Ep #228: The Space In Between

 

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Ep #228: The Space In Between

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach, Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hi. Hey there, and welcome back to the show. So, this week is all about our wellness challenge. So we’re doing a five day free wellness challenge and so many things. I’ll say things, wisdom and. Interesting concepts has come through since delivering that, and that is one of the things that I want to talk about today.

So, on day one, I was teaching the foundation of mindset and understanding our belief systems where beliefs come from the power of our thoughts, and also understanding how feelings and emotions are compelling us into action. And so I come from a healing world. Which is all about feeling and energy and understanding the subconscious.

They also come from a mindset world, which is cognitive behavior therapy, understanding that thoughts become things, and that we actually create our results from our understanding of life, from our experience, from the decisions that we make from the way that we think. So, I come from both worlds, but what I have done really well is bridge the two.

And that’s what I want to talk about today, I’ve actually called this, the space in between and I was going to put up a post. Matter of fact, I put up a post and then I put it in private and I didn’t actually make it visible. And it was really like your results or the reason that you haven’t broken through some of the things that you want, like extra weight, not enough money, not getting, having the relationship that you want, like those sorts of things.

It’s really not a mystery. Like, we love to look at extra weight or not being able to lose weight or not being able to heal our body as some sort of phenomenon. There’s like a hidden secret that we need to go run some tests and we need to figure out what our hormone level is or how many grams of whatever we need to eat.

 

And guys, that’s just not true. It’s just not. It’s way simpler than that. I have extra weight on my body because I eat when I am feeling discomfort instead of staying in the emotion. And choosing not to act out to buffer, to hide with food, to try to mask what’s going on. That’s why pretty simple. If you eat to nourish yourself and you eat just to the point of satisfaction, so you eat to feel and fuel your body, you’re not going to be overweight, you’re not going to have extra weight.

But if you eat for other reasons, like to entertain yourself. To not feel negative emotion to stuff, whatever is going on, to try to stuff it down and press it down inside of yourself. Those are the reasons. When you eat for reasons other than physical hunger, then you will have extra weight. And it’s kind of the same thing with money and with clients and with relationships.

It’s very simple. It is not a huge mystery. And the answer to all of this solving all of these problems is in between feelings and facts. Because when you are caught up in the emotion, like when you think the thought, I have all this extra weight on me, it’s going to take forever for it to come off. You feel like pretty much in despair, you feel impatient, and you feel frustrated, feels like it’ll never happen, right?

So, you get somewhat aggravated and negative and kind of pouty. Those emotions, those negative emotions are what you’re trying to cover up and not feel. If you are willing to just feel it, then that urgency to cover it up, to hide it would actually go away because you would integrate the process, which just means, I know that’s a big word.

Integrating the process or the experience means I was fully in, I was aware, I noticed I stayed and then it dissolved, period. But the reason that we struggle in our relationships and with our money and with our bodies is because we don’t do that. Instead, we buy into the emotions. We buy into the feelings, and we believe it’s true.

And so, our body has these sensations, and we react to the sensations. That’s one side, that’s the emotion side. And where there is high emotion, there is low intellect. You do not have access to the frontal cortex, to the decision maker, to the action taker when you’re in a nervous system response, like when your body is responding to some of those sensations or when.

It goes into this nervousness, this pressure, this panic, this disappointment. So, when you’re caught in the emotions, you’re actually not using the part of your brain to take action and get outta that situation. So, the intellect is very low when the emotions are high, but we don’t know that. So, we just try to stuff them down.

We try not to feel, we try not to experience negativity. And so we have all this positive sunshine and daisies and we’re like, this is the thing that I love and disagree with the spiritual world is it is a lot of feeling and experiencing without. And so when you are always in, how do I feel? What do I feel, how I shouldn’t feel this way?

I need to feel like that. Then you’re actually not using the part of your brain to take action to get you to the results that you want to meet your goals, to attain the thing that you’re working towards. And so let’s just use the example of weight loss. So, if you want to lose 30 pounds, but you’ve got this thought about how uncomfortable you are, how hard it is, how long it’s going to take, and now you’re buried in those emotions.

Then your brain’s so busy articulating and figuring out and resisting that it can’t get out of the situation. So, that’s the left side, and you can say left or right, doesn’t matter. But one side is the emotions. Very high emotions. The other side is facts. And so, what you’re looking for is in between the feelings and the facts.

Now you can take the facts and you can become very masculine, very hard, and you can lose empathy and compassion and not like bring in feelings at all. And that’s like the other side of the problem. I see that, but actually I think it’s a little more effective because those guys actually get results.

And I shouldn’t say guys and girls get results because they’re taking action. They have a goal. They know what the facts are, and they know how to get it, and they’re not bought into the emotion. Now, there’s a lot of negativity about this side of the world, which I want to talk about today because I think there’s a problem.

You don’t find many of these in this world, like in this spiritual, feely, empathetic, compassionate world. But you don’t find a lot of results in this world. You find a lot of results in this world, right? These people know what they’re doing, how to get it done. Now, it could be imbalanced. Maybe they could use a little bit of time feeling into their feelings, recognizing emotions, being empathetic and compassionate.

Would we all agree? Could be so? If you can find the space in between, you can actually reach the goal that you want to reach. So, the way that I see, and this is all just from experience and working with tons of clients, is when we fate, we get really neutral and it dissolves all of those emotions. So, just try it.

When you’re caught in a spin, when you’re like into this, it’s going to take forever. It’s so hard. I’m really struggling. I want to eat. Chances are you want to eat because you don’t want to feel what you’re feeling. Just test it. So, when you are actuating, you’re writing only what’s true, only what others can agree and can be proven.

If that’s not the case, then it doesn’t go on that side. Got it? So, I call this actuating. If you remember a few episodes back, I was like, I think I made the word up. I didn’t find it in the dictionary. Maybe it exists. I don’t care. It’s just part of my learning process. So, when you fate and you find neutral ground, then you have access to the part of your brain that solves problems, makes decisions, and takes action.

So, that’s why you want to find the space in between feelings and facts. You don’t want to be all about facts and not be relatable and not be in relationship and not be understanding and compassionate. That’s just a little Just feels off. Yeah, just feels off. I don’t know if I have a better word for it.

It feels a little exteriorly rough and disconnected or disjointed. And so, a little robotic, a little AI. It’s like you just have the information and you just take the steps. That’s like a robot. I don’t really want to be in relationship with that. I want to be in a relationship that I can actually relate to and we can be in the entirety of the experience.

Would you agree? Just curious. So, my husband tends to be very factual. I tend to be very emotional. I’m very creative. He’s very black and white, so I’ve got 30, about 35 years of experience with him. Now, I used to think he was the problem. I got to tell you, he was hard. He didn’t understand, he wasn’t loving.

Like I had all of these stories about him, and I was so much better because I loved people and I need people in my life. And so, I made a story about that. And just so you know, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve changed the tune. I have a lot of respect for this guy who’s got discipline, commitment, integrity. He takes action; he says and does what he says he’s going to do.

Very dependable and reliable. I love that. He takes care of things. Turns out, he would’ve been better at home with the kids and cooking cleaning than me like I’m really looking in the mirror at this and how I used to judge him for so many things. I didn’t want him to discipline the kids because that was going to wound them and harm them.

I turned the table on that one too, because I’m going to give you an example. We were at a ballgame this weekend and we had this team that usually wins it all. And then we had our team that usually doesn’t. Okay, so these are the two teams that are playing, and I don’t think this is a tangent. It’s going to relate.

And what I saw and experienced, it’s kind of like the Cajun Navy. If you guys know anything about Louisiana and the Cajun Navy, we don’t wait on the government. We just get out there and get shit done. So, that’s what this ball team did. These little guys. Now listen, they’re young, they’re under 10, and they knew we have to hit the ball.

We have to run; we have to throw the ball and get the other kids out. That’s what they knew. It did not look polished in professional like the Cajun Navy either. They’re just like, where’s the problem? Let’s go get it. That’s how they went into the game. And then we have the other team here, like I said, that usually has the reputation, and they win, and they do.

I have to tell you the experience of watching these two teams play and this team, when there was a call from the referee, the coaches came running out and they had a problem with the call. And if there was like dirt hitting the wrong way or the little kids’ foot got touched, there was like, let’s stop and let’s, you know, feel our emotions and let’s take care of the like.

It was like a lot of stop in the game so that we can argue and serve injustice or whatever, get that right. And then there was a lot of attention given to the problems or the excuses, right? That’s where the focus was, and this team, they fell, they got hit the same calls because it was the same the same unfair calls.

This coach would say that’s all right. You know what to do. Get out there, get him out, get the ball, let’s go. So, he would acknowledge the call was off and we’re still going to play ball. So, in other words, here’s the circumstance and then here’s the thought about the circumstance. So, this team had what thought about that circumstance and this team had what thought about the same circumstance.

And then there was a different feeling and then there was a different action. And guess what? There was a different result. The kids that got out there with more of this driver, y’all hear me talk a lot about drivers. Their drive was to win. That was it. We are going to play. We’re going to have fun.

We’re going to win. We’re going to hit the ball; we’re going to get them out. Let’s go. They scored 21, the scored seven. Now, it was really interesting to watch the way that it played out when it came to like, because I don’t want to say that we don’t want to give attention, but there was acknowledgement and recognition.

Yes, I get it. I see. That’s all right. Let’s keep playing. And then there was recognition and it’s a problem. It’s unfair we need to do, and so it kind of reminded me of the entrepreneur and the government. So, it’s a lot of handicapping and enabling and giving a lot of attention and trying to make it a fair just world.

And then there’s like, I put all of my life’s savings into this business. I got to make it work. What else can I sell? What else can I do? Who else needs this? And you get super creative because you’re committed. And so, that’s the difference. The fact is I put in a hundred thousand dollars. This business has to work.

I’m not going to make a fool of myself in front of my family. I’m not going to fail. I’m not. I trust my intuition. I trust that people need this. I’m just going to go and get it done, and I’m going to keep trying things until I figure it out. And then you have the other side where we need to stop and feel and we need to make sure, and we need to, we all get the same exact, like, I just want to tell you that this is on my mind because I work with healers and coaches and the biggest obstacle is this.

They’re so worried about feeling uncomfortable. They’re so worried about experiencing shame. They’re so worried about failing or looking like a fool, and like there’s so much ego. They’re not actually serving other people. They’re serving themselves. It’s all about self-preservation so that we look good and we look like we got our shit together and they’re helping no one, and they’re not making money.

That is that world. The other world is I’m going to help people. I have the tools, I have what they want. I have the recipe, and it would be sinful. It would be a disgrace for me to keep that to myself. I’ve got to go get this into the hands of more people. I don’t care what people say about me. I don’t care what people think.

I don’t care who likes me or dislikes me. I’m just going to go out there and get it done. And that’s like me doing this podcast. I can look at the numbers of the popular people, the ferocity, the ones who get on all the stages and have millions of downloads, and they get all these referrals and they look so cute and everything’s great, and they get invited to everything.

They’re the cool ones, right? I can look at that. I can compare and despair, and then I can look at my numbers, like, why don’t I have millions of downloads? Why don’t people invite me to their stage? That’s not fair. I’ve got all these tools and I know they work, and why doesn’t anyone recognize me? And then all of my intention would be going to the negativity instead of taking action and getting things done.

So, what I want to offer you this week, it’s to find the space in between. What are the facts? What are the feelings? And are you willing to acknowledge the feelings and not get stuck in them and still take action? So, you don’t turn the feelings off. You don’t become black and white. You actually find the middle, so that way you’re in neutrality.

You’re not in a nervous system response. Your body’s not impulsively reacting or shutting down or quitting. You recognize that we’re emotional beings, we’re spiritual beings, and we’re physical beings. And to be a physical being is to move through the physical world with clarity, with confidence. Maybe even certainty.

Some people agree or disagree about certainty. I like to feel a little certain, not going to lie. So what do you think? Can you relate? Does the ball team help? Like, like I’ve been like a part of baseball for my kids played for 26 years. Matter of fact, after I got married, my husband and I went to the ballpark and watched opening ceremonies and we did not even have any kids playing.

It’s like we’ve always been the baseball fans, and I’ve seen a lot of this. The teams that hold it together, the teams that win have disciplinary actions. They have a structure; they have a foundation, so they have boundaries. They have some rules. They understand how to behave and how not to behave. They understand what puts them on the bench, what gets them on the field, because those boundaries are enforced.

But when you have this leading with emotion, then you can’t make a rational decision. You can’t make a logical decision, and so, the plan just gets thrown out and you just become reactive. Think about if you get woken up in the middle of the night, somebody’s banging on your door, and you wake up all disoriented and emotional.

You can’t even find the doorknob you can’t find a way to defend yourself. You’re just that’s what happens when you’re all in this feely. You’ve got to get to the point to where you don’t believe your thoughts and you don’t believe your feelings. That’s coming from straight up from transcendental meditation.

As a practitioner, when you are in meditation, when you’re learning how to meditate, thoughts mean nothing. Feelings mean nothing. They are just sensations and words that move through your body and brain. And the job is for you to contain, to sustain stability, and to become the watcher and the witness of the emotions and of the thoughts.

Not the follower. You don’t, they don’t dictate what you’re going to do. They don’t control your life. You control your life. And so it is about gaining power in control of your being while all of that is happening around you. Circumstances or circumstances, they are black and white. It’s just how it is. But the thought about it, so what’s the thought about the kid hitting a ball?

What’s the thought about the umpire’s call? What’s the thought about winning or losing? Because the fact is we’re playing ball. And then both teams had different beliefs around everything else, and so, it was a lot of emotion and a lot of drama, and not a lot of playing ball. So, that’s what I want for you this week.

If you have any questions, come into the More Than Mindset Facebook group. If this was helpful, please share it with friends and help me get to a million downloads, please. Maybe that’s my problem, I don’t actually ask for the help. Come and give us a rating and review. Give me five stars. Let me know it was helpful.

Tell your family and friends about it. Let’s spread the word. I haven’t done that. I’m going to take full responsibility. For the first year, I was freaking out. I had so much shame. I didn’t want anyone to listen to it. I just knew I had to start a podcast because I was saying the same thing over and over, and I needed my clients to be able to have that resource to go to without me.

So, I knew my intention behind it, but I had a lot of shame, and I was like, what if someone calls me out? What if I’m wrong? Like, this is my own experience. I don’t have a doctorate degree. I might get called out. A lot of the stuff that you guys are thinking as coaches and healers, I get it. I hear it all the time.

I have it too. The difference between me and you is I didn’t get caught in the emotion and like actually get sucked into it. I came back to mind management. I got myself back on board in neutrality. I got the facts. I have to do this because I knew at that point when I started this, I was on part of the state coalition and we had just gotten the data that we had a 28% suicide rate in Louisiana in my parish.

Well, that just like my brain went into alert because there are 20 people in my immediate family. There’s a very good chance that we are going to be one of those people. And myself being a survivor of an attempt, trying to unlive myself, I think is the word I’m supposed to be using early on in my life.

Like, it felt like it was something that I needed to do and had to do. So, I was like, I have to get these tools and this information to the hands of more people. Because if I would’ve known this, I wouldn’t have done that. And I wouldn’t have wanted to check out because I would’ve had regulation, I would’ve had stability, and I would’ve had the tools to know what to do to feel better.

And so that’s all I thought about. I got to save my family. I need to leave at a better place. I need to get this information into the hands of more people so that they can help themselves and their loved ones. I was not focused on me. When you’re caught up in the emotions and the fear and the shame, you are worried about you.

You’re not serving. When you’re in service, you’re not nervous. When I’m thinking about you guys, when I’m thinking about the kids who are going to listen to this, when I’m thinking about my grandkids who are going to actually benefit from this, I don’t have all kind of stuff going on in my body boot because I’m not focused on me.I’m focused on giving. I’m focused on serving. I’m focused on being a difference in creating impact.

All right. I think I’m at time. This is probably a little bit longer than they have been, so let me know what you think. Come into the More Than Mindset group. Share to your friends, and if you missed Wellness Week and you want the replay, send me an email at [email protected]

Just send an email and say I’m interested in the replay. We’ll try to put a link coming up in the next few episodes so that you guys can tap into it. It is fabulous. Fabulous. We talk on all topics. It’s so good. We’ve had a huge response, a lot of turnouts and a lot staying on, and so much feedback.

It’s really good. So, if you want to get your hands on that, then we’ll get a link for you. All right. Have a great week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.