Ep #182: Projection and Self-Reflection

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence Coach Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey there, and welcome back to the show. Guys, I have been on the road for three weeks. I returned last night and let’s just say it was an interesting journey, as are all of the solo travels that I have done. I learn something new about myself every single time. Matter of fact, I learn something new about myself every day that I travel alone.

The weirdest thing is when I keep thinking there’s someone else I need to ask, or please, or inquire about. And then I realize, oh, it’s just me. It’s so weird. When you’re used to being around others it’s just like the polite or kind thing to do to consider the needs, wants, or demands of those that you are present with.

So it was really interesting for the first few days especially, and then I kind of settled in, met a few people, and so then I actually could ask them what want, desired, or needed. Which made the travels a little more interesting.

So what I want to talk about today is something that I had several conversations with on this three week travel. I went to three different places as you know from the previous podcast. I talked about being in Sweden where I did a Human Design immersion with Mary Ann Winiger, it was her final one. She had decided that she was no longer going to be doing these in person. And I was so grateful to have that experience.

I will be bringing some of this into my live workshops, so if you’re interested feel free to send an email, reach out, come to the More Than Mindset Facebook group and ask, you can find me there. But it also brought to my attention when I was at a business training and as well the hypnotherapy conference.

So Hypnothoughts is in Vegas every year, if you recall listening to the podcast from before, you know I was there last year. I actually came back with Covid. It is my Covid anniversary technically. And what we were talking about even in those workshops and amongst peers is projections, and that’s what I’m going to talk about on the show today, is what is projecting?

What does it look like? Why do we do it? And what do we do about it? So projection is when you take something that is inside of you, an emotion, a feeling, a perception, and you place it onto someone else on the outside. So it’s something that you’re thinking, feeling, sensing inside of yourself.

Most of the time it is completely in the subconscious, you do not know that you’re doing this. And then you look out. It’s almost like when we’re looking outside to blame or to maybe even just notice, right? And we tell this story about what’s actually going on inside of us but we put it on as if it were someone else.

So I had an actual experience of this in my time in Vegas where someone was projecting their beliefs, their story onto me. And then accusing me of having this issue. And it was fascinating and I thanked her for giving me the opportunity to self-reflect. And I said I will take that in, I will investigate, I’ll explore. And it turns out actually it still was not my issue.

So it was very interesting, I was open to the conversation where she went on to share with me how she thought I was triggered by something that was said, and I wasn’t. I just couldn’t care less. And when I said that I actually couldn’t care less about what other people do, it wasn’t any of my business, it wasn’t personal, there was nothing that I felt the need to change or judge, that I was actually fine with what other people did.

And it was sort of this I am insulted that you don’t care about people like me. And I’m like, it’s not that I don’t love and care about people like you or other people. It’s that I am not interested in a fight or a defense, or taking a side in an agenda that you feel is important. Like it wasn’t personal to me.

And it gave me a couple of days to really investigate it and it turns out I still don’t care. And that does not mean that I don’t care about people. It means that I don’t care to have an agenda, to have a fight, to have a defense about something that I feel that I need to picket for or go and fight for.

Matter of fact, you guys have heard me many times talk about the suicide rate where I live. And that is something that I used to feel like I had to fight for or I wanted to make sure was exposed and I spoke about. So there maybe was a bit of trigger within myself and it probably came from me being concerned about people that I love that I felt were threatening themselves. And I wanted that to go away. So it was personal to me. Does that make sense?

So projecting is when, let’s say this person is triggered by something that I said and then says that it’s about me. And so this is something in Human Design that is very common with the line 5. So for those of you who are 5/1s, 5/2s it could be something that you experience that people project onto you.

They talk about what you think you should be or who they think you are or what you should do, or anything like that. And it’s kind of weird because you feel judged. You’re like quit judging me or quit acting like you know me or quit telling me what to do or what you think I should do or having an opinion because you’re wrong, you’re seeing me wrong. And so that is projection.

And it’s interesting because I have quite a few clients who are 5/1s and we have this conversation about especially the dynamic between the 6/2 and the 5/1 where they feel projected on and then there’s this projecting back. So there’s a projection field that’s going on.

So think about a time where you maybe were talking about someone else, whether that was judging or comparing or just being in conversation about something that someone else was doing. And the comment would be something like he’s so bossy, or he’s so controlling, or he’s always trying to manipulate and control me and make me do certain things or anything like that.

And this is the exercise that I want you to try this week. When you hear yourself saying that, he, she, or they, anytime you say he, she, or they. They should know better. She shouldn’t do that. She’s a gossip. She’s always talking about people, trying to attract attention. Anything like that, I want you to pause and turn it around to I. Just explore it.

So I did this self-examination and I journaled about it. I talked to myself, I looked at myself in the mirror, I inquired. I spent two days, two full days reflecting on this and walking around the conference and considering where it could be true so that I could do a thorough self-evaluation. And it just wasn’t. It just wasn’t.

And matter of fact, I’m thinking about like in Human Design when we have open definition in the emotion center and defined emotional and this happens also. So what could have happened is that there was an emotional wave coming through me where I was expressing passion or just expressing a thought in general or anything. And this could have like, magnified back in other words.

So she could have felt something that was inside of me that felt like passion or excitement. And it could have, like as she received it, if she were open emotional authority, then she could have received it and then amplified it back at me. So you’ve ever been in one of these situations where there’s a big megaphone and it’s like, wah, that’s what amplifying is.

So an example of that would be I was in a conversation. I was talking about myself, how I think, how I feel, how I consider. I won’t talk about what it is because it’s really not important. It doesn’t matter, you can fit anything in this conversation. And she heard it through her perception with defense. So I’m assuming she might have been a five line being and she might have been open in authority, okay? Just use that as an example.

And she heard the message was open emotional center, felt amplified back, which sounded like a trigger. So you guys know what an emotional trigger is, right? It’s when you see something and it lights up something inside of you and then you want to be reactive. Your first defense is to be reactive. And so that is a trigger.

Something inside of her was triggered by my lack of caring about the topic. She took it personally and then she came at me with full transparency, I mean, we had a great conversation, we talked again after that. But it’s the projection field that I want to share with you because I’m wondering how many of your relationships are threatened because of this, and you think it’s personal.

So, if I could give you a takeaway exercise to investigate, to self-explore, and to ask these questions, who am I judging, he, she, or they? What am I saying about them? And so she was like, you’re judging me, she’s judging me, this girl is not defending me, right, whatever it is. She’s judgmental could have been it.

And if she could have turned that around to where she could have said, I’m judgmental. I’m judgmental because I believe that she should be taking up for me. She should be on my side. She should defend this cause. Can you guys see what I’m saying?

It’s kind of tricky, but projections are tricky. So it’s very much like looking in a mirror. Anything that you bring into your environment, anything that you experience in your life is a reflection of something that is inside of you. And so if you struggle with money stories, with scarcity, with being left behind, with not being seen or heard, these are your stories. And because you believe it, your mind projects it. It’s like a projector, you remember?

I talk about when you tell a story, you write it on a piece of paper, back in grade school you’d put it on the projector and then it’s amplified on the wall. It’s that sort of thing. So a projection is like the projector, the mind, showing you your story back and then you feel it in your body. And then the practical or the literal thing to do is to look at the person in front of you and think it is them.

So that is the projection field. It’s a big reason why people struggle with communication and relationships. And it is very often innocent. It’s coming on a subconscious level. It’s something that the individual has within themselves that they are not ready to face emotionally or mentally. Something they don’t want to see in themselves and so they deny it.

And by projecting it, then the mind can go and focus on it being someone else’s fault. So you kind of become the victim of it, which makes the story feel even realer.

All right, that is what I have for you this week, is we’re talking about projections. I’m giving an example of how this happened with me. And I’m offering you a way to test it out for yourself and to begin to notice when you use he, she, or they in front of judgment or comparison.

When you’re talking about someone else. If you’ll just pause, write it down on a sheet of paper, whatever that is that you’re saying, and then turn it around, flip it and say I. I am being judgmental. I am not supportive. I am a danger to society. I’m asking for too much attention, whatever it is.

I remember being in a situation where she doesn’t see me, she doesn’t understand me, I’m talking about my coach. She doesn’t see what I’m talking about. She’s not helping me. She doesn’t get what I’m talking about. And it was very painful because I felt rejection, I felt unseen and unheard.

And when I turned it around, I was like, oh, I don’t see me. I don’t understand me. I am not claiming my own gifts and skills. I am not. It was nothing to do with her at all. It’s actually not her business to accept me or to pat me on the back or to be excited for anything. None of that is her responsibility.

It is all my responsibility to see me, to acknowledge me, to feel confident about me and what I offer, all my responsibility So that is a gift when someone quits people pleasing, when someone quits trying to validate. Quit making excuses, quit projecting, quit expecting anything like that to be coming from outside of yourself and start going in and giving it to yourself.

You want more love in your relationship? Love yourself more. You want more approval? Approve of yourself. You want less judgment? Quit judging. It’s super simple.

All right, come over to the More Than Mindset group, let’s discuss, or onto my Facebook page, whatever. I would prefer to see you in the More Than Mindset Facebook group. And bring up the topic, hey, I tried the exercise. This is pretty cool, I am now liberated because I can release the judgment myself. I am empowered, I feel confident, and I am responsible for my experience on every level. So much gratitude for that, guys. It’s one of the greatest gifts. So here’s to a great week for you. Hope you have a good one.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.