I’ll say it, even though I don’t know you, you’re going to be okay, I know you’re going to be okay. People have gone through awful, terrible things and come out on the other side. And everyone can, we are all resilient. The course says, the Christ in you cannot be crucified. Which a cynic would say, “What are you talking about? Christ was crucified.” Yeah, but guess what, he rose from the dead, you know. The Israelites had to leave slavery and then go in the desert for 40 years, what? So three days, 40 years, it’s up to you.
Suffering is just kind of like, if there was a better way to think of it, think of it as growing, and healing, and changing. And the world calls it suffering, but it’s normal human expansion. You are a spirit living in this body, and bodies have all kinds of problems. But if you can focus, you know if you can meditate every day and focus on that spirit and believe that you’re making progress and nurture your healing, you know, do all the things you know to do. You can stay encouraged knowing that everything is working out for you.
That was my favorite mantra when I was suffering the worst. Before I ever met you, Kim, I would do the Abraham Hicks mantra, “Everything is always working out for me.” I don’t know how, but I just believe that. And it’s working out for all of us together.
And whoever you are listening to this, you are not alone. I am one with you, we are all one. And we’re all like Ram Dass says, we’re all walking each other home. No one’s better or worse. I don’t care if you’re skinnier, or richer, or younger, we’re all souls walking home and we’re all going to be together forever. Forever.
Kim: And it’s okay to feel the need greed. It’s okay to feel like you need, you need, you need. Because it’s reflecting for you that you have a need that you haven’t tapped into from yourself. Or you have a wound that hasn’t come up to the surface for a better outcome yet.
Susy: Yeah, that’s the best that you can do right now to get your needs met. And it’s valid. And it’s just where you are right now. We don’t judge a kid who’s learning to walk. “Oh, they keep falling down, come on.” Everything’s a process. I don’t care if you’re 5 or 55 or 95, you know, you’re learning a new thing, it takes time.
Kim: It’s like we get so serious and uptight, right, and put this urgency and then we’re like, “It’s not fun. I’m not having fun.”
Susy: All the greats that we worship and idolize, they have their shit too. I mean, if you get to know some of these famous, powerful, popular people, they have their issues, everybody does. Everyone has their pain, everyone.
Susy: And so to just kind of –
Kim: If we choose to blame someone else for it.
Susy: Yeah, that never works, ever. Getting angry and blaming someone does feel better than being depressed, but you don’t want to stay there. It does, being angry lets you get up and do stuff. When you’re depressed you just lay there like a blob.
Kim: If it ignites you to do something productive, but not if it ignites you just to stay in that fuming rage.
Susy: Right, but you don’t want to stay there. I’m saying that if something terrible happened to you, that could be healthy. But that’s just a phase, you don’t want to stay there. No, no, no, you don’t want to stay there.
Kim: All right.
Susy: You should do a whole nother podcast on spiritual.
Kim: I know, I was like, we can keep going on this one. We’re going to do one on re-writing your life. We’ll come on and talk about that one. But is there anything that we didn’t cover, Susy, that you want to leave the audience, anything we forgot?
Susy: Well, you know, just forgive yourself if you’re beating yourself up for anything. And if you’re blaming other people, or if you’re angry, just explore it. You know, I mean, Kim has tons of processes in her book and they’re all really useful and practical. Just what do you call it a mind dump? Get it all out. Don’t beat yourself up for anything. Just have radical compassion and explore it.
Like, say that you’re an actor in a play and you’re just really having a terrible time. Look at it like you’re in the audience going, “Wow, that’s really interesting. Let me explore that. Why am I so angry? Why Does this hurt so much?” You know, and write down 100 things, other times in your life you felt that hurt. I mean, it’s all just to explore and to discover, and then you can heal it. Just look, don’t be afraid of it. The pain, the anger, the blame, don’t be afraid of it.
Kim: It feels like we should be afraid of it when we’re in it because we’re so mad about not being able to get out of it. And I think if we recognize that it’s actually a belief that’s attached to an emotional signature, you know, and then we can. And I think you had enough of that understanding prior, like to be able to go the duration, right? And for us to come out on the other side.
Like, I think there needs to be some sort of at least an intellectual understanding of what’s happening in the physical body. You know, whenever we have a painful thought, and then it hits a trigger, and then it gets stuck in that loop. Like you knew that it was like, because you said, “I’m not ready to talk. But it’s like, I know it’s me, but I can’t get it yet.” And it’s like there was an awareness that it was a spin loop, that it was a cycle. But there wasn’t an intellectual understanding in order to –
Susy: Yeah, Kim’s talking about a time when she texted me and I couldn’t talk to her because I was still crying a lot and really mad and hurt.
Kim: You see what I’m saying?
Susy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I did have enough of an understanding that it was 100% my shit and you were just the catalyst. Yeah, I did have that understanding.
Kim: Not always fun being the catalyst, by the way, I’d rather be a cat.
Susy: I’m sure. Yeah, if you’re lucky enough to get a coach like Kim, who’s like an oak tree of strength.
Kim: It’s definitely not always easy, but it I can’t say I can get away from it. I tried. Like sometimes I’m like, you know and then we go right back into the deep side. It’s like scuba diving.
Susy: Well, maybe when you met me, you might have sensed that you were getting into something intense.
Kim: I’ve never taken on a client that I didn’t see the potential of what they were talking about. And I think that’s why I can stay in the trust and integrity. Because I feel like there’s like a soul conversation more than a personal head conversation.
Kim: And so it’s like a knowing of like I have this vision, you know, this Joan of Arc vision and the dirt is toiled up and it comes to, you know, about Eckhart Tolle’s books with the power of now and the new earth. And it’s like we’re going there. And especially us 6/2s, you and I both, you know, being visionaries. And I saw that clear as day and I was like, “All right God, just send them, send your people. I’ll get them ready.” But I didn’t realize what the intensity of getting ready meant.
Susy: But even as we’re talking about this now, I’m almost happy that I am so fierce and crazy, passionate, whatever. Because my clients, whatever they bring to me, I’m going to be like, “Yeah, I get it. I have felt the depths of depression, anger, misery, frustration. I get it. I can hold space that you’re going to be okay. No matter how miserable you feel right now, because I used to feel that way and I don’t feel that way now. And I understand how hard it is. I’ve experienced it. You can too. And I know that.”
Kim: Yeah. If you try to do it from the hurt space, that’s the wounded healer. You know, that’s the people pleasing, that’s the fixing. But when you come to wholeness from within yourself, then you can be the space holder, then you can be the supporter, and the guide because you’re not trying to do it for them.
Susy: No, no, no. My role model is Jesus, when he would see dead people and he’d be like, “No, you’re not dead. You’re just asleep, get up.” But he wept first, right? Jesus wept and then he said get up.
Kim: All right my friend, this was good. We’re going to do another one like I said on rewriting your life. But thanks for joining me today.
Guys, since I’ve been on Clubhouse it’s really hard to do these podcasts by myself because I like interaction. I want people to come to the stage, I want them to open the mic, I want them to tell their story. And I feel like I’ve done so much with laying a foundation on the podcast for the first year and really put a lot of concepts there.
And so when new ones come up like this and you can hear it from different perspectives, or different points of view, or even from experience I feel like it’s so much more valuable and I hope you do also.
Is there anything you wanted to say before we hop off?
Susy: Love, compassion, God bless you. Have hope, be optimistic. There’s a way.
Kim: And where can people find you?
Susy: Susy Porter Coaching on Facebook, susyporter.com is almost up. SusyPB_ on Instagram.
Kim: Okay. She’s also in the, all the coaches are in the More Than Mindset Facebook group.
Susy: Oh yeah, More Than Mindset.
Kim: So you can just click in the –
Susy: Self Healing Masters. When I did my one woman show, that’s another thing, but I acted out being molested as a kid. So that was my deepest darkest shame secret, I was a teacher with children for 20 years, I was like, “Nobody can know that about me.” But now everybody knows everything about me so I literally have nothing to hide. I have nothing to hide.
Susy: Like shame proof, it just rolls right off. “Oh, yeah? What about it? We’re all human right?”
Kim: I think that’s off the roof 6/2s.
Susy: That’s right, The Course in Miracles says your innocence is guaranteed by God. I like that, I hang on to that all the time. I say that when someone annoys me. I go, “Your innocence is guaranteed by God.” It makes me feel better about them.
Kim: All right guys, have a great week.Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset
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