Ep #107: Unlearning

Welcome to More Than Mindset, the only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and confidence coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Well, hello again. And welcome back to the show. I am here solo this week, just me and you. I wasn’t even sure that I would get this out today because it is snowing in Louisiana, and we were out of electricity. But it came back on just in time. The snow is melting, and I can actually hear the cars behind me and it doesn’t sound so slushy. So I do believe the sun came out and got rid of some of that for us. So just so you know, I don’t love it. I’m not real excited about cold, ice, snow, none of that stuff.

Anyway, so let’s get started on today’s topic. I want to talk about conditioning, human conditioning, and about deconditioning. Then I’m going to give you some things to check out and to do. So let’s talk about the conditioning and the deconditioning process and what that looks like.

So when I say deconditioning, I mean unlearning the patterns, habits, and behaviors that are not you or yours. So what do I mean by that? Guys, we have been taught by society, by our parents, by religion, by school, maybe even our friends, or whatever we were indoctrinated into. We have been conditioned from the start.

And I think we are just waking up to this idea, or a lot of us are noticing what’s not working. Especially with this past year or two and what we’ve seen. We recognize the systems that were not working, right? We were just playing the part. It’s like it was okay to just wear the mask and walk along and do what everyone else was doing. But here’s the problem. That is why we get sick. That is why we get depressed. So I think there are more people than ever that are beginning to wake up.

I have been toddling, pivoting, whatever, I’m not even sure what word I want to use. But I have been playing with this idea since, I think it was 2011, I had a kind of a weird experience or awakening that I couldn’t deny. And I remember writing down Lord help me to hide this. Because I really didn’t know what to do with the information.

I felt like something really big had happened, I did not feel like the same person. And I wasn’t sure where to go. I do remember I went to the priest, and I went to a counselor, and I tried getting feedback from friends, those that I was close with not just everyday people because they would have thought I was crazy.

So that was kind of where the big changes started with me. And I journaled through this process. I did a lot of my own research with books, and self-help, and religion, Christianity. I studied the Bible, I compared one Bible to the other. I wasn’t really sure of what was truth, what we had been told, what was real, what wasn’t. And I had been sick, like physically sick.

 And I went to my rheumatologist and he told me to get the book by Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart. Is it Pema? I think it’s Pema, When Things Fall Apart and to begin meditating. And that is exactly what I did. He told me that it was self-inflicted. It was a condition of behavior. And that was like a big “Oh, wow” to me. I was like, “Are you saying I’m a hypochondriac? Are you saying I’m doing this to myself?”  So what did I do? I started to question.

I never did like labels or boxes. That never worked for me, someone telling me how I was supposed to be, or who I was supposed to be, or how I was supposed to act, or what I was supposed to like. It just didn’t work. I never wanted to be forced or locked down into believing what didn’t feel right for me.

I wanted to question what didn’t make sense. And that was not always welcome. And you guys probably know that even today when we go, even to the doctor’s office, right? If we question it’s like we’re being defiant, or we’re being resistant, that kind of thing. But sometimes we just question because we want to know.

So I wanted to be free to experience. I wanted to know more about what I was curious about. And I wanted to explore, I wanted to understand. I wanted to know for myself. The rules never really made sense unless I understood the reason behind them. I remember searching when we were always told about not having sex and not having sex. And I was like, I wanted to know why. Where does it say that? Show me in the Bible where it says that.

Oh, geez, my mind was just active. And I didn’t have really any training, you know, parental training of what I was supposed to think or not think or do or not think. So I wasn’t conditioned early on, in the same way that I was when I became older and started looking for the reasons why I felt like I didn’t belong. And so I thought other people maybe knew something that I didn’t. So I was like, trying to be part of something. Lord have mercy. If I could tell you guys some of the stories of the things that I got into.

So I would say that around between 2010, 2012 is when I really started to question. And you can call this whatever you want. I understand that some people will not be comfortable when I say it’s okay to question everything. It’s okay not to be put in a box. It’s okay to make different decisions, or to walk away from something that’s not working. And they may call it dangerous, right? They may say, that’s what’s wrong with the world. That’s what’s wrong with people.

I call it living. And this is something that I’m passionate about, I want to share it. And I get that some people think it’s risky or dangerous. And that’s okay. I don’t have to believe that because I truly trust life. And I believe we’re only here as this identity, as this person, in this particular lifetime we get to play this part. And sometimes it’s not a fun part or not a nice part, right? It’s maybe sometimes we get to be the person who has to live with stuff that hurts someone else. Maybe we get to be the knight in shining armor, or the one who feeds the homeless, or the one who is the influencer? Like, who knows, right?

Like, if you truly trust life, and you went with your gut, and you explored what made you feel alive, then what would your life look like? What would you choose? If you weren’t afraid to be wrong? Or to be excommunicated, to be cut off? What would you do? Would you do exactly what you know? Because that’s a possibility. Maybe you were raised with parents who allowed you to be independent and allowed you to think for yourself and to do for yourself. And that’s amazing, great. Because now we have other people who have done that, so we have examples of it. I love that.

But here’s the thing, if kids were allowed to be themselves, if they weren’t told to act like the other 30 kids in class, or their siblings, or whoever else told them how they should be. Like if we didn’t have people saying, “Oh, you should be more like du, du, du.” Right? Or “You should be more like your sister.” Or “You should be like your aunt.” Or whatever it is, like if we didn’t have all of that judgment and comparison and labels, I wonder what it would look like? That’s the sort of things that I like to question.

We told them they should be like so and so, right? But what if we were wrong. And that’s the very reason that we have so much suffering, so much sickness, and so much sadness in humanity. Because we’re telling people how they should think, how they should act, where they should live.

Think about little kids who say no, or uh-huh. Like you think of a little two-year-old, and you want them to eat those sweet peas or carrots. And they’re like, “Uh-uh. Uh-uh.” Right? And we make them do it anyway. We tell them they have to do it. We force them not to listen to themselves. We force them to shut off their own authority and to listen to someone outside of them as if we know what they like and what they don’t like.

Or I think about like the kids when they’re forced to kiss their aunt, or uncle, or their grandmother, and they’re not comfortable and they pull away. Like we’re even teaching them to override their own body. And like, that’s not polite, you should do, right? You should do this, that you don’t really want to do, so that other people think differently about you.

Like, think about what we are doing. That’s all of us. And I’m not saying this for it to be the blame, or that we’ve done anything wrong. I’m saying that maybe we weren’t awakened to the possibility that maybe we could trust our gut. Maybe we could trust our body even from the beginning.

Or think about the pressure that we put on kids about what to do when you grow up, right? You should know that. You should tell me. We force them, we pressure them. We don’t ask, we don’t listen, we don’t allow. What if we aren’t correct? What if they are correct and we are not? And we force them to be something that they are not.

I think about all the suicides. And all of these young adults, kids, even elderly that have lived a lie their entire life, because they were trying to do what someone else thought they should do. They were trying to hide the essence of who they truly were in order to fit in. In order to not be left out or not be picked on.

But seriously, what if we didn’t know better? What if we quit trying to tell others what they should do and allow them to choose for themselves? What if we let them make their own mistakes and have their own experiences? What if we truly trust life? What if we have it all backwards, trying to homogenize, and control, and micromanage? That’s only to make us feel safe. We want everyone to be the same and do the same so that we know what to expect. Right?

And we talk about you shouldn’t be selfish, how much more selfish can you be that you want to change all of the humans in order for you to feel safe and you to feel comfortable? Instead of getting that from yourself.

I believe this is why we are sick and depressed. I believe that is why there is so much sickness, and depression, and suicide and lack of fulfillment. So much scarcity, so much fear, so much settling. How many people are in a career that they hate because they feel like they have to settle? And how many of them are sick because of that? Because they felt like they couldn’t change their mind, or they couldn’t walk out, or they couldn’t end something. Because they were supposed to stay committed for life. We have to stay here until we retire. We have to stay married until we die. Like what if that’s all backwards?

This came up for me a long time ago in my business after listening to thousands of women. I’ve had, you know, cosmetology, doing nails, like hundreds, thousands of people who came through with the fitness, or the tanning, or you know, I’m talking like 20 something years of women. Seeing them on a daily basis, hearing the same story how they were so not happy, but it was the right thing to do. They needed to do it for the children. They needed to do it for their partner. They needed to do it for their boss or whatever, but they were so not happy.

But they continued, they stayed in the relationship because it’s all they knew, it’s the best that they could do, or anything like that. Like really think about this. How many teachers do you know who are still teaching and they’re so sick, and they cannot stand to go to work? And they’re being diagnosed, and they have all of these medications? And it’s all because they’re not satisfied. And they’re overriding with a no.

This is how I became interested in astrology, and human design, and gene keys, and all of the deconditioning processes. This is how I got involved with yoga, and meditation, and finding presence. Because I was so sick, I was seeing my clients who were so sick. This had been going on for a couple of decades. And it’s like there comes a point where the suffering is so intense that you just have to do something about it, you can’t just keep overlooking it.

So it was to heal myself. And then to lead the way for others. To know that they could heal themselves too. To know that the process might be a little yucky, it might be a little ugly, it might be a little messy. We heal by becoming who we truly are. And then we can have a natural death. We heal by unlearning, by taking personal responsibility for our health, for our wealth, and for our relationships. And for growing our spiritual lives to become deeper, more meaningful, spiritual beings.

It’s not about knowing more or learning more. It’s not about learning a new system, or mouthing off more scripture, or what this author said or that one did or what is the new dogma. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s not about learning something intellectually. We know enough. We’re overwhelmed by all of the information. It’s everywhere, sign up for this, get this freebie, come and do this, get this, right? It’s everywhere. The bookstores are filled, online is filled, YouTube is filled. It’s everywhere. It’s not about knowing more and learning more with the mind.

It’s about embodying who you truly are. And by embodying I’m talking the body, the physical body. Your soul essence and your physical body becoming one, uniting. It’s about embodying the gospel instead of reading scripture, right? It’s about embodying the possibility, the potential, the what is meant by the gospel, by the healing, by the power of the human to be able to heal themselves. It’s about embodying the promises.

We got to quit talking about it, and start being it. Being happy, being well, being whole, being wealthy, and abundant. I used to think this was not available for me. And I know some of you think the same thing. But I promise you it is. It’s for all of us. But you have to get over the BS. And by BS I mean the belief system. So yeah, it’s bullshit, too. But it’s the belief systems that are not yours. That’s the BS.

This is your job, not anyone else’s job. No one else’s job. No one else is responsible for this. It’s you. It’s not the government, it’s not the insurance. It’s not the coach or the parent. It’s no one else’s, it’s yours. You and only you can be in control of the way you think, and the way you feel, and the way you act. That comes from you.

We are doing this in Self-Healing Masters. I coach live, we have bonus classes and courses. We study human design and gene keys. We study your personality; we discover who you truly are. We become better humans on the material plane by growing mentally, emotionally, spiritually and energetically. We get in touch with the energetic side of ourself, the spiritual side of ourself. We come back into our body as a whole being, and we integrate all aspects of ourself. We heal our disbeliefs, heal our money stories, our I’m not good enough thoughts. All that shit, we can heal that. So we can become whole and the examples of that wholeness for others.

In other words, we create the model for others to follow. It’s our mission, our purpose, our passion. Not because we want to save the world, or people. No one is broken and the world does not need to be saved.

That was a hallelujah for me, because I spent a couple of decades thinking I needed to save the people, these women who I saw were unsatisfied, and sick, and repressed, and suppressed, and oppressed situations. Like I thought it was my responsibility. I thought I had to do that, right? I was willing to be a martyr, I was willing to die for everyone else. Because I felt the passion and that burning desire to serve.

And it was so painful watching it, but it was really my own pain. It was my own pain that I was trying to fix. And this is what we do as wounded healers. We try to take our own pain and we reflected and project it in the

world, and then we try to fix it. So you’ll know this if you’re desperately trying to get other people to change. If you can just turn that around and say, “Where do I need this?”

It’s about returning to our all-ness giving ourselves permission to be all that we are. That’s not easy guys, it’s not easy to claim all that you are. Because we’ve been taught that that means you’re selfish, or you’re, I don’t know, you’re rude, you think you’re bigger than you really are, who are you, to get off that pedestal. It’s like they tell us all kinds of stuff that it’s not safe to be in our all-ness. It’s not safe to be all that you are in your magnificence. It’s not safe for you to claim your own beauty, right? Or whatever it is that you want.

It’s like, there’s so much judging and comparing. And we’re so afraid to be eliminated from the tribe. We’re so afraid to be left out. We have so much fear about being unsafe in this world. And it’s coming from within ourself. It’s coming from our own beliefs.

So that’s what I have for you this week is to really start to question these things. For yourself, not for me, for yourself. So I told you I was going to give you a couple of things to check out and to do. So one is to Google human design chart. This is absolutely free; you’re going to need your birth time. So I want you to put the information in here.

You can go back a few episodes back, Danielle and I did a podcast on Human Design and we have lots of courses and self-healing masters on it. We have more coming out we’ve already recorded. You can get these for, I think, they’re like 99 bucks. But if you’re in Self-Healing Masters, you get everything for free. So it’s all included.

But if you wanted just to check out like what is human design and how does this pertain to me? Then you can just come into, we’ll put the links below and you can just go and check out my member vault and you can find one of the courses that you want. But pull up your chart and then come to More Than Mindset.

If you’re not ready to invest in anything just come to More Than a Mindset, it’s absolutely free. It’s a Facebook group. And just say, “Hey, I heard the podcast and here’s my chart. What can you tell me?” So the group is called More Than Mindset. Myself and all of the coaches are there. And Danielle is there, she reads charts. So that’s one thing, is go to human design chart, fill it out, pull it up, it’s going to look like another language. That’s okay. Come to the group.

The second thing that I want to offer you is if you are not on clubhouse yet, you need to get on clubhouse. If you need an invite, come to the More Than Mindset group and say, “Hey guys, I need an invite. I have to get in.” Once you get to clubhouse, follow me, it’s the at sign @KimGuillory and then click on the bell next to my name and choose always. And you will get a notification every time I open a room.

And I have been doing weekly Human Design rooms, I’ve been doing the No BS Approach to Growing Your Coaching Business, like the Q&A ask the coach panel for the integrative coaches to come on. And you can get some live coaching there. So come to clubhouse, find me, click follow, hit the bell, select always. And then you will be notified when I do classes or anything else.

The third thing that I want to offer you is, you see that link right below here it says Join Self Healing Masters? Click on that link. Come on over. So founders get lifetime access. So there’s still room for founding members. And this is yours forever, as long as it’s available. So your modules will stay, you can go back on those anytime you want. It’s almost like having a four-year degree. So you’re going to follow through the modules and go through them in a year. And then you can repeat that. And then there will be new information, new courses, new classes.

We did How to Embrace and Love Yourself, Your Own Self Confidence bonus class this week. So lots of fun stuff. It’s very personalized. That’s how I can help guide you back into your own authority.

You can keep reading self-help books, you can keep asking the world for solutions, you can keep looking for it to be someone else’s responsibility. Or you can turn on your own power, and you can start living a satisfied life. That’s what I want to offer you. We got to stop with the absorbing more knowledge and trying to find the answer somewhere else. We got to just stop and get present. And we got to unlearn, we have to unpack these stories so that you can understand them.

So it’s not as simple as “Oh, I’ve got this great positive affirmation. And so I’m going to say it 100 times and then I’m going to get there.” That’s bullshit. That is not how it works. You have to unlearn what you’ve been taught. You have to first identify the old beliefs. And then you have to release them. So we do an integration process. So once you release them, then we create the new belief, and then we grow that new belief.

So listen, here’s my warning. It may feel like crap to let go of that old story. You may feel grief as that part of you dies. But here’s the good news. It’s not even you. It’s a facade of you. It’s a make believe, it’s a mask. It’s what everyone else tells you to be, it’s not even who you are. And you may feel vulnerable, and even a bit lost, but we got you covered.

We’re going to show you how to trust yourself and how to trust life. You were meant for so much more than you’ve settled for. But you have to get beyond the limiting beliefs to get to the other side. To return the missing parts, which are the parts of believing in yourself, so that you can feel whole, happy, well, and free.

That’s what I want to offer you this week, is to ask questions. Is this me? Is this my belief? Where did I learn that? Why do I believe this? I want you to really inquire, start cracking that open.

Alright, that’s it. Hopefully by the time I record the next one there will be no more snow. So tuning out from Louisiana. Have a great week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of more than mindset.