Ep #33: Woundology

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Hey my amazing friends and welcome back to the show. I got a doozy for you again today. These last few weeks have been really deep dive into the deep stuff that sometimes keeps us stuck for a lifetime and I wish you not to be stuck for a lifetime. I wish to really make an impact and create a flow of change through our systems, through the universe, through humanity, where we start to recognize some of this tough stuff that’s truly holding us back from being all that we have been created to be.

This is the kind of stuff that I will be doing this week for myself. I do not talk about things that I don’t actually do. I am always in process, I am always in breakthrough, I’m always looking for how can I grow, how can I evolve, how can I figure this out, or oh my gosh, I used to think it was all about – this is the way things were and now I realize my mind has expanded to understanding that it was just perception. I was so limited to my understanding according to what I had always been told.

So kind of like the topic of today. So we are going to talk about woundology. I talked about this last week and this is something that I’ve really done a lot of research on for myself because I was stuck for such a long time so intensely and I just – I mean, I read so many books and had many teachers, and I hung on – like I just had these little threads where I could just barely hold on and see if I can make it. Thread into something else, into something else, and then finally it can become tangible, usable.

I feel like I finally figured it out. Surely I did not figure it all out, I have no doubt, because I continue to learn on a regular basis. As I continue to decondition myself and recognize some stories that are still lodged in my psyche, in my understanding. And as I help clients go deeper and myself go deeper, this stuff becomes clearer and clearer. And I realize more how we’re just truly not living our legacy. We’re not truly embodying all of life and experiencing freedom and joy and growth and expression.

Oh my god, expression is so fun. Alright, so with that said, I will spend my weekend just refreshing myself. Filling me up and so I’m excited to see what comes forward for me, and heck, who knows, the next show I might be a totally different person.

So woundology, your wounds. Psychology, we’re talking about woundology. According to Caroline Myss, who has been one of my teachers for many, many, many years, I’ve studied most of her work, read most of her books, seen her live in person at events and I just – I understand her languaging, her message.

And it’s basically – what Caroline says is it’s a very expensive habit to keep the wound alive. The energy comes out of your system. Your cell system. And according to the Alexandria foundation, woundology is also a form of scapegoatology, which means outside events and others are blamed for what a wounded person experiences.

We have the power to heal our wounds. However, to do so means we must give up being right for being happy. That is a huge statement. It is so tough, just like giving up codependency and labels or identities of what we have seen our self as, like labeled our self as our problem, and the stories that we have made up to keep us in this position, it’s actually ridiculous when you think about it.

But at the same time, you don’t feel like you have an option because you don’t know how to dismantle it. And that’s probably one of the questions I get most from my clients is but how? Yes Kim, it makes sense, I understand what you’re saying, like I get it, but how? I don’t understand how to do it. I tried. I sit in my feelings, I try to – I journal, I burn sage, I get energy sessions, I do massage therapy. I’ve tried all of the things you talk about but I still have this thing – it’s like it’s just stuck.

And woundology is like when you use your wounds to cling to your wounds. This is what I know, this is what I identify with, and giving it up would mean I don’t know who I am. It’s a way to control and manipulate people around you. It seems like that would be like, though it’s terrible, who would want to do that? But like, the victim does not know that that’s what it’s doing. The unconscious is running the show so the logical mind does not understand this.

The logical mind cannot get it because it doesn’t see its own shadow. And its very life is depending on it. It’s not like it’s so easy just to let go of. Everything behind the shadow is this shame and this fear and this unworthiness. And in order to give it up means that they have to feel those emotions that they have run for possibly their entire life.

And so it’s this way of getting attention for them to be rescued. For me personally, it was more neglect than it was abuse. We could all label however we want to call whatever the trauma that has happened in our life. But for me, it was this complete disconnection and not ever remembering. I don’t even recall this I love you or a hug or knowing where my place was or having someone home or having meals together.

It was just this always isolation. Now, I can look at it as my parents, I can look at it as my upbringing, my family, my environment, but it’s not necessarily so. The wound can go way back further than that and it also could be a scar from something that you heard and misinterpreted. So there are people who – they’re like, I don’t understand because I’ve never had any kind of trauma. Nothing. No one’s ever beat me, no one’s ever taken advantage of me, I’ve never been left. I have no idea what it could be.

And that’s what I’ve brought up in the last couple episodes is it could be something that’s in your cellular system that didn’t necessarily happen in this logical state, like in the here and now. And that’s where hypnotherapy and energy work, regression work, really diving in, the inner work, and getting you in touch with your inner voice. Like, with your god source.

And so this is – it’s not a religion, guys, and it’s not anything to be afraid of, but it’s your actual connection to divine, to god, like your personal relationship. It’s not about religion, it’s not about ceremony or things, this particular kind of structure or the way so many people view god and relationship is through this way of doing it, instead of this being of it.

Does that make sense? Instead of having an intimate relationship with Christ, with god, whoever you pray to, I don’t put labels on that, you call it whatever you want. Where do you relate? Getting in touch with that part of yourself that is that. You are a divine creation of god. You are an extension, an expression of god’s source.

All of us are. Not just you, not just me. But every single human, breathing human, every single one is a soul inside of a bodysuit. The bodysuit, the personality, the identity. We have several parts of our self but if you have had some sort of trauma or have come in with some sort of trauma, then the story that this woundology is beyond the depths of the logical mind.

And here’s the thing; no one can save you. So no matter how many times you tell your story, no matter who you tell your story to, it could be the greatest healer on earth. If you’re not willing to really give it up, think about it, your whole entire life will pass with you holding on to the story. And here’s the truth; only you can save and rescue you. That’s really what you’re looking for.

It’s not going to be the person who hears your story. That’s just the Band-Aid. So that’s like, medication. If I can tell my story one more time, someone will get it, someone will relate to me, then I will feel connected. Then I will feel like I belong. I will feel understood. And that’s what the person is looking for in this woundology. They’re looking for the person to relate to, they’re looking for that connection. They’re looking to not feel so isolated and alone.

And woundology, quite frankly, is an addiction. It’s an addiction to your story. It’s an addiction to what you have held on to, that is the reason, the excuse, the story behind the reason that you can’t move forward. Does that make sense? So the addiction is to the trauma, to the drama, to the person who has wronged you, or the way you were brought up.

Like that story is so deep to you. It’s personally to you. It’s not that it’s so deep and you can’t get out of it. It’s so deep because you still believe it. Like you’ve yet to see that it is a thought, it is a perception, and it’s something that has happened in the past. And the only way you can keep it alive is if you think about it in that same way today and then you reignite the emotions of it.

So it’s not to belittle, it’s not to put anyone down, it’s not to tell you that it’s time to get over it. I don’t believe in that kind of stuff. I think everyone has their own process and it takes however long it takes. And sometimes, I believe we have signed up. This is the contract that we have signed up for and this is the place that we serve and this is the person that we are to be and this is the experience we are to have.

Until we see things differently, we understand things differently, we receive things differently. But who’s to say how long something is supposed to last? It’s the reason I’m saying you could possibly have an option is because if it were aligned with you, you wouldn’t be carrying it with such suffering. We didn’t hear Mother Theresa complaining about the calling that she took.

She was not complaining about it. And so if the suffering is this intense, then you are out of alignment with your purpose, and that is something for you to look at is are you identifying in a way of controlling, manipulating, getting attention and getting someone to rescue you or save you and show you a way out. Are you looking to someone else to give you the answer?

Now, I’m a coach. I’m also a therapist. I do energy work and some healing modalities. I do some hands-on stuff. Not lately, but my actual certification and license is in massage therapy, yoga, and meditation. And I’ve also used – in the fitness world, you’ll find people who are overcoming trauma, they will get into this competitive fitness or running or some sort of form of physical exercise.

Here’s the thing; you carrying this problem with you everywhere, you continue to identify with it, and if you’re actually a coach, a health and wellness coach, leader, and you’re here for that reason because you’re a professional, then you are likely identified as the wounded healer, which is you want to help other people heal, but you are still battling your own wounds.

And so there’s this – I remember for a big part of my life, I knew this was what I was called to do. I knew I was going to be doing some healing work. I knew I wanted to help other people. I knew my pain was intense. I believe it had a reason, and I used to pray like, to take their pain away. I used to pray to carry the pain of others. That’s the codependent.

That’s the empath. That’s like, all of these together. I was like, it was almost like can I just suck it up and carry it for them? Like I got it, I can do this, I’m built for this, I’m meant for this. Until I caught on to what I was doing like, I truly believe that my mantra was I learn through pain, I learn lessons through my body hurting. This is how god gets my attention.

That’s what I used to think. That’s what I used to believe. That’s like a woundology. My wound was I must suffer to learn. I must suffer to grow and evolve. I had taken that on and that was my woundology. I told the story to all my therapists, my massage therapist, the body workers, I just owned it. I owned it.

And then finally one day realized that it was an option and I was like holy hell, hold on. Okay, so we don’t really have to experience this much hell on earth. So there’s pieces of you that have been denied, disassociated, fragmented, and all those parts are valid. And the work that we do, and sometimes guys, this is really deep. So sometimes it’s sexual, sometimes it’s neglect, sometimes it’s actual physical abuse. Sometimes it’s hunger, starvation, just not being tended to. It could be hunger for food, it could be hunger for love.

But in some way, just not having your actual needs met. And then your nervous system creates this memory. It’s in all of your cells and then you go into survival shut down. And then there’s this unfelt pain remains there and it continues getting triggered by circumstances of today. And then we can turn this back on.

We work one piece at a time. I do this work. I can absolutely help you do this work, and if you happen to be a therapist and you want to help your clients do this and you haven’t figured it out for yourself or you’re not sure what I’m talking about with this emotional processing and trauma recovery and bringing in – the reason I call it Integrative Life is because I integrate all modalities.

Hands on, as far as for massage therapists, yoga, any kind of fitness. That’s more of the hands on. And then the energy work, healing work, regression, hypnotherapy, all of that. It’s whatever is integrated and whatever is needed in the process is I just train you at all of the modalities and then you pick your specific signature treatment.

So a few things I can leave you with today if you happen to be one of these people and you find yourself like, how Kim? Just tell me how. I get all that, I hear everything you’re saying, yes, I identify with it, no, I don’t know how to get out of it, this has been my whole entire life. My mama did this, my daddy did this, my brother did this, this is what it’s always been like.

I’ve been abused, I’ve been neglected, I’ve been put down, no one ever gave me the time of day, they always just pushed me around, they locked me up, they throw me in the room, they always told me what to do and then I never received love, I never got anything back, I never felt special, I never felt like I belonged, I was always like, the unicorn in the room or the alien.

If you happen to be that, I’m going to give you a little bit to make sure you’re doing some deep breathing and pay attention on the exhale. This stuff leaves on the exhale. And then you want to really start to feel the feelings and identify. So you know my process.

First step is presence and awareness. You want to identify what is the feeling, and then we want to understand it. We want to unveil it, we want to uncover it. That’s the second step. This is the feeling and it’s coming from the thought, I’m alone, I’m abandoned, I’m isolated, no one loves me, that’s the thought that’s creating the feeling of isolation and loneliness. It’s not the story. It’s not the actual tangible event that happened 40 years ago, guys.

It’s the memory of it and the thought that you are holding on to that’s creating this sensation. And I’m telling you this for a fact because if you look around the room right now and you’re feeling it, it’s not actually happening. It’s happening in your body because there’s a memory of it and because you have the thought you are triggering the memory, and then you are re-experiencing the sensation.

So you want to breathe, make sure you’re exhaling whenever you recognize it, release. 90 seconds. If you can give it 90 seconds to process, give yourself – look at the clock, just like, I’m breathing, I’m feeling, I’m breathing, I’m feeling it. I feel it in my heart, I feel it in my stomach, it’s getting lighter, it’s not as strong. It’s going up my neck and shoulders. Breathe. Keep exhaling. Keep exhaling. Keep exhaling.

Allow it to process. Give it a couple of minutes. Allow it to integrate, and so this, you want to take that breath all the way down and allow this to integrate through all parts of your being, all parts of your body. And if you just kind of keep rise and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, start with this. You have to start somewhere.

So if you are not able to turn these feelings in yourself, just know that these fragmented pieces of yourself are not available and you may need some assistance. You may need someone to support and help and guide you so that they can hold the space, hold you through it, and carry you kind of into it on an energetic level.

So what we can do is like, kind of move and shift the energy and teach you how to move and shift your own energy. It’s never about me having to be the healer for someone else. It’s me teaching them how to be the healer for themselves and then we carry the work on to the next, to the next, to the next.

And we are stopping this in these generations like, we’re just stopping it right here right now and it doesn’t go any further because some of this stuff has been going on for years and years and years and years, generations previous. And we want to stop it right here. We have now stepped into the time of emotional maturity where we’re actually creating this sense of emotional development.

We have the mental development, we have the physical development. We have not been taught about emotional development. That is the time and age where we are now. That’s why all of this stuff is about turning on these emotions. We see this. People are like, ending their own life, they’re shooting up lives of other people. It’s because they don’t know how to handle their emotions. They do not have coping skills, they don’t know how to process these unintegrated traumas that maybe did not even come at the time where they can remember it, so there’s no way that they can have access to it.

So yes, sometimes you will need some assistance of someone who has these unique gifts, these healing modalities. They’re just the gift. They’re a gift for the universe, they’re a gift for humanity. And many people possess them. It’s surely not just me. I work with lots of coaches who come in. I help them to uncover their special unique gift.

This is why they find me. They know there is something different, they know things that don’t make sense. They know things that’s outside of this world, per say, and they’re like, I need help developing this gift so it’s tangible and usable and so I can help myself and other people.

My family. I see this being passed down, I see how it happened generations before me, and I want it to stop here, and I’m the person to stop the generational patterns right here, right now. So in the membership site, that’s for the layperson. It’s just anyone who wants to learn this work for their selves.

The coach training is for the professional who wants to learn the skills and techniques. I will not teach you the skills and techniques in the memberships. I guide and take you through it yourself but I don’t teach you how to do it for other people, so there is a difference. One is for you, one is for your gift that you’re bringing forward.

Alright, so breathe, make sure you’re exhaling big exhales. Feel the feelings. Allow them to process. Allow them to integrate. Reach out if you need support if you’re not able to do this yourself. After integrating it, you will embody it and you will reclaim the fragmented, abandoned pieces of yourself. Bring those back in. That’s how you come to this place of wholeness.

It’s like the inside of the bodysuit reforms. It’s like it regenerates. Like we change the pattern, we change the whole system so that it’s properly functioning because right now it’s disconnected and you can’t properly function. And so you will get physical manifestations. Your body will start to break down. This is where illness and disease comes from.

Guys, it doesn’t come from age. Illness and disease comes from being out of alignment. Mind and body are out of alignment. Spirit, soul, mind, body are all one unit, and when they’re out of alignment, they’re going to start getting scattery, then the system doesn’t work properly and then it manifests into illness and disease.

So that is woundology. We’re going to continue on this topic. I have a special guest coming in I think in the next week or two, and I hope this helps. Let me know. If you want to come and join the membership or if you are a therapist or a coach and you want to bring this modality to your clients because you see that they’re staying stuck, they’re spinning in the same story, they’re not moving forward.

You’re not able to help them go deeper because you don’t understand. You just know that after six, seven sessions, they’re not going anywhere as you continue with this cognitive behavior therapy, you continue with thought work, with mindset, and they are just staying in this dismay.

They continue talking about the story, I know now, I remember, I was two, and this happened, and whenever I was four and I fell out the tree – and they keep telling you the same stories over and over. They just stay stuck in it and they’re like nope, I can’t move any further than this, I’m paralyzed, I can’t. The only thing I can think of – and they go into their rational mind and they try to figure it out.

So this is like trying to understand suicide. You can’t take a rational mind and go and understand what was happening in suicide. It’s a deeper topic than that. You can’t understand why someone’s freezing in paralysis, mental paralysis and take it from a logical standpoint. It’s not understandable in that way, guys. It goes deeper than mindset, it goes deeper than thought work.

This goes into the body. The chemistry of the body. It goes int the cellular system. It goes into the emotional systems. You cannot see emotion and you cannot see spirituality, but these are the two things that we are developing right now. This is what we’re moving into. You cannot see it but you can feel it.

And us, as human beings, we have five senses. Six with intuition, and that is something that once you are connected, once you are whole, and once your body begins to heal and your mind heals and your heart heals and you bring all parts of yourself together, you do get this sense of like a deeper knowing, a deeper intuition, a deeper connection in relationships and intimacy and spirituality.

Not in religion. In spirituality. In relationship, this Christ consciousness. This understanding. Jesus was the person who came to teach us about being better humans. Christ is the salvation. Christ is the story after. Christ is the wholeness when all parts came together.

Alright, just leave that there. Just something for you to chew on because I still have this worry about coming across as if I’m not like, informed or this understanding of spirituality. And actually, I have a very liberated sense of relationship and I know scripture and I understand spirituality and I understand experience. And it goes beyond the five senses.

I just want to share some of the things that I have learned that can possibly help others from staying stuck in this woundology, in codependency, and believing that being an empath is a prison, that you are like, isolated from living a life of joy and freedom. It’s not that way at all. It’s really just learning how to manage your mind, manage your emotions, and manage your spirituality, and connect mind, body, spirit.

So bring all parts together and integrated in a way that you can live a life of better health, more wealth, better relationships. It’s this opening the flow and valve for abundance, for joy, for peace, for liberation. It’s a beautiful thing. Alright, until next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Integrative Life Coach Training for Health and Wellness Practitioners! If you’re feeling stuck on your journey to mind body integration, head over to KimGuillory.com to download your Stability First Meditation today.