Ep #27: Giving Yourself Space to Grow

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Well hello folks. Guess what? I’m back. Back at home. So I thought I would have this amazing story to share with you but I don’t. I’ve decided – I’ve shared it with my coaching group and my clients but leaving it here would just take up the whole entire episode so just no. I have a lot of takeaways from my trip. A lot.

And you will be getting little nibbits and bites of it along the way because I’ve had a lot of growth. That’s the beauty of this work is once you’re aware and watching and super present to what exactly is happening in this mind of ours. This brain, this bully brain that is always – it plays detective and it tries to keep these walls and stories up.

Anyway, it was interesting to be in a four by four vehicle for days on end and a lot of travel and staying in the presence of another person so closely and all of the things that come to your realization if you’re willing to really go into it, dive into it, and turn some of those stories around. It’s quite interesting what you find, that life is like presenting to you, for you, for you to grow, which is exactly what we’re going to talk about today.

I want to talk about the container. When you’re doing this personal transformation work, when you’re growing your business, when you are growing to the next level whether it be health, wealth, relationships, I’m going to specifically talk about business today because my jam is health and wellness leaders, psychotherapists, hypnotherapists, coaches, health coaches, life coaches. That area of people. Wellness professionals.

So as we grow our business and entrepreneurship, it’s totally different from clocking in and getting paid and making some sales for someone else, but you’re actually having to stand in the essence and knowing and belief of yourself, of your ability, of what you know, of your knowledge, of your wisdom, of what you are sharing with other people, and it’s a totally different ballgame than working with someone else.

And a lot of stuff comes up for you, and here it is. Let’s just use the scenario of a pot. Let’s put a tree or something in this little small container where – we’ll do a clay pot and you have the root system at the bottom and the tree is starting to grow out. So we’ll just take a little baby. Imagine it’s in the greenhouse.

And what happens is you’re in this circumstance, so let’s just say your career for example, and you suddenly got over some health issues or some relationship issues or some kind of traumatic event or unresolved trauma in your life and you begin to grow as you overcome this stuff and you grow into the next version of yourself, and you are ready to step out of maybe working for others and step into this working for yourself.

Like I want to create my own business, I want to be an entrepreneur, I want to help people, and I want to share what I’ve experienced so that they can break through what they’re experiencing. So that’s typically how it goes for wellness entrepreneurs. And a lot of us actually go to school or get certifications because we’re trying to heal our own health issues or own mental, emotional issues.

And that container, let’s say, that you’re originally planted in, the one that started, the one that still had some sort of issue, as it begins to grow, the root system grows. And so you’ll see this as when something’s been planted in a small pot for too long, if you pick it up and it’s been outside for a long time, the root system is actually growing outside of the pot. It comes through the little hole, its real bundled up at the bottom. It gets kind of all knotted, raveled together, and it’s like it can’t breathe and so the little tree doesn’t grow. It stays stunted, stifled. Like it stays the same size.

And so imagine the roots are your beliefs and so as your beliefs get stronger and they want to grow and they start pushing their way out and they have nowhere else to go because your container is too small. So then imagine your container being your business or your career, or even your body. And you’re bringing in these new beliefs, say your soul essence, or your inner knowing is growing beyond the capacity of the physical rim that it’s in at this point.

So that’ll all be a reflection of the pot. I hope I’m not losing you. I can see it so clearly so I’m trying to articulate it in a few ways so that different circumstances and scenarios will understand it. But let’s just be specific. It’ll make it easier. You’re a wellness leader and you want to grow your entrepreneur business. You want to become your own boss, you want to help more clients, you want to create a bigger impact. You want to build out your platform or the space that you hold to teach that one particular thing that you have figured out.

So that’s the three things that I like to help with is let’s create a bigger impact, let’s help more people, and the byproduct of that is actually you create more abundance, more money, more health, wealth, better relationships. Not just with yourself but your relationship with your clients, with your business. You actually become a reflection of the new beliefs. You become a reflection of the work.

Well, here you go. So does your business. So your business is a reflection of you. Just like your physical body, your physical conditions are a reflection of your inner self. So what you think, what you believe, what you put out is what you become. And so if you want to grow your business, it’s all about growing you. We got to grow the owner. We got to grow the boss, baby. Got to get her growing and growing.

So I like to say if you – when you grow up and show up, then your clients will come. Then the money will come. Then the impact will come. But it starts with you. It starts with the boss. It starts with the owner, and those are my clients. That’s what makes my business stand out. It’s a unique process that I take you through on a practical, experiential level where you are the client, the health and wellness leader begins to have her own transformation and that’s really the discovery of this process.

It’s unique, it’s different, I’m not just your typical coach. I’m an integrative life coach. We integrate different systems into one on the mental and emotional processing spectrum. And so what I’m teaching you, what I’m showing is growing you as an individual and then your business is the byproduct. The abundance is the byproduct. The making the impact, the helping more people becomes the byproduct of you growing into your future self, into a different version.

And you are the ones who have the growing pains. You are the one that begins to outgrow your container, which is the current business structure and model that you have right now. And as I help you grow your mindset, that’s your root system, you will bust and crack that pot. So your container, the way people understand you and see you and their vision of you, their expectation of you is changing because they’re not in the process with you. They don’t recognize it, and then they’ll say things like they’re talking to the old you, to the old person.

And then there’s kind of like, some conflict and it’s like, oh yeah, people just keep doing this and they don’t see and they don’t believe and they don’t understand me and nobody gets me and those stories, those are your beliefs by the way, those are your limiting beliefs. Those stories are actually what’s preventing you from growing.

They sound innocent and you sound like you’re just stating facts, but they’re actually the thing that’s stifling and stopping you and it’s about you not wanting to step away from there, not leave anyone behind, not change too much, not step into this greater abundance or grow into this bigger person or grow this business because then that judgment, that fear, that being like, what if I make the wrong decision and I throw all of this away and then I don’t even have this little container to depend on, that seems pretty scary.

So what happens is once you say yes I do and you create the new beliefs, the container starts to crack, crumble, and the roots start to protrude beyond it. And so the expansion is happening because you brought it forward. The thing is our mind wants to see the evidence right now but it doesn’t realize what’s happening beneath the surface.

The intention behind it is actually working but your brain is looking for the evidence saying no clients are coming in, there’s no money, this is not working, this is not happening, and you keep that struggle. You keep that frustration, but it truly is happening. It’s just happening in the roots, it’s happening below the surface and it’s busting the container open.

And so you have to make the decision, do you want to stay in a broken container, do you want to keep struggling, do you want this pressure to keep building because your physical body will start to scream some of this. You’ll have these conditions because you’re not stepping out and moving forward. It’s not because things are going wrong. It’s because things are going forward, and you, your brain, your mindset is not going with it.

Your belief system, it’s beginning to – I want to say it’s almost like this acclimating process where imagine you got another container over to the right and that’s the one we’re transplanting you in, which is when I’m helping my clients up-level their packages and go up in their prices and really narrow in and niche and their expert authority, that is what makes this program unique and different is I’m taking their previous skills, their personal transformation, their past experience that they’re transformed into this new way of being with the tools that I teach on mental and emotional processing, and we integrate them all together and then create this viable business from this unique standpoint, which makes them and only them do it the way that they do it, which the byproduct is creating the impact that they’ve always wanted in their natural essence, in ease and flow.

So now they have the impact, now they’re doing what they love to do, and they’re making more money, and more clients are getting help. It’s beautiful. It’s a beautiful, amazing process. But that new container of more than I’m talking about, the viable business, it’s like this huge pot and we take this smaller version, the insight and we put it in this big pot and suddenly they feel vulnerable.

Like oh my god, I feel naked, I feel afraid, I feel scared, I got to put myself out there, people are going to see me, I’ve got to tell my story like, oh my god, I don’t think I have my website ready, I don’t know if my copy is right, I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do this. And that is basically that little tree in the middle of that big pot.

And so they have to fill in around it and that’s what I consider this support system and having a coach and I kind of help support them in the new belief as they grow into it. I can already see it. I already see they’re going to fit in the pot. I know exactly like, I’ve got a way of intuitively connecting my clients to their niche, to their – I don’t know. I can’t say that it’s something that it’s a skill to develop. I guess it’s through experience and working with entrepreneurs for so many years.

And so I want to help them put in this amazing fertilizer. It’s these new beliefs, it’s let’s get good healthy water, let’s make sure it’s in the sun when it’s supposed to and it’s getting some shade time and we want to nourish the new person, the new mindset, the new beliefs and so I have this process and protocol that we do but here’s what happens.

If they haven’t released the limiting beliefs and they haven’t released the fear of outgrowing, whether it be the community or the family or the previous clients or the previous package, all that scarcity behavior, habit stuff that they’ve been doing that’s been playing small, they want to take that with them into the new container.

But if you do that, and that is what’s nourishing the tree, then the roots are still the same and you’re going to recreate the same problems, the same issues. Just on a bigger level. You’re going to do the exact same thing, but instead of it being hundreds of dollars, it’ll be thousands of dollars.

So what I want to bring back to your attention specifically today is if you’ve been struggling and as you’re frustrating and you keep beating your head against the wall and your skills are growing and you’re like, I have so much to offer and I see all of these people doing it and I don’t understand and I hired this coach and this coach and I used her process and I did it her way and I did what she said and I did everything, and I got the Facebook guy and I’ve put out the ads. I don’t understand, I don’t know what’s wrong.

Something wrong with me, the people I’m talking to are the wrong people or it’s where I live or they don’t have money and they can’t afford this or whatever it is, those beliefs, if you have that in your soil, in your foundation, you’re just going to keep growing that because that’s what’s nourishing your roots. Imagine the tree. It’s like it can’t get taller, it can’t get bigger, and it can’t fan out and spread out if you keep feeling it the same beliefs.

So super important that we work on beliefs first, that we identify the limiting beliefs, that we find out where they’re rooted and grounded in, that we unveil that story and then we navigate into this new way of thinking and believing as you’re creating the next version, as you’re filling in the new pot and becoming the broader, greater, taller, stronger tree that’s holding out in this new container that you’re building out.

So what’s happening is you take other people’s stories that – I don’t know, your neighbor’s or the other coach’s or whoever is saying you can’t do it, or maybe it’s your mama or your sister or whoever it is in your life that’s reinforced the limiting beliefs. You’re kind of using them like you would with a fruit tree, like a stick of fertilizer and you’re sticking that in your dirt. In the potting soil.

And so you’re bringing that with you and so it’s going to stay with you, so we want to get rid of that and we want to plant this – use this new potting soil that’s filled with these new ways and these new beliefs and these new processes and we want to have a backup plan because we already know that you’re going to have these oppositions or these questions or these challenges, this struggle.

We already know it’s going to come up, so we create a plan around it so we know you can’t stay in the sun too long, you can’t stay in the shade too long, you need to be watered, and so that’s part of the process. So what’s happening in this phase of transition is we take this little teeny tiny container, you outgrow it, you don’t fit in it anymore, it’s starting to crack and expand beyond its capacity to be held, and then we move it into the new and then you feel super vulnerable and afraid and you don’t want people to see you and you don’t want to feel and you don’t want to show up and you don’t want to make any mistakes.

And so you keep this old story going and you just don’t recognize it and realize it and that’s what I want to bring your focus and attention today. So what we’re doing in this – the membership site and the belief boot camp is there’s a middle size container. And so it’s the space where I’m teaching these concepts and preparing you. So if you are in the coach training or you’re one of my private clients, you’re getting all of it.

So as we’re doing the deep work, you’re actually going back and you’re doing the grounded foundation and we play it back and forth. So what I’ve noticed what’s happening is once we work on fertilizing, re-growing, changing, transplanting like that root system and they’re growing into this amazing, tall, strong, huge tree, and guess what that tree is doing.

It’s providing shade for more people, it’s making a greater impact, it’s prettier, it’s showing itself, it feels confident. It feels courageous. It can stand up against any storm because it realizes it’s just a storm. It’s just a thought. It’s just an old belief. It recognizes that it being out in that environment that it’s going to have some conditions to weather through.

And then if you have the right belief system, you have the right support system and you’ve done your own work, then you’re actually going to produce this fruit or this beautiful display and that’s actually the abundance that comes from it. So you can see where abundance doesn’t come on the outside. It’s actually just the byproduct of the nourishment, of the changing the belief system, of growing yourself in a different environment and not bringing that old stuff with you.

It seems really innocent like yeah, everybody thinks that and everybody likes and confidence and it’s just what I think. I mean, I know it’s not true, like logically, but what you don’t get is the unconscious story is actually the one that you’re going to play out. It’s super powerful. And the tools that I use on you and that I teach you to use for your clients are actually the tool to uproot that.

So we’ve got to dismantle that belief. We’ve got to pull the plug on it and get it out of the way, which is going to open up your container. And then we’ve got to be super clear about what we put in the new space and to make sure that it’s an environment that it can grow in, that it can foster more abundance in, that it can actually give you the results that you’re seeking, that you’re looking for.

So that’s the whole part of growing the person, growing the owner. The business is just a reflection of where you are now and then as the business prospers, it’s a reflection of who you become. And so it’s just a mirror. It’s just like everything else in life. How we do anything is how we do everything. I cannot say that enough. And you’re going to have growing pains. Just get over it. Just recognize your pot’s going to crack. The tree bark’s going to crack. Things have to change to change.

So really take a good hard look at the beliefs that you hold now and I want you to write this down so I’m going to just give you a little bit of how to. First of all, I invite you to come into the membership and come into the belief boot camp that we’re doing right now. Even if you didn’t catch on at the beginning, you’re still going to be able to get the recordings and the replays. You’re going to be able to get coaching with me in the group and we check in.

So we can keep you on target of watching as you grow and make sure that you’re not slapping yourself in the face, you’re not beating yourself up in these old beliefs because there’s someone kind of watching. We can’t see that we’re doing it to ourselves because the brain creates this wall that prevents us. It’s silly but it’s really a defense, but it’s a defense against ourselves growing.

And as you create this new container, as you start building out this new way of being and then you’re able to receive the abundance, create the impact, help more people. It’s such a beautiful thing. As you grow into the bigger version, it doesn’t mean you’re not going to have problems. It’s going to mean that you have a defense against when they do come, you’ll know how to protect yourself. You know how to dig in with your roots and really ground in your system, in your belief, in your support.

So with that all said, let’s just say one last thing. The temptation when you’re feeling vulnerable, when you’re afraid to put yourself out there or you don’t want to share your story or you’re afraid of – it’s just a perception of I don’t have the right ads, I don’t have the right niche, I can’t do this, she can do it because she’s whatever, that’s going to happen and you’re going to want to jump back into the tiny container. You’re going to want to go back to those people that belief the other way. You’re going to want – it’s just natural.

It’s just the thing you do, which is why we build out the middle container so that you can have the support when you have that temptation. That’s how we are navigating around this. I already realize that all of my clients are going to do that so I’m like okay, when it happens, here’s the net. We’re going to catch you, we’re going to keep you going.

So your temptation to go back into the little tiny pot is going to be there. We already know that. Just so you know, it’s not going to be comfortable. It’s not going to fit and you’re going to feel like crap. Even worse than before because you’ve gotten a taste of something different.

And the only thing that’s happening is you’re not used to the uncomfortable, vulnerable feeling and you’re afraid you’re going to fall flat on your face and you know what, it’s totally fine to fall flat on your face because failure is actually the path and process to the growing, to the experience. If you’re not failing and falling, it means you’re not taking a risk and you’re not trying and you’re not changing. You’re just staying super comfortable, and that is the beating yourself up, punching yourself in the face.

That’s all I have to say about this today. We’re going to keep going, moving forward with this. Just know that it’s super comfortable cozy but you’re going to bust through it. Those roots are going to protrude out. Your pot is going to crack open, and if you really, really, really think about it, it ain’t comfortable, boo. That’s why it’s cracking open.

You’re outgrowing it and you’re just afraid. You’re afraid to go into the bigger pot and then you’re afraid to stay stuck. So I want you to really consider, is it worth it? Is it worth it to believe your brain because it can’t understand what bigger is like? Do you really want to keep believing that smaller and tight-fitting and uncomfortable is better?

That’s it. I just want to leave you with a question and do you want more? Do you really want more? Because you get to a point where you’re at a T in the road and you have to decide. Is the pain, suffering, and sacrifice of staying stuck worth not going through the fear of what the unknown is like? Because that’s all that’s happening.

The pain of staying stuck has to exceed the fear of moving forward. It has to. I’ve not seen it ever like, have someone move to the next level without them having to ask that question and I put that in the book that I talk about, The Punch-Line Approach. That’s this whole process in a nutshell. 70 pages of exactly how I do it.

And that is the one thing that has happened every single time I’ve up-leveled my life is I had to come into that point and I had to ask that question and I recently visited that again and I answered the same thing again and I was like, yeah, totally worth it. Totally worth it because I’m guaranteed the suffering of staying stuck, whereas the fear is just an emotion creeping up in my body because I have a thought that it might not be available for me. That’s it.

So yeah, I would much rather not stay in the guaranteed misery and take my risk of uncomfortable. So what? It’s just uncomfortable. I just get better at being uncomfortable. Alright guys, love you, love you, love you, and I will chat with you next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.