Ep #97: Self Healing Master Joyce Faul

Self Healing Master Joyce Faul

Self Healing Master Joyce Faul We are all conditioned to think, feel, speak, and behave in a way that pleases the world. But when that mask doesn’t align with who you truly are, there is a dissonance. You get disconnected from your essential self.

My guest today, Joyce Faul, changed her life when she decided to remove the mask and create a new reality for herself. Joyce has been part of Self Healing Masters and also part of the integrative life community for a couple of years now, and watching her transformation has been so inspiring to me. 

In today’s episode, I talk with Joyce about how she finally made the decision to remove the mask and start taking care of herself, and what that looked like. She shares what her experience in our community has been like, how her relationships have changed, and how she uses the Punch-Line approach. There are people out there who don’t think that a life full of joy, wholeness, and fulfillment is possible, and I’m so excited to share Joyce’s story as proof that it is.

Join me in Self Healing Masters, a program to heal your health, wealth, and relationships. Enrollment gets you lifetime access to my integrated healing approach so you can finally live your life’s purpose and help others. I can’t wait to see you there!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How Joyce made the decision to take care of herself.
  • What her experience in Self Healing Masters has been like. 
  • What it’s like being a Projector. 
  • Why it’s so important to shed our masks and old identities.
  • How Joyce’s relationships have changed since joining SHM.
  • The Stop Open Stay process.

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to More than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion, to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey I want to tell you a little bit about what’s happening on the show today. I am interviewing Joyce who is a member of Self Healing Masters. And she’s also been part of the integrative life community for a couple of years. She’s attended some retreats. She’s worked with the integrative life coaches.

And now watching her transformation and actually just being a part of her creating this new reality, this new identity has been so inspiring for me that I asked her to come onto the show and share her experience. And also to maybe inspire someone else who didn’t think a life of joy, and satisfaction, and fulfillment, and wholeness was possible. That’s what I have for you. I hope you enjoy.

                                                                                                                   

Kim: Hello, hello and welcome back to the show. I have a guest, her name is Joyce and Joyce is a Self Healing Master. And we are going to talk about her experience with the Punch-Line Approach and in the community, at retreat with the coaches, all of the things that have transformed your life in the last couple of years. And I just want to give you the opportunity to celebrate it publicly.

I think it’s been so fun to watch you, to watch the – would I say, coming out of your shell, or discovering your true identity, breaking free, what would you say if you were to in one lump sum, what would you call it?

Joyce: Transforming, breaking free from the life that I had that was so restrictive and so pushing me down. And to be able to free from that and just I’ve talked about being able to fly. And I really do truly feel like I have been lifted up and I have wings and I can do pretty much anything now. And it is just very much a relief. And I am very joyful to be able to live my life in the freedom that I now have.

Kim: Can we go back to a couple of years ago in the state that you were in, the position you found yourself in? You wake-up one day you’re, like just paint the picture.

Joyce: Well, I’ve been on this new path since the summer of 2018 which was when I left my husband. I just couldn’t live in that environment anymore, it was just, it was killing me. And I knew that I had to – I had no choice but I had to take care of me. It was very difficult to leave. I had some grandchildren, step-grandchildren and I had been a very integral part of their life. And I had a couple of dogs and I was very attached to and I just like, “Sorry, but I’ve got to go.”  And fortunately I came back down to Louisiana where I’ve lived before.

And I’ve had support, I had a nice support group with just previous friends and family, that was the main reason I chose to come here. And I also felt safe because it’s a distance away from the other place I lived with the old relationship. And in the past I’ve had other relationships that ended similarly. I just, I had to take care of me and just remove myself from the setting. And to a distance where I couldn’t cave and go back or have him knocking on my door and that kind of stuff.

Kim: It’s so important because it’s such a big step. And then our brain keeps wanting to go back to that old comfortable familiar even though it’s killing us. How long were you married?

Joyce: I was married for 18 years.

Kim: And how old are you at this point?

Joyce: I am 66.

Kim: Yeah, so that’s a huge jump.

Joyce: It was my second marriage and I had stayed single for 15 years in between. So I had been part of an Al-Anon program and 12 step programs. And thought I had done all the work and then I was able to just go out and find somebody else. And I found the same old crap only in a different format.

Kim: Okay. Hold on a second, let’s stay there because this is so what we do. The same old crap, we think we can eject the circumstance and free and clean and we don’t realize that the patterns of our mind were recreated if we don’t clean it up.

Joyce: There were some very destructive patterns in my own thinking that now led me back into that kind of setting. I was in a victim mode, didn’t realize that I was bringing that on myself.

Kim: We never want to hear that by the way.

Joyce: Yeah, I almost did it, you know, I stayed as long as I did because I did not want to go through a second divorce. And I kept saying, “Well, I might as well just stay in this one because if I leave this one I’m just going to find another one like it. And finally I just said, “Well, I want to have a happy retirement and I’m not going to live like this anymore.”

Kim: Can we talk about this for a second because I know some of the listeners are going to understand this. I didn’t want to be seen as a failure, a second divorce. How long did that thought or that belief keep you in this position?

Joyce: Probably 18 years because I pretty much knew from the start that it wasn’t right, it wasn’t working but I didn’t want to admit it. I just put my nose to the grindstone and said, “I’m going to make this work.”

Kim: Because, because you believed or you were told that it was forever or if you committed you need to…?

Joyce: Because I wanted it to work. I wanted to be married. I wanted to have a husband. I wanted to share a life together. I wanted to build dreams together. I wanted to have companionship and everything and it just wasn’t right pretty much from the start. And I tried to make it into what I wanted it to be and it didn’t work.

Kim: And then you come back to Louisiana, you reconnect with old friends; you somehow stumbled into our community.

Joyce: Peggy and I were colleagues, we taught together 20, 30 years ago, whenever that was. And we’ve maintained contact over the years and so we’ve been lifelong friends. And so Peggy kept talking about, she had about the time I got down here she went on a spring retreat with you. And she had posted it on Facebook and when I read about it I was like, “I want to experience that.” And I immediately signed up and she was like, “What, you signed up?” She was in shock. And from that point on, that was like stepping out and saying, “I’m going to do good things for myself. I deserve it.”

And that was the foundation of being able to build on that and also the money issues that you come up with when you’re doing good things for yourself and you feel guilty for spending the money. And I should be doing this or I should be doing that. And no, I just said, “No, this is, I need to do this.” And believing that I started by that point was getting a picture that a lot of our financial issues are because of the way we think too. So that’s been another big area that I have had to do a lot of work on.

Kim: All of us, it’s so, seriously I think most humans, no matter how much money you have because it’s been pumped into our mind that you’d better be careful. Even retiring and putting in the wrong place, someone can take it. You can lose it, the market. All that we’ve been taught this over, and over, and over. And the older we get the more afraid we are because then we start thinking we’re not capable of making, you know, we don’t have enough time to make more.

Joyce: Yes, I was doing some coaching with Peggy and like I said, we’ve been lifelong friends so she knows me really well. And she would tell me, “You have worked through more stuff in the six months”, I don’t remember how many weeks it was. And it was three months she said. And I know. It’s like I was determined.

And having her who I love and trust and who knows me and loves me, I was able to make commitments to do the things that I needed to do. To take the steps to really learn how to apply all the tools that you have laid out in your book, Punch-Line Approach, which I got exposed to right from the get go at that first retreat that I signed up for. But honestly, I don’t think I really read the book for about the first year. I’d kind of dabble in it and I just kind of picked up things here and there.

And I was doing all kinds of stuff with you guys and just really connected to the group and felt like wow, this was [inaudible]. It was a real support for me because I had left, I was down here pretty much on my own. I was living at my son’s house and I was kind of out in the country so I wasn’t really circulating much.

I was working on all the divorce paperwork which in hindsight I really did that the hard way. I really did it the hard way where I was thinking I had to be the one that had to go through all the paperwork and come up with all the stuff. And feed all this information to the attorney so he could go out there and fight for me and get what I needed.

Kim: That’s control, right, like so much.

Joyce: I doubt that he ever even read any of it because in the end he kind of threw me under the bus. And then I’m going, “Damn.”

Kim: But we do what we know. We do what’s available to us. We do what we can in the moment. And when we can really stop beating ourself up about what we should have, or could have, or what we missed, or didn’t. That’s really where this work comes in. It’s like if we can keep returning to presence.

Joyce: Right. And then ultimately really just rising above all this jabber and realizing that the bottom line was God was going to continue taking care of me just the way he always has, no matter what I do or don’t do. I mean God is going to – if I’m open and I am trusting God he is going to provide me with everything I need. And I’m here to show you that I’m living in a townhouse. I have a brand new car. I do have a limited income but I have reviewed all my finances, got with a financial advisor, reset everything where it’s going to be where I will have what I need.

And I still have some, you know, those scary moments of well, what if the things I invested in don’t work out? I have a car now, and so I’m readjusting my budget again and going, “Well, I think I really want to do.” For the last six months I’ve really been kind of figuring out what do I want to do? Because I am not bored, I love to read or write. I am practicing some drawing and some photography. I have a couple of grandchildren around here and lots of friends. And of course with Covid it’s kind of put a damper on all those social activities that I could be part of if that wasn’t going on.

Kim: So let’s just talk a second about the experience that you opened up to. What did retreat open for you?

Joyce: I got to witness what the process of being involved in a coaching setting. And you would work with different people who would say, “Okay, who has something they want to work on?” And we would be in the hot seat and then you would kind of walk through all the steps in your process with them. And everyone else was holding space.

And the thing I learned from that too was that even when someone else is getting coached, that you can benefit from that so much, not only just by being there for someone else. But also knowing that what they’re going through in some format or some level is probably something you’ve experienced, or are going through, or wondering about yourself. So it’s a pretty amazing process going through the coaching.

Kim: Now you’re in Self Healing Masters, so we’ll talk a little bit about Self Healing Masters which is the container that we continue to do this work in on a personal level. It’s basically your lifelong coaching world where we have this community. And I just want to kind of get your feedback on what’s the experience been like for you in Self Healing Masters?

Joyce: Self Healing Masters was starting up right about the time I had just finished my most recent coaching pack, just again kind of like when I have decided to go on the retreats both with you and then Danielle has had a couple of retreats and I’ve been on her retreats. That’s like I just know that I need – you just get that inner knowing, this is something I need and I’m going to do it. And it’s all going to work out, I’m not going to worry about the money, it’s going to work out.

Kim: Because it is so fun and so exciting, you’ve had so much transformation in two years, there is a lot, to try to nail it down to one thing is probably going to be impossible. And so we can kind of weave in and out of the story. But my question was how has the Self Healing Masters experience been for you, being in a container with the coaching, with the process, being live every week?

Joyce: It has been a life saver. With it being during Covid, the connection started last June I think it was where I kind of jumped in on the morning meditations that you’ve been doing. And that gave me a sense of I’m not alone, I have these other people. I had people that cared, that listened. We did a little social kind of how’s everybody doing kind of afterward a lot of times. And that was just a lifeline for me, that. And then when I got into the Self Healing Masters I am just blown away.

I am learning and I am growing and that is so marvelous because for the last 20 years previous to this I had been giving it all away, taking care of everybody else and neglecting myself. And that was my childhood drama was being from a huge family and not getting any real personal attention. I ended up having a lot of patterns where I’d just neglect myself. So this has been – and that was one of the things I knew when I left that relationship is I have got to focus on taking care of me. And so I have made myself a priority.

And being part of the Self Healing Masters has just been such a rich environment for learning and growing. It’s like there is so much learning going on I have a hard time keeping up. But it’s exciting, it’s just really exciting.

Kim: You used a word that I have been using these last couple of weeks just now and it’s ‘rich’. I’m like our community is so rich. The work is so rich.

Joyce: It really is. It’s so deep, so many levels to it, so many different aspects of what we’re learning about ourselves. When you brought in the human design and what kind of energy we have. And it’s just really amazing, it’s just very transformational. It just gives you so much more dimension really, so much more dimension to expand out, and explore, and discover what all is available.

Kim: A perception, it’s like the perception opens up to exploration. And suddenly you’re just like in wonder, and awe, and what else, and what else, and what else. And that’s what I was going to ask you, when you just said whatever you just said earlier and I said, “You’re taking me somewhere else.” It was that recognizing that your ego, your strategy and authority of human design that number one you’re a 6-2. And waking up at this stage in your life, how impactful that is.

But the other one was being a projector and having that ego authority which is you know in the now. You know in the moment. But how many years did you not trust that?

Joyce: Most of my life. Being a projector I function a little bit more differently. And a lot of people just really didn’t – wasn’t understood or people would kind of put me off, kind of like where’s she coming from? What’s she talking about? So I have some kindred spirits that I’ve gathered up along the way that have helped me sustain my life.

Kim: It’s kind of funny though because as a projector, you have something to share. You want to share but no one hears you if you’re not invited. It’s so frustrating. And you said that you were trying to, like you were actually telling people what to do, how to do it, how to treat you. So you were kind of onto it, you just had that piece missing of waiting to be invited to speak, to share what you hear.

Joyce: Yes. Because, well, I grew up in an environment where if you wanted something you had to grab it or you were going to lose out. There was always a lack. You had to kind of take care of yourself because nobody else really had the time or the energy. And so if you didn’t speak up you went without. So I kind of live by that and it’s kind of like okay, I’m not going to be left out. I want this and I’m going to go for it. And I’m going to make it happen.

So I had this epiphany one day when I was walking in the neighborhood going, “Oh my God, I have lived my whole life trying to make my life happen. And now I realize all I have to do is let it happen.”

Kim: What a difference, so good.

Joyce: Let it happen, I want to live the life of ease and grace. Oh my God, it’s just amazing, different.

Kim: For those guys who don’t know about the Punch-Line Approach, I have to tell you in this moment. There’s five steps, there’s actually three action steps but one, you’ve got to get your present. You’ve got to start unpacking those limiting beliefs, your lifelong beliefs, all of the patterns, the generational structures, all of that stuff. You have to unpack that so that you can understand it. And then you have to start navigating around the habits and behavior, you have to change. You have to interrupt the old pathway; the neural pathways that you think are truth.

You have to change that trajectory. Once you do those three steps then you create the vision of what you want from here. What do I want to experience in my life? What do I want to create? And you create that vision. We do this at retreat. You create that vision in your mind and you bring it onboard in the emotional body so that you’re in the vibration of it. You’re seeing it. You’re witnessing it. You’re letting it go all the way through your bone marrow, all the way through your cells. And you vibrate in it and then you take the action steps from how to create it, which is you choose the vision.

And that’s what Joyce did. She chose that I am going to take care of me. I am going to live for myself. And then you’ve got to commit to it all the way through, non-negotiable. And you said that, “I needed to move far away so I would not go back to that old habit. So I wouldn’t go back to the old comfortable.” And so it’s like you want to commit all the way to yourself, to the vision and then you cultivate it as if it were. And that’s the community, is having the community that treats you as the new identity.

I think that is the secret to Self Healing Masters, because you can create change and you can move, you can change your thoughts, but if your environment is still treating you as the old person then your brain, your pathway, you go right back to being the old person. So you cultivate it as if it already happened. And you continue doing that every day and then you get your brain coached. So that’s the Punch-Line, that’s the punch.

And the line is what Joyce just said, it’s living your life’s legacy as an integrated being on all levels, mentally, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, occupational, intellectual and then in your natural essence. That’s where you are now, discovering your design, doing the coach work with Peggy, the retreats with Danielle, the retreats with Peggy, coming to the calls, all of that stuff. That your natural essence is now expressing in ease and flow.

Joyce: And speaking up for myself and even though I know I have to wait for an invitation. You have pointed out to me Kim, it’s like you are getting invitations. And you are right. I just have to be open to them.

Kim: Right. And you’re not used to looking for them. Right now that you know your design and now that you understand and everything started making sense to you. So now your brain can relax, your nervous system can relax. You can drop the victim. You can drop the old stories. And you can see it from a different perspective. That’s the change I see in you. And I realized at the beginning and I want to talk about this is I’m a little tough. I scared you off, you were like, “I don’t know about this.” I created that defensive wall that came up in you, right?

Joyce: Yeah, I was pretty defensive.

Kim: What [inaudible] not buffered? I was kind of sharp?

Joyce: Well, you were just really excited and really knew that you had something important to do and you were about to do it. You really did, you would show up even when very other few people were showing up. And you just kept going so your determination has been a great role model for me.

Kim: And I remember one day in meditation you softened a lot, you’re more approachable.

Joyce: I’ve seen you growing too Kim, I mean that’s the benefit of having an ongoing conversation within our group. We really are getting to know everybody on an intimate level and sure, those walls are going to kind of start dropping. And we’re really going to get a little more comfortable with each other, and we’re going to be more accepting of each other. And the walls drop and everybody softens a little bit. And we can just really relax and support each other, be there for each other and watch each other grow. It’s really exciting.

Kim: And be in our authentic identities. That, to me that’s the most beautiful part is that discovering your design, discovering your inner essence and working through the shame of showing up as her because it is the shame. The shame is everything that we’re running, and hiding, and defending ourself from.

We don’t want to be seen raw, and vulnerable, and as ourself. We’ll say undressed, we don’t have the mask, I don’t mean naked in our clothes. I mean when we take the mask of who we’ve been pretending to be according to our family, our environment, our work area, whatever it is. You take that mask off and there is a risk of rejecting the true you.

Joyce: The whole point of being able to just live my life, just let my life unfold is so novel to me and that it’s really okay. I’m still working through a lot of things, being the age I am and trying to kind of create a new life for myself. And I’m not just an old woman, I am a woman that has a lot of experience, and has gained a lot of knowledge, and has a lot of deep understanding and compassion. And I have a lot to offer people.

Kim: And we want it. I have an urgency for the world to show up as their true self so you can play the part that you’re meant to play for humanity for us all to come together. I think it’s so important to shed the mask, those identities that are not us, those old belief systems.

Joyce: It’s such good news that it’s okay to be me. All I have to do is be me and be real, because I’ve always wanted to be real but every time I tried to be real people would shut me down. So now it’s like, okay, finally the universe has kind of evolved to the point where it’s okay, you can come out now. You can come out and play.

Kim: You can come out and you don’t have to make anything happen. Look, this is an invitation, “Hey, would you come on and talk, just talk about your transformation? Let’s talk about the story. Let’s talk about the work we’re doing together.” And you know why it’s important to me? Because there are people over 50 years old who are in a separate life from the rest of the world who are by themselves, especially this year who don’t know they have a place to go.

They don’t know they have a community they can belong to. They are disconnected and that creates depression because of the loneliness. And I think it’s so important to share with others that there is a place that you can come and be yourself and you can come and you can commune. We can break bread and wine. We laugh. We joke about the stuff that we tell ourself. It’s like it’s a beautiful place to come and be a human.

Joyce: And the people in Self Healing Masters and in the coaching community are so loving and so accepting. I mean I’m a lot different than a lot of you all, but I mean everybody’s like, “Yeah, Joyce, come on, we want you here.” It’s like wow, it’s just so good. It’s fun.

Kim: That’s the transformation, oh my God, come on Joyce, come over here, we invite you here. I want to know how that feels.

Joyce: You’re going to make me cry.

Kim: I want to know how that feels.

Joyce: It feels amazing, almost too good to be real, but it is real. And I have been experiencing it going on two years and nobody’s kicked me to the kerb yet.

Kim: Did your brain tell you that, I might do something wrong, I might say something wrong; they might not like what I do?

Joyce: No. I’m more judgmental of myself than other people are of me. Really focused in on what kind of self-talk, what does my inner voice sound like? And I was just so blown away, it was so eye opening, how I talk to myself. And she’d say, “Joyce that is harsh. Would you ever talk to me like that? Would you talk to anyone else like that?” So when you come to the understanding of this, I’m the one that’s holding myself back. I’m the one that’s now, there’s nobody else around me putting me down, but I’m still doing it to myself.

Kim: Yes, that inner dialog, unbelievable.

Joyce: Oh yes. I’m so excited that I am so aware of it now. And I know I’ve already changed it a lot and continuing to do the work and I’m just thrilled that I don’t have to be kicked. I mean it wasn’t physical. I never had any physical abuse in my life, but the emotional abuse that I’ve gone through my whole life. And that I had continued to torment myself with. It’s like hey, let that shit go, you don’t have to live like that anymore, thank you God.

Kim: That’s like at retreat when we do that little exercise where we look into each other’s eyes and just hold the space and just look. And it’s, like for someone to really look at us, and love us, and accept us is so hard. I see you as you are and you’re welcome here, and we want you here. And we want more of you. We want more of you onboard. It’s so humbling. And when we have these stories, this inner dialog telling us we’re not good enough. You’re right, we wouldn’t talk to anyone else the way we talk to ourselves.

And once you’re onto that and you’re in the awareness, and you can call it out and you start stepping into the truth of what you’re seeing, and we quit rationalizing, and excusing, and living in an ideal relationship, something we made up that’s not even true because we make it up in our head. And wait on it especially as 6-2’s we see the higher potential in others. We see as the visionary and so we are waiting on it because we believe in it so much.

Joyce: Wow, that’s – I hadn’t even thought of it that way, Kim, that’s really big. Thank you. Yeah, I have always kind of made it be what I thought it could be because I could see the vision of what it could be. And then just disappointed because it never played out the way I wanted it to.

Kim: So 6-2’s are disappointed because the vision – we have that, we hold that vision and we see so much potential and possibility. And then we expect and so, but once you’re on to it and we recognize then we can actually love the visionary in us. We can love that belief in humanity. We can love that future that we see. That’s the difference between what you saw with me two years ago and what you see with me today that you said has made such a change is I was in this urgent mode.

It’s kind of like when I had kids at home and I needed them to know that this was a sin, and this was wrong, and this is going to get you in trouble. I had this urgency to save them like I only had so much time. And I felt that with the coaching community, I was like, “We have to get this out there.” We were a 28% suicide rate here and it’s week, after week, after week, after week we were burying people. We just buried another mom of – 30 year old mom of two kids a couple of weeks ago and an 18 year old before that. And so I had an urgency that I had to hurry up and tell the world.

But then I’m realizing as the 6-2 visionaries actually we can see that but it doesn’t mean that we have to create it or make it open. And when I was able to do that stop, the SOS, stop so I can see that the sensation of urgency is coming from my thoughts and open to explore is that true. Do I need to, because I was trying to break people through, step so much faster than their physical bodies could even handle it before, you know, their nervous systems couldn’t even handle it.

But I didn’t know, I just thought that everybody could get this now. And then the stay, so it’s for those who are listening it’s this stop, so you can see what is happening. And then open so these sensations can come forward because otherwise you’re going to react to them and say and do things that you don’t really want to do to try to control. And then you stay for 90 seconds, so you stop, open, stay. In 90 seconds the sensations will pass and then you’re not reactive, you’re more responsive. And that’s what you detected.

And that’s the work I was doing that you detected the difference that you were like, “You’re actually so much more approachable.” But at one time it was like you came to yoga and it was like I was straight up and to the point without that exposing first and explaining and educating. So we all have work. And I love that about Self Healing Masters that I am with you guys doing the work. I’m not the guru. I’m not the one who has it all together. I am showing up in human form and I am doing my work as my design and we’re learning and discovering it together.

Joyce: And the healing that’s ongoing is priceless, it’s just absolutely priceless.

Kim: Well, you’ve pretty much done everything now. You’ve done my retreat. You’ve done Danielle’s, you’ve done Peggy’s. You’ve done coach packages with Peggy and Danielle. You’ve done Self Healing Masters.

Joyce: Coaching in the group, yeah. You’ve got to show up. You’ve got to be real and you’ve got to commit and make this important, a priority. And in taking care of yourself then you have so much more to give to other people. And it’s not a chore to give it. It just flows out of you instead of like you’re forcing it. And I’m going to do this for you and you better appreciate it because I’m exhausted now.

Kim: How have your relationships changed?

Joyce: I still have a hard time saying no to my grandson in particular. He was here yesterday and I had said he could spend the night if he wanted. And I was anticipating that he could spend the night and his mom was going to come and get him. And then I said, “Well, I do have a recording session with a friend of mine doing a podcast but he can go upstairs and he can occupy himself.” But see the thing is the people who know me and know that I always have a hard time setting boundaries they’re like, “No, it’s okay. I’ll come and get him because he needs to come home.”

And so once that I saw that happening it was like why do I have such a hard time saying no? I guess because I lived so far away for so long I just want to get as much time with him as I can.

Kim: Yeah. And our conditioning, we talk a lot about emotional manipulation and that, even though it’s not in that relationship, if it’s been in another relationship we bring that fear with us. In other words when we disappoint someone or we say no and then they get upset with us and don’t talk to us for a while. And we live in those kinds of relationships, even though we’re talking to a friend who would never do that, that same scar, that memory in the body is still there.

So whenever you’re going to tell even someone you know, like and trust, know, the mind will say, “Well, what if they won’t like you? What if they’ll be mad? What if they won’t call you again? What if they won’t invite you again? And then we kind of go into this panic and freeze, and then we say things we don’t want to say because we don’t have access to our frontal cortex. We are coming from that worry part of our brain, is that?

Joyce: Yeah, thank you for outlining that for me because I don’t know that I could have put that in words. But thank you, that clarifies it for me.

Kim: The way we relate, the way we have interactions, these old stories, these old belief systems have emotional triggers and scars in our body. And so when we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings because we’re afraid of what that’s going to do and we bring that into – that’s something that we continue learning and doing and bringing up. It’s just awareness. And I love the four agreements for this. It’s not taking anything personally asking questions instead of making assumptions.

Joyce: Yeah, the generation I was brought up in is you weren’t supposed to ask questions. And you weren’t supposed to bother anybody. So those are really old hurdles that I’m still getting over.

Kim: Those are the generational patterns. That’s what makes up our belief system which we call the BS. We’re like call BS on that one, that’s going to be one of our key things. I call BS that is a belief system. Well, I thank you for coming on, for sharing your experience. Is there anything I didn’t ask you that you would want to tell someone else that you would want to invite to come and join us or just anything about the process, or the container, the meditation, anything, you do it all?

Joyce: It’s really a safe place, the Self Healing Masters is just open and yet at the same time it’s safe because everybody – we’re all working kind of on the same issues. So it really bridges that gap to where you really do feel a connection even with different personalities, that doesn’t matter.

Kim: There’s a lot of generators in the group, but we have projectors, we have reflectors, we have a little bit of all the variety. But everyone’s in their proper place as themselves and so it gels so beautifully. For you in particular being a projector, I kind of watch and scan the group to make sure. It’s like you need a direct invitation. This one needs to reflect for us and this one needs to respond. And so we ask and treat each other from that perspective. I think that makes a difference. What do you think?

Joyce: Yeah, I think it’s still taking a little getting used to because it’s so new to us. But it’s definitely a gift. It really is a gift in self-awareness and also in receiving from other people because that’s another big area that I haven’t been very comfortable with receiving. I’ve always given, and given, and given until I didn’t have anything more to give. But now I’m letting kind of it come in and feeling like I’ve got some energy now, yeah, I can do things.

Kim: It’s so good.

Joyce: I can say I think I’m going to be successful in having a happy retirement.

Kim: Yeah, so this is to those who are at any age especially if you find yourself alone, or what would we say, that familiar environment that you are used to because it came at that kind of time for you. And I know this is for many people, there are so many people I have talked to who have realized through this Covid transition that they’re not in the relationship they want to be in because that slowing down and not having so many distractions has bubbled up all of the stuff that’s not working. Alright my friend, I’m going to end this. Thank you so much for coming on the show.

Joyce: Thanks for having me.

                                                                                                                   

Alright folks, that’s a wrap. I hope you enjoyed hearing Joyce’s story. And I also hope that she has inspired you the way that she has done for me, watching the work that is happening in Self Healing Masters has been mind blowing. Guys, you should come over, seriously, look in the show notes, click on the link. Come check it out.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More than Mindset.

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