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More Than Mindset with Kim Guillory | Self Healing with Monique Derouen

When it comes to self healing, so many people just believe it’s not available for them. And if this sounds like a familiar story you’ve told yourself, I want you to tune in and listen closely today because my guest and I are unpacking it and bringing the challenges of this subject into the light.

My guest this week is integrative massage therapist Monique Derouen, and she is no stranger to the work of self healing, both in what she’s achieved herself and helped her clients break through. And we’re here to talk today about the reasons that people struggle with the whole concept of self healing, specifically three things we’ve experienced in our work that will help you guys put your own difficulty in this area into perspective.

Join me this week for a conversation with Monique, as we discuss everything you need to know if you’re struggling with the belief that you can heal yourself. We’re diving into the areas where we’ve struggled personally, where we see this occurring for our clients, and where you can find the answers you’re looking for if this healing work doesn’t feel like it’s available for you right now.

Join me in Self Healing Masters, a program to heal your health, wealth, and relationships. Enrollment gets you lifetime access to my integrated healing approach so you can finally live your life’s purpose and help others. I can’t wait to see you there!


What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • What helped Monique embody the work of self healing and letting go of her pain.
  • How neglecting our self healing shows up in different areas of our lives.
  • The top three reasons why some people can’t seem to make breakthroughs with their internal healing.
  • Why it’s totally normal for this self healing work to be challenging.
  • How Monique works with her clients in understanding their unfelt perceptions and emotional immaturity.
  • What you can do to start focusing your self-healing efforts in a way that will actually move you forward.

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence Coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Kim: Hello, hello, and welcome back to the show. This is Kim, I am your host. And my guest today is Monique. Monique is an integrative massage therapist. She’s been a client of mine for a few years, she’s come through the integrative life coach training. And we have done a lot of deep intimate work, wouldn’t you say, Monique, in the self healing world with ourselves and our clients.

And we’re here to talk today about the reasons that people struggle with the self-healing concept. And so we’re just going to share a little bit about three things that we’ve experienced in our practice to maybe help you guys break through the reasons why you believe it’s not available for you.

So Monique, would you like to introduce yourself?

Monique: Glad to be here with you today. I am Monique Derouen, I am an integrative therapist. So we’ve just combined all of my modalities throughout the years. 24 years of customer service and hands on body work. And I’ve now combined that with nervous system information, and mind body connection work. And just all the things to promote that self-healing internally.

And the work is fascinating, and it’s beautiful. But for years, I tried to understand this. And so I definitely get that part of how, how, how? And going in and out of the belief of, can I do this? Is this available? We’ve witnessed miracles throughout history, this is not anything new. But we’ve been programmed in pattern to believe that there’s only miracles for this person, or that person, or this space, or this class, or this religion or whatever.

And so, yeah, I want to shed some light on that side of stuff. Because for me that was a huge part of really embodying this work and moving through it and understanding how to let go of that pain and these ailments and this lack of ease in the body, and all the stuff that it contributes to. So just excellent information. And I’m super excited to share this with you today and talk about it here.

Kim: All right. So we’re going to get right to it. So we were talking before the call and kind of going over our own data that we have gotten from working with different clients. So we have lots of success stories, and a handful that continue to struggle.

And that’s the ones that show up like in the Facebook group and in our private message. And really it’s not personal. I get that it’s not personal. It is unconscious beliefs, it is unresolved trauma, it is unfelt emotional perception. Just things in their experience, or even things in the household, in the environment that they experienced that really wasn’t theirs but they grew up believing life was a certain way according to the household, or their school, or friends, or whatever it was.

And I was asking you, like what are the top three things that you see when they’re not getting it as quickly as they want to? What would you say is the number one? Like which one that you hear more often that takes the longest to kind of break through?

Monique: You know, I think it’s about that third one that we had kind of discussed, that continuing to look at the problem.

So with the nervous system in general we know that the body feels sensations. And then we attach these meanings to the sensations that we feel. Because we have been told throughout life this is what’s painful. This is what is anxiety. This is what you do when you feel anxiety. This is what you do when you feel pain.

And so we’ve looked for distraction from the outside world to heal the internal dialogue or conversation. And I love that you said unfelt perception because I remember when you taught me that, like digested those words in my body. It was like, “Oh, okay, I get that.”

And so that’s something that I really work with people too is understanding that unfelt perception in the body, that emotional immaturity. These moments where we’ve encountered things and they’re just being retriggered in the body.

And we don’t know any different because we have not been taught that. We have just experienced what our conditioning has taught us and what our programming said. And we just don’t know what we don’t know. And I always go back to that line too. Because it’s just so fascinating and it’s so true for me.

Kim: Unfelt perception, for those who are not familiar with that, is when we had an experience early on but we didn’t fully experience. So we didn’t integrate the experience or the emotions. So then we didn’t have the full understanding, like the holistic understanding or the integrative understanding of what happened.

And then later on that experience gets retriggered. Like that emotion gets retriggered and the mind relates it to whatever the circumstance is at hand, and doesn’t put together that it’s something that’s in the body. But trigger training, which is recognizing the triggers and then training ourselves to experience it differently.

And that’s two things that I remember is, wait a minute, I can’t believe my thoughts. And now I can’t even believe my feelings. Because it’s so tricky, right? Especially in relationships. It’s so tricky that we feel things and we’re like, “It’s his fault. He’s doing this to me. It’s what he did, I saw it, it’s like he’s doing it right now. Here it is again, it’s always happening.” It’s kind of the same thing but we’re talking about like self-healing. That also affects the way we experience the stuff physically in our body.

Monique: And so I want to touch on that relationship thing, because when you said that I just had a flash, you know, we have these little aha’s. And it’s like you remember being a child and being told, “Don’t hurt your brother” or “don’t do that to them,” or “be kind” or “be nice”.

And again, a child’s perception is the emotional response. We don’t think, we’re not thinking creatures when we’re four. We’re not out there just stirring up trouble and trying to make mess. We are just feeling the response in our body. And when someone tells you don’t do that, or you should be ashamed, or we don’t do that to X, Y, Z, the perception, the picture that the mind takes is that memory, is that space.

And again, like you just said, we’re adults and we’re hanging out with our partner, our spouse, or our friends and they do something. And then it’s like, “Oh, I did that to them, they did that to me.” These are the stories that are being activated in us. And it’s so interesting that as adults that emotional immaturity is still there, but we don’t know.

Kim: So we’re hanging out with me, and him, and the four year old child but we don’t know it.

Monique: Yeah, and that toddler is throwing a tantrum. And we all have seen that, we all have experienced that. And we think they should be old enough, they shouldn’t behave this way, right? And then we try to shame blame BS again. And we just cause more shit, more drama.

Kim: Yep. So, when we continue, because here’s the other side of the coin, there’s the not understanding that it’s not the circumstance at hand. And so we don’t have the awareness or the understanding. And then the other thing is always looking for the problem. Always looking to make the connection. We don’t realize that is our brain’s job.

That’s what the mind does. The mind is always trying to gather evidence to paint a picture so that we have understanding. And if there’s nothing there, there’s nothing practical there, it will make shit up.

And I see that hold so many people back. Especially in business, and breaking through scarcity, and I want to change my career, my job, and I want to be an entrepreneur and I want to go out and do my own thing. That is the number one thing that I see get in the way. So are you seeing that with the physical healing, with the self healing?

Monique: Yeah, again, it’s the need. The human desire to have a reason why. It’s so much easier for our minds to make sense of it if there is a why. I did this because… That happened because…

But when it’s tragedy, when it’s trauma, when it’s pain, I mean, we’ve seen sad things occur in this world and our mind doesn’t understand the contrast, the conflict, the chaos that’s necessary for the symptoms to come up so we can heal this.

But we see it as a bad thing, as a negative experience. And we don’t want to be a part of it. And so we want to blame and point fingers and look for rationalizations as to why so the nervous system gets a little pacifier, a little satisfaction.

Kim: A little chew toy.

Monique: Yeah. If I can blame my brother for X, Y, Z, then I don’t have to take responsibility for it, and I can be angry about it. And it’s just easier than saying, “Why does this bother me? Why is this personal to me? Why do I think that they did something to me?”

So it’s the same thing with physical stuff. “Why do I have this illness? Why am I sick?” It’s all of that investigating underneath the skin in the nervous system that does all of this distraction and confusion. And then I think it kind of goes into that, “This doesn’t work for me. I’m the unicorn. That’s not available.” It starts to mirror it into that.

So I think that all of these things kind of go together, as we’re talking about them a little bit more. I’m kind of seeing the unravel now.

Kim: Yeah, it’s so fun to dialogue about it back and forth. And then we just get more and more exposure. Because let’s just face it right now, we don’t know shit. Our mind thinks that it knows, our mind wants to know. We’re always trying to know, to get that satisfaction, to have that chew toy.

And whenever you said that like always looking and investigating, you’re a 5/1, this is your nature. And so there are so many people out there that will always continue to look for things because it is their nature. It’s not mine, but I definitely went through my own experiencing, and I experienced through the search. And so that was real to me.

But as an investigator, and guys, you know I love to dabble a little bit of Human Design because to me it makes me understand us so much better. Like, “Oh, it’s just you investigating again, that’s your role. Your role is to investigate, and then to show us what you found. Beautiful.”

But don’t get hung up in it. When we get hung up in the weeds and we believe we are investigating the solution to a problem that doesn’t exist. That’s what so many people are not getting. They are looking for the modality to heal the thing. But the thing itself is what is the illusion.

How would you say that in your language? Because, guys, Monique and I have this thing. She’s like, “Would you say that a different way?” And sometimes I’m like, “Would you give me an analogy?” Like, “Would you tell me what you mean? Would you give me an example?” And then she’ll ask me like, “Would you say that differently?”

Monique: Yeah, so I am the 5/1, I am the investigator. And I do want all the research, I want all the knowledge. I want to see all sides of the building. I want to see the cracks and the crevices. So like I need to know how it’s built from the ground up.

But what I found, Kim, in being that investigator by design is that I could also investigate the other side. So where there was once hopelessness, I started investigating, what if I actually believed this was possible? What if I actually could make this happen? What if I actually was able to co-create?

And I started kind of dabbling in that idea. And then the world just kind of opened up in a different form. And it was like if I put all the energy into finding the negative, the sad, the scary, the fight, flight, freeze side of me, I’m curious if I can flip it and mirror and start looking for the beauty, and the gratitude, and the joy.

And it was like in that space, we did a lot of work on me. I mean, I had to learn compassion. And still when I think about it, I just want to just melt tears because it was like I was so hard. I was so angry. I was so hurt. And it was so hard for me to see that possibility, or that people were kind or genuine or that I could be something different.

Kim: You were so protective.

Monique: Yeah, I was so scared.

Kim: That was the word I would say, like when you’re saying that, what I sensed and felt I was like, “Hold on, drop the wall of defense and just trust.” But it was protection, it wasn’t defense as in defiant.

It was defense as in I need to protect, I can’t go there, I can’t go into that old stuff or those stories or these feelings that was buried really, really deep. And that’s where what you just said was so brilliant, the compassion. It’s the self-compassion.

There’s nothing more powerful than clean compassion. So that’s not compassion for others. We have compassionate and empathy and pity and all that stuff, but we don’t really know how to use it on ourself. And so when we’re talking about self-healing, that’s one of the first things, is really understanding that child aspect of us, it just wants to be heard and seen. That scared part, that hurt part, that sad part.

And when we can be brave enough, and very often it takes someone else to hold the space to give us the courage. But when we can be brave enough to go all the way in and feel that and hold that compassionate space for ourself.

I’m saying that in my own way, guys, so when she says it one way and I say it another way, it’s not that one’s right or wrong. It’s just that the conversation is so much richer because depending on the person and how they receive the information we can speak to a variety of people and say the same thing.

Monique: And it was, it was that as soon as I felt safe, what happened? Neck stopped, TMJ stopped, back stopped, I lost forty something pounds over a year. What happened? Everything opened up, everything cleared up. My energy flowed different because I wasn’t in restraint.

I wasn’t in punishment of myself. I wasn’t in disbelief that this wasn’t available. I could see, because I had a visceral response. I had a nervous system calming that allowed me to go deeper.

And that safe space that you, as a mentor, as a coach, the compassion and understanding that you bring for the emotional immaturity that is in us, was something that I had never been extended before. I didn’t know that that was a thing that people could do.

And so even in unraveling all of that we were able to see how the physical body will shift when the nervous system feels safe. And so that was beautiful for me.

Kim: What just came through for me was imprinting safety and trust. Imprinting safety and trust. When we can have a visceral experience of calm acceptance no matter what. Whether we’re the four year old child or the 40 year old bitch, whatever it is, when someone can allow us to be that fully, then we don’t have to have that wall. We don’t have to have that protection.

And this probably pains me more than anything in this work, is being able to see that wall and not being able, they just won’t let you in because that distrust. And dishearteningly there’s nothing we can do at that point.

Monique: No. But it is, it’s so hard to feel safe when your mind has created the most unsafe environment your entire life. And your nervous system doesn’t know the difference.

Kim: Yeah, your nervous system, like the neuro pathways the nervous system are actually acclimating to the survival. And that’s the part, that right there is the secret. I mean, if we could just teach over and over and over and over, it would be understanding the defense mechanism and how our nervous system now has a memory to that. And we’re reacting and responding to this memory that it’s actually-

I’ll give an example. So a few mornings ago I was getting up for CrossFit. And it was dark so I went into the utility room. And I could hear the dog barking and so I kept the light off and I was looking through the window. And I saw like a frogging light, like a big flashlight across the back of my business, which is on the same property but across.

And I was like, “Oh my God.” My heart started pounding. I got super scared, but in my mind I was okay. I was going to investigate. So I came around, I went underneath the carport, I came out by the dog. And from the window I saw a vehicle in my parking lot and I was like, “Oh shit, someone’s breaking into my business.”

So when I get outside by my car and I look I see it flashing, it is like set up. And I’m like, “No, this is like for real.” When my body was, like I could feel it pulsating. It was like an anxiety, it was like protection, right? And I look over at the parking lot and there’s four vehicles.

Now it’s five o’clock in the morning. There’s four vehicles and a floodlight behind my business, across from my house. It’s like unsafe, right? Everything in my body was responding and reacting to that so that I could flight, right? I could protect, I could go into defense.

And in my head, I said, “Oh, that’s the roofers.” The roofing material had been there since the hurricane, I mean months, they just hadn’t had the chance to come do it. But they did say one morning we’ll just show up. And so, like it came to my mind and I was like, “Oh, it’s the roofers.” Like there’s five vehicles, four or five vehicles and lights on, they’re waiting for daybreak to start putting the roof on.

We left for exercise at 5:30. We got to the gym and started at six. My body was still, I told Bridget, I was like, “I still feel it. My heart was still palpitating.” I was like I can’t even take any energy juice before my workout because my system was still at it.

So that’s a beautiful example. There was nothing unsafe. But what came up for me, I’m not kidding, I’m going to tell you the exact scenario. It was this house, a white house with a porch. It was wooden. I was a teenager. And I was babysitting, and someone came to the porch. And that’s what I felt.

But I was stuck in the house and I didn’t know what to do, and they wouldn’t leave. So I wasn’t safe. But that’s a memory, an imprint in my body.

And so when we can explain it with these case scenarios, like the dog that chased you on the bike, or the person who said the thing that you weren’t able to fully experience, that’s locked in the body. Because does it make sense that for 45 minutes, an hour even, I mean, I was even talking about it a couple of days ago, that I could still feel it in my system.

And so when we can recognize that it’s actually just a response, it’s a nervous system response, it’s a neuro pathway memory, it’s like those things can be changed. Sorry, I know that took a long time. I feel like it took up the space, but it was surreal. I mean I had to lay down for a moment because what happened? I didn’t go into like going after them. I completely shut down. I went into this, it was like a fawn stuck in headlights. Like I was just like froze.

Monique: But that’s the beauty of the nervous system.

Kim: Yeah, do we really want that defense to go away? No.

Monique: No, you need to know when the bear is chasing you. You need to know don’t go in front of a car, don’t jump in front of the train. We need that part of us. But we think it’s a problem, we’re trying to get rid of it. We take medication to get rid of the anxiety, like all the things.

And I remember being in that space like, “I can’t feel this. This isn’t safe, I’ve got to do something to decompress, to combat.” So we buffer, we use drugs, we do whatever to get out of those sensations. And again, all of that goes into just not understanding what’s happening in our body.

Imagine if when we were six, we were taught about feelings and the nervous system in first grade. How cool would that have been, right? Not the reality that I grew up in. But it’s what I want to start teaching people.

That’s what I want to start telling the babies coming into the world. Like it’s okay to feel this. It’s okay to eject and make noise. It’s okay to be sad and freak out. The more we push the shit back in our body, the more it comes out in our adult lives that it fucks everything up.

Kim: Well we come out screaming and crying.

Monique: And they want to shut us up, put a pacifier in our mouth. Let me be heard.

Kim: All right, I don’t want to hang out too long. We said we would talk about three things. So number one is not understanding. And it’s not scientific, you can’t prove that.

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: It’s experiential, that’s one of the one of them, right? That you’re just like, “Great, that’s fine. But I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not in my head. It really does hurt.” Yeah, we’re not saying it doesn’t hurt. We’re not saying it’s not real, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue.

We’re saying that the way that the body and the system has been responding has actually created the problem. And the way to release it is to bring it back into balance. Which is when we’re talking about homeostasis and getting into the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the going from the fight, flight, freeze, freak into relax and calm.

And then we can create the new neural pathways. Then we can come up with the, I am safe, this is just a light at five o’clock in the morning brought on by the roofers. No one is out to get me. And it’s like just reminding ourself I am safe. It’s okay to experience this. It’s uncomfortable until we get more comfortable with it through practice. That’s like the exposure, right?

So that was one. And the other is we look at the problem as if it’s a problem and investigate. And that’s actually what keeps it going. And then the other one was, I’m a unicorn. That works for you, it doesn’t work for me. And that’s a limited belief. That is an unconscious BS.

What we call BS is belief system, that it works for you. Yeah, great Monique that you lost 40 pounds. Great that you’re healed. Great that you don’t have TMS or you don’t have TMJ or you don’t have any of those issues anymore. But that’s because you have… That’s because you’re married to whoever. That’s because you don’t have the problem that I have. That’s because you don’t live where I live that.

Yes? You’re laughing. Y’all can see, we’re on video but she’s laughing.

Monique: Because of who I’m married to, that that one kind of got me. But yeah, I have heard that. “Well, you left Louisiana. So it’s easy for you over there.” No, boo, Louisiana came with me. It was all inside of me, it’s who I am. I still get crazy. The Cajun will come out. But we have a conversation because I have learned to love that part of myself.

Kim: Yes.

Monique: The crazy, the sad, the trauma, the drama, the
pain. I have learned to love all of my story and I refuse to put her down.

Kim: Mm-hmm. Is there anything that will keep someone stuck? Because we we’re not going to sit here and say we have 100% success rate. People quit.

Monique: Yeah, all the time.

Kim: And people get mad at us.

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: Like if they’re coming into coaching and they haven’t made the money, or if they didn’t get the client, or if they didn’t do the thing. Whatever their perception was of what they thought it was going to look like doesn’t come true. They’re still hurting six weeks into the program, or six months into the program they’re still having symptoms.

I mean, we do have people who eject. And these are the reasons that they typically eject. That’s what I wanted to talk about today on the show is, is there anything else that you see or hear from those who just can’t believe it’s going to work for them?

Monique: I’ve heard all kinds of things, kick-back from different people. You can’t prove that, the medical field doesn’t support it, blah, blah, blah. Which is all great. I get it. I remember going through that and questioning it too. And it’s just part of the transition, it’s part of the uncovering and the investigation that I was so good at.

And so it’s like keep asking questions. Keep going back to yourself and inquiring, “Is this true? Or does it just feel uncomfortable for me?” It was one of the things that I really had to- And I tell myself all the time, “Back in your body. Back in your body. Back in your body.” It’s literally like a chant in my head now.

And my clients do the same thing. They’re like, “I heard you say get back in your body, get back in your body.” And it’s just like that moment to connect and allow the nervous system to just exhale. And if that’s all you get, it’s something and it’s valuable. And you can build on that.

Kim: Yeah, so for those who are not sure what we’re talking about, it’s like just close your eyes, take a breath and feel into the center of your heart. For some of you, it’s going to be felt into your belly, like breathe into your belly and feel it expand. And for some, breathe into the soles of your feet, or into your toes. But breathe somewhere in your body. Especially for 5/1s, 1/3s, if you know your human design.

If you are more on the intellectual side where you are always searching and looking, the answer is in the body. And I get that a lot of people don’t understand that because I get those messages like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And it’s a practice, but it often takes that person to mirror, to hold, to be there to take you into it through imagination. Because we can draw pictures in their minds, and we can take them places because we have access to it.

Not because we’re the healer or we’re the whatever, the star shining, beaming, unicorn, whatever. It’s not that, it’s because we’ve accessed it. That’s it. It’s because we’ve accessed it. We’ve integrated the experience, and we’ve embodied and created a new imprint. That’s it. We are not unicorns. We are not different. We are not special. And no one is.

Monique: I think for me it was the willingness to learn to love myself unconditionally. And be able to do that with other people and see that it’s not them, but the unconscious story inside of them that is coming out or being exposed.

And, again, in that space, it’s just that compassion, that clean compassion that you can reflect back to them because you’ve experienced it for yourself as well. It’s that gentleness and that kindness, and I know that they aren’t arguing with me. It’s not personal. It’s what’s going on inside of the body and it’s just coming up, it’s just being spit out. And it’s valid for them. That’s real.

And so it’s honoring that part. I think, you know, you’ve talked about that little baby bird or the little cat, it’s that same gentleness. Just being able to see the child inside of them that really is just needing to be heard or seen. And not they’re bad kids, or acting up, or being rude. It’s just truly what’s being felt in their body.

Kim: So when you’re first doing this work and it starts bubbling up, like you’re saying, Monique, all those experiences start coming up to the surface, it’s messy. It’s like the rash that comes out of your skin, right? Like you’ve had that experience, I’ve had that experience. When we are starting to truly step into who we’ve always been we’ve got to shed that mask. And sometimes it does show up physically ugly.

And what I was just thinking about is it’s like breaking a fever. Like that sweat that comes through that leaves. But that’s a release. Like releasing the toxins, the poisons, the things that were creating the illness, that were creating the sickness. When the fever breaks, we’re soaking wet and then we have the chills.

So it’s that change, but we want to not be uncomfortable, and we want to fix it, we want it to go away. And that’s been the band aid fix. And we’re totally not against medicine. We’re trying to bridge the gap between mind, body, medicine and to bridging it together. There is a place for medicine, thank God we have it, we’ve come such a long way. The problem is when we go to the doctor for the emotional root cause and want it solved.

So it’s go to the doctor to help with the symptoms, or to diagnose the problem. So get that, but whenever it’s chronic, because you’ve already been cleared. And here’s what I hear so often, they can’t find anything. They can’t find what’s wrong. They can’t give me a diagnosis.

That’s one of the telltale signs when someone is struggling, can’t get that solution. Because I did that, you did that, we went everywhere. I mean that’s why we’re so over certified and educated, because we were trying to fix it for ourself.

So the last thing I wanted to mention is the family environment. So when you’re working with someone, and they’re all gung ho, “Oh my god, I need to go hang out with you for six weeks. And every time I’m with you, it feels so good and I feel so much better.” And then they get bombarded I’ll say or contaminated by the naysayers. Do you see that in with your clients?

Monique: Yeah, after a couple months they’re like, “Nobody understands me. Nobody relates to me. Nobody gets me.” And then they start talking about that kind of stuff. And again, it’s that it goes back into this doesn’t work for me unicorn stuff, right? So it’s like if that’s a reason, it’s not available for me, I can fail in advance.

It’s so hard, it’s so scary to feel emotions. We think that we will die. We have been told not to cry, be quiet, don’t do that, boys don’t cry. I mean, the list goes on. And so, again, as a child the perception, the nervous system believes that story.

And so it’s not even safe for me to shiver and allow my adrenaline to pump. It’s not even safe for me to cry in public because what will they say? It’s not safe for me to get angry because they won’t love me.

So we just push down the tissue over and over and over and we don’t feel anything. And for me, that’s been the thing, like feeling the emotions, actually experiencing the discomfort and knowing that it only lasts for a few minutes. But we can’t see that when we’re in it.

Kim: And I think this is when we separate the DIY from the support.

Monique: Oh yeah.

Kim: If we didn’t have a community to reach out to, if you didn’t have a coach to call, the mind gets carried away with that stuff. And it’s like, “Here it goes again, this is it. I knew all along it wasn’t true.” All that stuff starts.

And then here’s the thing about the environment, is if you are trying to convince someone else of what you’re learning, you’re going to get that. That’s the catalyst for you believing even deeper. That’s throwing diamonds to the swine, right? You’re throwing the gems to the disbelief and expecting them to like it, or to agree with it, or to play along with you. And that’s a big ask.

Monique: Yeah, and even in that, it’s like trying to prove something to someone who has not unveiled any of their own story, they just aren’t going to see that. And it wastes so much energy, and time, and effort where I could be contributing to my own healing, my own nervous system, and just showing up and doing my own work. Rather than trying to convince people out there of what to do.

I mean, I go back and forth with this all the time. I know what I know. I am certain about this work. I have seen it too many times, the evidence is there. I have no problem saying it’s real and it works.

Others don’t necessarily agree with that. They believe in biology, and science, and they want the nutritional content, and they need all the information. And again, it’s just what we’ve been programmed and patterned to learn, it’s what we were taught. And so question things, investigate for yourself, get curious.

Kim: And it’s not one or the other, it’s all of it, it’s both. Science has proven this. I mean, we have people who are bringing together science and spirituality, science and healing, the mysticism.

Monique: But we can measure energy.

Kim: Yeah, I mean, there’s like so much data on yoga, and just the effects. And there is scientific evidence. It’s all what they’re looking for. So if they’re looking to dispel, and to disagree, and to put down then that is exactly what they’re going to find.

So I want to leave this conversation with, if you look for the evidence of how it can work for you, if you look for all of the things that you can love about yourself. If you look for all of the resources that you already do have within yourself, what would you say? What’s your final?

Monique: Yeah, I mean, that’s kind of what I was saying earlier. Just that self-exploration, that investigation, that I’m willing to question the other side of this. Just for your own knowledge, just for your own self, if you’re interested. If you’re not, don’t spend the time, don’t put the energy, live your life. It’s okay, ignorance is bliss, too.

I also have spots in my life where I’m so glad I didn’t have this information, because she couldn’t have handled it. And so I honor that part of myself. And I love that and it’s okay. And if you’re out there living your life and you love everything, and nothing’s wrong, and you’re digging it, cool, be you, enjoy it. This isn’t for you.

But if you are struggling, if you are suffering, if you have pain, and you have tried all the things and you just can’t wrap your head around where it comes from, just take a moment to investigate. Just take it for yourself. It’s out there, the information is there.

And we’re open books on this. I mean, we publicly talk about this work and with no shame. I mean, I know I’m an open book. And I’ve gone through my levels of life, and my trauma, and my stories, and I see it. It’s so clear for me.

And I just would like to offer that for anybody else that wants to investigate. Just it’s beautiful to just kind of look at your stuff if you want to clean it up. If you don’t, that’s okay too. We don’t have a preference. Like we don’t care. It’s not up to us to decide what you want for your life.

Kim: No, I think you and I decided long ago that we’re just here for the ride. And it’s been so great stepping into that, why would we go back to wanting to control and manipulate or convince? I just don’t want to go back to it.

So Monique works with one on one clients. I will link her information below, her contact information. So if you want to book a consult or, Monique, I think you have a waiting list. But they can also find her on social media, on Facebook, we’ll put all that. She’s in the More Than Mindset Facebook group, in case you forget the name or whatever you can just like come into there and we put the podcast there every week also and on YouTube. So any final words before we hop off?

Monique: Just planting a little bit of hope, if you want healing, it’s available. And don’t give up on yourself if you need something. And just do the investigation and ask the questions. And look for the support from the people that are open to this topic would be my best feedback for that.

Kim: All right, that’s what we have for you this week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.

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More Than Mindset with Kim Guillory | ADHD Beliefs and Behaviors with Kayla Kincanon