Ep #92: The Practice of Be-Coming

Welcome to More than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion, to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey there and welcome back to the show. I am just returning from a retreat with one of my clients, Danielle, held a retreat this weekend in Slidell near New Orleans. And it was fabulous. I think the funnest part about it was watching her transformation be an influence for others’ transformation. I think that was the coolest piece. When you see your work and your experience come alive in others, guys, there is nothing quite like that, and kind of like when you see your children be awarded for their efforts, or for what they achieve.

It’s just the best feeling of tapping into purpose and potential, and recognizing that people are listening and that, I don’t know, I’m feeling a little gooey would kind of be the word about it, I’m feeling a little soft-hearted. And I think most of all I am feeling humbled and in awe at the power of this work, the transformation that I have witnessed in my clients, in myself. And just watching us heal from these old beliefs, heal these stories, heal the BS, that conditioning that so many of us have been contaminated with.

When we could begin to release the layers of that stuff and start tapping into the possibility and the potential that lies within us, there is just nothing like it. And in yourself it feels like liberation, it feels like ease and there’s this clarity that comes with the transformation, that’s like nothing else. But then actually having that new way of being contaminate your community, your environment and others around you, OMG, go get you some of that.

I remember back in the day when I was so depressed and I was struggling with so much in life and I didn’t want to be here. I really had to figure out how to find joy, how to find pleasure, how to not be in survival mode, that my brain just thought that’s what I needed to be in all the time. So I remember back in the day when I was making this decision and I looked up like talking to God and I was like, “Listen, this fight, if I can’t get the hell out of here I’m not doing anything else that’s not fun. That’s my deal. I’ve got to be here. I’ve got to live here. I’m not doing anything that’s not fun.”

And I really held true to that commitment, that decision that I made that I will enjoy life. I’m not going to just be a survivor. I really wanted to feel inspired and passionate, and vibrant, and alive. And that was the second part of the bargain that living here was really hard in a rural area and not having anyone to have this conversation of transformation with, the change. I didn’t really have anyone in my close circle that was experiencing what I was experiencing. And it was leaving me really lonely.

And that was the second part of my deal is that’s fine, we’ll stay and we’ll build a conscious culture and community to support it. And I am living that today and I think that’s what I witnessed, that’s what I experienced is being with my clients and their clients, and seeing the contamination of this work take over that room, and just start pouring into the lives of others, making that impact. It’s such a beautiful thing.

Alright, so that, leading up to the conversation for today which is all about – there’s three things I want to talk about specifically. So that is the way we behave when we want to transform, when we want to change our life. Now, I’m going to use it in the terms of an entrepreneur, but you can use it for yourself in your relationship, or your career, or however you want to put it. I just want to use the example of entrepreneurs because it’s what I see so often. And secretly I know you all want to be an entrepreneur. I’m joking, but I’m serious.

I do believe that everyone has something unique to share with the world, whether that is in your own business, or working with someone else who is impacting the world. So this is what I see. An individual who really has something unique, dynamic, different, creative that they want to share with others, like this is my stamp, my imprint of being here in this world. And we are conditioned. We are told to fake it till you make it.

It’s this pretend and ignore kind of thing, we’re told to just go out there and pretend you believe it, get it done, white knuckle it, just bypass all of the emotions, don’t look twice, just go, go, go. It’s like put on your helmet and just push through. That is how we are conditioned to push. The second thing that I see is we go into this freak out mode and we don’t start at all. We sit in this I am frozen, I’m freaking out, I smell failure. I’m experiencing anxiety, and doubt, and tension, and stress in my body and so I’m just going to wait and see.

What that looks like is I might tell a couple of people, maybe I’ll tell my neighbor or I’ll tell my sister that I have this idea. I’m going to just kind of let it slip out and then I’m going to wait to see what their response is. Do you get it? So the first thing we’re told, “Just don’t worry about anything, go and push, pretend, fake it till you make it.”

The second thing we’re told is, “You shouldn’t do that. You’re going to fail. You’re going to make a fool out of yourself. You’re going to blow it. You’re never going to – don’t give up what you have because you’re never going to be able to get it back, you’re never going to be able to do it better so you better just wait and see.” That’s the second way that we respond.

I want to offer you a third option and that is being in the practice of be-coming. So being what is coming now. So imagine you’re on one side of the bridge and you see what you want, you see the potential and the possibility, you see the opportunity on the other side. And you are walking across one step at a time. What’s the very next thing that you need to do? That’s it, that’s all you have to think about, what’s the very next thing that I need to do right now? And you practice becoming that now.

So you’re not pretending and you’re not sitting around frozen and waiting, you’re in the practice and you’re in the being of what is coming. And what that looks like is tattering, you try something and then you assess it. How well did that work? Right, right, right, what could I do differently? It’s tattering, you try, you assess what you tried and then you tweak, how can I do it a little different? How could I get a different response? How can I offer more value? How can I maybe share my message in a clearer way?

And then you try again. So, you try, you assess, you tweak and you try again and then you assess again. And then you tweak and then you try. That’s what the actual practice looks like. So you’re on one side of the bridge, and you just take that very next step. And then you look around, you check out what worked, check-in with yourself and then you use the power of your knowing and you try that. But here’s the problem, what we do is we look off on someone else’s bridge, we look off of ours, and we go and we look at what someone else is doing.

The problem is we don’t have the same end goal. We’re not talking to the same people. We don’t have the same passion. We don’t have the same experience to share. And so what we do is we look to these influencers or these people who have achieved something and we try to recreate what they have done rather than recognizing that we have something unique. We have a different potential and a different possibility and what we need to do is stay on our own bridge. We don’t need to fake it. We don’t need to wait and see.

We need to be in the practice of be-coming now. And then you want to assess, you want to look at what you’re doing and what the results are and then you make decisions from there and then you try again. That’s it; it’s just this constant practice. Think about meditation being a practice. Meditation is the practice of being present. It’s the practice of being aware. And you practice that by being, by becoming exactly that. And notice when you veer off and what’s the thought behind that?

When you’re looking over at someone else’s bridge, why are you looking? What are you looking for? Take note of these things because this unconscious story is what’s guiding your life if you are not aware of it. In other words, you’re on your bridge, your tattering along, you’re taking the next step and you’re assessing, and you’re tweaking, and you’re trying again, that’s the practice of becoming.

And then you have this moment of doubt, or this moment of unworthiness, or this freaking out, your brain will tell you it’ll never happen. You need to slow your role, look how it’s working for everyone else and it’s never going to work for you and you must have, either you’re doing it wrong, or you tried the wrong thing or there’s something you’re not getting it. That’s typically what our brain tells us. When you hear that message you instantly look over at someone else’s bridge. And we go into this judge and compare. And that’s the problem.

That’s where transformation and change starts hitting that brick wall. I don’t know why I’m not getting it. I don’t know why it’s not working for me. I am looking, I see everyone else doing it. I’m doing what they’re doing. Notice that and just like in meditation, as soon as you notice it you’re like, “Hey, I hear you, I see you, bye bye. I hear you, I see you, bye bye. Bye bye doubt, bye bye unworthiness, bye bye judgment and comparison.” And then you come back to your bridge, you look down and you take the next step.

And it’s a rinse and repeat. Stay in your own business, mind your own bridge. Tweak, try something new, assess. Keep going. Keep going. Stay in the practice, the practice of becoming. Being what is coming right now and be your own influencer. How can you look inside at this inner compass, this inner knowing, this purpose and passion that lies within you, this potential that’s already there? How can you allow that to be the influence of your very next step?

It’s great to look at outside influencers and see what they’ve accomplished, see what they’ve achieved, see what they have brought to fruition, what is possible and potential for them. It’s great to look at that and be inspired. But then use that momentum to become that for yourself. And guys, I speak this from – I’ve had lots of mentors, and coaches, and teachers that I adore, I’m so inspired by, so motivated.

And I’ve also had experiences with those who want you to do it exactly like they do. The problem is you may not have the same intention; you may not even have the same message. And so if you’re being someone else then you’re not being the influence, the leader, the potential for your own client or for your own whatever your service is or whatever your intention is, you’re not doing that for yourself.

And this is something that since all this social media hype the last few years, this is something that I see a lot of is people are putting things out there that they want people to see that they think looks good. But they’re not portraying their real life or their whole life. And it’s creating a lot of this FOMO fear of missing out, trying to be what someone else is. Or trying to be the influence and impact that someone else has, and not being the influence of your own life.

So how can you come back and assess, what do I do? Am I the one who fakes it till I make it? Do I just decide and do, and go for the gusto and don’t look back, and ignore my feelings, and ignore everything that’s going on around me? I just push and I make it happen.

Or am I the one who is waiting to see? I’m going to throw a couple of crumbs out there and I’m going to see if anyone nibbles on them. I’m going to be in this freeze and freak out mode. And I’m just going to wait for the right time. I’m going to wait till I don’t feel nervous. I’m going to wait till I don’t feel anxious anymore.

Or will you take the third approach right in between there and practice right now, be in active mode, you are implementing and you are being the example of? You are being an influence on yourself; your own vision is influencing you. Your inner knowing is influencing you. Your trust in life is influencing you. And you are being the example of the potential and possibility that is unique to you.

This is the last thing I’m going to say about this, imagine we were putting together a jigsaw puzzle and there was a beach out and about and then there were the sand and the shore, and so you can imagine is this beach view. And each of us is playing a unique part and each of these puzzle pieces are cut in that uniqueness, every single one of us are playing a different part. And yet you try to take someone else’s part and duplicate it. It’s not going to fit in the puzzle, it’s not going to. It’s not going to fit in the place that you are here to serve.

And how awkward would that puzzle look having that one duplicated piece and then not having the original that belongs in that space? Really think about that, because that’s what’s happening when you’re trying to be someone else. When you’re trying to do what someone else does or you’re trying to repeat what someone else is. We don’t need duplicates, we are originals. We are unique in our own way. And that is what we are here to share with the world.

And so I want to offer you this week to be in the practice of be-coming, of being what is coming right now. You don’t need to fake it. You don’t need to wait and see. You need to be in the actual alignment with what you want and taking action from that belief, from that vision. And that is how we become. We are be-coming what we already are. We’re just releasing all of the conditioning that’s telling us that we’re not. It’s super simple.

So come over to the More Than Mindset group if you want to have a discussion about this. Or better yet, come over to Self Healing Masters because that is where we are chiseling away at the BS. We’re chiseling away at the conditioning, at the patterns, and habits, and behaviors of the past, releasing all of that and becoming what we actually are the practice of. That’s it, that’s what I’ve got for you this week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More than Mindset.