Ep #162: Recipe for Courage

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Hello, and welcome back to the More Than Mindset Show. This week, I am talking about courage. Courage, as in, I’m going to read you the definition, you’re ready for it? The ability to do something that frightens. So, so many of us believe that you have to wait until you feel courageous, right? You have to wait until you feel, I hear so many clients say this, it’s like, I’m not ready yet. I don’t have the confidence yet. I don’t feel that daring. I’m not courageous. I’m not ready to do it.

But here’s the part that I really want you to understand, is courage is the byproduct of doing it afraid. So courage is the thing that is created from the action that you take while you’re afraid. What? That’s fascinating, right? Isn’t that great news? So courage is also strength in the face of pain or grief.

So what does that mean? You’re not waiting for courage, you’re not waiting for that feeling of courage. You actually create courage through doing. It’s a practice. So it’s something that you attain by getting better at being uncomfortable. Wouldn’t you agree?

So that’s what I want to talk about this week because I see so many entrepreneurs, so many coaches and practitioners that are not taking the first step. And it’s because they think they lack in courage. But the misinformation is that courage has to come first, or is that courage can be like bought, right?

So it’s like, I can buy somebody to write my copy, I can buy somebody to get my audience, I can buy somebody to do Facebook ads so I can get in front of more people. But actually, the courage is something that’s already inside of you and you bring it to the surface when you take action. Crazy, right? And yet, what’s the first thing that happens when you go to put yourself out there? When you go to push the play button? When you push live, or record, or post, what’s the first thing that happens?

Your brain shoots out these chemicals. Then you have this response in your body. And then your mind makes up a story about the response in your body and you go into freeze or fawn mode. Can you all agree? Is there anybody here that disagrees that that’s how it happens?

When you go to have the uncomfortable conversation, when you raise your hand, when you go to ask the question. When you put your face on your business and tell the world who you are and what problem you solve, right? You feel the fear. You feel the sensation moving through the body.

And it takes about two seconds and then your mind starts telling you stories about I’m going to die. This is the worst thing ever. My friend from fifth grade is here watching me. What is my mom going to think, right? That’s all of the stuff that’s coming from the mind. Got it? That’s where the fear is coming from.

And so courage comes from being aware of that happening, noticing the thoughts, noticing the sensation, feeling what it feels like in your body, it typically feels like heat, right? Because that’s shame. Shame feels like heat. The heat starts to rise, your neck gets red, your face gets red, and your heart starts pulsating. You feel a little bit of anxiety, right? That’s the fear, that’s what we relate to is fear.

But the story that your mind tells you about dying, or making a fool of yourself, or not being able to get up out of flounder mode, right? Those are the things that’s actually the response or the reaction of the internal dialogue that you could fail. That failure is even like a problem. What if it’s not a problem?

What if no one liking your stuff, no one signing up, someone talking about you is just part of the process? If you don’t begin to attain courage now, then you’re never going to get to the part to where you go out and live your dream. Where you go out and help other people. Where you create an impact in the world, that you let the world know that you were even here.

That courage comes from just taking one little step even though you’re feeling these sensations in your body. Even though your mind is telling stories. It’s one step, write out the notes, the memos, the bullets, bullet points of what you’re about to say, that’s a step.

And even that can create sensations in the body. But that’s the first step. It’s like I’m going to write what I’m going to talk about. Don’t do it like me coming up here with no plan, right? So those bullet points can guide you.

And then you put your makeup on, you show up on camera, you make sure everything’s in place. Then when you go to push record, it comes up all over again. So I’m going to give you a little technique about how to create courage, okay? So stick around, not going to be here much longer.

So once you hit play, or record, or post and these sensations come up again, you stay. You just stay with it and you notice. You feel the heat, you feel the flush, because that is the process of creating courage. It’s the recipe, it’s part of it, right? It’s like when you’re making a cake, you don’t want to lose parts of it, you want all of it. You want to take out the box, you want to take out the eggs, you want to take out the oil, or the water, or the butter, whatever it is, all of the parts of it. That’s part of the process.

Well, pushing play, feeling the heat, freaking out, it’s all part of the recipe, recipe for courage. Don’t wait on courage, go and build it, go and create it. It’s like making mud pies, you need water and dirt and you mix it together. So you need fear and action, you mix it together, that’s going to produce the courage that you need. It comes from the action.

So here I go, as promised I’m going to give you a little hint of how to go through this. So let’s say you show up, you’re freaking out, you have anxiety, you’re feeling stressed, you’re a little confused, you might have some brain fog. You’re thinking of all the people who are going to see this, who are going to laugh at you, who are going to make fun, who are going to see you fall on your face. Part of the recipe, right? Notice it.

And when you start thinking of all those people, I want you to make a list. Take your paper and your pen, write down who those people are. I dare you to do this because those people are anywhere from two to five people and they’re probably the people who love you the most. It’s fascinating once you call your brain out on this.

So you’ll take out your paper and your pencil, you’ll write down who are they, the people that you think are going to laugh at you. And then I want to tell you something, if they have advanced beyond you, if they are successful, successful people don’t laugh at people. Successful people help bring other people up because they’ve already attained it, okay? So recognize that.

And then the people that you love so much that you’re afraid about what they think or what they say, those people love you. Block them, it’s going to stop you from doing it, just block them. Or tell them.

I tell my kids this, I was like, “Hey, you might want to quit following me on social media because I’ve just opened the gate and I’m going out there and I’m not planning on stopping anytime soon. It’s on my time what happens, what my grandchildren see by what I do and the example that I set. So I’m not stopping. I love you and I love them more. So I’m going to do this anyway. Just don’t look at me.” Right?

So you warn the people that you love. But here’s the best part, when you go to push the button, you already have your outline, you’ve already freaked out, but you’re going to continue taking action, you’re going to move forward. You’re going to hit live, or post, or whatever it is. This sensation is going to come up, okay, stay with me right here. I’m going to give you this three simple steps of what to do.

Feel it come up. Notice it. Stay, stay, stay. Don’t jump, don’t kill it, don’t stop it. Just stay and notice and see if you can detect what those thoughts are. See if you can notice them. Be open to explore. Investigate, right? Oh, that’s what I’m worried about. Mm-hmm. Gosh, yeah, I can feel that.

Stay here. Stay here with me. This is a total of 90 seconds. You stop, you begin to explore. You start unraveling, picking the layers apart, detecting. You become a detective and you’re a fact finder, you’re looking for facts. Is this true? Is that just an old story? Is that something that my mind is saying?

And you stay long enough until it dissolves. I swear to you 90 seconds and then you push the button. And when you feel it again you can do this even quicker. It’s like, hold on, I’m not going to die. I feel the discomfort. I notice it’s feeling awfully warm. My mind is telling me I’m going to die. I’m going to make a fool out of myself, and people are going to laugh at me. I’m going to make a mistake and they’re going to point fingers.

Notice that those are just past experiences, maybe things that happened in grade school or in your family growing up. Just notice. Oh, there’s an imprint in my body somewhere that’s recreating this story of unsafety and I’m reliving that past experience. This is you exploring, you opening to explore. I’m willing to stay here and see what else is true. Hmm, fact finding.

Here’s a fact, I am meant to do this work. I know I can help people. My soul is craving to serve. These are facts, right? I’ve got the desire to serve. I know I want to help people. I know I can help people. I know I have past experiences and I’ve figured things out, and there are people suffering that could use the tools and the information because they’ve been misinformed also. So I can help them correct that so they get the correct information.

Notice and notice how your body starts to settle down. How you start to feel calmer. Because when we start to serve, when we take ourselves away from us, when we take ourself out of the equation and we show up for someone else, we show up for a bigger why, we show up in service, then those things don’t matter anymore.

That’s just self-preservation, the reaction is self-preservation. That’s it. That is like ego and the self trying not to be seen, not to be heard because there is an unconscious or subconscious story that that is unsafe.

So if you want to show up online, if you want to feel clear and certain and courageous, they come from acting even though you’re fearing. It comes from taking an action while you’re feeling afraid. That is the recipe for courage. You need all of the ingredients.

You need a circumstance where you’re having to do something that is uncomfortable, you need the feeling and the sensation of fear because that is what your brain produces to keep you alive. And you need the plan. You need to know what the next step is.

And then use the process that I just showed you. You take the one step, you stay, you find facts, you open yourself to feeling the discomfort. And then you take the action anyway. And baby, you are just like cranking out the courage, you can bottle and juice this stuff.

I am so courageous because my mission and my vision are so much bigger than me. I am not here, this is just the thing that I do in order to get the thing that I want. This is irrelevant, this discomfort is irrelevant. Because what’s relevant is the why is so strong, and my passion is so strong, and my desire to serve is so strong.

And what happens to my grandchildren, the future for my kids and grandkids and their kids is so strong that I don’t have time to focus on these feelings. I only have time to focus on the action that’s going to take me closer. That is courage. And I want to offer it to you today. Notice what is the fear? I am afraid of… I am afraid that… I am afraid because…

Be willing to ask yourself those questions and just let it float from pen to paper. That is the power of the pen, is just let that move through you so that you can come back to your why, so you can come back to your mission, so you can come back to that desire to serve.

Guys, we spend a whole lot of time healing ourself. And then we get to a point to where we have so much that we can help other people with. But these stories keep you stuck and stop you from helping other people. And so you have to call it out, you have to recognize it. And you have to be willing to move through it, if ever you want to get on the other side of it.

And then one day, before you know it, you’re right here live on podcasts, and YouTube’s, and Facebook, and Instagram. And it just goes away, it just gets better with the practice. I promise you, it’s that easy. So I want to hear about your experience trying this process. If you’re not in the More Than Mindset group, come on over.

If you are in business or you’re looking to start your business, I want to tell you about the Business Lift-Off Workshop. I do this on a monthly basis and I take you through the who, how, what. We get really clear about who you help, about creating the package or the offer and knowing how to speak the language of the people that you serve.

Because there’s a lot of this that is creating that conflict because you’re not clear. You’re not clear. And so you’re in conflict and chaos and you’re not moving forward because of that. So get some help from someone who’s doing it. That workshop is $27, I’m there live with you. I help you personally. You’ve got to check it out.

And then we extend the work into E-School. So there is no reason that you are not getting the help for yourself if this is what you want to do. If this is your soul source, if this is the agreement between self and source, and this is what you want to do, there’s nothing standing in the way but you moving through these fickle feelings and this mental chaos, the mental constructs that come up for you.

Get some help. Get some help from someone who has done it, someone who can help other people do it. Do yourself a favor. And if you know anyone who needs to hear this, please share. Share it on social media, hashtag More Than Mindset. I will find you, I will thank you, I see you, I hear you and I would love to have your help in creating an impact in this world.

People need us right now, more than ever. We were a mess two years ago, we’re a bigger mess now. Humanity is a mess, they don’t know what to do, they don’t know what’s next. That includes me. I’ve just figured out some of the tools to help me move through it in a more easeful way. And let’s just pass that on, and help other people because we don’t have to suffer. It might be uncomfortable, but we don’t have to suffer through it.

We can move through it with courage because now we have the recipe. The recipe is I am afraid and I’m going to take action anyway. And that will produce courage. Courage, because courage is the bridge to confidence. See how they all connect? So don’t try to go feel confident, don’t go try to buy courage. Do the process, attain it for yourself. Then you’ll know how to do it again and again and again.

All right, I love you all. Thank you for joining. Share with someone who needs to hear it.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.