Ep #166: Self-Preserve or Serve

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Hello and welcome back to the More Than Mindset show. So this week I am talking about self-preservation. This is a big deal. This is why I see so many coaches and practitioners who are stuck when they are trying to become entrepreneurs.

So let me just say, first of all, I have been self-preserving so I am finally using the Sprinter. So I bought this several months ago, matter of fact I think it was January because I think it was right around January 1st. We’re now in April and I am still self-preserving. I am so afraid to get in this thing and go on a road trip. I’m afraid I’m not going to know how to use the water and what to do about this diesel and just things. I’m just scared just because it’s unfamiliar.

And so what happens when we want to do something new or different, our mind starts telling us stories. It tells us not to do it, we need to be careful. All of the warnings and the conditionings of the past, the things that people have told us about starts coming up in our mind and replaying these scenarios, these very scary scenarios.

And it doesn’t really make sense because there’s a part of me, I mean, I’ve been alive for 50 something years, I’ve done a lot of things and I haven’t died yet. You know, I’m still here. But self -preservation is legit. So it has kept me from getting in the van and going on a road trip. I’ve actually considered selling it because it’s like if I’m not going to use it then it’s no use I have it. I already have a Yukon, I don’t really need this, right?

So I’m really watching how crazy my mind is and all of the stories that it’s telling me. And I see this as the same thing with coaches and health and wellness practitioners, entrepreneurs when you are creating this new business, that you’re so afraid to fail or get it wrong, or you don’t know enough, impostor syndrome is like way out here. And all of this freaking out is coming from the mind.

And what’s happening is you’re trying to self-preserve. You’re trying to stop yourself from making a fool, from being ashamed, from someone talking about you or being right about you. But guys, all of that stuff is made up. It is seriously an illusion. It’s stories from the past. You are not what people told you. You are not what happened to you. You are not the warnings, and the damnation, and the fear mangling that’s been coming on to you. You’re not that.

You are a brave, and courageous, and passionate, purpose driven human, soul, essence. That is just the behavior of the mind. That is how we try to keep ourselves alive according to the mind. Because the mind believes if we feel shame, if we experience shame, if we fail, that we will die. And I can read you the definition of self-preservation and prove this to you. I’m going to pull it up for you right now.

The protection of oneself from harm or death, especially regarded as a basic instinct in human beings and animals. The problem is, you are not going to die if you feel ashamed, if you feel embarrassed, if you don’t attain your goals, if you don’t win the race. You will not die. And that is the thing that’s stopping you from signing up, from telling people what you do, from offering to help someone else.

And this is the conclusion that I have come into, when you are serving, you are not self-preserving. So you are not in self-preservation when you’re thinking of someone else. You’re actually in self-preservation when you’re thinking of yourself. That is ego. And so if you have done your work, if you have a skill set, if you have a gift, if you have something to offer the world in order to improve it, it is your job to get it out there.

And if you are so worried about what you look like and what people are going to say about you, that you are serving yourself. You are serving your ego. You are not doing what you want to be doing. It’s because you’re listening to these lies, because you’re listening to these stories. And I mean, for many of us it was our parents, or our siblings, or our friends that were like, “Girl, you don’t want to wear that. You’re going to look like a fool.” Right? I mean, we were told all these things.

But guys, we’re not that anymore. We’re not kids. We’re not that awkward teenager. We’re not that and so it’s time to stop living it. Because you believe that, you’re taking those actions or you’re reacting to the sensations, to the feelings in your body. But once you understand it, then you have a choice.

And so if you commit to serving, to helping humanity like as a way of contributing, because that’s what we’re here to do. It feels good for us to contribute to the world. It feels good for us to help other people when we’ve been helped. We’ve got the resources, we have the understanding, we’ve learned the lessons. And it’s just the natural next step to step into leadership, or role model, or servant in order to help others come along.

We’re in this together. Humanity is one team. But when you are serving yourself or serving to protect yourself from feeling something, you’re actually not doing what you want to do, so you’re not getting the satisfaction and the fulfillment. So that’s what I have for you this week, is to really consider do you want to be in self-preservation or do you want to be in service? And are you willing to take that next step in order to do it?

It’s going to be a little uncomfortable, let’s just get that over with. This used to be uncomfortable. Now I’m on here almost every day, right? I’ve been recording the podcast for almost 170 episodes. This has been going on for years. My body is no longer freaking out. It’s because I recognized that I was worried about being embarrassed, or falling on my face, or like having some sort of shame exposed about me, that people were going to pick on me, say something about me.

So what? They’re going to say it anyway. If anything, you should be worried about how many people won’t see you and how many messages you have to put out and how many times you have to show up because of the algorithm and the way that all of this stuff works. You’ve got to like multiply it times 100 and really put yourself out there.

So I really want you to consider this, let me know if this was helpful. If you know someone else who needs to hear this, who has amazing talent to share with the world and they are sitting in freakout mode, send it to them and say, listen, you need to listen to this gal, she’s talking about exactly this.

Because guys, I spent a lot of years self-preserving. And there’s nothing more satisfying and fulfilling than contributing as myself authentically, in integrity, in authenticity. Like these are the words that you can start telling yourself that it’s okay to be you. It’s okay to be unique. It’s okay to be different. Don’t try to be like someone else.

When you’re being yourself, you’re going to be able to show up boldly and courageously. And you’re going to be able to serve your heart’s desire. And that is contributing. We’re here to contribute. We’re here to connect, we’re here to create, right, and we’re here to do it together. We help each other.

So I hope that was helpful. And also wish me well on the trip. By the time you get this, I should already be out there and done. So I would love to hear from you. Come into the More Than Mindset Facebook group, share this with a friend, leave a review, let other people know so that I can get the message out or so you can help me get the message out that you can heal your life.

You are not your past, you are not what happened to you, and you are not the conditioning that was imprinted upon you from this world. We are here to change generational cycles. We’re here to break those patterns so that we can reach our potential. I did it, I want to help you do it, you want to help other people do it, boom, let’s go do it. Okay? Got it? We agree? Thumbs up, you’re committed? Yes? Let me know.

All right, my friends, have an amazing week and go do something scary. And when your mind is telling you all of these things that are going to go wrong, just pause and watch the story play out. And then you can maybe even agree with it. Like yes, I hear you, I get that and I have been afraid of that. I’m not going to resist. I’m not going to argue with you. I realize you’re just my mind. It’s just the thoughts that come outside of my head that create trouble for me.

It’s like I recognize you, I see you. Okay, now what? Just allow that moment of awareness so that you can see it playing out because if you try to resist it and you try to bypass and try to make it go away, then you won’t actually move through it. So you want to process the whole experience. You want to feel the discomfort, and then you want to go do the thing anyway. Does that make sense?

So it’s three steps, you want to stop. You want to recognize the unconscious. You want to open to curiosity. That is going to resolve what’s going on in your mind, which is the brain is setting up a defensive mechanism which is producing a massive amount of chemical that’s triggering some unworthiness, or some imposter syndrome, or some sort of unhealed shame that’s inside of your system.

And then your mind is making up a story as if that were true, as if it were reality, if it were something that was really happening. But it’s not, it’s all just made up in the mind. Because here’s the thing, the mind has not experienced what it hasn’t experienced, what it doesn’t know. So in other words, you can’t take yourself to it ending well because it hasn’t seen that yet.

So the mind is just here talking, and saying things, and replaying the experience back to you. But when you’re going out there and doing something new and different, let’s say you’re becoming a new entrepreneur or you’re changing your business, and you’ve never done it before, your mind is just doing its job. It’s just reenacting, it’s playing out the scenarios of the past, the worst case situations.

And so you have to bring your mind into alignment. You’re like, yep, I hear you, I can see that. And I’m going to do this anyway because I want to experience what I feel called to experience. I want to experience my purpose, my passion, what I’m excited about. I want to help other people the way that I’ve been helped, that’s important to me.

And so you’re kind of going to feel like a crazy person, we just start talking to ourself. That’s okay, you just want to watch your mind do it, don’t give into it. Breathe, feel the sensation, do not get caught up in the emotions. They’re not true, they’re not real, they’re not legitimate. The emotions are just a sensation in your body that’s coming up as a chemical response. And then the mind is telling you a story about when you felt that in the past. And then it’s triggering something in you.

So do not give in to the fickly feelings and don’t give into the stories that your mind is telling you. Tap in, tap into your heart, tap into your belly, tap into the body. Body accesses healing and awareness. All right.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.