Ep #71: Why Change Is Hard

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Hey, guys, welcome back. What a crazy week. Listen, I did everything on the wrong day this week. Everything started Sunday, started acting really weird. But then on Monday I did what I was supposed to do on Tuesday, that wasn’t enough. I was doing a live coaching in my Facebook group on Wednesday, it was scheduled for 10 o’clock and yeah, I did it on Tuesday. I finished and my next appointment didn’t call, and I was like, “What’s happening?” So I went to look at my calendar to make sure I had it right and I was on the wrong day, was like oh my God.

Well, it didn’t stop, like all the way through today. So I don’t know what’s happening other than Kim Guillory is disassociated from society and anything of the norm, that’s what has happened. I think I have reached my max. I have not been anywhere, I haven’t done anything. I don’t even go to the stores. I have seriously been on lockdown since March, so I think I need to get up and go somewhere else and find out what it’s like to be in society again and to be accountable, to be on the same page as the humans. That’s where I’m at.

So I think I am going to pack up, I’m looking like woods, maybe a lake or some kind of water feature and trees, really, really, really big trees, a cool breeze, something green. I want to be connected to nature, I don’t know, I’ll let you know next week how this turns out. But as far as I can see right now there’s a little problem, I need social media distancing and all of it, all of the things like that. I just want to go be in nature and I don’t know if things are even opened, I guess I would need to look that up and find out.

I don’t watch anything that anyone else is putting out there and so I’m just kind of on my own accord of I’m supposed to know what day it is, and what time it is, and what I’m supposed to be doing next. I really have no one to answer to except for my clients on a schedule, insane. Alright, that’s what I’ve got in my personal life; just I might be giving you a little bit too much information.

Oh, wait, I do show up every single morning at 7 o’clock and workout and at 8 o’clock I do a meditation. So I have been really consistent with that. Let me just speak up for myself here, I work out with my kids. We did not open the gym, but I kept it as a family gym, so my kids come in and work out with us in the morning.

Alright, so let’s get on with this topic. Today I’m going to talk about staying stuck, staying in pain. Yeah, in relationships, in physical pain, in poverty, like all of the things, why is it so hard to change? So I’m going to give you three reasons why change is so hard. And I’m going to just give you some ideas, some things to poke at, play with, so you can question yourself and decide if that’s where you want to stay.

And then I’m going to give you a little bit of information about why I think this happens and what is the first stage to breaking out of it, and how we may stay there for years, may stay there for a lifetime. And some people might just simply snap and wake-up.

Alright, so those are the things I’m going to be discussing today is staying stuck in pain and suffering, whatever that is for you. If it’s your business, if it’s your relationship, or partnership, or something with your children, making money, being sick, being overweight, being unhealthy, whatever it is, you just plug in whatever your biggest problem is and we’re going to dive right in. I’m going to tell you three reasons why it’s so stinking hard to change.

And the number one is because you have been conditioned to believe a certain way. And that is the way that you believe now, to believe that things are not possible, that change is not possible, that you can’t have what you want, that you won’t get what you need. We have been conditioned to believe this, all of us, I am telling you, I am so sure about it. We are unconsciously walking around with the story that we don’t want to have anything to do with and we can’t even see it.

That is what’s so important about thought work and coaching, and the mindset part is we can hear even ourself say it. And we’re saying how we know it, which is such a big setup. Don’t ever say, “I know,” I’m telling you, just take it completely out of your vocabulary. And start showing up with this being willing to know something that you don’t, because the, “I know”, has kept so many people stuck.

And it’s probably what I coach on more than anything else. Well, I already know I’m doing it. Well, I know it’s the way I’m thinking. Well, I know it’s this. No, boo, if you knew, you would stop, so you don’t know, you logically know. But this stuff is unconsciously running and ruining what you really want.

So first step to waking up and realizing is that you are a victim to life, as if this stuff has just pooped on you, exactly how it is right now is just the card you pulled, the draw of the luck, it’s just what I was handed, just genetics I was given, yeah, it was just the family I was born to. It was the, whatever I popped into; I’m at the mercy of whatever.

And that simply is not true, you are conditioned to believe that, you can change that, you can create your own reality; you can change your perception. But you have to be willing and the problem is this stuff is unconscious and you don’t even see it’s happening, so that’s what makes it so hard.

Whenever I do the work, the unconscious work that goes beyond the mind, it’s really to unlock that so that you can see beyond the veil. We’ve got to take the wall down, or we’ve got to punch a hole in the theory and get you to start seeing or questioning so that, like are you willing to consider that there is a possibility that it could be different?

That’s how far we have to reach into some of this stuff, because it’s so strong, and that is why change is so hard. You are conditioned to believe a certain way and you believe that is truth. You believe that is just the way it is, and that’s what you’ve been told.

It’s just the way it is, money doesn’t grow on trees. Money doesn’t come easy for us. You can’t have what you want. Yeah, boo, you can’t have the kids and the happy marriage, and the great job, and the hot body. You cannot have it all. That’s kind of what we’ve been told is that we cannot have it all. So that’s the first one.

Number two, we’re going to move right through these. We can’t see, it’s optional, we believe it’s true, we’ve investigated it, we’ve stacked evidence, we’ve locked it in. We’ve created the neural pathway. We have driven over the dirt road so many times that we have created the ruts and we are now living in them. And we don’t know that we don’t have to keep going over the same story, we don’t have to keep passing in the same place. We just don’t know it’s optional.

And I wish that there was a way I could zap people to see it, but I know through my own journey how many years it took and I know how hard it was. And I had to go through all of the suffering that I went through in order to finally get to a point to where I couldn’t suffer anymore. The pain and the defeat, the agony, the sadness, that I experienced was so intense that I had to be willing to go all in on it to where there wasn’t an option. That’s just the way our mind works.

We believe we have to suffer in order to make a change. Jody Spencer talks about this whenever he’s like, “You don’t have to have a crisis to change. You can just decide to change.” You don’t have to get the diagnosis. You don’t have to go all the way down to the bottom of the barrel. You don’t have to go all the way up to 350 pounds before you decide. You could just decide today, it is an option. Every single thought that comes through your mind, every single thought that passes through, you choose if you want to hold onto it or not.

You all, it’s just a thought, it has no bearings whatsoever unless you attach to it, you believe in it, and you create evidence from it. It’s seriously just words that cross your mind, it’s most of them are BS. It’s from the old belief system, just the old stories, it’s the habits and behaviors are the things that people around you have been saying for years, and years, and years, and years. You’ve heard it so often that it’s super common, it’s familiar. Yeah, you know what they’re talking about, you understand that.

No, stop it. It is optional. You don’t have to keep it. Are you willing to wake-up and consider that you could put on a new pair of glasses; you could look through different lenses. You could have a different perception. Your whole life could change if you could change the way you see things. It’s just the comfort; we think it’s comfortable for things to be familiar. It is not comfortable being stuck. It is not comfortable not getting what you want. It is not comfortable to suffer, it’s just familiar. You’re just used to it, but it’s not comfortable.

I’m telling you, I can prove this, I thought, when I finally crossed that stream, when I talk about when I got to the other side. Because it was literally, I felt like I was living in a huge trash basket with a lid on, it was so dark, it was so ucky, and I was in so much despair. And when I finally broke through that and it was like the light came on.

You know what it’s like after four days of no sunshine, then all of a sudden the sun breaks through the clouds, it’s like hallelujah, glory be to God. Oh my Lord, there is some light up in here, that’s what it felt like. It was like when I crossed that stream and it lifted.

It was like running in a crawfish lake with hip boots and all of a sudden the land was dry and you were just like running on dry land. There was no more of that weight pulling me down and sucking me in. There was no more of that heaviness; it was just like light and joyous. I looked over my right shoulder and I was like, I aint ever going back ever, ever, ever going back to that.

I just knew I had broke through, possibly some generational stuff, like I just know I am not going back, and I don’t want to have conversation about being in that slumpy stuff. I don’t want to be in disbelief. I don’t want to entertain those thoughts. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself. I don’t want anyone else to feel sorry for me. Good, fine, hate me if you’re afraid that I’m doing better than I should be or whatever.

But I can’t afford it, and let me tell you why, because I will die. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore, and I don’t want to go back into it, it’s not comfortable. It’s a lie thinking that it’s comfortable, it’s familiar. Change the conversation and recognize, familiar does not mean comfortable. See if you could change the way you say it, the way you’re talking about it and see if you can find anything to punch a hole in the theory so you’d be willing to go and try something else.

And you know what, you may not have suffered enough, you may not have been in this darkness for long enough, you may not have been in this position of hopelessness long enough. We have to suffer until we realize that we really don’t have to suffer in order to change.

But first step, that waking up is that victim mode, it’s like you have this little sleeping baby and then someone goes and kind of shakes it up and starts moving. And then it starts wiggling and then they start crying, and the eyes open and then they can see, there’s more. There’s more outside of this bed, there’s more, I can get out of this crib. It’s this awakening moment of first seeing that you are the victim of your life. Yeah, you’re entitled and it aint happening your way, and that’s a beautiful place to be.

Don’t ever think being a victim is a terrible thing. When I talk about it, it’s like victim mentality and being in the sorrow of that or just waking up and realizing, oh my God, I’ve been asleep all of my life, there’s two different things. So just recognize that you have to first awaken to the fact that you believe that the best hasn’t been happening for you, that you had a tough life. The things-didn’t-go-right-it-shouldn’t-have-been-that-way, whole dance.

So once you recognize that it is an option and you’re willing to believe that you have been contaminated by someone’s disbelief, then you can change your truth, because truth is just perception, it’s just the way we see things. That’s it, nobody has a truth, think about it. Does anybody really know? No.

Alright, so first one was you’ve been conditioned to believe a certain way. Second is you don’t see that it’s an option, you believe that that belief is truth.

And the third is thoughts and beliefs are actually instructions to your brain. And so you don’t see that you’re being set up. My friend calls it, “Your bitch brain is keeping you stuck here because it keeps feeding the same thought, which is instructing your brain to live the same life.” And that is where we get stuck, that’s probably the most important thing is that we are feeding ourself these disbeliefs, these – we don’t even want to believe it and we say that we don’t believe it. But if that were true you wouldn’t even be saying it. See if that makes sense.

So the thoughts are instructing your brain to create your results, because that’s what it believes is truth, that’s what it believes is the way things are. And that gets locked in, creates those neural pathways, you live it long enough, locks in the belief and then you create the wall that protects you, so that you can be in the I know, which is our ego, we always want to know, we want to know everything. If you are willing to drop that story and just recognize that you don’t know anything, it’s the most beautiful thing.

I seriously like what do I need to know today, because I don’t even know what day it is. I don’t even know what time it is. I know nothing, what could I learn in this moment? If you’re willing to play around and explore that, and here’s another thing, we don’t play enough.

We don’t laugh enough. Guys, we’ve got to lighten up. I want to help you break through this stuff. I want to help you get unstuck. I want you to release the chronic pain, mend your heart, come out of the poverty, come out of the scarcity, come out of the settling. Are you willing to allow it to not be hard? It doesn’t have to be. The hard is because you’re stuck in the neural pathway, you’re stuck in the way that you’ve always seen it; you’re stuck in the belief. But it doesn’t have to be, you don’t have to suffer.

We have been trained to believe that we have to suffer, but once you realize you truly don’t have to suffer, you can have fun as you are moving through this victimhood, this victim mentality, through this like I am so entitled. Things should be working out for me, poor me, this shouldn’t have happened, they shouldn’t have said that, they shouldn’t have done that. If you can move out of that and you’re willing to step into curiosity and wonder, and start to explore some of these beliefs that you have and really challenge them and ask them, are they true.

Whenever I’m coaching one of my clients, and they are pissed at me because I’m not buying their story and I’m not believing all this stuff that they’re telling me. I’m like, “Listen, I am fighting for the higher version of you. I am fighting for you. This is just your defensive brain, it’s like your lizard brain, your primal brain, your bitch brain, whatever it is, it’s like it’s not serving you. It’s just trying to keep you safe and keep you familiar. But is that comfortable, are you comfortable?”

That’s the number one thing to ask, “Are you comfortable where you are? Is there nothing else that you want to achieve? You don’t want to involve? You don’t want your relationships to be more intimate? You don’t want to make more money? You don’t want to help more people, like this is it?” Is that comfortable being in the want position? And are you willing to consider that the only reason that you’re stuck there is because you’re buying the inventory that has been planted in your consciousness, and it is running unconsciously? There’s some big words.

Here’s what’s happening, so there’s such a big part of us that is unconscious and because we’re not awakened and we’re not aware of it, it’s driving the car and we don’t even know where it’s taking us. It’s just going around the same loop over, and over, and over, and over. And then we don’t understand why we can’t get to the next city or we can’t get to the next park. Why do we keep seeing this?

Why do I keep experiencing this? It’s because it’s going in the same circle because it doesn’t have, like it can’t go where it’s never been. That’s the best way I can explain it, it can’t go where it’s never been. It hasn’t experienced it, it doesn’t have an imprint. It doesn’t have a memory of anything other than this.

For some of you, this is the first time it’s even going to be questioned, it’s just because I’m saying it, are you willing to question that some of your beliefs may actually not be true? And you could keep them. You could keep them too, whatever you want.

I am here to brainwash the disbelief, you keep what you want. But I’m going to ask you the questions and I’m going to ask you to explore. And I’m going to try to take you somewhere else to see a different scenery, a different route, to navigate and to see what else is there. Why? Because it’s fun and I want you to come out and play with me. Simple.

The hardest part of transformation and change, the hardest part of stepping into belief is you find it’s a lonely space, that there are a lot of other people who are not buying into the idea that they can have and create whatever they want. And so you suddenly don’t want to be in the disbelief and so you find yourself alone, and that is painful, because humans don’t want to be alone. We want to be connected, we want to belong. We want people to accept us. And we don’t want to be cut off from the tribe.

And sorry to say, but the human condition is there is a lot of jealousy and envy and pointing the finger and blame and it’s yucky, and it creates the vision and separation, and it’s painful. And could we look at it differently and not put us on different layers and levels? And just recognize that it’s just an understanding of a different kind of scene, it’s a different perception. It’s recognizing that what we see is just an illusion. It’s just a story. But we just keep running that story in circles. Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that’s just the way it is.

And we’ve been conditioned to believe that we don’t have an option, that this is who we are, this is what we were born to, this is how it’s supposed to be and this is just how the world is. And we keep feeding those same thoughts, and it’s giving instructions to the brain of how to behave, of where to go, and what to do and what to create.

And so we just keep creating, that is why it is so hard to change. Because you have to actually get into the unconscious and start unlocking the story so that you can unpack it and dismantle it. And it’s uncomfortable and we don’t like to not know, we think we know everything, we know enough, this is our truth. I know what I know. And if you’re not willing to drop that then that’s that, that’s what I’ve got to tell you, I had to be willing to drop it and say, “I don’t know, I have no idea.” I don’t even know what day of the week it is.

What else is there that I don’t know? And I just got curious and I started exploring and I started asking and it is amazing. Amazing. What we don’t know is actually fun, play, pleasure, indulging in being a human experiencing the material world in life form. That’s what we’re missing when we don’t enquire, when we don’t ask, when we don’t get curious. We get all stuffy and stuck and we want to control things. And we want to compare and judge and fight, and white knuckle and struggle. And that’s what I want to tell you. Make a word for that.

Anyway, come over to the More Than Mindset group and let’s talk about this, let’s get some coaching, let’s duel it out. Tell me if you’ve got something out this, come over and share it with us.

If you’re interested in helping your clients heal on a deeper level and start integrating this self-healing approach so that you can help them take their lives into deeper transformation, then come over to the Mind Body Business Mastermind. That is something that is going to be – let’s see, we are moving into, the next session is going to be in August. And so whenever you sign up, you just start working with me one-on-one and we start hashing through this stuff on a personal level, and before the group starts.

So, anyway, that’s what I’ve got for you this week, 22 minutes in, I think that’s a record. Alright, guys, I love you. I didn’t tell you at the beginning but this is take two, because the first take didn’t do so right, so I’m not even sure what’s in this one.

And the last question I have for you. Is it comfortable? Can you even believe yourself when you think it’s comfortable not taking a risk to change and to transform? You think it’s more uncomfortable to make the change? And I want to plant a seed, it’s not. It is not more uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is just uncomfortable, it’s the same; the difference is you get different results.

Alright, that’s really all I have for you.

Thanks for listening to this episode of More than Mindset.