Ep #78: What Your Brain Wants

Welcome to More than Mindset. The only podcast that bridges the gap between spirituality and success. Go beyond the mind with clarity and Confidence Coach Kim Guillory and learn how to integrate your passion, to serve with your skills and experience to create a business you love. Let’s get started.

Hey, hey, welcome back to the show. Let me think about what I have to share with you this week. I’m not sure if anything exciting has happened that you would want to know about.

Probably the best part of my week was having my little baby toes over today, my six month old grandbaby who has the most amazing smile. She just makes you feel so special. I don’t know what it is but when she looks at you and smiles, twinkles her little toes, she’s always like rolling her little toes around. And I’m going to see my other grandbabies in Mississippi this weekend, well, actually tomorrow for a birthday party. I’m super excited about that. So it’s all about the babies this week, that’s been super fun.

And aside from that I’m still working on an amazing project for you guys, you’ll all be invited. Make sure you’re on the email list and over at the More Than Mindset Facebook group because that’s where I’m going to be announcing it first, guys. You don’t want to miss this one. It’s going to be amazing.

So anyway let’s get on with today’s show. Let’s talk about your brain and how it works. In this show I’m going to share four things that your brain wants, and how to get it onboard to work for you so that you can have better health, wealth and relationships. So that you can feel happier and healthier, because that is what we want, we want to feel good. It’s all about the feelings. I’m going to take you through an exercise at the end, so you don’t want to miss that. So let’s get going.

First of all, let’s just get real here and let’s face it, us humans are a mess. The majority of us have limiting beliefs and a crappy mindset. We were never taught how to manage our minds or our emotions, so we basically walk around acting the fool. And by that I mean we take everything personal, we make assumptions rather than asking questions. And then we get all butt hurt about the smallest things. You know what I mean. We make a mess of our relationships, we self-sabotage, we fail in advance so we don’t expose our fear of shame, then we beat ourselves up about all of this.

What we don’t see is that it is just human habits. It’s what we’ve always done so it feels normal, familiar. But the problem is that we want more, we want so much more. We want to create impact in the world. We want to connect. We want to express, contribute, and feel good. But this behavior, these habits are stopping us.

So let’s talk about how we can change these habits and create new ones. Let’s discuss getting our brain to work for us rather than against us. But first of all we have to understand why it’s happening. So here’s how the brain works, four things it does or looks for.

The first is it’s geared for survival, to keep us alive, at least alive long enough to pass on our genes. It’s like our brain, think about this, really there’s so much going on that our brain is geared to keep us alive. It’s really simple, but it’s confused because some of the things that it fears is going to kill us, won’t, kind of like our emotions. It’s like we think we’re going to die of shame. And our brain doesn’t know the difference, what’s going on in our body, we’re having this response.

Shame is a killer; you know how we say that? Well, the brain kind of takes it literally. So the very first thing is your brain is geared to keep you alive.

The second, it seeks safety. So you can see how fear really works for you. So if we were not afraid we wouldn’t be able to keep ourself safe, we would just like, you know, would you just go put your hand in a fire? No, you’re afraid it’s going to hurt, it’s going to burn. So fear works for us. We just got it all messed up. It does not feel safe to be laughed at or rejected. It does not feel safe to put yourself out there vulnerably in relationships. It doesn’t feel safe to show someone who you truly are, because they can use that against you. What if they get mad? What if they tell other people?

So the brain seeks survival, number one, seeks safety, number two, seeks ease, that’s number three.

Let’s take the less stressful way out so that we can preserve energy. Think about the teenager, they’re the perfect example, their lazy brain. They just want to hangout, I’m so tired, no, that’s too much work, that’s too hard. So they are actually playing out the typical brain. Let it be easy, we need it to be easy. No, I’ll pass, that’s too hard. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to write that report, that’s not fun. It’s like I want to do the thing that takes less effort.

If you look at especially in junior high, I’m thinking of like in the classrooms. They always want the project that is going to take less effort. That’s like the perfect example of how the immature brain functions.

The fourth thing, the brain seeks pleasure. That doesn’t look fun, let’s try this instead. But here’s the twister. We are so conditioned not to play, we were taught that that was wrong, that was bad, that was unsafe. You shouldn’t be playing.

I’m thinking about my clients, it’s one of the last things but the most important things that we turn on is seeking more pleasure, more fun, more ease. And it’s exactly what the brain wants, according to what I’m telling you today. But they haven’t given themselves permission, or maybe it was their parents or their environment. But they’ve never allowed themselves to go there and so it does not feel safe. You can see where the conflict is. So the brain wants to feel safe and it wants to seek pleasure.

It wants it to be easy and fun, which is exactly what the punch line approach is all about, living your life’s legacy as an integrated being in your natural essence in ease and flow, freedom and fun. So it’s everything that the brain wants and it’s completely opposite of what we’ve been conditioned to do. Fascinating.

So you can see how all of this is connected to the nervous system. And here’s the thing that the body doesn’t know if the danger is real or not. And so the fear of shame, the fear of putting out a lot of effort, these things are real. And so you can see why we’re always in this battle, and not doing the things that we want to do because of this conflict.

So I hope you’re following me, so I’m going to repeat this just one more time. Is the four things, in case you want to write this down is survive, safety, ease, pleasure. And here’s where the dissonance comes in, cognitive dissonance, that’s where there’s conflicting beliefs in the mind. And that is it’s kind of like when I say that, you’re like, “Well, yeah, of course, I mean that’s exactly what I want.” But then everything we’ve been conditioned to believe is like counterproductive, it’s counterintuitive.

It’s like it doesn’t make sense because we think it’s what we want, and yet we don’t or can’t give ourself permission to have it. And then our body goes into this defense, and that’s where the nervous system is triggered. And what happens is we go into this unconscious loop and spinning. And so we activate this, I call it the freak out response, but it’s fight, flight, freeze.

But then there is this freak, and I see a lot of my clients there, especially the entrepreneurs. So there is the fight, flight, freeze, I’m just kind of frozen. But they go beyond that, they are just like flipping freaking out. And they’re caught in this emotional loop where the thought is caught in this activated emotion that keeps spinning and keeps them stuck.

And then this alarm goes off and we get caught in these taught behaviors that’s going to give us relief, which is what? To give up, to give in, to go and binge, to check out, to go drink, to go buffer, whatever it is that occupies the mind so that you don’t have to feel the sensation. So just stay here for a moment. So what happens? We go into the unconscious loop, freak out, the alarm goes off and then we go into the behavior of ejecting, of not feeling, of not staying in the emotion. And that’s what gives us relief aka, in other words, that’s the pleasure that the brain is looking for.

And so that’s what we are caught in, is those human habits, it’s just habitual behavior repeating itself. And you’re so occupied with that and staying like in that freeze or in that freak out mode, or trying to run away from that, that the brain is completely preoccupied with this spinning effect, I’ll call it. So what we have to recognize is that it’s not effective, it’s just familiar.

And here’s where the magic happens. Once we are aware of this cycle we can change it. We can begin to manage our mind and manage our emotions. We can change it, we just have to understand why it’s happening and we have to understand what our brain is looking for and then we can get onboard with that.

So that’s exactly what we do in my program, we retrain the mind and body to work together. In this integrative self-healing approach we learn how to use or activate the parasympathetic nervous system, get into a calm state of being and then access or dismantle these triggers and we rewrite the neural pathways, we rewrite the inner dialogue, the story, the limiting beliefs, however you want to call it. I call it the BS, because it’s just belief systems.

We access, dismantle the triggers, rewrite the story. And it is a practice, we calm the body and mind down, we find neutrality, we minimize the fight, flight, freeze response, so that we can process and integrate the experience. And eventually create a whole new way of being, a new identity, the way you identify a new personality, your personal reality. In other words, we change the perception through changing the experience. It’s fascinating.

I assume now you want to know how we do this, so I’m going to give you some pointers. And you’re going to practice these consistently and your brain is going to argue with you. So I’m going to invite you into the More Than Mindset group to come and join us into the community so that you can get support, because community is pleasurable and it’s safe.

So I’m just letting you know, I’m going to tell you exactly what to do. I’m going to tell you exactly how to access this for yourself. And I’m pretty much guaranteeing you your brain is going to put up a fight because it’s lazy and it’s not going to want to do this. Okay, so I’m just warning you in advance, prepare yourself. And now I’m going to give you the steps. So are you ready? I’m calling this the five minute reset, so it’s only going to take five minutes.

Now, notice, I’ve brought in all of the four things that your brain wants, that it seeks, that it loves, that it’s geared to do. So this is going to help you live longer because you’re going to be less stressful and healthier. It is safe, you’re going to find yourself in a safe environment. You are going to set up these conditions. It’s very easy, and it ends with pleasure. Okay, so I’ve touched all of the four points, it’s the five minute reset.

The very first thing you have to do, commit for seven days, you decide, yes I’m doing it, and then you commit for seven days. Alright, are you in? Okay, I’m going to tell you exactly what to do. You’re going to set a timer, so it could be a kitchen timer, you can use – I use an app on my phone. I use Insight Timer personally; you’re welcome to use that. So you’re going to get out your timer and first of all you’re going to sit maybe on the edge of a bed, or maybe in a chair, wherever you choose. You’re going to just sit and check-in with yourself and notice how you feel.

That’s it, just sit, notice how you feel, you have the timer on the side of you. You’ve already decided I’m doing this. I’m committed to doing a five minute reset for seven days. Okay, check-in with how you feel, just for a couple of breaths, like okay, I’ve got it, I’m here, close your eyes for a moment, just notice, okay, I can do this. And then you’re going to set your timer for two minutes.

As soon as your timer goes ding, your eyes will be closed and you will begin to count your breaths until the timer goes off. If you lose count you will start over, no big deal, you’re just going to count the breaths, and if you lose count you start over, you do not beat yourself up, you don’t blame anything. You just start over. Your inhale and exhale are one, so it’s inhale one, exhale one, inhale two, exhale two. So that’s how you’re going to count the breath, inhale and exhale equals one count.

Your timer will go off at two minutes and then you’re going to hit the timer again for two more minutes, this time for two minutes you’re going to watch, experience and be in wonder. In other words, you’re going to just be in the moment in the silence doing nothing. It’s really fun. And I want you to ask this question, you’ll set the timer and you’re going to be like, I wonder what it would be like if I were willing to be surprised on what this day would bring. You could just start there, I wonder what it would be like if I would be willing to be surprised by what this day will bring, that simple.

You’re just there, you could imagine things if you wanted to, you could imagine feeling silliness or joy, or you can imagine the color yellow, you could maybe imagine what it feels like to have an abundance of joy surrounding you. You could maybe bring up giggles and silliness in your body. This is your playtime so you can do whatever you choose. But you have to stay here for two minutes, and you have to just watch, and experience, and be in wonder. Okay, there are no rules, so that’s the hardest part. This is really, really easy.

Simple, very simple steps, but the hardest part is that your brain is going to want to go all over the place and it is your job to redirect it, so that’s what this practice is about. So just to make sure we’re on the same page, it’s a five minute reset, you are going to check in with how you feel, you’re going to set the timer for two minutes. You’re going to count your breaths and when the timer goes off you will take a moment, you will reset the timer and then you will just watch.

You will be the watcher of the experience. You would be the awareness, the seer, the experience itself. It’s really fascinating. And just be willing to be surprised. I’m willing to be surprised in this experience and what this day brings. The timer is going to go off and then you are going to stretch, yawn, shake, wiggle, hum, make some little circles with your ankles and wrists, just be in your body for a moment, feel your body for one minute. You do not have to set a timer for this part. So you can if you want to, so it’s two minutes, two minutes and then one minute.

And the last minute is all about pleasure in your body, what would feel good in this moment. I like to rub my palms together. I like to give my arms a little squeeze. I like to stretch my arms out and overhead. I like to do these big breaths with an extended yawn. Just imagine what your puppy dog and kitty cat would do in the morning and do that. Okay, and then you’re going to get up and go on with your day. And you’re going to do this every single day for seven days. Are you on? Are you here?

So what you’re doing is you’re starting to retrain your brain to have the experience that you want to have. And it includes all of the things that your brain wants. So this is you coming onto the game, like I want my brain to work for me, so I’m willing to play by the rules. This is going to help me live longer. I’m in a safe environment so I love feeling safe, it is easy, it is pleasurable. It’s like the simplicity of it is that it’s only five minutes and you’re doing it first thing in the morning and then it’s done and over.

But I think the change that you will experience just from the consistency is going to be very pleasurable for you and that is what your brain is going to want to do again. Because it always wants pleasure, it seeks pleasure, it seeks simplicity, safety, staying alive, staying alive. You just tell yourself, this is going to help me stay alive and live happier and healthier.

Alright my friends, until next week, I hope you enjoy. And if you are coming over to the More Than Mindset group, make sure and introduce yourself when you get there. Tell me where you came from.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More than Mindset.