Ep #215: Guided Nervous System Regulation Technique 
with Monique Derouen

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

Ep #215: Guided Nervous System Regulation Technique with Monique Derouen

 Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Kim: Hey there, and welcome back to the show. I have a guest with me today. Monique is one of the integrative Mind-Body Coaches, and we are going to talk about nervous system regulation. This is something that comes up with our clients in Self Healing Masters, and our private clients very often, and I’ve recently had a, actually several coaches, other coaches ask, “how do you access this nervous system response?”

Like just waking up. Like you open your eyes in the morning and it’s like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, happening in your body. It’s like I used to feel like I was like very far away and I was just like, boom. Just dropped back into my room and it was almost like a panicked feeling in my body.

Like pounding of the heart, in the throat. So, I was talking to Monique about that, and we decided this would be a great topic that we could do for the podcast, for the YouTube channel, as well as for our Self Healing Masters clients, and other coaches would have access to it because it’s kind of the natural progress. You learn mindset, or you learn these healing tools, and then this will just happen. And it’s the adjustment of what’s happening in the nervous system and in your neurology, and whenever your mindset and your emotions begin to change, and then your environment begins to change. I consider it part of the acclimation into the new body.

So, I’m looking at the physical body as the representation of what is subconsciously happening. And so, it gets a little—I’m going to use the word scary when you’re dysregulated. Because now you are experiencing, witnessing, seeing. I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m not sure who I am anymore. I don’t want what I was, but I’m not sure what I is. That kind of thing.

So, we’re just going to take Monique through this so that—she’s very familiar with it. She does this with her clients and she’s also a coach in Self Healing Masters. And this is basically what we’re doing as Mind-Body Coaches. So, Monique, welcome. 

Monique: Hi, Kim. Thanks for having me. 

Kim: Do you want to, maybe, share how this affected you personally? Like the physical experiences that maybe you had as you were going through the training, the private coaching, and, like, creating this change in your own life?

Monique: Absolutely. when you and I first met, I was an emotional wreck. I mean, I was turned off to things. I was very angry. And I was in a lot of physical pain. And as we began to use these tools and resources, and I was embodying the information that you were teaching me, I was able to make calm, clear choices instead of reacting.

I was able to lower the anxiety to where I could connect and communicate clearly. I could express what I needed. I could take care of myself differently. And I didn’t have access to that before; understanding how to emotionally regulate myself. I thought that my emotions were just something that happened to me.

It’s just what was. If there was a car accident, you were supposed to get angry. You were supposed to get upset when someone died; you were supposed to be sad. When something good happened, you were supposed to be excited and happy about it. And so, I was using those types of beliefs against myself. Not knowing. But I didn’t have the capacity to get clear in the moment and go, “oh, this is just an emotion. This is just a response.

I still have very big emotions. They come in; they hit me, like tidal waves. They’re huge, but I don’t dump them on other people. I don’t freak out and panic and run. I don’t hide anymore. It’s very different. 

Kim: Mm-hmm. And for those who know human design, Monique and I are both emotional authorities. And so, we get—50 percent of the population are emotional authority. And so, that’s coming from three sources of emotion. So, it is, reaction is one, but there’s also what’s going on around us, and then the wave, you know. So, it’s like we’re looking at planetary and transits, you know, what’s happening, and with those around us that we are reacting to.

So, it’s kind of… it’s a lot to learn about yourself, you know, of where it’s coming from without putting all your focus and attention on that. You know, it’s like you want to still use the punchline approach—so we’re still staying present—but this is the part that we’re unpacking or unraveling so that we can understand and unlearn the patterns.

So, it’s the point where we recognize it’s a pattern. It’s not us. So, we’re going to just take you through an example. So, Monique, you can just give me an example of something. Just—would that work for you? Can you just come up with something that maybe you’ve experienced recently, or you want to take me through something?

Monique: Yeah, we were caught in the airport this weekend. That was interesting.

Kim: Okay. And so, caught in the airport is what was happening. That’s the circumstance. What was your thought?

Monique: I can’t believe this is happening. 

Kim: I can’t believe this is happening. 

Monique: So annoying. 

Kim: So, then you felt annoyed.

Monique: Yes. 

Kim: What did ‘annoyed’ feel like in your body?

Monique: It felt like a sense of urgency. It felt like pressure. I was trying to get to certain places by a certain time. My husband was with me, so there was more luggage; there were more items. There was another person. I’m used to traveling alone, so it was a little different.

Kim: Can you, can you tell me, can I back up a second? Can you tell me about the urgency and the pressure? How did that feel like? Because this is what happens, right? The mind goes right into explaining why you were feeling without really recognizing what you were feeling. So, what was pressure and what was the other word?

This, this urgency? What did pressure—where did you feel that in your body? Just bringing it up. Do you feel it right now? 

Monique: Oh yeah. In my jaw and behind my shoulder blades. It was kind of like in this, in this part of my body on the front and the back side, which is kind of all right here. 

Kim: Okay, so, so when you say right here, it’s like outside of the body? 

Monique: No, no, no. It was, it was inside. Inside, but in an area I didn’t see. My shoulder blades. Like right in the spine, in my shoulder blades, and in the front of like my jaw and my neck. It was just like, “ugh.” You know? 

Kim: So, so the tension was being held in the jaw and the neck, and you can feel it down even between the shoulder blades and your mind was feeling that sensation and then thinking all those thoughts that you just said.

Would you say that? Could you explain it from your perspective, so I don’t use my words? 

Monique: So, we got rerouted. The last flight got canceled, so it was late at night. We were in Denver. I had to get to a hotel, get a shuttle, get us food because we were starving, and all in a certain amount of time. And get to sleep and get back up in the morning at like 5:00 a.m. to get back on the next flight.

So, it’s like the time was really crunched and I was trying to plug in all the agenda that we needed to do and the things that were scary for us, you know? I needed to get to sleep. I needed to get food; I needed to have a shower. Those were important for me. It was really cold outside. We didn’t have any luggage.

We didn’t have any clean clothes. I was thinking about where to get a toothbrush from. I mean, it was just kind of all of these things going on, and it just felt like overwhelming pressure. 

Kim: Mm-hmm. 

Monique: Like my body. 

Kim: So, the overwhelming pressure was… and now tell me where it is now compared to the last time you said it. 

Monique: Yeah. It was kind of in the front of my body. Like it was right in my chest. It was, it was right here, and my stomach was probably a little bit uncomfortable. Not painful. Just like kind of flurries in my stomach. Just kind of like anxiety feeling. 

Kim: Mm-hmm. 

Monique: Like, oh, I’ve got to figure this out. I’ve got to make sure we get up on time. I hope I have a charger in my purse to charge my phone, so my battery doesn’t die. Just a list of things. 

Kim: Let’s notice those are thoughts. 

Monique: Mm-hmm.

Kim: Like, notice how quickly. I’m like, “let’s go back. How does it feel now compared to when we were first talking?” And it’s like, “oh, it’s this overwhelming pressure.” And then the mind starts telling the story, which is exactly what it’s supposed to do.

Thank you for being a great example of this. So, the mind, it’s like there’s a feeling, there’s a sensation in the body. Some schools of thought is that you think it, then you feel it. 

Monique: Mm-hmm. 

Kim: So, I’m going to somewhat play both sides of this. You feel it, you’re feeling this. And now the mind is projecting. It’s like a projector.

Like in school, we’d put that light on and then it would project. So, there’s a sensation in the body, and the mind is making up a story about why it should feel this way. It’s like rationalizing it, explaining it, right? That’s like, “oh, it’s this and this and this and this.” And notice how quickly the mind takes you out of what are you feeling in your body?

So, now if you checked in, what are you feeling right now? 

Monique: A little more calm. 

Kim: Now. Let’s go back to imagining that you are running, you’re trying to get food, and you’re trying to get to the hotel, and you’re getting the vouchers… now, what do you feel? 

Monique: Immediately, as soon as you said running, I was like, we’re running again. It just came right back into the middle of my chest. 

Kim: And this is really fascinating because this is what’s happening with chronic pain. 

Monique: Mm-hmm.

Kim: Do you notice how it comes? And it goes, it comes, and it goes. And so, we actually orchestrate some of this stuff that’s happening in our body and it’s as real as when it was happening.

How many days ago? 

Monique: Oh, uh, we got home last night. Yesterday. 

Kim: Yesterday. But, right now, look around the room. 

Monique: Yes. 

Kim: Is there an airport? Are there vouchers? Is there a hotel or are you looking for food? 

Monique: No. 

Kim: And yet the same sensations still exist in the body, which is proving to us that you can resolve all this, the older issues, right? All the unresolved traumas. You can do all of that, but we are constantly revisiting or—it’s like it’s never going to stop happening. The cool thing is that now you have the tools to process it. Now you have the tools to experience it, to integrate it. So, come back to the sensation. How is it right now? 

Monique: Very calm. Very calm. 

Kim: All right.

Monique: Nothing. 

Kim: And so, let’s go back to what else was happening. You were at the desk; you were getting your vouchers. Where was your husband? Where was the food? What time was it? What time are you going to leave in the morning? 

Monique: Yeah, it was late in the evening. It was after nine o’clock. He was running down to see if our bags had come off of the carousel for any reason.

He was upset that we didn’t have bags. We didn’t have clothing or items that belonged to us available. So, he was getting very uncomfortable and then expressing that, which in turn made me feel like I needed to fix something, or figure it out, or find a solution. And so, I immediately went into problem solving to—

Kim: Pause here. So, I need to find a solution. I need to fix this. He’s expecting me to fix this. What do you feel in your body? 

Monique: Yeah. Yeah. Same thing. Like in my shoulders, in the back of my back. It’s just like—

Kim: Which is where we carry other people’s emotions. And so, when we understand the messages that the body’s relaying to us, now we can see where it’s not about the person.

We can see you have that subjective objective, where we’re now in the audience. We’re watching this happen on the stage instead of us being in the stage in the experience. And so, we’ll just go through the process. Really simple. Is it activated right now, or do we need to reactivate it? 

Monique: Yeah, I got a little tingle in the back and the shoulders.

Kim: So, I feel like a tingle in the back of the shoulders that I need to be responsible for this. I need to figure this out. I need to go into problem-solving mode. He needs to calm the hell down. And I need these people to help me so I can get this shit straight. 

Monique: Yeah. 

Kim: Is that what’s—tell me, tell me with your words what’s happening?

Kim: Yeah, it was exactly that. It was like: you go look for the bags, let me deal with the people behind the counter, figure out what our options are, what we need to do. And, and so it was like, well, we’ve got to use the vouchers in the hotel, and we’ve got to use—and I was like, “no, actually we don’t. I have a credit card, we can, we can do whatever.”

So, it was kind of his beliefs and my beliefs that were kind of battling. And there was this like, “I don’t want to do any of this. I just want to want to go to the hotel a little bit. I wanted to—”

Kim: Hold on, hold on. I want to take you… I want to take you back two more steps if you’ll let me do that. So, you’re at the counter, you’re like, “dude, go see about the luggage.”

Monique: Yeah. 

Kim: Right. So, I can take care of these people, so these people can take care of this shit, so I don’t feel what? 

Monique: This responsibility for everybody’s stuff. 

Kim: Yeah. And so, what we do is we try to solve the feeling that’s going on in our body, the discomfort—that’s what’s going on in the neck and shoulders and the throat—by handling exterior people and things.

So, “if you go there and you go there and you take care of this, I won’t feel this.” 

Monique: Mm-hmm. Pretty much what I thought was going to happen. 

Kim: So, right now, feeling this activation, would you say, on a scale of one to 10, what’s the level?

Monique: It’s probably like a five. 

Kim: Okay. Is it mostly in the front and the throat or is it mostly in the neck?

Monique: In the back

Kim: In the back? Still between the shoulder blades? 

Monique: Yep. Yep. 

Kim: If you were to describe it to an alien, you would say it feels like when… is it like somebody pulling? Somebody punching? Somebody—like it feels like…?

Monique: It feels like somebody’s literally just got both hands on my back, just pushing me forward. Like out, just do it. It’s this hardness, and it feels like a lot of pressure against me. 

Kim: Uh-huh. Anything else?

Monique: Mm-hmm.

Kim: Okay, so let’s just kind of play around here. Is that okay with you? Okay. So, you can just notice it, maybe get a little closer to it, experience it, instead of reacting to try to make it go away. Just come closer to it. 

Monique: Mm-hmm. 

Kim: Like it’s not a problem to feel these sensations in my body. This sense of urgency, it’s actually my brain doing its job.

And then my mind is coming up with lots of explanations. And here’s the to-do list or the not to-do list. The try to avoid, right? You’re noticing all of that. You can see it all. 

Monique: Mm-hmm.,

Kim: Can you sit in the audience and watch it on the stage? 

Monique: Mm-hmm. 

Kim: So, you’re sitting where you are now watching it happen at the counter.

Monique: Yeah. 

Kim: Wonderful. All right, so now just squeeze your toes. Just squeeze as tight as you can. Squeeze your toes. Feel the arch of your feet rise.

Feel your bum on the seat. Like just maybe move the pelvic floor. Just kind of move. Yep, squeeze, keep squeezing, squeeze for 3, 2, 1. Squeeze so, tight, and then just let go.

Now what do you notice? Are you more in your body? Is it still as activated? 

Monique: Yeah. It’s kind of all moved over to the right shoulder blade. Now the left side doesn’t feel anything, and it’s kind of the same thing, but not as intense. So, maybe it dropped down a little bit, but it’s still like, like a palm or a fist.

It’s just, it’s just kind of pushing against like this. 

Kim: Mm-hmm. Does it have a color?

Monique: Hmm. It’s dark. 

Kim: Is it like a substance or is it made out of air or like a rock or like it’s dark, like a shadow? Or is it dark like a thing? 

Monique: It feels like… like I keep seeing like a door stopper. Like a rubber door stopper that stops the handle from hitting the wall. 

Kim: Hmm. 

Monique: That’s what it feels like up against me. Yeah. It’s not big. It’s just pushing in this one spot. 

Kim: Okay, so now I just want you to notice your belly and just breathe into your belly. Pull it in. Let it release out. Pull the belly button in and release two more times. Pull the belly button in.

Good. Deep breath. And now you can bring your hands to your ribs or just imagine your ribs. And on the inhale, see if you can feel your ribs expand, like really filling up the diaphragm. Pause, and then release.

Do that two times…

And then pull your shoulders back, really opening and exposing the heart. And you can even tap if that feels good to you, around the thymus or the clavicle, and just let the breath do the work. Like rinsing potatoes, the breath goes down like water, stirs it on the pause, exhale releases. Just continuing to release on its own. So, just rinse the potatoes for a couple of breaths. 

Just imagine that you’re in a sink and you’re pouring water and you’re rinsing potatoes. And then exhale, the water drains.

Maybe a little hum or a little vibration. Now squeeze the toes. Pull the belly in. Shoulders back all at one time. Elbows toward the body, toward the back body, chin to the chest.

One more breath. Really squeeze. Pull that water in so that you can rinse. And then on the exhale, release it all around out the back. Open up the toes, move the shoulders. Maybe taking the chin left to right and we’ll check in. What do you notice?

Monique: Feels really loose. Not restricted, no pressure.

Kim: Now, what can you tell yourself about the circumstance? Do you have access? Because typically what’s happening when we’re in this fight or flight is we don’t have access to the frontal cortex. We go into survival mode and all the sensation starts taking all the attention, and then we react to the sensation, and try to fix the problem or the people.

Yeah. Can you relate? 

Monique: Yeah. 

Kim: So, instead, see if you can find safety. So, we call this the SOS. Stop, which is what? Stop pull in the toes, feel the belly, open to explore, which is what we did. We went in, we investigated, we moved some things around. We got really present, we described, and then we stayed. So, she stayed in the sensation so that stop, open, stay.

And now we’re just going to check in. So, we’re basically coming back to the beginning, which is presence. What are you noticing? 

Monique: That my body feels different. 

Kim: Is there urgency? Is there pressure? Is there problems to solve? 

Monique: No. 

Kim: Is there any activated sensation? 

Monique: Mm-hmm. Nothing. Nothing.

Kim: So, now we want to take a few moments to acclimate to this new environment so that you can embody calm and safety and ease. Because the mind can’t attain what it hasn’t experienced. So, the mind can’t just like go there unless we take it there. That’s why it’s so important to have a mentor or a guide or someone to help you.

You know, we’ve done this for years. Like, hey, pause, count to three, count to 10, right? It’s the same thing, but we’re learning how to access it so that we’re not reactive, because this is where a lot of fights happen, right? And a lot of people get upset with the people at the counter and then the people behind you.

And it’s like, and it could have been that too, right? Like feeling the pressure of people behind you pushing like, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go. And so, we’re feeling energy from other people around us. We’re feeling energy from inside of us, from people that we love, from problems that we’re trying to solve.

So, we go through the process and then we just check in and see where we are now. It is safe to be in my body. It is safe to experience emotions. My breath… I can activate my breath and my breath will release the issues. And then I’ll have my frontal cortex to solve the problem. How does that feel? 

Monique: Really good.

Kim: So, just take a deep breath and find some movement, because now we’ve got to shake it out. See, the animal kingdom knows this. When something happens with them, they go shake it off, right? The cat like picks up its back. And then we move. A little wiggle.

We can access this. It’s just moments in time sitting at the red light, waiting in traffic. Somebody having a hissy fit and you not reacting or feeling responsible for stopping it. Or sometimes it’s just waking up in the morning and landing in this anxious-ridden body.

Stop, open to explore, stay 30 to 90 seconds, check in again, release, and we just do over and over and over until you’ll be able to do this with your eyes closed without even thinking about it. It’ll just be the natural thing because you imprint the process.

All right. When you’re ready, you can rub the hands together or take a deep stretch and open your eyes, coming back to the hearing now. What a trip, huh? That we can bring this on and bring this on. 

Monique: Yeah. 

Monique: This powerful organ in the body is the brain, and we just don’t have the rule book. So, the punchline approach is how to gain power and control for your life. 

Power and control of your body, of your relationships, of your environment, by the powering and control for inside of yourself. Do you have anything to share? We have two minutes. 

Monique: These types of exercises physically change the way you feel. Like it… for a moment, I was a little bit tired. Now I’m like, “wow, what do I have to do today?” And so, I’m focused back on my priorities instead of those little things that were just circling around.

I could have taken that experience and said I’m never flying with anybody ever again. I’m just flying alone. Because it’s so me. But that’s not actually what I want. And so, I would lose what I want by the fear of this happening again. Where actually I have the tools to do it anytime and I can trust the process and myself.

So, that’s huge. 

Kim: Yeah. That’s personal responsibility and empowerment. So, good. Thank you for doing this with me. Guys, try it out. And if you have questions, come into the More Than Mindset Facebook group. We do a lot of lives, and we answer questions in there. It’s a free Facebook group that is a companion to the More Than Mindset Podcast.

That’s, you know, once you have something that is so precious and so valuable, you really want to share it with everyone. So, thank you. 

Monique: Thank you. 

Kim: All right, guys. Click the link below to find out where to find us, and to learn more about Self Healing Masters, and how you can actually gain access to some of these tools to help yourself.

Have a great week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.