Ep #258: Seat of Success

In this episode of More Than Mindset, I’m talking about ‘the seat of success’ concept, a state where one consistently embraces, maintains and retains successful results.

Many people, particularly women, struggle with maintaining the state of success because of worthiness issues or unresolved trauma, often causing a self-sabotage pattern in various areas of life like weight, money, and business. 

The solution is acknowledging these patterns and taking responsibility to continue to have success. 

What You’ll Learn:

  • The three crucial steps of development: Believing (be), Taking Action (do), and Receiving Results (have). 

  • The importance of nurturing and protecting your belief, especially when facing criticism or doubt from others. 

  • How to handle anxiety from success, fear of outgrowing one’s circle, and maintaining success without self-sabotage. 

Tune in to and share this episode so we can all appreciate and maintain our success! 

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Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

Ep #258: Seat of Success

Welcome to More Than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

  ​Hey there and welcome back to the show. Just so you know, it is freezing in Louisiana. My, my car was here at work with me yesterday  and I left about 7 15 last night and didn’t realize it had been drizzling and I have this big thick. chunk of ice across my windshield  and on the porch in the steps. It was a little scary getting out of here and it did not defrost overnight.

So I drove across the yard with my head out the window because I still can’t see in front of my, like out of my windshield. Not used to that. down south. So wherever you are, I’m pretty sure it’s a little cooler, if not freezing for you also. So stay warm and cozy. It’s even a little warm in here. I had a heater at my feet, but I didn’t want the noise to distract you as I was recording.

So I turned it off and I’ve,  I’ve got the chills. So  this is what I want to talk about this week.  The seat of success. I have been thinking about this for a few weeks. I’m going to tell you a little bit about what, what I’m talking about  and how it might show up in your life and then what to do about it.

Does that sound fair? So the seat of success is when you’re in the position Of like receiving. So you’ve had the idea, you’ve, you were in belief, you took action and then you started getting traction  and you started getting results and then something happened. Have you ever experienced that before? Maybe you start putting some ads out or posts or emails and you start getting some attention  and then it’s almost like it just suddenly disappears.

Do you think that’s like a mystery?  Because let me tell you something. We create that the same way we created the traffic. We also create the pause.  I know, right? So  the seat of success. is how to  have, hold, contain, like how to keep the results. So first you have an idea.  I think this is something that can help other people.

I believe that this is a service that could provide something that someone is looking for, right? That’s how we get into the business to start off with. We have an idea, and then we We have to get ourself in belief. We have to sell ourself. We have to convince yourself it’s important. People are going to want it.

It’s going to be so fun. I want to do it. It’s going to be fun to get a return on this idea. Like all of that has to happen first. So the riches begin with a thought.  That’s the beginning.  Then we have to take action.  And what I called a line action is when you have the idea. And the belief that you can do it with the action that you take.

So all three of those components are moving through at the same time.  A lot, a lot of times, a lot of people, especially new practitioners and coaches and business owners  have an idea  and then you get unsold on the idea when someone tells you no, or when your family and friends don’t approve or someone doesn’t understand you.

They’re like, that’s a terrible idea. No one’s ever going to buy it. You’re crazy. They unsell you and it happens so often you don’t even notice. We get unsold when someone else doesn’t believe the way that we believe unless.  Our belief is solid unless it is anchored in your driver, unless it is like that vision is locked, sealed, protected, like you have it on guard the same way you would an infant.

Imagine you just had this brand new baby. And you are protecting it from the world. You’re protecting it from someone who might hurt it. You’re protecting it from the wind, from the cold. Like your job is to protect this infant because it can’t protect itself yet. It hasn’t, it isn’t strong enough yet. It doesn’t have the skills to do that.

Well, your belief is the same way. So  you have the idea, you have the vision, you know, like you can see the future with it.  And then the belief has to come from a seat from some kind of wanting or desire that’s inside of you. And you have to grow that so it consumes you.  You have to be completely soul guys, because There are so many naysayers out there, there’s so many quitters, there’s so many normal people, there’s so many settlers that don’t understand you.

They don’t see the vision you have. They are not creatives. They are not daredevils. They’re not here to break the norms and create something new or bring something new into the world. They’re not you.  And I see this as throwing diamonds to the swine. So you have this beautiful gem, this idea, this belief, and you just walk by the pig pen and you just throw it and they just stomp all over it.

They don’t see the value, they don’t understand it, they don’t believe it’s anything important or relevant. They just stomp all over it, they might even chew on it and then poop it out. That is what a lot of your family and friends Do, and it dilutes your belief and it unsettles you. So you have to be aware of it.

So the seat of success is how can you contain the belief long enough, be,  but be, do, have.  How can you be in belief? It’s your beingness. This only requires you, by the way, no one else has to believe you at this point.  And then the doing, that is when you show up and you take the action and you trip on your own feet and you put up posts that suck and you get declined and you get denied, but you keep doing, you keep doing, you keep doing, you keep doing.

You’re like that infant that is now learning how to crawl, right? They’re kind of pushing bands back and forth. They’re falling. They’re growing their muscles. They’re a little wobbly. They’re weak.  That’s happening in the do part. So,  the infant grows into this little toddler, sees other people doing this thing that it doesn’t know how to do yet, it believes it can do it too.

It starts to take the action, it stands up, it holds on to the sofa, right, it has support. You gotta do that for yourself, you gotta anchor that in yourself. I believe I can walk, I can believe I can walk. Do you know any children that did not continue? Believing they could walk,  see  the problem is we think it’s different when we’re an adult, but it’s not.

You have to be wobbly. You have to fall down. You got to get back up. You got to rock back and forth to take off all of that stuff to happen. You have to hold on. You have to anchor to the sofa, to the table, to the belief, to your mom, to your dad, whatever it is. You have to anchor and hold on until it’s strong enough  to go on autopilot.

And sometimes that takes. Gosh, three, four, eight, 10, 12, 20 years in my case, 20 years, I’ve had this vision for over 20 years.  And then, so that’s be and then do is the rocking and the walking and the holding on. You do it even though someone else says you can’t do it. Can you imagine if you looked at your, your 11  month old and said, stop it, you little dummy.

That’s a stupid idea. Of course you can’t walk. You’ll never walk.  Would you do that? Well, don’t do it to yourself.  Even though other people are ignorant and they might do it, you don’t be the one who does it. You let that go.  And the last step is to have. And that’s when they actually walk all the way across the living room.

It’s when you start getting the results, when people start paying you, when you start getting an overload of clients, and then you got a new problem. That’s a having part. Can you have long enough to create new problems?  Because as soon as that kid starts walking, they are creating  new problems. You’re carrying it around.

You’re like, Oh my God, I can’t wait till she can walk. And then here she is. She starts walking. You believe long enough. You supported it long enough. Now she’s walking. What’s the new problem? My God, she touches everything. She falls off the porch. She takes off without me. She runs in the store, right?

Creating new problems are a good thing. It means that you are growing. So  the having is to continue to believe that you can walk, to continue to believe that you can create more business, that you can help more people, that you can create more impact, that you can offer more products. Like, Oh, if I can do this, I can do this too.

Oh, now that I’ve learned how to do this, what if I did this, right? Think about the child, learned how to walk. Now it’s going to run. And then what? Maybe go to tumbling class. Maybe play basketball. Like, what else can I do? I wonder what else I can do. And then we start like to use our brain. We get in school, we start creating things, masterpieces. 

We start art projects. I wonder what else I can do.  It is human nature to grow and evolve. It’s only. Limited perceptions that have stopped you from believing that. So the be, do, have cycle is believing and being in the belief,  doing and take the action before you get the results. So a lot of us think, well, if they answer the post, if they give me the money, if I get the clients, if I get the results, then I’m going to be able to, that doesn’t work that way.

You’ve got it out of order. This is like universal policies and principles and processes and laws, okay? You can’t break them.  It’s always been this way, it’ll always be that way. You can look at puppies, you can look at plants, you can look at gardens, you can look all around the universe and you will see it is how creation works.

So don’t go against it, go with it.  So that you can sit in the success, the seat of success to contain it.  I call this havingness, the ability to have  without checking out of it.  I was talking to one of my mentors last week, Brooke Castillo at the Life Coach School. And, I came on and we were having a conversation about success and I told her how much her success scared me because I hear all the negativity, I hear all, like, like, people talk shit on Oprah or on anybody, anybody that is in the public view.

You’re going to be talked about and how much that has scared me when I see successful people like being talked about, being put down. You know, it’s like, it’s all about the money. They don’t, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, it’s like, they just want to do that. And you hear all of that stuff and they unsell you.

They unsell you on your bigness. They unsell you on your belief because you’re afraid that happens to you. But anyway, when we were talking about this, she was saying, you know, I think it’s more prominent for women because men just celebrate their success. It’s like expected, right? The more money they make, their high five, the more clients they actually compete and laugh at each other.

But women, women are so insecure and they just like put each other down and they’re, they don’t celebrate your success. That’s why I created boss up because I wanted a room where we not only celebrated success, we expect success. Like, yes, let’s get more of it. Like why settle? So, because I wanted that room for myself. 

Anyway, when Brooke and I were talking, she was saying how our nervous system gets dysregulated. It’s like we’re taken out of like our norm of like being the caretaker, the nurturer and belonging. We’re like the one that like holds the relationships together, right? And we nurture and we care for our children and our people.

It’s like in our brain. And so when you’re excited. Exceeding others, especially other women and that success is happening. You really have a hard time having and containing because your nervous system starts firing off and your brain’s like unsafe, unsafe, unsafe. They’ll hate you. They’re not going to talk to you.

They’re going to talk shit on you. Here it comes. You better watch out. They’re going to leave you. Right? And I was like, that is so true. It’s such a big reason. Why I have been afraid of bigger success, because it has happened. It’s happened on a small level. And so I try to protect and prevent it, or my brain is telling me you should protect and prevent that from happening again, because you’re going to lose all of your friends.

No one’s going to talk to you. Your family’s going to hate you. They’re all going to unfollow you on Facebook and no one is going to your funeral. Like, those are the stories that come out of my head on a regular basis. And then I realized I was talking to someone, I think it was Mary Ann Winogar, who’s, I’ve got several men  what do you call them? 

Mentors, by the way. Luckily, I feel very, very fortunate that I have great mentors.  And she was like, well, you are in it alone. We all are, you are going to die alone. That is true.  Even if you die amongst other people, you’re still like, this is a personal journey. And Brooke also said the same thing. She said, not doing it.

Like creates more suffering, not being successful, not getting what I want, not doing what I want is more painful. And, you know, she says, no one could be meaner to me than I was to myself. And so I’m willing, I’m willing to let people say that and do that. Cause it’s not any worse. Then what I told myself most of my life until I realized I didn’t have to do that anymore.

And I feel like that is so true. I am so mean to myself. Like,  would you talk to an infant the way you talk to yourself? Would you talk to a three year old, your niece or nephew or neighbor the way that you talk to yourself? You know, about why do you keep falling down? Why don’t you just like pick that up?

Why do you keep doing that? Like, why do you keep fucking up? Like, why would we do that to ourselves?  We hear ourselves. We hear everything that we’re saying and doing. So, back to the seat of the success.  When you do get that first taste of success, whatever that is to you, maybe it is the healed relationship. And then the minute there’s an argument again, you’re like, oh yeah, I knew that would never work.

I knew that couldn’t stick. Of course, right? If you catch yourself saying stuff like that, then know that you are out of the seat of success. Your nervous system could not regulate to having. There’s something in your system that has a I would, more a worthiness issue. Like  it’s okay for me to have, I’m good enough to have.

And most of that comes from our ignorant parents and teachers and people in society who hated themselves. And they spoke to us that way. It was just a mirror. They were just speaking to themselves. They were ignorant. They didn’t know better. No one had ever told them. No one had ever shown them. And so that’s literally how they talk to themselves.

And so when we would frustrate them or trigger them, it’s how they talk to us. And so if you can see that from neutrality, like take yourself out of it, pull back and look, look at the big picture and realize that wounded people wound people. So  once you have that recognition.  And put yourself in that position of would I talk to a three year old that way?

How would you talk to a three year old? How would you encourage them? And that’s how you can help yourself to continue having. So first you have the vision. You imagine that it’s possible. You dream about it. You have to feel it by the way. And so if you have turned off your emotions, because you’ve got unresolved trauma, you may have a hard time feeling and imagining know that we, we do have coaches who help with that.

That’s why I am a mind body coach, because it was the thing that was stopping me from success is I wasn’t able to regulate my nervous system. And it was because of the unresolved triggers and traumas. that were in in my psyche, but also in my body and the cells and tissues and you know, that’s just how it works.

We are having a human experience and we live this life through the vehicle of the body. And so our subconscious and unconscious is like actually showing up in our life, in our bedroom, our bank account, in our bodies.  That might be too much for some of you. Sorry, let me take it back and come back to the seat of success. 

So, you have a dream, a vision, maybe you’ve had it since you were a kid, you kind of forgot about it, tucked it away in the bottom drawer because you never thought you would get it, right? That dream. And now you see, like, someone else has done it and you’re like, Dang it! I knew I should have! Why didn’t I just trust myself?

Is that you? That is so me.  I’m like, oh my God!  They’re doing it and people are listening to them! I remember that when I went to 10X Ladies and Elena Cardone. She was like talking about restoring  the family unit, and like I was like, what, she’s like 1500 people sitting here and no one got up and left.

Why aren’t they saying, why aren’t they listening to me? And that’s when I realized I was talking to people who didn’t understand or who didn’t want what I wanted, but I had turned my dream off. And when I heard her say it, it gave me permission to continue believing it. And I was like, well, hell, I’m just going to join forces with people who’ve already done it.

I don’t care if I lead it. I just want to be a part of it. Like, I don’t want to leave this world without creating a generational impact. That is extremely important to me. I came from a broken dysfunctional family and my children came from brokenness. And like I have stepchildren who I’ve known and loved since I’m 19 years old.

It’s like been amazing that they allowed me to be their mother, but I was  trying to raise five children  when I never had a mother. I didn’t know how to hell, how to do that. I remember saying who put me in charge of this, right? So I know I’m, I’m on a little tangent here, but I want to, I want to help you understand.

What’s happening and why you keep popping out of the success that you want. And it’s because we’re afraid to dream too big and we’re afraid to have too much because then that puts us back in that trauma response. It puts us back in that disconnection or that dysfunction. And it’s because we don’t know how to handle it.

We don’t know how to regulate it. We don’t know how to. Stay in the seat of having this, the seat of success. So  today I just wanted to bring it to your attention so that you can maybe understand why you can’t regulate your bank account, like why you can’t get ahead, why you can’t keep the weight off. and why clients don’t keep coming in.

So you’ll do something. You’re in belief. They start coming, the weight starts coming off, the money starts coming in, the relationship starts getting better, and then something stops it. You have to understand. That there is something in you that is creating that and if you can take full responsibility for that and be willing to do the work,  then you can get beyond it and then you will be in the seat of success.

So come to boss up,  reach out, send me an email, say, what are you talking about? I want to know more about it. Right now you can get two weeks free. So if you will, we’ll put the link in the show notes. Come and try it out and see if it’s for you. If you want to stay, stay. If you want to leave, there’s no risk.

Just come and try it and see if sitting in a room with people who believe you and see you as your future self and see you having and holding the seat of success. If that feels better for you, if that feels easier and more doable, that is my vision of what I want to create. And just like when I’m talking to my mentors and realize that they had a vision too, and they didn’t think it was possible either.

And knowing that other people before me have had the same fears come up and they ejected it also, but they helped to create the path for us to keep going. That’s why I think it’s so important that we do have. Coaches and mentors and guides and helpers and healers. It’s extremely important. We are not meant to do this alone.

Although we will die alone, we are doing it alone with others. That’s how I see it. So let me know if this relates, if you’ve seen this happen in your life, like whether it’s in your relationships, in your weight, in your money, in clients or your business, maybe you’re in a direct sales company, but you can’t ever get to the top. 

You, you have just enough success to like, man, this, like, this is good. This is better than working. This is better than it was like, all right, I got the 10 pounds off. This is better now that my jeans are looser, but it’s not really what you want. Does that make sense? If you continue to hit that,  reach out, let me help you.

The, one of the books that I have read that has helped with this is the big leap because I always like to give you resources. If you are a DIY  er the big, big leap talks about like that glass ceiling, the upper limits. And what’ll happen is you might get like 2, 000 in the bank and you’re like, okay, I got a little nest egg.

I want to grow it to 10, but you’d never get beyond, like you get close and then something happens.  And you think it’s life, but I’m telling you there’s something in you to the degree that you agree you’re not worthy of having it.  It’s not safe to have it. That is what’s happening. And then you’re creating that.

And I know some people think that is retarded, but it’s true. It is not retarded. It is how it works. These are laws, principles, spiritual laws. Like we are spiritual beings. We are here on soul purposes and assignments And we’re having an experience in this material world that we can have it be good or bad However, we choose however, we believe and I’m not gonna argue with you So if you don’t agree, just don’t share the podcast and don’t talk to anyone else.

But if you do want a better life And you do agree that maybe there is some truth here for you, then take the next step. Come a little closer. Share it with someone if you feel like it’s something that you want to share. Or better than that, don’t share it with anyone. And take care of yourself. Do it for you.

Because that’s another habit  that has to do with the seat of success. Is you read a book, you get a concept, you get some kind of ah ha, and then you can’t contain it. You gotta go tell everybody else and then they all reject you. And that cycle continues and continues. And it’s your inability to have. I, I talk to my clients about this all the time.

We will have these very deep intimate sessions and they’re like mind blown. And I was like, go and tell no one. Even Jesus said that, go and tell no one, because they will take your belief away. And if they take your belief away, they take you out of the seat of success. And so, some people think that’s a cult, they think it’s control, they think it’s, yeah, whatever.

I love control. I want to be in control. I want to control my own belief. I want to control the fact that I can stay in the seat of success. I want to control my mind. I don’t want anything coming into my mind that is going to unsell me or put me in disbelief. So I don’t want to hear what’s going on on the TV.

I don’t want to hear what’s going on in social media. Say whatever stupid stuff you want to say. I don’t have to take it into my brain. I realize that this is like an infant up here. It’s so fragile and innocent. It is so open. And you guys really need to understand that if you want to create something else in your life, you’re going to have to do something different.

You’re going to have to believe something different in order to have something different, but it starts with being. So think B E belief  doing is the action B do  and have is a whole nother process. And there are several steps to first having like first receiving it. Some of you shut it down. You can’t even receive it.

You can’t even hear it. I know because I work with some of you and you cannot even hear my belief in you.  You’re in such denial of your own brilliance that you can’t hear it because you’re so used to hearing whatever the crappy thought was whenever you were younger and then you continue the dialogue and you continue attracting relationships that keep telling you that and now you won’t believe someone who believes in you.

It’s sad, but it happens. But if you can be aware of it. It’ll be uncomfortable, but then you’ll open yourself to be able to receive, to receive the compliments, to be able to receive the belief, the excitement, the possibility, the potential. It’s a beautiful thing, but it does feel like death  because you’ve got to die to what is not true.

 

You have to die. You have to unlearn. And it feels like you’re giving up your, it’s like you were kind of giving up your identity. This is how you  reinvent yourself, basically.  It’s totally worth it. But just so you know, I had a lot of uncomfortable years in order to get here. And now that I’m here, ain’t nobody taking it.

I’m gonna sit. Right here in the seat of success, I’m going to hold and I’m going to have, and when I bounce out, I’m going to make sure that I have the tools and that I use the tools and the communities and the mentors and the people who do believe to strap me back down. And so buckle up buttercup, put your seatbelt on so that you can stay in the seat.

It’s going to be uncomfortable. You’re going to fight,  you might scream and holler, you might break out, you might have all kinds of physical conditions start showing up in your body, but you just stay there. And you will acclimate, your nervous system will acclimate to receiving to having to holding to containing and you will get what you want, but you have to you, you have to be committed. 

And you have to be disciplined and you got to quit jumping out of the seat and go crying back at the note the non believers You got to quit going back to that pacifier You got to quit going back to hiding and being a victim and screaming about it and blaming other people You got to come back to the seat put in the strap take responsibility for what you’re creating Find some support people who have the ability to receive to believe in you if you’re talking to people who don’t believe in themselves How can they believe in you boo? 

You know what I mean?  All right. Have an amazing week. I’m going to get out there and go find some more bosses to interview. If you happen to be over six figures, seven or eight figures, and you have done something amazing in the world, you are a business owner, you’re an investor. Maybe you have the welfare to wealth story.

I would love to hear from you. Send an email. If you know someone who you would love to hear being interviewed on the show, then send me their name information or ask someone on their team to reach out because I am currently looking for more people to interview that have bossed up.

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