Welcome to More than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion, to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.
Hey there and welcome back. I have another guest for you today, her name is Candy Leigh. Candy is a client in Self Healing Masters. And she’s also been working with Peggy who is our integrative spirituality coach in the community. And we’re talking about her experience in Self Healing Masters and doing the work, the actual Punch-Line Approach, how she’s utilizing it in her life, changing her career, basically reinventing herself.
And we’re talking about the impact that the work has had on her life. How Self Healing Masters has really opened her up to another aspect of herself. Really tapping in and getting to know that inner essence and coming to a place of being, being all of her. And that’s really the whole focus of today’s show is to introduce Self Healing Masters and Candy. She’s a published author and the work that we are doing together. So I hope you enjoy the show.
Welcome back to the show, this is the More Than Mindset podcast and YouTube channel. And we decided to go live today where we would actually be on video because Candy has some really cool stuff on her life that we’re talking about in Self Healing Masters and the integrative coach approach that Candy has been working through. And I just want to kind of share her experience and also talk about how she’s using it to evolve in her life. So just tell us a little bit about you, Candy.
Candy: I think the easiest way to talk about myself is to say how I came to meet you. So I’m going to just share that journey. So I am a Midwesterner and was a corporate employee for about 20 years. And at the beginning of 2019 I wound up having a back surgery. And after I had that back surgery I was going through some physical therapy, and acupuncture and other things. And when I was at my acupuncture I actually wound up being introduced through my acupuncturist to a woman named Peggy.
And it was a wonderful experience talking with her. Peggy did some healing, Reiki work and other things with me. Through Peggy I actually came to meet you, Kim and the whole Self Healing Masters group. But to add some color and flavor around that, after my back surgery I went back on my very first day back to work to my corporate career and was laid off on that very first day. And so I spent a little bit of time wondering what the heck am I going to do? Who am I? I’ve spent 20 years here, this brand is me. I am a part of this.
We used to say I bleed blue because the colors for the company were blue and gold. It really took me some time to figure out what my next steps in life were going to be. So right after I got laid off I spent some time really thinking about it and reflecting on that. And so I decided I was going to write a book. I was going to combine my passions of travel, and connecting with people, and writing. And I was going to basically do my version of what my dream travel blog career might have been.
And so I went on a road trip, started to talk to some people and collect their stories. And that turned into a whole long journey inward of reflection of what my life has been and what my purpose really is and so I wrote a book about it. And my meeting with Peggy was actually a really integral part of that story and how it came together. So that’s a little bit more color around who I am and what my journey has been.
Kim: So tell us about your book. What’s the basis of the book?
Candy: Yeah. So my book is called Finding Life In Between: A Journal For Me, To You. And the basis, the idea was that when I was on this road trip I would be sort of energetically connected to people that I would meet along the way. I mapped out some different milestones and road stops on this week long journey to somewhere south. I figured I would end up somewhere around the Carolinas. I didn’t know for sure.
As I met people at these different stops and I started talking with them about their stories and how did they get to this point in their lives? And what brought them to our meeting in that day. What happened was it would trigger for me other ideas about oh my gosh, how does that impact me and my life? What are the experiences that I’ve had that maybe I need to learn from or that others could learn from?
And so as I went on this journey, maybe three days in I realized I was writing more about kind of a memoire, self help and memoire as opposed to a journal of connections of other people and what makes us all connected in this human experience. And I remember calling my publisher and saying, “This is not what we agreed to. I don’t know if I’m right. I don’t know what to do.” And she literally said, “The moon is in Leo right now, it’s a time for reflection, just go with it and the right thing will happen.” So that’s kind of how the book came together after I wrote it.
It just took a couple of weeks to write once I got in that zone, the writing came pretty quickly, but it was the editing that took more time. So anybody who’s listening whose thinking about writing a book, it’s that editing that’s a beast. Because that’s where you have to really put in and make sure that it’s the right product. That’s very iterative. But then alongside of that because the book has a lot of sharp, raw, vulnerable moments included in it, I really had to emotionally get ready to let it go.
At one point I thought forget it, I’m not doing this, this is too much. I’m not doing it. I can’t. And a friend of mine literally came to me and we were talking about it. And he said to me, “People are hungry for the truth right now. You have to tell your truth in this book. So if you can’t tell the truth then what good are you?” And it was kind of a wake-up call for me to say, “You know what? Yes, there’s power in the vulnerability. There’s magic in the stories that we all have in all of our truths.” And so I went with it, that’s what the book is about.
Kim: You can get it on Amazon, I know even I’ve seen it on your page, you have book page.
Candy: Yeah. Amazon, Target, Wal-Mart, you can order from any of them right now.
Kim: So Candy came into my world through one of my clients, her name is Peggy. Peggy is an integrative spirituality coach. And you met Peggy like you’re saying, in your journey. She’s part of chapter three. And that’s really – I want to get your take on, because you’ve been in the coaching world, in the corporate world, a lot of the personal transformation and growth, business growth for over 20 years. What was different for you when Peggy introduced you to this approach or when you came into Self Healing Masters? Let’s just kind of talk about the integrative approach.
Candy: So as you were mentioning I have coaching experience for 15 to 20 years in the corporate world. And a lot of that has been around sales execs, high producers. And what I realized throughout the course of my coaching with that group in particular, it’s a lot of very type A, very driven male dominated industry. And when I would do coaching, the muscle and hustle is what I call it, muscling and hustling through. What’s the behavior we need? How are we going to achieve this number? How are we going to make it squeak or what are we going to put the reward on?
How are we holding each other accountable? And always better, faster, stronger. And that’s a great approach and it works really well for a lot of people. And as I grew in my maturity as a coach, I just kept on thinking, but we’re missing something here. There is a piece of this, and especially in my opinion, for the women that I coached, I thought we’re not taking into account some of the undercurrents of what it means to be a woman in this business. Now, for some women that approach works great, but for some it doesn’t.
And there just was never a time where we really addressed from my perspective, that missing link and what that meant. After I got laid off and I decided I was going to do my own personal coaching business, and then I finally reconnected with Peggy because almost a year had gone by and our messages to each other got lost in the ether. So anything that we had actually tried to get together, we couldn’t, there was no way to connect. And so finally our messages hit and it was just at the right time. So we wound up having a call and she basically offered to be my coach.
And I really believe that if you are going to be a coach you should have a coach because you need to walk the talk. You need to be constantly developing yourself too in that perspective. And when she offered, I was like, “Yes, this is the right time, this makes perfect sense.” And so I brought Peggy on as my integrated spiritual coach because of the journey that I was on with the book, I knew her from our experience, from chapter three. I trusted her. It just felt like the right thing to do so I went with it.
And I would say because of my design, because of my style I think that Peggy was really a perfect fit for me because of her ability to just listen. Her ability to hold that space and sometimes just let me keep talking to figure out what I already knew, in some cases to share a different perspective. There was one call that we had where she actually coached me and my daughter together about a situation that my daughter was having. And she had come to me and I said, “You know what? Let’s use this time and just bring somebody else into this conversation.”
And she just went with that flow with me. I just think that it was an incredible, incredible experience. And what I have realized is that in comparison to kind of the muscle and hustle drive forward, this coaching was not about well, what’s your number, how are we going to achieve this, which has its time and its place.
But we talked about, “How is your body feeling in response to your stress levels? What comes up for you when you are thinking about certain things? And then how do we know if we’re actually releasing the stress that’s attached to things or letting go of some pent up emotions that might be in our bodies that we don’t even know about?” And that to me was very eye opening.
So that experience with Peggy coupled within the More Than Mindset, the meditations and really I think that pattern and that focus of becoming present on a more daily basis, it’s changed my belief system around how to approach life to a certain extent. It’s changed I think my response to certain things. And 2020 has been a heck of a year and there has been some significant losses in my circle of friends and family. And I think because of the mindset coaching and the integrative spirituality coaching, all of that has definitely given me a firmer footing to stand on as these life events have happened.
Kim: We have so often said, “Thank God we have these tools this year.” I don’t know how many times we have said that. So let’s talk a little bit about what is, you know, you did talk about the difference that it made in your life. But the actual approach that Peggy uses and integrative coaches use, that we also use in meditation and in Self Healing Masters. What would you say is the biggest difference between that and what you’re calling the muscle and hustle? Is it the actual integration? Is it because it took you inside of yourself?
Is it because it was about more retaining presence or more about not telling – I wrote this down too. It’s like what I already knew without telling me what to do?
Candy: Yeah. So I would say in my words that what really works in this space is the PUN of the Punch-Line. That’s really what it is, the presence, the unveiling and the navigating. And with that for me it’s like when I feel myself now kind of bubbling up, or getting upset, or feeling I’m going to be upset about this text I got, or whatever. I’m like, “No, just come into presence; unveil it, what are your thoughts? My thoughts are just those crazy things that are happening in my mind right now. They’re not really who I am. They’re just my program that’s running.”
And then how do I navigate that and create the right patterns? How do I have the neurons fire the right way so that I can come from a place of freedom, and love, and happiness, instead of scarcity and fear?
In my book I talk a lot about kind of being in survival mode for many years, post divorce, trying to figure out my life, navigating this corporate career, having three children and getting them to their events. Making sure my career’s on track, running a household, making sure everyone has good food, getting to the sports events. And again that’s the muscle and hustle for daily grind for parents.
And in 2020 it’s a little bit different because in some ways we’ve slowed down. But in other ways we have all these different ways of having to manage and do so that the hustle doesn’t stop, it just looks different. So again I think that whole approach in coaching with the learning to navigate things differently, changing the wiring of the mind.
The mind is malleable; I’ve studied meditation for a long time. And the mind is a malleable tool. And when we start to really think about it and retrain it with the right programming, then we can handle what happens in our lives so much easier. And so again that daily practice with the meditation and having a group to do that with too, where we share our experiences and then can understand and integrate it into our lives in a different way where we debrief. I think that that’s a phenomenal, phenomenal gift that you’re giving a community.
Kim: Yeah. So what Candy’s talking about is she’s done private coaching with one of the integrative life coaches that’s entered the program and that brought her into work. But every Monday through Friday we do a morning meditation which is just a 15/20 minute meditation. But we have a kind of settling in and then the meditation and then a discussion afterwards. And what we’re doing is we’re embodying the practice. So we’re bringing it into the material world so we can kind of go out in there into the dropping or slipping into this really deep well of presence.
And then we’re bridging it back to this time and space, because it’s the PUN in practice, it’s the actual Punch-Line Approach in the meditation practice. And we’re doing it consistently, so we’ve rewritten the neural pathways to align with that. And Self Healing Masters is a container for personal growth, for self-healing where we’ve created a community. We have live coach calls. We have different topics that we discuss. We’ve got a lot of amazing people in there who bring a lot to the table.
With that I’m going to go into the different – I do want to talk about divorce, because I want to talk about change, belief, possibilities, potential. And so let’s just kind of breathe through that and then I want to get to a little bit about human design and the difference that that has made.
Candy: So, divorce, change, belief, possibilities and potential. So I think first of all that relationships are under a lot of stress in 2020 again. 2020 is just a different kind of year. We’re spending either an incredibly increased amount of time together or we are learning new things about each other in that space. So you’re going to have to walk me through the whole acronym, because I didn’t write it all down.
So first of all the change, I think when there’s people who are entertaining divorce in their minds or they want their relationship to look and feel different, or they’re hitting different types of relationship dissatisfaction at the moment. And that change is so scary. So my divorce is eight years ago. So I’m out of the woods from that initial step. But watching even some of my friends go through this right now, sometimes all you need to do is just talk through it, journal about it, figure it out. Figure out what you know and what you don’t know. And maybe it’s fine, maybe it’s just a conversation.
But then for some people when they talk with their partner and make that decision to make the split, I think that it just creates this incredible sense of fear. Because there’s the hurt, there’s the fear, what is it going to look like? I don’t know. Can I survive this? Are we going to be friendly? Can we be amicable? Is it going to be contentious? And it’s all of the unknowns that go into that space.
Without going into kind of my whole specific situation, I would share that ours was not the friendliest and that created a long term survival mode which for me personally put me in a constant reactionary state where it was hard for to come into presence. It was hard for me to do anything other than jump every time something happened. And so I think for people who are going through this experience right now, something important to remember is that that fear is something that can be navigated. It absolutely can be navigated.
And hopefully you are in a relationship with somebody that if you’re both feeling like divorce is what the next step is or some type of major family change is what’s in store, that you can navigate that together, but that’s not always the case.
Kim: Yeah, that’s the thing, it’s like the change brings on all of those beliefs [inaudible]. I’m not going to have a roof over my head. I can’t do this by myself. This is, you know, and then we go into the worst case scenario of what’s that going to look like? What’s that separation going to look like? And grieve that life that was.
Candy: Exactly. And then I think too, this is in the book too, so it’s these thoughts that we don’t talk about. And it’s like am I ever going to be loved again? Was I ever properly loved? What did I do wrong? Do I not deserve love? Should I bother getting Botox? Am I being vain if I want Botox now because I need to look at should I put myself back on the market? And it’s everything else too, should I get the mommy makeover? Should I go do this? I’m going to have to work out all the time if I want to get back dating.
And it’s like oh my gosh, all these things because of the 30, 40, 50 years of messages that we’ve been sent. That’s where our mind goes. And so I think again it goes back to the PUN, wait a second, what do I need to do for my journey into my own soul to make sure my soul is healed before I worry about Botox and waxing and everything else.
Kim: Yeah, that’s exactly, the chain brings up the beliefs; the limiting beliefs block the potential and possibility. If you can do the PUN, so I’ll let you kind of talk on that because this is your – I mean that’s why I was kind of trying to bring up those words in that order. It’s because one brings the next, brings the next, brings the next. And we have to figure out a way to navigate or shift through that. And I feel like we have a beautiful framework or process [inaudible].
Candy: Absolutely. Well, I think too, one thing that strikes me is for me it was – I went to a talk and someone said, “The dash between what was and what will be.” And as I thought about all of that in that seminar that I was in that day, I talked about it being from fear to freedom for me. I was living in this constant fear of I’ve failed, I’m failing. What if my kids aren’t going to be happy and my kids aren’t going to love me? His whole family hates me. My family hates me. I was brought up very religious.
So it was all of this stuff and worrying about making sure everyone else was okay with my divorce. When I needed to just really worry about what I needed in the moment. And I think getting through that dash, that limbo space and then realizing okay, I’m okay. I did the best I could with the information that I had when I had it. And now here I am today and I’m going to be present every moment that I possibly can and live my best life now. And that’s where I think that freedom starts to come in.
And it’s an imperfect journey. That’s not a straight line where things keep going better and better. That’s like I’m going to have my good days and my bad days. But to not get attached to either the drama of it, and not get attached to the highs of it knowing that it all evens out over time I think is important.
Kim: Yeah. And there is someone listening who’s in this exact position of the change, bringing up the scary beliefs. What would you say to that person that’s sitting right on the edge of it?
Candy: If you’re sitting on the edge of whether or not you should get a divorce, first of all only you can make that choice. And I think that don’t listen to what your best friend says, what your mom says, what your sister says, what you guy friends say. Spend time, a little time alone really thinking about what that means to you and what it is. Have a conversation with your partner. So first of all I would say only you can make that decision.
And then the second thing that I would say is if you are going to go through that, if you don’t have a prenup in place, the law of your state is what your divorce prenup is. So for example, in Wisconsin it’s a 50/50 [inaudible] prenup. So everything is just 50/50, boom, done. There’s no need to fight. This is what it looks like. This is what it is. And so if you can somehow take the emotion out of it and just know that this is what it looks like.
Now, I have some very good friends who are divorce lawyers, and I don’t mean any disrespect to them and their profession. But they’re in that profession to make money, try to make a living. And I think that there are in some cases some divorce lawyers who really prey on the fears of others. And instead of staying in that fear space, try to remove yourself from it and just think through logically what you’re wanting to do.
And then if that is the path that you’re deciding to go down, after you’ve tried everything, you’ve done your therapy work, you’ve really tried to communicate with your partner, you’re trying to make things work. You’ve decided that it’s not for you, you’re in that space. Then I would say start to cast the vision of what your future looks like. What do you want that to be?
So one of the things that I did for myself, and people might think I’m nuts, but I said in my mind, I want to imagine someday where my new partner and I, and my ex’s partner with him can come together and do holidays with the kids and we’re fine and we’re friends. That is not where we were, we’re still not there, maybe someday we will be, and that’s okay because that just is.
This is – and I also think that that’s a function of both me and him. I don’t want to lay blame on any one person that is, you know, it takes two people to figure out how to couple and uncouple as we go through life. But I think casting that vision or saying, “You know what? I have always wanted to have a home in the country. And we’ve lived our whole lives in the city.”
Well, start to think about what that looks like and what that means and paint that picture. And once you have that it starts making that scary stuff not so scary, because if you start making decisions in that direction, and hopefully take steps to where that vision leads.
Kim: And it comes back to the presence and the limiting beliefs, navigating back to neutrality, then create the vision then take the how to steps. It still fits in the framework. And really it’s about managing our mind and our emotions. How can we self-soothe that emotional stuff that’s bubbling up and then come into the situation with neutrality? It’s almost like you said, it’s almost like at that point, business. You’ve got to be able to take the personal part out of it and look at the facts.
Candy: It’s impossible to dream when you’re in survival mode. If you’re just constantly in survival mode trying to make things happen, it’s going to create absolute exhaustion in you, and complete energetic imbalance. And you’re not going to be able to really think fully about, and see your future, and really think about what it means to live fully as you are. And so I believe it’s really important to just take the time, if that’s the path that you’re on, take the time to respect and love yourself through that.
Heal the wounds that you are uncovering because you’re going to uncover some wounds in this space that you didn’t know that you had. And whatever they are, just take the time to process, grieve them, and that vision that you ultimately painted for yourself might show up in a year, 10 years, 15 years, you don’t know. But at least then you have something that you’re dreaming for again and you can take the steps toward it.
Kim: Let’s talk about discovering human design. This is something we do in Self Healing Masters also, so it’s like we really want to identify that natural essence that’s within all of us, that’s beyond the conditioning. So we have been conditioned our entire lives, the way it’s supposed to be, like you said earlier, even our beliefs about divorce, and religion, and family, and friends and all of that stuff is really – that’s why so many of us are caught up in this emotional spin, because there is an underlying emotional manipulation, the way that you’re supposed to be.
And if you don’t follow the rules then you will be shunned. And that’s really what we humans fear. We don’t want to be alone. We don’t want to be disconnected. We don’t want to not be loved, that’s our greatest fear. So where you were, which was in a really good place. But it feels like what happened is when you came in you like, schoom, you just launched.
Candy: So when I started working with Peggy, Peggy said, “I want you to think about joining Self Healing Masters.” And I was like, “Oh boy, I don’t know. I’ve got to really think about what am I doing and where am I allocating my money.” And it’s the old money stories, am I worth investing a little bit more in myself? I don’t know.”
And through multiple conversations with Peggy and then starting to meet the people who were in the group, I was like, “You know what? I’m doing this. I’m going to make the call. I’m going to invest in myself.” This feels like it’s the right next step and I’m going to do it. I’m in.” And when I came in it was on a day that you were offering the calls. And I thought well, this is serendipitous. Then I’ll just have another call and then I’ll get to know Kim a little bit, so I’ll understand more about what this is about.
And in that call, well, prior to the call you asked me for my birth information. And when I got on the call with you, you said, “Do you know you’re a reflector?” And I was like, “Well, no, I don’t even really know what that means. Help me understand.” This was I think maybe the beginning of a new awakening for me or my next level of awakening on this journey because this never ends. This is a lifetime of learning. But one of the things that – well, you asked me questions and say, “Tell us me what you’re doing.” So I told you about this book.
And I told you about how I wanted to go and write and I couldn’t help but then reflect and share my life’s lessons and share some poignant moments about life and learnings along the way. And then as we continued on one of your comments to me was, “You realize when you were writing you’re in your divine essence.” And that struck me. They have mentioned that a few times too, that just struck me on such a soul level. And I thought oh my gosh, it is the truth, because when I was on that road trip and writing I have never felt so inspired and free, just to be present.
And I was alone, so whether I was alone for hours in my car or I met somebody and I spent an hour talking to him or her. I have never felt so just in my element. It was incredible.
Kim: You just felt [inaudible], you felt so good when you know you’re where you’re supposed to be.
Candy: Yeah, and then I mean, but then it’s like well, what am I supposed to do with this? What does that mean? I don’t know how all this works or comes together. And so being a reflector, I’m a 1-3 reflector which means investigative martyr, which means I need lots of information in order to understand things, that’s my nature. I want to know the big picture, the context. And then I want to make sure that I’m having all of the experiences that go along with this. And the my signature status to be in a state of flow and surprise. When I’m feeling surprised I know I’m on the right path.
And when I’m feeling ultimately disappointed in something then I know something needs to change. And so just that, a basic awareness of that for me was so eye opening. And when I was in corporate, before I got laid off I’d be on teams where I’d say, “But I want the big picture. Help me understand the context so I can get this.” And people would look at me like just do your job, just get this done. And I’m like, “But I can’t just get this done unless I know all of it.”
And now I’m like I’m built that way, that’s what I need to actually do work. Or we do a better job when we have things to react to because we need to reflect back about them. So then I’m thinking back into corporate where people would say, “Well, just go, take an hour and go create something and bring it back.” And I’d be like, “I can’t. I need something to respond to.” So I’d spend the first 20 or 30 minutes gathering input so that I could take a look at all that and then create whatever happens next which sometimes was great work and sometimes wasn’t great work because I didn’t have the things to reflect to.
But in hindsight now as I’m looking back, that’s incredible. And another thing for me to think about is when I was going through my divorce and I just kept thinking I just need time. I need the time to think through this and process it. And reflectors need 28½ days or a lunar cycle to make big decisions, to feel all the different phases of the moon, basically meaning to feel all of those transits. And I think back to that time and how pressured I felt to make a decision and I couldn’t.
I couldn’t just make a snap decision, which for some people became a real disappointment, “Why can’t you say you’re all in on your marriage?” I’m like, “Well, we’re talking about divorce and I need to really feel what this means.” “Well, why can’t you say you want a divorce?” I’m like, “Because I really don’t want a divorce, I want to stay married. I have to think through it and really feel through it.” And now in hindsight again that makes sense when my approach was that way but I felt so pressured to be what everyone else expected.
Kim: Yeah, and that’s our open head and it’s like this constant pressure and anxiety. And in Self Healing Masters we have another reflector. And immediately I was like, oh my God, you guys are the center of this. It’s like we want you to reflect back what’s happening here, what are you feeling? What’s coming? And it’s like I’m always asking you if there’s any questions. And that probably would make a fun show is just to do a live with just you two and do a kind of Q&A for others because it’s only 1% of the population.
And for those who are not in More Than Mindset yet, you guys need to come over because that’s where we do these kinds of interviews. So what I’ll do is pull up, we’ll do a call on each one, on the generator, on a manifestor, on the reflector as well as the projector. And there will be only those on the call to have that, you know, that will be interviewed to have the conversation. Because how did it feel to be able to relate, like you were understood and had someone else that you connect with? Would you share that experience?
Candy: Absolutely. So I think for the first time maybe in many, many years I felt seen. And I just felt like okay, you can show up as who you are and you don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to chime in, you can just be. And understand and pick up what’s going on and when the time is right you can chime in. And if that takes 28.5 days it takes 28.5 days. And I think that, from that being seen was first of all that was a miracle in itself. I think just to know that there is this culture and this community where everybody is willing to explore that together.
So if you’re a generator and you’re living in that space and you’re understanding what your authority is and testing that out, you can share that with a group of people who are there to say, “No, I can relate to that and I understand.” And have that same language, so I think that that’s a really cool thing that’s happening in the community of Self Healing Masters. And so for me too I would say being seen is one thing, being accepted then kind of as I am. And then these doors have opened where I now have, like I’m being connected to other reflectors who have common interests.
And we’re talking about different things. I just had a reach out from somebody who said, “I want to reflector coach, please can you work with me?” I said, “Yeah, absolutely, let’s talk about what that means and what that looks like.”
I have a very dear friend who is a coach, a speaker and she said she just wanted to dial back from her work for the rest of this year to really kind of think and reset for 2021. And she’s like, “I don’t know if I have the words for what I want.” I said, “Well, try me, let’s just talk about it, let’s talk through it.” And I’m listening to everything she was saying and I said, “Can I reflect back to you what I’m hearing you say?” And I did and she said, “That’s exactly what I was trying to say, you just gave me the words so that I can do my next phase of my business.”
And okay, alright, so there’s some magic here that when we just let ourselves be who we are, it’s so much easier to just breathe and live and feel that magic.
Kim: And the simplicity of that ease is so hard to get the mind to settle down and breathe through. That’s the work, that’s the practice. We already have that activated in us. And it’s like whenever we surrender to the pressure, I have to go through all the emotions because I don’t make a decision on the spot. And I’m okay with that. But people around me are not okay with that. They want to know now. They want to know what it’s going to look like. They wanted me, or my husband wants to know what I want to eat before the waiter does because he gets embarrassed.
And I’m actually fine, we’ll just make sure we go to Mexicans, make sure there’s some chips and salsa to keep them quiet while I’m deciding, or a little drink or whatever. But I mean for years it was a fight, it was a battle of that not having permission to take the time. And I don’t know about you, I’m pretty sure you’re going to agree with me. But when I’ve made the decision when I wasn’t ready I always regretted it.
Candy: I would say there’s some regret or there’s lessons there that I would not have otherwise had to have learned some negative things have happened. Like oh my gosh, what if we had just waited to do something a little different? A 100%, a 100%.
Kim: The few things that, because I take a long time to just now, the last few years to really sit in it. But the few things that I made a decision because someone else was kind of pressuring me to do it, I’m really having to still do the mindset around not trusting myself. Because by that point I knew and I still got tripped up by it. And I’m saying that for all of you to know, you will still get tripped up. But if you take it back to the Punch-Line Approach, if you take it back to that PUN, over, and over, and over. And then the full Punch-Line Approach it will lead you back to yourself.
Candy: We have the undying need and desire to see the best in people. And that’s part of having all of our centers open too. So not only are we typically more empathic because of that but it’s like you want to believe the best in people. And I’m a part of a group of reflectors now where I’m hearing – I’m a little new so I’m not totally jumping right into the whole conversation.
But I’m hearing the things that they’re saying. I’m like, “Yes, yes, yes”, which is why in relationships too, you can fall so easily into believing and loving the potential of somebody. Rather than project their situations and issues, if you will, onto you. You can be as a reflector, more absorbent of those and think that they’re your own. And just as I’m hearing everybody’s stories I’m like oh my gosh, this is again, it just triggers so much for me in my life about things that I have experienced. And I thought it was just because I was different, in some way I was weird.
Or actually there’s a subset of us in the world who are experiencing many of these things that way.
Kim: Yeah, those open centers, it’s so not ours, it’s not us, it’s where we act from that we don’t recognize. And that’s the awareness that we’re getting to is like really taking ourselves back to actually that’s just something that you’re regurgitating, it’s something that’s passing through that you’re reacting to. But once you know how to manage your mind and manage your emotions then you can kind of see it and allow it to pass through. But I’m kind of like you with the part that I think it was a game changer for me to be able to accept myself and see that we are all unique.
You’re really not going to find anyone else who has the same exact chart, that has the same exact design. Even if we’re all reflectors, or all projectors, or all generators, and you’re in that group, it’s still not going to be the same because it’s so minutely specific.
Candy: Well, I think also it gives you the opportunity to really study it and see if it resonates with you. You’ve said all the time along the way, “This doesn’t need to be your only lens that you live life through, period, done, end of story.” But it just gives you one more sort of – it’s one more door you can walk through when you’re learning on your journey of life. And to study it and really look at, like you said, there’s so much detail on there. But to really, really look at it and think about, and meditate on how does it apply to your life, I think it’s a beautiful thing to be able to do, to experience.
Kim: I’m always saying that because I feel like we get attached to the next goal. The mind loves, intellectuals wants to get, they just want to know. We will never know. We will never, never, never know what – if there is a truth, because it changes according to our perception. And I love this stuff and I bring it in. But then I would watch clients go away, they would go down these rabbit holes and take on this new label or this new dogma. And I’m so protective of you guys, having a clear mind and being careful that this doesn’t become the next religion or the next, even science.
Science is meant to question, and whatever they bring up will be questioned again. I see life as just being curious, and wondering, and enquiring.
Candy: Right. Well, it’s about experimenting with it. And I’ll just share one of the stories, since knowing that I’m a reflector I’m trying to watch, pay more attention, kind of watch for the signs, be in the flow. My true purpose is to – inspired by the gene keys and everything to have the patience and wait, and really see how things unfold, which is a complete departure from the muscle and hustle life, complete departure. And so I’m trying to just watch and watch for signs.
And I was actually, I found a video about a reflector who she had experienced – well, she was sharing what her experiences had been. And so I found her on Instagram and I sent her a message. I was like, “Hey, I’m a reflector too.” And she’s like, “No way.” So we started messaging each other. Well, I’m actually doing yoga teacher training with her and her husband now. So I was like this kind of all unfolded. And it was the right sign and the right thing to do. So through a series of events I made that decision.
And then I’m doing these, as we all do, kind of some networking, Zoom meetings. And an old colleague of mine had said, “I want you to come out to see the building that I’ve bought and I want you to see the lower level.” And I was like, “Okay, sounds good.” So we went out, had a lovely conversation. And then she showed me the lower level and it’s a beautiful space of hardwood floors and high ceilings with these industrial looking chandeliers and lots of natural light. And they had the kitchen remodeled so they can do food things and events in there.
And he said, “Really what we want to do is rent this out to a yoga instructor when the time is right.” And I’m like, “Are you kidding me right now? How did this all come together?” Because we had talked about in our first conversation maybe working together again at some point in the future, but I thought it would be kind of in our old financial services way, like running paperwork. I said, “I’ll answer your phones Friday afternoon, sure, no problem.” And then that happened. And it’s like well, who knows, who knows.
But incredible about how those signs and the doors just when you watch for them they start to open.
Kim: I’m going to end on this because we’re getting close to time but I think it’s so important because I’m experiencing it for the last years myself. But it’s that, exactly what you just said, it’s that way. It’s the going from – in meditation we call this the difference between the football field and the quantum field. Where we’re in, like we have plays all laid out, we have the plans, we have that push and rub, or you call it the muscle and hustle, no matter what our position is, even if we’re in the stands, we’re still rooting.
And then we have this being, so we have this doing world and this being world. You’ve been in both. Now, you’ve been, I’ll say hypnotized to work this way, you’ve been conditioned, here’s transformation, this new life. And now you have all of this new information, new experience, a whole new container to learn in, to be in which is what I think we do in Self Healing Masters, it’s a place to come and practice your design so you can get comfortable with it before rolling it out.
And how do you, or what would you tell someone else who is right here in between where you are, where you know the way but you’re feeling impatient, your mind is telling you you’re crazy, don’t do it, no, no, no. And then your inner essence is like, “Yeah, we’re just going to chill out and reap?”
Candy: So I think that the first thing that comes to mind is that there is freedom on the other side of that fear. There is absolute freedom on the other side of fear. Right now in this moment, yesterday morning I got a LinkedIn notification for what would look like the perfect job for me based on my certifications and my history. And I looked at it and I’m like, “I should probably apply. I should probably do it because health insurance needs and whatever”, all the things, all the things that we tell ourselves.
And instead I had to pause and I’m like, “Who’s giving me that message right now?” And that’s my old programming, that’s all of the old programming. So instead I kind of pondered for a little bit, kind of sat in silence. And I’m like, “No, I have committed right now to follow this design and I know for a fact if I go into some type of a corporate setting I will not be happy.” I can muscle and I can push out the work, I can do – I know that I can be a generator. I can do all of that stuff.
But I’m not going to feel the happiness and the satisfaction that I feel right now. And if I am truly investing in myself, success doesn’t just magically happen overnight. So even if my bank account looks different, if I’m judging success on a monetary scale right now, which is not my personal definition of success, but let’s face it, we live in a world where it’s important to have an income. So if I’m looking at that I’ll say, “I really should probably go back to work.” Because I’m not in the same space that I once was.
But oh my gosh, the things that are not monetary I am so much happier with, including myself, my wellbeing, my health, time with my kids. I used to leave my house every morning on my way to my corporate job saying, Gosh, we all pay a lot of money for our homes that we’re never in.” We spend 40, to 50, to 60 hours a week in a different building and we have this mortgage and property taxes for a home that it’s empty the majority of the time. We just sleep in it, that’s crazy.
And so now I’m really settling in and I’m so grateful. I’m just so grateful for the moments and the connections that are being made and the doors that are opening over time. And that to me feels much more like more successful.
Kim: It’s so interesting watching the two dialogs, the intellect and the inner essence. Our intellect, our mind thinks it’s so smart, it’s so looking out for us. And so like all the things they tell you about [inaudible] and then when you aren’t aware it’s just, you don’t even drop down, you don’t even drop down and consider that there could be something else. The beauty is especially with the waiting, if you truly trust life, and that job is meant to be it will be there. And it will be clearer. You’ll have something to respond to, you’ll have something to…
I think that’s the hardest part is can we trust doing it this new way in ease, doing it aligned with our design, doing it as this new identity or a new perception of who we are? But to say that’s easy, when this thing does not stop chattering, if it wouldn’t chatter it wouldn’t be a problem though, right?
Candy: Right. And it’s trying to keep it safe. It’s just working from an old program. It’s like we just have to allow for that old program to circuit out and get an upgrade.
Kim: Put her in the backseat, put the seatbelt on. Just put her in the trunk. It’s like okay, okay, okay, you can rattle on but you’re going to have to do it in time, or you’re going to have to do it here.
Candy: Okay, to actively trust like you said. And that’s been a big theme the last couple of months to just like, I’m going to trust what happens next. And even if my old story is feeling a little oh gosh, we’re getting worked up. No, relax, there’s nothing one day that I haven’t been fully provided for yet.
Kim: What did you come up with in meditation the other day, it was the current of?
Candy: River of calm, the river of calm I think is what I said. And it was just like my best friend committed suicide and two family members died very – one unexpectedly and one that was anticipated. And all of those things I think even had those things happened a year ago I would have been just on this huge emotional wave. And so while those emotions came, there was also this underlying, like the river of calm that was like no, but this is okay, this is the cycle of human life. There is good and bad with every situation.
And if I can stay in that river of calm and just trust that the next right thing is going to happen. And I just keep making the next best right choice for me based on what unfolds, that’s magical and there’s so much beauty in that.
Kim: I want to end here because it’s such a beautiful place now, these tools are fabulous. In order to really maintain calm, ease, flow, if that’s what you’re looking for in your life, I do believe that this is the process. This is the approach, the framework that makes the difference. I want to thank you for coming on, sharing your book. We’re going to link how to find you and how to get the book in the show notes below. And is there anything that I did not ask you that you want to share that’s to do with the book or your experience?
Candy: Just believe in the magic and embrace the goddess that you are.
Alright, that’s what I have for you this week. I hope you enjoyed Candy and the show. Her book is called Finding Life in Between. You can find it on Amazon or you can look in the show notes and it will take you directly to Candy. Better yet, head on over to Self Healing Masters and become part of the community where we are doing this work together. Have a great week.
Thanks for listening to this episode of More than Mindset.