Ep #160: Demystifying Trauma with Monique Derouen

More Than Mindset with Kim Guillory | Demystifying Trauma with Monique Derouen

More Than Mindset with Kim Guillory | Demystifying Trauma with Monique Derouen

Monique is back on the show this week to discuss a topic that I know is of significance to so many of you listening: demystifying trauma. This is a subject true to my heart, my path, and my business, and we’re talking about how we can share stories of our past trauma in a way that serves ourselves and other people without staying in victim mode.

Monique Derouen is an integrative therapist who works with her clients to restructure neural pathways set up for pain and stress. She helps her clients relieve chronic pain, both emotional and physical, and she’s here this week to share her wisdom so we can take the mystery out of the trauma we live with.

If you’re afraid of sharing your trauma for fear that it’s going to be uncomfortable for yourself or others, tune in this week to discover why this may be the key to demystifying everything you’re struggling with. We’re sharing how trauma occurs, why a true understanding of what’s going on in your mind is the key to transformation, and why we don’t have to suffer just because something sucks.

Join me in E-School where we help holistic practitioners and coaches create sustainable wealth and impact. Build your audience, help more people, and make more money! 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • Why your pain and trauma doesn’t have to be the elephant in the room.
  • How sharing your story can help other people.
  • What trauma is, and why we believe it doesn’t have to be a huge event to be classed as trauma.
  • The gratitude Monique has for the parts of her life that brought her to where she is today.
  • Why Monique and I will always protect people who want to discuss their trauma.
  • What we’re afraid of when we’re reluctant to talk about our trauma.
  • How to give yourself permission to validate your trauma and an invitation to talk about it.

Listen to the Full Episode:


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Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence Coach Kim Guillory, and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Kim: Hello, hello and welcome back to the More Than Mindset show. I have a guest for you today, her name is Monique and we are talking about demystifying trauma. Monique contacted me and she’s like, “Oh my God, we’ve got to talk about this, it’s driving me crazy.”

And this is something that is really true to my heart, and my path, my business, to my everything, is how we talk about trauma. How we tell our story. What is the difference between trauma dumping and sharing? How to use your story, your past, your experiences in a way that helps other people without you actually staying in the victim mode?

So Monique wanted to have a conversation about this. And, as always, she is one of my integrative coaches and they always have a space here on the platform and on the podcast. So I’m always a yes when they ask.

Hey, Monique.

Monique: Hi, Kim, how’s it going?

Kim: Good. Good. Let’s get going.

Monique: You know, I brought this up, especially with a lot of the things that we’ve been working on with the victim. I see it as two very different things. There’s the victim story, the thing that happened to me, the thing that caused all this trouble in my life. And I remember being there for a while and it was really hard. And then there’s a, no, this is part of my story. This is what brought me here.

And I really want to start separating those things and really giving people permission to discuss their stories, their trauma, their pain, and it not be this elephant in the room. This thing that we’re not supposed to talk about. You know what I mean?

Kim: Yeah, I do. It’s kind of like demystifying humanity. It’s like not being able to talk about divorce, and suicide, and rape, whatever the things of the past were, because you got to tippy toe around, or you might offend someone, or that might be hard for someone else to hear. And I get that and I respect that, but then there’s also the part of it for us that doesn’t, like our experience is valid. And I don’t mind talking about it if I believe doing it is going to help someone else.

Monique: Right, right. My story is public and it’s extreme. And it was crazy. And it was hard. And that means something to me. And to not be allowed to share that because it makes other people uncomfortable.

Kim: You know what this reminds me of? When I was talking to Julie a few episodes ago and she was talking about her children who had died. And so it’s like when a parent loses a child and then everyone is guarded and doesn’t want to talk about their child.

And the thing they want to talk about the most is their child, especially if you have a memory of them. And they want the opportunity to speak about it. To speak about the transformation, the change, the way that they have actually overcome what most people say you will never overcome.

So let’s just go through an example of what does it look like when your story is invalidated? Like when someone’s not allowing you the space to talk about this part of your life.

Monique: It’s almost like that shouldn’t have happened to you, or I hate that you experienced that. And what the person hears is that part of your life shouldn’t have existed or been there. Because if we really believe in divine timing and law of attraction and all these things that we talk about, if that wasn’t part of my life, I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t be here with you. I wouldn’t be doing this work.

And I have to have gratitude in that part of my life that brought me here. It made me who I am. And to take that away, takes away who I am as an individual. And mind you, we’ve been told who to be our whole life. So you’re putting me into another box and labeling me. That’s the way it looks.

Kim: That’s the way it feels to you, you’re saying?

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: And so is this happening like in your business world when you’re talking about it? Because this is what you help, let’s just clear that up first because you help clients overcome chronic pain which are brought on from subconscious emotional unresolved trauma, those sorts of things. So you’re saying that in your line of business this is something you talk about on a regular basis. You don’t have shame about it.

But you’ve been told that that you need to not talk about it or that it’s not valid anymore, that it doesn’t matter anymore. And you feel like, no, actually me talking about it gives someone else permission to talk about it for themselves and to experience what really happened in their own life. Is that what you’re saying?

Monique: Yes, because if they don’t have permission to validate their experiences and really discuss it with safety, then it just gets pushed back into the body. And it’s going to surface somewhere else and create more pain. And we’re trying to undo those patterns, those ways, those things that we can’t talk about, those shameful moments.

Even with grief, and trauma, and abuse, rape, all these things, these hard topics that people are really, really afraid to dive into because they don’t want to push buttons or activate triggers. I get that. I really do. But that’s not where we heal. And I think there’s a big misunderstanding on what’s actually happening.

We’re afraid that we’re going to activate something, in my experience, and I think it’s actually the opposite. But we’ve been taught that it’s so scary to talk about that kind of stuff, it’s so wrong, we don’t do that.

Kim: So them talking about it, there’s a belief that them talking about is going to make more of it happen, is that what you’re saying?

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: Oh, interesting, interesting.

Monique: That’s what I’ve been told, you know, not only by clients, but by professionals. Even a doctor stopped me one time and said, “Oh, we don’t have to discuss that anymore.” No, I want to talk about it.

Kim: I want to talk about it because it validates someone else’s experience. That’s completely different than I want to talk about it and I’m trauma dumping all over you.

Monique: Right. Right.

Kim: I got it.

Monique: I want to give you a safe space to tell me what went on and not feel the shame that comes along with that story.

Kim: Or to feel the shame. To feel it because that’s what exposes it, right? But you’re saying the shame of not being able to say it.

Monique: Right, right, like the shame of I’m not supposed to talk about these things. That type of shame.

Kim: What’s coming up for me is I’m thinking about money. This was an assignment I did in a leadership training and sales workshop. And it was like you have to ask two people how much money they make tonight and report back. It’s like, what? People are like, “That is impolite. That’s none of your business. I’m not telling you that. Why do you want to know that?” And this huge limiting belief came out around that, like doing that exercise.

So this is the first thing that came to my mind is like, we’ve been taught that we shouldn’t talk about money. Why? I want to know why. Why can’t we talk about money? Why can’t we talk about that rape? Why can’t we talk about that suicide attempt? Why can’t we talk about the house fire?

Because I remember this, it goes from one extreme to the other, right? We always have the pendulum swinging here and here. And after the house burnt and we threw the kids out, and my kids all made it, yes, thank God, we are grateful. But we had no freaking clothes, or food, or money. We did not feel that grateful. We had no home, we had no roof over our house, and we couldn’t find a place to sleep. It was a big deal.

And they just kept telling me how lucky I was, how fortunate I was. And I wanted to stick everyone the finger, I was so mad at them. I was like, “Oh, yeah, well, this is great. Good luck.” You know?

And so it’s kind of like one end or the other, either they’re completely indulged in feeling sorry for you and it’s the worst thing ever, and they just keep that story going. Or they trying to lighten it up and, “Oh, now you get to go to heaven because that happened.” I’m like, is there a middle ground here? Can this just be the crap that happens, and it happens for you to grow into the next phase of who you’re going to become?

Monique: Yeah, there’s a middle ground right here with us. This is what we do, we allow that space. And I guess I’ve been in this world for so long where we’re just open and vulnerable, and we ride around on the back of the RV naked. We do all the things, right?

Kim: Down Main Street, homecoming parade 20 year reunion, we get really specific about as shameful as it can get.

Monique: So we’re putting ourselves out there and processing these things. And then I go out in the world and it looks very different, and it’s not quite as safe, and it’s not quite as accepted, and it’s not quite as open. And I really want to be part of that group that normalizes this stuff.

Trauma, we’ve all experienced trauma. Big T, little T, it doesn’t matter, you know? And we’re afraid to share because someone else’s may be bigger than ours, or we may shock somebody, or offend somebody. And to the mind, that’s valid. But in the world, we can heal these things and move through it.

Kim: Let’s talk about that first, Monique. So can you talk about big T, little T? Let’s just start with demystifying trauma itself. What is trauma? I have my own take on it. You have your own take on it. We’ve done plenty of work together, I know we both agree.

How would you say it to someone, like the difference between big T and little T? The difference between just trauma and incidences. Because you you work with clients day in and day out on this, what is their interpretation? And what would you like to clarify for the public?

Monique: Most people believe that trauma is this big thing that happens; the house fire, the rape, the death of the family member. Like something that’s shocking in the moment. And PTSD and shock trauma are real, that is a certain type of trauma. There’s several different ones that I work with.

But, to me, trauma is the person being left alone without the tools or devices or support to process the information that just happened. Think about a kid that got bullied on the playground or something and the teacher says, “Oh, just ignore them.” Right?

And the kid runs off and then they go home that night, and then they sit in the room all night alone and they don’t tell their parents, and they don’t tell their siblings, and they don’t tell anybody. And they’re left there without a developed prefrontal cortex trying to process information that they can’t logically understand. And not understanding the emotions that are coming attached to these thoughts.

And then these imprints are made, the samskaras are formed, these wounds are there. That, to me, is trauma. Not necessarily the thing that happened, but being left alone to process without the proper tools or understanding or support in general, you know?

Kim: Yeah.

Monique: I think so much could be changed if there was that connection of, “Hey, I see you and it’s okay to feel this.”

Kim: So they think it’s this big dramatic thing, my dad left, my parents got divorced. And what you’re saying it was actually something happened and they were left alone without the tools to know what to do. Which is very much the way I see it, is trauma is just a disconnection from safety. At some point in time there was a moment where you weren’t certain what to do. And there was a response, a visceral response, an emotional response, because we’re emotional beings, right?

And if you were able to say this in front of 5,000 people who were coming from a variety of backgrounds, how would you give them permission to validate it? Or what would you like them to hear? What would be the message that you want to express in order to create an invitation or an opening for them to know that they can talk about it or that they’re not alone, or maybe it was just misinformation. What would you?

Monique: I think it would literally just be you’re not alone. We all have experienced some sort of trauma in our lifetime. And the more that we are open to discussing it and allowing the person across from us to say what they have to say and not try to shut them down, or hug them, or hand them the Kleenex, or any of the things. Not stop them, but really let them have that safe space to express what’s going on, we could heal so many things.

But when we’re not given that space, it’s almost as if that didn’t matter or it wasn’t that big of a deal. That’s the other end of it, right? It wasn’t that big of a deal, it’s okay, I don’t want to talk about it.

Kim: Right. I get a, you know this, the people pleasing part of it gets, you get upset because they shut you down, tell you that you shouldn’t talk about it and validate it. I get upset when someone is trying to interrupt someone’s experience.

So if we are processing through something, if we’re talking about something, if they’re having a hard time expressing and getting it out and I’m working with them. And then someone comes in through the back or comes to the side of them and like, “Oh, you shouldn’t feel that way” and gives them a Kleenex. It makes me so angry.

You’ve heard me say this in Self-Healing Masters. I’m like, “If anyone shows up in her private message…” Because it’s invasive. She is baring her soul, she is validating every experience, all of the discomfort. And then you go and try to save her is so selfish because you are uncomfortable watching. That’s your mess, that is not hers. Do not interject.

I am like a bulldog, man, I’m like a pitbull when it comes to my clients and having an experience that they weren’t able to have their entire life because someone was telling them they shouldn’t feel a certain way or shouldn’t do a certain thing. Not on my time. Not on my time. I allow all experience to be valid.

And you’ve been in that environment so long, so I’m sure you’ve seen it over and over. And you’ve seen the opposite side of it also, though. You’ve seen when someone tried to save you, or someone tried to interject and tried to make you feel better.

Monique: It’s not fun. It’s not fun. What you’re telling the person is that they’re wrong for feeling what they feel. And I know that’s not the intention, but that’s the way it comes across and is received. And not only to me, but several of my clients have expressed very similar things. And so I feel like it’s just something we need to talk about.

Kim, it’s like seeing the mom in the grocery store with the toddler that’s freaking out. And we roll our eyes and say she shouldn’t have brought the baby to the store. No, hey, Mama, I see you. I remember having a baby that age, do what you need to do. It’s all good, we got you. Instead of rolling our eyes, or shaming, or thinking that that’s not normal.

These are normal things that happen in our world. And we’ve been putting this veil over it as if it’s not real. And I want to bring it to the light and let it be valid.

Kim: There’s a pink elephant in the room, its name is trauma, big T, little T.

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: And you now have permission to speak it. But you can see where someone would want to stop it because there’s so much vomiting of the trauma, right? They’re just like really throwing it out there and they actually want the secondary gain, which is the validation, and the Kleenex, and the someone to come pat.

Because I know that’s what happens, the clients who want to go pat them on the shoulder or wants to give them the Kleenex feels like I wasn’t sensitive enough. You have no idea how sensitive I am. I am so sensitive that I will protect them to the end. I actually might know what they do need to experience.

I’m not doing it because I don’t have time for them. I’m doing it because I want to grant them their own awareness because we have to have the cognitive awareness in order to get the transformation. And so when we’re always cheating on the test, or looking at someone else’s answers, or someone else doing it for us, we don’t get that cognition, so we don’t get the transformation. And so I’m protective because I don’t want them to cheat my client. And I think that’s what you’re saying.

But when you were told you don’t have to go back and share your story or tell your story, and you’re like, “No, I want to share my story because I am the result of overcoming that. You’re taking away my win that I want to share, actually. You’re taking away my celebration that I came from… and now I’m here.”

Monique: Yeah. And it’s sad. It’s sad when someone is really excited about moving through something or transitioning and the person that you’re talking to is so uncomfortable hearing it that they shut it down.

Kim: Yeah, yeah. I see that.

Monique: And that’s so many different subjects, not just this.

Kim: I think the most important part too, is some of the traumas were not dramatic.

Monique: Right.

Kim: Like I wasn’t beaten and thrown out of a vehicle, or, you know, the house wasn’t set on fire with me in it, or any of that stuff. But the abandonment, and the rejection, and the neglect was so subtle, you know? And so looking from the outside, it would probably be like what are you complaining about, right? You know, that kind of thing.

But actually that separation and not knowing and not having the understanding at a young age is very traumatic. And the imprints moved along with me into adulthood and even into my business. And so when I was going to have to do something new that I wasn’t familiar with, that I don’t know what to do, was still there. The imprint was still there.

And you’re saying that’s the importance. Because I think when you come from, I’m pissed about this, I want to talk about this. It’s coming from how it holds your clients back that people keep telling them this.

Monique: Yes. And it’s exactly that, it’s in us. It’s in us regardless, whether we talk about it or not. And so how do you want to be in this?

Kim: Yeah.

Monique: Do you want to be open and allowing, and let it move through? Or do you want to keep pushing it down and holding on to it because we don’t talk about that kind of stuff. Or oh, there’s no reason to bring up the past. Or I’m grown, so I’m not going to go there anymore. I think people are really misunderstanding what’s happening because they’re holding on to it and carrying it regardless of whether or not they processed it and discussed.

And it does, it triggers in the adult life. And so often we think we’ve gotten over something, and I’m here to say I thought I had gotten over so many things. And then I realized I hadn’t, I was just really great at burying, and building walls, and not talking about certain things because it wasn’t really acceptable. You know, there’s taboo subjects we just can’t discuss. And so I thought I had overcome and I was through all these things, and then it hit me.

Kim: I talked about the ones that I could talk about.

Monique: Yeah, I think it needs to be allowed.

Kim: Yeah. How do you see that playing out? How could that play out in a way that would serve and not re-trigger or traumatize someone else? You know what I’m saying? Not that we’re responsible for all of that, because I believe that whatever we see is just a catalyst for us to get it. But there are people who are not in the awareness yet. And so I’m wondering if maybe like the doctor was trying to protect that person kind of thing.

So how would you suggest, how would you solve this problem, the elephant in the room? What would what would it look like? Is it just more conversations about it? Is it more understanding, better information instead of misinformation?

Monique: I think just having that honest vulnerability with another person and saying, “I see you, I hear you, and you have a safe space to say this. I’m not going to judge you. I’m not going to shut my door and kick you out of the house when you say it. I’m not going to roll my eyes or be in shock.” But instead, I really want to understand what they experience.

So it might just look like, “Wow, I can’t even imagine that.” And just having a conversation that’s really letting them express, very similar to the grieving person that I was when I was dealing with a lot of loss and family things, and everybody was just so sorry for my loss.

They were sorry, I had lost my dad. They were sorry I had lost this. And then I had to like, “Oh, thank you for your concern.” That didn’t feel right. It just, it didn’t feel right for me. I wanted somebody to say, “Oh my God, this is awful and it sucks. Are you okay? Shit.” I wanted that.

Kim: Yeah.

Monique: Nobody could give me that, they just kept saying, “Oh are you okay? Are you okay?”

Kim: I’m wondering if it’s because the majority are not in awareness and they do believe that they are responsible for someone else’s feelings. And so when you think about, do you see what I’m saying? I’m curious if that’s where most of it, so when you’re in the land of awareness and, of course, we’re not completely 100% aware, right? We might not be human anymore.

Because I think about when someone dies, like say it’s a child, and then we’re such selfish people, right? All of us. And they’re so, “Oh my God, what would this be like if it were me?” And then they start carrying the grief as if it was them. And then they come to the mother at the funeral and then they vomit this terrible feeling. Of course you don’t know how to handle it, boo. It’s not you. You have the grace to handle what’s happening to you, not what’s happening to someone else.

And so you’ll see the person who’s grieving at the funeral care taking the emotional immature person. They come in and make a scene and take the show and everyone has to cater to them. There’s a secondary gain there, they need attention. They need focus and attention. It’s not even their child, right?

It’s their inability to cope with their emotions. And so they think that they’re coping with someone else’s emotions. But they’re not, they’re coping with their own because they’ve selfishly put themselves in the position and then couldn’t handle what they would do.

But I truly believe that we can’t handle other people’s problems. We can’t be sick enough for them to be well. We can’t be poor enough for them to be rich, or rich enough to be, however you want to turn that around. In other words, we can’t become them in order to help save them. It doesn’t work that way.

We have to be the example to show them a possibility and a potential of something they’ve never experienced before. And if that looks like you and I sitting here having a conversation about some of the traumas that we’ve had in our life, and we can do it with a dry eye, or we can do it from a clean space where we’re not trauma dumping, we’re not making anyone feel anything.

We’re just using the space to tell the story for the person who wants to overcome it, for the person who wants to live a different way that doesn’t want to be still pinned up on the cross. Because that’s how the majority of the world sees it, especially with the religious dogma and believing in all of the suffering. What if we don’t have to suffer just because something sucks?

Monique: That’s it right there. What if we don’t have to suffer just because something sucks? That’s the message.

Kim: Yeah, and we feel it. Which, guys, this is just us hashing it out. Monique was like, “I want to have a conversation about this.” And I was like, “Let’s do it. Let’s see where it goes.” And so you get us in real time as we’re working through and moving through. Because if something is triggering you, there’s something underneath it. And so that would be the question for her.

Why is this triggering you and we got to the source of it, which was to protect her clients. Which I feel very much the same way. When someone doesn’t want my people do feel a certain way, there’s a problem, and it’s the other person.

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: The problem is not the person who’s feeling it.

Monique: And I think there’s just this message out there like be high vibe, be in this good mood, change your thoughts, all these things. And I get the agenda behind it, but sometimes that’s just not our reality. And we’re human and I think we need to have the space and have permission to feel and express all these things that isn’t, you know, that’s such a taboo space, like we’ve been talking about. That it’s not a problem.

Kim: Maybe trauma is not the problem, maybe drama, is the problem.

Monique: Drama around the trauma.

Kim: Yes, exactly, like needing all of that drama instead of going, that’s the difference. That’s the cut out point, right? That’s all the extra, the drama, the showing up at the funeral home, and all the carrying on and carrying on and can’t compose. That’s drama, that has nothing to do with the actual trauma. That has everything to do with your inability to manage your emotions.

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay for things to fall apart. It’s okay for things to suck. You actually do not have to suffer.

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: If you’re willing to feel it.

Monique: But we’ve been taught not to feel because it’s not safe.

Kim: Until now.

Monique: And I think that’s why that conflict comes in. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, for sure. I’m all about feeling, since I turned that baby on I am in it. And I’m good with it. I love it. I love feeling all the feels. It’s so different.

Kim: Yeah, how long did you avoid that? How many years did you avoid that?

Monique: 35.

Kim: Yeah, and once you started feeling it, wasn’t there still a temptation to avoid it anyway?

Monique: Oh yeah.

Kim: Like even though you knew, that took a few years. I think we need to really look at the reality of how long it takes to become emotionally mature. We still have episodes, we still have memories in the body, we still have imprints of the past. And so it’s like we just keep moving through it and the cells are being replenished, so it’s not as much. But to say that we don’t still have moments of freak out.

Monique: But here’s the difference, I process it in real time. I get out my journal, I do the steps, I use the Punch Line, and I move through. I navigate differently, I get a different result. And it’s so different and so fast compared to the years that I spent in nonsense before.

Kim: And as long as people are giving you the Kleenex and keeping this stuff going, you can’t get it because it feeds a part of us. And you got to break that addiction, you got to break that cycle. And first sure the Punch Line approach is the path.

Monique: For sure.

Kim: For sure. It’s magical. It’ll help take you through any situation.

Monique: Yeah.

Kim: Because because it’s just a universal law of overcoming.

Monique: Yeah, crazy what five little words can do to your life.

Kim: Yeah, is there anything else that has come to your awareness through this conversation that you would want someone else to know? Or invite them into your world to come and do some of this work.

Monique: Again, I can’t say it enough, I really just want to normalize having conversations around what we consider our trauma, our story, our pain points, our life. And just really allow people to be heard and seen with what they’ve experienced so that we can actually release and heal these emotions that are trapped in the body.

Not necessarily the story, we’re not going to change the past. But we can choose different, we have choices now. And there’s methods and techniques that are mind blowing and so easy to incorporate in what we do. And I can’t not be grateful for this work at this point. It’s so healing, it’s so comforting, it’s so different to have ease, and calm, and energy, and do things in a manner instead of pushing it all back down and letting it surface somewhere else. Or be triggered or not have permission to be who we are.

I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. I want to really be who I am, and this is part of who I am. And I want to be accepted for who I am and I want to accept you for who you are and what you’ve been through. And I think in that acceptance we have so much connection, and bonding, and healing that occurs when we’re not alone in a story.

Kim: Yeah, because we can’t trust our mind in our own alone story. I have two questions for you. One of them is I’m wondering if you were triggered because of how long you were desperately in that situation? And so it’s almost like a triggering of will you shut up and quit telling the people they can’t talk about this so that they don’t suffer any longer? I’m curious about that, number one. Do you want to speak on it and I’ll tell you the second one? 

Monique: So I mean, let’s go back to being a child. Be quiet, don’t do that, sit down, shut up, go to your room, being told what to do. It’s no different except for now it’s adults and we’re adults and we still feel like the children that don’t have permission to be us. Don’t do cartwheels in the house, don’t wear your skates, it’s too much, right? It’s the same thing, this is part of who we are.

Kim: And because it’s coming from a doctor, because it’s coming from a hierarchy, or from a label, or from a professional, yeah, I can see that. It’s like the teacher or the parent.

The second question I had for you is, I know you’ve seen this but I just wanted you to be able to speak to it, is the thing that blew my mind the most is when I realized that we actually don’t have to tell the story. We don’t need to tell the whole story because most of what we remember is inaccurate anyway.

Monique: Right.

Kim: What’s been your experience with that? Because there’s a person here that doesn’t want to tell the story, and if you can help just take them through what they’re experiencing, they’ll get the transformation. So would you like to speak to that?

Monique: Yeah, and that’s it, we don’t have to go into the details of the story. We don’t. We just need to know what your brain believes.

Kim: That’s right.

Monique: And then once we go there, then we can unveil what the unconscious is doing, or protecting, or holding on to.

Kim: Yeah, we’re not therapists.

Monique: No. There are very gentle, compassionate, easy ways to get to this space, that we’re not going to throw you off the edge of the cliff with. I’m not going to shock you. We’ve had enough of that in our life. There’s a gentleness that can be unraveled in this. And I think we’ve just been taught otherwise. And I want to demystify that, that theory.

Kim: Love it. All right. I feel complete, unless you want to add something else to it. I don’t feel like it has to be long and drawn out. I think it was pretty much basically to the point. Let’s demystify the stories, learn the difference between trauma dumping and expressing, invalidating, invalidating.

And if anyone is interested in this work for yourself, like we said, you don’t have to dive into stories. You don’t need to tell anything of the past, we take you forward moving here. Monique can be found on social media. She has her own YouTube channel, we’ll link her below. She’s been on several of the podcasts, she is one of my mind body coaches. I would say if anyone were to teach this work outside of me, it would be her.

She comes highly recommended. I know she knows what she’s doing, we’ve been doing this together for years. Yeah, is there anything in particular you have going on right now that you want to offer?

Monique: I will be taking a few people in a small group coming up soon, specifically for this work. So if that is something you’re interested in, feel free to reach out and link to me. And other than that, I’ve got a one on one space opening up soon. If you want to do some very private, intense work, I have that space as well and I can get you there. So that’s pretty much what I have going on right now. If you just want to talk about this work, just let’s connect.

Kim: And she’s all over social media, you’ll find her. We’re on all the platforms.

Monique: I’m everywhere.

Kim: Okay, so you’re doing one on one right now, but you have like it’s a group of four, where you’re taking four people through the process.

Monique: Taking a group of four through the process, yep. It’s a 90 day program and it’s straight to the point. So if you’re ready to get to work, this is it.

Kim: We’ll post a link to contact you below. All right, thanks for coming on and hashing it out. This is what we do with our triggers, guys. We don’t hide them, we don’t avoid them. We’re like there’s some triggering going on, let’s have a conversation about it. So you saw it in real time, this is how we handle the things that come up, the objections that come up in the work that we do.

We’ve had a lot of objections when it comes to the integrative mind body world and how to help people heal and overcoming the stories about having to have the badge, or the Jesus robe, or you can’t help people move through that if you haven’t done this certain kind of training or whatever.

And, you guys, belief systems, it’s all BS. Don’t short yourself by believing some of that stuff. Get help from someone who has done it. Someone who has been through it, someone who has helped many other people through it.

Do yourself a favor, finish this, clean it up and move into a new way of living because it really is, it’s a new way of living to move from victim. You’ll never want to go back. You’ll never want anyone to bring you the Kleenex and to come save you or try to make you feel better. It’s like I’m fine, I know how to feel. I don’t need that. All right, thank you.

Monique: Thank you, bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More Than Mindset.

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